Searching for Dawn

Searching for Dawn

Chapter 2

"Confessions"

Remus said, "Harry, you can tell me anything, and it won't change how I feel. Why did you leave?"

Harry took a deep breath. "OK, you asked for it..." He looked Remus in the eye and sighed. "It's because of how I killed Voldemort."

"I've been curious about that," acknowledged Remus. "Ron and Hermione would never tell me."

Harry nodded. "That doesn't surprise me. I think they were ashamed, too, even though they didn't actually use it - they only helped me with the research."

"Harry, I'm not following you..." Remus paused as realization began to dawn, "you mean ... Harry ... you used dark magic to kill Voldemort?"

Harry suddenly became very interested in his shoes. In a barely audible voice, he said, "I used dark magic to change him back into a human so I could kill him with the killing curse."

"But Avada Kedavra works on non-humans," Remus protested, rubbing his chin absently. "You told me Mad-Eye Moody ... I mean Crouch ... used it to kill a spider that year he taught Defense Against the Dark Arts at Hogwarts."

"He did," said Harry, "but Voldemort wasn't even anything ... well ... natural. That's why I couldn't kill him that time during my sixth year. He'd taken certain precautions to prevent himself from being killed, and the only way we could find to counteract the dark magic was ... well ... dark magic."

"So this has all been about guilt - guilt about using dark magic."

"NO!" Harry shouted, standing up so suddenly that Remus leaned back instinctively. "Don't you see what I've become? I'm evil! I'm just as bad as Voldemort! Dumbledore, Ron, Hermione ... they all tried to warn me. And Voldemort ... he flat out said it just before I killed him."

"Said what?" asked Remus gently.

"That he will never be truly dead as long as I live because of the way I killed him. Don't you see? I've become Voldemort!"

Remus stared at Harry in shock.

Harry began to pace the hotel room as he continued in a voice dripping with sarcasm. "And the media - they were just having a heyday over 'The Boy Who Lived' finally killing 'You-Know-Who'. I was such a hero! Good defeating evil and all that. I just couldn't take it any more, knowing the truth - knowing it was all a lie..." Harry buried his face in his hands. "The worst part about it is that I led my two best friends down the same path. I corrupted two of the most wonderful people in the world. I had to get away before I ruined more lives."

At this, Remus couldn't help smiling a little. "Harry, look at me."

Harry reluctantly pulled his eyes up to Remus' face.

"First off," Remus began, "Ron's and Hermione's lives are hardly ruined. I think the only thing that could make them happier is having you back. Secondly, Harry, you're not evil! If you were, you wouldn't be feeling guilty about this. You can't take the word of a dying psychopath. Don't you see? His final words were his only means of getting revenge. He died knowing you would probably doubt yourself for years."

"I probably will." Harry mumbled.

"Harry, you've got to let this go. If you don't, you're letting Voldemort rule your destiny. He's dead - you can't let him control your life any more." Remus stood and put his hands on Harry's shoulders. "Listen to me, Harry. Voldemort hated you and wanted to hurt you. I love you, and I'm telling you the truth - you're NOT evil!"

Harry turned and walked a few steps away. He couldn't face Remus for this. "There's something else I haven't told you. Peter's dead. I killed him."

Remus swallowed. Peter had been one of Remus' best friends before he became a Death Eater. "Harry, I'm sure you had to disable a lot of Death Eaters to get to Voldemort. You only did what was necessary."

"No," Harry said, shifting uneasily, "it wasn't necessary."

"What do you mean?" When Harry didn't answer immediately, Remus took a step toward him. "Harry?"

When Harry finally answered, it was in a dead, flat voice Remus had never heard before. "Ron had put him in a full Body-Bind and broken his wand. He was totally defenseless. I killed him in cold blood, Remus."

Remus' eyes widened. "Do Ron and Hermione know about this?"

"Th-they watched me do it. Th-they tried to stop me. I think they were actually ... afraid of me at that moment."

