Harrietta Potter and the Gender Swapping Spell

A/N: Ah, so I return! Sorry for such a wait. I am wondering if I should use the pronouns 'he' or 'she to describe Harrietta/Rhonda/Herman.. for now I'm calling them by their switched-sex names and leaving the pronouns as they would be for their normal form- so Rhonda/his, Harrietta/his, Herman/her, Gimmy/her, etc.

Technical definition for wenis: according to my friend's darling little sister, wenis is the skin on your elbow. So don't ask.

Chapter Two: Man, I Feel Like a Woman

"The best thing about being a woman

Is the prerogative to have a little fun and...

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady

Men's shirts-short skirts

Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style

Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction

Color my hair-do what I dare

Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel

Man! I feel like a woman!..."

Shania Twain "Man! I Feel like a woman!" Album: Come On Over

Harrietta's scream was stifled by a dainty hand thrust over his mouth. The voice that went with the hand was unmistakably Ron's, but it was not deep and rumbling, as usual. No, this voice was softer, more reserved and doubtful than usual. It was Rhonda's.

As Harrietta turned to face his best friend, he realized the "girl" he's assumed was Ginny was actually Ron, seeing the long nose was still present in his feminine form.

"What are you doing in here?! You're a girl!" Rhonda shrieked, seemingly not noticing the obvious femininity in his own voice.

"No! I'm not! I'm Harry!"

"Har, Har har!" Rhonda laughed falsely, slapping his knee in sarcasm. "You don't fool me."

"Oy, then, you great prat, look in the mirror!"

Rhonda turned and gasped. "There's more girls in here!"

Harrietta rolled his eyes and tapped the mirror saying, "No, you idiot. It's a mirror, see?"

"I'm a girl!"

"Yes!"

"Harry, are you sure we're not dreaming? Or is this the mirror of Erised or something?"

"Ron, why in Merlin's name would I want us to be changed into girls?"

"I dunno.. odd fetishes, I suppose?"

Harrietta glared. "Rhonda, you know I have a pudding fetish.. I mean.. Rhonda, we should get going! We have to talk to Hermione before anyone sees us!"

And so the two boys (at heart) left their dorm in a clandestine manner, swiftly and softly, so no prying eyes could spot them in their moments of woe.

*            *                *

A few moments of frantic pounding on Hermione's door was enough to wake her. The two boys could hear her groggy footsteps crossing the floor, and the instant she opened the heavy wood, they leapt inside the room deftly.

"What's going on?" Hermione croaked, sounding stranger than usual, but Harrietta figured it was just her tired morning talk.

"Hermione, look at us! In case you didn't notice, we have boobs!"

Hermione's head snapped up faster than a speeding Avada Kedavra curse, and her eyes fixed upon the said portion of Rhonda's anatomy.

"Woah," her voice chortled. "Sweeeeet!"

It was then that Harry pinpointed the strange thing about Hermione's voice. It was rather low, and gravelly, and so un-feminine. He looked up and gasped, noting a faint line of hair that was sprouting along her jawline.

"Hermione.. you're a boy!!!!" Harrietta shrieked, leaping away as if she had cooties.

"Whaddya mean I'm a boy?" Herman roared, looking at Harrietta as if he were insane.

"Really!" Rhonda giggled in glee. "She's not a boy! She's a man!" Rhonda clapped his hands together in merriment and Harrietta opted to speak again instead of succumbing to his almighty urge to wretch.

"Whatever," he said, not managing to de-girlify his speech. "She has a wenis, and that's all that matters."

"Technically, we all have wenisi," Herman corrected matter-of-factly. "Wenis is a noun meaning the skin covering one's elbow."

"Man, even with a wenis she's still annoyingly knowledgeable," Rhonda commented. Herman sneered mannishly and Rhonda replied with a dignified sticking out of his tongue.

"I hate to break you guys up when you look so attractive-"

"My daddy says it's why I'll never get married," Rhonda cut in.

"Yes, as I said, such an attractive moment, but we really must figure out this mess," Harrietta remarked.

"Come on then, let's go down to the fourth year dorms to see how Ginny's holding up. I suspect she might have been affected as well," Herman reasoned.

They managed to reach the dorm's without much problem. Only a drunken Nearly Headless Nick passed them, and, amid hiccups of ale, asked "Who's your friend there, Hermio-o-o-k...?" He then keeled over and probably would have passed out, had be been alive. The trio stepped over his incapacitated body and entered Ginny's dorm.

