Five Ways James Didn't Win Lily's Heart (And One He Did)

November 15, 1975

"Where've you been?" demanded Sirius, as James stuffed his invisibility cloak in his trunk. Sirius was bent over the incomplete Marauder's Map, scribbling something in one of the corners. "This thing is useless," he muttered.

"Got these in Hogsmeade," James said, drawing out a box of chocolates with a flourish.

"For me?" Peter said. "You shouldn't have."

"Not for you!" James cried, slapping Peter's hand away. "For her."

Remus and Sirius rolled their eyes.

"She'll probably chuck them in the bin," Sirius said.

"Or think them poisoned," suggested Remus.

"You may as well give them to me," Peter added.

"You three are most unhelpful," James said, deflating a bit. "Girls like chocolates. Especially chocolates wrapped up in pretty boxes."

"Okay, but this girl has been turning you down for the past three months," Sirius reasoned. "She's not interested."

"But I have not yet tried to woo her with candy," James pointed out.

"Suit yourself," Remus said, as James bolted down the stairs to the Common Room.

There, he found Lily sitting with her friends by the fireplace. He stepped up behind them and coughed loudly. The three turned around.

"Oh," said Lily disdainfully. "It's you."

"No need to sound so excited, Lily," James said lightly.

"It's 'Evans'," Lily insisted.

"Just thought you might enjoy these," James said, offering the chocolates.

"Oh, really?"

"I was thinking, perhaps you'd take the chocolates, and then go on a date with me," James said, trying his best to sound gallant.

"Then you're mistaken on two counts," Lily said, turning back to her friends. "I am not going out with you."

James visibly crumpled.

"Are you sure you don't want to just take the chocolates and think about i--"

"No, Potter."

James quietly returned to his dormitory, where he found his friends waiting expectantly. James said nothing, but threw the box of chocolates at Peter and flung himself face first onto his bed.

December 19, 1975

James came out of the bathroom vigorously drying his hair. He was humming a continuation of the song he had been singing in the shower.

"Please," Remus said without looking up from his work, "never let me hear you singing again."

"I'm practicing for the next phase of my operation to win Lily Evans," James explained, throwing the towel on the floor. "Although I can't decide whether she'd prefer 'You Are My Golden Snitch' or 'The Only Witch I'll Ever Love'."

"I'm going to go with neither," Remus said slowly, regarding James carefully. "Can't you just let the girl have a peaceful holiday?"

"Got her a Christmas present to go with my serenade," James added. "It's an enchanted necklace made from miniature Everlasting Poinsettias."

"I guess it would be useless to tell you you're wasting your time?"

"Yup!" James said cheerfully, running into Peter in attempts to leave the dorm. "Is Sirius downstairs?" he asked, grabbing Peter's hand to prevent him from falling down the stairs.

"Yeah," Peter said. "He's waiting with the guitar."

"The what?" Remus asked as James ran off.

Sirius was sitting on the windowsill picking at a guitar. He grinned at James and held out the instrument. "As requested."

"Okay, do you know how to play 'You Are My Golden Snitch'?" James asked, pushing the guitar back toward Sirius. Sirius looked dubious.

"James," he said. "I'm not going to play this for you. You asked me to get you a guitar, not learn a Gourdly Park number."

"I can't play the guitar and sing at the same time," James protested. "I can't even play the guitar without singing!"

"So enchant it," Sirius said standing up and handing James the guitar. "You're a wizard."

"I don't know how," James whined. "Please, Sirius? Please?"

"Okay, okay, hold on." Sirius grabbed the guitar back and took out his wand. At that moment, Lily entered the Common Room, and James bounded off toward her.

"Hey," Sirius shouted after him, "get back over here!"

James put an arm around Lily and guided her to the fireplace. "You look cold," he said as she pushed him off her. She knelt down on the hearth and took off her wet gloves and scarf, all the while treating James to a silent treatment.

