Professor Lupin's Apprentice

XVIII: Shape-shifters 'R' Us

I'd expected the request to surprise Hermione, no doubt, but I wasn't prepared for the amount of shock and abject horror I perceived on her face. I was deeply wounded and, I'll admit, I reacted badly.

"Look, Hermione," I said sharply, "I know you have a crush on Moony, but you don't have to be this way about it."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said quietly. She went back to studying her banana split, but she now was bright red.

"I can't say I blame you at all," I continued, more gently. "If he were my Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, I'd be smitten as well." I neglected to add that Remus practically was my instructor, since the most recent addition to the Hogwarts' staff, Professor Bootless, was completely ineffectual.

"You're mental," she whispered. This was bad. Hermione had an admirable vocabulary, so whenever she resorted to using Ron's expressions, the situation was grave indeed.

"I don't think I am. I love Remus and I want to make him happy above all else. And, since he has such high regard for you, I wish we could be friends. I really do."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you," she said curtly, standing and pulling her bag over her shoulder.

Hermione walked quickly away from the table, and I jumped up, following her. She had a bit of a head start, but I caught up with her once she'd passed a few shops, grabbing her arm and wheeling her around to face me. Tears poured from her eyes, which were already red and puffy. In my shock, I let go of her arm instantly. I felt so terrible for outing her crush. Of all people, her beloved's intended! She backed away from me as if I were the devil incarnate, then turned and ran. I lost sight of her as she entered Flourish and Blotts. I couldn't find her anywhere in the store, so I imagined the fireplace here was the nearest she could find. Again I followed, only a few steps behind.

"What happened?" Remus asked, alarmed, when I emerged from the hearth. "Hermione tore through here in a terrible state, saying something about wanting to get pissed."

"Isn't what happened obvious?" I asked testily. "We've had a lovely day of shopping." I brushed past him into the kitchen where I began to run a sinkful of hot water to start washing up.

"What are you doing?" he asked, leaning against the counter.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" I snapped. "I'm cleaning."

"You don't need to clean like that any more. You do remember that you're a witch and you can wash up with spells, don't you?"

"I'm an upset witch at the moment, and I clean when I'm upset." I sighed loudly. "She hates me, Moony."

"She doesn't hate you, Wart."

"You should have seen the look on her face when I asked her to be my maid of honour. I may as well have asked if she wanted to devote her life in service to Voldemort."

Remus wrapped him arms around me from behind. "I'll talk to her."

"That won't help, trust me." I turned, laying my head against his chest and clasping him tightly with sudsy hands.

He kissed my forehead. "No, you're probably right ... But I think I might know what would."

"Where are you going?" I asked as he started toward the door.

"I have to ask Harry if I can borrow Hedwig."

"What are you up to, Moony?"

"No good, as usual," he said with a wink. "Don't worry, Wart. I'll sort it out."

Hermione refused to acknowledge my presence during tea or supper, although Harry and Ron gave her several cold stares. Hedwig returned shortly after Remus and I had gone to bed, tapping lightly on the window. Remus lit the bedside candle with his palm flame, then opened the window and unwrapped the response from her leg. He read with his back to me so I couldn't see what the letter said.

"No reply, thanks, Hedwig. Do you want to go through back to Harry's room or around?" he asked, as he put the letter away.

Hedwig clicked her beak and turned around on the windowsill.

"All right, around then. Thanks again, Hed." Remus closed the window and came back to bed.

"So, what was that all about?" I asked, snuggling up to him.

"I said I'd sort it out, didn't I?" Remus asked, kissing my forehead. "Can't I have one or two little secrets, Wart?"

"I don't like your secrets, Moony," I said, pouting. "They always mean trouble."

"Well, let's call it a surprise, then." He kissed me and we settled down to sleep.

I woke at a little after six the next morning when I rolled over and Remus wasn't in the bed. After pulling on my robe, I went downstairs to look for him. When I found him—on the back porch by the car park—he sat on a crate, feeding sausages to a huge black dog. In all my life, I've never seen a dog that size: as big as a small bear. There was nothing exceptionally odd about Remus' talking to the dog, I suppose, but the dog appeared to be listening intently as it gnawed on the sausages. I feel guilty about it now, but I listened through the door before I went outside.

"I was thinking, maybe if you talked to her, she'd understand," Remus said. "She'll listen to you, whereas she wouldn't listen to me. At least, not about this."

The dog made a knowing whimper.

"You know what my life was like before, right? And how good Wart is to me? I mean, my God! She's endured Snape long enough to learn to make the Wolfsbane Potion for me! If that isn't devotion, I don't know what is!"

