High Dudgeon or the Love Affairs of Hermione Granger

High Dudgeon or the Love Affairs of Hermione Granger

Part III

Before and Including Sixth Year~

Getting to the Burrow this summer was a little more difficult than it had been in the past. My trunk was full of new clothes Mum and Dad had bought me in London during the past week, which made me feel slightly more confident entering Ron's place of residence. I'm not sure why I was so nervous, but my heart was definitely beating double-time as I approached the front door of the Burrow and knocked on it.

"Who is it?" said Ginny's muffled voice through the crack of the door.

"It's only me - Hermione," I said, a little confused, and then realized it was a safety precaution.

"Ok, um... what did you call Ron once in fifth year when he was picking on you about Viktor Krum?" Even I had to think about this one for a moment. I laughed as I remembered it.

"Oh yeah... an 'insensitive wart' I believe," I said.

"Ok, you ask me one," Ginny said. This was rather fun.

"Alright... What boy did you secretly like in between Harry and Michael Corner that you made me swear never to tell to anyone?"

"Ah, Hermione, that's not fair... the whole bloody family's sitting here! Alright... it was Colin Creevey, happy now?" she said angrily as she opened the door.

"Quite happy, yes," I said, giving her a hug as I came in.

"What was that about Colin Creevey?" Ron asked as he walked up to us.

"Nothing Ron," said Ginny quickly, glaring at me.

"How did you know I called Ron an insensitive wart that one time?" I asked her. She looked unabashed as she truthfully answered.

"Oh, Ron was upset about something the next morning, so I made him tell me all about it... Harry backed the story up, too," she said smiling. Ron's ears turned slightly pink as he looked at his feet. I felt sorry about that incident, so I dropped my trunk and impulsively grabbed Ron to hug him. He smelled like the outdoors with a hint of sweat and a touch of an elusive something else that came from living at the Burrow. I liked that smell. I liked being that close to him, but we separated quickly. He was slightly redder than before, so I motioned for Ginny to lead the way up to her room, where we'd be sleeping.

"Before we go in, I should warn you about something, Hermione," Ginny said with a guilty look on her face.

"What's that?" I asked, as she swung open the door. To my great astonishment and abhorrence, Fleur Delacour was seated on Ginny's bed, brushing her long silvery blond hair and looking serene.

"Oh, 'ello," she said, standing up, "And 'oo is zees?" she asked Ginny in a patronizing tone.

"This is my friend, Hermione, Fleur. She'll be staying up here too."

"But of course," she said thickly, and I began hating her all over again.

"My brother Bill and Fleur are engaged," Ginny said with a grimace. I could tell she didn't like her any more than I did.

"Mais oui! Eet is my first time visiting, you know, and ze arrangements are very, how do you say, small. But we will manage, je suppose..." she said trailing off in a depressed manner and walking downstairs. After she was out of earshot, I began.

"Ginny, I'm so sorry."

"Me too," she said and helped haul my trunk into her room, which was very crowded after all.

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That evening of my arrival, Ron, Ginny, and Bill decided to have a game of Quidditch. I accompanied them, feeling awfully calm as we marched into the hazy gold of the late afternoon.

Ron walked next to me, asking a few questions about what I had been doing the past few weeks. I told him, sensing something in me I had almost forgotten in his absence... the way my stomach flipped over when he looked at me, the way my face would burn when he said something nice to me; it was all a part of life's hellish design to torture and frustrate Hermione Granger.

I could never tell what he was thinking, so it was impossible for me to guess if he could be feeling the same way. I sat on the edge of the field, watching them all as the three of them sped off into the night, jeering at one another and laughing about old times. I was realizing, as I sat there, the true nature of my feelings for Ron. I wanted him. I loved how he was so tall and gangly. It made me furious, however, that anyone could have this kind of effect on me. I grumpily put an end to my reverie, and therefore was in the perfect, nasty mood to talk to Fleur, who suddenly came traipsing up the hill behind me.

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"I know what you're thinking, Hermione," Ginny said startling me as I lay on the cot by her bed staring at the ceiling. I thought Ginny had been employed writing a letter to Dean, so I didn't expect her to start talking seriously to me; her words made me jump.

"Oh yes?" I asked casually. Ginny was smart - she probably did know what I was thinking.

"Yep. There's only one solution, too."

"What's that?" I asked as I pretended to be stifling a yawn.

"Ask him out."

"What? Who?" I felt bewildered. She guessed it, of course.

"Ask... Ron... out," she said slowly and deliberately, still writing her letter. I groaned, but she went on, "He's obviously too big of a prat to realize you two like each other, so, therefore, your only option is... to ask the stupid git out."