From across the room, the opening chords to 'You're My Golden Snitch' began playing from the guitar, which Sirius quickly abandoned. James took a deep breath. He glanced at Sirius, who looked mortified for James' sake.

"You are," James began, horridly off pitch already, "the prize of my game."

What James lacked in vocal technique he made up for in volume. Lily spun around and stared at him. So did the rest of the Common Room. The attention only served to bolster James' confidence.

"You are the one I hope to catch,

"Chasin' after you is driving me insane,

"But I can't stop...

"You are my Golden Snitch

"You are the finest witch

"You make my heart soar like a broom

"You are my Golden Snitch

"You are the finest witch

"And I hope that I can catch you soon...."

As James was singing, Lily's face flushed. She looked in all directions for help, and her eyes locked on the only person who didn't look like they were enjoying the spectacle. Sirius had both hands over his mouth and wide eyes, slowly shaking his head as if he couldn't believe what was going on.

As James reached the second verse, Lily stared at Sirius and mouthed, "Do something!"

Sirius pursed his lips and looked around. "Sorry," he mouthed back with a grimace. Lily sat frozen all the way through the rest of serenade, not daring to look directly at James, who was pouring his heart out in the most grandiose way possible.

When James and the guitar reached the end of the number, the Common Room exploded into laughter and applause. Lily buried her face in her hands.

"So," James said, after the noise had died down. "Will you go out with me?"

He held out the package containing the necklace and waited expectantly. Lily scanned the room, looking for an exit.

"Say yes!" someone called out.

"Come on, Lily!" shouted another.

Lily summoned all her strength. She stood up and said clearly, "No, Potter."

The Common Room exploded with noise again, but Lily simply brushed past everyone and made her way up the girls' staircase.

"Thanks for all your help," she hissed at Sirius, who growled, "You should have just said yes, Evans."

Lily disappeared upstairs, and Sirius went to the fireplace to comfort James.

January 11, 1976

The train was sitting in Kings Cross Station, preparing to return to Hogwarts for the spring term. Armed with nothing but a wide grin, James prowled the carriages, searching for a certain redhead.

"James!" Peter called from behind. He was dragging his trunk through the narrow hallway. There was a cage under his arm containing a terrified-looking owl.

"Hey, Pete," James said. He pointed at the owl. "Christmas gift?"

"Yeah," Peter said. "Where's our carriage?"

"Down a ways," James said vaguely. "Have you seen--?"

"Sirius is on the platform having screaming match with his cousin. Remus is on his way."

"I was going to say Lily," James admitted, "but that row sounds interesting..."

"I saw Lily on her way to the prefect carriage," Remus offered, appearing suddenly behind Peter. James ran off in search of Lily, and Remus shouted after him, "Where you are not allowed to go!"

Upon reaching the prefect carriage, James paused. Should he knock? Shrugging, he did what he always did: walked right in.

There she was, laughing with some Hufflepuff prefect James didn't know. Seeing another boy make Lily laugh irked him, and he didn't hesitate in pulling out a small sheet of parchment.

"Lily," he interrupted, "I've got something for you."

Lily and the Hufflepuff looked up at him, surprised.

"You're not allowed in here, Potter," Lily said coldly, stressing her use of his last name.

James did not react to her comment, but instead read from the paper:

"Lily, your eyes are simply divine,

"The greenest of green, like very green slime.

"Your hair in the sunlight shines brighter than snitches,

"And your gorgeous complexion's the envy of witches.

"I've thought of you all the long holiday through

"And decided to write a short sonnet for you.

"I hope that you like it, as it took me an hour

"To write something worthy of you, my dear flower."

James beamed, waiting for Lily to say something, anything. When she spoke, her response was unexpected.

"That wasn't a sonnet," she said simply.

"What?"

"A sonnet has fourteen lines. That wasn't a sonnet."

"Okay," James said, taken off guard. "But will you go out with me?"

The Hufflepuff raised his eyebrows and Lily said, "No, Potter."

"But I wrote you a poem!" James protested, brandishing the parchment.

