Becoming

Author's Note: First thanks go to Angel, my beta for this chapter. Second thanks go to Laurel for asking for this story, I know this wasn't exactly what she asked for, but her quote of inspiration led to this, so I hope she likes it. This makes it sound like the end of the story, but I swear it isn't.

Chapter 13 March 19th, 2000

Weddings were supposed to be happy occasions, right? Sure there were tears, but they were usually tears of joy not heartbreak. So, then why was I standing in one of the numerous new bedrooms of the Weasley home -a place I no longer recognized or felt comfortable calling 'the Burrow'- staring at an angry looking man who was supposed to become my brother in just under an hour? And furthermore, why was I miserable?

The color of Ron's face and hair blended together, and the fiery red seemed to emanate heat like a sunburn; as if the waves of anger coming off the man were a palpable force, able to push me over before Ron ever took a step toward me. I was so thankful that Draco had finally listened to me and left the room. I was more worried for the blond than for myself. In the end, if Ron wanted to physically injure someone it would be Draco he went after first and I was afraid of what I'd have to do to protect him from that. More than anything I didn't want my slips in judgment to cause anyone else harm, but that was all I kept doing.

Ron was furious, no doubt debating whether or not to run and tell his sister what he'd found her groom up to and I could only imagine Gin's reaction were he to do so. Draco seemed torn and heartbroken; his interrupted words still stung my heart when I thought of how much I wanted him but couldn't have him. How could I be so careless? How could I injure so many people in one small act? Why was I trying to destroy my own life? The Weasleys were my family, their arms always open and loving, so how could I do this to them? How could I betray their daughter, Ron's sister, by kissing Draco on our wedding day? What the fuck was wrong with me?

Draco's cool gray gaze filled my mind, his longing, his love for me. Ginny's eyes never looked that way. Something about him standing there looking both bold and vulnerable had drawn me to him, his lips called to me the same way they had in the pub only days ago. I've never wanted to kiss anyone more than I wanted to press my lips to Draco's in that moment. The duty to my adopted family wasn't lost on me, and I knew full well that in a few moments they would be collecting me to walk down the aisle for a completely different kiss -but I leapt forward anyway.

I don't know what compelled me. Love? Maybe. Was it possible to love two completely different people? I certainly did love Ginny, but Draco filled me with a kind of contentedness I felt with no one else. Just being in the same room with him had calmed all my nerves from what I was about to do. In the same light, it made me feel like a dirty cheat and unworthy of the Weasleys' love. Why was I so willing to give it all up - my life, my family - all for Draco's perfect lips?

I remained silent; my mind reeling through the last few moments, as Ron nearly trembled with fury. "Are you leaving her for the ferret?" he asked at last, his tone more of a growl than normal.

"No," I answered simply. I couldn't do that, could I? In the back of my head I always suspected that it was an option, but never a rational one. Never one I could truly act upon. The Weasleys had always been there for me, walking out on their daughter was no way to repay them for over a decade of kindness and love.

"Then I forbid you from seeing Malfoy ever again," Ron hissed, his hands forming fists at his side.

I laughed. I hadn't meant to, but the noise just slipped from my throat unbidden. "You might be my brother, Ron, but you are not my keeper," I informed him sharply, though I knew he was right. If I saw Draco again I knew I wouldn't be able to hold myself back. Draco was like an addiction, I either had to quit him or continue to crave the feeling that only he could provide me with. Still, I resented anyone who thought they could control me; Ron of all people should know that about me.

"I will not stand for you having an affair," he snarled. "She's my little sister. I'll always pick her over you and I don't want to have to choose."

And there was the truth of it. I felt a pang of pity for Ron in that moment, knowing his words were one hundred percent true. The entire Weasley family thought that way, whether they were willing to admit it or not. I wasn't their blood and if I hurt Ginny I would be public enemy number one regardless of how much they thought of me, not that it should be any different. Their sense of loyalty and their family bond was one of the things I had always admired about the Weasley family, but the problem was, I didn't want to choose either. I wanted the sense of family I had with the ginger-headed Weasleys and the spark of fire in my gut I had with Draco as well. I knew I couldn't have both and it tore me apart. The Weasleys would never accept me back and they certainly wouldn't accept Draco, especially not if I left Ginny for him.

