The Human Condition

Chapter Eight: The Other Side of Janus

Warm sunlight penetrated the drawn curtains, crept across the clean carpet, and climbed up the bed coming to rest on Harry's sleeping face. His eyes were closed and not ready to open, but the simple feeling of sun on his face was enough to draw up the corners of his mouth. He knew where he was now. He was in that place between wakefulness and sleep, the place where dreams ignited. But this wasn't a dream.

The soft and heavy blankets which lay on top of him almost blocked out the other newly awakened sense. The distinct aroma of home cooking was wafting into his nostrils. Eggs, sausage, and buttered toast. Now he smiled fully.

Harry decided to chance it and open his eyes. He was right; it wasn't a dream. The pinkish curtains proved mediocre in their job of blocking out the sun, allowing a small sliver of bright light to hit his face. Harry yawned and stretched, automatically feeling the left side of the bed, which was empty. Of course it was empty, that explained the cooking. Harry rolled over on his back then sat up, taking in a breath of the fresh smell of hot food and laundry detergent.

He swung out of bed and walked into the bathroom. Meeting him this fine morning was his own reflection, which looked much happier now than the last time he'd seen that face. Audrey had been right about his weight, though. He was much thinner and more sallow looking than when he left in December. He also had, which he didn't notice while in St. Mungo's, obnoxious stubble on his face. He frowned at it then went to turn on the water for a shower.

On the shelves were pink shampoo bottles, colorful soaps which smelled too much like perfume, and other assorted items Harry knew did not belong to him. The non-feminine shampoo and conditioner was difficult to find but not impossible. Still, he couldn't help but smile ruefully and shake his head.

After the normal grooming he should have been doing for the past week, Harry dressed then left the bedroom and found himself in the kitchen where Audrey was cooking. She had her back to him as she stirred the eggs in the frying pan. There was music playing from a wireless radio on top of the refrigerator, which provided inspiration for her subtle dancing. She was swaying her hips back and forth. Harry grinned.

It appeared as if she had just recently returned from her regular jog, for she was still dressed in her short blue running shorts and tank top. It was Harry's favorite outfit out of all her clothes.

She turned around to reach for something, and then jumped back when she saw Harry. She clasped her hand to her chest and took in a breath.

"You know I hate it when you do that," she said with a crooked smile. "You scared me to death."

Harry returned the grin then leaned on the wall with his arms crossed. "Sorry," he said. "You pulled out all the stops," he said, nodding casually to all the food.

She tossed some hair out of her face and nodded. "Yeah. Apparently my husband came back and now I have to celebrate his return. I only wish I wouldn't have to celebrate something that simple," she added softly.

Harry lowered his eyes and pushed himself off the wall.

"How did you sleep?" she asked, continuing with her cooking.

"Good," he said. "Good, considering everything," he mumbled.

"You want to talk about it now?" she asked. She pulled down three plates from her cabinet and started setting toast on them. "I'll admit that I'm dying to hear about it all. That is if you want to discuss it right now. I understand if you want to give it time." She looked at him again and passed him another smile.

Harry sighed and sat down at the dining room table. "Do you want the long version or the short one?" he asked.

Audrey started to pile on the sausages now. "Let's go with short right now and long later when we have more time," she said.

Harry nodded and pursed his lips. "The great institution that is the Ministry of Magic believes that I am the one who formed and leads the Black Order, the group of men killing innocent people for no apparent reason. Not only that, but they have formerly charged me for this crime and I am to attend trial on June fourth. From what I can tell, nearly no one thinks I'm innocent. Oh, and I actually met the leader of the Black Order, but no one but me thinks she's real. They think I'm insane," he said flatly, constantly watching Audrey's face go from concerned to frightened. "No one believes me."

Audrey sat down and faced him. "I'm going to need the long version of this, aren't I?" she asked.

Harry nodded. "I suppose. I told the whole story to a shrink for the past few days. Honestly, repeating it won't be an enjoyable experience, even to you."

Audrey bit her to hold back a smile. "I'm sorry," she said, flipping more hair out of her eyes, "you did say 'shrink,' right?"

Harry nodded slightly.

"You talked to a shrink? My Harry and a shrink?" she asked, now beaming and fighting the giggles.

"I'm glad my suffering entertains you," Harry said, but he was grinning with her. "I chased away the first three; they were afraid of me, but the fourth one wasn't going to budge. He was all right, I guess."

"And did he ask you how you felt about stuff? Did he use that question, even?" she asked.

"Once or twice," Harry admitted.

"You didn't tell him things you haven't even told me, have you?" she asked.

Harry shrugged. "I've told you everything," he said.

"No you haven't," she said, then glanced over Harry's shoulder. "We can't talk anymore. No more time."

"Why not?" he asked.

"I think..." she whispered, now clearly looking behind Harry, "that someone else will desire your attention."

Harry watched Audrey's face as he turned his body around in the chair, then allowed his head to follow.

Shuffling into the living room with a soft pink blanket in her small hands was a tiny girl, just a toddler. Her dark hair, like her mother's, was curly at the ends, her small perky nose was snuggled against her blanket, and her pink lips were forming a yawn. She continued into the kitchen, her eyes half open.

Harry stood up and took in a breath. "Hi," he said to her, unsure of her reaction.

The girl snapped her head up then broke her face into a wide grin which crinkled her dark eyes into slits.

"Daddy!" she yelled in a high pitched baby voice. She ran the rest of the way to him, threw her arms wide, and rose into the air as he hoisted her up. She squeezed his neck tight, kicking her legs in excitement.

"Missed you, daddy," she said then kissed his cheek.

"I missed you back, Dana," he replied, with a kiss. As she pulled her face back to look up at him, Harry frowned. "You're so big," he said solemnly. She had grown at least a few inches since the last time he'd seen her. And he couldn't help but feel angry at himself for missing it.

But the news of growth didn't upset Dana. She slipped out of Harry's arms, took his hand, and led him into the living room to a set of hatch marks on the wall.

"I did gwow!" she said, flattening her back against the wall. "See, daddy, see!" she said, pointing to the top of her head.

"You sure did," he said. Audrey came up beside him and clutched his hand.

"Tell him how many inches, sweetie," Audrey said.

Dana held up her two fingers and giggled.

"Wow," Harry said, as he tried to keep his smile up. "That's a lot."

"And she still has more to grow," Audrey added, as if reading Harry's thoughts. "You'll always be around to see it," she whispered to him, staring straight into his eyes. She framed his face in her hands then gave him a quick kiss.

Marc's eyes passed over the same exact sentence for the fourth time that morning. He had to keep reading it because while the words met his eyes, for some reason his brain didn't comprehend the message. The aroma of coffee drifted into his nostrils and stirred up images in his mind--- Harry, to be more exact. He couldn't help but feel as if the answer to his patient's whereabouts was right under his nose...

The door to his office opened; he looked up.

Hermione came inside with a steaming cup of tea and a journal. She sat down in the chair opposite him and crossed her legs.

"Anything?" he asked her.

"No," she said. "I don't really think it's possible to find Harry if he doesn't want to be found. But I've said that already..." she said, opening her journal.

"How is that going to help you?" he asked, nodding to the journal.

"I enjoy writing," she replied as she scanned her pages. "I can write about anything, you know. It's very therapeutic. Harry's a good subject because he's so dynamic. I have some entries about him," she said as she passed the small book to him, "I thought they might help."

Marc scanned the pages then shook his head slowly. "You have an interesting view of Harry, don't you?" he asked.

"What do you mean?" she responded somewhat defensively.

"You find him pleasant to be around and somewhat helpless. He's not. Harry is very twisted."

Hermione snatched the book out of his hands and scowled. "No he's not," she said. "How dare you say that about him."

Marc rolled his eyes and laid his hands on his desk. "He finds amusement in frightening people. He has a number of long and unexplained absences, and he's legally and medically insane."

"No he's not," she said with her lips quivering.

"I think it would be wise of you to consider that Harry is sick and your feelings for him are getting in the way." he asked.

Hermione stood up and looked away.

"You're being naïve, Hermione. Your love for him is blinding you from the truth. Harry is a criminal now; he is not the same person you grew up with as a child."

She bit her lip again and dropped her eyelids. "Love has nothing to do with it," she whispered. "Surely someone of your expertise can recognize someone who needs help. Can't you?" she asked. "I know he's one of those people. But he is not a criminal. He is not a murderer!" she said.

"He may not think he is," Marc replied quickly.

There was a knock on the door. Marc looked away from Hermione's emotional face and answered it.

Ron, who looked tired and weary, came into the office, accompanied by a young woman who Marc assumed was Vanessa Devereaux, as she fit Harry's description perfectly. Ron walked to Hermione and gave her a supportive hug, while Vanessa took a quick look at the contents in the room, then hugged Hermione too.

Ron sat down in a chair and Vanessa conjured one for herself, then sat down next to him. There was complete silence for several minutes as the four of them simply breathed. Ron kept checking Hermione, Hermione kept throwing scathing looks at Marc, and Vanessa was staring at the gold watch on Marc's left wrist.

"Do we have any idea," Marc started, "where Harry might be?"