"I couldn't Ginny, I just couldn't."

"Couldn't what?" said Ron's voice in the doorway. He had poked his head in on his way upstairs. I only had time to notice how his features were softened by the lateness of the hour, and how his hair was more disheveled than usual before Ginny snapped at him.

"Ron, if you don't mind, this happens to be a private conversation," she sneered. He shrugged, apparently too tired to argue and walked off. Ginny turned to face me.

"See? You're practically halfway to the moon, just because he poked his head in the door!" I shook my head a little as if shaking off the effect he had on me. I pictured what it would be like to go out with Ron, as I had done so many times before the previous year.

"Maybe I will... someday," I told her. She shook her head in frustration.

"All you've got is today," she said wisely, "I'm sure Bill and Phlegm would tell you the exact same thing."

"I can't yet, Ginny. It's just not a possibility at the moment." I laid down my head and felt miserable.

Before I fell asleep I wished about a thousand times that Ron would wise up and take some initiative himself, but that only led me to doubting his feelings again. Instead I drifted uncomfortably off to dream about a grave and Ginny in the form of Mrs. Weasley shaking a finger at me saying, "I told you so," while I knelt beside the tomb and cried. I woke up sweating the next morning and made an attempt to plan a strategy to ask Ron out.

The only problem was that I didn't know the first thing about asking a guy to go out with me. Finally deciding that the whole situation was impossible, I gave it up and instead went upstairs to ask Ron when Harry would be coming.

I opened the door without knocking - I was that preoccupied. Ron was there with his back to me, with no shirt on, wearing a pair of boxers, at least, thank Merlin. My eyes widened when I saw him. I had never felt that drawn to anyone. You could tell how much he had grown, his shoulders were more muscular, and his legs and arms had filled out a good deal. I must have gasped or made some sort of noise because he turned around quickly, then turned beet red when he saw me standing there, staring at him. I slammed the door, just as he said "Hermione!" and I ran downstairs as quickly as I could. I crept through the kitchen as silently as I possibly could, not wanting Mrs. Weasley to see me, and ran out into the yard. I tried to compose myself out there, but I ended up just pacing in circles, frustrated and kicking things that got in my way.

After about 15 minutes of trying to shake that vision of him out of my mind, I reentered the kitchen, picked up a book and sat down on the couch in the living room. Ginny came down before Ron did, so I was able to pretend like nothing had happened when Ron followed a few minutes later.

"Does anyone know when Harry's arriving?" I asked the room at large and received two shrugs and a "tomorrow, possibly" from Mrs. Weasley. Ron was stealing furtive glances at me, and reddening when I returned them. Ginny was watching the pair of us from behind the Daily Prophet, and I sighed.

"I wish he was here," I mumbled. When I looked up from my book, both Ginny and Ron were staring at me. "What? Don't you miss him?" They both looked away with a sort of confused look, but it seemed to distract at least from the preceding incident. I could tell from that moment that it was going to be a long and difficult summer.

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I'm not sure what made me do it. I was just sitting there in the stands, about to watch McLaggen mount his broomstick, when something popped into my head. I sensed that Ron wasn't going to outperform this burly git... something had to be done.

I heard him from the bench below me. He smiled at me when he sat down to watch the rest of the team try out, and I grimaced slightly back at him. I suppose he was sort of good looking in a thick, muscular sort of way. I was musing on this subject when I heard him speak Ron's name.

"Will you look at that blood-traitor Weasley and his sister? I'll wager they're just on the team because they're friendly with the Captain. Huh, more than that, I'll bet that little red-head girl is more than friendly with Potter. I've heard rumors about her. And that Weasley bloke, I was watching him last year, and he couldn't save a bloody thing until the final match. Potter had to save his rear every time..." My blood was boiling inside of me to hear Ginny and Ron being talked about like that. So, when he took to the air and was about to make his final save, I quickly grabbed my wand and furtively aimed it at him. It worked wonders - he flew off in exactly the opposite direction of where the quaffle was headed.

Any perception I had that he was attractive had vanished completely, and I watched Ron, looking sickened, mount his broom. Luckily, he saved all five, and I couldn't resist running up to congratulate him.

"You did brilliantly, Ron!" I grinned at him. He beamed back at the team and then at me, with a grateful glance. It was worth it, I thought.

Even when Harry grabbed my arm and confronted me about it later, I still thought it was worth it. Seeing the slightly jealous expression on Ron's face as he turned back to see what we were up to was more than rewarding.

