How to Save a Life

DeadlyDisease

Story Summary:
Ruled by a muggle's wants, this story takes place with our dear wizard and witch friends and foes. It twists romance and humor together like no other. Be prepared to face an explosion of laughs, shocked faces, steamy imagery, chickens, and many cliff hangers.

Chapter 01

Posted:
04/24/2008
Hits:
479


Rules:

  1. Draco/Ginny ship.

  2. Goyle must be secretly intelligent.

  3. Ron/Hermione ship.

  4. Harry is a pervert.

  5. Hufflepuff must win at Quidditch.

  6. Crabbe must become Quidditch Captain.

  7. Fic must take place during Harry's 6th year.

  8. Neville must be a great kisser.

  9. Ginny & Hermione's boobs must be plentiful & the boys everywhere must notice and talk about them.

  10. Snape must lust someone.

  11. A Vampire must go to the school.

  12. Ron, Hermione, and Harry must solve the Vampire Mystery.

  13. Chickens.

  14. Hagrid must get a new fantastic beast and he must show Harry.

  15. Two characters run into each other from around a corner and land in a sexual position.

  16. Ron must see someone naked.

  17. Sexy Results!

  18. Someone must have an eye patch for a period of time.

  19. Albus is gay/homosexuals.

  20. Hagrid must be jealous of Snape for some reason.

  21. Neville's potion must explode and since he screwed it up, sexy results will ensue.

  22. The fic must make a reference to "croissants" in every chapter.

  23. Neville's grandmother must have a secret.

  24. Draco must write letters to his dad.

  25. Harry must smell someone on purpose.

  26. Snape must speak Spanish pretty well.

  27. Luna must have Chap Stick.

  28. Aliens don't exist.

  29. McGonagall has a son/kitten.

  30. Desperate actions must be taken twice at least.

  31. Someone sees Neville's "buns" and likes it.

  32. Ron steals Hermione's underpants.

  33. Harry must dive bomb.

  34. Sexual innuendo concerning "brooms" must occur at some point.

  35. Someone must "create" or discover a spell that is cool and/or useful and/or funny.

  36. Pumpkins are sexual and are used as condoms.

  37. Draco must love pie.

Chapter 1

Effectuation

There was a slight breeze playing in the wind. A majestic blue sky hung overhead. Pillowy white clouds shifted slowly, dragging themselves across a bright sea. A grassy hill made a bed for a boy, whose pale complexion shown through his loose, milky white shirt. His pants were a dark color, seemingly black like the robes he used to comfort his head. He wore a pair of knee-high riding boots, a leathery black that shined as his pants did not. His eyes were closed at the moment; a smile had captured his lips. He was dreaming dreams and thinking things, peaceful in the outside air. Until a voice did come to call. He dismissed it yet it came again, louder and with much impatience. This time the boy did sit up, but a frown adorned his smooth face and his eyes had grown cold. Grey ice staring at a sea of green grass that danced rhythmically swishing hips until stepped upon by another's boots.

"Come along, Draco, you'll miss the school train," a father-like voice ordered, boredly impatient. Draco, grabbing his school garments from the floor, stood to meet his oppressor's gaze.

"That'll be the last time I hear you say that," he muttered nonchalantly, walking past the older man. He slipped an arm into the sleeve of one of the new Slytherin cloaks bought by his mother and was made to wear.

"Don't be ridiculous," Snape chastised his pupil, coming up behind him. "You've still one more year after this to attend, and I'll be damned if you miss but one day."

The two of them walked briskly towards the Manor. Narcissa Malfoy came out to meet them, bursting from mahogany doors and rushing upon them like an angry chicken.

"Draco, be sure to take this with you," she said, giving him a curt but elegant smile as she placed a small metal box into his hands. "For the train ride," she added when he looked at it questioningly.

"Come, come, we've no more time," Snape hissed, glaring at his cheap wrist watch as he grabbed Draco's arm.

"Goodbye Mother--"Draco only had time for those two words before he and his oppressor apperated into the 9 and 3/4s station.

Steam seethed from the train's sides, mystifying the 9 and 3/4s platforms with acrid smog. It fell upon the heads of friends who were bustling about to board the train. A mother said her goodbyes loudly as the locomotive sprang to life.

"Ron, do mind your manners and get your work done. Hermione, be a dear and look after him? Ginny, don't put your head out the window like that! Oh Harry, do be safe while you're away..." With distance came her shouts like whispers, no longer heard against the chugging engine. The friends laughed together in their compartment.