"Well who have you contacted so far?" Vanessa asked. "Hasn't he met a lot of people in the past few years?"

"Certainly. I know the Hit Wizards have contacted Rourke Everett, one of his friends from Auror training, but he hasn't seen or heard from Harry. He's not at Hogwarts, and for some reason the Ministry feels it necessary to keep watch over number four Privet Drive, which is a complete waste of time. But Harry's life after He-who-must-not-be-named wasn't watched much. That's the reason we have the advantage."

"You think we know more than that?" Ron asked sarcastically. "Harry goes away and we don't know where. He could be halfway across the world and we wouldn't know about it. He doesn't tell us stuff anymore."

Marc drummed his fingers on his desk, as Vanessa was doing. "What about past girlfriends?" he asked. "Didn't he have quite a few?"

"Something like eleven," Ron said, crinkling his nose. "Or twelve. Maybe thirteen..."

Vanessa laughed. "Got around, didn't he?" she asked.

Hermione didn't respond to Vanessa but finally looked in the general direction of the conversation. "Piper O'Connelley was the first girl he dated in training. Then there were a few I never met," Hermione said. "Anya and Julian were some others, but I don't know their last names. Harry had a lot of women."

Marc thought for a moment. "Twelve or thirteen in three years? There was no commitment."

"Well he did date Piper for a few months, but he overheard a conversation she was having with her friends about him. I guess it didn't go well. He never told me what she said," Hermione told him.

Vanessa looked at her briefly then stood up, bumping into Marc's desk as she did so. "Oops. Uh, where's the loo?" she asked. Marc told her. "Thanks," she said and left.

"Why did you bring her?" Hermione sniped suddenly at Ron. "She doesn't know Harry, why is she here?"

"Support," Ron said. "Besides, she's really smart and she might have something to add."

"Smart? What does she do for a living? She hustles people out of money, that's what she does. She probably dropped out of school," Hermione added snottily.

"She finished, and it's not like you need to finish school. Fred and George didn't and they have more money than me or my family ever had."

"Could we focus on the problem at hand?" Marc interrupted. "Your friend Harry, remember?"

Hermione gave Ron a look, and then glanced back to Marc. "We should start with Piper, I guess. She might know the names of the other girls he was with. She might even know where Harry is," Hermione said. "I'll go find her." Hermione pushed herself out of her chair and left.

"We won't find him," Ron said once Hermione was out of earshot. "We won't."

It was now afternoon. Dana was enjoying the remains of a chocolate cake mix which she was licking from the bowl as she sat on the floor. Audrey had pulled her hair back into a pony tail, which was good; it appeared as if most of the chocolate had missed her mouth completely and landed on her cheeks and nose instead.

Harry watched with a smile from a distance, his hands in his pockets. Audrey stood next to him with her arm through one of his. "She is cute," Audrey said. "But I have a bias."

"She looks just like you," he said evenly. "Down to the last dimple."

"And my eyes, unfortunately. I wish she had gotten Aiden's pretty blue eyes. Ah well, better luck next time I suppose," she said lightly, not looking into his face.

Harry pushed himself off the wall and walked outside.

"I can actually hear my biological clock ticking some times, Harry," she said as she followed him out. Harry ignored her and stared into the backyard.

"I forgot how nice it is to see the sun," he said.

"Yes," she said, taking his hand again. "Tick," she said, "tick."

Harry screwed his eyes shut and shook his head.

"Tick."

"No, stop that," Harry said, pulling his hand away from hers. "Stop it now."

Audrey frowned. "No. I want to talk about this, Harry. I'm twenty-nine years old and my childbearing years are limited. I want more children and I want them with you."

Harry stomped away from her and threw his hands up in the air. "Geeze, leave me the hell alone with this! How many times do I have to say I don't want more! I said no, Audrey, NO!" he yelled, casting her a dirty glance.

"Don't you dare," she said silently and eerily soft, "talk to me like that. Apologize to me right now before I leave. Say you're sorry and mean it."

Harry placed his hands on his hips and continued to frown at her. "Sorry," he said insincerely.

"You're amazing, do you know that?" Audrey said. "Why do you come here, Harry? Hmmm? Why do you come back every few months? Do you honestly think Dana and I are just coats hanging in a closet waiting to be used when you need us? Is that how you think of us? Because I have to tell you, I don't appreciate being treated like this. Apologize before I really get angry."

Harry dropped his shoulders. "I'm sorry," he said. "I've had a rough week, okay?"

"It wasn't my fault," she said. "Treat me like you love me."

Harry nodded as he looked down at his feet. "I don't want to think about bringing a child into this world with all the chaos going on in my life right now, that's all," he said.

Audrey nodded and let out a long sigh. "You should have said that instead of blowing up in my face. I can understand that. But you didn't want to talk about it before all this happened, either. I know what you worry about and it's well founded, but you're doing fine with Dana."

"I'm sure I'll screw her up along the way somehow," he mumbled. "I just can't stop thinking about that hearing... I wish I could."

Audrey was about to speak when Dana, covered in chocolate, came running outside with her sticky hands high in the air.

"Done!" she exclaimed.

"Great!" Audrey replied. "Now daddy can give you a bath while mummy goes shopping," she said, winking at Harry.

"YAY!" Dana yelled and she ran back into the house, presumably to get ready for the bath.

Harry whirled around to face Audrey. "I can't give her a bath. You always do that."

Audrey tapped his cheeks with her hands then kissed him. "It's time to remove the training wheels, Harry. She knows what to do. Make sure you get her wet and use soap. Then rinse and dry her. And don't let her run around the house naked even though she'll want to. You'll do fine," she said, and then she walked out of the house, grabbing her purse on the way out.

Harry stood frozen to the spot. A bath? He had helped before, that was all. He stood by and watched to make sure Dana would stay in the tub while Audrey would clean her. He had never done it himself, though.

"C'mon daddy," Dana said as she pulled off her shirt then walked into the bathroom. Harry moved forward after her.

Dana was sitting completely naked in the empty tub awaiting her bath. Harry kneeled down before it then turned on the water. That seemed to make the most sense.

"Cold," she said, her face screwing up.

"Sorry," he said. He placed his hand on the wall and instantly the water was pleasantly warm. "Is that better?" he asked.

She nodded then started to splash herself with water, much of it getting on Harry and the bathroom floor. He grabbed a bottle shaped like a frog and started pouring whatever was in it, in the tub. Harry found out that it made bubbles.

"Now what?" he asked himself.

Dana grabbed a sponge and a bar of soap and handed it to him. "Use dis all ovew me," she said. "Hey," she said, pointing her tiny finger at Harry's head. "What happened?"

Harry wet the sponge and made lather with the soap. "I bumped my head yesterday," he told her. Dana stood up and held on to his hair so she didn't slip as Harry scrubbed her off. He was amazed that she got chocolate on her stomach.

"Did it huwt?" she asked.

"Yeah," he said. "I'll have to be more careful next time," he said.

Then Dana did something he did not expect. With her hands tightly secured to his head, she leaned in closer to him and kissed his forehead very quickly. She pulled back to smile at him and said, "Dewre, awl bettewr," and she sat back down in the tub and played with her rubber duck.

It took a while for Harry to come back to reality. He looked down at her, as she hummed to herself and splashed in the tub, and thought. A huge balloon of some kind of emotion welled up inside him while his eyes fought to hold back a few small tears.

"Can I pway a wittle wongewr?" she asked, submerging her duck and wash cloth.

Harry nodded.

Dana giggled then scooped up some soap bubbles and threw them on Harry's head. Harry took some bubbles and put them on her nose.

She giggled some more then splashed Harry, laughing continually.

Harry was sure Audrey wouldn't allow that kind of behavior... but she wasn't around. He splashed her back. In what turned out to be five minutes of constant splashing which soaked Harry and the rest of the bathroom, Dana emptied her tub and was still fighting with the soapy sponge.

"Okay that's enough," Harry said when he took the sponge away, unable to conceal his smile. "You're mother's going to kill me when she finds out we did this. Let's rinse and get you dried off, okay?"

"Okay, daddy," she giggled, smacking his hair with her soapy hand.

It took them another five minutes to rinse and dry, mostly because Dana continued to play and prove difficult. Once Harry had her wrapped in a towel he carried her to her very pink bedroom and tossed her on her bed, which caused her even more contagious giggles. Harry opened one of her chest of drawers and pulled out an outfit for her, which she put on mostly by herself.

When she gave a big yawn Harry knew it was nap time, Audrey's favorite time of day. She leaned her head on one of her pillows and yawned again.

"Wead me a stowy," she said.

"Which one?" Harry asked her. Dana crawled over to her book shelf and pulled out her favorite story Green Eggs and Ham. Harry sat down on the floor next to her bed and opened the Dr. Seus classic and began to read. He couldn't help but laugh slightly as he rhymed the fake words and heard Dana giggling beside and behind him. But once Harry reached the end and he closed the book, he saw that Dana was fast asleep with her mouth slightly open. He brushed her cheek with the back of her hand then bent down to kiss her.

