Harry Potter and the Foreign Exchange

Imagination Chronicles Inc.: Oi!

Crazywryter: 'Allo to everybody! Sorry for chapter one and two for being less than 10 pages long but oh well.

Harry: You could have done better and probably made it longer than this. You are such a lazy ass.

Crazywryter: So I'm a lazy ass huh! Well I'll show you. (Harry and Crazywryter are engulfed in fight cloud)

Hermione: Boys! (rolls eyes then shakes head)

Edward: For all of you who are confused about which Edward I am. I am the Edward from Cowboy Bebop. At this time I would like to say that the title is quite funny. I like it.

Harry: Oh and for all of you out there who don't know Edward, Ed is a girl. Yes, I know, that came as shock to me to but Ed is indeed a girl. (Edward beams at the screen)

Ron: Let me just point out that DOES IT LOOK LIKE WE OWN ANYTHING. No I think not.

Edward: You can't sue us. You can't sue us. Na na na na na! (makes triangle laugh)

Crazywryter: I must confess something. The scene that unfolds with Harry and Dudley and what Dudley needs to do is not my idea although I wish it were. I would like to say this is Barb's idea and I think it's a great idea although I don't intend to do what she did with the Harry/Dudley relationship. This is probably as far it will go. I encourage very much that you read her fic if you already haven't. She is truly a great writer that is if she doesn't do this type thing for a living and/or doesn't make money off of writing her own thing which I have no clue about so don't quote me on this.

CHAPTER TWO: HELPING DUDDERS

*O* Closer to Perfection by A*teens

Harry thought he was going to get it now. He stared at the gigantic mass that was Dudley, which began to tear up. Harry was astounded to see Dudley like this for he was a wreck. Dudley began to wail gazing at Harry like he was going to get his just deserve.

"What's wrong Dudley?" asked Harry slowly.

"I'm...I'm...I'm tired of being fat. I'm tired of having to smuggle candy to room just to have it taken away. I'm tired of eating grapefruit. I want to be slim like you. I want to eat normal wholesome meals. I want to make something of myself and not be a terrifying blob. My parents are helping very well and...Oh, Harry help me, please I'm begging you," sobbed Dudley who began to throw a Dudley tantrum only this time the tears and the cries were for real. He said this like it had been on his chest for a very long time.

Harry was taken aback by Dudley's display. He wondered whether to go get one of Dudley's cameras and cause further blackmail or help the big lug. Eventually he gave in.

"Something says I'm going to regret this, all right," Harry said reluctantly as Dudley embraced Harry's mid-section, "Oh come on, geroff. Now I'm all wet. You better hope no one sees you."

At this Dudley let go, struggled to get up, and failed falling on his back. Then he tried to turn over but to no avail. Harry thought he looked like a turtle that was on his back. With much strain on Harry's back, he somehow managed to get Dudley on his feet.

If he keeps this up I'll never able to defeat the Dark Lord if he comes, Harry thought.

"All right," panted Harry, trying to catch his breathe, "Let me see. We need to do a bit of running and probably so calisthenics before and after we run. Also-

"Cali-what-ics?" Dudley asked confusedly.

"Calisthenics. Aerobics and stuff-

Dudley groaned, "Can we do all that later maybe like in a month or so and try something easy like...like...

"Like what?" inserted Harry.

"I don't know, you're the trainer you tell me," Dudley said pointedly.

"Look if you want to slim down then you will do what I tell you to do to unless you want to stay big and blubbery," Dudley shook his head, "Good then. Be up by 5:30 and in the living room by 5:40 dressed in some jogging clothes. We begin tomorrow. No groaning, whining, or any of that. Remember now no pain no gain."

Dudley looked at Harry displeased in everyway, but agreed.

Maybe this won't be that hard. Maybe it will be fun. You never know. This could be very stimulating, Harry thought to himself.

How wrong he was for the next morning Harry woke up at 5:30 in the morning. Groggily, he went to his dresser and put on some gray jogging pants and a sleeveless t-shirt with some old hand-me-down sneakers. Then he went to Dudley's room.

"Snoring fast asleep are we, well we'll see about that," Harry whispered angrily.

We tiptoed over to Dudley's bed very quietly. Then he yanked the sheets off of his bed. Harry winced at the sight of Dudley after this. For the most obvious Dudley found it unnecessary to wear a shirt or you know...

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!

But Dudley did not move. Harry move the covers over his midsection and began prodded him with a finger in the back then he used the air rifle lying on the floor.

Argh, nothing.

