Stepping over the Edge

People say conversation is a lost art; how often I have wished it were. - Edward R. Murrow

Chapter 4 - Serious talk

Harry woke up late the next day and, after cleaning and covering his wound, made his way to class. Breakfast was already over and classes had started so the hallways were empty, and he felt relived that he could walk in peace. He reached the Transfiguration door, opened it and walked in. After one quick glance around the room he spotted an empty seat at the back of the class and was on his way when Professor McGonagall stopped him.

"Mr Potter, how nice of you to come," she said sarcastically. The class were looking at Harry and then swiftly turned their heads back to McGonagall to see what she would do. Everyone knew that taking house points wouldn't matter to him and he never attended his detentions, so McGonagall's options were limited.

"Even if I would want you to stay, when you for once show up, the Headmaster has asked to see you as soon as possible," she said and pointed towards the door.

Harry got up, turned around on his heels, without looking at her, and walked back towards the door. However, the Professor once again stopped him.

"Since you have a knack for not showing up he asked me to escort you," She turned back towards the class. "You will keep on practising and if I find the room in a mess when I come back, you will truly regret it. I won't be long," she ended and walked out the door after Harry.

They walked in silence through the corridors, and Harry found himself cursing the living hell out of Lupin for turning him in like that. Harry didn't want to talk to Dumbledore, he didn't ever want to set another foot in that office, and now he found himself dragged there. It just wasn't fair. Couldn't they just let him deal with his life on his own?

"Sugar quill," McGonagall said and walked up the revolving stairs, Harry following her dully. She knocked on the door and entered without waiting for a response.

Harry walked in behind her and took a quick look around the room. He wasn't surprised to see Lupin sitting in one of the chairs looking at him with concern. Harry turned away from him again and walked up to the window instead. The rain was pouring down outside and the clouds were dark grey. He always found the rain relaxing and right now he really needed it.

"Thank you Minerva, you may return to your class," Dumbledore said. McGonagall nodded and walked out, closing the door behind her.

There was a few minutes silence before Dumbledore broke it again.

"Harry, Professor Lupin has told me about what happened yesterday. We are concerned about you."

Harry gave out a loud snort and placed one of his hands on the window. The rain had made it really cold, and he slowly ran his fingers across it. He wanted out of this room, out of this castle, out of this life.

"Harry, why did you feel the need to jump like that?" Lupin asked in a whisper.

Because he hated this life, hated this world and everything else they had thrown at him. He wanted out, he wanted to be free. But he stayed quiet.

"Why won't you talk to us? Please Harry, just tell us something," Lupin pleaded. "We want to help you, but you have to tell us how."

Harry continued to stare out the window. He didn't need their help; he was fine on his own.

"We have been forced to increase the security in the Astronomy Tower, and I ask you not to try it again," Dumbledore stated. "No one wants you to die Harry."

Harry spun around and stared at the Headmaster. "Yeah, I've only been killed nearly six times; all accidents of course."

The usual twinkles in Dumbledore's eyes were gone, and he looked at Harry with grief in his eyes. "I'm sorry Harry, I didn't mean it like that."

"Of course you didn't," Harry turned away from him. "May I leave?" he said, and without waiting for a response he walked out the door, slamming it shut behind him.

The two men looked at the closed door for a minute, silently going through everything in their minds.

"What do we do now Dumbledore?" Lupin asked after a while, turning his eyes towards the Headmaster.

Dumbledore sighed before he spoke. "We will have to keep an eye on him. Professor Filtwick has already taken care of the Astronomy Tower and I have put up some new wards that will inform me if someone leaves the grounds."

"But if he really wants to kill himself then there are other ways," Lupin said.

"Yes, but we can't make the castle completely safe, there are too many things that can be used to commit suicide. We will just have to watch him for any signs of what he will do. I also suggest that you try and talk to him on your own. Now when you have taken over Professor Murphy's job as Defence against the Dark Arts teacher you will have more time with Harry."

Lupin nodded slowly. That had been the reason Dumbledore had called him over yesterday. Professor Murphy had been forced to quit because of and accident with a centaur, and Lupin had gladly filled in the position for him. He loved to teach, but most of all he wanted to be close to Harry.

"Have you told the other teachers why the security has been increased?" Lupin asked

"Not exactly. I only told them that the Astronomy Tower had been unprotected for too long, and that it was luck that had kept all our students alive."

"Well, I should go get my first class ready," Lupin said as he got up from his chair. "I have the sixth year Gryffindors and Slytherins this afternoon. If Harry shows up I will try and talk to him."

"That sounds good. Just take it easy on him. After today I think the best way to get him to open up is to go slowly, don't rush him too much."

Lupin nodded and walked out the door, thinking about how he should do this.

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