Professor Lupin's Apprentice

XIX: Heroes and Exmoor

Professor Snape and I had one last long conversation two weeks before the beginning of my second year at Hogwarts, and a week before the wedding. At first when he said he wanted to speak to me, I thought he'd somehow learnt of our plan for Sirius' guise and was upset. If he knew of our little foray into the uses of Polyjuice Potion, however, he showed no such knowledge. He closed his office door and sat behind the desk without looking at me. His expression was very grave, and I was concerned.

"Miss Rhoades ... Melinda ... I feel compelled to tell you, while this summer has been one of the most enjoyable periods of my life, I fear our friendship must now come to an end."

"Why?" Part of me wondered if he couldn't deal with the thought of my wedding approaching. Once again, my expression betrayed my thoughts.

"This is not motivated by jealousy, or any other such emotion, I'm afraid. I only wish it were. This is not even self-preservation talking."

"Severus, what is it?"

"You are the only person in many years I've ... cared enough about ... to confide in. And I must ask none of this leave this office because it could mean many lives. I must swear you to absolute secrecy."

"I won't tell anyone. I give you my word."

"Even Lupin?"

"Even Remus."

Snape finally looked at me, sadness in his black eyes. "You know I have, in the past, been associated with the Dark Lord's supporters."

"The Death Eaters? Yes, you have told me as much yourself, although Har— Some of my friends believe you are still loyal to ... You-Know-Who."

"It is just as well Potter think that. And all of his associates. I'll admit I have some little contempt for the famous Harry Potter and his friends, although it is not as deep as they believe. Potter is an arrogant student—so like his father—but I don't hate him. I care about the safety of all Hogwarts students, but I usually allow myself to become close to none. I must keep up certain ... pretences."

"What do you mean?"

"Now the Dark Lord has returned, I am once again employed as a spy on the headmaster's behalf. Many students in Slytherin House have parents who are Death Eaters. Were I to show preference for students in other houses or to treat Slytherins worse than they have come to expect, my loyalty might become suspect. As a result of this unfortunate arrangement, I cannot allow our friendship to continue. In fact, it was foolish of me to ever ... let down my guard ... in the first place."

"Friendship is never foolish," I said gently, reaching across the desk to touch his hand.

He laid his other hand over mine and closed his eyes with a small smile. "I have cherished your friendship, Melinda—more than you will ever know. Alas, this indiscretion, however slight, would compromise my reputation among the Death Eaters."

"Oh, Severus, is it really that serious?"

"Unfortunately, yes." When he looked at me again, his black eyes showed fear in addition to the previous sadness. "My kind feelings toward you are the only chink in my armour. To continue our friendship might place you in danger, as well, and I cannot have that. You will find, at the start of the next term, that I will be distant at best and at many times cruel. I have to once again prove my loyalty, and I wanted to apologise in advance for this ill treatment.

"Please know, whatever I may say or do, this is no reflection on you or what your friendship has meant to me. I will also have to mark you more stringently than I do other students. Keep in mind you remain the best Potions student I've ever known. Your marks will still be sterling by comparison to most students, but there will be a noticeable drop, as I am not renown for my fairness."

"That seems a small sacrifice in comparison to yours, Severus."

He gifted me with a rare, wistful smile. "Perhaps some day, if the Dark Lord is defeated permanently, we can once again be friends."

"I'll look forward to it," I said rising.

"I'm only glad you managed to master the Wolfsbane Potion before this," Snape said, also rising. "Lupin is in very good hands."

"Thank you for everything." I walked behind the desk and embraced him, pulling back only when I thought of something else. "If you ever need my or Remus' help—"

He held up his hand to silence me. "If it should come to that, then ... ah ... I fear, it will already be too late for me."

I nodded solemnly. "I'll never forget you, Severus."

"Nor I you, Melinda."

"I ... I'll pretend we quarrelled, and you threw me out of the dungeon today."

"That is precisely what I was about to propose. You'd make rather a good spy yourself, you know."

I smiled bravely, but I left the dungeon that day with a heavy heart. My respect and admiration for Professor Snape rose immensely, although this only made me feel worse. No one would ever know Snape as I did—except the headmaster, perhaps—and I couldn't use all the knowledge at my disposal to defend him in the manner he deserved. His sacrifice was great, the risks he took even greater, and I still consider him one of the most worthy heroes it has ever been my pleasure to know.

Before this, I felt wrong for not inviting Snape to the wedding, though that would have necessitated a new disguise for Sirius, but then I realised this was just as well. I only hoped Sirius' assuming his form at the wedding wouldn't place Professor Snape in any more danger. He kindly let me remain in the dungeon long enough to work up a good flood of tears. That wasn't nearly as difficult as I would have imagined, since I was already on the verge under the circumstances. When I returned to my sitting room, I wailed loudly, and Remus was thoroughly taken in.

"What's wrong, Wart?" he asked, grabbing my upper arms and looking concerned.

"Professor Snape and I had a terrible row," I said. "He said the most awful things."

"Oh, darling, I'm sorry." He pulled me close, stroking my hair. "What did he say?"

