Remember Your Heart

Harry sat before a cold hearth in the living room. Outside was a rainy day, one perfectly suited to his mood. Severus had left the room last night and had not returned. Harry hadn't slept the rest of the night; he just lay in the bed staring at the ceiling. At first he questioned what had happened and what could have been done differently but the ceiling was quite recalcitrant with answers. Somewhere in his thoughts he determined that the difficulties were Severus' and that he would have to wait for Severus to confront them. Would he? Had Harry laid enough of a foundation for Severus? Harry worried that a few months of building were nothing to a lifetime of demolition.

The dreary dawn crept in and Harry, stiff from bed, had moved downstairs to his present location. He heard nothing from the study when he passed by. The gray settled around him, cold and still, and he waited.

Sometime late in the morning, Harry heard the soft tread of Severus descending the stairs. Afraid to look upon his face and see a closed expression, Harry kept his gaze fixed on the pale ashes in the hearth.

Severus cleared his throat. "I have received an owl from John Scriblen. He is in London, unexpectedly, and inquired if I would be available for an impromptu lunch. I am leaving now to meet with him."

Harry nodded, but didn't trust his voice. Will you come back, Severus? Am I ready for the answer? he thought.

Harry heard the familiar swish of robes as Severus turned to leave. When he paused, Harry waited for the crack of apparition and glanced over when he heard nothing. Severus was standing at the front door, looking at Harry, face blank, but something in his eyes suggested worry or fear.

"Good Luck," said Harry and smiled as well as his drawn face and bloodshot eyes could manage.

Severus gave a little nod and disapparated.

***

Harry finally moved out of his chair that afternoon to make a bit of toast and tea to assuage his rumbling stomach. He was sitting at his kitchen table in his creased t-shirt and rumbled boxers, the day still dark with rain, when two bursts of noise announced visitors. Fred and George Weasley burst through the front door before he had time to rise from his seat.

"Harry, mate, how are you?" said George, while clapping him on the back.

"Not too good, I'd say," remarked Fred. "Did you get pissed last night?"

"You got pissed without us?" said George, giving Harry a hurt look.

"No, I just had trouble sleeping, that's all. Come, sit," Harry gestured to the chairs around the table. The Weasley brothers slipped off their dragon-hide jackets to reveal new Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes t-shirts. George's was lime green and Fred's was blindingly yellow. Both were enchanted so that the name, Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, flashed in a rainbow of colors and a product picture would appear for 30 seconds beneath it along with a brief blurb before being replaced with another. Harry was currently seeing an advertisement for The Classic Canary Creams, The Original Transfiguration Spoof.

"Cool shirt," said Harry.

Fred reached into his coat, pulled out a purple Wheezes shirt and handed it to Harry. "We're thinking of a whole line a Wheezes t-shirts, especially in the Hogsmeade store. This one has become quite popular at Hogwarts. The ickle-firsties especially enjoy the Weasleys' Wild-Fire Whiz-Bangs going off on it." As if on cue, Whiz-Bangs appeared on Fred's shirt and began exploding, complete with sound effects.

Harry gave a small smile.

"So, we brought by some new items, soon to be released as testing is nearly complete," George said, pulling what looked like a box of chocolates from his coat pocket. "We came up with Canary Creams about ten years ago, so it seemed fitting to release a new line of transfiguration candies now, packaged in an elegant gift box. Want to try some?"

"No, I'll pass," said Harry. He pulled the gold foil wrapped box to him and peered inside. The box appeared to be filled with small gourmet chocolates.

"The name of each chocolate is revealed only when someone has eaten it," said Fred. "Even we can't tell what each one is by appearance."

"It's a sweet adventure," said George, then he grimaced. "Well, the taste of a few of them needs to be adjusted, but the magic works fine."

"Tell me about them," Harry said.

"Well, to begin with we got Honeydukes to collaborate, they've provided the chocolate. The label," George brought out an orange oval label that read Weasleys' Wheezes Crafty Confections, "is easily removable. So your friends just see a lovely box filled with sumptuous chocolates."

Fred continued. "Each transfiguration last 30 seconds. The collection includes, among others, Turtle Truffles, Chinchilla Caramels, Chocolate Moose Mousse Candies, Aardvark Almond Crunch and Possum Pecan Pralines as well as the classic Canary Creams. We're considering another line of candies based on the Ton Tongue Toffees that affect your physical attributes in some fashion. Imagine how popular the Booby Bubble Gum with those underdeveloped lasses!" Fred winked at Harry, who laughed.

"This is wonderful. Do you think that you'll have them ready in the next few weeks?" asked Harry.

"Yeah," said George, nodding. "They'll be ready soon and we can start on production."