The dog wagged his tail and made a noise that sounded incredibly like a chuckle. It then dawned on me what Remus wanted Hedwig for: black dog ... Sirius Black. I stepped outside quickly, pulling the door closed behind me.

"Oh, Snape's not all that bad when you get to know him," I said. "Good morning, Moony. Nice to meet you finally, Sirius."

The dog sat up and extended a paw, which I shook.

"So, is this why you asked me about pets, Remus?"

"You didn't think I was going to transform in my room, did you?" Remus asked with a smirk. "Like I said, I sometimes take in strays."

Sirius growled.

"Oh, come off it, Padfoot! How would you explain it to your landlady?"

"Would you two like to come upstairs, so Sirius can ... slip into something more comfortable?"

They both nodded, and I opened the door to the back staircase. Even though we weren't likely to run into anyone here, we kept our voices low.

"Come on, Snuffles," Remus said, patting his leg. "Come on, boy."

"Snuffles?" I asked incredulously.

"He chose the name," Remus whispered. "No accounting for taste."

Sirius growled again.

When we were upstairs with the doors locked and the curtains drawn, the dog became a man, and Remus embraced him warmly. When they pulled apart, I had my first look at Sirius Black of Moony, Padfoot and Prongs notoriety. He was a tad taller than Remus, but not much, although he looked more so because he was rail thin. In fact, it was striking how much their features had in common when I first met them both: the pale, gaunt face and the tired eyes. Remus had filled out nicely now, but the image of Sirius as a man was eerily familiar, even though they couldn't have looked more different physically.

Remus' short brown hair was peppered with grey and had an annoying habit of falling into his eyes; Sirius' shaggy jet mane fell to the middle of his back but seemed to stay out of his face of its own volition, almost as if it were afraid to anger him. Remus' hazel eyes were hauntingly kind; Sirius' black eyes looked distant and as if they could become cruel in an instant—a great deal like Professor Snape's. I instinctively knew I never wanted to have either Sirius Black or Severus Snape truly angry with me. When Sirius smiled, however, he showed the same warmth as Remus, and I was instantly at ease around him.

"Would you like a proper breakfast, Padfoot?" I asked, heading toward the kitchen. "You don't mind if I call you Padfoot, do you?"

He beamed a great smile. "Yes. And no."

I stared at him for a second before asking, "You're as bad as Dumbledore, aren't you?"

"That I will take as great compliment, Wart," Sirius said, with a slight bow. "How d'you get stuck with 'Wart' anyhow?"

I stepped from the kitchen, skillet in hand. "Ask that one," I said, pointing my spatula at Remus.

"Well, Moony?"

"She's a worrywart. Always fussing over me. It just ... fit."

"You need someone to fuss over you, Moony," Sirius said. "I'm glad you found such a looker, though."

I felt myself blush as I scrambled eggs and fried more sausages.

"Don't get any ideas, Padfoot, old friend," Remus warned. "I may be a wolf, Wart, but Padfoot is most certainly a dog."

"I suppose 'Wart' is pretty good, considering," Sirius continued, apparently ignoring Remus. He came into the kitchen and leant against the doorjamb. "I came up with 'Moony,' and James thought up 'Prongs' himself, but 'Wormtail' was his idea." He jerked his head in Remus' direction.

"Am I never going to hear the end of that?" Remus asked, joining us. "I didn't turn him into a rat, you know? He did that all on his own."

"I feel some motherly chastising coming on," I said, scraping eggs onto plates and doling out sausages.

"Oh, I do like her, Moony," Sirius said, as I handed him his plate.

"Why?" I asked. "Because I can cook, or because I won't hesitate to put you in your place?"

"Both," Sirius replied, shrugging, but with a smirk.

Remus pecked my cheek and took his plate. We three then sat down to breakfast. Sirius wolfed down his food as Remus explained the rest of situation with Hermione, including her reaction when I'd asked her to be my maid of honour. He nodded occasionally and made some grunting noises, but it was clear he already had a plan in mind. We decided, after he had some time to let his breakfast settle, that Remus would go downstairs and bring her up so Sirius could talk to her. Hermione and Sirius went into our bedroom, and Remus again went downstairs to retrieve Ron and Harry, who waited on the sofa.

I'll never know exactly what Sirius said to Hermione. Both refused to tell any of us, but I highly suspect it included horrible tales of Remus' transformations before the potion, which Sirius had undoubtedly witnessed, or at least heard. They only talked for a quarter hour or so but, when Sirius opened the door of our bedroom, he beckoned Remus and me inside. Hermione sat on the bed, still crying. I thought it hadn't gone well, that Sirius couldn't convince her. To my surprise, after Sirius closed the door behind us, she got up, walked straight to me, and hugged me around the middle.

"I'm so sorry, Wart," she whispered, strangled with emotion.

