Sea of Waking Dreams

Sea of Waking Dreams

By Cinnamon

Chapter Five

“I can’t find a reason to stay away,” Hermione said softly to Harry. It was early morning and she had woken up crying, calling out his name. She missed him so badly. “So I came to see you. I brought an old newspaper, I thought maybe I could read to you. It’s from November, they have trouble publishing them on time these days because of the war and all, but it’s the Quidditch Swimsuit edition. I know you’ve read it a million times, but I thought maybe you’d like me to read it to you?” No reply. Hands trembling, Hermione opened the faded, wrinkled newspaper and began reading. “‘Layara Tariai, chaser for the Caerphilly Catapults and winner of last year’s Dangerous Dai Commemorative Medal, is wearing a two-piece bathing suit of light green and scarlet, made by Hadad Versaille, world-renowned wizard/fashion designer from Wales. Layara enjoys moonlit broomstick rides, Divination, and wizards who like peanut butter.’” She glanced at Harry. “You like peanut butter, don’t you? I think you’d like her. She’s quite pretty.” She smiled cheerfully at him but, of course, Harry didn’t smile back and her fake smile faded. Hermione was about to turn back to reading, when the door opened and Sirius stepped into the room.

“Oh, sorry, Hermione,” he said, smiling weakly at her. “I didn’t know anyone was here and couldn’t sleep.”

Hermione jumped up, forcing a bright smile. “It’s all right, Sirius,” she said. “I’ve got things I had better be doing.”

He nodded with a relieved smile and Hermione hurried from the room. She didn’t have anything else to do, of course, but she knew Sirius wanted to visit his godson in peace and she did not want to get in the way.

She wandered back to her room and got her cloak, feeling claustrophobic inside the castle and hoping it wasn’t too cold outside.

The sun was just rising and painting the sky in soft shades of pink when she stepped into the courtyard, and she smiled as she glanced up at the sky. It was very serene and quiet, and when things were like this, it was hard to imagine that there was a war going on.

The snow in the inner courtyard was trampled from training the day before, and Hermione trudged through the churned up surface, lost in thought. What if Harry never woke up? Contemplating life without Harry was too huge and frightening, and Hermione tried to force the thoughts out of her mind but they stubbornly refused to leave, and she sat down heavily in the snow and started to cry.

***

Sunrise on the parapets wasn’t lonely, it was rather peaceful and calm, and Draco sighed, leaning on the stone wall and watching the waves crash below. Even they didn’t seem as angry as usual. But then, neither did Draco. He had woken up just before dawn feeling more rested and calm than he had in weeks, and somehow he was sure that laughing the day before had caused it. He couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed.

He was actually feeling like a pretty decent guy, which for Draco, was strange. That was why, when he turned towards the courtyard and saw Hermione sitting by herself in the snow, looking lost and dejected, he decided, impulsively, to go and talk to her.

Feeling vaguely surprised at himself and a little impressed, Draco entered the turret and took the stairs down to the courtyard, stepping into the snow and walking towards Hermione. Then he realized she was crying and stumbled to a surprised stop, suddenly regretting his decision. After all, exchanging a few sarcastic, well-meant insults with her was totally different than approaching her when she was obviously distressed. Before he could escape, however, she glanced up and saw him there.

She jumped to her feet. “If you say one word,” she snarled, “I swear, Malfoy, I’ll slap you so hard.”

“One word about what?” Draco said, startled. He did not like being caught off guard like this.

“About anything! Just shut up! I don’t feel like dealing with you right now, so if you don’t mind, I’d like to be left alone, all right?”

“You make it sound like I ran into you on purpose, Granger, and I promise you, I didn’t,” he replied coolly, turning and walking away. He scowled, wondering why he had even bothered to try. Ginny’s friendliness had rubbed off on him and he hated it. Feeling unreasonably hostile towards Ginny suddenly, as if the scene in the courtyard were her fault, he stalked off to his room, glowering.

