Three O'clock in the Morning

Three O'clock in the Morning

In the real dark night of the soul, it is always three o'clock in the morning. - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Dignity

Where is there dignity unless there is honesty? - Cicero

Sirius smiled at Hermione, Harry, and Draco as he walked the three to the train station after the three had been to the cinema together, seeing a film called "Independence Day." Apparently Draco and Harry enjoyed the film more than Hermione, but that was more than typical. Hermione infinitely preferred the park and books to the boys' joys of the cinema and board games. Sirius was only shocked that she had not yet been introduced to Thebe, with whom she would undoubtedly make friends.

It had become pattern for Draco to walk Hermione home, as the Malfoys lived only a street over from the Grangers. Sometimes Harry joined his girlfriend and cousin, often staying with Lucius and Narcissa for a time before returning home. Sirius had not even realized that his godson was dating until Regulus teased him at a Black Sunday dinner and Draco had outright cackled. Then the entire Black tribe laughed at a poor, blushing Harry, and Bellatrix and Sasha questioned him about Hermione. It reminded Sirius of what he had always thought family life should be.

His life was delightful and simple and almost everything he had wanted when he was still just a kid. He had a beautiful wife, a son, a loving family, and a steady, prestigious job. Sirius knew many men would give an arm and a leg to be in his position. His stepson was courteous and responsible. Lily was intelligent and faithful. His family cared for him, despite the fact that he seemed to make an idiot of himself regularly. He co-owned the funeral home with his brother. He had two very close friends in whom he could confide.

On the surface it was perfect. Until you realized just who you were talking about. He was Sirius Black, escaped convict and certified wizard. His two friends were his sworn enemy and a girl who died roughly two decades before he met her. His stunning wife really belonged to his dead best friend. Sirius could not say anything against Harry or the extended Black family, though. Harry seemed quite similar to his Harry, if less vocal and more contemplative at times. And this new family of his was a cut above his previous one. So far, no one had attempted to maim, kill, or steal the inheritance of another family member. These past weeks beat out his old family on any given Saturday.

Sirius was still torn between his two worlds. On one hand, this new place, this world beyond the Archway and Veil, held more peace and comfort than Sirius could remember his place ever having. Yes, there were times of great joy in Sirius' life, but there were always undertones of danger and darkness. One could not live one's life in an eternal war zone and not be affected. In this place, he was not hunted down like an animal and he was not imprisoned like the convict he was. On the other hand, he had lost everything he knew and loved. There were many things in his world that he loved - his magic, Moony, Andromeda and Nymphadora, and Dumbledore, to name a few - that were not here.

This sudden epiphany hit home earlier that evening, while Harry and company were still at the cinema. Sirius and Lily had invited Remus and Peter over for their traditional Saturday night dinner and card game. Once Sirius had grown accustomed to being in the same room as Peter and not attempting to castrate and/or decapitate the man, these evenings had grown to be enjoyable. Sirius looking forward to Saturday night even more than Sunday. He liked being able to laugh with old friends over a bowl of soup, although sometimes his heart broke when Remus laughed openly and told jokes, something his Moony had never done. Peter, as always, was quieter and hung onto every word Remus and Sirius said, smiling kindly at Lily when he complimented her on the food.

He could almost pretend he was home. Until, that is, Remus or Peter opened his mouth, or Lily demurely poured their tea. That was when his illusion shattered. Lily, the wildly opinionated redhead, was as quiet as a mouse in church. Remus, the sweet and forgiving Remus, sometimes made a crude joke or two, sometimes made rude comments about Severus, not caring for the rules or that he might hurt another's feelings in their absence. And Peter, the pudgy hanger-on who turned traitor, would reprimand Remus for his insults and talk of his success at the local advertising agency.

Sirius had wondered that night, as he sipped his bitter tea, why everything was so different. Was magic so life altering? When his lover was a werewolf, outcast from society and ignored by those deemed important and knowledgeable, Remus was the kindest person Sirius ever met. Yet, here, where his life is easy in comparison and he is well liked by many in the community, the man is almost bitter, and, in the very least, quick to make conclusions about others. One would assume the opposite to be true.

Peter seemed to thrive as a Muggle, something that did not shock Sirius in the least. As boys, Peter had been the most magically inept, despite his Pureblood background. Sirius remembered, if he tried quite hard, one time in their third year when Peter received a Howler from his father for nearly failing Charms. The pudgy boy had been ashamed to have his failure broadcast to the entire Great Hall, especially when it was known that his three best friends were all brilliant. Of course, that had also been the reason Sirius and James had chosen Peter to be the Secret Keeper, their final and fatal choice. Perhaps Peter would have been happier with a Muggle life.

Sirius sighed and gently guided Harry through the park. Harry remained silent, not asking his dark-haired guardian any questions, a habit left over from when the other Sirius had been his stepfather. In those days, Harry was not allowed to ask questions. He could still recall the first time he asked about James. One would have thought he attempted to murder his mother and stepfather, if one judged by Sirius's reaction. After that, Harry kept almost all of his questions to himself.

Harry sat down on the park bench to which Sirius led them; curling up on one end, his green eyes watching his godfather's every move. Sirius, on the other hand, collapsed on his end bonelessly, like a cat. The other walkers in the park did not notice the two dark men, who seem to blend with the shadows cast by the trees.

"What's wrong?" Harry finally steeled himself to ask. Was Sirius going home? Would he be leaving forever?

