The Embittering of Severus Snape

{If the words below are illegible, I would recommend putting this letter down within the next 15 seconds. I don't think you want to know why.

Black,

I'm fine. Stop writing about it, it doesn't fix anything. If you're imagining that I've spent the first half of my holiday crying over Severus, you've obviously confused me with one of my dorm mates. Remember Vanessa? She cried for two weeks over Kyle before you stepped in and 'cheered her up.' That lasted all of three days before she was crying a lot harder over you. HONESTLY! But I'd rather not write about that. Oh, and if you call my best mate a greasy git in your next letter, I'd advise you not to open my response.

Last week was very exciting. I never did make it down to the beach, but since that's all I did the week before, I didn't miss it so much. Aunt Rosa took me shopping for a new gown. Did I tell you about being formally presented in Italian society this summer? Well, I'm sixteen now. (Thank you for the earrings, by the way. I've never had my own pair, and I noticed at once that they change color based on what I'm wearing. Very clever, for a Gryffindor.) My birthday was just in time for the yearly ball. So in addition to studying up on charms to fix my hair and any number of other nauseatingly girlish things, I spent the week learning to apply makeup and wondering with whom I would dance. Do you realize that this was the first ball I'd ever been to where you didn't find a way to get me to dance with you? I kept glancing around, wondering if you'd show up.

The ball was Friday evening, at the Sicilian Magical Academy. Papa took me to see it when I got my Hogwarts letter to try and get me to attend there instead, so I knew my way around a little. Aunt Rosa said she wasn't feeling well, and didn't go along. I think she figures that since I'm writing you she doesn't have to worry about me so much. She's even agreed to let me tour some of the ruins with a Muggle tour guide. (That's next week!) The SMA is lovely. Their main ballroom (there are three) opens onto a monstrous balcony that overlooks the sea. It's got rain repellant charms, so it's as if there's an invisible roof - like the Great Hall.

I didn't have any trouble finding dance partners. It turned out that Aunt Rosa had received several owls about it before hand, and when I left she handed me a dance card that was nearly full! It was quite flattering, really. I was especially pleased when Antoine Lauriello put his name on my card again after we'd danced once already. His father owns a sizable wine press and acre after acre of vineyards, so I had every intention of being nice to him for Papa's sake. When we danced the second time he asked if he could kiss me and I told him no, but he did it anyway, so I put an engorgio charm on his lips and slapped him. He wasn't very pleased, and we didn't finish that dance. I was happy to sit down anyway.

I got to sit out the next few, since the wizards on my dance card all mysteriously disappeared for a while. That gave me time to scribble out a few equations and come up with a cushioning charm for the hideous shoes Aunt Rosa bought for me. I've never worn anything so uncomfortable! I'll be glad to get back to the Muggle "flip-flops" that she gave me for the beach. (Tomorrow at sunrise!) I just adore the water.

Thank you for the pictures you sent. You aren't, by any chance, missing a round, greasy looking piece with a funny little finger sticking out one side, are you? In the picture, it's rolling underneath a set of shelves. If you are missing something like that, that's probably where it got to. You've sent me four pictures now of yourself sitting in that pile of junk, and it doesn't look any closer to finished. Are you sure it will be a motorcycle when you're done? Or maybe you just want to send pictures so I don't forget what you look like? Don't worry. I've recognized you every other September, I'm sure I'll know which one you are when I get back.

Have you heard from Regalus at all since you left the manor? With him being two years younger than us, I never really got to know him. With any luck, Severus has already talked him out of taking the mark, but it wouldn't hurt if you talked to him, too. I often wish I'd been sorted into Slytherin. At least from there I'd be able to keep closer tabs on my friends. I worry about Macnair and Goyle and Rosier. Wilkes, I'd say, is probably too far entrenched to save. Sineath, who is a year behind Regalus, I think, could probably still be talked out of it, though. The fewer Slytherins that take the mark, the better Regalus' chances of avoiding it, I'd guess. I don't expect many of them will be speaking to me next term if Severus isn't. He's turned into quite the dictator in the dungeons. Macnair and Goyle will follow him about anywhere.