Remus couldn't help remembering that this same young man only five years earlier had refused to allow Remus and Sirius to kill Peter, even though Peter had betrayed Harry's parents to the Dark Lord. They had come full circle, and Remus found he couldn't blame Harry for this death. He walked around to face Harry, and said, "Harry, I know this is a lot of guilt for you to handle. But I want you to know, none of this matters to me - I still love you. And I know that your true friends will feel the same."

"I hope someday I can believe you."

Remus embraced him and said warmly, "We'll work this out, Harry."

Harry looked at Remus. His eyes were full of love and ... pride? How was that possible? How could Remus still believe in him after all he'd done? Harry was overcome and tears threatened to spill out of his own eyes. He choked out, "Thank you," which seemed inadequate, but was all he could manage.

Remus nodded and smiled. "Now let's get back to Britain, shall we?" At the look of horror on Harry's face he quickly said, "Quietly, quietly, with no media attention. You can stay at Hogwarts for awhile, ok?"

Harry nodded and they began to pack their things.

*************************************************************

They were able to find a used car dealer who would pay cash for the Mustang. Harry looked at it longingly as their taxi drove away.

The journey over was uneventful. They had to use a Muggle commercial flight, since Harry hadn't learned to Apparate yet, and it was too far for broomsticks. Harry was fitted for brown contact lenses before they left, and he also charmed his hair to be temporarily blonde.

Remus said, "I think you're being paranoid, Harry, the wizard press will hardly be watching the commercial airlines. But you certainly are unrecognizable."

They slowly made their way to Hogwarts, avoiding contact with the wizarding world as much as possible. When they arrived, Remus immediately escorted Harry to Professor Dumbledore's office.

Harry was very nervous about seeing Dumbledore, expecting a stern reception. Instead, the Headmaster's eyes lit up when he saw him, and he was surprised when Dumbledore gave him a brief hug before saying, "Harry, it's so good to see you!"

Harry's nervousness melted away after that warm greeting, and he found himself able to explain to the Headmaster what he had been doing for the past year. When he finished, Dumbledore said, "Harry, why did you run away?"

Harry faltered, and looked to Remus for help. Remus smiled his encouragement and nodded slightly.

Harry was unable to look at the Headmaster as he told that part of the story. When he finished, he looked up slowly, bracing himself for the anger and disappointment in his mentor's eyes, but he only saw love, and a little sadness. The hope that had begun in his heart when Remus accepted him grew a little larger.

Dumbledore said, "Harry, I want you to listen to me very carefully. You are feeling great remorse for what you've done. So great that you attempted to quiet it by running away. People who have given in to the Darkness DO NOT feel remorse. Your feelings are painful, but they are proof that you haven't lost yourself in the Darkness.

"You cannot continue to run away from these feelings. You must face them and face what you have done. Otherwise, you will never heal. The best way I can see to heal from your brush with darkness is to surround yourself with light."

"How do I do that?" Harry asked quietly.

Dumbledore smiled. "I think the first step is to contact your friends. I know they will be glad to see you."

Harry weakly returned his smile, still unsure.

Dumbledore turned to Remus. "Now," he said, "the next thing we need to do is to decide how much of this story to tell the Ministry and the Press. I know they will be very interested in where Harry's been and what he's been doing this past year."

Harry leaned forward, his eyes wide with alarm. "But it isn't anyone's business, is it? I mean, I'm an adult after all. If I want to go to America and live as a Muggle for a year, what can they say about it?"

Remus laid a hand on Harry's arm. "Professor Dumbledore is right, Harry. We're going to have to tell the Ministry something - they spent quite a lot of resources searching for you. You also need to have a Press Conference."

Harry slumped back in his chair, terrified at the very idea. However, Dumbledore asked calmly, "Harry, how many people know about the Dark Arts and Peter Pettigrew's death?"

Harry swallowed. "Besides you and Remus, only Hermione and Ron. I know they'll never tell anyone else."

"And what about the Cloaked Vigilante?"

"Only you and Remus."

"Good," Dumbledore nodded, "I would suggest you not let that leave this room for now. If you must tell Ron and Hermione, wait until the hype has died down."