"I don't want to talk about it. I just want to forget I was ever nice to that man."

"I hate to say I told you so..." Remus said.

"Then don't!" I snapped, running to the bedroom and collapsing on the comforter.

He sat beside me, caressing my back. "I know he isn't evil, but he's not ... nice. Don't let whatever he said get to you."

I turned and let Remus hold me again. "I know you warned me, but I really thought we were friends."

"I'm very sorry, Wart, but it's better you see his true colours before you became any closer."

I found myself wanting to defend Snape again, but I repressed the urge with much difficulty.

"I wish I could make this easier for you," Remus said gently.

"Thanks, Moony," I said, holding him tighter. "I'll be all right eventually. Let's just not discuss him any more."

"Whatever you want, Wart." He kissed my forehead. "I'm almost done packing for the weekend. Do you want to inspect what I've got for you?"

"No, I trust you," I said, wiping my eyes.

We were planning to go to visit Remus' parents over weekend, so I could meet them before the wedding. My parents weren't invited. Harry, Ron, and Hermione declined to accompany us to Devon, saying they would be fine in our absence and didn't want to get in the way. Sirius knew of our plans and, at the last minute, he showed up to keep the children entertained. He added he'd completed whatever little errands Dumbledore had for him at the moment and could probably stay until the wedding, provided we kept the curtains drawn.

When Remus and I left for Exmoor, I was in a much better mood than when I'd come home that afternoon. The Lupins' cottage was large and homey, with a beautiful hearth and a warm fire through which we entered. A slightly built witch, short with snow-white hair and apron, rushed into the room.

"Abram, they're here!" she said excitedly, walking quickly to Remus and hugging him. "Remus Jeremiah! It's so good to see you."

"Hello, Mum," Remus said, stooping to kiss her wrinkled cheek. "This is Melinda."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs Lupin," I said, extending my hand, but she hugged me as well.

"Aren't you a pretty one? Call me Mildred, dear. Everyone does. Remus didn't describe you anywhere near right, except to say you were lovely." Mrs Lupin turned toward the kitchen, cupping her hands to her mouth and hollering louder this time. "Abram, they're here! Oh, excuse me, won't you? Remus' father is getting a little hard of hearing." She wandered off to the kitchen.

Shortly I heard an old man say, "Well, why didn't you tell me?"

Remus sniggered, shaking his head and rubbing his eyes.

"Moony, stop that," I said, backhanding his chest.

"Oh Wart, I love them both to pieces, but they're quite amusing on occasion."

Mrs Lupin reappeared shortly, dragging an old man behind her. What little hair he had was also white. He was every inch Remus' height, despite his age, and had the same lovely hazel eyes, although they were somewhat clouded by his years.

"Isn't she pretty?" Mrs Lupin asked.

"What?" Mr Lupin asked around the pipe stem clenched in his teeth.

Remus tapped his wand to each of his father's ears, muttering, "Amplificus." When he continued, his father heard him perfectly. "Mum said 'Isn't she pretty?' Dad."

"Oh aye, she is that," Mr Lupin answered. "Nice to see you, whelp," he continued, embracing his son.

"Nice to see you, too, Dad. This is Melinda."

Mr Lupin cuddled me as well. "Why haven't you been to see us sooner?" he asked with a hand on Remus' shoulder.

"Albus has been keeping me busy," Remus replied. I looked at him questioningly, but he only mouthed, "Later."

"Oh, I forget sometimes what a lofty wizard my son's become! On a first name basis with Dumbledore and all!"

"Abram, leave the boy alone," Mrs Lupin chided. "Dumbledore's a great wizard, and if he wants our son's help, Remus will gladly help him." She turned to me and asked, "Would you like some tea, dear?"

"Yes, please."

"Thanks, Mum, tea'd be great."

We went through to the kitchen, following the delicious aroma of Mrs Lupin's crumpets. After sitting down to a lovely tea, we started a pleasant conversation that didn't end until well after dinner. I liked the elder Lupins a great deal, and I could easily see how Remus turned out the way he was. From my best estimations, they were in their late seventies, so they must have been over forty when he was born. With an only child born late in life, it was no wonder they were overprotective. And Remus was bound to be a troublemaker. Falling in with Sirius and James probably only encouraged him.

"You couldn't imagine how happy we were when we had Remus' owl saying he'd finally met a girl who knew about his condition and didn't mind," Mrs Lupin gushed.

"His condition, his condition," Mr Lupin droned. "The whelp's a bloody werewolf!"

"Language!" Mrs Lupin yelped. I wondered if it was the "bloody" or the "werewolf" to which she had an objection.

"Dad hates euphemisms," Remus explained, and I could tell he was working hard to repress a smirk.

"So, the whelp tells us you've learnt to make the Wolfsbane Potion?" Mr Lupin continued.

"Yes, I have," I said, "and also something to help with his anaemia after the full moon."

"I always told him to pay more attention in Potions," Mrs Lupin said reprovingly. "I knew it would come in handy some day."

"Oh, Mum!" Remus said, with an exasperated sigh. "I paid close attention in all my classes. My nose was simply too discriminating to like Potions. Besides, Melinda's good enough in Potions for the both of us."