Harrietta, however, seemed to have been thinking on the way down about their predicament. Before his two comrades could unveil Ginny and determine her gender, he began to have a little breakdown.

"WAIT! What if she's still a girl? Is it only us? Did Voldemort target us three?! I hate Voldemort! He killed my parents and I will avenge him! I- I- I-" Unable to continue through his tears, Harrietta sank onto the nearest bed.

"Gosh, what a drama queen," Rhonda said cattishly.

Harrietta had happened to sit on Ginny's bed, and his hand had momentarily brushed against her bum; unfortunately this pervy action also caused the bedcovers to come undone and revealed Ginny's unicorn printed underwear. However, the underwear hosted a very distinct and conspicuous bulge that was always excluded from female anatomies.

Many things happened at once.

"Ew! She's got a wenis!" Harrietta yelled, leaping away from the bed.

"Everyone's got a wenis!" Herman reminded him, rubbing her elbow on his arm.

"Those are cute undies!" Rhonda giggled. "I am so borrowing those!"

And Gimmy woke up, promptly screaming at her invaders. "What are you doing here?! You're a boy!" she yelled at Herman.

"Oh no, not the explanation again!" Harrietta yelled, hitting his head in frustration. "This will be a long night," he said with exasperation.

A few moments of silence passed.

"Actually, it's daytime," Herman pointed out helpfully.

"Yes, but 'This will be a long daytime,' isn't so formidable."

"Oh."

And they sat upon the bed, waiting patiently and explaining the story to Gimmy.

*            *            *

"You go first!" Harrietta urged, whispering.

"No, you! You're always the leader!" Gimmy responded.

"Well, I suddenly have less courage than usual." Harrietta retorted.

Rhonda giggled and shot, "Maybe it's because you have no balls!"

Herman was the only one acting sane, and after a few floor tappings and hands-on-hips moments, the rest caught her drift. "We'll all go in at once," Herman reasoned. "The doors to the Great Hall are big enough, after all."

Everyone nodded, deeming that a fair method. With shaking hands, they all grasped the door, unknowing of what would next reach their eyes...

Somehow, in a scuffle to get in, Harrietta was pushed forward in front of the others. All his weary eyes could see ere blurry masses, and eye upon eye staring at him. Fuzzily he made his way to the great hall and sat down next to someone with sandy-blonde hair.

"I don't really understand what's going on.. do you, mate?" a voice said in his ear.

Harietta jumped. He looked from left to right and found that the sandy-blonde lump, who he now saw was clearly a girl, was speaking to him.

"I mean, last night what with that terrible stomachache, and then waking up and finding.. finding... certain things missing from me, well that was quite a shock, to say the least. Where'd you discover it? Mine was in the shower.. nasty shock that was, trying to wash something that wasn't there."

Harrietta must have been staring oddly at the person, because they looked back with concern. "What? Have you still got your thing, but the other kind as well? I mean, those kind of people exist. Those.. herman.. hermanpadit.. Uhhh.. I can't remember how to say it."

Herman had managed her way over to the table and sat. "Nah, I'm Herman, and that there is Harrietta," she said. "And who are you?"

Harrietta, however, had just noticed a large black camera seated on the chair beside the blonde girl. "Colin?" he asked doubtfully.

"The name's Colleen, now," he responded, nodding towards the head table. "Professors think we ought to adapt to the new.. situation.."

And it was then that Harrietta saw the most peculiar sight- up at the Professors table, they were different as well- Dumbledore's white beard was absent, and his long nose shrunken into a state of femininity. McGonagall had lost her long hair and developed a beard and sideburns. Snape still had the hooked nose, but his greasy black hair was pinned into a bun. Trewlawney was as scrawny as ever, but her hair was male, and Professor Binns was as dumpy as ever, as well as Professor Sprout. Hagrid was the funniest; he looked like a baby without his gigantic beard, and he didn't know what to do with his hands, which had extremely large fingernails.

Harrietta was about to start in his breakfast when Dumbledore stood. He opened his mouth to speak, but a voice interrupted him.

"What's going on here, Dumbledore!" a snide, drawling tone echoed from the Slytherin table- a female Dracona Malfoy.

"I was just about to address that, young Mister- or rather, Misses, Malfoy." He turned to face the rest of the Great hall. "First of all, please call me Dumbledora. It will make adjusting to this new body much easier. I ask that you call each other by whatever name each person feels accustomed to."