"I happen to be taken, at the moment," Lily said, smiling at the Hufflepuff. "Jason and I started dating over holiday."

James stared at her. This was impossible. Remus entered the carriage, with Peter in tow, and put a hand on James' shoulder.

"You're not allowed in here, James," Remus said, gently steering him out of the compartment. "Let's go rescue Sirius, okay?"

James dropped the poem on the ground as he allowed himself to be led out of Lily's sight.

October 3, 1976

"I heard Lily broke up with Jason Locke," Sirius said, tugging his Quidditch jersey over his head.

"What?" James shouted, jabbing his glasses back on his face. "When did you hear that?"

"Last night," Sirius answered, continuing to dress. "Leslie overheard them arguing on her way to meet me."

"Last night?" James repeated. "And you waited until today to tell me? This is important!"

"It slipped my mind, Prongs, calm down." Sirius grabbed his Beater's bat. A loud whistle sounded outside.

"Alright, you lot," James called, silencing the chatter in the locker room. "We've got a good game ahead of us. I know you'll all be brilliant. Sirius, Kelsey, make sure one of you is always on Penny. Hufflepuff knows we've got a new Seeker, and I'm a little concerned for her safety." He winked at Penny, a small third year, who gulped. "Ollie, George, I think we've got enough plays down that we can fly rings around the other Chasers. Alice, watch out for Locke. He might be shooting for some particularly violent goals this morning."

The Gryffindor Quidditch team blinked in the sunlight as they stepped onto the pitch. The crowds were screaming for the first Quidditch match of the season. James squinted up at the Gryffindor stands, but it was impossible to make any one person out.

"Do you think she's up there?" James asked Sirius.

"Who?"

"Lily, you twat!"

"It's the first game of the season. Everyone is up there."

"Righto, Padfoot," James said. "We'd better win. My plan is relying on it."

"What plan?" Sirius asked, sounding concerned, but Madame Hooch was approaching with the Hufflepuff team, and before Sirius had the chance to ask again, the game had begun.

The wonderful - and in this case nerve-wracking - thing about Quidditch, James observed, was that you just couldn't know who would win. Half an hour into play, Gryffindor was up by 70 points, but if Penny didn't get the snitch, it was over.

"And that's a foul!" cried the announcer. "Penalty awarded to Gryffindor!"

James sat back to watch Ollie take a shot at the goals, and Sirius flew up beside him.

"What plan are you talking about, Prongs?" Sirius demanded. James flapped his arms, motioning Sirius to get back to fending off Bludgers. Sirius pressed on, "I'm concerned for you dignity."

"It's nothing to worry about," James said, as Ollie sent the Quaffle sailing right between the Hufflepuff Keeper's outstretched arms and through the centre hoop. "Get back to the game, Pads!"

"And it looks like the Hufflepuff Seeker has spotted something interesting!" the announcer said, as the Seeker shot across the field.

"PENNY!" James screamed. "GET THAT BLOODY SNITCH!"

Penny was on the Hufflepuff's broomtail. As they approached the snitch, it became clear that Hufflepuff would snag the game.

"GO, GO, GO, GO!" James shouted, completely neglecting his duty as a Chaser.

At the last second, Penny swooped underneath her opponent, dropping two feet. So, by miraculous chance, did the snitch.

"YES! YES, YES, YES!" James cried, as Penny shot past him, grasping the tiny ball in her fist.

"And Gryffindor wins, with an incredible 250 to 20!"

"We won!" James cheered, practically colliding into the hovering huddle that was his team. Penny held out the snitch as Madame Hooch flew over.

"It's a beautiful thing," James said, as Madame Hooch made their victory official. "And now..."

"James, where are you going?" Sirius shouted, but James could barely hear him. Wind in his ears, he was zooming toward the Gryffindor stands. Floating above his housemates, he was welcomed with a huge cheer. There were Peter and Remus, already at the stairs, heading down to the pitch. Amidst the excited crowd was the girl he was seeking.

