Hermione Granger and The Secret Fire

Chapter 12-Please Forgive Me (if I act a little strange; for I know not what I do)

Hermione's heart was breaking. It was shattering into a million tiny shreds of its former whole self. Not only could she feel it breaking, but also the pain caused by the sharpness of the tattered slivers of her heart as they punctured her lungs, making it impossible to draw in air. It hurt to breathe. It hurt not to breathe. Never had she felt something so awful!

After running back into her room, she had spent the better part of the last ten minutes sobbing her eyes out. She had lay on her bed and given in to the feelings of despair and disgrace. She had trusted Draco; really trusted him. Of course her romantic girly thoughts had gotten in the way of her logical common sense, but she was seventeen after all. Who did not want to be swept off their feet and romanced by a man who could change all the bad things in her life? She had thought that he was at least beginning to respect her as a person and not think of her as a mudblood. But now she knew the ugly, bitter truth. Draco did not care about her feelings or respect her in the least.

Hermione felt the tears overload her system once again as they began to fall freely. The logical part of her brain was trying to make sense of what was happening. She understood all to well what was going on inside Draco's room, but she didn't understand why she was reacting so violently to it; after all they had just kissed. It wasn't like he had proposed marriage!

But, as usual, Hermione's analytical, over-processing mind had created an alternate reality where she had gotten to live happily ever after. It was quite amusing when she thought about it; her disciplined, logical mind created a messy, disorganized alternate reality where she could be swept off her feet and where she was treated like the princess she always wanted to be, but believed it would never happen.

'I'm going to drown in my own tears,' she thought numbly. 'I have the ability to cry on demand, it seems. I need to get a grip on myself and face this like a Gryffindor.'

Although she told herself the words to find strength in them, they caused more sorrow because she was not sure she could face the situation bravely and it all seemed a bit more overwhelming than she wanted to admit. Not being able to handle it, not being in control, scared her as well as made her feel disheartened. But, at the same time, she felt angry and rejected.

"How dare he! How dare he kiss me one moment and throw me away the next! What kind of sick, perverted game is he playing?" she asked Crookshanks, who had found a nice resting point on the end of her bed.

She was going mad. That was it, wasn't it? She had finally fallen off the deep end. Taking a favorite line of Ron's, she had gone nutters!

'Maybe that had been Malfoy's...and we're definitely back to that name... plan all along.' Hermione thought to herself, refusing to speak aloud to no one, as that is what crazy people do. 'Maybe his plan was to make me crazy so Harry couldn't rely on my brains during the war against Voldemort. And the mark! The mark must be real and even that is part of the ruse to get me to think he is on the side of light whilst all the while drawing my mind into a dark place.'

For the second time in less than four hours she thought, 'Sometimes, I wish I could open up my own head and let myself out. I bet I could see things clearer that way and maybe then I would not be so monumentally screwed! I hate thinking this much! I can get trapped in my own mind so quickly and I can't seem to find my way back out!'

Hermione gathered up what reserved energy she had left and quickly walked back into her lavatory to finish what she had begun. If she could just get through the tasks with out hearing...

"Oh My God! That feels so good! Please! Oh, oh, oh!" came the female screech from Draco's room.

Hermione's eyes widened in horror and she ran out of the lavatory, through her room and out into the common room. She flopped on the couch and shuddered as she thought about just who was in Draco's room. As she sat there, she realized that if she continued to stay there, she'd get a first class visual of that person as they came out! 'Oh goodie, something to look forward to.'

Hermione picked herself up and walked out of the common room. As she turned the corner, she smacked into a firm, hard body that almost knocked her over. She felt herself falling and then strong arms grabbing her and righting her step. She looked up to see who had caught her and the astonishment at seeing whom it was caused her to lose her breath.

"Draco? But...you...I...what..." Hermione spattered out, staring unbelievingly at the figure before her. She tried to point back into their suite as a means of explaining her ramblings, but she could not seem to recover from the surprise at seeing Draco standing before her.

"Nice, Granger. Very articulate. There is no doubt as to why you are the top person in our class," Draco said, smiling and enjoying the shocked and amazed look on Hermione's face.