Harry nodded. "Professor Dumbledore, do you think I should register as an Animagus?"

Dumbledore raised his eyes to the ceiling, made a triangle with his fingers, and rested his chin on his fingertips. After a moment, he returned his gaze to Harry and answered, "While I don't normally approve of breaking the law, I think in this case it might be wise to keep that quiet for now. Ron and Hermione have not registered, either."

Harry looked up in surprise. "How did you...?"

Dumbledore smiled. "I was watching you more closely than you knew. I suspected you might try to accomplish the transformation since your father had. And I assumed your two best friends would go along with you. It was during the fall of your Seventh Year, correct?"

Harry nodded, and managed a small smile. "It made it easier to leave Hogwarts so we could research Dark Arts and find Voldemort."

Remus spoke up, "Does anyone else know about the three of you?"

Harry thought about that. "I think Hagrid suspected, but of course he's gone. I also think a few of our closer friends might have known, but they never asked. I can't imagine any of them telling anyone."

"Well," Dumbledore said, resting his palms on his desk, "I think that's enough for tonight. I know you two must be exhausted from your trip. Harry, I'll wait a few days before I tell the Ministry you're here. In the meantime, you should contact your friends while you can still do so quietly."

They all stood and Dumbledore shook Harry's hand. "Thank you, Professor," Harry stammered.

As Remus and Harry walked toward the guest rooms, Harry said, "Remus, c-could you owl Ron and Hermione for me? I j-just don't think I can."

Remus looked at the pleading look in Harry's eyes and smiled. "Of course I will - as soon as you and I have had a long sleep."

******************************************

Ron was getting an afternoon snack in the kitchen of the Burrow when the owl came. He read the message, paled, and sank into a chair. Ginny walked in, stopping suddenly when she saw Ron staring at the parchment.

"Ron, what is it?" she asked in an alarmed voice.

Ron folded the parchment quickly and pocketed it. "Nothing."

Ginny wasn't fooled. "It's Harry, isn't it? Is he ok?"

Ron thought for a moment, and decided he couldn't keep this from Ginny. He pulled the parchment from his pocket and handed it to her.

She gasped as she read:

Dear Ron,

PLEASE DO NOT TELL ANYONE THE CONTENTS OF THIS LETTER - YET.

I found Harry. He's here, with me, at Hogwarts, and he's fine. He wants to see you and Hermione, but no one else for the time being. Please come as soon as you can get away, and we'll explain everything. I owled Hermione.

Remus

When Ginny found her voice, she whispered, "Professor Lupin told you not to tell anyone."

Ron sighed, and said, "I couldn't bear for you not to know."

Ginny threw her arms around her brother and began to sob. Ron let her cry for a few minutes, and then untangled himself. "Listen," he said, "if anyone comes in here and finds you howling, they'll know something's up. Why don't you run upstairs for awhile? I need to call Hermione and go to Hogwarts. I'll come talk to you as soon as I get back, ok?"

Ginny thought about begging Ron to take her, but understood that he and Hermione needed to go see Harry alone, this first time. She nodded, unable to speak, and ran upstairs.

Ron went into the living room to get the floo powder, but Hermione's head was already sitting in the fireplace. Ron noticed she looked pale, but that might have been because of the flames licking her face. "Hey - I guess you got your owl," he said.

***********************************************

Remus was surprised to find the Headmaster and Professor Snape in his office when he returned from the Owlery. Professor Severus Snape was the Potions Master at Hogwarts, and most students hated his icy personality. Remus and Severus had had a rocky start as colleagues, mostly because of their shared history as Hogwarts students, but had reluctantly formed a mutual respect over the years.

Remus closed the door and sat behind his desk. Dumbledore spoke first, "How's Harry today?"

Remus smiled slightly. "I haven't seen him; I think he's still asleep. I just owled Ron and Hermione for him."

Dumbledore came to the point. "Severus and I have been discussing Harry's adventures during the past year. It's odd how he was able to predict the crimes."

Remus started. "I thought we were keeping that between the three of us!"