"Lily!" he called.

"What?" she shouted back.

"I've just led the Gryffindor team to the first victory of the season!" he said.

"I know, congratulations!"

"I think I've proved my worth today."

"What are you trying to say?"

"Will you go out with me?"

Lily froze. She looked around at everyone watching the pair of them. James thought perhaps she had not heard him properly.

"Lily, would you accompany me on the next Hogsmeade trip?" he tried again.

"I cannot believe you," Lily said finally.

"Is that a yes?" James asked hopefully.

"No, Potter," Lily said angrily, turning and marching out of the stands. James sunk down to the ground on his broom. Sirius was waiting on the grass.

"What was that about?" he asked, as they walked back to the locker room.

"She said no," James said, sounding both confused and saddened.

"You didn't just-- Prongs, why do you do this to yourself?"

"You said she broke up with Locke!"

"That doesn't mean you should ask her out the next day!" Sirius said, exasperated.

"I like her," James whined.

"I know that, but she doesn't like you. Maybe if you started acting like a normal person around her, she'd come to tolerate you."

"Maybe I'm not doing enough," said James, apparently ignoring Sirius' comments.

"I don't think that's the case," Sirius said. "In fact, I'd say the opposite is much closer to the truth."

"I'll just have to try a little harder, that's all," James said, his confidence rising quickly. "If I ask her often enough, she'll eventually have to say yes, right?"

"James, that's a horrible idea."

"Thanks for the chat, Padfoot," James said, his energy all but returned to him.

"Prongs--"

"I think this is the year!" James announced as he and Sirius entered the locker room. The rest of the team cheered.

April 28, 1977

"And there she is," James said, as Lily entered the Great Hall.

"Don't," chorused Sirius, Remus, and Peter without looking up from their breakfasts.

"What?" James said defensively. "This is the first time this week!"

"Yeah, but it's Monday," Peter pointed out.

"And who doesn't want compliments to start their day off?" James challenged.

"From you? Lily," Remus said, his mouth full of oatmeal.

James hopped up from the table and sprinted over to where Lily was about to sit. He pulled out the bench for her, shaking a group of first years sitting on the other end.

"Morning, Lily," he said with a grin. "You're looking particularly ravishing today. Is it your hair? The necklace? Or just your natural beauty?"

"It's too early for this," Lily grumbled.

"A lovely girl such as yourself deserves a man who recognizes your innate beauty," James went on. "I am just that man."

"No, Potter," Lily said listlessly. James shrugged and went back to his friends.

"What, did she say no?" Sirius asked as he returned.

"Not to worry," James said. "There's always Charms class."

There was Charms class. ("No, Potter.")

There was Potions. ("No, Potter.")

There was dinner. ("NO, Potter.")

There was the hallway after dinner. ("NO, POTTER!")

And then, there was that evening.

James and his friends were gathered around a table by one of the Common Room windows, bent over a large piece of parchment. Every couple of minutes, James scanned the room. After nearly an hour of this, he saw Lily entering the Common Room and sitting on one of the couches.

"Why don't we continue this upstairs?" Remus suggested, also noting Lily's presence and sensing danger.

"Take the map, I'll clear up the rest of this," Sirius said.

"All right," James agreed. "Padfoot and I'll meet you two up there."

Remus and Peter exchanged wearied looks and went upstairs. Sirius shook his head as James sauntered over to Lily.

"Lily," he said, draping himself over the arm of her couch. "How are you this fine evening."

"I'd be better if you left me in peace, Potter."

"Just one date," James said. "Come on. Go out with me."

"James Potter, you are going to leave me alone!" Lily shouted suddenly, standing up. Her face was getting redder by the second. She had drawn the attention of the entire Common Room. James got off the couch and opened his mouth to speak.

"Can't you tell that I absolutely will never say yes?! I cannot stand you, Potter. Let me make that clearer to get it through that thick, egotistical head of yours: I CAN'T STAND YOU AND I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! You are constantly around me and you'd better leave me alone or I'll hex you!"

