A Contradiction of Terms

Chapter 13: Voluntary Purgatory

Cav laughed long and loud at the fact that Kate had a date with Severus Snape. He just had to look at her, and he'd burst into a fit of giggles.

Kate tried, in vain, to keep the matter a secret. Her agreement had put Snape into an extraordinary good mood, and he cancelled his office hours for the evening. That, of course, led the students to wonder what had brought about this seemingly miraculous transformation, and a few of the really intelligent students managed to work out a plausible solution: He had a date.

Naturally, most of the student body couldn't believe that. Needless to say, by dinnertime the Great Hall buzzed with theories. Who in their right mind would want to date Professor Severus "Greasy Git" Snape? The really intelligent students, led by Hermione, decided to ask a reliable source for information. She went straight to Cavalier Jack.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," he smirked, flicking his tail.

"Please," Hermione asked.

"You'll think I'm lying."

"I won't, I promise. You've never lied to me before."

Cav reluctantly got up and whispered something into her ear.

"No!"

"Told you you wouldn't believe me."

"I just don't believe that she could do that. After what she said about Sirius-" Hermione was nearly in shock.

"Who said what about Sirius?" Kate asked suspiciously, walking up to her. Cavalier slunk away before she could see him.

"Is it true that you're having dinner with Professor Snape?"

Kate groaned.

"Does the whole school know?" she cried and fell against the wall.

"I don't think that they know you are the one," Hermione said, trying to be helpful.

"Be a doll and don't tell anyone."

"I won't."

"Thank you. Now, I have to go get ready."

-~-

Snape took her to Morgana's Kitchen, a somewhat new and rather posh restaurant in Hogsmeade. They had a wonderful chef, a wizard who had studied the culinary arts at the finest academies in France and Italy. Kate ate more than she should have, and with a fair bit of coaxing from Snape, ordered dessert. Over coffee they discussed classes, Kate's campaign, and other innocuous subjects.

And then Snape had to bring up the one topic that made Kate want to writhe in discomfort. She knew it was coming.

"I was just wondering, Katherine, if you are currently involved with anyone?" Severus asked, nervously toying with his napkin.

"Um, no, I'm not," she replied, then countered with a question she'd rather not say aloud. "Why do you ask?"

"Interesting. I just wanted to know if you would be at all interested in...pursuing...a relationship...with me."

Luckily, Kate was ready for such a question.

"You know what, Severus, I'm not sure I could handle a romantic relationship right now."

"I see," he murmured, clearly disappointed. His mouth hardened into his characteristic sneer.

"I'm still trying to adjust to Britain and Hogwarts, Severus. And if you would remember, I'm running for Minister of Magic. That's incredibly time-consuming. It wouldn't be fair to you, either. Besides, I would much rather be friends with you. I think we would have a much more fulfilling relationship if we were just friends."

Snape was silent for a few minutes. Kate sipped the last of her coffee and waited for a reaction.

"Very well," he sniffed, thankfully back to his normal, unpleasant self. "If you are quite finished, Katherine, we should be going."

She was incredibly grateful that the Powers That Be chose not to allow him to further pursue the matter. They walked back to Hogwarts in amiable, if cool, silence.

-~-

Things only got worse the next day. Kate had taken out a subscription to the Daily Prophet after the incident at Christmas.

"I'm joining a convent," Kate seethed, throwing down a copy of the newspaper in front of Harry, Ron, and Hermione. She stalked away, presumably to her office.

"What d'you think got her all worked up?" Ron asked.

"It probably has something to do with this article," Harry stated. He picked up the paper and began to read.

KATE HANOVER-SWEETHEART OR SIREN?

By Ramona Prattle, Gossip Columnist

Today's column is totally devoted to the woman whose name is on everyone's lips: Katherine Hanover. For those of you who live under rocks, she is challenging Cornelius Fudge, our beloved Minister of Magic, and apparently is a woman who is sought after by men from every walk of life.

For starters, Miss Hanover was seen at the Three Broomsticks pub in Hogsmeade, which is near Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry, where she teaches. Before anyone starts wondering why she was at a pub on a school night, there is a very good explanation. My source reports that she was with a very handsome man, one Remus Lupin, and that they were engaged-in conversation only. Details of the tête-à-tête are sketchy at best, but what is certain is that Miss Kate fancies Lupin, but he rejected her advances. Here's a bit of juicy news: He fancies her as well, but seems to have "a rare condition," which certainly is a pity. No little Lupins.