Hermione just stared at her roommate...boyfriend...suitemate. Her shock erased any memory of what was happening in their rooms. She watched as the smile slid off of his face and was replaced by a confused look of...something akin to pity. She couldn't look into his eyes when he looked at her that way. It simply reminded her that she was pitiful. She was so undeserving of his attention. Her eyes fell to the floor and she wished it would just swallow her up.

"What is it, Hermione? You don't normally act like this! What has got you so unglued?" Hermione heard him ask. She sensed his arms curling around her before it happened and she felt herself snuggle her head into his neck. Standing there with Draco's warm arms enveloping her body, protecting her, gave her the impression that she was safe. Taking a deep breath, she felt like she could almost get lost in the feeling.

"Malfoy, get OFF her," Ron bellowed from down the hall. "What the fuck! What are you doing to her?"

"Hermione, are you okay?" Harry yelled. "We're coming! Let her go, Malfoy."

Draco's arms did not fall to his sides, as Hermione expected. In fact, he seemed to hug her more tightly as they turned to see Ron, Harry, and Ginny running towards them.

Ron and Harry had their wands out and Hermione could practically hear the hexes the two were thinking about as they slid up to the couple. Only Ginny look impervious; almost amused.

"Stop it, Harry, Ron," Hermione said, as they shoved their wands into Draco's face.

Hermione noticed that his head moved back to get out of the way of the sticks being shoved almost up his nose, but that the rest of his body stayed wrapped around her, just as she wished it. "Put those things away."

"What did you do to her? What curse is she under?" Harry spat out at Draco. "Finite Incantum! Finite Incantum."

Hermione let out an exasperated sigh and said, "I am not under a curse. I am fine. I am simply getting some sympathy..."

"Sympathy? Sympathy from the devil?" Harry asked, looking incredulously between the Head Boy and Head Girl.

Hermione heard Draco say, "Get that thing out of my face, Weasley." Thankfully his arms did not leave their protective hold on her body.

"Harry, stop it. Hermione can take care of herself," piped in Ginny. "I am sure she has an explanation."

"Why...why..." was all Ron could mutter through his fury. Hermione had never seen his face so red; so angry. He had not lowered his wand and he looked like he was just waiting for the chance to attack.

"All right, I knew that the time would come that you guys would find out about Draco's and my..." Hermione stopped and looked up at Draco, unsure what term to use to describe their relationship. Unfortunately, he was looking like he was having a hard time controlling his own temper and wasn't really paying attention to what she was saying. "...Whatever it can be called."

Harry, however, had an easier time handling himself in stressful situations. Years of interaction with the Dark Lord could do that to a person. He turned toward Hermione and accosted her with his angry voice. "Draco? Did you just call him Draco? What happened to 'Malfoy' or 'Ferret-boy'? And what do you mean 'whatever it can be called'? Whatever what can be called? What is going on, Hermione?"

Ignoring Harry, Hermione was certain Ron's eyes were going to pop out of his head. He was seething with anger, as was Draco. Hermione was impressed with her boyfriend, however, that he had not removed his hands nor pulled out his wand in defense and that he was letting her handle the situation. Her first instinct was to invite everyone into the common room and sort all of the misunderstandings out. But as she stood there, she remembered why she left the common room in the first place.

Staring at her friends, Hermione thought, 'If Draco is here, who's up in his room? Who is having sex in his room? Gods! I can't bring them all back there now. Draco will kill whoever is in his room and having Harry and Ron there won't help the situation.'

Hermione's logical side kicked in and she quickly made some decisions. Appeasing to the calmest one in the group, Hermione turned to Ginny and said, "Take Ron and Harry up to the Room of Requirement. All of you go up there now. I'll be up there in a bit to explain everything. Right now Draco and I have something to take care of in our rooms."

Ginny nodded and tried to get the boys to leave with her by tugging on their sleeves as she knew they had heard Hermione's directive as well as she had. But Ron would have nothing to do with it.

"You have something to take care of in your room?" he yelled, "What? What is going on here, Hermione! What the fuck do you mean you have something to take care of in your room?"