I didn't get a chance to respond though, because the door opened then and more Weasley men poured in. Bill, Percy, Charlie and George, all looking dapper in their pressed and matching tuxedos, flowed into the room like the red tide. "Alright, Harry? It looks like you've seen a ghost," George teased, clapping me on the shoulder.

"He's just got a bit of pre-wedding jitters," Bill observed. "I shook like a leaf on my wedding day."

I shared a glance with Ron, unobserved by the other men and he shot me a curt nod -one that clearly said 'this isn't over, but I'll drop it for now'. I was relieved by his hesitance to cause a scene; it was the last thing I wanted at the moment.

With a jolly whoop, the Weasley men escorted me from the room. I felt as if I were in the middle of a Quidditch celebration and that at any moment I would be hoisted above everyone's heads and lifted out to the altar that way. I tried to smile, tried to feel happy, but the entire trek out to the glass enclosed ceremony space just made me feel horrid and empty. I knew I shouldn't. I was about to marry a sweet and lovely woman, one of my best friends even. I should be happier than anyone there.

I had to make the journey down the aisle alone because the other men had to wait to escort Ginny's bridesmaids down after me. It felt like my final walk into the Forbidden Forest to face off with Voldemort, only I didn't have figments of my own family to accompany me this time. I tried not to notice the already full congregation as I walked until eventually coming to the altar, where I stood alone, staring at the ground. Everyone was watching me and I could feel myself go red with embarrassment. I hated attention, and there must have been nearly three hundred guests watching my every move since there was only the minister and I standing there for them to gawk at. My eyes flicked back to the stranger who would be conducting the ceremony and he smiled warmly and reassuringly but it didn't make me feel better. I still felt horrible for rejecting Draco and for cheating on Ginny again. I didn't deserve either of them.

When the music started I felt my whole body tense. Percy and Parvati filed out first, both of them shooting me winning grins before taking their place in the line of bridesmaids and groomsmen. The first couple was immediately followed by Bill and Fleur, then Charlie and Luna and finally Ron and Hermione, the latter shooting me a sad smile before standing directly across from me while we waited for Ginny's entrance. I'd never seen Hermione look so flustered or Ron look so determined as he silently took his place at my side.

Standing there waiting, my mind began to wander. It was easy to imagine what my life would be like with Ginny. We'd have a quiet companionship, reading the paper together every Sunday while the children played in the yard. We'd have relaxing nights by the fire and passionate arguments when we disagreed. Things would be calm and happy and most importantly -normal. I craved that normal family, that normal life more than ever and I knew I could have that with Ginny. I had no idea what my life would hold if I had chosen Draco instead.

I swallowed thickly as the music shifted and I looked up to see Ginny standing at the other end of the aisle looking every bit the fairytale princess, only I felt more like a toad than her knight in shining armor. Maybe this really would change everything though. Maybe we'd recite our vows and share a kiss and live happily ever after just like in the bedtime stories my mother never got to read to me. My fiancée really was pretty, although she looked terribly nervous on her father's arm as she glided closer to where I stood. It made me more confident to know that I wasn't the only one worried about the step we were about to take. Perhaps I had been right before in thinking that Draco was a test, or a mere distraction to what my goals should be. The fact that the children I saw myself reading to sleep in my imagination had blond hair and gray eyes meant nothing.

I loved Ginny. She was my best friend, she was beautiful and kind, I was just being selfish and greedy by wanting something more than that. She smiled at me and I took her trembling hands into my own when she arrived at the altar, parting her from Arthur, who winked at me and took his own seat. Bile rose in my throat as I thought of the man who was as good as a father to me, finding out what I'd just been doing behind his daughters back, but I suppressed it and tried to concentrate on Ginny. I was doing the right thing.

"We are gathered here today to witness the joining of twin souls," the minister began, his voice magically amplified to reach across the vast hall so that even the guests in the furthest seats could hear him properly. I wanted to groan aloud at the choice of words. I didn't believe in soul mates, I didn't think there was someone out there who was meant to be mine and mine alone.