Over the course of the chat, the name Sirius was dropped several times, and with the verification of a few patrons of the pub, it was revealed that Hanover spent an unusual amount of time in the company of one Sirius Black. Something shady is going on, because apparently, Lupin was there to try and convince Hanover to get together with Black. I suspect that if Kate Hanover wants to become Minister of Magic, she had better come clean about her dealings with escaped convicts.

*PLEASE NOTE: SIRIUS BLACK IS STILL AT LARGE. IF YOU SEE HIM, CONTACT THE MINISTRY AT ONCE*

As if this past record isn't enough, just last night she was seen having dinner at Morgana's Kitchen (in Hogsmeade), with a man identified as Severus Snape, the Potions Master at Hogwarts. Professor Snape is an eligible match for any young witch, if she can get past his sallow skin and yellow teeth. Rumor has it that he has amassed an indecent amount of money in his earlier years, which can easily help a girl overlook his shortcomings. He made an offer to Hanover, which she rejected with the often over-used line "I'd rather just be friends."

How long will Hanover's reign of terror last? Will she continue to devour the hearts of wizards and spit the remains out onto the fire? I wish I knew the answer. Beware, all you wizards out there. Kate Hanover's out to get you.

"Ouch," Ron whispered.

"I don't believe a word of it," Hermione said, looking down at her plate.

"I wonder if Snape read it," Harry mused. They looked up at the High Table, where the Potions Master sat, scowling down the length of the hall. A copy of the Daily Prophet sat in front of his plate.

"I think he did," Ron answered. Hermione was all ready standing.

"Let's go see if Kate's all right."

Hermione led the two boys up to Kate's room. The door was open, and sunlight poured in through the window. A few papers ruffled in the slight breeze, but they were kept in place by a small rock. The room itself was on the small size, and most of the space was taken up with a massive four poster bed. It was covered with a white down comforter, a large, long-furred cat, and Kate.

She stared up at the ceiling, with her feet on the pillows and hands behind her head. She didn't look up when they entered. In fact, she wasn't responding to anything. Harry waved his hand over her eyes and she didn't blink.

"Is she dead?" Ron asked, quite uncertain.

"No, she's not, smart-ass," Cav said sleepily. "She's meditating. She was really upset at that article. If you ask me, this Ramona Prattle is just a nosy old bat with too much time on her hands." The cat stretched luxuriously, from the tip of his tail to the needle-sharp points of his claws. He turned the simple act into an art form.

"Looks like the Daily Prophet found someone to replace Rita Skeeter." Hermione's lip curled in disgust.

"Why are they picking on Kate, though?" Harry wondered.

"You really are naive, aren't you? The media has always had fun tearing politicians to shreds, finding out dirty little secrets and spreading them all over. Look at the American Muggles. There hasn't been one political leader who's escaped it. They especially like the-uh-sex lives of their victims."

All three students shuddered. Cavalier grinned.

"She brought it on herself. She chose to run, and she chose to go out in public with Remus and Snape. She's almost asking for it."

"I am not." Kate was awake, but she didn't move. Her gaze was fixed on the ceiling. "But I guess you're right, Cav. I've got to be more careful."

"We've all been telling you that from the get go, Kate," Cav chided. "You won't listen."

"If you're not careful, Long-hair, I'm gonna kick you out."

"Kate, how much of that article is true?" Harry asked. Kate turned her head to look at him.

"Most of it," she replied. "I went to dinner with Remus. He told me, not in as many words, that he's attracted to me, and I realized that the feeling's mutual."

"But what about Sirius?" Shock was evident in Hermione's voice.

"I'm getting to that. Remus had come to ask me reconcile with Sirius, get everything out in the open, so to speak. I told him I would. I asked him how that would affect our friendship, and we got into a huge argument about it.

"And then, I went and talked with Dumbledore about the whole kit 'n caboodle. As I was leaving, I literally ran into Snape, and I was too preoccupied to realize that I agreed to go to dinner with him. So we did, and he asked me out, and I refused him politely. End of story. I'm not a man-eater and I'm not out to seduce the entire male population of Wizarding Britain." She went back to staring at the ceiling.

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Harry sat down on the side of the bed and began to scratch Cavalier behind the ears.

"Ohh, that feels good," the cat sighed. "A little lower, please. Harder. Oh, too hard, too hard! Ahh." A low, deep rumble filled the room as he began to purr.

"I don't think so, guys. Just ignore anything you hear from other students. Don't worry about me too much. Hopefully this will blow over soon."

"What are you going to do until then?" Ron inquired.

"Avoid men," she said wryly. "Especially Snape. Try to be a model witch. Put on clean underwear every day. Get my hair cut every six months. Brush my teeth. That sort of thing. There's really not much I can do, otherwise."

"Well, if you think of anything, let us know," Hermione offered.