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I had to sit next to McLaggen. There was a seat open on Ginny's left, and even one next to Zabini... but no, Professor Slughorn decided he would seat me next to Cormac Bloody McLaggen. He started talking to me, and I couldn't bear it. I was thinking about what I had done earlier today and beginning to feel guilty, especially as I watched him try and cut up his pheasant with his soup spoon.

Eventually, after what seemed like a century, the dinner was over, and we all filed out of Professor Slughorn's rooms. Dinner was just ending in the Great Hall as well, because I spotted Harry and Ron climbing the staircase. I was about to run up to them when McLaggen grabbed my arm as Harry had done earlier.

"Would you mind if I walked back to the common room with you?" he asked. I groaned inwardly, but walked next to him in any case. My guilt complex must have been increasing, even though I knew he was an ornery prat. The four of us reached the common room at the same time, and Ron glared at me.

"What's the matter Ron?" I asked and he just shook his head warningly. Thankfully, McLaggen left us alone after that. Thinking about Ron being jealous earlier got me to thinking again about what Ginny had told me in the beginning of the summer, but I wasn't certain. These thoughts preoccupied my mind when I wasn't doing schoolwork, and I dreamt about it practically every night. I wasn't completely sure of myself, but I knew what I had to do, and it had to be soon.

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At Professor Slughorn's next party, he invited Gwenog Jones, which was quite a nice treat; but the pleasantness of this surprise was contradicted by Cormac's fumbling attempts to get me to like him. I caught him looking at me meaningfully a few times, and I looked away embarrassed. He even asked if I would meet him in Hogsmeade that evening, as we ascended the stairs to the portrait hole. I told him no thanks and he grumbled off ahead of me.

The one piece of information I really and truly treasured from that party was the fact that Professor Slughorn was having another party before Christmas, and we were allowed to bring guests.

"So, we're allowed to bring people from outside the Slug Club, then, are we?" Ginny asked as we were all preparing to leave.

"Yes, indeed, Miss Weasley. And, I am determined to have Mr. Potter join us. Miss Granger, will you do me a small favor and ask dear Harry what evenings he is free, so that we may be sure of his company?" I chuckled inwardly at what Harry's reaction would be, but I agreed nonetheless.

I raced out of his office so Cormac couldn't follow me, as he was in the habit of doing, and grinned to myself. Now I had an opportunity to ask Ron. It made me blush at the very thought, and my heart quickened, but I drifted off to sleep that night with a smile on my face.

When I saw Ron that morning, I felt positively sick. Still, my resolve was firm. There was no one else in the school that I would enjoy accompanying to that party other than Ron. In Herbology that day, I saw my opportunity and grabbed it. Thank God for Harry asking me about Slughorn's party.

"Anyway," I began, pulse throbbing at what I was about to do, "Slughorn's going to have a Christmas party..." I explained to Harry about Slughorn's scheme to make sure he could come. Ron looked disgruntled as he attempted to squish the pod.

"And this is another party just for Slughorn's favorites, is it?" My nerves were getting the better of me, I thought... we were getting very close.

"The Slug Club... what a bloody stupid name... well, at least it really sets the tone for the parties, doesn't it?"

"Look, I didn't make up the name 'Slug Club' -"

It wasn't Ron insulting the Slug Club that really got my temper up; it was that sneering little comment about McLaggen that pushed me past feeling bashful and maidenly.

"... I was going to ask you to come, but if you think it's that stupid then I won't bother!" I said angrily, and didn't even notice that I had turned beet red. I waited a few eternal moments, when I noticed something change in Ron, something that made me almost relax with pleasure.

"You were going to ask me?"

"Yes," the fierceness had not left my voice, to my very great surprise. "But obviously, if you'd rather I hooked up with McLaggen..."

He said he wouldn't rather, and I could have burst with relief. After that, an uncomfortable silence grew between the three of us. I almost didn't notice Harry's thoughtful, anxious look... almost.

It was the night before the Quidditch match, and I smiled at Ron as he entered the dining hall, but all I got was surliness and anger. I couldn't understand it. What had I done? I asked him to go to Slughorn's party, and he accepted... this was supposed to be the part where things got good, you know... really good. I had been hoping that something would change in Ron's confidence levels; that perhaps he would somehow realize that I cared about him, but my hopes and prayers were not to be answered.

In fact, Ron's unspoken anger with me seemed to increase with each day that went by. I couldn't understand what had happened to turn him against me. I decided to just not sit with them any more. I was fed up with it; it was all so dreadfully unfair.