Sirius blinked at his godson as if he had forgotten he was there, which was, in fact, true. "Oh, nothing's wrong, Harry. Not wrong, per se."

Harry frowned, furrowing his brow. The old Sirius was never like this, jumping around the question, beating around the bush. As much as he disliked his stepfather, Harry had to admit the man always got to the point, even if the point was usually Harry's many and varied failings. He had to remember that this man was not his stepfather. "If nothing is wrong, then why are we here, sitting on a park bench in the middle of the night, rather than going home and having some tea with Mum?"

Sirius chuckled at Harry's line of thinking. He truly loved this boy, even if he were not the godson he had known. "I think I've come to a decision, but it will greatly affect your life. I ought to consult with you before I change your life so drastically." There, Sirius thought, that sounds responsible and parental of me.

Harry's heart dropped to the pit of his stomach like a lead ball. Sirius had found the Archway and Veil at last, he thought. He would not keep his godfather from returning to his much beloved home, but he would sorely miss the man. He knew his mother, Sasha, Severus, and even Remus and Peter would miss Sirius. This kind-hearted convict would soon be replaced with his stepfather, Harry assumed with dread. "That's great, Sirius," he managed to squeak out.

"What?" Sirius frowned at his stepson, who looked like he just lost his puppy. What was wrong? Had he just accidentally said something awful? "What's great?"

"Well, you're going home, aren't you?" Harry asked, trying and failing to sound unaffected.

Sirius shook his head, his long hair brushing against his shoulders and face. "No, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. I've been working with Sasha and Severus to find the Archway and Veil, but we can't find anything on it. By this point, we probably would have found something if it's out there. I talked it over with both of them and we think it's best that I learn to acclimate myself to this world, here, with you."

Harry smiled at Sirius, his green eyes shining. This was wonderful news. Not saying a word, Harry lunged forward and embraced his godfather, burying his face in his chest.

A bit shocked at Harry's show of obvious approval, Sirius rubbed the teenager's back and smiled weakly at the other people in the park who had begun to stare at the two men. "Hey, Harry, it's okay," he whispered. "I'm right here."

"I know," Harry replied, his words muffled by Sirius' body. "But I thought for a minute there that the other Sirius was going to be back."

"Was he really that bad?"

Harry released his godfather and returned to his end of the bench. "Yeah, pretty much. It was better when I got to Hogwarts, though. Wasn't around as much."

Sirius frowned, wanting to hurt his counterpart for hurting Harry.

"Not that you're anything like that," Harry hurried to explain, misinterpreting Sirius's expression.

Sirius ruffled Harry's hair. "Hey, kid, I know what it's like growing up with rough parents, you don't have to explain it to me. And it doesn't look like I'll be going anywhere for a long while."

Harry grinned at the wizard, pleased to have the man in his life even if he did not understand him half the time. "But what is it that you wanted to talk to me about? You sounded like it could be a problem."

Sirius chuckled nervously. "Eh, yes. That bit about being life-changing caught your attention, did it? You know how I explained my - ah - situation to you, Sasha, and Severus?" he asked.

Harry nodded, not seeing where the conversation was leading.

"Well, I was thinking about explaining it to Lily, your mum, too. What do you think about that?"

To put it bluntly, Harry was dumbstruck. His stepfather wanted to tell his mother the truth. He had no idea what to say to that. Harry had no idea as to how Lily would react to Sirius's story. He did not know anything about what his father, James, had said or done when he left, only that his mother always cried when Sirius was out too late or drinking too much, not that the latter happened often.

"Harry?" Sirius asked with concern, resting his right hand on Harry's shoulder. "Are you okay with this?"

The bespectacled boy nodded silently and then spoke. "I don't really know if you should tell her."

Sirius raised a single black eyebrow.

Harry looked at his hands, one of his nonconfrontational nervous habits. "I don't know how Mum would take it, you know. She's already real worried about you; I don't know why and she won't tell me."

"Lil's worried about me?"

He nodded seriously. "Yeah, when you don't come home on time, or you're out with Aunt Sasha or Dr. Snape, she's worried. She says she doesn't want anything to happen to you."

Sirius ran a hand down his face, pulling at his jaw. "I really wish she wouldn't."

Harry shrugged. "Well, now she doesn't have anything to worry about, right?"

Letting out a barking laugh, Sirius embraced his godson with one arm. "If it's all the same to you, I think I'm going to tell your mum the whole story. I talked it over with Severus and he made some really good points. We'll be one happy family and I don't think I should be keeping secrets like this."

"Do you really need to tell her?"

Sirius smiled at Harry, who was making puppy eyes at him. "Yeah, Harry, I think I do. It wouldn't be right not to tell her."

Harry sat back for a moment and watched the night sky, remembering all of the astronomy lessons his stepfather had recently given him. He liked to find the stars of the family; it made them seem closer than they really were. "Are you going to tell her tonight, then?"

"No, I don't think so," the wizard replied with another loud, dog-like laugh. "We have enough on our plates as it is. I don't need Lily thinking I was out drinking myself mad before I looked after the innocent teenagers." At this Harry smiled. "No, I'll wait for a while. Maybe I'll do it this weekend. I'll get the two of us alone and we can work it out together."

Harry silently agreed to his godfather's plan. He had learned long ago that when Sirius Black got an idea in his head, it was nigh near impossible to dislodge it. That was what made Sirius so intelligent yet so foolish. It was what won him Lily, but also what lost him James. And Harry knew better than to expect anything different.

They both stood and walked out of the park, toward their apartment building.