Lily stormed off without waiting for a response. James stood frozen, staring at where she had been. The Common Room, which had been utterly silent during Lily's outburst, slowly regained its volume. Sirius cautiously walked over to James, who had yet to move.

"Prongs?"

Nothing.

"James?"

Nothing.

"Hey," Sirius said softly, gently punching James in the arm. James started and shook his head, as if trying to clear his thoughts. Sirius put his hands on James shoulders and said, "You okay?"

"Yeah," James said quietly.

Peter hurried over to them.

"What happened?" he asked. "Remus and I heard shouting from upstairs--"

"Tell you later," Sirius said, leading James to the dormitory. "For now, I think we can assume James is done chasing after Lily Evans."

December 3, 1977

"Where's Pron--"

James popped up from behind the sofa and deftly put Sirius in a headlock.

"What's this for?" Sirius demanded. He grabbed James by the shoulders and dragged him over the couch. The two tumbled onto the hearth.

"Watch out!" Peter cried, shooting water at the bottom of James' robes, which had started to smoke.

"They'll just never grow up, Wormtail," Remus said serious, but he was grinning.

"Excuse me," James said pompously, standing up straight and brushing himself off. "Growing up does not mean never having fun."

"Speaking of having fun," Sirius said sitting cross-legged on the floor, "I've asked Elaine Anderson to Hogsmeade for next weekend."

"Is she the short blonde with the big...you know?" Peter asked.

Sirius laughed. "Yes," he said. "She's a sixth year Ravenclaw."

"You'd better treat her well," Remus said. "I hear Ravenclaws are high maintenance."

"You would know, Moony," James said wisely, tapping the side of his nose. Remus blushed a little.

"Speaking of dates," Sirius said, "the Head Girl has her eye on us."

"Stuff it, Sirius," James said, but he turned to look at the armchair where Lily was curled up with a book. She was staring at them.

"She's been watching since you came downstairs. And I don't think she's watching because she thinks we're causing trouble," Sirius said. "I think she's had her eye on you, Prongs."

"She sees us looking," Peter said, and sure enough, Lily jolted as she realized the four boys were staring back at her. She looked away.

"Ask her out," Sirius goaded.

"She'd kill me," James said, but he didn't sound like he believed it.

"She may have had a change of heart," Remus suggested.

"Do you want us to wait down here?" Peter asked.

"No, no," James said, waving them toward the boys' staircase. "I can do this on my own."

He watched his friends go, and took a deep breath.

"Lily, your ears are turning red," James said as he approached. Lily looked up from her book.

"Oh, I know," she blurted out. "Hi."

"Hi. Did you think you were being really sneaky there, spying on us?" James grinned, hoping to hide his nervousness. "'Cause you may have gotten away with it were we not the Marauders."

Lily gave a small smile and said, "I'm afraid I'll never be able to take that name seriously."

"You probably won't. Lily, I wanted to ask you something. I wasn't going to, but Sirius saw you watching us and said it didn't seem like you were making sure we weren't causing trouble, so... Yeah, the guys convinced me to, so if it bothers you, take it up with them."

"What, James?" Lily said. James looked at the floor, gathering his courage.

"Well, we have a Hogsmeade trip, you know, the last before Christmas," he began, looking right at Lily, "and I thought, well, hoped, that maybe you'd like to, uh, go. With me. Like a date."

James closed his eyes, waiting for the "No, Potter." It never came.

"I think I'm coming around," Lily said.

"What?" James opened his eyes.

"Yes."

"What?"

"Yes!"

Lily was grinning, and so was James.

"Yes," he repeated.

"Yes, Potter," she said softly.

"I have waited a long time to hear those words," James said. "I-- Thank you, Lily."

"Thank you, James, for waiting."

James ran up the boys' staircase, taking the steps two at a time until he crashed through the door to his dormitory and leapt onto his bed.

"SHE SAID YES!"