Then, the ordeal with the fake Felix Felicis happened, and it seemed like the rift between Ron and I had increased to roughly the size of the Atlantic Ocean. When I finally arrived at the party in the common room, I looked around for Harry or Ginny, and subconsciously, for Ron. I wanted to patch things up, and ask him what I'd done to make him so mad, and I was really feeling half-hopeful about the whole thing when I saw them.

I felt like puking or crumpling in a heap on the floor. I felt the tears welling up behind my eyes, and ran out of the common room and ducked in the first classroom I came to. I tried not to cry, and decided to try conjuring the birds again, just to prove I could.

"Hermione?" came Harry's voice from the dark. There was no getting around it - he knew what was going on between Ron and me, he probably knew more than I did, and I envied him. I mean... Lavender? I knew she liked him, but... how could he?

"Ron seems to be enjoying the celebrations," I said bitterly. Harry pretended that he didn't know what I was talking about. In a moment, Ron came in, dragging Lavender after him, the pair of them laughing. I felt like I could go a million different directions at once out of pure rage.

"You shouldn't leave Lavender waiting outside," I finally said when I could hear myself think; "She'll wonder where you've gone." Then, walking towards the door, I did the only thing I could think of.

"OPPUGNO!" I screamed, watched the effect for a moment, savoring it, choked out a sob and stomped out.

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A part of me wilted every time I saw Lavender and Ron kissing, no matter where they were - saying good morning, saying goodnight, in between classes, at night in the common room - I couldn't get away from that filthy traitorous wretch and his... stupid whore. I tried to keep my spirits up enough to finish my schoolwork as usual, but it was difficult. I was walking around in a perpetual state of high dudgeon. However, I managed to keep my wits about me just enough to plot my revenge. After all, nothing happened between Ron and I that was concrete, so I decided to go around as though nothing had happened at all. I wasn't about to let my heart be apparently broken by such a slimy hypocrite. I laid my trap one morning right there in front of the pair of them.

"Hi, Parvati!" I said without a glance at Lavender and Ron. "Are you going to Slughorn's party tonight?" I only vaguely listened to her answer as I plotted out my next speech carefully.

"Yes, I'm meeting Cormac at eight, and we're -" This had the desired effect as Ron tore himself away from that... leech. I carefully ignored him, though. "- we're going to the party together."

"Are you going out with him, then?"

"Oh - yes - didn't you know?"

"No! Wow, you like your Quidditch players, don't you? First Krum, then McLaggen..."

"I like really good Quidditch players," I said and then walked away. YES! I did it! I kick ass! I strutted inwardly for a few minutes before the reality hit. I was actually going on a date with McLaggen, and Ron was free to snog Lavender all he wanted.

Cormac, I noticed had had a few too many pints of mulled mead, and now he was dragging me over to the mistletoe.

"No, really, Cormac, I don't want to go over there. Why don't we go get some food? I noticed Slughorn has some really lovely desserts..." He had his hand all over me, attempting to be a suave, seductive gentleman, apparently.

"Come on, Hermione," he said, and I found I couldn't wrench myself from his vice-like grip. This fellow was strong. He finally managed to position us underneath the despicable tradition, and forcibly held me close to him.

"I really don't think I -" I stammered, and the thing I had been dreading happened... he kissed me. And it was absolutely disgusting. My fury was enough to give me added strength, and I got away from him at last. I spent the rest of the night avoiding him. At least it was better than sitting in the same common room as the traitor.

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I was sitting in the common room, trying to focus on Ancient Runes, when somebody said, "I thought I saw Weasley being carted into the hospital wing earlier... he looked pretty bad... I dunno what happened," the seventh year said walking by. I immediately dropped my book and rushed up to the hospital wing. Harry was outside, running his hands through his hair - this led me to assume some pretty horrible things.

"Harry! What happened? Tell me!" I said, sounding desperate, and feeling worse. I only breathed out when Harry told me Ron was out of danger. I sat silently in the ward next to his bed, listening to them carry on about poisonings and Slughorn while Ron was lying there looking feverish. I couldn't bear the thoughts I had when I pictured Ron almost dying. I shuddered to think what life would have been like if he had died thinking ill of me, and me of him. We had come so close to that destiny, it left me shivering and crying noiselessly the whole while.

I snapped out of it, and said something to the others about the poisoner, when, all unsuspectingly, Ron said my name in his sleep. I resolved not to be bitter anymore. Our friendship meant too much to me now to let him think I hated him.