Ginny looked up at me, her eyes curious and wide. I must have done something to betray my feelings, so I quickly smiled, trying to reassure her that everything was fine. The minister was still droning on about love and commitment and my heart was starting to race, knowing what would come next. I felt as though it was so loud that all our guests could hear it, but no one seemed to be looking at me oddly, or whispering about it so I assumed it was all in my head.

"Harry James Potter, do you take this woman, Ginevra Molly Weasley, to have and to hold, to love and to cherish until death do you part?" the minister asked, startling me out of my reverie and waiting patiently for my answer.

"I do," I choked out. My tongue felt swollen and huge within my mouth, as if it might not fit when I tried to shut it again.

"Do you promise to honor her, protect her and remain faithful to her for the rest of your days?" he continued easily with the vows.

Ron made a coughing noise behind me that I didn't appreciate even a little, but Ginny seemed partially amused. Apparently she thought her brother was confirming the incident that had caused a scandal months ago. It dawned on me then that Draco's path and mine had been intimately twined for ages. Aside from Hagrid, he was the first wizard I had ever spoken to and even though I had detested him at once, I still felt an inexplicable connection between us, as if I knew our lives would remain bonded even then. Could I stay away from him? Would fate even let me?

"Mr. Potter?" the minister prompted and I remembered that I was supposed to answer.

"Oh, yes. I do," I replied at last, blushing furiously as I did.

The guests chuckled but Ginny narrowed her eyes slightly, not in anger but what instead looked like fear. Could she hear my thoughts? Could she tell that it was Draco I kept drifting back to even while she stood in front of me in a pristine white gown?

The Minister repeated the vows to Ginny, who answered without an ounce of hesitation, only making me feel worse about my own reluctance. My palms began to sweat as Ron reached around and handed me a small red velvet box and Hermione did the same for Ginny. I cracked the box open and stared blindly at the contents inside. Ginny had chosen simple rings because that was what I asked for, but I hadn't seen them until this very moment. A silver band with no adornments sat inside the box, taunting me with memories of another time and place.

"Are you proposing? Because if you are, I'm going to have to decline." My own words flooded back to me from that desolate battlefield, the place I had first come to terms with the fact that Draco might not be all bad after all. He'd countered my teasing with a heartfelt promise to be there for me no matter what. But it was all part of the life debt, it was all part of his need to be released from it. Wasn't it?

Maybe it had been then, but it was certainly something more now. My affection for Draco nearly ate me alive as I stood there staring down at the ring in the tiny velvet box -a ring so similar to the one he himself had placed upon my finger months ago. Looking at my own hand I could almost see it still there, a symbol of his love for me. I couldn't do this, I didn't want to betray the love and trust of the Weasleys, but I couldn't betray Draco this way. I loved him more than life itself and he deserved to know that, even if he rejected me for the mess I had put him through over the last year. I needed him to know that he was the one for me, and in that moment I knew for certain that he was. Perhaps I had a soul mate after all.

My breathing was ragged and I was so absorbed in how I was going to get away and into Draco's arms that I hadn't noticed Ginny reaching for my hand until she caught it in her tiny grasp. I pulled away as if burned and winced at the look of shock and dismay on her face. "I'm sorry," I whispered for her alone. "I'm sorry but I can't do this."

"What?" she rasped quietly and I could see her heart breaking right in front of me. Her face fell and her entire posture betrayed her instant grief and confusion.

"This wouldn't be right. You deserve better than me, Gin," I told her honestly.

"Oh, thank Merlin," Hermione sighed behind Ginny, causing the girl to turn her confused rage onto her Matron of Honor.

"What the hell is going on?" Ginny demanded, but my concentration had been diverted to Ron, who gripped my arm tightly.

"Don't do this, Harry. Don't ruin everything because of him," he hissed in my ear, but Ginny heard his words of caution.

"Him?" she asked. "What does he mean, Harry?"

"Draco," I replied firmly. "I love him."

