Professor Lupin's Apprentice

XV: Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!

The next time I saw Professor Snape was Monday morning in Potions class, and he again wanted to speak to me after class. This time, however, he said only that we had too much to discuss and he feared I would be regrettably late to Transfiguration if we attempted to cover it all between classes. In lieu of that, he asked that I meet him immediately following lunch. Again, I had the distinct impression this request was more of a command. As I walked to the dungeon after lunch, I knew I was about to undertake the dramatic performance of a lifetime.

"You weren't ill Friday, were you?" he asked, closing his office door. His face was expressionless, but his eyes betrayed his anticipation of my answer.

"Unless heartsick counts," I said feebly.

He studied my face for a moment. "I think we can forego detention for truancy, under the circumstances. I imagine it was quite a blow about your friend."

"Yes," I said, sighing loudly and sinking into a chair. "It's one thing when it's a family member, but..." Then I thought, It wouldn't have been such a blow if you hadn't engineered the axe falling, would it?

"It was bad of me to spring it on you like that," he continued, as if reading my mind, "but I thought you needed to know." Snape gave my shoulder a quick and awkward consoling pat before walking behind his desk and sitting.

"I appreciate that, sir. I probably wouldn't have believed you if you'd merely told me." I stared at my lap, looking morose, but I smiled inwardly, hardly believing my luck. Just as Remus and I expected, Snape assumed this revelation would certainly have ended our relationship. But we had already been down that road, and our love survived unscathed. The daft git bought it hook, line and sinker!

"That's what I suspected," he said in what I'm sure was supposed to be an attempt at a sympathetic tone. Instead it sounded sadly ingratiating. "You've known Lupin how long?"

I made my bottom lip quiver slightly. "It would have been a year in April."

Snape closed his eyes and nodded.

"He seemed so ... normal," I said, shrugging. That was a blatant lie, of course, but I thought I carried it off exceptionally well. I'd known Remus was different to every man I'd ever met from the first moment, but in a good way, unlike present company. The nicest thing I could say about Professor Snape's oddities was they weren't contagious.

"They always do," Snape said. "And people are drawn to them. That's the wolf—the animal magnetism. Wolves are beautiful animals. One would never know by looking how very dangerous they can be." That was a loaded statement if I ever heard one. He spoke almost as if he envied that quality, as if his life would be so much more pleasant had he beauty to mask the hazards he presented.

"What do you mean, sir?" I asked.

"Only that Lupin appears a particularly meek sheep, considering the wolf within. You'd never suspect—from the mild, handsome face or the genteel manner—that he conspired to murder me when we were at school together."

"What?" I whispered in disbelief. I was no longer acting. I was horrified. Remus had clearly forgotten to tell me something yet again, and this time is was earth shattering.

"Our fifth year at Hogwarts," Snape continued. "Originally his friend Sirius Black's idea. I was ... understandably curious ... as to where Lupin disappeared to every month. One night I'd seen him being smuggled out of the castle at dusk. Black caught me spying and told me, if I wanted to know where Lupin went, the answer lay at the base of the Whomping Willow. All I had to do was push a knot on the trunk with a long stick. The branches would seize, and I could get inside a tunnel. Lupin was at the end of the tunnel, Black had said.

"So I waited until full darkness and stole out of the castle, making my way to the tree. I found the knot and followed the passage as we did last Thursday. Within seconds of entering the tunnel, I heard a menacing growl emanating from the upstairs bedroom and caught a glimpse of the monster Lupin had become. If I hadn't been dragged free at the last minute, I would be dead—the ultimate butt of Black and Lupin's joke."

I didn't know what to say. Either he was baiting me, in which case he didn't believe that Remus and I had truly parted ways, or ... what he said was true. If that was the case, he didn't take me to the Shrieking Shack the previous Thursday night to hurt Remus, but rather to protect me from him. Furthermore, he had every reason to hate Remus.

The proverbial rug had just been pulled out from under me. I rested my elbows on the edge of the desk and buried my face in my hands. My stomach churned as though I were going to vomit, and my chest tightened until I couldn't breathe. A chill overtook my entire body, and I shook uncontrollably. Something warm then wrapped around me. Professor Snape had covered me with his cloak because I was shivering.

"Thank you." Once my teeth stopped chattering, I asked, "Who pulled you out of the tunnel?"

"That's not important," Snape replied, resuming his seat. "The point is, that would-be murderer fooled you as he fooled me, and as he fooled Dumbledore into believing he was safe enough to employ. A tame werewolf," he sneered. "Even with Wolfsbane Potion I've prepared myself, I don't entirely trust him to control the monster within ... Do you know why he's pale and tired the morning following the full moon?"

I shrugged, wondering how Snape knew Remus' condition the following day. "Exhaustion from his transformation?"

"If I were teaching Defence Against the Dark Arts, you would know this. The pallor and fatigue are caused by anaemia. Werewolves become anaemic if they do not taste fresh blood during the full moon. I expect he would be back to normal in three or four days?"