****

The sun was setting and Ginny was feeding the baby while waiting for Iniko to finish his bath. He was the last of the children to bathe that night, and the others were already in their pajamas, Belle brushing Keela’s hair and braiding it for her, while Lucky looked at a picture book and Miles finished up the drawing he had started earlier that day when he was supposed to be memorizing his times tables.

Axel finished his bottle and Ginny rocked him for a few moments until he was asleep again before kissing his forehead and laying him in the cradle.

That’s when things went crazy.

Belle started screaming. “You stupid, stupid girl, you’re mad, you’re evil! A demon! I will not have you in my house!”

Ginny’s eyes widened a little bit, but she was used to the strange outbursts that had begun happening with Lucky’s arrival, and quickly hurried towards Belle. Lucky had dropped the book and scurried under her bed, whimpering, and Keela looked stunned. Belle threw the brush she’d been using and it broke in two pieces against the wall. “Get out! You useless child! You’re evil!” she screamed at Keela, who flinched.

Miles glanced at Ginny uncertainly before running from the room, and Ginny closed her eyes, gathering her patience. “Belle,” she said firmly. “Stop this.”

Belle didn’t hear. “You’re just like your father!” She shouted. “I don’t want to ever see you again! I hate you! You’re nothing to me, you hear me? Nothing but a waste of time, a mistake! Go live with your father if you persist in being a burden!” Belle grabbed Keela roughly by the arm and started jerking her out of the room.

“Belle!” Ginny snapped. “Lucky, make it stop.” Lucky started wailing and Ginny, wincing, wrapped her arms around Belle and lifted her, holding her tightly. The eight-year-old girl was tall for her age, so it was awkward, but Ginny started stroking her hair and speaking soothingly, trying to bring her back to reality. Belle was thrashing in her arms, flailing her fists at Ginny. Her nails scratched Ginny’s cheek, drawing blood.

“You’re nothing to me! You were never anything to me! Get out of my sight, Lucky! Get out of my house!”

Ginny flinched. Lucky was channeling her own mother into Belle. Her own mother had said these things to her.

The door flew open and Iniko ran into the room, looking frightened. Behind him, Miles came in, his little hand grasping Draco’s arm. “They’ve gone mad,” Iniko whispered, pointing, and Draco quickly took in Belle, thrashing in Ginny’s arms and screaming, and Lucky cowering under her bed.

“Lucky,” he said in a grim tone. He knelt beside her bed, calling to her. “Come out, Lucky, it’s all right. Are you frightened?”

“I hate you!” Belle shrieked. Ginny tightened her arms around the girl.

“Lucky, come out,” Draco coaxed. “Please come out.”

Lucky darted out from under the bed and threw herself at Draco, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his shoulder, sobbing. “She hates me,” she wailed.

“Shh,” he said, sitting at the bed and marveling how he seemed to know exactly what to do. “It’s all right. You’re safe now. You don’t have to be frightened, Lucky. I’ll never let anyone hurt you.”

She sniffled. “You promise?”

“I do. Make this stop, I know you can.”

“I can’t,” she whimpered. “Mama liked to hurt me.”

“She’s not here, Lucky, and she’ll never hurt you again.”

Lucky lifted her head, her eyes shining with solemn tears. “You promise,” she echoed, smiling a tiny bit. She touched his cheek. “You promise,” she said again.

Belle’s screams suddenly stopped and there was a stunned silence, and then she started to cry.

“Shh. Belle, honey, it’s all right,” Ginny soothed, laying Belle down in her bed. “Everything’s all right, baby, go to sleep now.”

“I didn’t mean to,” Belle whimpered. Ginny stroked her cheek and smoothed her blanket up to her chin.

“I know, baby. Everything’s fine.” She smiled and Belle nodded, sniffling.

Keela was still standing where Belle had left her, shaking, and Ginny coaxed her into her bed, talking to her softly until she fell asleep.

The boys were easier to calm, and by the time she had both of them in bed, Lucky had stopped crying and was curled up on Draco’s lap, watching Ginny solemnly. Ginny smiled at her reassuringly.