I looked to Sirius, but he only shook his head. "It's quite all right, Hermione," I said, stroking her unruly hair.

"No, it's not all right. I've been perfectly horrid to you, when all you've wanted is to make Moony's life as nice as you possibly can. I'm so sorry ... and I would love to be you maid of honour, if the offer still stands."

"Of course it does!" I said, smiling.

Sirius cleared his throat. "I'll just go talk to Harry and Ron, then, shall I?"

Remus came over and knelt down to hug her. "You've made us both very happy, Herm," he said.

"I'm sorry, Moony. I've been such a prat!"

"No, you haven't," he said gently. With a wry grin, he added, "A brat, perhaps, but not a prat."

"Remus!" I chided, slapping the back of his head.

"No, he's right," Hermione said, wiping her eyes. "How can I ever make it up to you?"

I thought for a minute. "Well, I still haven't picked out my wedding dress. Want to help?"

Her eyes went wide with delight. "Oh, I'd love that. Thank you ever so much!"

Unfortunately, Sirius couldn't stay long, so Harry took Snuffles down the back stairs after lunch, after the rest of us said our good-byes. My next girl's day out with Hermione went much better than the first, as we wandered through Muggle London looking at dresses. Remus had left it up to me whether to have a Wizard or Muggle wedding, as he was just as comfortable in either type of attire. I chose a Muggle wedding because I was determined at least once in my life to see him in an Ascot tuxedo. The fringe benefit was I would get to see Snape in one as well. In the end, Hermione and I agreed on a very Victorian looking wedding dress—complete with bustle—and a Victorian bridesmaid's gown to match.

Now that we were friends at long last, after Ron and Harry went to bed, Hermione would sneak upstairs for an hour or so to work on the Polyjuice Potion. Since Sirius wouldn't be able to join us again until right before the wedding, Remus volunteered to be our guinea pig. He sipped the potion and waited for it to take affect. When it did, his guise was flawless, even down to the greasy hair, the antiseptic odour, and the Dark Mark on his left forearm.

"Easiest transformation I've ever had," Remus said in Snape's voice, admiring his reflection. "Werewolf to slimeball in two minutes flat."

"Remus," I warned.

"Sorry, Wart," Remus said, glancing at me briefly before turning back to the mirror and grinning. "You know, a smile really improves his looks."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you for months," I said.

"Are you sure you don't fancy Snape?" he asked, dipping me and leaning in for a kiss.

"Stop!" I cried, planting my hands firmly on his shoulders in an attempt to push him away. "This is too creepy."

"Why?" he whispered. "You've done it before..." He then wriggled Snape's eyebrows.

"Not in front of Hermione," I said, glancing in her direction. "You'll traumatise the poor girl."

"Oh!" His eyes grew wide, and he set me upright. "I forgot we had an audience."

When we turned to face her, Hermione shuddered, her nose crinkled with distaste.

"Er—sorry, Hermione," I said.

"Yes, so sorry, Herm," the Snape-like Remus repeated. He then got a mischievous look in his eyes. "Fifty points from Gryffindor!" he bellowed, and Hermione flinched.

"Not so loud!" I hissed. "Harry and Ron will hear you, and I don't want to have to explain why Snape is in my flat."

"I've always wanted to do that," Snape's voice said through a hearty chuckle.

"Sometimes I really hate being so good," Hermione said. "I'm going to bed before I'm marred for life." With a wave, she stood and pivoted on the ball of her foot, heading toward the door, her intractable hair swinging pertly behind her.

After Hermione left, when I turned to Remus, he had fixed a positively lewd expression on Snape's face. "So ... you want to?" he asked, jerking his head toward the bedroom.

"What?!?" I gasped, completely shocked.

"Oh, come now," he said, putting an arm around my waist and pulling me close to Snape's body. "Don't tell me you haven't had your little fantasies about him."

"Oh, Moony! This is too kinky even for you." I tried to push him away again, but he wouldn't let go.

"Nothing's too kinky for me," Snape's double purred, shrugging. "You can feel free to admit it. I won't get angry. I understand, actually. He's so dark and ... dangerous." He whispered the last word against the skin of my neck, and I shivered.

"Are you sure you won't get angry?" I asked cautiously.

The Snape-like Remus nodded, and murmured an "Mmmm hmmm," before nibbling my earlobe.

I shivered again. "All right. I've had a few tiny fantasies."

"Let's see how many of them we can live out before this stuff wears off."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that."

"Why not?" he asked, puzzled.

"We have plenty more hairs," I said, giggling and backing away from him. "I can always make more."

"Doesn't sound like tiny fantasies to me," the Snape-like Remus said, chasing me into the bedroom.