Ginny started shaking her head slowly, I wasn't even sure she could hear me anymore. It seemed as though my words had driven her mad. Tears ran haphazardly down her cheeks and I reached out to comfort her, but she pulled away from me. "Are you really doing this, Harry? Are you really leaving me for Malfoy on our wedding day?"

I sighed and shook my head. "I'm leaving because it's wrong to marry you when I'm in love with someone else."

"And you couldn't have decided this an hour ago?" she shrieked while the hundreds of guests looked on in rapt fascination. I knew this would be all over the front page of every newspaper before I was even allowed to flee.

"The timing is poor-" I began, but she cut me off with a harsh laugh.

"Poor? Poor?! Your timing is evil Harry James Potter. You're evil!" she shouted, and I was suddenly grateful that Ginny didn't have her wand hidden away in that gown somewhere.

"Gin," I began to protest, but she smacked me sharply across the face. I deserved it, no doubt, but the sting of her hand was far better than the sting of losing Draco.

"I don't want to see your face or hear your voice ever again. Leave before I do something I might regret," she whispered, her rage boiling over into a simmering hatred.

I shot her one last apologetic look before making the long walk back down the aisle, fully aware of the daggers being laughed into my back as I passed. My reluctance to admit to myself how I felt about Draco had ruined everything, Ginny's wedding day, my relationship with Ron and the rest of the Weasleys. My entire life was crumbling at my feet and all I could worry about was whether or not Draco would hate me as well. If my reluctance had ruined things with him too I didn't know what I would do.

A warm friendly arm enveloped my waist and I flinched momentarily before looking over at Hermione's tight smile. "You're such a drama queen," she chastised mockingly. "I should have known from the start that you were gay."

"I am not a drama queen," I snapped, though I held no anger in my words, only frustration at my own behavior.

"Oh? What about that duel with Malfoy in second year, or the countless games of Quidditch where you simply had to show off those keen seeker skills to beat the other team to the snitch? You could never just swipe it from the air, instead you had to balance on the broom and catch it with your mouth," she recalled.

I laughed, a true laugh, before my frustration returned and I sighed deeply into Hermione's grip. "I miss how easy things were back then."

She raised an eyebrow in teasing and shook her head. "Only Harry Potter could continue to make things difficult for himself long after the dark wizard that haunted his childhood is dead and gone."

"Ron's never going to forgive me," I muttered darkly, thinking of all the days we'd spent together over the past decade. I was going to miss his friendship so much.

"The fact that you're more concerned about Ron than Ginny speaks volumes, Harry," she commented.

"I'm worried about Ginny, but I already know for certain that she'll never forgive me, nor should she for that matter" I groaned. "Ron's my best friend. I don't know what I'd do if he refused to speak to me ever again."

"I'd like to say that he'll come around, but you know Ron. It might take time. You forgave him for all the rubbish he put us through in school though, so I think one day he'll forgive you for this," she offered, trying to cheer me.

"How about Draco?" I asked, not really expecting her to answer. "What am I doing? I've been enemies with him longer then we've been friends. I think I love him, but I don't know what to do."

"You mean... anatomy wise?" she asked softly and I nearly laughed out loud.

"No, that's not what I meant, but fuck, I don't know what to do there either," I groaned. "What if he doesn't want me? What if I was just making too big a deal out of it? Maybe I made the wrong choice. Maybe I should have just stayed with Ginny so that at least someone would be happy."

"Stop being ridiculous," Hermione demanded impatiently. "Stop thinking about everyone else and consider yourself for just a second. What do you want, Harry?"

"Draco," I answered instantly. I felt no hesitation in that fact. The angelic blond Slytherin was all I ever thought about anymore.

"Then go get him," she ordered, pointing toward the door and my freedom -a freedom that had come at a gigantic cost.

Author's Note: So, I know some of you have already expressed reservations for if Harry left Ginny at the altar (and some of you just want Ginny out of the picture in any way possible) but I hope I took a normally cliche idea and made it work for our boys. Honestly I feel horrid for Ginny( I'll probably need to be nice to her in the rest of my stories to make up for the trauma I'm inflicting upon her in this one) but yay Harry for finally making up his mind!