Hermione Granger and The Secret Fire

Chapter 18-Humble me

The walk back up to the castle was very quiet. All Hermione could think about was the lecherous smile Mr. Malfoy had given her as he tried to find an excuse to get her alone. An involuntary chill ran through her at the thought of what might of happened.

Draco refused to even look at her and she couldn't figure out why he had gone back to being angry. Although she could understand him being upset about the situation in Hogsmeade, she didn't comprehend why it was directed at her. He was walking toward the castle with such a scowl on his face that Hermione wondered if he was going to start hexing the people in front of them just for fun!

Professor Dumbledore had not spoken a word to the two students since he had whisked them away from the unpleasant scene in front of the Scrivenshaft Quill Shop. Hermione was quite sure his 'interruption' of the conversation with Mr. Malfoy had been to save the two from anything that might have happened. She did not think for a second that there really was business that needed to be discussed at that precise moment with the Head Boy and Head Girl.

He was, however, humming some tune Hermione had never heard before. He had a far away smile on his face and had placed himself between the two as they walked to the castle. She imagined that they must look quite silly to the casual observer; Draco brooding, the Headmaster humming and smiling, and her passing worried glances between the two.

Just before they reached the castle, Hagrid stopped Professor Dumbledore.

"Pro'essor Dumbledore, sir, I was wonderin' if I might 'ave a word wit' you?" Hagrid asked, looking nervously between the three people.

"Certainly, Hagrid. Just let me escort these two back to their rooms and I'll be right with you in my office," he responded in his normal chipper voice.

But as the three turned back to the castle, Draco broke his silence. "I think we're fully capable of walking ourselves back to our common room."

Hermione was shocked by his disrespect and disregard to which he was speaking simply for the fact that Professor Dumbledore had just saved them from a perilous meeting with a murderer!

"Perhaps you are, but I would feel better knowing you two arrived safely. Oh, look, there is Mr. Filtch. I am sure he would be happy to escort you the rest of the way," Dumbledore said, not seeming to get upset by Draco's offensive tone.

And Mr. Filtch did escort them the entire way with a scowl that matched Draco's own. Hermione was having difficulty not being amused by the two men's faces. She felt her fear ebbing away; the further she got from the senior Mr. Malfoy. By the time the three arrived at the portrait of the Mime Priestess, Hermione was almost giggling at the two men and their silly faces. Filtch left them as they walked inside.

"What in the hell were you thinking?" Draco hissed as soon as he and Hermione were left alone in their common room.

"What are you talking about?" Hermione asked, genuinely confused, her feeling of humor leaving her just as quickly as it had come.

Draco looked at her incredulously before saying, "Tell me, did you wait five seconds after seeing him to insult him or is that just your every day charm?"

"Have you gone mad?" she asked. "Whom are you talking about? Your father?"

Draco's eyes rolled in annoyance and he made certain his suite mate saw the gesture. "Yes, of course, my father. What you did was incredibly stupid, childish, irrational and so Gryffindor. You people are idiots and you try to push it off as bravery. Did you know that? I mean do you have a death wish or something?"

"It was 'incredibly stupid, childish, irrational' of me to walk out of a store? Because that is all I did, Draco, before your father accosted me. All I got was a greeting where he practically spit out my name and insulted our Headmaster," Hermione responded.

"He would have killed you given the chance, you complete imbecile. Did you forget with whom you were speaking? Why in the hell would you even talk to him when you know about his hatred of Muggles and Mudbloods!" Draco screamed, throwing his arms in the air as emphasis.

Hermione felt her anger rising at each word Draco was saying. "How dare you! How dare you make this out to be my fault! How dare you blame this on me! Your father cornered me on the street and started insulting me long before you got there. What would have had me do, run back into the store into the safety of my boyfriends arms? I am sure it would have made Daddy happy to see his only son protecting me. Or should I have run, screaming, down the street?"

Draco was so angry; Hermione was almost expecting steam to start shooting from his ears. "I can not and will not be held responsible for what my father would have done to you."

"I am not the one placing blame here, Draco. I am not the one calling people names," Hermione spat out before a new thought popped into her head, claiming a life of its own. "That's all I am to you, isn't it? I am just some filthy Mudblood that is good for a few laughs and a nice snog once in a while. THAT is why you wont tell anyone of our relationship. THAT is why we can't kiss or hold hands in the halls. THAT is why you haven't told me of your feelings. THAT is why you got so mad at me for being in the same store as you in Hogsmeade! God forbid that you are seen in public with the MUDBLOOD!"

