Intervention Upon a String

Chapter Four

"HELL no!" Marcus whined.

He had been protesting with Angelina now for a good ten minutes. Here they were, minding their own business in the woods when Angelina's damn curiosity had to get them in another fix. She had climbed an embankment and he foolishly followed and peered into the clearing with her.

At first, Marcus had to blink a few times to make sure he saw what he thought he saw. The clearing was a lush green and blue but there upon the middle of the downy grass was a creature so magnificently white that it was almost blinding. The animal let out another wail and tossed its head up in pain as its silver main settled beside it, revealing itself as a majestic and solitary unicorn. It lay upon its side heaving with a rather large bulge in its abdomen. Despite the protest that a creature in distress was attracting predators and giving them a problem they didn't need to deal with, Angelina was adamant on helping.

"She's giving birth, Marcus. We can't just leave her!"

"There is no fucking way I'm going over there," Marcus said and paled, feeling the need to run very fast and very, very far away from this situation.

"She could die! Come on!" With that, Angelina crawled up the remainder of the embankment and cautiously approached the unicorn.

"Then let her die! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?"

The unicorn tossed her head for a moment and huffed; her glassy brown eyes analyzing Angelina in fear as she approached. Angelina took it one step at a time. "It's ok," she cooed gently. "I won't hurt you."

Somehow, the unicorn flopped her head down and calmed. Her nostrils flared with labored breathing. Gently, Angelina knelt down and put her hands on the beast's stomach. She was definitely pregnant, but where was the herd? Angelina glanced around and noticed that Marcus had curiously inched over towards her and stood nervously by but at a safe distance. "It's ok," Angelina said to him. "Here. Help." She latched onto his wrist and yanked him down.

"No!" Marcus yelped.

"Don't worry," Angelina said passively. "She won't hurt you as long as I'm here. A virgin's touch calms unicorns."

Marcus cocked an eyebrow at Angelina as she passed on a rather interesting fact about her sexuality to him. However, he didn't have time to remark on this as Angelina pulled him to his knees and placed his hands on the side of the unicorn's distended stomach. Marcus gulped. He looked absolutely mortified. "Ok," Angelina said in a business tone. "The foal is probably twisted. I'm going to try and maneuver it around."

She knelt up and shrugged off Marcus's jumper and crawled over to the backside of the crying unicorn. Taking a deep breath of courage, she kept one hand on top of the animal's leg to comfort her as her other arm reached up inside to feel the baby.

Marcus planted his hand over his mouth in sheer disgust. It was then that he vowed to never have unprotected sex ever again as long as he lived. As terrifying and gross as the scene was, he couldn't tear his eyes off it. Angelina was chewing on her lip and feeling around. "I feel the baby!" she exclaimed and pulled her hand out.

"I feel my breakfast coming up my throat."

Angelina ignored Marcus. "Ok, luckily it's head-first, but I think its feet were getting in the way. I'm going to gently push on her stomach and you're going to catch," Angelina said.

Marcus swallowed back his vomit. "I'm going to what? Fuck. No."

Angelina finally looked up at him with desperate eyes. "Marcus, please! We can't just let the both of them die."

"Why not?!"

Angelina growled and yanked Flint down again. Luckily, in his state of panic, he fell right to his knees behind the animal. "Why do I have to be over here?!"

"Because I have to stay where she can see me. If not, she'll panic and kick you."

"Which is why we should just leave her alone!"

"No! Marcus, just do it!"

For the life of him, he couldn't understand why this meant so much to Angelina. It was just a dumb unicorn having a really bad day and he couldn't see why it needed to be their problem all of a sudden. Going a shade whiter, Marcus swallowed hard as he watched Angelina gently press on the side of the unicorn's stomach. The animal gave another mournful wail and thrashed slightly. Instantly, both Angelina and Marcus backed off a bit. "Shhh, it's ok," Angelina whispered and pressed again.

"The hell am I supposed to do!" Marcus asked in bewilderment when he saw the head of the foal emerge. Where was that noose? He glanced around in a panic until Angelina smacked his hand.

"Pay attention!" She hissed. "I'm pressing one more time."

She did so and the unicorn gave one last cry as the foal came out a lot faster than Marcus was prepared for and was soon pinned on his back by a rather exhausted wobbly baby.

For several moments, all was silent. Angelina was staring wide-eyed at Marcus as he lay panting with an equally breathless foal. "I hate you," he finally said. "I really, really, hate you."

The mother unicorn managed to take one last look at her baby before her head fell and she released her last breath. Angelina watched sadly and then patted her soft white fur. The birth had been too much on her body. But there, dirtying Marcus's white shirt with silver blood was something that made it all worth it. Angelina smiled as tears glistened in her eyes.

"Get it off," Marcus said through clenched teeth.

Angelina crawled over to the two of them and gently lifted the slimy unicorn into her own lap. The little foal's large golden ears flapped curiously as it shivered. Angelina smiled at the tiny horn upon its head. "It's a boy," she said as Marcus sat up and scowled at his shirt and pants in disgust.