"I don't see why I need looking after," Ron grumbled, folding his arms in defiance to his missing mother.

"I find most of what she says is just silly," Ginny agreed, keeping her head beside the open window. Harry and Hermione exchanged smirks.

"Ginny, come with me," Hermione said, smiling sneakily. "Lets go get some fresh air."

Ginny frowned. "But I've gone and opened the--"

"FRESH. AIR," Hermione said again, emphasizing each word with a nudge to the younger red head.

"... Right."

The two girls excused themselves, exiting the compartment and leaving Harry and Ron behind.

"What was up with that?" Ron asked, staring at the closed door.

"Beats me," Harry shrugged, placing his arms on his knees and leaning forward. From beneath his seat he pulled out a trunk, all the while staring at Ron like a dirty old man.

"What?" Ron asked, giving him a confused/creeped out look.

Unlocking the trunk, Harry rummaged through clothing until his eyes widened; he'd found his prize. Raising his left fist into the air he almost yelled, "UNDERWEAR!" He looked crazily at Ron who looked back at him as if he'd just announced he had cancer. "And not just any underwear, but Hermione's underwear," he continued, throwing the garment into Ron's face. "Just take it," he said slyly, encouraging Ron into crime. Ron stared at the frilly pink heart sewn on the front of Hermione's undies, stroking the fabric with his thumb. Beads of sweat appeared above his red eyebrows. A smile twitched his lips.

"Done," he rushed, hurriedly stuffing the panties into his cloak pocket.

Harry smirked proudly. "That's muh boy."

Ron shot him a dirty look. "You're the one who stole it. Why'd you give it to me anyway?"

Harry let out a nasally sigh. "We both know you've got the hots for Hermione." He stared at their compartment's ceiling, a dreamy, spaced out look in his eyes as Ron's face camouflaged with his hair. "This is just the first step in getting the girl."

"What, stealing her underwear?"

"That's right."

Ron stared at Harry, a look of utter confusion capturing his features. Harry sighed again, though impatiently this time.

"And..." he continued. "The more panties you steal, the more to bribe her with when she discovers she's in need, not to mention the happier you'll be," Harry finished affirmatively, folding his arms across his chest with a big grin on his face. Ron, however, was not too sure.

"But what if--"

"TROLLEY, DEARS!"

Their compartment's door has snapped open and a cart of sweets and goodies was in view. Harry jumped, closing the trunk and hastily kicking it back under the seat. He then assumed the position of a student sleeping, his head leaning against the lower half of the open window, leaving Ron to gamble with the trolley lady.

Hermione yanked Ginny from their compartment, shutting the door once they were both out in the isle.

"What was up with that?!" Ginny growled, turning on the taller brunette.

Hermione gave her a weak smile. "I thought we could go and find Luna or Neville; see what they're up to."

Ginny glared at her dully, clearly uninterested.

Hermione sighed, her shoulders drooping. "What I really wanted to know was if you're still in love with Har--"Ginny's palm silenced her.

The momentum of nearly jumping on the older girl sent them both crashing into the compartment door across from the one they had just vacated.

"OOOhh..." Hermione moaned slightly, rubbing the back of her skull. Ginny looked up from where she was positioned, her own heave having just been between Hermione's breasts.

"Merlin, Hermione, what are you, an E cup?!" she gasped, having almost suffocated. "... Hermione?"

The two of them squirmed uncomfortably, one trying to get off the other while she was trying to move out from under.

"I've such a migraine," Hermione whispered, eyes still closed as she pressed her left arm gruffly against the pained area.

"Come on, then," Ginny coaxed, pulling the wounded girl up as she herself stood. "I'm sure there's an infirmary somewhere on this train." She placed Hermione's free arm over her shoulders and wrapped an arm around her waist, hardly making progress down the isle. "It's just a matter of finding the bloody thing..." she muttered.

Toying with the small metal box in his hands, Draco stared out his window. Crabbe and Goyle sat across from him, eyeing the treasure his hands fumbled. Eventually, Draco followed their gazes, snickering when it brought him to his box. Tantalizing, he opened it slowly, then shut it before the two could see the contents. Crabbe made a sort of whimper.

"What, you want to have a look?" Draco teased, feigning surprise. Crabbe nodded stupidly, his eyes wide like a fat bull frog. "And what of you?" He addressed Goyle this time, who nodded curtly. Losing interest, he lamely opened the box and flipped it so they could view the contents.

