Found, Never Lost

Chapter 8: Souls Swimming

Aquarium Berlin, approx. 13:00

The humid gloom of the old building was a sharp contrast to the sunny warmth outside.

Harry had hoped that the nice weather would draw people more towards the zoo and other outdoor activities, but he had warned Draco that on a Sunday, chances were that the aquarium would be crowded, and it was.

"Do we want to start at the top or at the bottom?" he asked Draco who was leafing through the illustrated guide they had purchased with their tickets.

"Top floor? Insects," Draco said after consulting the floorplan. "Sounds interesting. Let's start there."

Ten minutes later, Harry felt inclined to disagree with that assessment, but here they were and the Potion Maker in Draco was fascinated. He studied every label and scanned every exhibit for signs of its occupants, and when no other visitors were nearby, he proceeded to describe the main potion ingredient that could be harvested from whatever creature they were currently looking at. And although Harry was glad that Draco limited his lectures to one ingredient per insect, he found that he was enjoying himself because this was obviously fun for Draco.

"You're really good at this, you know."

"And that surprises you? I've studied this sort of thing, remember?"

"That's not what I meant. I meant that you're good at explaining things."

Draco smiled at Harry who smiled back.

"I wasn't very good at it in school, though, was I?"

"You weren't the most patient teacher, that's for sure," Harry said. "On the other hand, I wasn't the most attentive student."

"You had other things on your mind."

"So did you," Harry reminded him, "but you still made it a point to study."

Draco shrugged. "We had different priorities."

And there it was. Their past in a nutshell. Just like that. Contained in two little words: different priorities.

Harry ran a hand through his hair and looked at Draco a little uncertainly. "We sure did, didn't we?"

Draco returned his look more calmly than he felt. Here was another critical choice to make. He could make light of the moment and pretend the past didn't matter. But fact was that it did matter. Quite a bit, actually. Different priorities indeed, he thought bitterly. You run off to chase an evil, insane - what was the word he had seen in the Muggle paper this morning? Something with terror... - whatever, and I never hear from you again. Not a single fucking word. As if nothing ever happened between us. And then I try to get a hold of you and Granger tells me you have disappeared and nobody knows where you've gone or what you're doing. And you probably have no idea what that did to all of us, you... egotistical prick.

With an effort, he suppressed a sneer and simply arched an eyebrow at Harry. "Do you want to talk about this here?" he asked coolly.

"We can if you want to, but I'd rather do it somewhere else."

Draco looked at him quizzically. "And where would that be? Another quiet place?"

"I don't care as long as they have decent food." He grinned at Draco. "You know that I don't like serious conversations on an empty stomach."

And with this, he turned his attention to the next tank and pointed at a very odd-looking black beetle that was just crawling out from underneath a large leaf. "So what do you do with this thing?"

Draco glanced at the insect and couldn't help but roll his eyes. Trust Potter to pick Chalcosoma caucasus to save the moment!

"That's a Rhinoceros beetle. The ground horn is used in love potions," he said and moved on without looking at Harry, who was trying to make up his mind whether he should be amused or embarrassed and didn't reply.

By the time they reached the last exhibit, Harry had regained his inner equilibrium. Then he spotted the occupant of the tank in front of them and was reminded of yet another pre-carious episode at Hogwarts. Because here sat one of the hugest, hairiest spiders he had ever seen outside the Forbidden Forest, staring at them, eight pinpoints of light reflecting from its eerie eyes.

"I heard there are Acromantulas in the Forbidden Forest," Draco said thoughtfully and right on cue. " I wonder if it's true."

"It is true," Harry replied without thinking.

Draco looked at him curiously. "Really? Their venom is extremely valuable. It's one of the rarest and most expensive potion ingredients in the world." He grimaced. "Of course it is. Must be well-near impossible to collect." He stared at the tarantula, then apparently caught up to what Harry had just said. "How do you know about the Acromantulas?"

"I've seen them."

"Really?" Draco's eyes widened. "How come you, er..."

"Survived?" Harry shrugged. "Boy Who Lived, remember? I've always been lucky when it comes to monsters."

"I believe that's an understatement." Draco's tone was matter-of-fact.

Harry pushed on the bridge of his glasses. "Okay. Let's say I've had more than my fair share of luck with monsters, then."

Draco chuckled. "So how did you get away from the spiders? And why did you go look-ing for them in the first place?"

Harry pressed his lips together, unsure how to answer. Here was an opportunity to tell Draco the truth about the Chamber of Secrets and the role his father had played in it. Fate had handed him a double-edged sword. He could use it to carve a piece out of Lucius Malfoy, but he didn't want to risk cutting Draco in the process.

"It's a long story," he began, glancing at Draco who looked at him expectantly. "Let's just say, Hagrid asked Ron and me to help him with something..." Better not. "And then things got a little out of hand." Such revelations needed to wait until he knew more about Draco's relationship with his father, he decided.

"And why should that be a surprise, seeing as Hagrid is involved?"

"I hate to admit it, but you've got a point." Harry grinned. "Come on, let's go see the rep-tiles. I promised Star I'd say hi to the snakes."