Hermione stormed out of the common room before he could agree with her. She broke down in tears immediately and found that she was shaking so hard that she couldn't button her cloak. She had no idea where she was going to go. She did not want to run into anyone and have to be social, so that out ruled the library. She couldn't exactly go out and sit by the lake because students were constantly roaming the grounds, especially on such a nice day. She thought about going back and just storming into her room, but she didn't want to see any more of Draco's hatred.

"He thinks I am a useless Mudblood!" Hermione whispered to herself, finally understanding what had been happening the past few months. "He thinks I am lower than trash. He never had any real feelings for me. This relationship was all in my head! I bet he was just waiting for the word to bring me to Voldemort so they could capture Harry!"

She felt the tears begin to pour out of her faster than they had before her epiphany. She knew in her heart that Draco had been faking the feelings he had for her and that she had been made the fool.

Finding an empty classroom, she collapsed at one of the desks and howled, she was crying so hard. Never had she felt as stupid and moronic as she did right then. Her pain was almost tangible as it came off of her in waves.

She sat in the abandoned classroom for hours, crying, talking to herself and trying to come up with a plan to get over Draco. Her heart felt like it was literally breaking in two. Hermione had never been in love before, though, so she had no idea how to begin healing. 'Maybe there is a book in the library on how to do this.' She had already missed dinner, not that she was in any shape to eat, and she knew the library would be almost empty on a Saturday night.

With all the strength she could muster, Hermione gathered herself up and walked to the library to do some research.

~*~

"What are you doing here?" Hermione asked Misten as she walked back to their favorite table. She was not happy to see her friend because she knew she would not get the chance to be alone.

"No, the better question is what are you doing here?" Misten asked, missing Hermione's facial expression, as a small knowing smile crossed her face. "I heard you never made it to lunch. Did you have a hot date this afternoon?"

Hermione's eyes widened in shock at the words and she began to cry, just as hard as before. Her knees buckled as she landed on a chair at the table and shook as the sobs escaped her body.

Misten came around to Hermione's side and gathered her into her arms. The only person who had ever seen her cry like this was her mother, and she had spoken to Hermione and touched her in much the same way Misten was now. Misten made shushing noises as Hermione's tears fell in waves. As she embraced her, a huge torrent of pain began rising in Hermione that she knew she would not be able to stop. It seemed that everything she had been holding inside all year was pouring out of her through her tears and sobs, even though she had cried all afternoon. Misten continued to hold her tightly, resolutely and strong.

When Hermione had cried out all of her tears, Misten still didn't let go. They sat there, in total silence, rocking, and Hermione had never felt so much love from a friend. Deciding that she'd better pick herself up, Hermione was the first to beak contact, and she tried to smile at her friend.

"What did the insufferable arse do?" Misten asked in a quiet tone.

Hermione looked at her friend and tried to decide if she had the energy to tell the whole story. Just the thought took so much energy! "Can I tell you tomorrow? I am so tired and I need to get some research done."

Misten looked at her and said, "No way. You're going to tell me now so you can purge yourself of this pain."

"Misten, I appreciate you concern, I really do, but it's a really long story and..."

"And what? We don't have the time to discuss it? I am not going to sit here and see you in obvious anguish and not talk about it. You can do research tomorrow. Talk to me, now," Misten pushed.

Hermione sighed in resolve and began to tell the story, starting when she had left Misten on the street. As she got into the story, she found it was helping to talk about her day. She knew Misten would not judge her and would probably have some great ideas on how to get over a broken heart. After all, Misten had left her soul mate in the States; she had to know how to get past this!

As the story ended, Hermione was ready for the sage advice Misten was going to impart on her. However, Misten's was stunned speechless.

"Misten? Can you help me get over him?" Hermione asked.

"I think I might have to go up there and beat the living daylights out of him! What the hell was he thinking blaming you for his father's ignorance?" Misten asked rhetorically.

"Well, I think..." Hermione began.

"Wait!" Misten interrupted. "Are you certain he really thinks you're a whatchacallit? Are you certain that he's really been faking this whole time, or is this just your insecurity and pain talking? Was he faking it when he cried all those times in the common room? Was he faking it when he asked you to sleep in his bed? Was he faking it when we were in the Room of Requirement when you two confronted Ron, Harry, Ginny and me?"

Hermione felt her resolve breaking at her friend's words. 'Was he faking it all? Was he that good of an actor?'

"He fooled us all into believing he had changed! He was acting all considerate and compassionate to you when you were upset about Patrick! And he fooled us all before he told me he was a Dea...desperate person about his Mom." Hermione caught herself just in time. She was mortified with herself that she almost screamed out Draco's secret.