As he shut her bedroom door behind her, he saw Audrey leaning against the wall smiling at him. She winked and gave him two thumbs up.

"Really?" he asked with a sigh of relief.

"You were great," she whispered, taking him by the hands and leading him outside to the porch.

"You're not just saying that because you think I'm mentally unbalanced?"

Audrey snickered and shook her head. "I don't think you're mentally unbalanced, do you think you are?"

"Of course not," he said to her with half a smile.

"I love it when you're done playing with her. You're always in a better mood." She stuffed her hands in her pockets and beamed at him. Harry knew she had the most beautiful smile in the world.

"She has that effect on people," he told her.

"So now that she's down for a good hour, you want to tell me what happened, like why the Ministry of Magic thinks you're the leader of the Black Order? Because I can't see how they could make that connection. Didn't you say in the letters that Malfoy was part of the Order? That he stabbed you and nearly killed you? Isn't it well known that you detest that family?"

Harry nodded and fidgeted. "Uh huh," he said.

"What do you mean by that?" she asked, narrowing her eyes at him.

"Well that's kinda what I said to Arthur at the hearing yesterday," he answered, then swallowed.

"You're not telling me something," she said. "Harry, I'm not a stupid person. Why do they think you're leading the Black Order?" she asked.

Harry swallowed again, though this time it hurt a little. "They asked me some questions I couldn't really answer," he said, then looked around at all Audrey's flowers in the garden.

"What kind of questions?" she asked.

"The kind they ask at hearings."

"Harry," she said, moving closer to him and pinning him against the wall. "What did they ask you?"

Harry stared into her brown eyes for several seconds. He sometimes thought that Audrey could get so angry that she could shoot laser beams out of her eyes and suck the life out of him.

"They asked," he started calmly, hoping the emotion would pass on to her, "where I would go for great lengths of time," he mumbled, avoiding her eyes at the last moment.

"And what did you answer them?" she asked.

"Er," he said.

"Don't give me 'er' Harry. Please tell me that you weren't trying to protect us again and shot yourself in the foot because of it," she said still getting closer to him.

"What?" he asked.

"Don't change the subject. What did you tell them?"

"I said that I..." he cast his mind out for a lie but nothing came to him. "I said that I..."

"You said what?" she pushed, raising her eyebrows in inquiry. "Just answer the question."

"I-said-I-couldn't-tell-them," he rushed out then screwed his eyes shut.

"You did what?" she asked silently. Sometimes Harry thought she wouldn't be as scary if she just yelled. But she never yelled. "No wonder, Harry. Why couldn't you have told them the truth and ended it all. I am so sick and tired of being the secret wife who only sees her husband once in a great while. Why did you tell them that lie?" she asked.

"Hey, what was I supposed to say, huh? 'Oh that time, well I was with my secret wife and adopted daughter.'?"

"Yes," Audrey replied. "Harry you're digging your own hole, don't you get that? You've made them even more suspicious. How many times do I have to tell you that I hate being shrouded in secret?"

"You know it has to be this way," he said firmly.

"No, you think it does," she said, poking him in the chest. "You're so paranoid."

"Am I?" he asked, raising his voice. "I have to sit down and count, with my fingers, how many times someone has tried to kill me. You think I'm paranoid? You know that the only way you and Dana can stay safe is if no one knows I'm married to you."

"That is paranoia," she said.

"I don't want to have this conversation again," he said, throwing up his hands in frustration.

"Too bad 'cause we're having it," she said back. "I'm tired of it, Harry, truly I am. You have no idea how terrifying it is knowing your spouse has been stabbed in the heart and you can't go into his room and wait by his side. I went to that hospital but I couldn't go in."

"You were there?" he asked angrily. "You went down there? Someone could have seen you, what were you thinking?"

"What was I thinking?" she asked facetiously. "I was thinking I was going to be a widow again, that's what I was thinking. I was thinking I was about to lose the man I loved, how about that? I was thinking my daughter would lose her father. I was thinking I wanted to be with you while you were sleeping. I was thinking of how much I love you and how badly I would miss you! And I didn't care about your paranoia or being seen. I was seen, Harry. I waited in that room to hear what was happening to you. I saw your friends in tears as they awaited the news. But guess what, they got to see you after the Healers worked on you, but I couldn't. Your friends, your friends, who know nothing about your secret life, got to see you before your wife and daughter did. We couldn't see you because you didn't want us to."

Harry closed his eyes and shook his head. "You just don't get it," he said to her. "If someone found out that I had you and Dana, they would use you against me. They would hurt you to hurt me. Don't you understand that?"

Audrey rolled her eyes, her head following the motion. "That's because you're paranoid."

"Am I?" he asked.

"Yes. God, this conversation is going in a huge circle. You remember what I told you when you searched me out three years ago?" she asked, crossing her arms.

Harry also crossed his arms. "You said Dana would always go before me," he answered.

"Yes I did. That's what good parents do, Harry. The lives and welfare of their children always go before their own. Dana's welfare always goes before what I want. Dana needs a father who's around and not secret. She needs someone real who can take her to games and teach her about life. Reading her a story is one thing, but she's three and a half. One day that won't work anymore. She'll grow up and want more from you."

Harry shook his head and clenched his teeth. "I want her to live, Audrey. Isn't it more important for her to live than to have me around all the time?" he asked.

Audrey relaxed her shoulders and smiled thoughtfully, now looking to the wall. "I don't know," she said silently. "What do you think, Dumbledore?"

**

Vanessa was sitting comfortably in her conjured chair, sipping a cappuccino and reading a book. Ron was looking over some notes Marc had given him to read, and the doctor was listening to his tapes.

At four o'clock Hermione came back into the office looking crestfallen. "Nothing. Piper didn't keep in contact with Harry after the break up. Then I tried contacting Rourke Everett, but he's on assignment somewhere. If he knew anything important he wouldn't help us find Harry. I'm sure he thinks the charges are outrageous, too."

"Hey," Ron said suddenly, "why couldn't they just use Veritaserum on Harry at the hearing?"

Vanessa looked up from her book to answer. "Veritaserum isn't really approved for formal hearings. It can be used in an actual trial, but there are conditions under which it can and can't be used. I don't think there is any record of the use of Vertiaserum against an Auror as powerful as Harry. But if they find Harry for the trial, no doubt they will administer it."

Ron looked over at Hermione. "Is that right?" he asked her, to which Hermione nodded.

"They don't use it because there's a good chance that someone tampered with it. It could be a weak mix in which case you do answer the truth, but only to easy questions like 'what's your name?' Or it could be so strong that the drinker is actually horribly confused and just tells everything, even if it's not relevant to the question," Vanessa added.

"Oh," Ron said.

"She's right though," Hermione said, "they will put Harry on it. They just have to find a potions master they can trust. In the mean time," she said, checking her watch, "it's getting late. We've been over everything available to us, which is pathetic considering we're Harry's best friends, and we've found nothing. We're no closer to finding him than this morning."

Vanessa closed her book and sat up in her chair. "Does he have a girlfriend now?" she asked.

Hermione shook her head pensively. "I don't believe so. He said he'd never lie to me and I asked him several times."

"He's not gay, is he?" Vanessa said. "You know, desiring the love of a man to compensate for the absence of a father figure."

Hermione let out a small laugh, as did Marc.

"Good analysis, but he didn't really have the love of a mother for very long either. Besides," Marc said now looking to Hermione, "I got the impression that Harry would frown on that, correct me if I'm wrong, Hermione."

"I never spoke to him about it, but probably. He's not gay," she told Vanessa, but she was still smirking. "He's definitely not gay," she added with a laugh.

"Well from what Ron told me about the Jennifer incident, he doesn't treat women very well. Then there was the thing with beating you up," she said.

Hermione stopped laughing. "That was an accident," she said. "He thought I was someone else. That's kind of why we're here."

"Please, Hermione," Ron said, turning to her. "He's insane, Doctor Simon's said so. There is no Leucosia, it's all in his head. Right Doctor?" he said.

"He's not insane, Ron!" Hermione snapped. "You're just trying to find a good excuse for beating him up to make yourself feel better."

"I am not! He hurt you now you're making excuses for him. 'Oh Ron he just needs our help,'" he said in a girly voice. "Please don't insult my intelligence. He's sick, Hermione. He beat up you and Doctor Simon because he's seeing things that aren't there!"

"What if he is telling the truth? What if this siren woman has set him up and now everything is playing out like she planned?"

"What if he's not, Hermione? What if Harry's finally blown a gasket in his head? What if after the life he's lived he can't take it anymore and he snapped? Harry never left the backyard yet he insists he went somewhere."

Hermione was about to retort when Vanessa made them stop and had them look at Marc, who was frantically searching through his notes.

"Did you find something?" Vanessa asked.

"I think I did," he answered, his face alight with joy. "You're brilliant, Miss Deverauex. It has been right under my nose all along. At Dumbledore's party Ron brought Jennifer and Harry got her so angry that she left. But Harry's not stupid, and while he takes pleasure in getting a rise out of someone, there's always some kind of purpose to it. So why get rid of Jennifer?" he asked with a knowing smile.

