Of Chocolate and Chupacabras

Neville came home from work to discover a whirlwind had gone through the kitchen, leaving disaster in its wake. Pots and pans and foodstuffs were scattered all along every flat surface, open containers were everywhere, the refrigerator door was still open.

And sitting at the kitchen table, sobbing uncontrollably, was his very pregnant wife.

"Luna?" Neville gingerly edged further into the kitchen. Even with the usual ups and downs of pregnancy, Luna hadn't shown the wild emotional mood swings Ginny or Susan or Hermione had exhibited. The fact that Luna was crying at all made Neville very, very nervous indeed.

Luna looked up at him, nose red from crying, tears streaking her face. "There's no chocolate in the house!" she wailed. "I looked everywhere, Neville, everywhere, and there isn't any! Will you go bring some chocolate back for me? Please?"

"I...sure!" Neville found himself nodding in agreement. Anything to stop her tears, he thought. Nothing was more frightening than seeing a woman cry. Once they were crying anything was possible, usually unpleasant, as Ron and Harry had confided in low whispers. Tears were something that needed to be stopped as quickly as possible. "I'll go to Honeydukes right now!"

Luna shook her head. "I've asked already. It's not there."

Neville blinked. "What do you mean it's not there?" he asked carefully. "Honeydukes is a sweets shop. They have all sorts of chocolate there..."

"But none of it's the right kind! I Firecalled earlier; and they don't have Mexican Jumping Chocolate. I have to have Mexican Jumping Chocolate, Neville!"

Neville glanced around the wrecked kitchen. He was fairly certain he'd never brought home any of the chocolates Luna had just described; but maybe she'd had a secret stash. Chocolate stashes were something else women did, Harry and Ron had solemnly assured him at his bachelor party, just before he and Luna had wed. Such stashes needed to be replenished on a regular basis, if mankind was to survive with their bits and sanity intact.

"Is - is chocolate that makes you jump good for the baby?" he asked, eyeing Luna's gloriously round belly. "I wouldn't think..."

Luna shot him a glare that he'd never seen from his typically mild, ethereal wife until now. Neville nearly swallowed his tongue in terror.

"The chocolate jumps, Neville," she explained, obviously holding onto her heretofore unheard-of temper with both hands. "It won't hurt the baby at all."

Neville nodded frantically to show he understood, and took the next cautious step into the unexpected minefield onto which he'd inadvertently stepped. "I've never heard of Mexican Jumping Chocolate. Where can I find some?"

"In Mexico," Luna replied, her already wide eyes widening further. "It wouldn't be Mexican chocolate then, would it? I tasted it once when I was little. Daddy brought it back from a trip there while looking for chupacabras. He didn't find any, but obviously they're real, since the chocolates were shaped like them. I worry about you sometimes, Neville."

"You want me to go all the way to Mexico just to buy chocolate?" Neville squeaked.

It was the wrong thing to say. Luna stared at him in something akin to horrified disbelief that he might not fulfil her wishes, and dissolved again into tears, sobbing the one phrase husbands everywhere dreaded hearing. "You don't love me any more! It's because I look like a baby Crumpersnip, isn't it?"

"I'll be back," Neville said, holding up his hands and retreating backwards. "I'll find the chocolate."

He fled before anything even more catastrophic could occur.

~~**~~

There was no Mexican Jumping Chocolate in any of the magical sweets shops in all of the British Isles. Neville discovered this after several hours of Firecalling every single one of them. Finally, in desperation he called on the one person who knew everything.

"Hermione, thanks for meeting me," he said gratefully as she entered Bilbury's Coffee and Confections and sat down opposite him. "I need your help. Luna's really upset, she wants chocolate and I can't find any and she's crying and I don't dare come home until I find what she wants because I want to keep my bits and..."

"Neville, slow down," Hermione said kindly, resting her hand on his arm. "Take a deep breath and tell me what happened from the beginning."