"Yes, but this particular aspect is something I think we need to explore further, and you know I trust Severus implicitly."

Remus sighed in resignation. "Yes, Harry couldn't really explain how he knew where the crimes would be. Just that he got a feeling he needed to go."

Severus spoke for the first time. "Of course, the Headmaster chooses not to believe that Mr. Potter was 'arranging' the crimes to gain more fame," he said nastily.

Remus was angered, but retained his calm demeanor. "Severus, if you had been more observant when Harry was a student here, you would realize he's not like his father. Harry never wanted to be in the spotlight."

Dumbledore said, "Severus, as I already told you, I agree with Remus. Harry has never sought the fame that was forced upon him. I don't believe he was looking for fame in the United States - he was trying to hide. There is another explanation for this, and I believe it is the most obvious one."

*******************************************************************************

Harry heard a knock on the guest room door as he finished getting dressed. He opened the door to Remus' smiling face. "Good morning," said Remus, "I mean, good afternoon."

Harry smiled sheepishly. He hadn't slept nightmare-free in over a year. It had felt good to wake up and realize he had slept through the night, and most of the morning. "Good afternoon, yourself."

"Have you eaten anything?"

"No, I haven't been hungry yet."

Harry was dying to ask, and couldn't wait any longer. "Have you heard from Ron and Hermione? Do they want to see me?"

Remus' smile broadened. "They're already here! Can I bring them up?"

The eagerness in Harry's eyes faded into nervousness. "They're here?" he repeated weakly.

Remus looked into Harry's eyes. "Harry, they wanted to see you so badly that they didn't even bother to reply to my owls - they just came!"

Hope dawned in Harry's eyes. "Yes," he murmured, "bring them up. Thanks."

Remus was only gone a few minutes - but it seemed like hours. Harry felt a million butterflies in his stomach as he waited for the door to open again.

When it opened, it was like a dam bursting. A female voice screamed, "Harry!" and the owner of the voice hurled herself at him. Hermione hugged Harry so hard his ribs hurt. She drew her head back and examined his face before kissing his cheek. Then she pressed her cheek against his and murmured in his ear, "Harry, we missed you so much!" She looked at his face again before releasing him, as though she was afraid he would disappear.

Harry then turned to the tall, red-haired man, and was surprised when Ron pulled him into a massive hug, something he'd never done in all the years they had been friends.

Harry was overcome by their enthusiasm. He could only say, "I'm so sorry," over and over as he struggled to choke back tears.

Remus Lupin watched the reunion with pleasure, and then quietly exited the room.

***********************************************************

Harry sat between his two best friends on the couch in his guest room. He told them why he left without contacting them and they accepted his explanation and apology more easily than he expected. Ron said, "We know what you went through - we were there for most of it, remember?"

Explaining what he had been doing the past year was trickier, since he was not supposed to tell them about the Cloaked Vigilante. But in the end, it came out anyway, and although Hermione was shocked at him for using magic on Muggles, Ron showed only admiration.

Now they were sitting in silence, just savoring the joy of being together. Hermione was constantly touching Harry in some way, holding his hand or resting her elbow on his knee, as if she was afraid he would leave again. Harry was amazed at the lack of awkwardness between them - it was as if the past year had never happened. However, something was nagging at the back of his mind. No, nothing would ever really be the same for the three of them again.

Harry stood up and walked to the window. As he gazed at the view, he said, "I hear you two are going on an adventure I can't join. I guess congratulations are in order."

Ron was a little taken aback by this statement. He had never considered that their marriage might make Harry feel left out. "Harry, I..."

"I'm very happy for you," Harry interrupted, and slowly turned to face him. "It's just...I don't know...it's just going to be different."

Hermione stood up and walked over to him with a pleading look. "Yes, it will. But it would have been different, anyway. We're adults now, we're not in school. We'll all have our different careers and such."

"That's true," admitted Harry, looking at the floor.

"Hey," said Ron, trying to change the subject. "How long are you going to keep yourself a secret?"