“Mama was mean,” she said, nodding.

“She can’t hurt you anymore,” Ginny told her.

“She made me wait in the broken place for Daddy to come. She said I was a bad girl and Daddy was a bad man and he’d put a mark on me, just like his, and then I’d belong to the devil just like she always knew I did. She told me to wait, but Daddy never came. Draco came instead.”

“A mark?” Draco asked. “On his arm?” Lucky nodded and Draco, looking grim, pushed up his sleeve and held out his left arm. The Dark Mark practically glowed on his pale skin. “Like that?” And Lucky nodded again.

Ginny swallowed heavily. “Your mother made you wait in the Hogwarts ruins? She left you there and your Daddy never came?”

“I think she forgot to tell him I was waiting. I waited a long time. I got hungry and then a friendly lady told me where to find food.” Lucky frowned thoughtfully. “She was all silver and said we were sisters. I haven’t got a sister.”

Ginny glanced at Draco. “The Grey Lady?”

Draco nodded. “I think so. The Dementors probably couldn’t sense her because of her ability to project other emotions. They would have sensed other emotion, but never hers.”

Smiling again at Lucky and stroking her hair, Ginny said, “It’s time to go to sleep, sweetie. It’s very late.”

Lucky obediently crawled off Draco’s lap and slipped under her covers. She was asleep a second later. Blessedly, the baby had slept through the entire thing.

In the hallway, Ginny finally let her disgust show. “I wish I knew who her mother was,” she snapped. “That foul woman, just leaving that poor girl in the ruins like that.”

“Her father was a Death Eater,” Draco said quietly. “Prescott Arlington. I suspected but wasn’t sure until now. When I was one of them, we talked sometimes, but he never mentioned having a wife, let alone a daughter.”

Ginny had nearly forgotten that until the fall of Hogwarts, he had been a Death Eater. “What made you come back?” she asked abruptly. “Why did you join our side?” She didn’t really expect a reply.

“It’s a long story,” he said with a shrug.

“I’ve got time.”

“All right, if you really want to hear it.”

“I do.” She opened her door and motioned him inside. The fire had died down and she used her wand to relight it, gesturing him to sit on her chair near the fire. He did, and she flopped down on her belly on the bed, resting her chin on her hand. “So, why did you?” she asked again.

Draco was looking mildly uncomfortable and she thought it was amazing that he didn’t just walk out. After all, he had never been one for personal conversations. Then again, maybe no one had ever wanted to know about these things. He had even admitted that the only thing anyone ever seemed to want from him was a good shagging.

He glanced into the fire and said slowly, “The plan to attack Hogwarts was carefully constructed, down to the last detail. Snape was the leader of my unit. He was pretty much the reason I joined the Death Eaters. Not because of my father, like everyone thought. My father’s a stupid git. Snape… He had ambition, class. I wanted to be just like him. Anyway, since Snape was so familiar with the layout of the school, our unit went first. We were to strike a disabling blow to Dumbledore and the faculty, which was of course the main source of power. The whole mission was to kill Dumbledore, as he is the only wizard other than Harry Potter with anywhere near enough power to take on Voldemort. Of course, as you probably know, Snape wasn’t loyal to Voldemort. Only a spy. I didn’t know.

“I knew about it,” she told him. “I was at Hogwarts then, I had joined with Dumbledore a few weeks before the attack. He sent me out early, into the forest with the children. I was the only one, I think, who knew that Snape was on our side. Except Harry, and maybe Sirius.”

“Well, Snape wasn’t going to attack the faculty; he sent a warning ahead and then only went to help evacuate the students before the main army got there. But I guess Voldemort found out about it, because things changed, and the army came sooner than they’d told us they would.” He swallowed heavily. “I don’t know how he found out.”

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Ginny said gently.