Hermione raised her head to look him in the eye. "Because she said Harry was talking to other women," she said slowly.

"No," Marc said shaking his head, "just one other woman. Harry had to make Jennifer Williams so angry that not only would she leave, but she wouldn't want to associate with Ron. The other woman is our answer. And Miss Williams knows what she looks like. You wouldn't want to go and find her, would you Hermione? Tomorrow morning perhaps, so we could start fresh?" Marc asked.

Hermione's facial expression was hard for even him to read. It looked as though she was mildly curious about this mystery woman Harry could be with, but afraid that it might be real. Marc made a note of it when Hermione agreed and departed for home.

Then he rose to shake Ron's hand, who also looked conflicted at the moment. Ron said something about talking to his brothers and sister about Harry, and then he started to leave. Vanessa also shook Marc's had, but tripped and lost balance. Marc stopped her from falling then led her to the door.

"Tomorrow morning," he said to them as he shut the door. "We'll find Harry before they do."

**

The night stars were always brighter when the city lights were far off and unseen. A few crickets were making their nightly symphonies, while several bugs were committing suicide as they tried to penetrate the porch lights. The zapping sound was starting to annoy Harry so he turned off the light.

"You're thinking again," Audrey said from behind him. "You're brooding in silence, aren't you?"

Harry nodded but did not turn around to face her.

"I know you've had a rough year so far," she said, "and I'm sorry if I stressed you out even more. But I do have a child to think about."

"I know," he said. He leaned on the porch railing and plucked a twig from a small growing tree, then transfigured it into a cigarette. He clearly heard Audrey sigh as he lit it up.

"I don't like you smoking, Harry," she said in a much different tone than before. "I liked you as a nonsmoker."

Harry breathed it in anyway and immediately he relaxed and exhaled it out.

"You're addicted to them at this point," she continued.

"You know why I smoke, Audrey," he mumbled. He heard her steps fall behind him then she came to his side. She put an arm around his shoulders and kissed his cheek.

"I know. But the plan was to make it better, not so you would get addicted," she said. She passed her hands through his hair and kissed his cheeks a few more times. Harry shut his eyes and slumped over the banister.

"I'm not addicted," he said.

"Then why are you smoking when you're alone?" she asked softly, snuggling into him now.

"Because I want to. If I wanted to quit, I would, but I don't." He took in one last breath of it then the cigarette vanished into thin air. "There," he said, turning to look at her, "better?"

She caressed the side of his face and stared into his sad eyes. "If you just tell them about us, Harry, then everything will be okay again. We can be a family all the time, not just when you want us. Can't you imagine that?" she whispered, now holding his face in her thin hands. "You come home from work to a house. There's a fire made and your daughter has drawn a stick person picture of the three of us holding hands. She shows it to you then pastes it on the refrigerator. When she's older we can take her to dance recitals then Hogwarts and see her off. And every time you come home from saving the world, I'll be there to hold you, just like this," she said, kissing the shrinking bruise on his forehead. "I'm always afraid," she continued, "that one day your shoulders will collapse under all that weight. You need me to help you. You need Dana and me to help you. How does that sound?" she asked.

Harry slowly shut his eyes and turned his head away. "I can't have that," he said. "I'm afraid someone will hurt you, and I can't handle that. I know my own limits and I couldn't bear to lose you or her. We spent an hour discussing this, I know. But I am afraid. I don't fear my own death, only yours and Dana's."

Audrey did not reply with a retort of some kind, nor did she intend on arguing. "Why are you so confident that we won't be found?" she asked, taking Harry's hand to show she was calm. "Won't your friends wonder why you've lived alone for so long? Won't they question you?"

Now Harry smiled sadly and focused on her hand inside his. "No," he said. He moved his thumb up and down the back of her hand. "They won't."

"Why not?" she asked.

Harry looked up at her with moist eyes, but he did not cry. "They know I'm afraid," he told her in a whisper. "And because of that they're sure that I'll protect myself for the rest of my life. Even if they see me die alone, they'll think that I chose to live that way. That's why they won't find you or Dana, because 'Harry isn't capable of it.' They're sure that I am terrified of losing someone close to me. For the past few years I've been pushing them away, in hopes they would reaffirm that theory. But I can't push them completely. I don't want to lose them too, especially in that way."

Audrey stood up straight and Harry did the same. Then she encircled him in her arms and leaned on him, her lips inches from him.

"So you see," he said to her, "you're safe from the evil out there."

She framed his face with her hands then pulled him closer to her for a kiss. Harry let her do it, but he didn't respond. Audrey, far from being offended, kept trying. She rested her arms around his shoulders and stood on her tip-toes so they were the same height. At first her kiss was soft but then she grew more forceful. Finally, Harry picked up his end and kissed her back. She winced slightly as he did so, as Harry was always rough when he first started.

But in a few moments, he was himself again, though still slightly rough. He pushed himself against her just a little too hard and he had a tendency to bite her lip, though he would sometimes apologize for it. But tonight there wasn't a whole lot of talking. Once they made it into the bedroom and the door was shut, Harry's pent up energy seemed to explode. Audrey was glad that Harry had put several spells, including sound proof ones, on the room.

**

The following morning Audrey was getting out of bed when Harry, laughing, reached out for her and pulled her back in then attacked her with kisses. She laughed loudly and pretended to fight against him (though she wasn't doing well). He pinned her down to the bed and intertwined his fingers in hers, grinning like a fool.

"Gottcha," he said to her.

"Well yeah," she said giggling, "you're stronger than I am. Now kiss me," she commanded him, which he obliged. He released his grip on her then sunk down and pushed his hands behind her back. He could feel her smiling against his lips, which swelled up that balloon in his chest again.

They heard the bedroom door open and saw, once they broke away, Dana making a running jump for the bed. Audrey kissed Harry's cheek then pushed him aside so she could put on a shirt.

Dana headed for Harry first and tackled him the best she could.

"Good Mowning, daddy!" she yelled, smiling from ear to ear. She attached to him like a giant leech and didn't let go. He found himself laughing and hugging her in return. Audrey looked over and grinned, passing her hand through his hair.

"Dana, do you want to go get the newspaper from the owl?" Audrey asked her.

Dana simply nodded, carefully jumped off the bed, and ran out of the room.

"Just one more baby," Audrey snuck in, pinching Harry's cheek. Instead of getting angry like yesterday, Harry rolled his eyes and kissed her again.

Dana ran back into the room with The Daily Prophet in hand. She climbed on the bed then sat in between Harry and Audrey, giving the paper to her mother.

"Wook, daddy," Dana said as she showed Harry a feather. "Da owl dwopped it when it fwew away."

Harry beamed at her. "Wow," he said as he touched it. Dana turned around to show Audrey, but her mother's face was fixed on the front page.

"Daddy's on da papew!" Dana said excitedly. Harry's grin faded fast as he looked to see.

The first thing he noticed was the picture of himself, looking strangely menacing. It was very large and resembled a photo taken of a prisoner, though he knew it was the picture taken for the Ministry's record on him as an Auror. The headline below it made him grateful that Dana was still too young to read.

HARRY POTTER ESCAPES: WANTED BY MINISTRY OF MAGIC FOR CHARGES OF MURDER!

Who would have thought that the vanquisher of He-who-must-not-be-named would have turned to murdering innocent people? Apparently the Ministry of Magic does. According to sources who cannot be named in this article, Harry Potter, 24, was formally charged for leading the elusive group dubbed the "Black Order." In a preliminary hearing held, Potter was "Evasive and incredibly suspicious," says Internal Affairs Officer, Columbus Blair. "We always knew Potter would snap one day," Blair continued. "It was only a matter of when and who the victim would be."

Harry Potter was arrested on assault charges against his long time best friend, Hermione Granger (President of S.P.E.W.). After alleging that he had never attacked her, Potter was secured in a maximum security cell in St. Mungo's so he could receive appropriate psychiatric treatment and questioning.

Though the main details of his temporary incarceration have not been released, the Ministry told The Daily Prophet that Potter is "violent and shouldn't be approached." He escaped from his cell and is still eluding authorities. Anyone with information about Harry Potter's whereabouts is to contact the Ministry of Magic Hot Flu Network.

Potter is not registered as an Animagus, but the Ministry of Magic is not ruling out the possibility that he might be one. Possible animals he could be are: lion, bear, stag, or possibly a bird of prey. If anyone sees one of these animals acting suspiciously, please contact the Ministry of Magic.

Harry Potter has black hair, green eyes, and square rimmed glasses. He is six feet one inch tall, 190 pounds. The Ministry of Magic also released the possibility that Potter might be concealing the fact that he is a Metamorphmagus, in which case he could change his appearance at will.

The rest of the article, continued on many pages, told of Harry's past and called for, "Potter to turn himself in."

Harry looked away from the paper and watched Dana play with the owl feather. Audrey rolled the paper back up and tossed it in the trash, where according to her, "it belonged."

"They didn't even have a counter opinion," Audrey said angrily, getting out of bed and dressing herself. "You need to tell them that you were here all that time they wondered about, not out killing people!" she said.