A murmur ran through the room and another voice of indignation burst through. "Well, what if we don't want to adjust? I don't plan on being a girl for too much longer!" Terrence Higgs hissed, pursing his lips.

"I ask you again, please calm down. Right now, your wonderful team of Professors, and I myself, are working to find the terrible person responsible for this atrocious crime. Now, we do have our suspects," and his twinkling eye turned to Harrietta, who knew though their agreement be tacit that they both suspected Voldemort. Dumbledora continued. "However, we cannot be certain. It is known, however, that all within Hogwarts were affected by this. If you have any ideas, please speak with your Head of House, or me, the Headmaster. Thank you." He sat promptly and began eating.

After a few moments of silent shock, the students slowly began to recover. Talking burst out from every corner of the room, and slowly Harrietta and his companions leaned forward to discuss the new developments.

"Did you see Dracona Malfoy?" Rhonda giggled. "He looks so funny!"

"Like you don't?" Gimmy cracked, a bit of a daze in her voice. "He looked alright to me."

Rhonda glared and Herman slapped Gimmy to get her out of the state of dreaminess she was in.

Harrietta offered Rhonda a pumpkin protein bar, but the redhead refused, cooing, "I'm watching my figure!"

"So am I!" Herman growled, looking Rhonda up and down appreciatively while with her tongue hanging out.

They all looked at each other for a moment before chorusing "Ewwww!" It was quite disturbing to have Herman hitting on Rhonda for a change.. usually Rhonda yelled a bit for a flirting strategy. "Sorry," Herman weakly replied. "It's a manly urge."

Rhonda still looked abashed. "Don't do it again!" he spoke girlishly. "Or I'll stick my wand up an uncomfortable crevice!"

"Uh, right," Herman replied. "Well, I've just realized something."

That caught everyone's ears. "You know how Dumbledora said everyone in Hogwarts was changed?"

"Yeah, so?" Rhonda said, looking happy that Herman was stating the obvious. "I can paraphrase things to, ya know!"

"That's not the point!" Herman yelled, looking as if Rhonda were dumber than your average amoeba. "The point is, that's not true."

"Whaddaya mean?" Gimmy slurred, looking around. "Everyone alive in this hall is changed!"

"Yes, yes!" Herman shouted triumphantly. "Everyone alive!"

Harrietta was beginning to understand. He searched the hall quickly before his eyes landed on what he was looking for.

The Bloody Baron was floating round the Slytherin table, as always, looking the same. Exactly the same as he always had. He was not a woman.

"The ghosts aren't changed!" Harrietta yelped, making Herman nod her head enthusiastically.

"So what does that mean?" Rhonda asked quizzically.

"It means," Herman began slowly, "that only the living were affected. Only we did something that made this happen. Now think. What's something that only living people do, and that all we students did last night?"

A few minutes of silence passed as they thought in solitude. Harrietta remembered to the night before, to the conversations and the events and everything that had happened in the time span from that moment. A thought dawned on him.

...The food popped up from the kitchens below, sending a wave of hunger over the boys as they thrust a bit of everything down their throats, washing it down with goblets of pumpkin juice that, as Harry noted, tasted a bit atypical...

...As Harry was about halfway up the boy’s stairs pain hit him in two places: his scar, of course, and his stomach. Clutching both places in pain, he stumbled into the boy’s dorm before collapsing on his bed....

...In entered Ron, who also staggered to his bed clasping his midsection. Next to arrive were Seamus and Dean, lurching and grunting with every step. Neville was not far behind, bringing his own noises of discontentment...

...'Aye, Harry, my stomach hurts like a Bludger hit it, so let's just go to sleep, alright?'...

"I mean, last night what with that terrible stomachache..."

"Drinking!" Harrietta said victoriously. "All living people drink, and ghosts don't because they can't!"

"Of course!" Herman yelped. "Last night, we all drank that pumpkin juice.. whoever did this must have put something into our drinks. Most likely the whole vat of it, though, because putting it in each individual goblet would be a hassle. The question is, what potion? If we knew, we could discover the antidote!"

Everyone looked perplexed back at Herman. "Have any of us got any clue?" she tried again.

They all shook their heads, and she took their silence as it was meant. They knew how they had contracted this odd change, but they did not know why or what had really caused it, and those things were needed to get them out of the mess they were in. Herman vowed to research diligently on the subject, but their sinking hearts all knew that no research in the world could fully solve the dilemma on their hands.