In between classes, when I was feeling particularly exhausted, I would find myself wandering up to the hospital ward to check on him. He was that comfortable place in my mind, where I was safe and protected, and could be myself, and I didn't realize how much I just needed him on my side. I drew strength from him, and now he was weak. I needed to help him, so I visited him whenever I found a spare half hour. I was rewarded when I found Ron greeting me with a smile every time I entered the ward.

I had fond feelings for that hospital ward.

"I'm sorry I've been so... so angry lately, with you, Ron... and I just wanted you to know that. You're still my best friend, and I don't know where I would be without someone like you to bicker with." Ron looked at me, almost as if he knew what I was trying to say. I began to cry, letting out all the stress from watching him being ill, and picturing in my mind what it would have been like if Harry hadn't saved him. I tried to stop crying, because I didn't like feeling weak in front of him. I found I couldn't stop, so instead I left the ward and found a quiet classroom where I cried out the past few months.

The next day when I visited him, he was looking rather awkward.

"I've been thinking about what you said yesterday, and I realized you wouldn't have been angry if I hadn't shut you out in the first place," he said staring at his sheets.

"I didn't know what I could've done to make you that angry with me," I told him truthfully, hoping it would all come out now.

"Me and Harry spotted Ginny and Dean going at it in the corridor, and I got mad, and then she started yelling about how everyone else was snogging someone and I guess I just felt inadequate..."

"But why were you angry at me?" I asked thinking I almost knew the answer. I thought I heard him mumble something about "Vicky" and gasped when I realized that what I had done was snog Viktor Krum. I blushed, and so did he.

"Well, you needn't worry about that," I told him, "I called it off ages ago... while the Tournament was still going on, as a matter of fact." I couldn't look at him, it was all too marvelous.

"So, you did, um..." he hinted.

"Well, obviously, I didn't enjoy it. Not like you and Lavender..." I told him. "Well, I'd better be off. I've got some Arithmancy to be finishing. And I simply don't know when I'll be able to practice those human transformation incantations..."

"Aw, lay off it, Mione," he said tenderly, "It's not every day a bloke gets poisoned! It's as dull as tombs up here!"

"I'll tell Lavender to come visit you," I said smiling and walking off as I glanced at his look of frustration and fright.

"I have a feeling I'll be needing a nap quite soon," he said, lying down on his pillows.

Lavender and Ron broke up not too long after the poisoning fiasco, and things seemed to be falling into place. We had a lot of catching up to do, Ron and me, but it was going to be fun.

We had walked into Hogsmeade together for the Apparition tests, and Ron almost forgot he had failed when he saw Twycross patting me on the back and telling me how brilliantly I had done. Ron hastily stepped over and led me away, with an awkward smile on his face. Things seemed to be falling into place with us, just as everything else was falling apart in the world outside.

I remembered being on cloud nine that day Ron told us he and Lavender had split up, and I laughed at how blissfully ironic it was that she called it off just because Harry had decided to be invisible. When Harry asked me why I was smiling so much, I answered truthfully, saying, "It's a nice day."

We only had a few of those golden moments left before the horrifying night Snape had fled the castle, leaving the rest of us heart sore over our Headmaster.

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Eventually, I found my head was on Ron's shoulder, and I was sobbing into his chest, his hand laid caressingly on my hair. In my grief, I still heard the steady drip of Ron's tears falling.

"What are we going to do, Mione?" he asked quietly into my ear - so close to him.

"I don't know," I told him while choking out another sob. "I don't want to leave you both... My parents wouldn't understand," I dissolved once more into Ron's shoulder.

"I guess we'll go where Harry goes," he said, sounding resolved. I agreed with him.

"We're in too deep, now," I said, sitting up, feeling better that some course of action was resolved upon. He nodded slowly as he stared at a place a few rows ahead of us.

"Bill and Fleur's wedding," he mumbled. "You're coming, Hermione. It'll be practically the first week after we leave here, knowing those two," he nodded in their direction. My heart lit up and extinguished quickly.

"I'll have to write to my parents, and it won't be easy." I sighed at the task that lay awaiting me. Ron sat up straighter next to me.

"Hermione, you're the smartest witch I've ever known - you'll be able to think of something."

"Yes, well the truth always works the best, doesn't it?" I asked him patronizingly. He shrugged.

"What's the truth, then?" I looked down and noticed he was still stroking my hand. I looked away from him. I was too embarrassed to look. There was a long silence until I spoke quietly.

"I suppose that the truth is... that I just want to be near you." There.

"I know," he nodded, and then said, lightening his tone, "And that excuse will just have to do, because I'm not asking you to come, I'm making you."

And that was just the beginning.

To be continued...