Draco ignored her. “Harry was there, we hadn’t known he was going to be. I still don’t know what he was doing there. Anyway, the Death Eaters and Dementors stormed the castle. Mass chaos erupted, students were running and screaming and being slaughtered. The faculty tried to save as many as they could, but most of them got cut down as well. And Snape, he was fighting with them, trying to protect Dumbledore. I was confused, didn’t know who to fight anymore. I was standing there in shock, staring at Snape who was killing Death Eaters. My father grabbed my arm then, hissing, ‘Now it’s time to show me where you’re loyalties lie, boy’. He’d always thought there was something…sexual in my relationship with Snape.”

“Was there?”

He shot her a scathing look. “Of course not. It was hero worship at most. Anyway, while he held me, my father pointed his wand at Snape and shouted the words to the killing curse. Snape never saw it coming and so he wasn’t prepared to defend himself, even if there had been anything really to do. He died, and I tore away from my father, running through the Hall towards them. I climbed up onto the teachers’ platform where Snape’s body was, but he was dead already, of course. So I took his wand. I don’t know why. I used it, as well as my own, and started fighting the Death Eaters. I had more power than many of the faculty and most of the Death Eaters. Voldemort had invested a lot of his efforts into training me to be nearly as powerful as he is. Harry was there too. He shot me a look but didn’t say anything and we fought together until the Death Eaters and the Dementors retreated. Most of the students were dead, and barely half of the faculty survived. Hogwarts lay in ruins.”

“So you left? Came to this castle?”

“There was nothing left for us there. We escaped, Dumbledore welcomed me into his ranks, he didn’t ask many questions. He knew how I felt for Snape. Snape was more a father to me than my own father ever was,” Draco spat bitterly. “This place became a sanctuary. You came here a short while after we did, and a few weeks after that, while Harry and I were helping Remus and Lupin, trying to infiltrate Hogsmeade to get some supplies to Madam Rosmerta, Harry was caught by a Dementor and I saved him, but he never woke up from the Kiss.”

Ginny frowned thoughtfully. “So you only joined our side because Snape died?” she asked, her voice soft with no hint of accusation in her tone.

“And other things,” he said. “I had seen some of the things men I thought were my friends had done to the students at Hogwarts. Things that had nothing to do with Muggles and Mud—and mixed-bloods, but everything to do with random destruction. One guy I had shared a room with in Voldemort’s castle, who had spent weeks telling me about how he had married a girl just to get her to sleep with him, but she didn’t do it, even after the wedding. He beat another girl nearly to death and raped her before he killed her. I may think pure-blooded wizards are better than Muggles and half-bloods, but I do not rape, and I do not slaughter.”

“So this was the better option?”

He shrugged. “I’d choose everyone getting along, over destruction and chaos.”

She thought for a moment before saying softly, “I’m sorry Professor Snape died. I liked him, even when he made my life miserable in Hogwarts. He was a good man.”

Draco glanced at her and smiled a little. “Yeah. He was.”

“Draco,” Ginny said suddenly. “Does Dumbledore tell you everything? I mean, everything that’s going on with this war?”

Draco nodded. “He trusts me with everything. He claims my help is invaluable as I was once one of them and know how they think.”

She nodded slowly. “Then you would know all the covert, secret missions?”

He frowned. “Secret missions? Ginny, what are you talking about?”

“Before the fall of Hogwarts,” she said. “Some men were sent on a secret mission for Dumbledore. Someone I know went with them, and I just… I haven’t heard from them in a while, and I wondered if you had heard anything… I know I’m not supposed to know about it,” she hurried on. “Because it’s top secret, and he told me not to mention it to anyone, but I’m really getting worried.”

“Ginny, honestly, there are no units outside of the castle,” Draco told her. “None at all. The scouting mission I went on a few days ago was the last one Dumbledore’s sent out. We’re all here and accounted for.”

She shook her head. “No, he said he was on a secret mission. Maybe Dumbledore just hasn’t told you?”

“I doubt it,” he said. “He tells me everything.”