Harry looked down at his hands. "They suspect me of being a metamorph," he mumbled. "That's not good," he said.

"You can't hide something like that," Audrey replied. "Can't they detect that somehow?" She sighed. "Well, maybe not. You're not very good at it."

"Hey," he said to her, frowning.

"You don't practice enough is all. Why are we discussing this?" she asked. "You need to contact them and tell them about Dana and me," she said. "Then the charges will be dropped."

But Harry didn't move or look at her. He kept watching Dana, who wasn't playing anymore because of the sudden shift in mood.

"What if they suspect the other thing?" he asked. "If they know, it won't matter that I was here."

Audrey shook her head but didn't say anything. She began to pace and continually threw her hair out of her eyes. Eventually she picked Dana off the bed and took her out of the room so Harry could get dressed. But he didn't move when they left. All he could do was wonder.

**

After reading and rereading the article in the paper, Hermione finally got up and stormed out of her bedroom for the kitchen. She poured herself some orange juice and walked back to her room so she could get dressed for the day. She also sent an owl out to Sparks Publishing telling them that she was trying to find Harry. Her employer had no contention with this. When her routine was complete, she headed out for Doctor Simon's office in St. Mungo's.

He was wide awake with a steaming cup of coffee in hand and was, as she expected, reading the newspaper. Hermione walked in without saying hello and dropped into a chair. Without looking up at her to say good morning, Marc pushed a sheet of paper at her.

"What's this?" she asked.

"Jennifer William's address. Would you mind finding her and bringing her in here? I have a feeling she'll respond better to you than Ron, and she doesn't know who I am," he said, still reading the paper.

"Fine," Hermione said casually. She examined the address then popped herself out of his office and appeared outside the residence of Jennifer Williams, a small flat. She knocked a few times on the door and waited.

As she stood there, Hermione mulled over all that Harry had told her. It wouldn't make sense if he was staying with some woman, would it? Harry told her he wasn't dating anyone, and if he was committed to a woman, wouldn't he tell her so? They were best friends after all, weren't they? Harry, Ron, and Hermione; weren't they the inseparable trio of friends?

The flat door opened and Jennifer walked into the doorway.

"Hello, Jennifer," Hermione said, ridding her brain of her thoughts. "Do you remember me?"

Jennifer squinted and bit her lip in concentration. "Aren't you Harry Potter's friend?" she asked.

Hermione smiled and nodded. So she did remember. Would she cooperate was the question. "Yes. Hermione Granger. We met back in November at Dumbledore's birthday party. You were Ron's date."

"Yeah," Jennifer said, stepping out into the hallway as the memory came back to her. "You were dating that good looking Quidditch player. Are you still seeing him?" she asked.

Hermione shut her eyes and waved her hands. "Well sort of, I guess. Anyway, you heard that Harry escaped right?" she asked, trying to keep things focused.

"Yeah," she said with a grin. "They won't find him, but I hope they do. He's a jerk, but a murderer? It'll be an interesting trial," she said.

Hermione liked Jennifer less and less but she tried not to show it. "Yes," she said. "The thing is, Ron and I are looking for him so we can get this all sorted out. We think he might be staying with a woman and you see," she said, placing one hand on her hip, "we think you know who that woman is."

Jennifer's face suddenly broke into happiness. "Oh really?" she asked.

"Back in November you said that Harry was talking to another woman at that Auror initiation party he asked you to?" she questioned.

"Yeah," Jennifer said, nodding vigorously. "You think she's the woman he's shagging now?" she asked.

Hermione's face reddened. "Well I don't know about that, but she might know where Harry is. Do you remember what she looked like?" she asked.

Jennifer nodded again and asked Hermione if she would like her to describe her. Hermione said yes, but asked her to come along so they could formalize everything with magical aid. Jennifer agreed.

At ten that morning Jennifer, Marc, Hermione, Ron, and Vanessa were all packed into a small room with many funny instruments placed on a triangular desk. Jennifer was seated on the hypotenuse of the table while everyone else stood around her. Marc placed a small silver triangle on Jennifer's temple, which he said was to help her remember and pinpoint the real physical features of this mystery woman. Directly in front of Jennifer, placed on the desk, was an oval shaped frame, only there was nothing in the frame.

"All right Miss Williams," Marc said as he set up everything on the desk, "I'm going to ask you some questions about her appearance and your memory of her will slowly begin to appear on this screen. Do you understand?" he asked, pulling up a chair along side her.

"Yeah," she said, resting her hands on the table.

"Let's begin then. I want you to concentrate hard on her face. You said you only saw her for a moment or two because you were angry with Harry for speaking to her. I want you to forget about him completely and build the scene around you." He watched the screen appear. It was quite blurry but there were shapes taking place.

"Isn't there a faster way to do this?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes, but you don't want us to see the memory directly, remember?" Marc said. "Extracting it would be fine, but you don't want to do that, right?"

Jennifer laughed and nodded. "Too right. I don't want you snooping around in my head."

Marc lowered his glasses and pinched his nose. "That's why we're doing this. Now could you please concentrate on this woman?"

Jennifer looked back at the screen and waited for Marc's next question.

"You're at the party and you see Harry talking to a woman. What color hair does she have?" he asked.

Two blurry but solid figures appeared on the screen, one of a man and another shaped like a woman.

"Dark brown I think. And it was short. It was cut just above her shoulders and right below her jaw line," Jennifer said. Marc jotted down the note and the screen showed the woman with hair Jennifer had described.

"Walk closer to her, Jennifer," he told her. The picture on the screen became clearer and the image of the woman sharpened up dramatically.

"Her eyes," Marc said, "what color were they?"

"Brown. She had perfect teeth, and a super model figure," Jennifer added on her own. Now the woman on the screen was perfectly clear and everyone in the room stared at her beautiful face. "She was older than Harry. She had to be twenty-five or so."

Marc stared at her then pushed a button on an instrument which would search out that face.

"I remember her so clearly because I saw her face in the newspaper," Jennifer said.

Marc nearly snapped his neck by turning his head so quickly. "She was in the newspaper?" he asked. "Do you know her name?" he asked.

"Sure," Jennifer said. Everyone in the room let out exasperated sighs. "Well you only said you wanted me to describe her to you," Jennifer said nastily at all of them.

"What's her name?" Marc asked eagerly.

Jennifer sat back in her chair and smiled. "Wyatt. Audrey Wyatt. She's a widow. Her husband Aiden Wyatt died from some kind of virus."

Marc sat up and looked around at the others. "Ron," he said, "could you find out where Miss Wyatt lives?" he asked, then looked back to Jennifer. "Thanks for your help. Is there anything else you want to tell us?" he asked.

"I hope you find him," she said, then she left without a goodbye.

"What a pleasant girl," Vanessa said sarcastically. "Are you okay, Hermione?" she asked, for Hermione was looking white in the face.

Hermione nodded then sat down while Ron and Marc left the room to find this Audrey woman. She hadn't known Vanessa for very long so she wasn't real keen on telling her what her real problem was, even if she had one. In all honesty Hermione wasn't sure what she was feeling, but she knew it wasn't happiness.

"You love him, don't you?" Vanessa asked suddenly but not in her usual manner. She sat down beside Hermione and smiled kindly at her.

"What?" Hermione asked breathlessly.

"You love Harry, right?" she asked.

"Why would you ask me that?" Hermione inquired.

Vanessa grinned and pulled her long black hair behind her. "Your cheeks glow pink when his name is mentioned," she stared. "You defend his behavior even though it's wrong. You believe him even though you haven't heard what he has to say directly, and now that there's a possibility that Harry might have someone else, you look ready to cry," she said.

Hermione stared into her dark eyes and opened her mouth to counter Vanessa, but couldn't.

"There's nothing wrong with loving him," Vanessa added. "There really isn't. You shouldn't be ashamed of it, Hermione. He struck me as someone who needed more of it, you know?" she said, continuing to smile kindly at her.

Marc and Ron came back into the room holding a small slip of paper.

"Did you find her?" Hermione asked.

"Yep," Ron said with a nod.

"I think you and Ron should pay her a visit. The moment anyone outside Harry's circle of friends starts to question her, she'd get defensive. Remember, the only thing we know is that she talked to Harry at that party. Don't start accusing her of doing anything else or knowing anything else about Harry."

Hermione made a casual gesture to Marc and took the slip of paper in Ron's hand. She stared down at the name and address, written in Ron's untidy scrawl, and traced her fingers over it. Audrey Wyatt. A beautiful woman, probably sophisticated, with possible knowledge of Harry...

"Good luck," Vanessa said. She kissed Ron's cheek and squeezed Hermione's shoulder and winked at her. "I hope you find what you're looking for."

**

The Wizarding Wireless Network was just like any other radio station one might find on a Muggle radio. Occasionally music would be played, though advertisements were more frequent, talk show hosts would give their opinions about current events, and the news was played at the top of the hour. Audrey would usually leave the radio on so she could hear everything offered, even a few advertisements. But today she had to turn it off. No music was played, no advertisements were put on, and the talk show hosts had taken over the news. But the news didn't just come on at the top of the hour. The news was on twenty four hours this day and it all concerned Harry.