"I could give a rat's ass. Now what the hell are we supposed to do? Every fucking flesh-eating animal in the forest is going to smell all this blood and come running. This is all your fault! You ruined my jumper!" He eyed the sweater Angelina had discarded earlier. It was now covered in dirt and silver blood. "AND YOU...," he continued and narrowed his eyes at the unicorn. "YOU stay away from me!"

The foal had already attempted to stand on wobbly legs much to Angelina's enjoyment. However, it was still a bit shaky and tripped over towards Marcus who couldn't get up fast enough. The baby tumbled into his lap again and panted. "OH. FUCK. YOU!" Flint yelled and then looked up in the trees. "DOES ANYONE ELSE IN THE FOREST WANT TO COVER ME IN SHIT?"

Angelina giggled. "Calm down. We'll wash your stupid clothes at a river. Come on."

They both got to their feet as the unicorn bleated and tried to strengthen his limbs. For a moment, the both of them stood there and watched the baby prance around in amusement. "Great. So the most humane thing now would be to reunite him with his mother so how about we just kill the parasite and move on before he slows us down?" Marcus suggested.

"How about no? Besides, do you really want to live a cursed life?"

"I thought that's exactly what this was." He began to walk and the unicorn obediently followed. Marcus spun around in anger. "Stop following me! I hate you! You ruined my jumper! SIT! STAY!"

The unicorn only stared up at him innocently. Angelina laughed and headed off again with Marcus behind her and the unicorn trailing loyally between them and kicking out his new legs. Their journey continued in silence for the most part. Angelina would glance behind her to see where the baby unicorn was and was relieved to find it so obedient. It never strayed too far and anytime it stopped to sniff something curiously, it quickly dashed forward to catch up with Marcus and Angelina again.

Marcus's stomach growled a bit later. "I'm hungry. Can we please eat him?"

"No," Angelina said. "You can't eat our baby."

"Woah, woah, woah. Our baby? No way. If I'm going to be father for this little prancing shit, I at least want to fuck you for it to make it legitimate."

"How about we skip the making love part and be happy with this pretty unicorn we made instead."

"In that case," Marcus snorted, "I refuse to pay child support and I'm going to slip rat poison in your baby's bottle."

Normally, Angelina would have smacked Marcus for that remark but she was too busy being distracted by the site of water straight ahead. "A river!" she exclaimed and ran off towards it. She was rather thirsty and wanted to wash up a bit too.

Marcus stopped and looked down. The unicorn was looking up at him. "Go chase after her and drown," he told the animal. The unicorn didn't respond. Sighing, Marcus trudged off towards the water. When he reached the bank, he peeled his shirt off and tossed it at Angelina who was kneeling and drinking. "Wash my clothes, bitch."

Angelina knelt up and gave him a daring glare. "Excuse me? I am not your maid. Wash them yourself." She picked up the shirt and threw it back at Marcus. The baby unicorn gently knelt by the riverside and lapped up some water. Marcus threw his shirt and jumper back at her.

"No. They're dirty because of your bullshit. You wash them," he said.

Angelina had enough. Grinding her teeth, she took his shirt and jumper and slammed them down into the muddy embankment; smearing them around in the mud. She tossed the sopping shirts back at Marcus and they hit him in the face. "WHY YOU LITTLE...!" Marcus shouted and stormed at Angelina. She tried to scramble away but he took her arms and then swung her out into the river.

Angelina hit the water face first and it rushed up her nose. Surfacing, she sputtered and wiped the water from her eyes while glaring at a very smug and satisfied Marcus Flint on the riverside. The stream was actually quite deep and came up to her chest. "You bastard!" she spat.

Marcus smirked. "I try."

But seeing as Angelina already was in the river, she knew the perfect way to gain revenge. It would require Marcus to stand exactly where he was. She smirked. "Man, this river feels good. I'm going to wash up," she declared and dipped beneath the water to cover up her chest before taking off her shirt and tossing it to shore.

Marcus saw the shirt land and growled. "Get out of the river."

"You throw me in here and now you want me to get out? Make up your mind," Angelina said, trying not to smile as she unclasped her bra as well.

The water hid her exposed body leaving Marcus red in the face and very eager to jump into that river as well. However, looking down at his feet, he somehow remained planted on the riverside. "Blast it, woman! I don't want to waste more time," Marcus said. "Get out."

Angelina cocked an eyebrow and grinned. "Make me." She put her back to him and stood to full height to sweep some cool water over her back and arms. Grinning, she knew Marcus was probably having a fit on shore. Why wouldn't he just jump in and get her?

Marcus was actually more concerned with the river than he was with Angelina's hidden nakedness. He stared at the ripples in the water and how they deceivingly hid unseen dangers. Angelina glanced over her shoulders and was a bit surprised to find Marcus staring at the surface instead of her. "Come on, Marcus," she said, her tone lightening up a bit. "It's not that deep. If you come in, maybe I'll give you that snog I owe you."