"Great. More monsters. This is turning into Remember-Hagrid-Day." Draco pretended to shudder, but he grinned back at Harry and side by side they walked down the stairs.

oOoOoOoOoOo

All things considered, this had been a good idea, Draco thought. They stood on a small bridge in a huge greenhouse, watching a dozen or more alligators a few feet below them doing not a whole lot of anything.

Naturally, several of the reptiles they had seen on this floor - especially the big lizards called iguanas - had brought back memories of Hogwarts, like, for example, Hagrid's attempt to raise a baby Norwegian Ridgeback. And some of those memories had triggered conversations about the less pleasant aspects of their past, of course. But Draco found that reminiscing about those episodes made him feel more at ease with the idea of eventually talking about the things that really mattered. Such as different priorities.

He watched as one of the log-sized creatures below them dragged itself out of the water, settled its bulk comfortably on the artificial beach, closed its eyes, opened its jaws, and apparently dozed off.

"Hmmm, a nap would be nice right about now," he said, trying to stifle a yawn.

"Tired?"

"I'm not sleeping well lately."

"Hotel bed, huh?"

"That. And people talking in the hall, slamming doors in the middle of the night, or taking showers at five o'clock in the bloody morning." Draco rubbed his eyes.

Harry was beginning to wonder if some higher authority had him on her to-do-list today. She seemed to be handing him one opportunity after the other.

"You can stay with me for a couple of days if you like," he said in what he hoped was a casual tone. "Star is going out of town for a week. You can have my room. I'll take hers." And if Draco said yes, Harry thought, he would never ask another favour of whoever was in charge of granting wishes.

Draco blinked, trying to wrap his mind around the possibility that Harry really meant what he had just said, then struggled to maintain a nonchalant expression despite the frantic pounding of his heart.

"She doesn't mind?" Now where the hell had this asinine question come from, Draco wondered. His brain must have fallen asleep when he wasn't looking.

"What? That I sleep in her bed?" Harry grinned. "Why would she? It's not like I haven't done it before."

Well, the answer was no less idiotic than the query, Draco thought, and decided he better accept the invitation before it could occur to Harry that Draco's question could be inter-preted in a slightly different way. He cleared his throat. "Well, if it's not an incon-ven-ience..."

Harry shrugged. "It would be much more convenient than picking you up at the hotel every day." No, that hadn't come out right. "And more fun," he added.

Draco considered this for a moment. "Sounds good," he said airily.

Harry asked himself why he had expected a definite answer.

"I'll take that as a yes," he said dryly, his heart beating so loud, it was a miracle Draco didn't hear it.

oOoOoOoOoOo

"Damn, Harry, look at this!"

The tank was enormous: it reached from floor to ceiling and was about fifteen feet wide. Its inside was painted a deep blue and it was bare of accessories, the only decoration its occupants, who were pulsating in graceful weightlessness, gently moved by the currents, a ballet of shining, pearlescent bodies.

How unfitting that these creatures should have such a mundane name as jellyfish, Draco thought, "medusae" was much more appropriate. He sat down on the bench in front of the tank. The exhibit was ignored by most visitors, who were looking for more colorful fish or those with a more notorious reputation, but to Draco, this serene display was the most spectacular he had seen so far.

He hardly noticed Harry sitting down beside him.

"They're beautiful," Harry said quietly after a few moments and meant it, although he was a little distracted by the fact that Draco had just called him by his given name without a sneer or sarcastic remark accompanying it.

"Aren't they?" Draco smiled, looking enchanted. "If you look at them without blinking for a while, it feels like you're floating."

"Don't tell me you use these for potions, too."

"Not this kind. These are Aurelia aurita. But some medusae have pain-inducing or -reducing properties, such as Chinorex fleckeri or Chiropsalmus quadrigatus. Others cause varying degrees of hallucination, up to the point of insanity, like Velella velella or Physalia physalis."

Harry grinned at the lecturing mode but was serious when he said, "It's too bad there are no aquariums where we come from. You would make a great teacher in a place like this."

Draco looked surprised, then thoughtful. "Actually, that's not such a bad idea. I mean, a place like this."

"Wizard's Water World - WWW." Harry laughed, but of course Draco couldn't catch the pun. He was gazing into the tank and appeared lost in thought.

Harry tried to do the same but found that he could not concentrate. He was too much aware of Draco's presence, although they were not sitting all that close - which, as his treacherous inner voice informed him, was becoming unsatisfactory. He sighed inwardly and stared at the jellyfish, at a loss what to do about the increasing need to get closer to Draco - and worried by how fast he had arrived at this point. Talking was not a problem any longer. By now, he felt certain that he could handle any conversation with Draco, even difficult ones. But the physical urges were a different challenge altogether and would increase exponentially once Draco stayed at his place.

The situation reminded him of the first few weeks of their bond, when the desire to touch had become stronger by the day. Back then, his stubborn refusal to give in to his body's needs had eventually landed them both in "voluntary suspension". Of course, things were different now, but still... He wondered if the same was happening to Draco and wished he could ask him, but that was something even the proverbial Gryffindor courage could not make him do.