How anyone could talk about Harry constantly for so long was beyond the Potters comprehension, as there really wasn't much news to report. The hosts would have to keep repeating themselves, usually rearranging their sentences, and act as though new news had come in, though it hadn't. When Dana began to listen in with her parents, Audrey turned it off then began to bake.

"You made a cake yesterday," Harry said from the dining room table as Audrey drew out one of many cookbooks.

"I know that," she said coolly as she ran her finger down the pages.

Audrey had been frosty all morning after Harry repeated his position on telling the Ministry about his secret family. He told her she didn't understand the stakes, and she told him he was paranoid. Harry made the horrible mistake of bringing up the fact that the conversation had been discussed over a hundred times, then Audrey shut him off.

"How long are you going to be mad at me?" he asked.

"I'm not mad," she said in the same cold tone as she slammed her ingredients on the counter.

"Of course not," he told her. "What are you, then?" he asked.

Audrey snapped her head around to stare at him. "What do you think, Harry?" she asked. "Use the brain God gave you."

"I can't tell anyone about you until I kill Leucosia, okay? You don't know how powerful she is, you really don't. She could pop the Black Order right into this house and kill both of you. You think I want that to happen?" he asked.

"That's not a good reason, Harry. You told me all about that woman, remember? You said she already knows about us because she can see inside your mind. So what's the difference, Harry? If you tell the Ministry that the place you have been going to in the times of question is here, they'll drop the charges."

"No they won't," Harry said. "Not if they know everything."

And for the second time that morning Audrey clenched her teeth and didn't respond to him. It took her several seconds to make a sound.

"So what will you do?" she asked him, pouring flour into the bowl. "Are you going to stay here in hiding for the rest of your life?"

Harry shrugged his shoulders then looked back at Dana who was frozen in the middle of the floor. He smiled at her and beckoned her to him. She stepped forward a little then broke out into a run. Harry scooped her up and hugged her tightly.

"I wuhve you, daddy," she said into his ear.

Harry closed his eyes and leaned his head on hers. "Right back at you," he said. Audrey faced him again, then shook her head as if she didn't know what to do next.

"Awre you and mummy going to stop fighting?" Dana asked loud enough so Audrey could hear.

Harry cast a quick glance at Audrey and tried smirking at her, but Audrey looked away.

"Yeah," Harry said.

There was a knock on the door. Audrey stopped measuring flour and looked to Harry, who was now staring at her.

"Can I get it?" Dana asked.

"No," Harry said. He got up, Dana still in his arms, and walked over to the door to look through the peep hole. The distorted image that faced him caused his heart to quicken.

"Shit," he said.

"Dat's a bad wowrd!" Dana told him. Harry whipped around to face Audrey.

"What is it? What's wrong?" she asked.

"Ron and Hermione," Harry said. "They found me. How did they do that?"

"Open the door and tell them the truth!" she snapped, reaching for the door handle. Harry tore her hand away from it and clenched on.

"NO!" he whispered forcefully. "I'll hide in the attic until you get them out of here. We'll talk about it later, okay?"
"No it's not okay, Harry. We have talked about it."

"They don't know about---"

"Harry that's right, they don't know. You said Clarice would never give you away, so don't worry about it."

"But they know I'm a metamorph so they'll eventually figure me out!"

"Harry, the people outside are your friends. Can't you tell them that I'm your wife?" she asked.

"Not right now. Please don't tell them!"

There was a second knock. Audrey stared into his eyes and bit her lip.

"Please, Audrey. I promise one day the truth will come out, one day soon. But it can't right now. I have to get this settled first, okay? Please do this for me. Don't tell them, please!" he said, squeezing her hand.

Audrey stared into his eyes then rolled her own and shook her head. "Fine. Get up in the attic and be quiet. You should be glad I love you so much," she added.

"Thanks," he said. He kissed her cheek and, with Dana in his arms, ran down the hall, into the laundry room, and up into the attic. Audrey waved her wand around to get rid of anything of Harry's for the moment, then opened the door.

"Hello. May I help you?" she asked.

Hermione and Ron both smiled and nodded.

"Yes. I'm Hermione Granger and this is my friend Ron Weasley. You're Audrey Wyatt, correct?" she asked.

"Yeah," Audrey said. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

Hermione paused and took a moment to stare into her face. She was a beautiful woman, as Jennifer's memory had shown. Her short brown hair was very shiny, with a few gray ones shown without shame. She was thin but not skinny, tall but not giant, and appeared kind. But most of all she was familiar now. Hermione had seen her before.

"We're looking for Harry Potter," Ron said after Hermione said nothing.

"The two of you are looking for him?" Audrey asked as her eyebrows rose. "I thought you had to be more equipped for that kind of thing."

"He's my best friend. We were in the same house and year at Hogwarts." Ron looked over at Hermione for support.

She pulled herself out of her reverie and spoke. "You met Harry at the Auror initiation party in 2001, didn't you?" Hermione asked.

Audrey swallowed but nodded. "Sure. We talked a little about this and that."

Hermione smiled. "Can we come in, Mrs. Wyatt?" she asked.

"Well the house is kind of a mess," she said, looking into her kitchen, "but I suppose for just a little while..." She opened the door and allowed Hermione and Ron inside. Hermione instantly began searching around, but was slightly disappointed. There were all kinds of toys and children's clothes strewn all over the house, but no sign of Harry. Audrey sat down at her dining room table and signaled for Ron and Hermione to do the same.

"Did you keep in contact with Harry after the party?" Hermione asked.

"No," Audrey said. "We just talked a little while, about nothing important, then I had to leave. I was asked to go with my friend, otherwise I would have never been there. I had a small baby at the time. She's still small, of course, but can take care of herself more now," she said nervously. She didn't like how Hermione kept peering around.

"You made his date very jealous," Hermione said. "She told us about you. Apparently there was enough attraction from Harry's end that she felt threatened by you."

Audrey rested her hands on her lap. "That's flattering," she said softly. "But I haven't talked to him since that party."

"Why were you at the hospital on Christmas Eve?" Hermione asked abruptly.

Audrey's heart stopped. "Why do you ask?"

"That was the day Harry was admitted. I remember now, seeing you there with your daughter. You looked very upset. Remember that? You came over to our group and stayed with us until we heard Harry would be all right. Why were you there?" she asked.

Audrey crossed her arms and leaned back in her chair. "My boyfriend," she started, her voice shaking. She folded her hands nervously. "He was a Healer. I went to see him on Christmas Eve, but when I went into his office I found him shagging some blonde. That's why I was crying. When I left in a rage that's when the action started. I saw Harry being wheeled in and was interested, I suppose. It was a distraction and so surreal. I had talked to him, you know? I'm the kind of person who likes to help, too. I wanted to offer my support," she said at last. She couldn't help but smile a little at the success of her lie.

Hermione now looked very sorry that she had asked. "Oh," she said, looking nervously around at Ron. "We thought you might have..."

Audrey raised her eyebrows again. "Oh my," she said, "you thought I was involved with him? He's kinda young, isn't he?" she asked.

Hermione's head fell so that now she had only her folded hands to stare at. "I suppose he is. Sorry to have bothered you." She pushed herself out of the chair then walked to the door, pulling Ron with her.

"I'm sorry I couldn't help you," Audrey said sincerely. She opened the door and let them out.

"It isn't your fault," Hermione said with a relieved smile. But it didn't last long. As she looked back at Audrey she noticed a jar of peanut butter in the kitchen. "Peanut butter," she said breathlessly. Audrey whipped her head around to look at it.

"I'm making cookies," she lied again.

"Right," Hermione said. She backed out of the house with Ron then caught a glimpse of Audrey's wedding band. "Right," she repeated. Ron grabbed her and pulled her out of the house so Audrey could close the door. Audrey continued to watch Ron and Hermione through the peephole. They appeared to be discussing something in hushed tones then they Disapparated. Audrey sighed a breath of relief, for some reason, then got Harry and Dana from the attic.

"Well?" Harry asked her.

"Apparently you have a powerful influence over me," she said. "I lied good."

Harry beamed. "They bought it?" he said, letting Dana down. She ran out of the room making loud, excited noises.

"Hook, line, and sinker," she said. "So when are you going to tell them?" she asked.

Harry squinted into her eyes then shook his head. "What aren't you telling me?" he asked skeptically.

Audrey sighed and shut her eyes. "Hermione saw the peanut butter and my ring," she said. "I'm not that sorry about it," she added.

"Shit," he said again. "How could you leave your ring on?" he asked, his voice rising.

"Because I'm married to you all the time, not just when I want to be," she told him. "And while we're discussing the matter, I would really appreciate it if you could act civil. I'm getting tired of being the referee and coach. I haven't done anything to deserve the behavior I'm getting from you. You don't need to raise your voice at me, you don't need to yell at me, and you certainly don't need to look at me with such anger on your face. I did my best to protect you out there, so the very least you could say is 'Audrey, thanks a lot for lying on my behalf, especially when you think it's such a rotten idea.'"

Harry dropped his shoulders and let out a breath. "I'm sorry," he said.