Harry also had something to say about being dismissed. "I am not going to go and sit like a good boy in the Room of Requirement while you're down here shagging Malfoy."

Ron was just beginning to understand that Hermione wasn't under a curse and shoved at Malfoy, causing him to break his physical connection to Hermione. Turning to Harry, he screamed, "Wait a minute. Shagging? Hermione is shagging Malfoy? Tell me that I did not hear that." His face turned an interesting shade of green at the insinuation.

"I AM NOT SHAGGING ANYONE!" Hermione screamed, losing a bit of her control over the situation. "And thank you, Ronald, for making me announce that out in the hallway. Now, all of you, go to the Room of Requirement and wait for me there!"

Ron didn't look like he wanted to go anywhere but Harry had seen Hermione lose her cool only a handful of times, so he took her tone seriously. Between Ginny's insistent tugging and Harry's redirection, Ron began to move down the hallway, albeit begrudgingly.

"Nice friends, Granger," Draco said as they retreated down the hallway. His voice was filled with anger and Hermione hoped it wasn't directed at her but at the situation. "But what else would I expect from the Weasel and the Boy-who's-only-living-to-make-my life-as-miserable-as-possible?"

Hermione took a deep breath and decided to allow that comment to slip since her best friends had just been waving their wands in Draco's face. She felt his arms wind their way around her waist again and her kissed her softly, but persistently, on the lips. Hermione could hear him take a deep breath through his nose and she wondered what he was attempting to smell.

"Draco," she said, in between kisses. Hermione was quickly having difficulty remembering what she had to say to him that was so important.

Draco was peppering kisses down her chin and neck while walking backwards, leading Hermione back to the common room.

"Draco, we need to talk. I have to tell you something," Hermione insisted, waking slightly from her fog.

Draco did not stop his attention, however, rubbing Hermione's back with the palms of his hands and pleading with his tongue to let him further into her mouth. "Hmmmm...snog now, talk later."

Hermione had to pull herself out of this. With all the power she had, she let go of him, placing her hands on his chest and softly pushing him back. "Draco, I need to tell you something."

Draco sighed and ran his right arm through his hair, rolling his eyes at being halted during such a fun activity. "All right, what is it? What is so important that we have to stop this?" He took both of her hands in hers and rubbed the tops of her palms with his thumbs.

They had stopped just outside the portrait of the Mime Priestess, who was quietly snoring. Hermione didn't even know where to begin. She had no idea how to tell Draco something so...delicate...so personal. Sex was a very private thing to Hermione, and even though this had nothing to do with her, bringing up the words to him was going to be difficult.

"You...you asked why I was upset before," Hermione began. How was she going to tell him she was upset because she thought he was having sex with someone else? "I was upset...am upset because of something I overheard in your room."

Draco blinked at her, not understanding what she was saying. Hermione could see the concentration on his face as he tried to recall what he could have said, or who he could have been saying it to, that had upset Hermione.

"A few minutes before I came out here, I was in the lavatory and I overheard something from your room," she tried again.

"But I wasn't in my room. I have been with Snape for the last few hours," Draco explained, still confused.

"I know that...now," Hermione said, "But, when I was in the lavatory, I didn't know it wasn't you. And that is why I got upset."

Draco looked at her strangely as he tried to decipher what she was saying. "If I wasn't there, what could you have heard?"

Hermione blushed and looked down at the floor. In a very soft voice she said, "I thought I heard someone having sex in your room, Draco. But I must have been mistaken."

Draco went from calm to crazy in under two seconds. "What? You heard someone having SEX in my room?"

At her words, he let go of her and pushed at the Mime Priestess until she awoke. He then yelled the password at her, waiting for the door to open.

"Such a rude young man," the Priestess murmured as she allowed access into the common room.

"Draco, wait. I must have misheard something," Hermione tried to say as she pulled on his sleeve in an attempt to get him to slow down. He ran into his suite, which was now clean and very much empty. He stopped pacing and looked at her a moment before speaking.