Misten looked thoughtful for a moment and leaned in to whisper to Hermione. "You mean he lied to us about being a Death Eater?"

Hermione's eyes widened in shock and she didn't know how to respond.

"Yes, Hermione, I know about that. Draco and I got quite close in the beginning of the year, if you remember, and we really don't have many secrets between us. I have known for a long time and I know he told you in the Headmaster's office. Oh, Professor Dumbledore knows that I know, too. But don't tell Snape because he does not know that I know," Misten said, shivering at the thought of being caught by Snape.

"But...you know?" Hermione managed to squeak out.

"I know lots of things. Many of which I wish I didn't. But lets get back to this. What really makes you think Draco could be that cold and ruthless?" Misten said waving her knowledge off like it was not important.

Hermione and Misten continued their conversation until the library closed. Looking quite scared, Hermione confessed that she didn't want to go back to her rooms, so the girls decided to crash in the Gryffindor common room. Misten even lent Hermione a pair of flannel pajamas and the two stayed up talking most of the night.

~*~

Hermione awoke to the sight of the sun peering into the room and she decided it was early enough to risk going back to her room without the threat of Draco being awake.

She knew from experience he was not a morning person and she was quite confident she could sneak in; shower and head t the library for some research before he even knew it was morning.

She wrote Misten a quick note explaining where she was going and left. Her nerves were quite shot as she made the walk back to her rooms from the Gryffindor tower. More than once she had to grab her own stomach and calm her breathing to wash away the waves of nausea. 'What if he's awake? What if he fell asleep on the couch in the common room? What do I say?'

No amount of talking, cajoling or reasoning from Misten the previous evening had convinced Hermione that she was not right about Draco's feelings and true intentions. As much as she hated to admit it and wished it were different, she knew that Draco had fooled them all.

Sneaking into her own common room felt silly, but Hermione had to be careful not to awake Draco if she wanted to have anything close to a productive morning. She quietly opened the portrait and was pleasantly surprised to see that Draco was not in the common room. She ran up the steps into her private room and quickly went into the lavatory, placing not only a privacy spell on the doors, but a silencing spell as well.

'Maybe it's not going to be so bad, after all!' she thought as she went through her morning routine.

~*~

One half hour later, Hermione was sitting at her favorite table in her favorite place in the entire castle. She quickly got to work looking for anything that could help her with her apprenticeship. She was proud of herself not only for her fine researching skills, but also because she was doing a great job of not thinking about Draco--much.

Looking in the books she had found on potions in the library had just reinstated her curiosity on finding a way to get over her broken heart. 'Maybe a potion is the way? They have love potions and lust potions; maybe they have hate potions' too!'

Hermione spent the better part of three hours not finding a thing about invisibility or disappearance potions or even hate potions, for that matter. Thinking it was a lost cause that morning; she decided to look in the last book she had been searching the last time she was there, before searching for her friends.

Hermione opened the book on lost potions and giggled at what she found. There were all sorts of interesting things like a potion for people who wanted to change the color of their hair, an underwear color-changing potion, a potion to change your hair style, a potion to change your skin color, texture or structure, a anti-freeze potion that could be used if you were frozen from the cold and even a sex-change potion!

According to the book, there was a potion that could be made, but it only made the person invisible after being attacked and only for about 30 seconds. This was made in attempts to get people out of the room they were being attacked in, not for spying as the Order had hoped. I was made from 1 slime jelly, 1 Unicorn skeleton bone, 1 tooth from an Orc and 1 pound of Orc meat.

It was a start and Hermione was getting excited about the possibility of using the properties and ingredients from this potion to create an entirely new one. Unfortunately, she did not have enough base knowledge in potions to be able to think of any changes that could be made.

Sighing, and trying to keep her excitement under control at the information she had found, she cleaned up her mess and made her way down to the dungeons to let her 'master' know what she had discovered. She found it hard not to skip down the hall on the way to his office.

~*~

Telling Professor Snape had been like cutting of her own arm to spite her face. Especially the way she entered, being so excited and out of breath from finding something so unusual. She had thought he'd have been pleased with her.

"Miss Granger," he said as he pinched the bridge of his nose, "do you honestly think that after doing research for, what, an hour, you could find the recipe for our potion? If it was that easy, wouldn't I have already found it and tried it?"

Professor Snape was sitting at his desk, grading papers, when Hermione had barged in and stood in front of his desk to share her enthusiasm in finding something so extraordinary. He was slowly grinding his teeth as she stood in front of him.