Well, it's getting late, and Lupso is waving my pajamas at me and harrumphing because I'm taking too long. Tomorrow afternoon I'm expected to go sailing with the Dornik family. I danced with their son, too. He was the brave one who danced with me after Lauriello. He was well behaved, though, and didn't give me any reason to hex him. I think his father was in school with Papa. Aunt Rosa couldn't remember. Regardless, I'd better get some sleep if I want to make the sunrise and still have enough energy to go sailing. Good luck with your bike. Here is a picture from the ball. (The git beside me is Lauriello, whose mother took the picture. I like how he keeps putting his arm around me and I keep elbowing him. That must have happened four different times that night!) Write me again soon!

Deesia}

"Malfoy is expecting me, Father. I don't think I should keep him waiting." Severus threw an apologetic look toward his mother, whose face was carefully impassive. This was the worst summer he could remember. Another letter had come, and with it Gypsy's incessant pecking. A letter arrived every Tuesday like clockwork, and everyone in the house knew they were from Muriel. Disappointed as his mother was that Muriel appeared to be interested in someone else, she didn't approve of Severus ignoring the girl.

Mr. Snape made a dismissive gesture with one hand, hardly looking up from his breakfast. What did he care if his fool son had managed to lose the only pureblood girl who was at all likely to marry him? He'd have to arrange his own marriage. He was far too old for another betrothal now.

Having been excused, Severus pocketed the letter, leaving his breakfast untouched, and made his way toward the fireplace. "Malfoy Tapestry Museum!" he exclaimed, stepping into the spurt of green flame. He stumbled on the grate as he exited the fireplace. Lucius and Narcissa were, thankfully, elsewhere in the house, which was unusual. The "Tapestry Museum" had been Lucius' idea - a room without portraits that wouldn't arouse too much suspicion. They'd spent half the summer traveling to China, India, and South Africa to gather the exotic tapestries that would provide the excuse for the existence of such a room. It was the only secure place in Malfoy Manor where they could discuss things honestly. Without much ado, he settled into the squishy armchair that he'd come to think of as 'his' and tore open Mur's latest letter.

{If the words below are illegible, I would recommend putting this letter down within the next 15 seconds. There is only one wand that can decode them.

Dear Severus,

I know you're reading this. If you weren't you would surely have written me by now to ask that I stop wasting our time on letters you don't read. (You see, Occlumency or not, I know you well.) Papa won't answer me as to what you've been up to so far this holiday, and I must say I'm a bit annoyed that you've managed to wrest his loyalty from me. I assume that means you're spending too much time with Malfoy. If that's the case, I hope you'll give Narci my best. Tell your mother I said hello as well.

I won't apologize for Gypsy. She's pecking you because I asked her to, and you deserve it. I could understand if you were angry that I was dating someone else, but you didn't care at all until you found out who it was, and that's extremely unkind of you. It's hardly realistic to expect me to choose who I date based upon your impressions of people rather than my own! I'm still trying hard not to be angry with you for making me cry in front of everyone. You know how I hate that.

On another topic, I had a letter from Macnair this week. He told me to stop inviting you to Italy or you might just show up. As if I would invite you and NOT intend for you to show up! Honestly, sometimes I think the boy is just as daft as Crabbe! I invited him to come swimming some weekend as well, but apparently he is too busy. I suppose that means I shall have no company at all, unless you'll visit. Not that I'm unhappy swimming alone. I do so love the sea.

My first ball was this year, and you missed it. Remember when you came for a week just before we started school? I was so upset that Aunt Rosa was going without me and you promised you'd take me when we were old enough? I didn't pester you about it because I was just sure you'd remember. But then, quite a few things have changed since then. I suppose I understand. Still, I missed you. Here we could have danced without your ridiculous goons teasing you for it later. Instead I got stuck dancing with a pompous, self-important wizard who tried to kiss me after only two dances! I'd never laid eyes on him before in my life! I hexed him, of course, but it would have been much more fun if you'd been there, too. I was so surprised that I'm afraid I didn't come up with anything very creative. That is the last time I let Aunt Rosa fill out my dance card ahead of time!

I went sailing yesterday (Saturday) with the Dornik family. Their son is a bit like Goyle. He knows a lot of great curses, but tends to be too thick to use them without prompting. Pleasant as anything, though, if you stroke his ego the right way. He tried to teach me to sail the Muggle way, but the work was a bit much for a puny little girl like me (yes, he phrased it that way, if you can believe it!). In the end I just lounged at the back of the boat in my new bathing suit and guided us with my wand, wind or no wind. Imagine his frustration when he was just SURE the wind would take us East, but we were traveling West. It was nearly half an hour before he figured out that I wasn't just sunbathing. I don't think he'll invite me sailing again, but that's all right. I'd much rather just be on the beach.