"I've been thinking about throwing a party," said Harry, leaning back in his chair, arms behind his head, "and that might be a good time for a product launch."

The twins grinned. "Brilliant!"

"About this party," started Fred, "Ronnie-kins asked us about some truth-telling pranks. Unfortunately, we haven't developed any, so far. The Ministry monitors that type of magic very closely and where we have so many other avenues to explore, we haven't challenged that authority. Why are you so interested?"

"Yeah, mate, who do you want to spill the beans?" asked George.

Harry sighed. "At this party, there will be some people that I believe have been purposefully working against Severus. The press and some Ministry officials will be in attendance as well. I hoped to push someone, somehow, to say enough to implicate themselves and substantiate the use of Veritaserum to uncover the rest."

"Severus? I never thought I'd see the day where you'd be calling Snape by his first name," remarked George.

"I've come to know him better and differently since Hogwarts," said Harry.

"Hmm, how much better, Harry?" nudged Fred.

Harry shrugged. "Enough to want to put a stop to what's happening to him," he mumbled.

"Where is the old bat?" asked George, looking around.

Harry growled at the insult. "He had an appointment."

"He isn't responsible for your demeanor, is he?" asked Fred.

"Demeanor? Good word usage!" complimented George and Fred bowed slightly in his chair.

Harry remained quiet.

"Hey, what did he do to you?" demanded Fred.

"Yeah, we'll hex him from here to Queerditch Marsh if you want!" said George.

Harry held up his hands and gestured for them to settle down. "It's okay. It's just the realization that Severus and I are not at the point that I thought we were."

The twins looked at him in apparent confusion.

"It's between me and Severus. Drop it," finished Harry.

"Alright, mate, if that's what you want. But let us know if you need anything from us, okay?" said Fred, with George nodding his agreement.

"Thanks," said Harry. "Now go get those candies ready, you've three weeks until my big bash."

***

Harry was, yet again, sitting in his plush armchair, this time having lit a fire in the hearth. The twins had left, concerned about the short time before the product launch, eager to get to work on perfecting Weasleys' Wheezes Crafty Confections. Harry had the innocent gold box on the arm rest and was sipping chamomile tea while wondering how to get through to Severus.

I can't just let him walk out of my life, he thought. I'll just have to get him to talk to me. Perhaps if I back off a bit? Tell him I just want to be friends? Harry grimaced. That might give him the wrong impression of what I do want. Harry sighed and sipped his tea. It's really all in Severus' control. I'll just have to ask him what he wants. But what if he doesn't know? What if he just wants to shut me and everything out, and not deal with it?

"Argh!" Harry growled, "I'm going mad."

"I always thought so," sneered Severus, apparating into the room.

Harry jumped. "Severus, do you live to scare the bloody hell out of me!"

"I do find it amusing," Severus chuckled.

Choosing a safe topic to start with, Harry asked, "How did it go with Scriblen?"

Severus actually smiled, pulled out Harry's bottle of firewhiskey and poured two glasses. Handing one to Harry, he raised his glass. "Here's to the upcoming publication of Practical Defense: Your Best Chance to Stay Alive by Severus Snape." Severus clinked his glass against Harry's and shot down his whiskey.

Harry looked at Severus, momentarily stunned, and then he gulped down his own glass of whiskey, before leaping out of the chair to tackle Severus in an enthusiastic embrace. "Oh Severus, that's wonderful!" Harry cried. "I'm so happy for you!"

Severus had grunted when first attacked, but upon recovering he returned Harry's embrace, although not as exuberantly. "Thank you Harry," he murmured.

Harry pulled back a bit to look at Severus, grinning. His smile fell away seeing Severus' expression.

"Harry, we need to talk about last night," Severus said softly. Harry's stomach twisted into knots as he sat back down. Severus claimed the other chair, sitting with his hands clasped tight in his lap. "I'm not sure where to start," Severus whispered. "I shall begin by apologizing."

"You don't need to apologize. I pushed too hard-"

Severus interrupted, "Harry, please let me speak." He waited until Harry nodded. "I apologize for leaving the way I did last night."

"Apology accepted," said Harry.

Severus growled. "Will you wait until I am done?" Harry blushed and nodded again.

"I was," Severus sighed, "overwhelmed." Severus stood and began to pace. "No one, beside Albus, has ever told me that they loved me."

"I do."

Severus whirled about to face him. "Imp! Can you not be quiet for a moment or must I hex you?" Harry clapped both hands over his mouth and Severus' snickered. "I doubt that will stop you," Severus remarked. "Regardless, I am sorry. I needed time apart to think and I could've told you that at the least."

Harry kept his hands over his mouth and moved his head in acknowledgement.