"I'm happy to help, Mrs—Mildred." I stopped mid-address because of the look she gave me—chastising in the nicest possible way.

"Well, we old folks in Devon go to bed early," Mr Lupin said, rising. "The whelp'll show you your room."

Mrs Lupin rose also, kissing Remus forehead and then mine. "Good night, you two."

"My room?" I asked after they'd left the kitchen.

"Mum and Dad are a little ... old fashioned," Remus said with a cough. "I hope you don't mind."

"Hmmm," I said, rising and brushing some errant strands of hair missed by his mother's ministrations back from his brow. "I don't know if I can keep my hands off you for two whole days."

Remus rose and pulled me close, kissing me. "You don't have to keep your hands off me. We just have to sleep in separate beds."

"In your parents' house? Moony, you are kinky! But I think we'd be a little too loud. Well, I would anyhow."

"The Amplification Charm wears off in a few hours," he said, biting my neck.

"Yes, but your mother's hearing seems to be fine," I protested, giggling. "Why does your father call you 'the whelp'?"

"He didn't care for 'Moony'. Want to go for a walk?"

"On Exmoor?" I asked incredulously.

Remus did smirk this time. "Well, we don't have to wander the whole moor, but I thought you might want to see where I was bitten."

"Are you sure that won't bother you?"

He shook his head. "I've been a werewolf for three decades now, Wart. I hardly get emotional any more."

I nodded. "All right, Moony."

He took my arm, and we walked out the backdoor onto the landscape of Exmoor, which looked dark purple now the sun had set. The remnants of a stone fence encircled the backyard, with the stones tumbling in many places. Remus picked up a fragment of stone, tossing it out onto the moor. He then pointed to the southwest corner, which looked like a canyon, as we walked toward it.

"That's where the werewolf came in," he said. "Dad stopped repairing the fence completely after I was bitten. There didn't seem any reason to keep it up any more, but it was over six feet high when I was younger. The rocks tumbled outward at first, and he managed to climb up from the outside. The hole was only a foot wide, but he continued to push until he got through. I guess he heard me or could smell my sweat or something. Whatever it was drew him here drove him crazy."

Once we reached the corner, Remus began to climb over, reaching his hand back for me when he made the top. I took his hand, and we continued out across Exmoor.

"You can imagine how much fun I had playing on the moor after I was bitten. My parents knew I wasn't nearly as fragile then. Whatever minor scrapes I received almost always disappeared before I could even get home. I actually broke my arm one morning, and the fracture healed completely before supper. They were still overprotective, but they had another focus for their energies, since they knew I wasn't going to break. After that, they let me do pretty much what I wanted, unless the moon was full."

"You took horrible advantage of them, didn't you?"

"I may be a troublemaker, but I'm not that bad. I love my Mum and Dad. They could have had me destroyed, you know. Many people would have. Most wizards and witches would have contacted the Committee directly, but my parents didn't."

"Why didn't the doctors contact the Committee?"

"As distressed as they were, Mum and Dad had the presence of mind to take me to a Muggle hospital. The Wizarding hospital would have brought someone from the Committee in almost immediately. Of course, the Muggle doctors were shocked and suspicious when my injuries healed so quickly. We left before they asked too many questions ... Thankfully my parents could look past the monster and still see the son they loved ... Just like you."

"Not like me," I said, shaking my head.

Remus turned toward me suddenly.

"I've never once seen a monster," I said, still shaking my head.

He sighed. "You can say that even after you've seen my transformation?"

"Yes, Moony. I saw a man and a wolf, never a monster. You're a wonderful man. And you make a cute wolf, too."

"Oh, Wart!" He pecked my cheek. "You're sweet."

"Are we going anywhere in particular?"

"No, nowhere in particular. Just far enough that my parents won't hear."

"Positively incorrigible!"

"Seriously, there's a cave somewhere around here that I want you to see."

"Moony! Surely you don't expect—in a cave?!?"

"No, I just want you to show you some of my childhood haunts. We probably should wait until tomorrow, though."

"Isn't your night vision good?"

"Mine is excellent, but I doubt yours is, and it's getting cold. Shall we go back?"

I nodded, and we returned to the cottage. After taking our luggage upstairs, Remus showed me to the guest room and then showed me his childhood room, which was decorated for a much younger wizard.

"Sometimes I think Abram and Mildred Lupin are labouring under the delusion that I'm a perpetual teenager," he said sadly, sinking onto the bed.

"That's when you were happiest," I said, sitting beside him on the yellow-and-black Wimbourne Wasps bedspread and putting my arm around him. "You can't blame them for wanting to cling to those memories."

"No, that's when I was the second happiest. I suppose I'm going to have to mention casually that I'm thirty-seven now and the happiest I've ever been." He touched a finger to my nose.

"Thanks, Moony. I've never been happier either."

We kissed goodnight, and I returned to the guest room to get ready for bed. The bed was comfortable, but I didn't sleep as well as I normally would for lack of Remus beside me. It has always amazed me how quickly one can become accustomed to something one has lived without one's entire life.