I hope you're looking after Macnair, Goyle, Rosier and Black. Merlin knows half that house would follow you to hell and back. Please don't do anything foolish just because you're angry with me. Sirius says you will, but I know better. We've worked too hard to keep our distance for you to give in now. Please reconsider and come to the Casa to visit. I'll be touring the ruins this week, but I'll look for you in the evenings when I get home.

Mur}

{Marisa,

I was surprised to receive your letter, but not very surprised at your questions. You waited to ask until I was gone for a good reason. Very sneaky for a Ravenclaw, but unfortunately I am used to such tactics. Hence the stinging hex! Serves you right. It'll stop hurting in a few minutes.

I'm not quite sure what you mean by "over him." If you mean, 'Have I stopped caring that he's ignoring me?' Then the answer is no. How could I not care? I've sent him four letters now, but he hasn't responded at all. If I can't get at least one letter out of him, I have no intention of trying to force a confrontation at King's Cross. That would only end badly. I'm hoping he'll come here so we can work things out privately instead.

But if you mean what I think you mean, 'Am I over the fact that he doesn't want me?' (You ought to have had the guts to just write it plainly, since I'm so far away and you're out of reach.) Well, I don't know the answer to that. It happened so slowly that I almost didn't notice that he wasn't interested anymore. It wasn't until I was confronted with Black's emotions that I even realized just how distant Sev had become. Of course, once I found out that he'd been learning Occlumency, I tried not to be hurt by it. I reasoned that it was the Occlumency that kept me from knowing how he felt, but surely his feelings hadn't changed. So I started looking for other indications, ANYTHING would have been enough. But there weren't any.

I spent the entirety of last June and half of July looking for any indication that he felt something more than friendship. There was nothing. Even when he took me to London that February, he didn't so much as try to kiss me. We danced and all, but that's only because he knows I enjoy it. So naturally when Black invited me, I accepted.

What was I expecting? Very little, to be honest. I thought it'd be a week- long fling and we could go back to hexing one another. But it didn't work out that way. There wasn't so much as a rumor all last year about him snogging anyone else, which really surprised me. (Vanessa would surely have heard about it if he had.) And I DON'T think of him as a replacement for Sev. No one could ever be that, not even the incorrigible Sirius Black.

And now for the answer you've been waiting breathlessly for all this time: Of course I love him. Are you daft? Why would I have spent all last year hanging out with the marauders if I didn't? Nothing less would have put me in Potter's company for more than 3 minutes.

I remember what he did to Vanessa (Three weeks of tears over one night? Please.), and I remember what he did to you. (Which, incidentally, wasn't his fault. The Hufflepuff girl surprised him, but I didn't find that out until after I'd already turned him into a duck.) And yes, I'm aware of the Hawthorne girl and what's-her-name who graduated last year, too. There are probably more. But he hasn't even hinted about it to me, though he thinks about it often enough. I think we have enough history that he figures I'd do more than just cry over something like that. (And I would, too!)

Now, I think I've answered all your intrusively personal questions - which is more than I intended to do when I sat down to pen a response. Without Sev to talk things over with, I've gotten rather lonely this summer. I hope you don't mind if I use you for my sounding board instead. I know: if you minded you wouldn't have asked in the first place. I've got to go. Black's letter arrived today as well, and I need to send him something back. Don't be too alarmed when this parchment catches fire. (I took your advice and ate at a cafe with a television - Inspector Gadget! This message will self- destruct in 10 seconds!)

Mur}

[Mur,

Thanks for noticing that piece that rolled away. I spent a week looking for it before I got your letter. The bike is coming along more slowly than I'd hoped, but it'll go back together just fine. By Christmas it'll be ready and I'll take you for a ride. James says I have to add an invisibility booster so Muggles won't see it when it flies. I'm still working on that, but I'm sure I'll come up with something. I always do.

I'm not sending you pictures as updates on the bike's progress, and I'm not sending them so you remember what I look like. (Who could forget?) Mrs. Potter keeps taking pictures of me, and I don't have any use for them. I think she just wants me to feel like part of the family. Anyway, if I don't send them to you, Prongs gives them to the Muggle girl down the street. I think he's desperate to find me a new girlfriend. As if I could ever date a Muggle! How would she keep me in line? Not that she isn't pretty, mind you.