"That fucking bitch!" Draco said, recognition finally drawing on his face. "I told her she could use it once, but that was it. That fucking slut! How did she get in and out of here without us seeing her?"

Hermione was shocked to hear such anger and resentment reflected in Draco's voice.

"Who, Draco? You allowed someone to use your rooms for sex? You knew about this?" Hermione couldn't help but ask. She was shocked at his lack of decorum.

He looked at her and saw the pain radiating from her body, as she misunderstood what he was saying. "Hermione, I told Pansy, once, that she could use my room for some...privacy. I never gave her consent to use it again and she definitely did not have permission to use it today!"

Hermione's shock turned to anger and she replied, "Why couldn't Pansy use the empty classrooms like everyone else? And what did you get in return for this favor; maybe a little something on the side?"

Draco grabbed her arm and steered her downstairs to one of the couches where they sat.

A few weeks back, I had to go home for some family...business. You remember?"

She nodded and he continued.

"Pansy needed somewhere to be with her new lover. I wasn't even sure if it was a boyfriend. She needed to go somewhere no one would see them, where they could truly be alone," Draco said.

Hermione thought back to that fateful morning when she had confronted Draco about hearing someone in his room when she had thought he was at home. He had said,

'What are you talking about Granger? Not that it is any of your business, but I was...wait. What did you hear? Did you hear a male voice, or a female voice? Or did you hear two female voices?'

Draco had denied the accusation at first, but then wanted details. If he had been there that night, he wouldn't have needed details!

'He must be telling the truth now,' Hermione thought. "Oh my Gods! That is why you got so excited that day when I accused you of having no manners when I overheard them having sex. I thought it was you in your room and you didn't even think to deny it before you got the gossip."

Draco looked at her sheepishly and grinned. "No need to deny if it'll do you better just not to say anything."

Hermione smiled at his Slytherin answer and asked, "Why did they need your room though?"

"I found out why they needed the privacy once I got back. He's...not a Slytherin," Draco explained.

"So what? She decided she wants to date someone outside of Slytherin and she has to hide it? Why?" Hermione questioned.

"Hermione, what you are not understanding is that Slytherins are a jealous, prejudice bunch and Pansy's new beau, not being one of them...well...it'll cause problems not just for her in the house, but outside of Hogwarts, too," Draco explained.

"Like at home? She has to date someone from Slytherin to make her parents happy?" Hermione said trying to grasp what Draco was saying.

"Yes, but more seriously than that she has been promised already and if her betrothed had heard about her...activities...it could cause huge problems," Draco said trying to will Hermione to understand.

"She's engaged already? But she's only 17! That's outrageous," Hermione said, floored at the news she was hearing. However, her gossipy side took over and she asked, "Who...who is she shagging?"

"Well," Draco said looking sheepishly again, "she's dating David Michael."

Hermione's eyes widened in surprise, "The tall guy in Hufflepuff? She's dating a guy from Hufflepuff?"

Draco nodded and added, "Don't spread that. They have been doing quite well and she deserves some happiness."

Hermione had no intention of spreading the gossip, as that was not a part of her personality. She just liked to hear it, like everyone else. Without dwelling on the 'happiness' comment, her over analytical brain moved to the next question. "To whom is she engaged?"

Draco's eyes left hers and looked around the room, almost like he was checking to make certain they were alone. "She's been promised to Byron Bedlevine. Do you remember him?"

Hermione shook her head no, and Draco explained, "He was a seventh year Slytherin when we were first years. He's been waiting for her since he left. The marriage was arranged when she was three and he was nine. His family wanted her to drop out at 16 and marry, but she threw a fit and he's letting her finish out the term."

"I'm sorry, I thought I just heard you say that he's letting her! How barbaric!" Hermione exclaimed. She could never imagine having someone else decide whom she was to marry and when it would happen.

"It's actually an old, pureblood tradition to arrange a marriage at such a young age. That way it is certain the woman has not been tainted and that the children will continue the pureblood line," Draco explained.

"Tainted?" Hermione asked, shocked at the usage of that word to describe a woman's choices of activities with men.

But a moment of clarity dawned on her and she asked, "Are you engaged...promised?" She was almost terrified to hear the answer.