Hermione could feel her anger rising at his rude words and snarky behavior. "Well, considering you haven't told me a thing about your previous research or about anything you have already tried, how would I know that this was too 'easy'? You haven't exactly been straightforward on this for me."

Professor Snape's eyes narrowed in disgust and he snapped, "It is not my responsibility to apprise you of my work. As an apprentice you need to research what I have done and know where to start. Why am I not surprised that you have missed even the most basic of fundamentals on being an apprentice?"

Sighing and deciding to try a new approach, Hermione said, "Sir, I have a book on how to be an apprentice and..."

Snape's eyes widened and he got a mocking look on his face before saying, "You have a book? You got a book on how to be an apprentice? Shocking!"

"And no where in there was any suggestions about researching prior...research. I would be happy to hear what you have already done so that I can spend our time more effectively and know where..."

"Miss Granger, you are not helping my head-ache. All you need to know is that I have experimented with several better-known potions and that I have not had any luck. I expect your research to include some potions that are more remote," the Professor said as he stood.

"Professor Snape," Hermione tried again, "I think I need more guidance."

"Fine," he barked, "go look in the library and don't come back until you have at least five suggestions. Now get out!"

Knowing she'd get farther talking to Peeves about not being mischievous than Professor Snape in this mood, Hermione left the dungeons and went in search of someone who'd appreciate her mind.

~*~

Back in the library after a quick visit to the kitchens, Hermione settled in, again at her favorite table, to do her own revisions. She had not wanted to risk going to brunch on the chance she might run into her roommate. Now full from her breakfast and quite content at the possibility of having to spend all day here, she got to work.

It was barely an hour later when Misten walked up and smiled at her.

"Hi!" Hermione said her voice filled with wonder at the look on her friends face.

Misten gave her a half smile again and said, "Have you seen Draco?"

Hermione's smile slid off her face, and she looked down at her essay when she answered, "No. Not since yesterday."

"Well, I just left him," Misten said cryptically.

Hermione's head shot up as she tried to read the expressions on the face in front of her. "Well? What did he say? Did he tell you the truth about what happened? Did he laugh when he told you how angry I was when I left?"

"No, Hermione, he did not laugh and yes, he told me the same story you did, albeit from a different point of view. I really think you need to talk to him," Misten said in all seriousness.

"I'll talk to him when he apologizes to me for the way he spoke to me," Hermione said emphatically.

"Humph. He said the exact same thing," Misten said, almost too softly for Hermione to hear.

"So, how was he?" Hermione asked, trying to sound like she did not care one way or the other.

"Honestly? Okay. I mean he was obviously upset about what happened and he was very angry with his father and the way Dumbledore escorted you both back to your room, but he was okay. Although, I still have trouble telling when I am seeing the real Draco and when I am seeing the famous Malfoy mask," Misten said.

"So he wasn't the slightest bit sad with not seeing me all night?" Hermione whispered, her voice filling with all her doubt and insecurity.

"Sad? No, he's quite irate about the way you accused him of being a heartless bastard and then walked out. He didn't even get the chance to defend himself, Hermione. You should have given him that right, at least," Misten said, shaking her head.

Hermione blanched at her words and spat, "So, now you're on his side, huh? You spend the night comforting me and then run to his side in the morning to dress his wounds?"

Misten's face frowned in anger and pain as she said, "Don't do that, Hermione. You know as well as I do that I am not going to chose a side. I was looking for you this morning when I went to your rooms. He happened to answer the call at the door and we got to talking when I could see he was upset. You have to remember, HE is my friend, too."

"How could I forget?" Hermione said, her anger getting the best of her, "All you do is remind me every time I see you. You're always telling me how close you are to Draco, how much you depend on him, how you would never make it here without him."

Misten's face contorted in anger. "I never said such things, Hermione, and you know it. Why are you saying these mean and hurtful things? Are you jealous?"

"No, I am not jealous. But I do wonder what Patrick would think if he could see how much time you spend with Draco and how close you have become in the last few months," Hermione said with a vengeance.

Misten's face fell at her accusation and she stood to leave. Looking at the mess Hermione had become, she quietly said, "I am very disappointed in you, Hermione. I was only trying to help. I really think you should go and talk to Draco and work this out before it becomes bigger than it already is."

Hermione watched her only female friend walk out of the library and she felt awful. She had been mean and spiteful and had tried to hurt Misten by the words that she said. But Misten had only treated her with kindness. Her saying she was disappointed in Hermione hurt her more than if Misten had yelled back.

With tears streaming down her face, Hermione buried her head in her hands and cried like she had just lost her best friend. The trouble was, she was afraid she really did.