"Yes."

Snape nodded in a self-satisfied way. "After that amount of time, his human blood producing mechanisms could repair the damage caused by the lupine aspect."

"If he was pale and tired, though, that is a good thing, isn't it? It means he didn't kill any—thing—the night before." My entire body went numb as I tried to remember if Remus had ever not been pale and tired the morning after the full moon.

"Yes," Snape replied, his lip curling, "but that would hardly make him something I would want to keep as a pet." I was aghast that he would say something so unfeeling, and he could tell from my expression he was out of line. "Forgive me. That was uncalled for," he added softly. "You're still having trouble accepting that Lupin is capable of killing someone?"

"Frankly I am, Professor Snape."

"I know you cared about him—"

"I still do."

"—but I know you must also see the truth in what I've told you." When I didn't answer immediately, he leant forward, hands clasped together on the desk. "Might I ask you to consider something, Miss Rhoades?"

I nodded.

"Have you ever known me to lie to you?"

"No, sir," I admitted.

"Have you ever known Lupin to lie to you?"

"Yes." Frequently, I thought.

Snape arched an eyebrow as if to say, "You have your answer." He then sighed and leant back, studying my face. "You don't look equal to class. Would you like me to excuse you for the rest of the day?"

I nodded, standing. As Remus was certain to be home, I didn't relish the thought of going there, but I really had no where else I could go, and I didn't want to think about class. Snape put an arm about my shoulders and led me toward the hearth, saying he would contact Hagrid and Professor Sprout about my absence. He then threw a handful of Floo powder into the fireplace to send me home. When I emerged from my sitting room fireplace, I didn't see Remus. I'd planned on going straight to bed and was well on the way when he emerged from the kitchen.

"I thought I heard you come in," Remus said, smiling. His expression then became concerned. "Are you all right, Wart? You don't look well."

"I don't feel well," I said, brushing past him into the bedroom. "I've been sent home sick." With that, I went straight to bed still in my robes, hiding under the covers and trying to drive the troubling thoughts about Remus being an accomplice to attempted murder out of my head. I must have dozed off because the next time I looked at the clock, it was after four. A short while later, I woke again to Remus sitting beside me on the bed, caressing my face.

"Do you want some tea, sleepyhead?" he asked.

"No, I want to be left alone," I grumbled, rolling away from him.

He leant against the headboard in a huff. "Aren't we surly today?"

"You'd be surly, too, if you had the talk with Snape that I had."

"Oh, that's the trouble," he said, rubbing my back through the comforter. I took all the determination I had not to recoil. "Did he lecture you about consorting with werewolves?"

"Not exactly."

"What then?"

I bit my lip. "He lectured me about consorting with attempted murderers."

Remus said nothing, but his sharp intake of breath indicated he knew exactly to what I was referring.

"Funny, all those times you told me Snape hated you, you never said why. Now I understand why you failed to mention it."

"He hated me before that," Remus said weakly. "He wanted to know where I went every month because he wanted to get me expelled."

"That's no reason to kill him!" I shouted, sitting up and throwing off the covers.

"I didn't want to kill him," Remus said, shaking his head frantically. He looked on the verge of tears. "I didn't want to kill anybody. I've never wanted to hurt anyone. I didn't know what Sirius was planning! I was furious with him, and so was the headmaster. But Dumbledore couldn't expel Sirius without revealing my secret. So he swore Snape to silence and made Sirius do the worst detentions he could devise every day for the rest of term and all of our sixth year. Snape always hated James, Sirius and me. That night merely added fuel to the fire. It's hard to say whom he hated most, though—me for being a werewolf, Sirius for putting him in harm's way, or James for rescuing him."

"James rescued him?"

"Yes," Remus said, looking confused. "Sirius bragged to James what he'd done, and James only just got Snape out of the tunnel before I pounced. He didn't mention that?"

"He said someone pulled him free, but he didn't say who."

"That's why James didn't get in trouble. The headmaster knew he wouldn't have saved Snape if he'd been in on it. And Dumbledore knew hurting someone was the last thing I wanted to do. I would have told him directly if I knew Sirius was planning to send Snape to the Shrieking Shack. I would never have let it go that far. I would have made certain Snape never got out of the castle. My God! What kind of a monster do you think I am?"

"A werewolf," I whispered without thinking.

I'd never seen Remus angrier than the previous Thursday night, and I've never seen him more devastated than after that remark. He looked at me as if I'd just stabbed him straight through the heart before burying his face in his hands. Of all the people he didn't want to think of him as a monster, I was at the top of the list.

"I'm sorry, Remus," I said, trying to sound comforting, but still too afraid to touch him.

"You know me better than anyone, Melinda," he said, sobbing. "Have I ever been anything but gentle? Have I ever done anything to make you think I would intentionally hurt you or anyone else? I have a sickness, remember? That's how you thought of it—just a sickness."