Goyle gasped. "Is that a croissant au beurre with a crisp chocolate-raspberry pie?!"

Draco stared suspiciously at Goyle, hiding his shock until the boy looked away. "Why yes. Yes it is," he said, raising his head princely-like. His eyes, however, lingered on Goyle who began to fidget with his school uniform tie.

"You've got quite the eye for pastries, haven't you Goyle?" Draco remarked, noticing how the boy couldn't keep his gaze for more than a few seconds at a time.

Rather suddenly, though, there was a loud bonk on their compartment's door. Goyle jerked to a stand, having not expected the noise. Draco stared at him a moment longer before turning his attentions to the door. "What the devil was that?"

A slight moan sounded through the door, arousing their trousers while Crabbe moved in on the delights in the box. Goyle remained frozen as Draco put an ear to the door.

"...an E cup!"

Having barely heard any part of the conversation and already Draco's mind was racing with graphic, steamy imagery of what was going on outside in the hallway. He pressed his ear harder against the door, eager to hear more.

"I'm sure there's an infirmary somewhere on this train..."

Draco's eyes almost popped out of their sockets. 'There was sexual activity going on, and someone got hurt?' he wondered, loosening his shirt collar's grip that had become uncomfortably tight during the few minutes past.

"You two stay here," he ordered, glancing over his shoulder briefly. What he saw, though, made him grotesquely sick. "CRABBE. What the fuck are you doing?!" he barked, pulling his wand out from an inner pocket of his cloak and pointing at the boy's face. A vein in his milky-skinned neck threatened to pop.

Crabbe choked on his throat, one eye staring at Draco while the other was on the pie in his fat, grubby hands. Draco, however, was not satisfied with the boy's theatrics.

"It goes back into the box," he growled, leviosa-ing the tarte away from Crabbe and delicately placing it into the metal canister himself. Again he pointed his wand at Crabbe, daring him to touch his possessions while he was looking away. His glare was venomous.

And with a turn of his foot, Draco vanished into the hallway.

Hermione and Ginny ambled slowly, Hermione still blindly crutching her head with her arm. Ginny steered them to the back end of the train, having minor run-ins with the wall. Alas, her foot snagged Hermione's school cloak and sent her doubling-over into the air. By chance, a large hand grabbed her from behind, firmly molded over her breast. Make that two hands over each breast. Ginny inhaled sharply, her own hands shooting to her chest. With Hermione fondling the wall for support, she was alone in her battle, prying finger after finger away from her breasts. The hands, however, would not be shaken to easily. Angrily, Ginny pitched a glare at her rescuer that attacked her so vilely. Upon seeing the face, her mouth fell open and she couldn't make words.

Harry Potter, with his almond-green eyes glinting through tousled spectacles, grinned at her cheekily, pumping his hands vigorously. She let out a small cry. With buckled legs she slid to the floor, onto her knees.

"Ginny?" Hermione asked, turning to face the wall. "Is something the matter?"

Harry reluctantly let go of his prey, coming up beside Hermione and taking her arm.

"It's me, Hermione," he said quietly, pulling her in front of Ginny. He was slightly short of breath, his pants daring to explode. "You and Ginny were taking so long, and the train's stopped. I came looking for you. Ron was worried." This last item of news he whispered, tickling her ear. A small pink hue lighted her cheeks as he led her down the isle, away from his latest victim. Ginny remained kneeling, slouching horribly as she stared at nothing. A cold wind brushed up beside her.

"... Looks like I missed all the action."

Ginny jumped, having been caught unaware of her surroundings. She turned cautiously, aiming her gaze at the tall blonde leaning against the train wall. She glared, recognition flowing through her mind.

Draco returned her steely stare with a frown, narrowing his gray-blue eyes. "You don't have to take his shit, you know," he remarked idly, shifting his attentions to his cleanly nails.

Ginny snapped. "Fuck off, Malfoy!" she barked angrily, wrapping her robes securely around her body.

Draco shrugged, acting bored. "I would, if only I had someone to fuck with..." While saying this, his eyes darted back to her face. A smile controlled his lips as Ginny showed surprise. Recovering, she quickly shot him a hateful look and stood, brushing off her tattered clothing.

"There's always Madam Hooch," she quipped, purposefully squinting at his crotch area. "She'll teach you to control your broom stick." She passed the boy, averting her eyes from his as she tromped off in a fit.

Draco watched her leave, feeling warmth vanish from the isle he stood in. Smiling against his cool fingers, he trailed after the girl, an ache in his chest.