"I'm not sure," Harry shrugged. "Dumbledore says he'll notify the Ministry in a few days, and he says I need to have a Press Conference." Ron and Hermione both looked at him sympathetically; they knew how he felt about the Press.

Ron stood up and joined them at the window. "Wow," he said appreciatively, "you've got a view of the Quidditch pitch." Hermione rolled her eyes.

Ron clapped a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Can I go ahead and let my family in on the secret? They helped raise you, remember?"

Harry smiled. That was certainly true.

Hermione piped up, "You have to let me tell my parents, Harry!"

Harry said, "OK, but only if they can keep it quiet. I don't want the Press hounding me."

"Who are MY parents going to tell?" Hermione said impatiently; her parents were Muggles.

"Hey," said Ron, "I have an idea. Tomorrow is Wednesday - that's the day Fred and George close the shop early. They usually come to dinner at the Burrow. Sometimes Percy drops by, and Ginny will be there - she's living at home right now. Why don't you come for dinner?"

Harry hesitated. "All right," he said slowly, "but on one condition. Don't tell them I'll be there - let's surprise them."

"Done," agreed Ron. He understood why Harry wanted it that way. If his mother knew Harry would be there, she would make a huge fuss.

************************************************************

Arthur Weasley rose from the table to answer the pounding on the front door, griping quietly about having his dinner interrupted. Molly wondered allowed, "Who could that be?" while she loaded the table with food.

Four of the other six dinner companions looked bewildered, but two had a twinkle in their eyes. Ginny noticed Ron and Hermione glance at each other. She caught Ron's eye and saw his repressed excitement. Her heart began to beat faster as she raised her eyebrows, and Ron winked at her.

Arthur opened the door and said, "Remus, what are you doing he- ... Oh my ... MOLLY! Come here!"

Arthur didn't wait for Molly, but dragged Harry into the kitchen. Molly squealed and grabbed Harry into a hug that knocked the wind out of him. Fred and George jumped up at the same time and almost pulled Harry in two trying to shake his hands. Ginny stood up and went to him hesitantly, giving him an embarrassed hug and a peck on the cheek. Percy even rose and approached Harry with a smile.

Arthur noticed there were two at the table who didn't react, and said, "Ron, Hermione, you knew about this." They only grinned back at him.

For the second time in as many days, Harry was overwhelmed by the enthusiasm at his return. He had convinced himself that everyone would be angry with him for disappearing without communication. In spite of himself, Harry enjoyed the Weasley dinner thoroughly. No one asked too many questions about what he'd been doing, but instead updated him on Weasley happenings, especially the wedding.

The fourth time the wedding was mentioned, Harry noticed Hermione giving Ron a kick. "Ask him," she said under her breath.

"I'd like to ask him in private," Ron said out of the side of his mouth.

But by then, they had everyone's attention. Ron turned beet red, and said, "Oh, all right. Harry, I was wondering if you'd be my Best Man."

Harry couldn't help grinning. "Of course I will, mate."

After dinner, Harry found himself lingering at the table, talking to Ginny about computers. Harry was surprised that Gringotts was considering automating their record keeping. Ginny had started her computer class, and was really enjoying it, much to her surprise.

Harry had bought a laptop in the United States, and had passed a lot of time playing games and surfing the internet. Suddenly he realized something. "Now I'll have someone to e-mail! You're the only friend I have who has a computer!"

Ginny couldn't help being pleased at the thought of exchanging e-mail with Harry, but she tried to keep her tone casual. "We haven't learned much about e-mail yet, but I'll try sending you a note when I learn how."

Harry enthusiastically scribbled down his e-mail address on a scrap of parchment and handed it to her. He said, "Next time I come, I'll try to remember to bring my laptop, and I'll show you how if you haven't learned yet."

Ginny beamed.

**********************************************************

Albus Dumbledore beamed at the crowd gathered outside the gates of Hogwarts as if he were overjoyed to see them. "Ladies and Gentlemen. Thank you so much for coming today. I believe you all know why we've called you here. Mr. Potter will read a brief statement, and then he will take a few questions. Please give him your attention."