“But…” Ginny trailed off, her hand slipping into her pocket instinctively and gripping the wedding ring. “But Draco, there has to be,” she said beseechingly.

“There’s not.”

She bit her lip, jumping off the bed and grabbing her cloak. “Maybe he’s sent an owl then,” she mumbled to herself. “It’s been a month, an owl could have come today.”

“Ginny,” Draco said, worriedly. “Where are you going?”

“Eastern tower,” she told him, opening the door. The Eastern tower had been made into an owlery. “Maybe he’s sent an owl.”

“Who?”

“No one,” she replied breathlessly. She ran from the room, and Draco went after her, following her to the owlery. There was no message for her, and she looked crushed. “Where is he?” she whimpered.

“Ginny, who are you looking for?” he asked again.

“No one,” she whispered, turning and trudging back to her room.

This time, Draco didn’t follow her. There was something shining dully in the darkness, something golden, and he picked it up, inspecting it carefully.

It was a wedding band.

***

It was midmorning and the children were doing their lessons. Ginny was trying to teach Lucky and Keela to read while Belle helped the boys with math.

Draco watched from the doorway for a moment, holding the ring Ginny had dropped in the owlery and debating what to do about it. A few days ago, he would have handed it back to her with a snide, sarcastic comment, but he didn’t want to hurt Ginny’s feelings, which in itself was very strange.

He finally cleared his throat and stepped into the room, smiling at the children when they abandoned their lessons and started shouting chipper greetings. He returned them, and said quietly to Ginny, “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

She looked puzzled but nodded and told Keela and Lucky to keep practicing their alphabet, leading him over to the window. She sat on the sill and waited for him to speak.

Draco didn’t waste time explaining. He grabbed her hand and held it, palm-up, dropping the ring into it. “I found this at the owlery,” he said abruptly.

Her hand snapped shut around it. “Thanks,” she said, flushing crimson. “I was worried I had lost it.”

Tilting his head and studying her face thoughtfully, Draco asked unexpectedly, “Is it yours?”

Ginny bit her lip, staring at her hands. “Yes,” she said quietly.

“You’re married.” His voice was heavy with disbelief.

She glanced up at him through her lashes. “Yes.”

Draco was frowning, and he pulled himself up onto the windowsill beside her. “When the hell did you get married?”

“Right before they went off on the secret mission for Dumbledore,” she said, shrugging. “It was him who suggested I join the cause as well, right after we were married. We married the day before he left. It’s sort of a secret, so I’d appreciate if you didn’t tell anyone.”

Draco was still in shock. “Who is he?”

“I don’t think you’d know him. He was in my year at Hogwarts, a Ravenclaw. Hadley Biton.”

Draco blinked. Surely he hadn’t heard right. “Who?” he asked, hopping off the sill.

“Hadley Biton.”

“Shit,” he hissed.

“Draco!” Ginny snapped. “Don’t curse around the children!”

“Ginny,” Draco said, a strange intensity in his tone. “Did you tell Hadley that you were leaving Hogwarts because Snape had sent word that there was to be an attack?”

She thought for a moment. “I sent him an owl about it, so he’d know where I was,” she admitted finally.

“Did you tell him about Snape?”

“Yes.”

Draco swore again, louder, but Ginny was too worried to scold him. “Ginny,” he whispered raggedly. “Hadley Biton was my room mate in Voldemort’s castle. He wasn’t on a secret spy mission for Dumbledore at all, he was working for Voldemort and using you to get information.”

Ginny scowled. “That’s impossible, Draco. We’d been friends since our third year, dating in my fifth.”

“Third year,” he asked dangerously. “The same year Voldemort began to rise again?”

She was a little pale now, but said firmly, “It’s just not possible. He loves me. He would never—”

“Ginny, Hadley was the one who told me he had married that girl the day before he left and that she had refused to sleep with him that night even then. Did you sleep with him?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but no,” she snapped.

Draco cursed again, running a hand through his hair. “I had no idea it was you, Gin,” he said, pacing. “I had no idea. You were feeding him information without even knowing it!”