"Thanks for coming by. I'll see you in class."

The three students said good-bye and filed out of the room, leaving the usually graceful Cavalier Jack to fall off the bed.

-~-

The next Quidditch match took place in the middle of February, and was Slytherin versus Ravenclaw. Kate was in the stands with the rest of the professors and visiting parents. A few representatives from the Daily Prophet were there, as time was getting near the election date of June 15th, and they wanted to document Kate's activities. She avoided them as much as she could.

Despite the new brooms on the Ravenclaw team, they were soundly beaten, 210 to 40. Kate was inclined to believe that Draco relied as much on luck as on skill, if not more. Cho had a much better technique. She made a mental note to offer a few tips to Draco, if he wanted them. At least offer a few names of professional Seekers he could contact.

As she was leaving the stands, a cane topped with a silver serpent stopped her.

"Lucius."

"Hello, Katherine. Might I have a word with you?"

Kate followed him into a corner. He was taller than her by a head, and cut an imposing figure. She wanted to take her knife and chop off all of his hair.

"What is it, Lucius? It's cold out here, and I'm hungry."

"I have an offer to make. How much would it take for you to give up this foolish fantasy? You'll never be Minister, Hanover. It's best that you realize this now and withdraw your challenge."

"Are you trying to bribe me?"

"That's a rather plebian description of it, but then again, considering your background, I'm not surprised."

"Let's put aside the fact that you've insulted me twice. What if I don't?"

"Then your life will get very, very interesting."

"How so?" she smirked, treating this serious matter as if it were a game.

"You might find a few uncomfortable ailments suddenly crop up, or a sudden change in luck."

"First you insult me and my family, and then you threaten me. You have nothing else to say to me that would possibly make me want to listen to you. Leave me alone."

She pushed past the older Malfoy and out into the cold sunlight. If she had looked to one side, hidden by a banner, she would have seen Draco, who had heard everything.

-~-

Chapter 14: Winky Returns

A few days later, early one morning, Kate was jolted awake by 16 sharp claws digging into her back and several whiskers tickling her neck.

"Kate!" Cavalier hissed. "Kate, wake up!"

"Mmph. Wha time is it?" she asked, one eye half open.

"Nearly 6."

"Cavalier Constitution Jack, why in Merlin's name did you wake me up this early? And on a Sunday, too!"

"I want to show you something," he prodded. The cat clamped his teeth firmly on the hem of the comforter and tried to pull it off of her.

"Go away!"

"No!" Cav's voice was muffled by the linen, and he continued to yank on the blanket. Kate wrenched it away from him, ripping the edge a little.

Undaunted, the cat began to burrow under the covers. A few seconds later, Kate leapt out of bed.

"Yow!" she cried. "Your nose is like ice!"

"Yes. But come on, pull on a robe and come with me!"

Cavalier led Kate, who was still half asleep, through the twists and turns of the castle. Soon they were at the painting that marked the entrance to the school kitchens.

"If you're trying to show me where all the house-elves are, Cav, I've known since my first year here."

"I'm not. Well, not totally."

Kate tickled the pear and the portrait opened. The smell of Sunday brunch hit them, and Kate's mouth began to water.

"Mmm, bacon."

"That's not what we're here for, Kate! Follow me."

Kate's eyelids felt like they were made of stone. The smell of food cooking was making her hungry, and the stares from the house-elves were unnerving. Spying a chair by the fire, she sank into it and let the warmth wash over her. Cav jumped up and lounged on back of the chair, looking quite smug.

A fleet of house elves came, asking if they could bring her anything. A young girl elf, named Minty, came with a large tray. On it was a cup of strong coffee and a plate of scrambled eggs, toast, bacon, and cantaloupe.

"Thank you, Minty."

"Us house elves like to serve, Miss Hanover," Minty said, her large violet eyes shining in the firelight.

"I know."

The little house elf went back to her task, leaving Kate to enjoy her breakfast.

As she popped the last bite of toast into her mouth, Kate heard a slightly muffled sob. She looked around, but didn't see anything.

"Minty?" The little house elf appeared almost instantly at her elbow.

"Yes, Miss Hanover?"

"Are all of the school elves working right now?"

"Yes, Miss Hanover."

"I heard someone crying. Are you sure everyone's working?"

Minty was reluctant to answer. She fiddled with the frayed edge of her tea towel toga.

"Minty!"

"That's Winky. She's not happy."

"Where is she?"

A loud, heart-broken wail answered Kate's question. Minty looked to the far side of the hearth, where a miserable house elf sat in a crumpled heap.

"Thank you, Minty."