Harry became agitated. He raised his foot and kicked Dudley with the sole of his foot off the bed. Dudley crushed the bed stand and several other toys lying helplessly on the floor. Harry started rubbing his foot in pain. Finally, Dudley got up stupidly, looked over to Harry, and then threw a pillow at him. Harry dodged with ease. Harry walked over to Dudley's dresser and threw him some clothes. Dudley groaned.

"No groaning, you big lummox. Be in the living room in three minutes or be fat forever. Oh and also don't ever sleep in the nude ever, ever, e-ver again," Harry said nastily.

"You're so mean," whined Dudley.

"Welcome to my world," Harry said flatly, "Remember now, I grew up eleven years with no friends or anyone to take care of me properly like you did. Those are eleven years I will never get back and do over again."

Dudley looked sadden by this while Harry rolled his eyes and walked out of the room. Five minutes later (Harry had to help Dudley who fell down the stairs) they were outside trying very hard to do anything worth calling exercise. Dudley was trying to do jumping jacks while Harry looked at him in disgrace. Dudley did about five lame jacks to Harry's good twenty. Next came toe touches. Harry touched his toes without bending his legs. Dudley barely reached his knees while bending his knees then he fell over again. After helping him back up, they tried leg lunges. Dudley feet were about a foot apart compared to Harry's length apart. After that they started on jogging but that was a total complete waste of time. Every time Harry could get some distance he had to round back to get Dudley who was lollygagging behind somewhere. Then when Dudley almost passed out on the ground, they rested a bit and did some sit ups. Dudley did about two to Harry's thirty-five. He would have done more if he didn't lose track because of Dudley crushing his feet. Finally it came down to push-ups where Harry had Dudley beat 20 to 1. They went inside drank a bit of water and Dudley took his shower first. Harry threw his shirt in the dirty clothes pile and flopped on his bed, his muscles tensing and his heart rapidly beating. He began to wonder why he started this anyway. He also began to wonder what Hermione and the Weasely's were doing. He began to wonder what Voldemort would try and do to him this year. Harry raised his head to see an owl on his windowsill. It was carrying a letter that had no name or anything on it. He opened the letter and read it in his mind.

Harry Potter,

I am so please to have found where you are. My name will be left anonymous in fear of interception. I just wanted to drop a few lines and will be seeing you this school year. Hope you have a wonderful rest of the summer and will be meeting you on the train ride on the day of arrival. Happy early birthday to you too. I would have sent you something in the mail. But I didn't want the owl to drop dead on the way there. I mean would good would a birthday present be it was in the Atlantic Ocean. Anyway maybe we will meet quite sooner than you think.

Sincerely,

A friend! J

P.S. I do not work for Voldemort, so don't worry.

"Well that was nice of somebody. Whoever it was," Harry wondered. He put the letter on his bed stand and then walked to the bathroom to take a shower. He went down to the kitchen afterwards to get whatever he could find in the refrigerator. His day continued on doing whatever until dusk came when, he got Dudley to get his jogging clothes on and had at it again.

This went on for a whole two and half months. As each day progressed, so did Dudley and Harry. Before they had started, Harry was skinny and pale now he has muscles showing on his tanned skin. Dudley was big and fat with rolls all over somehow made the fat into bulk and was much more muscular than Harry being he had to work a whole lot more than Harry did. They still kept this a secret from Mr. and Mrs. Dursley who had thought that the grapefruit treatment worked. Dudley had also lightened up on Harry and a miracle happened. Dudley Dursley had become friends with Harry Potter. >Harry: OH. MY. GOD! (runs into bathroom and shuts door)< Neither Harry nor Dudley's parents could believe the way he was acting towards him.

*O* Doesn't Really Matter by Janet Jackson

"Oh! Look at my baby boy. He's growing up and looking handsome and muscular too. So today I fixed you a good health dinner for you," said Mrs. Dursley as she went to stove and returned with broccoli with cheese and chicken. Dudley began to tear up.

"Thanks, Mum!" said Dudley looking very happy and pleased, "And I owe all the thanks to Harry." His parents looked at him as though he were possessed. "He helped me out by being my trainer and we exercised every day for the past two and half months first thing early in the morning and then again about dusk. Look he also has muscles to." Dudley pointed to Harry's arm with his fork and food in his mouth.

"What are you saying, dear?" asked Mrs. Dursley acting as though she didn't understand.

"Are you saying that that helped you out getting these here," sounded Uncle Vernon referring to Harry and Dudley's massive arms.

Is that so hard to believe? Harry thought.

Dudley nodded. "What you got a problem with it?" he said flatly without raising his voice.

"I don't like your tone right now mister," rounded Uncle Vernon angrily.

"I hate your attitude towards people always Dad," Dudley rounded back.

"Dudley!" Mrs. Dursley said horror-stricken.