"Thank you," she replied.

"Thank you for lying for me," he said.

"You're welcome. I don't want to fight with you anymore so I don't want to talk about it again. You know my opinion and I know yours. There really isn't much point in continuing it." She started out of the room when Harry grabbed her hand.

"Now what's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said dully.

"You're lying again," he said to her, trying to make it sound light.

"You're good at detecting that, aren't you?" she said.

Harry clenched his teeth and screwed his eyes shut. "What do you want from me, huh?" he asked.

"A happy marriage," she answered.

Harry swallowed. "I'm sorry you married a prick like me, then," he said.

"Don't do that," she breathed. "Why do you always have to turn it around? I shouldn't be the one feeling bad, here. All I'm asking for is better treatment from you, that's all. Can't you accept that at face value?"

Harry stared at her but without appearing confrontational or menacing.

"Treat me like you love me," she said. "Could you do that? Can you treat me as good as you do Dana?" she asked. "You used to. You used to smile all the time when you were around me. You used to be happy and you know what? I liked you better that way. I understand you're under a lot of stress, but I'm not the cause."

Harry rubbed the back of her hand with his thumb. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

Audrey nodded and sighed, then wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tight, which he thankfully returned. "You know I love you, right?" she said in his ear.

He nodded.

"Good," she said. "Because I do. I love you so much, Harry. So very much. I miss you when you're gone and I hate fighting with you." She kissed his cheek then continued to hug him.

Harry closed his eyes and rested the side of his head on hers. His breathing steadied and his muscles relaxed. Audrey pulled back so she could stare into his eyes and touch foreheads.

"We'll get through this," she told him, caressing the sides of his face. "We'll be strong. One step at a time, right?" she said with that smile he loved so much. "One step at a time."

Harry smiled back and ruffled her hair with his left hand. "Is it possible to take two steps at a time?" he asked quietly.

Audrey laughed. "Yeah," she said. "It's called a jump."

Harry beamed. "Right. I'm sorry I'm such a jerk," he told her. "I don't want to be."

"I know you don't mean it, but you are sometimes. Well, a lot of times," she admitted.

"So we're good now, yes?" he asked.

"Yes," she said. She strategically placed her hands on his head then kissed him longingly. She hooked her leg around him and waited for him to pick her up, which he did. Then he carried her back to the bedroom, tripped on a stray blanket and fell on the bed, Audrey laughed hysterically as she looked down on him. "That was graceful," she giggled.

"I planned that," he said.

Her hands quickly found the edge of his shirt and she pulled it up over his head.

"Where's Dana?" he asked, sitting up slightly as if expecting her to walk into the room.

"Watching the tele. Her favorite show is on right now. I bet if you concentrate hard enough you can raise the volume," she said in a low sexy voice.

"It's done," he said with a smile.

"And the door," she said, looking to it. "What about---"

The door shut peacefully as Harry glanced at it. "Total privacy."

"Perfect," she said then kissed him deeply.

**

Ron told Marc everything, which wasn't much. Hermione sat in the chair and continued to think about the peanut butter and the ring. At first she had justified the ring to herself. Audrey was a widow who loved her husband very much. But if she had moved on and was dating again, like she said, wouldn't she remove the ring? Either she was remarried, which Hermione didn't want to consider, or she was lying about the boyfriend, which also wasn't a good sign.

When Hermione went home and began cleaning her house, a number of other suspicious circumstances popped into her mind. Harry was always so grouchy when he would return from his long absences and grow excited before leaving for them. Harry had stopped dating after Jennifer---when he met Audrey. He didn't pursue women or even take a second look at them...

Then Hermione thought back to when she was reading to him in the hospital. When Harry awoke he called out a name, but it was muffled and hard to understand. She had thought, until now, that Harry had called out to her. But the more she replayed the sound in her head, Hermione was convinced that he said, "Audrey."

A week after that, after sharing stories with him, Hermione went to kiss him, but he turned away... He didn't want to kiss her. He didn't want to and couldn't for some reason.

Hermione lay awake as her mind raced around for more circumstances... On Christmas Eve Tonks asked Harry where he was that day, and he said he was home. But when did Harry ever call his apartment 'home'? He always referred to it as 'his place' or 'his apartment' but never home.

Hermione rolled on her side and stared at the clock on her bed-stand. There was a sinking sensation growing in her gut. She felt like she wanted to cry, but she stopped herself. She moved her eyes to a portrait of Luke. He was handsome, intelligent, kind...

She sighed and shut her eyes.

**

Harry was up early the next morning. Audrey and Dana were both still asleep. The sun had yet to rise. He sat alone at the table with the radio turned on. The talking heads were saying that by Harry remaining elusive and in hiding, he was only making himself look guiltier. The hosts also brought in an attorney who said that he could use that point in court, if he needed.

Harry Potter was hiding, and probably hiding something.

He wanted so badly to tell the truth, but it couldn't be that simple. Leucosia knew all of Harry's secrets, that was certain. She had worked long and hard to bore into his mind and find everything she needed to corner him. Not only that but she made sure that the public would fry Harry.

But hiding only made him appear guiltier.

Leaving would mean abandoning Audrey and Dana again. He hated to leave them alone and he hated being without them. What if he was convicted and he never saw them again? Dana would grow up without him and Audrey would pine for Harry as he rotted away slowly, hero of the world.

But hiding...

If he turned himself in, if he showed that he wasn't afraid of the trial, that might be better than hiding out. He could still write to Audrey and Dana...

Harry heaved a sigh and wiped his eyes. He had made his decision. He got up and went into his bedroom, where Audrey was still sleeping. He crawled on the bed and put his arm around her.

"I love you," he whispered, kissing her.

She smiled but didn't open her eyes.

"I'm sorry I don't say it enough," he said. "But I do. I love you."

She opened her eyes a little then started to sit up, but he pushed her back down. "What's wrong?" she asked.

"I have to turn myself in," he said, then continued before she could interrupt. "I have to or they'll think I'm guilty. I'll write you, okay? I promise I won't let them put me away and yes," he started, "I'll get around to telling them the truth. Just let me do this alone, all right? I can handle this."

Audrey's face read concern but she didn't complain. She understood him.

"Be careful," she said, a few tears in her eyes.

"I will. I'm missing you," he told her. She hugged him then gave him a long kiss.

"I love you, Harry. I'll always love you."

"Thank you," he said. He rolled out of bed then walked across the hall to Dana's room. Dana was awake and coloring in a book with a few crayons at once. "Hey," Harry said to her with a sad smile.

"Good mowning, daddy," she said in her toddler voice.

"Good morning," he returned. He sat across from her and watched her. "You know that I love you, don't you?" he asked. He choked back his emotions and fixed his eyes on hers.

"Yeah," she said.

"Good," he said. "I have to leave again, just for a little while," he said.

Dana looked up. She stopped coloring and stared right into his eyes.

"I'll be back real soon," he told her. "I have some... some adult business to attend to. I just wanted to say goodbye."

"No," she said and began to cry. She dropped her crayons and walked over to him so he could pick her up. "Don't go," she wept.

Harry hugged her and felt his own lip tremble. "I don't want to, but I have to. I'll come back soon and read you a story, okay?" he asked.

Dana stopped hugging him to rub the tears out of her eyes.

"I'll be back soon, I promise," he said. He kissed her forehead and tickled her stomach so she smiled a little. "Be a good girl for your mother, okay?" He set her down then stood up to leave, but Dana grabbed his hand. "What is it?" he asked her gently.

Dana pulled a simple rubber band out of her pocket, kissed it, and put it on Harry's wrist. "I wuve you, daddy," she said.

Lips vibrating, Harry picked her up and hugged her tight as his tears slowly leaked out of his eyes and dripped down his face. "I promise I'll see you soon," he told her. "I promise." Harry set her down then turned away and left the room. He couldn't fight the tears as they flowed freely from his eyes, nor did he want to. He deserved this feeling for abandoning them.

"Here goes nothing," he said, then Disapparated from his home.

He reappeared in his apartment, which was desolate, cold, and void of all life. The black furniture, looking new and unused, shone in the growing sunlight, but it still managed to appear chilled. Harry was sure that the silence would damage his ears. He walked down the hall and into his bedroom, which was nearly empty. His punching bag was gone, his desk was cleared of everything, his filing cabinets were missing, even Hedwig's perch was absent.

Harry walked back down the hall and hung a right into his library. All his books were gone. Even the dust on the shelves had disappeared. But the shiny black cabinet hadn't been disturbed, which he was thankful for. He walked over to it and leaned his head on it.

Then he heard pounding, as if someone was walking. He heard voices he recognized.

"They took everything, you said?" Hermione asked.

"Just about," Marc replied.

"How are we supposed to find Harry if the Ministry has all the clues?" Ron asked.

Harry turned to face the doorway to the library and he watched the three of them walk into it.

Hermione gasped, Marc's jaw dropped, and Ron stepped back and partially covered Hermione. All three of them stared at him as if he was a ghost.

"Harry," Hermione said breathlessly, holding her hands to her chest.