Kate got up to investigate. She kicked a few empty bottles aside and sat down next to Winky. Cav just looked on, nibbling on a sausage.

"Hi Winky."

The house elf sniffed, then blew her nose on a dingy rag.

"What's wrong?"

"Winky disgraced her master and-and he freed her!" Winky threw herself on Kate's knees, sobbing.

"No!"

"Yes! Headmaster Dumbledore was very kind, and he offered to pay Winky, but she can't do that! Winky still has some dignity!"

"Of course you do! You'd have more if you had clean clothes."

"Winky doesn't want clean clothes."

"What do you want?"

"To be with my family again! To be serving my master."

"Well, I don't think that's quite possible, Winky. Would you like to work for another family?"

"Could Miss Hanover do that for Winky?" She looked up at Kate with hope and admiration in her brown eyes.

"I'll see what I can do. But they wouldn't want to take you if your clothes are this dirty."

Winky looked down at her grimy, butterbeer stained shirt and soot covered skirt.

"What does Winky have to do?" she asked.

"Come with me," Kate said, pulling Winky to her feet.

"I trust you can find your way back, Cav."

Kate headed back up to her room, the house elf in tow. All the other house elves stopped what they were doing to watch them leave.

When they got to her room, Winky stood in the middle, uncertain of what she should do. Kate started rummaging around in her trunk, eventually finding a sheet and her Bowie knife. She cut a rough rectangle from the sheet and tossed it to Winky.

"Here's what I want you to do. Go into the bathroom, undress, and wash. I'm going to write to my friends to see if they'll take you."

"What if Miss Hanover's friends don't want Winky?"

"Then I'll send you to my mother. She's always wanted a house elf."

"Miss Hanover's too good to Winky." She looked like she was about to cry.

"Don't worry about it. Go wash up."

-~-

The owl was just fluttering out the window when Winky came out of the bathroom, clad in the sheet.

"I just sent the letter. We should know soon. Meanwhile, you can help me out a little. Cav tore my covers this morning, can you fix it?"

Kate showed the tear to Winky. She touched it, and the coverlet was mended.

"Good as new."

"Thank you, Winky."

"Winky is doing her job, Miss Hanover. Winky is very thankful for her."

"Aww, I've gone all mushy."

"And she's gross when she's mushy." Cavalier Jack swept into the room, his long brown coat glossy and neat.

"I see you suckered one of them into brushing you."

"It wasn't too hard, really. They offered."

Kate made Winky sit on her bed while they waited for the owl to return. She taught Winky how to play rummy, and they whiled away the hours in that fashion, until an owl swooped in and dropped a letter in her lap. Winky wrung her hands as Kate ripped open the envelope and scanned the letter.

"They'll take you, Winky. You're to go to the Burrow, in Ottery St. Catchpole. Your family's name is Weasely. They'll take good care of you there, and you'll have lots of work to do."

She gave the letter to Winky, who clutched it to her heart. Tears welled in her eyes.

"How can Winky ever thank you, Miss Hanover?"

"Winky can go to Mrs. Weasely, work hard, and obey her new masters. That's all the thanks Miss Hanover needs."

Winky nodded. She snapped her fingers and disappeared.

Part Two-Cav and Crookshanks and Mrs. Norris, O My!

A few weeks later, Cavalier Jack found his way into the Gryffindor Common room and up to the girls' dormitory.

"Hello, Hermione," he purred, jumping onto the bed. "Where is dear old Crookshanks? We're due for a prowl tonight."

"A prowl? Please don't get my cat in trouble, Cavalier."

"Now why, Hermione dear, would you think that I would get dear old Crookshanks in trouble?" Cav tried to look affronted, but only managed mildly indignant.

"Because that's what you're good at," Hermione replied, totally preoccupied with the dozens of scraps of parchment spread out on her bed.

"What's all this?"

"Homework, notes. Nothing you'd be interested in."

"Society for the Promotion of Elvish Welfare? Hermione, you're not doing what I think you're doing, right?"

"And what are you thinking?"

"It won't work. House elves like what they do."

"How do you know?"

"I've actually talked with them. Some are rather lucid."

"Cavalier, they're conditioned to like it!"

"By whom?"

Hermione was momentarily at a loss for an answer.

"By their parents, I suppose." Cavalier tried a different tack.

"Are house-elves intelligent, Hermione?"

"I believe so."

"And, as intelligent beings, they are capable of making their own decisions?"

"Yes."

"Are they aware of this so called slavery?" he asked, reading the pamphlet.

"It is slavery!" Hermione exclaimed. Cav looked up at her, nonverbally asking for clarification. "They work and work and work for table scraps! We give them no compensation whatsoever, and they expect to be struck if they do something wrong!"