"Luna's father brought back jumping chocolate from Mexico when she was little, and now she wants more," Neville said miserably. "I guess they're like Chocolate Frogs, only she says they're shaped like ch-chupa-chupa-something-or-other."

Hermione's eyebrows shot up. "Chocolates shaped like chupacabras?"

"That jump. You've heard of them?"

"They're a Muggle urban legend," Hermione said with a dismissive sniff. "They're not real, Neville." More thoughtfully, she added, "However, the fact that the Mexican Wizarding community makes them with that particular shape could suggest otherwise. After all, I never thought dragons were real either until I found out I was a witch. How very odd..."

"Chocolate?" Neville reminded her, before Hermione got too far ahead and decided she needed to research the reality of chupacabras that very second.

"Oh! Oh, yes." Hermione visibly pulled her attention back to the critical matter at hand. "Well, I read that the city of Oaxaca was a major chocolate centre. You could check the Wizarding community there."

"Can I use your fireplace?" Neville asked hopefully. "It's probably best I avoid Luna until I find some."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "I don't know why you're tiptoeing around her. She's the least temperamental person I've ever known, next to you. Of course you can use my fireplace."

Neville, wisely, said nothing further than a heartfelt 'thank you'.

~~**~~

A few calls to the Floo Network Authority gave Neville the locations of several different shops in Mexico that might possibly carry the chocolates he so desperately needed. Hermione had mentioned Oaxaca has a major chocolate processing centre, so that was where he began his search.

Oaxaca was six hours behind London time, which meant the shops were luckily still open for business. The problem, Neville discovered, was finding someone who not only spoke English, but one who could understand his North Country accent enough to decipher what he needed.

"Chocolate que salta mexicano, si," a grey-haired woman finally said, adding in a thick accent, "Owl delivery, or through the Floo-fire?"

"Floo-fire, por favor," Neville said quickly. The shorter Luna's unhappiness lasted, the better for everyone involved. "Are they shaped like chupacabras?"

Fortunately, they were.

One box cost two Galleons, which Neville thought was an outrageous cost under any other circumstance, but was warranted in this case. Fishing the money from his pocket, he passed it through the greenish flame and was rewarded by a well-wrapped box charmed to keep the wrapping from catching fire and the precious contents inside from melting.

Opening the box, he saw that apparently chupacabras were shaped something like a cross between a dog and a reptile. He thought they were rather too creepy-looking to eat, but Hermione found them fascinating.

"I wonder if they jump like that in real life. Look at them!" she exclaimed, chasing an errant chocolate. "They certainly have a greater range than your average ordinary Chocolate Frog."

"No collector's cards, though." Neville captured another chocolate and hastily slammed the lid back on the box before any more could escape. They could really jump! "I'd best get home to Luna," he said, making sure everything was secure. "Thanks so much for your help, Hermione."

"My pleasure!" Hermione beamed as Neville Apparated home, precious cargo safely stowed in his robe pocket.

Luna had cleaned the kitchen while he was gone. It sparkled like brand-new, proof of her recently acquired nesting instinct. It was the second time he'd found the house cleaned top to bottom in the past week.

He found her in the lounge, using several Cleaning charms to dust the tables, hoover the rug, and polish the candlesticks. Her eyes were dry, something that made Neville feel somewhat hopeful.

"I found your chocolate," he said, retrieving the box from his pocket. "I know where to find them now."

He found himself with an armful of Luna a moment later as she threw her arms around him. "You darling man!" she exclaimed, taking the box and opening it. Deftly catching a chupacabra-shaped chocolate, she bit its head off and sighed happily. "They taste just as I remember."

"Anything for you," Neville told his wife fondly.

~~**~~

Several months later, while rocking his infant son back to sleep, Neville received a frantic firecall from Ron, who was going to become a father again himself in a few short months.

"D'you know anything about Mexican chocolate?" he asked desperately. "Hermione's throwing things at me, and said I should talk to you..."