"Are you ready?" Remus asked Harry quietly.

"If you mean ready to throw up, then, yes."

Remus walked Harry through the gates and stood behind him at the podium. The applause did nothing to ease Harry's nerves. He cleared his throat and read from the parchment Remus and Professor Dumbledore had helped him prepare:

"I know there have been many questions and rumors about my absence from Britain during the past year. I would like to take this opportunity to put those questions and rumors to rest. It was my decision to leave Britain - I was not forced to do so in any way. I simply needed to get away and rest for awhile. It was also my decision to return to Britain. I missed my friends. Thank you for coming, and I'll answer a few questions at this time."

"So, you weren't kidnapped by Death Eaters?"

"No, like I said, I left and returned on my own."

"Where were you for all that time?"

"I'm sorry, but that's none of your business."

"Did you return to Britain for the Weasley/Granger wedding?"

"That was part of the reason. I'm looking forward to participating in the wedding next week."

"Even though Hermione Granger was YOUR girlfriend at Hogwarts?"

"That's not true - Hermione and I never had a romantic relationship. Ron and Hermione are my best friends, and I'm very happy for them."

"Are YOU dating anyone, Harry?"

"I'm sorry, but that's none of your business."

"Do you plan to stay in Britain?"

"Yes, I plan to stay and catch up with my friends. I have no travel plans right now."

"What career plans do you have?"

"To tell you the truth, I haven't thought that far ahead."

"Is it true that you don't need to find a job, since you're the sole heir to the Black family estate?" That last question, from a reporter he recognized, Rita Skeeter, took Harry by surprise, even though he was familiar with her reporting tactics.

He hesitated before answering. "I'm sorry, but my financial condition is none of your business."

"But Harry," Rita persisted, "don't you think the public deserves to know if you've been friends with a convicted murderer?"

Harry felt his anger rising. "Sirius Black was innocent - he didn't kill anyone. He was my godfather and a wonderful person. I was proud to call him my friend."

"Even though he betrayed your parents?"

Harry felt Remus' hand on his shoulder, but he couldn't let it go. "Sirius didn't betray my parents - he wasn't their Secret-Keeper. And I didn't come to this conference to discuss Sirius, please ask me relevant questions."

Rita didn't want to stop now that she smelled blood. "It is common knowledge that the Black family was well versed in the Dark Arts." Some of the other reporters nodded. "Because of your association with the Blacks, I can't help wondering if you've dabbled in the Dark Arts?"

Harry's face quickly went from red to white - that was a little too close to the mark. Remus gently pushed Harry aside and said clearly and evenly, "That's absolutely ridiculous. Have you forgotten that Harry defeated the darkest sorcerer ever known? I think he's finished answering questions for today."

As Remus steered Harry back through the gates, ignoring questions directed at him ("Professor Lupin, were YOU friends with Sirius Black?" "Professor Lupin, is Harry staying with you?"), he whispered, "I'm sorry Harry, it never occurred to me that they might ask about Sirius. I guess the contesting of the will is public record."

Harry answered, "That's ok. I'm just grateful you got me out of there when you did. I'm dreading the headlines tomorrow." Harry had agreed to the press conference in the hopes that the reporters would get the answers they wanted and leave him alone, but it seemed they had dug up enough dirt to keep bothering him for awhile.

***********************************************************

"As you know, Harry, the new term begins next week. You are welcome to continue to stay here at Hogwarts, but I thought you might be uncomfortable with all the students goggling you," Dumbledore said kindly from behind his desk.

Harry considered his words. The Headmaster was certainly right, but on the other hand, if he left Hogwarts he would be more vulnerable to the press.

Remus, as if reading his thoughts, suggested, "Have you considered living in Sirius' house? It would be difficult for the press to find you since it's unplottable."

Harry looked down and shook his head slowly. "No, I don't think I could do that. Maybe someday..."

Remus quickly said, "I'm sure you could find a flat in Hogsmeade. That way, you would still be near Hogwarts."