Two points Dudley, Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon zero, Harry thought still continuing to eat as though everything else is oblivious.

"No Mum. All my life I have known to dislike people just because they do something a little different than normal. Well guess what. There are more abnormal people in this world than there are normal people according to you. So in turn that makes the normal abnormal." By now Mr. and Mrs. Dursley were flabbergasted at what Dudley just said. "So while you are hating the people who are abnormal you are hating the people you are supposed to like which are the normal people." Harry who had acted like the conversation wasn't going on but was listening was now confused by what Dudley just said. "Oh! I'm sorry. Did I go a bit fast for you? I'll be a bit more blunt. There. Are. No. Normal. People. In. The. World. Did. You. Get. That?" said Dudley trying to reach his parents who were completely worried for their son. "Good. Now if you'll excuse me I need to get some rest for I have to get up early in the morning." With that said Dudley wiped his mouth, got up, threw his napkin on his plate, and exited the room. "Oh and uh dinner was delicious, Mum. Really appreciate it."

Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia just there dumbstruck as they looked at the door where their son and exited then turned to Harry who had taken his last bite. They stared at him as he cleared the table and washed the dishes. No words were said as this went on just them staring at Harry as though he were some complicated picture they couldn't understand.

When he exited the room, "I just don't know what's gotten into him these days," Harry said wonderingly. The Dursley's looked at Harry as he exited then looked at each other. They shook their heads and went in the living room for some tea.

Harry was more than surprised by Dudley's performance at the dinner table. Since then nothing had changed between Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia except they didn't treat him so bad this time. Harry and Dudley did their routine for the rest of the month and part of the next. The strange thing about this summer was Harry hadn't heard anything from Hermione or the Weasely's. This disturbed him to no end. Someone who Harry never met before in his life had written to him but not his best friends. What could they be doing that would cause them not to talk to him. They knew how lonely he was here but then again he hadn't sent them a letter either. This also disturbed him. He had been so preoccupied with Dudley that he hadn't thought to write them. Also this dream had occurred some months ago. What was that about? It didn't make any since what so ever.

This to confusing, he thought.

He sat on his windowsill pondering all of this when all of a sudden something odd came into view. It was heading straight for him. At the last second he ducked and whatever it was crashed on his bed then rolled off other side. Slowly, Harry walked over to it and picked up Errol, the Weasley's oldest owl who was quite useless. He took the letter from the half lifeless bird. He let out a pitiful hoot. Harry looked at the letter immediately guessing it was from Ron. He quickly opened the letter and mumbled over it.

Dear Harry,

Sorry I haven't talk to you lately but it's been really frantic around here. I'm also sorry for sending Errol but he was the only available owl and I need to send this quick. Like Errol can be quick! Anyway whenever you get this message, I just want to let you know that you have been invited to Bill's wedding/baby shower/bachelor party/birthday. I know this is kind of awkward to have all these at the same time but Bill kind of "sprang" the news on us. If you can, Dad wants to know if you could write to Sirius and get up here within the week on the Knight Bus being he doesn't want you riding by yourself. If not maybe we could spare some time and come get you but we would have to do that in a hurry. There will be relatives from all around and Hermione is coming as soon as possible. Well hope to see you some time next week and you might want to bring your stuff because you will be staying with us for the rest of the summer. Plus we will be going to Diagon Alley soon after.

Ron

P.S. I sent this the twenty-second of July. I hope you get it before then.

"Well for a useless owl you sure did a good job of getting here," complemented Harry to Errol who was fast asleep on Harry's bed. He rolled his eyes and got out a piece of parchment, ink bottle and a quill.

Dear Sirius,

Could you please come aid me on my way to Ron's house being so nothing happens? How have you been doing lately? I'm fine. The Dursley's have lightened up a little and a miracle happened. Their son, Dudley, and I are friends. Also how is Buckbeak? Hope your well.

Harry

He sent Hedwig off with the letter. He turned to sleeping Errol. Harry picked him up but then noticed that his wing was turning an awkward way. It was broken.

"Well I guess you'll be staying with me for a while," looking at the old bird. Harry fixed Errol's wing then set him in Hedwig's perch. He took off his shirt and dirty pants. He went to bed in his drawers. Just before he was drifting to sleep he shot straight up wide-eyed. "Birthday!"

Harry: Birthday!? What is that about? And why the hell did it take so long for Ron to write? Why the hell did Hermione not to write at all? Who is the supposed lucky woman who finds tall rock 'n' roller lookin' red heads attractive? Does she need her head examined? Find out in the next "omigod" episode: Birthdays, Babies, and Bachelor Parties. Oh My!