“You’re wrong,” she said stubbornly. “Hadley is on a secret mission for Dumbledore.”

“The only mission of Dumbledore’s that is underway right now is your parents on their diplomacy trip to the Wizards’ Union of America,” he said, his voice suddenly very gentle. He grabbed her hands. “Listen to me, Ginny. Hadley was working for Voldemort. He used you.”

“Why do you keep referring to him in past tense?” she whispered. “Hadley is still alive, Draco, and he’s working for Dumbledore and…” she trailed off, twisting the ring she still held.

“Hadley Biton died in that attempt to get supplies to Madam Rosmerta. I killed him and scared away the Dementor that was attacking Harry with a Patronus.” He touched her face. “Are you listening to me, Ginny?”

“It’s not true,” she mumbled, her eyes filling with tears.

“He was tall and lanky,” Draco said grimly. “Reddish brown hair, blue eyes, and a strange little mole on his forehead. His favourite Quidditch team was Puddlemere United. He played on the Ravenclaw team as a beater. His favourite class at Hogwarts was Transfiguration and his favourite robes were scarlet.”

Ginny looked as if she were about to faint, and Draco knew that everything he had just said described the man Ginny had impulsively married the day before he went off to war. “It can’t be true,” she whispered.

“Yes, it can.”

“It can’t, because if it is, then it’s all my fault that all those people at Hogwarts died. It’s my fault that Professor Snape died and all those students and that Hogwarts fell, and that he raped that girl and that Harry is ill. It’s all because I thought he l-loved me?” Her voice cracked and the last question came out as a squeak. Draco didn’t touch her; he didn’t know what to do. She was trying desperately not to cry in front of the children, but she looked like she was going to faint, and Draco had no experience with fainting women.

“Ginny, I’m sorry,” he said helplessly. “It wasn’t your fault.”

She was breathing heavily and she still managed a bright, if slightly brittle, smile. “It doesn’t matter,” she said, hopping off the windowsill. “Belle,” she called out cheerfully. “Will you mind watching the children for a moment? There’s something I’ve got to do, I’ll try to find Hermione and send her down to watch you all for a while.”

“Ginny, I could —” Draco began.

“No, no, I would not wish to bother you,” Ginny said carefully. With another forced smile, she walked carefully from the room, like her legs were made of glass. Draco watched her go helplessly.

Ginny walked slowly, as if in a daze, to Hermione’s room, knocking a few times. Hermione threw the door open, took one look at Ginny’s face, and said, “Are you all right?”

“Yes,” Ginny lied. “But would you go and watch the children for a moment? There’s something I need to do.”

“Ginny, whatever’s wrong, you know you can tell me,” Hermione said worriedly. “We are friends, after all.”

“We’re not friends,” Ginny said with an empty smile. “We’re more like sisters. But I’d really rather be alone now. Maybe if I was as smart as you, I wouldn’t have…” she trailed off, suddenly looking like she was going to cry, and though she wasn’t being very coherent, Hermione hugged her tightly.

“Whatever it is, if you need anyone, you know I’m here. And I’d trade my cleverness for even half of your goodness any day.”

“I am not a good person,” Ginny said wistfully.

Before Hermione could argue, Ginny had walked away, and, remembering that she had said she would prefer to be alone, Hermione made her way up to the northern wing.

Draco was with the children, and Hermione was shocked. He was sitting on the floor teaching Lucky and Keela their ABC’s.

“You don’t have to stay,” Hermione said stiffly. “I’ll watch them.”

Draco leapt to his feet. “Did you see where Ginny went?”

“Did you make her cry?” Hermione countered.

Draco scowled. “None of your damned business. Where is she?”

“She wants to be alone,” snapped Hermione.

“Leaving her alone right now might not be such a good idea,” Draco mumbled, looking worried. He left the room without another word, and Hermione was even more startled. For the first time that she could remember, Draco hadn’t said even one thing sarcastic or cruel.