Hogwarts: The MWPP Version

James Potter was drooling into a small bowl that had been placed under his head by Remus. He was watching Lily Evans from across the common room. Peter discreetly leaned over to Sirius.

"Maybe you should perform your elaborate, well-thought out plan to get James and Lily together," Peter whispered to Sirius. Sirius nodded seriously. He stood up.

"Lily!" he called. "James loves you and moans your name in his sleep!" he yelled out. The entire common room fell quiet. James started twitching and ran out of the room. Lily followed him.

Outside in the hallway, love was blooming.

"I hate you, James!" Lily screamed.

"I hated you first!" James screamed back. They stood there for a moment and then kissed passionately. Lily slapped James and walked back into the common room.

The next day, The Marauders were playing their favorite sport; Snape-hunting. Sirius snuck up behind him, while James and Remus came up on the sides. Peter was the look out. James cast a well-aimed curse and...

"Ahhh!" Snape yelped, desperately trying to fling the chipmunk from his hair. Sirius, Remus, and James snickered loudly. Sadly for them, Professor Potions, the Potions Professor, happened to walk by.

"What is going on here?" she demanded. Snape was stilling fighting with the chipmunk. James gave her a puppy-dog face.

"We didn't do it," he said. Professor Potions smiled.

"Of course not... Ten points from Slytherin for harassing these fine young lads," she scolded Snape, who had his wand out, beating the chipmunk off his face. She smiled at Sirius, Remus, and James and walked back to wherever it is badly named Professors go.

****
Peter was all alone.

He was cold, scared, and slightly hungry. He had gotten lost on his way to the kitchens and he found himself in dark, scary hallway all alone. He heard a noise.

"Eep!" Peter squeaked, jumping around. There, standing behind him was the horror of horrors. The very thing he feared the most...

"Pettigrew," Snape drawled, with a sneer on his face. Ickle Peter nearly wet himself. Peter stepped backwards into the wall. He looked around wildly for help, but there was none. He started praying as Snape advanced, his wand held high...

"Here I come to save the day!" Sirius yelled, jumping from the shadows and tackling Snape to the ground. James and Remus stepped out from the shadows also, looking mildly amused. Peter sighed in relief, and made a quiet retreat towards the dorm, to change his pants.

The next day, Sirius Black walked into the Great Hall. Every girl swooned. He winked to a few on his way to his table and they squealed, swooned some more, and fainted on the spot.

"Ohh, he is so handsome!" a Ravenclaw sighed.

"So manly!" a Hufflepuff agreed.

"I went out with him once," another Hufflepuff gloated. Suddenly, all the girls paused and in some single motion, they all attacked her in a fit of jealous rage. Sirius ignored this and sat down with his friends.

"You guys..." Sirius started, looking downcast. "None of the girls like me."

Remus snorted and Peter choked. James rolled his eyes. A few girls came over and offered themselves to Sirius, but he just proceeded to butter his toast.

"I guess I'll be a bachelor forever."

Sirius sighed unhappily after a girl came over and stole a lock of his hair.