We haven't seen much of Peter this summer, but Remus has been around a lot. Without the shack the moon was rough. His parents about flipped when he disappeared for the night, and we had to tell them about Prongs. They've kept the secret really well, but we haven't mentioned Padfoot and Wormtail yet. James is far too trusting sometimes. But then, he didn't grow up the way we did - he was 11 before he met a person he couldn't trust. Anyway, now Remus comes to stay with us for the weekends, and his parents were thrilled that he came home without bandages.

I have sent a letter to Regalus, but I don't expect a response. I'm a disgrace to the family, remember? I'll probably write to him again next week. You'll have to forgive me if I don't place much faith in Snape's good intentions. James' dad joined the Order of the Phoenix, so James and I have been keeping our ears open. Snape is being watched pretty carefully. He spends a lot of time at Malfoy Manor, and Lucius is nearly a sure thing. Of course, no one can prove it yet, but those of us from the old crowd know each other well enough by now to tell, I would think. As soon as school's out next year I'm joining the Order. We all are. It was practically a given in the common room last year that everyone who could was joining. (I expect that the Slytherins experienced something similar, though for the opposite side. I haven't mentioned that to James, though. Knowing him he'd want to blow up the whole Slytherin common room.)

Your owl looks exhausted. Maybe Italy is too far for her to go each week? James' dad says I can use their owl once in a while, so I'll keep Gypsy here this time and send the letter with Rodmilla instead.

Sirius

If the above looks like a jumbled mess, it's because you aren't Muriel Deesia. Unless you're holding her wand, I wouldn't recommend trying to break the code.]

Mur was surprised when Gypsy arrived only a few days after Rodmilla with another letter. The owl glared at her reproachfully as she unfolded the short bit of parchment.

[Dear Muriel,

Hello. I thought I'd send you a note since Padfoot is stashing your letters under his mattress like bags of galleons and isn't very forthcoming with information. I hope your summer is going well.

I've spent a lot of time at the Potters', which has been great. My parents didn't exactly approve of the whole Prongs idea, but when we told them how much the fine was, they agreed to keep it secret. James and Sirius are up to their usual antics without you to keep them in line. (Merlin knows I've had no luck.) Half the women in Godric's Hollow have a picture of Sirius and his greasy metal toys thanks to James. Sirius hasn't given a second glance to any of them. James claims you gave him a love potion, but I seem to recall you mentioning that you aren't so good with potions.

I guess I'd better go. Sirius wants me to hand him things to stick onto the mass of metal that's forming in the garage. See you in a few weeks.

Love,

Remus]

Underneath the careful script of his signature, was a post script, written hastily, but obviously in the same hand:

[S stood over my shoulder the whole time - is concerned that he upset you by saying the Muggle girl was pretty, so he had me write to smooth things over. Only have a minute, but thought you'd want to know. R]

{If the words below are illegible, I would recommend putting this letter down within the next 15 seconds. I don't think you want to know why.

Remus,

Your honesty is so refreshing! If I had to fall in love with a marauder, it's really a pity it wasn't you. I can hardly imagine how easy life would be if I had a boyfriend who said exactly what he meant and never bothered to try and make me jealous. But then, where's the excitement in that, right?

I'm not upset that he thinks the Muggle girl is pretty. I didn't even comment on it in my last letter. It's endearing that he's so concerned, though. He probably only wrote that because he was upset that I didn't invite him to the ball.

When we first started seeing each other, I didn't think it would last. But when we broke his relationship record (which Vanessa tells me was only a week and a half), I stopped worrying so much. It helps to know what he's thinking (and thankfully not acting on!) most of the time. Letter writing is difficult, though, since it's hard to tell what he's thinking when he writes. Still, it's nice to know that I'm not the only one who gave up snogging for the holiday. I don't think I really expected him to, to be honest. (Give it up, that is.)

My summer has been pandered away on sunshine, saltwater and sightseeing. Aunt Rosa let me go with a Muggle tour guide to see the Coliseum two weeks ago. That was the last day I was allowed to leave the property. After the tour, he took the group to a cafe that happened to be wizard owned. The Lauriello boy, who tried to kiss me at the ball, was eating dinner with one of the other wizards I danced with, and they kept glaring at me.