"Are the house elves here mistreated, Hermione?"

"No," was her grudging reply. "But they are elsewhere."

"So are children, but you're not out crusading for them now, are you?"

"You're not going to get anywhere with her, old chum," Crookshanks said as he waltzed into the room, dusting the baseboard with his tail. "Her friends have been trying to talk her out of this for two years now."

"There's Crookshanks now, Cavalier," Hermione said, a slight frown between her eyebrows. She was concerned about what Cavalier had said about the children.

"Thank you. One thing, Hermione: worry about your classes while in school. Worthy causes can wait until you're through."

The two cats sped out of the room before Hermione could respond.

"She's been doing that for two years?"

"Yes."

"I'm surprised Harry and Ron haven't swatted her."

The two didn't get far before the razor-sharp voice of Mrs. Norris nearly sliced through their eardrums.

"What is dear old Crookshanks doing outside Griffindor Tower with this idiot?"

"Hello, Imogene," Cav said, sweeping the floor with his tail before sitting down. "How's Filch treating you?"

"Do you know her?" Crookshanks asked, before berating himself for such a stupid question.

"How do you think I got this scar? Mrs. Norris has a bit of a temper."

"I asked you a question. Pets aren't supposed to be out after hours either."

"Then shouldn't you be inside Filchy's office? I believe you are also considered a pet."

"I'm a member of the staff," she said haughtily.

"If by being the pet of a staff member makes you one, then so am I. In case you've forgotten, Kate is teaching a class here now. No fair having double standards, Midge."

"It's a woman's prerogative," she sniffed. "At least I'm not some bloody Yank who feels the need to shorten the names of everyone he meets."

"Now see here!" Crookshanks huffed. "I consider it an honour to be given a nickname by the famous Cavalier Jack!"

"Oh, so he's the famous Cavalier Jack now, is he? Forgive me if I don't bow and scrape. Arthritis, you know."

"You should show the proper respect!"

"Crookshanks, stop. She's always been like this. Old and cranky. No sense of humour whatsoever."

The orange tom laughed while Mrs. Norris glowered at Cav. He smirked back.

"Cheap shots are no way to win a war of wits, Cavalier."

"Maybe not, but they're fun."

"It shows your limited intelligence."

"Does it? Tell me, then, Midge," he said, all humour gone from his voice, and if anything, sounding very dangerous, "How many great works of literature have you read, Muggle or otherwise? How many philosophical discussions have you engaged in? How often have you been to the theatre or ballet? I've found that a keen observation of human-and animal-folly gives me enough intelligence to call 'em as I see 'em. You've always had a wad of parchment up your ass. As for my immature, cheap shots, I've also found that 'Simple pleasures'-meaning so-called cheap shots-'are the last refuge of the complex', to quote Oscar Wilde. I have many faults, Mrs. Norris, but I hope none of them are of understanding."

"You think you're really something, don't you?" Mrs. Norris wasn't impressed with his speech. Crookshanks, on the other hand, was.

"I say!" he cried. "Do you know who you're talking to?"

"Yeah, the fat louse who has a dirty mind and equally fetid mouth! Did he ever tell you how he got that little badge of dishonour? One night, about 20 years ago, he was running around, pissed out of his skull, and he got fresh with me."

"From what I understand, that's not unique to him." Cavalier glared at Crookshanks, as did Mrs. Norris. The ginger tom shrank back.

"As I was saying," Mrs. Norris snapped, "He made some very lewd and disgusting suggestions, which I tried to ignore, but one can only take so much-"

"And so she clawed my eye out. Would've gotten the other one too, if Sir Nick hadn't intervened. Like I said, she's got a bit of a temper."

"It was self defence."

"No, you were in a bad mood and wanted a scapegoat."

"I don't know why I'm even talking to you. You're two of the most idiotic cats in this castle, if not the world. I'm not wasting my time any longer."

Cavalier Jack grinned as Mrs. Norris stalked away.

"Get ready to run," he whispered to Crookshanks. Then, when she was a decent distance away, he called out: "Hey, Midge! Nice tail."

Mrs. Norris stopped dead, whirled around and ran straight for the other two cats, who all ready had a good head start. All three tore around the castle, up and down staircases, through secret passages, around corners. Cavalier gave the Pink Lady the password, panting out the short phrase.

Once inside Gryffindor Tower, Cav and Crookshanks dissolved into large lumps of fur and laughter, relieved to have escaped Mrs. Norris' claws.

"Let's not tell anyone about this," Crookshanks said. "I don't think I could live it down."

Cavalier Jack just laughed.