Harry and Ron are in the Hills

CH.2-The Morning After

Summary: Major hangovers and more chaos.

A spotlight comes on. The curtains open and a chorus comes onstage. The music begins in the background, as they sing...

You get up every morning from your alarm clock's warning. Take the 8:15 into the city. There's a whistle up above. And people pushin', people shovin'. And the girls who try to look pretty.

And if your train's on time you can get to work by nine. And start your slaving job to get your pay. If you ever get annoyed, look at me, I'm self-employed. I love to work at nothing all day. And I'll be...

Taking care of business every day. Taking care of business every way.

I'll be taking care of business. It's all mine.

Taking care of business and working overtime. Work out!

An alarm woke Ron with a start. 6:30. Ugh. Far too early to get up. After hitting the snooze button a few times, he drifted back to sleep. "Ron. Ron wake up!" Hermione had woken sometime around seven, snuggled next to Ron, and was now shaking him because he needed to go to work. He had opened up his own Quidditch supplies shop last October. It was doing fairly well, but as owner and manager, he always needed to be on- call.

"What mum?" he asked groggily.

Having much experience with Ron's sleepiness, Hermione decided to play along. She whispered quietly, "Ron, dear. Your shorts are on fire. I just thought you ought to know. But go back to sleep if you want to, dear."

This jolted Ron to reality. "What!? My manhood gone up in flames!" he panicked. Looking downwards, and seeing that nothing was wrong, he turned to Hermione and said, "You really are wicked, you know that?"

She grinned. "Oh, I know. But I also know you love me for it."

Ron nodded in agreement and placed a kiss on Hermione's nose. He got up out of bed and went to take a shower when he saw two figures sleeping in the bath. "Hermione!" he called.

"Yes."

"Come, quick. Oliver and Cho are sleeping in the bathtub!" he said.

"What?" Hermione came to see what all the fuss was about and let out a small squeal. "Oh this, can't be good."

Ron went to search for Harry while Hermione tried to rouse the two hung-over persons.

"Cho? Oliver? It's me...Hermione. Can you hear me?"

Oliver stirred, and Cho's eyes opened mistily. "What happened, Hermione?" She looked around her. "Where are we?" She was looking at Oliver, who was still sleeping. "I thought you said we were going to the moon, honey? Are we there yet?"

Just as Hermione was looking hopelessly for help, Ron and Harry came bursting into the room. Suddenly, Oliver woke up as if still in a dream. But his eyes woke him up as he saw everyone staring at his figure. "Oh, come now. I know you might never have seen quite a handsome bloke as me, but this is a bit ridiculous. "

"Oh, Oliver, get over yourself. Do you remember what happened here last night?" Harry asked.

"Um...no. But I remember a bit of singing on a table. I think that's when we landed in Japan."

A chorus of people stepped out, yet again, from behind a curtain.

"Oh, not you lot again," Hermione said.

"Who are they?" Harry asked.

"Just listen," she said.

The chorus began to sing.

I've got your picture, I've got your picture and I'd like a million of you over myself.

I asked the doctor to take your picture so I could look at you from inside as well.

You've got me turning up and turning down and turning in and turning 'round.

I'm turning Japanese. I think I'm turning Japanese. I really think so.

Turning Japanese. I think I'm turning Japanese. I really think so.

Then they were gone.

Oliver giggled. "That was actually quite fun."

Ron now interjected. " Oh, shut up, you lazy wanker."

"Hey!" Oliver blatantly objected to the use of that word being applied to him. Meanwhile, Ron edged closer to Oliver's neck with his hands outstretched.

Harry cut in before the row could get started. "Well, it's obvious that something happened here last night, though we were probably all too plastered to remember any of it. In any case, you need to be getting off to work, Ron. And the rest of us, I'm sure, will be needing to clean up."

And with that, he walked out into the sitting room. "Jesus H. Christ! What in the bloody hell happened here?"

Besides the food and drink, random people were also strewn about the place. Seamus was passed out on the couch. Fred and Angelina were holding onto two bottles of alcohol behind the bar. Neville was muttering something about fucking beans. George and Alicia ambled in from the fire escape. George was wearing Alicia's underwear, and Alicia had on George's shirt and a lampshade.

"Oh, god. I can't believe this. My own house is a mess and I can't even remember what happened." Harry looked almost about to cry.

"Fuck beans!" Neville interjected, before his head dropped off to the side.

Hermione, though startled by Neville's new and strange vocabulary, tried to cheer Harry up.

"Do you remember when all those people were being crucified in 'Monty Python's Life of Brian'?"

"Well of course, Hermione. It's only one of the most classic British movies!" He looked stunned that she actually thought he hadn't seen it.

"Harry. There's only one thing to do. Always look on the bright side of life. That's it."

Harry still looked puzzled. "Huh?"

For once, the chorus was welcome as Hermione called them all in. "Now sing," she said.

Again the music started.

Always look on the bright side of life. If life seems jolly rotten. There's something you've forgotten! And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing. When you're feeling in the dumps, don't be silly chumps. Just purse your lips and whistle- that's the thing! And always look on the bright side of life.

"Hey, maybe they have a point, Hermione." She nodded in agreement while the chorus continued.

Life's a piece of shit when you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true. You'll see it's all a show. Keep 'em laughing as you go. Just remember that the last laugh is on you! And always look on the bright side of life. (whistle) Always look on the bright side of life. (whistle)

It was then that Ron walked in. "What in blazes is going on now?" With that, the chorus disappeared. Hermione explained. "Damn authors," Ron exclaimed. "I'll only put up with this for you Harry. Only for you." He then shot a rather nasty look at Hermione.

By ten o'clock, everyone except Neville had all gone home. He had proved far too difficult to wake up, so Harry and Hermione left him alone. Fuck beans indeed, thought Hermione. Meanwhile, Ron had gone off to work, and Ginny, who had been asleep beside Dean, offered to help with the cleanup.