Harry sighed and shook his head in frustration. "I need to learn to Apparate - I'm getting tired of having to fly everywhere. Then it wouldn't matter where I lived."

Professor Dumbledore leaned forward and looked at Harry shrewdly. "Would you rather not live in Hogsmeade?"

Harry turned to Remus and weighed his words carefully; he didn't want Remus to think he didn't want to be near him. "Well, I'd really like to find a place that's wired for electricity and telephones, as well as the floo network. I'm not sure I could find a place like that in an all-wizard village. Maybe I could get a flat in London, then I could Apparate to visit you whenever I wanted."

Remus smiled and suggested, "Why don't you and I go down to London tomorrow and have a look around?"

Harry returned his smile. "Thanks Remus, I'd appreciate the help."

Dumbledore cleared his throat and said, "Now that that's settled, Harry, we need to talk about your apparent divining abilities."

"My...what?"

Remus said, "Harry, you told us you always seemed to know where to travel next, both to find crimes and to escape law enforcement. We can only conclude that you have the ability to predict the future."

Dumbledore chimed in, "This is a very rare gift, Harry. You have a responsibility to develop it to its full potential."

Harry looked at them each in turn, then rose and began to pace the Headmaster's office. The portraits on the walls that weren't asleep followed him with their eyes. Harry stared at the floor as he paced, as if hoping it held the answers he sought. His mentors both remained in their seats calmly and waited.

Harry didn't want to believe that Professor Dumbledore and Professor Lupin were right, but in his heart he knew it was true. He COULD predict the future. How ironic is this? I always hated Divination class. He finally stopped pacing and turned to face the older men. "You're not suggesting I take lessons from Professor Trelawney, are you?"

Remus snorted. Professor Trelawney was the Divination teacher at Hogwarts, and despite the three correct predictions she had made, most considered her a fraud.

The Headmaster frowned slightly at Remus. "No. And for that reason, we need to keep this quiet. I do not wish to offend her. I also think it would be wise to keep this from the Ministry and the Press."

"Then what should I do?" Harry asked.

Professor Dumbledore looked into Harry's eyes, as if challenging him. "Severus has some ideas, stemming from his talents in Occlumency."

Harry couldn't help a small groan. His Occlumency lessons with Snape during his fifth and sixth years had not been pleasant. "OK," he mumbled, "I'll talk to Snape after the wedding."

"Good," said Remus. "There's one more thing we need to discuss with you." Harry sat down again and gave Remus his full attention. Remus took a deep breath as if he were preparing for a dive. "Professor Dumbledore knows a doctor we think you should see."

"Why?" Harry said, "I'm fine." Then realization began to dawn. "Wait a minute ... you're talking about a shrink! Do you think I'm crazy?"

Professor Dumbledore smiled, but his eyes were serious. "Harry, I think you're one of the sanest people I know. However, you're carrying around an incredible load of guilt and pain. We would like to see you find some release."

"No way!" Harry said loudly, "No way am I talking to a shrink!"

Remus laid a hand on Harry's arm. "Harry, you have to admit, you've not been handling this well on your own."

Harry wouldn't listen. "I'm fine ... I can take care of myself."

"Numbing the pain with alcohol isn't taking care of yourself. " Remus said calmly, but firmly. "You can't go around in a drunken stupor all the time."

Harry shouted, "Why not?" But he began to calm down; Remus had a point. The past year was not one he would care to relive. He sighed, "How am I supposed to talk to a psychiatrist when most of what's bothering me is top-secret?"

Dumbledore answered, "That's a valid concern, Harry. But I trust Dr. Wilson implicitly. She will also be very discreet about the fact that you're a patient, so the Press won't hear of it."

Harry started; he'd forgotten about the press.

"Harry," Remus said, "Dr. Wilson is very helpful. I ... I've talked to her myself a few times."

Harry gaped at Remus. Remus gave a small smile. "Well, it's not easy living with my - my condition, and I also had a few issues to work out after Sirius died."

Harry closed his mouth, but still looked surprised. Finally he said, "OK, I'll think about it. But not until after the wedding."