He smiled feebly at her and was about to walk toward her when he suddenly remembered that his wedding ring was still on his left hand. He kept it on one side of the cabinet so they wouldn't see.

"Hi," he said.

"We've been looking all over for you," Hermione said. Ron and Marc continued to stare.

"You found me," he said. He looked down at the rubber band on his wrist and fought back his tears.

Then Marc found his voice. "You have to turn yourself in."

Harry looked up at him and nodded. "I know. That's the only reason I came back. But I won't let them lock me up again." He bit his lip and shuffled his feet. "I need an attorney."

"I know a few," Marc said to him. "I can get you in touch with them."

"Thanks," he said. The three of them still stared. Harry placed his hand on the cabinet, looked away from his friends and whispered the password. The cabinet opened slightly and Harry inserted his left hand inside and slid off his ring, then shut the cabinet door. Then he started out, but Ron took another step in font of Hermione, clearly protecting her. Harry cast his eyes downward and walked out of the room as the other three followed him.

Suddenly Harry's door burst open as six Hit Wizards barged in, wands pointed at his chest. Harry raised one hand and said, "Tranquilte," and a clear barrier was made. The Hit Wizards tried penetrating it, but couldn't.

"Lower this shield!" one of them commanded.

"No."

"You are under arrest. We have to take you back---"

"I'm not going anywhere. Get Arthur Weasley over here so I can negotiate with him." Harry watched them do nothing then he cocked up an eyebrow. "Get the Minister. Please," he added.

Then the one person Harry didn't want to see strolled in as if he owned the place.

"The antagonist returns," Columbus Blair said. "Up to your old ways, Harry?" he asked.

"I won't discuss anything with you," Harry said calmly. "I want to talk to Arthur about this."

"You had plenty of time to talk at the hearing, Harry," he said. He meandered over to Harry's shield and pressed his hand against it. "Strong magic. I hope it's not illegal."

"Get Arthur now, Blair. I need to discuss my arrangements prior to the trial."

"How about prison?" Blair said. "Need I remind you that you are charged with murder?"

"No," Harry said. "But I'm not going to prison for something I didn't do. Now please get Arthur before I lose my temper."

"What are you going to do, Potter? Beat Miss Granger into submission again? Maybe you'll kill Weasley's son just for the hell of it." He paced back and forth like a hungry tiger as he stared in Harry's eyes. "You're in a sticky position."

Harry looked away from him and concentrated on keeping the shield up. Luckily Arthur came through the door a few seconds later.

"You're back," he said.

"That's right," Harry said. "I came back for the trial. I'm not going to await it in prison, though. And I can't go back to St. Mungo's. That place was making me insane."

Blair chortled. Harry tried ignoring him.

"Harry," Arthur said in a defeated tone, "murder suspects have to be watched constantly, you know that."

"So let me stay here," Harry said.

"That's ridiculous," Blair chimed in. "He can orchestrate his crimes from here. You cannot remain in this apartment while awaiting trial!"

Arthur turned his head to face Columbus and glared. "The last time I checked, Arthur Weasley, not Columbus Blair, was Minister of Magic." He turned his attention back to Harry and sighed. "I don't think I can do that."

"Can't you put me under house arrest?" Harry asked. "Doesn't the fact that I came back signify that I'll stick around for the trial? I'm not guilty of anything, Arthur. I'll stay for the trial."

Arthur was clearly considering it. He stared at Harry and rubbed his chin pensively. "You're a flight risk," he said, "but you did come back. You'll have to wear a tracer amulet so we know where you are at all times, and if you remove this one, we'll know about it."

"Fine," Harry said with a sigh of relief. "I'll do it."

Blair made an indignant noise that Harry desperately tried to ignore. Harry brought down the shield, but kept up his guard. One of the wizards approached Harry and gave him a ring with a red gem set in the center.

"Thank God it doesn't require a needle," he mumbled to himself as he put it on. "There. Done."

"Get an attorney, Harry," Arthur said. Then he gathered everyone around and had them leave, Blair included. Harry was left alone with Marc, Hermione, and Ron, who remained silent until Harry faced them again.

"That was a bit anticlimactic," Harry mumbled. "I expected more of a fight."

They didn't say anything.

"Hermione," he said gently, gazing fixedly into her eyes, "I am so sorry. I would never want to hurt you and it kills me knowing that I did. I'm so very sorry."

Hermione swallowed hard and nodded. "That's all right," she said.

"No it isn't. I'll get to the bottom of this, I swear. I won't hurt anyone again, I promise you. And I'm also sorry for attacking you, Doctor. You're not my favorite person in the world, but I never wanted to attack you. Well, perhaps subconsciously, but I would have never done it purposefully."

Marc said nothing but nodded.

"I didn't kill anyone, I swear," Harry started. "And I did not form, start, participate in, lead, or do anything concerning the Black Order. I have nothing to do with them other than trying to stop them. I'm being framed for this so Leucosia can get me out of the way. I know you think I'm delusional, but I'm not. I saw her with my own eyes and heard her with my own ears. This isn't the first time the public hasn't believed me about an enemy, you know that. That's why she knows it will work this time. You have to believe me."

None of them said anything but looked around at each other.

"Where were you, Harry?" Ron asked a few seconds later.

Harry swallowed. "Elysium," he mumbled, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

Ron furrowed his brow and looked to Hermione, but she was staring at Harry.

"You look much healthier," she said to him. "It must have been nice where you were. But I suppose that's why you title it as such. You said to me once that you would never lie to me, and I believe you. But we've spent days looking for you, Harry. I'm convinced you're a Janus." She continued to peer into his eyes.

Ron threw his arms down. "Elysium and Janus? Why can't we speak English, here? Harry, where were you?"

Harry didn't answer.

"Janus has two faces, Harry," Hermione continued. "Do you have two separate lives?"

Harry's heart began to hammer as a new thought entered his mind. If he kept his marriage secret, a good thing, would they suspect him of other secrets? Hermione was smart and quick so certainly she would pick up on stuff the others wouldn't notice. Then again she did believe him---always had.

"A separate life?" he asked her.

"One you don't tell us about. The life you leave for," she said. "We deserve the truth, Harry."

Harry shut his eyes and nodded.

Hermione took in a breath. "Your home. That life is your home, isn't it?"

"Yes," he said.

"And what does that include, Harry?" Ron asked. "What secrets do you keep there?" he asked. Harry didn't like his tone, but if the situation were reversed Harry expected that he would act the same way.

"I only kept it a secret because I was afraid something horrible might happen," Harry started. "You have no idea how long or how bad I've wanted to tell you. But can you blame me? The moment something good starts happening to me, it's yanked away. I can't have that happen again. You have no idea how horrible it is."

Then Hermione puffed up her chest and took in more steady breaths. "Are you married?" she asked. It sounded as if the sentence took days to ask, but before she knew it the question had been asked.

Harry swallowed hard and moved his eyes away from hers. Audrey would want Harry to tell them, to get it off his chest so at least they would believe him. He had to tell them the truth, especially now that they'd asked him point blank. But this was his secret. It was his life. But he couldn't lie about it. Eventually, he knew, they would find out, so what would be the point of lying? Why didn't he just let them find him with Audrey the day before?

"Yes," he told her.

Hermione bit her lip and looked up at the ceiling. Neither of them appeared very surprised, but at the same time managed to look shocked. Harry couldn't figure out how anyone could have those two emotions at the same time.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Ron asked, now appearing wounded.

"I wanted to," he said. "I wanted to so bad, Ron. You have no idea how much I want a normal life. I just can't help thinking that something horrible would happen to them if the world knew."

"Them?" Marc said.

Harry rolled his head down.

Hermione's mouth hung open a little. "You have a baby?" she asked.

Now Ron looked like he had just been diagnosed with a terminal illness.

Harry knew Audrey would beam once he told he had confessed. "She's three and a half," he said. "But she's not biologically mine. Her real father died three years ago. I adopted her just after I got married," he said.

"Which was when?" Hermione asked with a shaky voice.

"Coming up on a year ago," he said.

"You spent Christmas Eve with them?" Hermione continued, her voice quaking worse.

"Yes," he said.

"Is it Audrey Wyatt, Harry? Is she your... your wife?" she asked, her eyes moistening.

"Yes," he said. "She wanted to come clean, too. I think that's enough," he said, looking around at them. "I want to be left alone. I need to contact an attorney, so if you could leave me with some names, Marc, I'd really appreciate it. I'm sorry I didn't tell you about her," he said to Ron and Hermione. "Please don't pass the information on, though. I don't want the press to bother them. Okay?" he asked.

Ron and Marc both nodded to him and Harry was sure they would keep to their word. Hermione, on the verge of tears, also agreed to the secret. Then they left after Marc recommended a few lawyers.

Ron went back to work with a feeling he wasn't familiar with. Marc went back to his office to look over some records of a few new patients. Hermione went home, sunk down in a corner of her house, and concentrated on keeping calm. Harry sat down at his table and wrote out letters to the attorneys. He wished his life hadn't come to this. He wished more than anything that he could look up and see Dana at play and Audrey smiling at him. But he had business to attend and not much time to complete it.

For it had only just begun.