Draco blanched and said, "No, thank the Gods! My parents did not have an arranged marriage, so they have just instilled since I was born that I was to marry a pure..." He stopped there, hearing his mistake. He noticed the look on her face, and tried to pretend like he didn't know that his word had hurt her. "What?"

Hermione was having a hard time not feeling sorry for herself at the news. Granted, they had only kissed a few times, but to be told she could never have him made her want him all the more.

"You have been told what kind of witch to marry your entire life. And we both know that I am not the kind of witch you are expected to wed. Why would you even start something with me, knowing that you can't get serious?"

Draco looked into Hermione's eyes, and began rubbing her face with his hands. He stared into her tear-filled eyes and said, "I don't care what my father says about most things anymore, Hermione. I am not going to worry about their ideal woman for me. I only care about you right now. You have shown me more concern, more care, than anyone else ever has, even when I was at home. You have made me feel comfortable and have trusted me even when no one else did. Just now you defended me in front of your friends, for God's sake. How could I not care about you?"

He looked at her and Hermione was afraid he saw her lack of security and self-esteem. She was quite certain of it when he asked, "When...how...what happened to you?"

"What do you mean?" Hermione asked, confused at the tenderness being shown to her.

"You've always had this aura of...confidence around you. It's slipping and I am wondering why," Draco said in a tone of voice Hermione did not recognize.

Hermione snorted. But she immediately realized that her snort was not one of the most attractive sounds she made. "An aura of confidence. That's rich!"

"I am serious," he explained in a voice filled with awe, "you hold your head up high when performing any task, no matter how menial it may seem, have friends coming out of the woodwork to help you in any way they can, even if it causes pain to themselves. You are brilliant in all of our classes and..."

Decidedly embarrassed, Hermione asked, "And what?"

In a very soft, shy voice, Draco continued, "and you have a physique that is unmatched, at least around here."

Hermione looked at Draco and realized that if he were playing her, if he was saying these things to trick her, she'd never be able to recover. She could see nothing but concern, respect and adoration on his face. She reached up, grabbed the back of his head, pulled him toward her, and gave him the strongest, most intense kiss she had ever been a part to.

They slowly lay down on the couches and Draco covered her body with his body. She felt his knees fall between her legs, opening her up to feel the heat between the two of them.

Draco's tongue moved in and out of her mouth and continued down her chin and neck. His hands were gently grazing the outside of her robes and she could tell he wanted to move them to feel her body. The truth was she wanted him to also, but she was scared.

Hermione was really beginning to enjoy the feelings washing over her when she felt Draco growing hard between her legs. This caused a new warm rush of adrenaline in her stomach. It was a terrific turn-on that she could create that kind of reaction in a boy. It also caused her to start to lose any inhibitions she felt. She was just ready to guide his hands onto her when she remembered that she had an appointment in the Room of Requirement with her 'best-friends'.

"Hmmm...Draco," she interrupted, grabbing his hands and holding them still. "As wonderful as this feels, and Gods does it feel fantastic, I have to go meet Harry and Ron upstairs."

Draco let out an exasperated breath and said, "Why? Why can't you stay here, with me? I am much more fun than they are."

Hermione giggled and agreed. "I need to explain some things to them. It's only fair. I am sure seeing me in your arms was quite a shock."

Draco sat up and said, "I told you they were the Weasel and the Boy-who's-only-living-to-make-my life-as-miserable-as-possible."

"I'll be back in an hour or so. Wait up for me?" Hermione asked trying to sound coquettish.

Draco looked at her as if she had sprung another head. "You're not going alone. I'll go with you. This involves both of us and I don't expect you to do it alone."

Hermione was stunned at Draco's offer. He was willing to go into a room with three other Gryffindors, two of whom wanted to hex him into next week, so that she could feel supported. Trying to lighten the mood so she didn't become emotional, she said, "Okay but don't expect me to come with when you confront the Slytherins."

Draco snorted and said, "That's one conversation I don't plan on having anytime soon!"

They walked out of the common room, hand in hand to face the task together.