And then he thought of the time after the bond had been dissolved; when he had slowly realised that their relationship had not just been based on hormones and a curse but that he genuinely cared about Draco and missed his company. But why? The randy-teenager-part he could comprehend. Once they had started having sex, they had done it whenever and wherever they could, even in empty classrooms or broom cupboards. Harry shud-dered. He definitely didn't miss doing it bent over desks or leaning against a wall in the Quidditch shed. Well, not the discomfort, anyway.

Although, thinking of Quidditch: it had always been brilliant to go down on Draco after a Seeker's Game, when they were both still worked up from flying and from the competi-tion. He wondered if he could do that again and how it would feel. To take Draco into his mouth and stroke and tease with his tongue until Draco had to hold on to whatever was in reach to keep from grabbing Harry's head and shoving down his throat...

And he better not think about this right now. Jellyfish, think about jellyfish, he told him-self, there is nothing remotely arousing about jellyfish. They are slimy and utterly disinte-resting. Unfortunately, "disinteresting" was not enough to get rid of the tightness in his jeans. A more drastic mental image was needed, such as... Hagrid naked on the beach. Yes. That was definitely having an effect. Throw in Snape in swimming trunks and Pro-fessor Sprout in a tutu for comic relief... Okay. Better.

He glanced at Draco who was still gazing into the tank.

The fact that Draco could completely abandon his deeply ingrained self-control when they had sex had always fascinated Harry. It had touched him that Draco would trust him enough to drop all shields; to not worry about appearances; to completely let go. And that was part of why he cared about Draco and why he had missed him for so long: they trusted each other, maybe more than they trusted anybody else. At first, Harry had blamed this on the bond, but when he thought about it, he realised that the bond could only enforce physical closeness. It could not create intimacy or trust or affection or com-panionship. Those had developed by themselves - no, actually, they had built them together, and it had taken a lot longer than starting to have sex.

Much more than a school fling, Star had said, and she was right. Draco, Harry thought, had filled a hole in his life. He treated him in a way that made him feel like... a normal person. Noone special. He didn't try to protect Harry - if anything, Harry had been more protective of Draco during their relationship, much to Draco's annoyance - and he didn't treat him as if he were fragile. Instead, he challenged Harry: in class, on the Quidditch field, and even in bed.

In spite of everything that separated them, they had created something extraordinary, a kind of relationship he'd never had with anybody before or afterwards; a relationship that touched and deeply affected the people around them. And then his thoughts wandered back to their conversation the previous day, when he had wondered what had happened to Draco's old housemates, and realised how isolated Draco must feel without them.

Harry cleared his throat. "Can I ask you something?"

Draco startled a litte. "Sure."

"What are the others doing? I mean Pansy and Blaise and Vincent and Greg."

Draco opened his mouth. Closed it again. "I would have thought you knew what happened to them," he finally said.

"I know what happened to them right after the trials, and I know what happened to their parents," Harry said calmly. "It's been a long time since then."

"The Zabinis are still on the run, I suppose. Every once in a while I get an owl from Blaise, but of course he can never tell me much. The Ministry is still keeping an eye on us. Sometimes I'm surprised that they don't open our mail." Draco furrowed his brow.

"I haven't heard from Greg and Vince in a while. Their parents called them home before our N.E.W.T.s. I doubt that that was a serious interruption of their academic careers, though." He smiled a little. "The last time I heard from Vince, some distant relative of his was trying to get the Weird Sisters to hire Greg and him as bodyguards. That was a couple of months ago. I don't know if it worked out. I hope it did, but I guess it would have been in the Prophet. Maybe they're still working on it."

He looked at his feet for a while, his hair hiding his face, and Harry felt the insane urge to run his hands through those long, soft strands.

"Pansy lives in France with her mother's sister's twice-removed cousin or something like that. Mother invited her to my graduation party in Paris two years ago, but I haven't seen her since. She owls me as often as she can. Apparently, the family is dragging her back and forth across Europe, looking for a husband for her. I just hope they find someone intelligent who can keep her busy. That girl is too smart to end up as a trophy wife." He scowled and fell silent.

Harry nodded, debating with himself whether or not to ask the next question because it seemed a rather insensitive one. But hadn't he thought just a few minutes ago that he could handle any conversation with Draco?

"I always thought your mother would... do something like that for you," he said cautiously.

Instead of the tart reply he expected, Draco made a strange noise that could mean any-thing from annoyance to despair. "Mother would use... any means to improve the Malfoy reputation," he said evasively.

Harry waited a few seconds, but no further information seemed to be forthcoming.

"And does she?" he finally asked, regretting it immediately because he felt his heart clench at the thought that the answer might be yes.

Draco shrugged. "If she does, I haven't heard anything about it."

Harry mentally kicked him. Damn Slytherin games!

"What if she does?"

Draco frowned. "Why are you asking?"

This time it was Harry who shrugged. "Just curious."

"I'll cross that bridge should I ever get there."

Harry decided not to push him and remained silent for a few minutes, staring at the jelly-fish. "Do you want to stay here or shall we continue?" he finally asked.

Draco stood up.

"Let's go."