"Remus, I'm sorry," I said, tears forming in my eyes, "but that's just what Snape said."

"What?" he asked, removing his hands from his face and gaping at me with tear-stained cheeks.

"That I'd never suspect it from your manner."

"How could you believe him? Has he got you under a Confundus Charm or something?"

"He didn't have to use a charm. Only logic."

"What logic?"

"He asked me to think about, of the two of you, who was the proven liar," I whispered. Comprehension dawned in Remus' eyes then, and he sounded as if he were talking to himself rather than me when he continued.

"I thought I talked about all that when ... But he knew! He had to know! He came in before that ... Did I forgot to mention Snape came in with Harry's Invisibility Cloak?"

"Remus, what are you talking about?"

"Well, I glossed over the whole thing pretty quickly, didn't I?" When he realised what I'd asked him, he asked, "You remember when I told you about the night Sirius escaped from Hogwarts?"

I nodded.

"When Snape came to my office to bring me the potion that night, he saw the Marauder's map lying on my desk, fully activated. I'd been in such a hurry, I forgot to wipe it before I left. The map said I was heading for the Shrieking Shack, and he'd assumed I was running off to meet Sirius. He'd suspected me of helping him all year. By the time Snape saw the map, though, Peter, Sirius, and Ron were already in the shack. That's off the edge of the map, so he wouldn't have seen their names as I did.

"Snape set down the goblet when he looked at the map—it was still on my desk the next day—and he came to the Whomping Willow, intent on capturing Sirius. He found Harry's cloak lying at the base of the tree and put it on. The door opened seemingly on its own that night, and that's when I told the children the shack wasn't haunted—that it never had been, that the 'ghosts' people in Hogsmeade heard were actually my howls of pain. But Snape lied to you as well, because we talked about that night in our fifth year after he came in but before we knew he was there. He knows I wasn't in on that awful prank..." Remus trailed off and shrugged helplessly. "Oh, but why would he believe me? He never has. Why should he start now?

"The children knocked Snape out with their exuberant disarming. He was still unconscious when we talked about how Sirius found out Peter betrayed James and Lily. When Snape realised he wouldn't be getting the Order of Merlin, the next morning he told the Slytherins I was a werewolf. And I resigned before the owls came rolling in from parents—not because, mind you, just before. I didn't want Albus to jeopardise his reputation yet again merely to protect me. If I resigned because of anything, it was that I could have hurt Harry, Ron or Hermione that night. I only thank God Sirius was there to keep me off them."

I believed him then. I pulled him to me, apologising profusely for ever doubting him. Remus accepted my apologies with grace and love. Only one thing still bothered me about the whole affair.

"Why would Sirius try to kill Snape, though? Yes, he hated him, but why use you as his weapon? That would have got rid of Snape, but it would have hurt you just as much, wouldn't it? The headmaster couldn't have covered up a death, and you would have been expelled, too."

"Expulsion was the least of my worries. I would have been turned over to the Committee for the Disposal of Dangerous Creatures."

"Disposal?" I asked warily, knowing I didn't want to hear the answer.

"The Ministry of Magic's euphemism for execution. Wizards get trials. Werewolves don't."

"Oh my God! For something you weren't even conscious of doing?"

He nodded solemnly. "That's why Dumbledore was so protective of me. That's why he kept you from coming to Hogwarts, remember? Because the wolf in me might have killed your parents to protect my mate, even though the human in me would have only informed the proper authorities or tried any other way to get you out of such a terrible situation. The headmaster didn't want to gamble with my life."

"But why would Sirius?" I asked. "He loved you just as much, didn't he?"

"Sirius was always a loose cannon. Obviously he hadn't thought about the consequences of his actions. When Dumbledore told him his little joke could have meant a death sentence for one of his best friends in addition to Snape..." He shrugged again. "From then on the only thing he did more than detentions was apologise to me. If I had a Knut for every time I heard him say 'I'm so sorry, Moony,' well ... I wouldn't have to worry about not being able to find work. I got so sick of hearing that, I accepted his apology just to shut him up, but only after James and I refused to speak to him for two months. If that and his detentions weren't punishment enough, he spent twelve years in Azkaban for a murder he didn't commit. I think he's paid his debt for any attempted murder, and I've forgiven him. Can you?"

I nodded, and then shook my head.

"You can't forgive him?" Remus asked, concerned.

"Oh no, it's not that!" I said, touching his arm. "I just can't believe I let Snape manipulate me like that."

"Don't blame yourself, Wart," he said, putting his hand to my cheek. "He has the advantage of at least thinking he's justified ... Do you think he was trying to ascertain if we were still together?"

"I thought for a moment he might have been trying to goad me into defending you, but I don't think he'll suspect anything after today. I was a right nutter in his office."

"I'm sorry about that ... but at least you were convincing."

He held me for a long time after that, since I'd had a decidedly bad day. Well, both of us had, really.