Marcus finally looked at her and scowled. "Do you think I'm as stupid as you? I hope you drown." With that, he bent down to grab his shirts. "I want to leave in two minutes," he demanded and then walked over to the drinking foal. He placed his foot directly behind the animal as if getting ready to kick it in. "Or else..."

Angelina narrowed her eyes. "Kick him in and die."

"I already tried killing myself. Do you think I care? Get out."

With that, he stalked off to wash his clothes were she couldn't see him. Angelina waited until he was out of site before rolling her eyes and getting out of the river. Quickly, she washed her shirt and bra while muttering and yanked them on again before calling for Marcus. "Flint. I need a drying spell," she said loudly so he could hear her.

Marcus chose to ignore her as he scrubbed the dirt and blood out of his jumper and shirt the best he could at the riverside. They were still stained but it would have to do. Sighing, he dried the clothes with a charm and was about to pull them on over his head when a rustling to his left alarmed him. He looked and then growled. The stupid baby unicorn had snuck up on him and stared at him innocently. "What the hell do you want?" Marcus grumbled. Just then, the foal unexpectedly licked Marcus right on the nose, leaving him very bewildered and then very angry. "WENCH!" He yelled for Angelina. "COME GET YOUR STUPID BEAST!"

Angelina walked over and smirked. "I really can't fathom how anything that sweet would fancy a sod like you. I need your wand." She strolled over and yanked it from his hand and dried herself before handing it back. "If something loves you, you should love it back," Angelina added as she walked away.

"Fuck you," Marcus spat and stood up to put his shirt on. He stormed past her. "What the hell do you know anyway? You're just a slut giving me a striptease in the river."

Angelina's jaw fell. She really didn't see it like that. She slammed her fist against a tree. "What the hell is your problem? I'm so sick and tired of your grumpy little arrogant outlook on life! Maybe you should have eaten those berries so you'd be a drunken fool. Your constant bitterness is really bloody annoying."

Marcus threw his hands in the air. "Oh, excuse me, princess! How can I ever make it up to you? Well, I'll tell you what I'm sick of! I'm sick of your stupid, careless happy-go-lucky bullshit in the middle of the Forbidden Forest that's so far had you sinking in quicksand, eating poisonous berries that had yourself offering to me--which, I'd like to remind you, I did not take advantage of but instead carried your ass for miles, and then throwing a bloody fetus on me. Oh, and let's not forget you giving me an erection every five minutes only to lie about any of your intentions. Trust me, you're no fucking joy to be around either, bitch-AND STOP FOLLOWING ME!"

The last part came out for the baby unicorn who was staring up at him unfazed. It bleated once. Marcus stormed past it and began to collect firewood. It was only mid-afternoon but he was tired from keeping watch all night, frustrated, and very hungry; a terrible combination.

"Flint, I know you've had a really shitty day and it must be a national tragedy and all, but in case you didn't notice, I'm stuck out here too! This isn't a picnic! But I'm not going to dwell on it like a prat and make everything around me miserable! Sure I got into some trouble out here but I'm still alive! That's how I know you're really a good person behind that pathetic little façade."

Marcus tossed down some wood. "Woah! You're still alive? And why do you think that is, princess? For the billionth time: the only reason I keep you around is because you have a nice rack. The only reason I didn't take advantage of your offer to touch them was because I thought I was the one who was stoned; not you. Don't call me a good person because I deal with your shit. You don't know one fucking thing about me."

Angelina sighed. Marcus was absolutely hopeless. She helped him gather kindling and set it in the pile. "I know you didn't take advantage of me," she said. "And I think it's because you really do have a heart somewhere in you. And I appreciate it. It was very...sweet of you."

OH THAT WAS IT! Marcus let out a frustrated cry. "BITCH! You're going to make me vomit and I haven't even eaten yet! SHUT. UP! I am NOT sweet! Shut your mouth before I shove my dick in it!" Marcus stood up to go to the river. "Follow me and I kill your stupid horse and rape you against a tree."

He stomped over to the river with his wand, positively fuming. Angelina was going to talk him to death; he knew it. Aiming his wand at the river, he waited a few seconds before saying, "Accio fish!"

Unfortunately, he didn't really specify and at that moment, five fish flew out of the river and hit him square in the face. He stood there for a moment grinding his teeth and seething. Counting to ten billion (as that's how much it took for him to calm down), he gathered the flopping fish and went back to the fire. Angelina was waiting patiently with his jumper in her lap. She silently handed it to him. "Keep it," Marcus grumbled. "In an hour I'll have to hear you whining about how cold it is and I'm going to do whatever's in my power to keep your damn mouth shut."

Angelina sighed and slumped; very annoyed and insulted but too tired to argue anymore. She watched him start the fire, and then stabbed a stick through one of the fish to hold it over the flames and cook it. Angelina, after a moment of watching, did the same. "We're going to need to find food for the baby," she said.

Marcus leaned over, picked up a fish, and chucked it at the unicorn. It hit the foal right in the face, leaving him blinking in bewilderment. Flint went back to his food calmly as Angelina narrowed her eyes at him. "You're such an asshole."