I ditched the tour and went over to apologize, figuring that maybe Papa would forgive me faster. (Apparently he and Lauriello's parents are old school friends, and he was furious that I hexed him.) He accepted my apology a little too readily. I should have known something was up. But I let him buy me dessert (though I sat beside the other boy), and we talked for a while. He offered to walk me home and I told him that I'd have to Apparate instead, since the Casa was on the beach. He walked with me to the Apparation point, but grabbed my wrist before I could disapparate. Then (and don't repeat this) he told me his father had expected him to convince me to marry him during the ball, and if I'd like we could go back into town right now and buy an engagement ring!

And I thought BLACK was conceited! Imagine proposing to someone you don't even know. And he seemed so sure that I wouldn't turn him down. It was infuriating, really. I was shocked, and upset, and tried to get away, but he wouldn't let go of my wrist. Well, that just made me angry as well, so I threw him, like I did to Black at the beginning of 5th year on the train. I wrenched my shoulder something awful. He's even taller than Black, and a bit huskier as well. Then, for good measure, I turned him into a chimpanzee (Aunt Rosa is great at Transfiguration, and she's got all these archaic books that I've been reading).

So now I'm not allowed to go out anymore. But I'm still allowed to go to the beach, and that's all that really matters. Only two more weeks, and it'll be back to Hoggy, Warty Hogwarts. See you then.

Mur}

Remus sat back in his chair, rereading Mur's letter. He read it four times before he tossed it into the fireplace and watched it burn. If she didn't want Sirius to see it, that was the only way. He could tell him the important bits. She wasn't snogging anyone, and she's not angry about the Muggle girl. The words swam in front of his eyes: "If I had to fall in love with a marauder..." Heaving a sigh, he grabbed the jar of floo powder and called upstairs to tell his parents where he was headed. He would definitely NOT be repeating that line to Sirius Black.

{If the words below are garbled, I'd advise you to put the parchment down and back away. You have 5 seconds.

Sev,

Well, this is it. Four more days and we'll be on the train again. Papa is here now, as you probably know. I've been told repeatedly that I ought to be ashamed of myself for what I did to Lauriello, but I can't bring myself to care. The only reason I'm bothered about it at all is that Papa refuses to answer my questions now on principle alone. I do hope you're doing well. It always worries me when he refuses to say.

I told you in my last letter that the Order is watching you closely. You didn't scold me, so I assume that means my precautionary hexes are enough to keep prying eyes at bay. Even if you aren't speaking to me, I know you wouldn't let me write if it wasn't safe. Do you like my latest hex? I charmed it to the color of your eyes - if anyone whose eyes are even the slightest shade different tries to read it, it will melt into a puddle of bubertuber puss in their hands. Don't leave it lying around at Malfoy's!

I really worry about you being there so much. Rumors are flying about Lucius and his father. Most people are too afraid of the Malfoys to publicly accuse them, but I hope you'll both be careful. Any rumor about him is going to reflect on you at this point. I'm sure the pressure's terrible by now, though Papa says your father is away again. If you have to do it, Sev, I want to know. Not even you and Papa combined can keep me from it if you take the mark. You know that, don't you? I won't let you face that alone.

This is going to be a difficult year, I can tell. I've sent you eight letters this summer, including this one. I've stopped expecting a response. Even if by some miracle I've managed to soften your resolve at all, I know it will only strengthen again once we're back in school. I don't pretend to understand your anger, but then you haven't deigned to explain it. I can only hope you've cooled down enough to talk things over in a few days.

Mur}

Severus set the letter back down and closed his eyes. "You should go and see her," a smooth voice remarked from behind him. In any other setting, he would have been startled, but here, in Malfoy's Tapestry Museum, he just took a deep breath and opened his eyes.

He picked up the letter and cleared his throat. "If you have to do it, Sev, I want to know. Not even you and Papa combined can keep me from it if you take the mark. You know that, don't you? I won't let you face that alone," he read, his voice carefully unemotional. Lucius swore in response. "Indeed," Severus responded dryly. "Lose her to Black or endanger her by letting her take the mark."

Lucius handed him a glass of something he wasn't supposed to be drinking and he downed it quickly, suppressing a grimace. Then he stood, placing the letter carefully in his pocket with the others. "See you at Christmas," he said by way of goodbye before he tossed a handful of floo powder into the fireplace and reappeared at home to begin packing for the trip back to Hogwarts tomorrow.