Rainbow Fragments

Bubblegum Pink

Remus Lupin sat at the kitchen counter of the Burrow, where he and the other members of the Order who had been staying at headquarters had relocated for at least the next few days until more settled arrangements could be reached. It had been three days since the...incident at the Department of Mysteries, and Remus had spent each of those nights in the same manner that he did now, with warm milk in his hands and grief in his heart.

Sirius had meant so much to Remus, to whom so many people had meant nothing at all. Friend, confidante and sometimes lover, Sirius had been everything Remus had ever lacked; impulsiveness to Remus' careful planning, levity to his seriousness, light to his darkness. He had lost Sirius once before, of course, fifteen years ago, but it had been different then. Everyone in those times had known so much grief, and suspicion and lies had already torn the two friends apart. But this time they had been so full of hope and promise, so sure that this time everything would work out alright.

This time, Remus still cared.

Remus was broken out of his reverie by a knock on the door behind him. Turning around, he saw Tonks standing in the doorway; barefoot and wearing an oversized, dark blue man's shirt, her bubblegum pink hair shining in the moonlight.

"Sorry to interrupt you," she apologised, "but do you mind if I join you?"

"Not at all," Remus answered, shaking his head slightly as though to clear it of the memories flooding his mind. He watched her as she moved around the kitchen fixing herself a warm drink.

"Needs something stronger," she assessed when she took her first sip, before leaping up on the counter to reach into the back of one of the highest cupboards. "Lucky that Molly can't see back there," she said as she climbed back down, clutching a bottle of Firewhiskey. "Do you want some?" she asked, as she poured some of the liquid into her own mug and walked over to join him.

"Sure, why not," Remus answered, allowing her to pour a liberal quantity of the strong liquor into his mug.

"I couldn't sleep," Tonks explained, taking a sip of her drink, "I just keep thinking about...him." She paused as he nodded once, to show that he understood. "It seems so silly. I mean, he is - was - my second cousin, but I barely even knew him. He was in Azkaban for most of my life. But, somehow, losing him is still - Does this make any sense?"

"Sure it does," Remus answered quietly, "Sirius is - was - Sirius was an amazing person, and you were lucky enough to know him, and get to know him quite well in the short time that you were acquainted. You are as entitled to your grief as anyone else."

"Thanks," Tonks said. "You really cared about him, didn't you?" she asked, tipping her head to one side.

"Yeah," Remus answered, knowing that she had no idea of the significance of her question. "Yeah, I did."

They sat in silence for a long while, just looking at each other, Remus' half-drunk mind taking in the shockingly bright bubblegum pink of her hair, the deep brown of her eyes, and her pale, worried looking face. Suddenly, without quite knowing what he was doing, Remus found himself leaning across to her and stroking her cheek, before kissing her tenderly on the mouth. She kissed him back, and they stood leaning against the kitchen counter sharing impassioned, desperate kisses for several minutes before Remus' Firewhiskey-addled brain caught up with his actions, and he pulled back.

"What is it?" she asked, flushed and breathless.

"Nymphadora," he began, not quite sure how he was going to explain himself.

"You know I hate being called that," she said in mock irritation. "What's wrong?" she added gently.

"Nymphadora," he said, with more confidence, "I must apologise for taking advantage of you in this manner."

"No, I didn't mind, honestly-" she said quietly, as he continued to talk over the top of her.

"I am afraid the Firewhiskey rather went to my head," Remus concluded.

"Oh," she said, obviously disappointed, "oh, right. Me, too. Obviously."

"I really am very sorry," he said, genuinely apologetic for taking advantage of the lovely young woman.

"Forget it, Remus," she said, draining her mug and walking to the door. "'Night, Remus," she called.

"'Night, Nymphadora," he answered, hollowly.

Remus sat at the counter for a long time after the door had closed again behind her, thinking. He felt wretched for putting her in that position. He had genuinely hurt her, and for what? A few memories of an old lover, who had always meant more than he should, and half a glass of Firewhiskey.

~*~

Remus tried to speak to Tonks a few times over the course of the next week, but she usually managed to give him the brush-off, claiming she had to be elsewhere. The few times he did manage to speak to her, she proclaimed that she was fine, and that what had happened that night had meant nothing.

But as he observed her that week, her lovely, vibrant, pink hair that meshed so well with her personality faded slowly to a mousy brown, and she became quieter, more withdrawn.

At the same time, Remus was in some doubt as to his own feelings. For although he maintained that the kiss had been a drunken mistake, brought on by tiredness and Firewhiskey and too much grief, but there was a voice in the back of his head that insisted on filling his mind with things like how beautiful she had looked in the moonlight, and how relationships change, and that people needed happiness right now, wherever they could find it.

And Remus knew, with absolute conviction, that if he were able to give her all of himself, that they could be happy. But doubt held him back, just as it always had. For as normal as he was, as normal as he tried to be, Remus knew the wolf inside himself, better than even those who had witnessed his transformations ever had.

So he denied his feelings, and gave her no hint of them, even though he watched her slowly grow sicker and sadder.

The Order moved into a different temporary headquarters at the end of the week, and Tonks went to stay with some friends until they could move back into more permanent arrangements.

Remus was confronted less often by his growing feelings and concern for the usually spirited young woman. But still he could not deny that every time he closed his eyes, he now saw a peculiar shade of bubblegum pink.