"I sat in the study contemplating several things especially: first, my unease at your arousal; second, your offer to take the impotence potion; third, your declaration of love." Severus returned to his chair, looking at Harry with intensity. "I believe you; I believe that you love me. But Harry," Severus whispered, "I can't speak those words to you. I just don't know. I...I..." Severus trailed off, looking miserable.

Harry removed his hands from over his mouth, heart clenching painfully inside. "It's okay, Severus," he replied quietly. "I still care, I still love you. I'll always be your friend." He could feel the moisture collecting in his eyes and he struggled to keep the tears at bay.

"So, that's it?" said Severus harshly. "Even in the wizarding world, Potter, 'let's just be friends' is a cliché." Severus stood and stalked out of the room and stormed up the stairs to slam the study door behind him.

Harry was thoroughly bewildered. Why don't I ever know what's going on? he thought miserably.

Dragging himself upstairs, Harry knocked on the study door. When he got no reply, Harry pressed his face against the door and sighed. "Severus, talk to me," he pleaded. "I'm an idiot and I'm confused." Harry waited for a response before continuing. "You said you didn't love me, so what was I supposed to say?"

The door opened so quickly that Harry stumbled forward into Severus. Severus helped him to regain his balance and ushered him into the room. The room had been completely transformed from when it was Dudley's room. The beds and armoire were gone and the room had been reduced to its original dimensions. Harry's oversized mahogany desk was placed under the lone window that overlooked the winter-barren garden. An oriental carpet in rich jewel tones covered the floor. Severus had brought in a small cherry bookcase to hold his research materials and had set a traditional leather chair and side table near the small fireplace. Severus gestured to the leather chair, while he pulled the desk chair out and around to face Harry.

"Severus, we need to talk some more, please," said Harry. "Tell me what you want, because I've obviously said the wrong thing."

"You are an idiot," Severus growled and then sighed. "I never said that I didn't love you, only that I couldn't speak about such things to you." His eyes glinted with anger again as his face grew tight. "But that seemed to be enough for you to cast me aside." Severus rose to leave.

"No!" shouted Harry. "We're not done, yet!" And Harry swiftly moved to stand before the door.

"Of course we done, we're friends," Severus sneered. "Apparently since I cannot satisfy you physically or emotionally, I am no longer acceptable-"

"Argh!" interrupted Harry, banging his head on the door. "I was just accepting what you wanted! You're the one who doesn't want that type of relationship with me."

"What are you talking about?" asked Severus. Harry and Severus stared at each other, each breathing deeply and taking the time to calm down.

"Let's start over," said Harry.

"Agreed."

Both men resumed their seats.

"Harry," began Severus, "I am uncomfortable about expressing my feelings toward you because I am still unsure. I merely wish for you to be patient with me." Harry opened his mouth to speak but Severus held up a hand and Harry closed his mouth and waited. "And as much I have enjoyed kissing you, I am still uncomfortable with your desire and again I ask for patience. I would like the chance to work with this Muggle counselor and I would just like time. I would like to be more than your friend, in time." Severus paused and whispered, "If you will have me."

Harry slid from his chair and moved to kneel in front of Severus, a hand on Severus' knee. "Yes, I want you in my life, in just that way." Severus reached out and caressed his cheek; Harry leaned into the touch. "So please, stop leaving. I can handle your anger, I've some experience there. Stop shutting me out. We both keep assuming things and hearing things that haven't been said. We need to be extra careful. We need to keep talking."

Severus ran a thumb along Harry's mouth and Harry's eyes fluttered closed. "I will try, but I'm sure I'll need reminding."

"Okay," murmured Harry.

Severus smiled at Harry's content face and leaned down to gently kiss him. Harry responded warmly and restrained himself from climbing onto Severus' lap.

"Thank you Harry," whispered Severus, his exhalations ghosting over Harry's mouth.

"Mmm," said Harry. "You are an emotional roller coaster for me, Severus Snape. Thank God that I like to go on the rides." Harry grinned at Severus' confusion with the Muggle analogy. "Let's go out to dinner, someplace Muggle, and celebrate."

"That will be acceptable," replied Severus, and the two men prepared to depart.

***

Harry chose a small Italian restaurant, La Cucina, in which to dine. It had a scattering of intimate round tables with red and white checkered tablecloths each set with a candle resting in an empty Chianti bottle, and murals of Italian landscapes wallpapered the walls.

"Lovely," sneered Severus.

"Shush, the food is good."

Severus glared for a moment before choosing a table near the back with all entrance and exit points within clear view. Harry chuckled as Severus sat with his back to the wall, although he drew his chair close to Severus side so that his back wouldn't feel so exposed. Severus cocked his eyebrow; Harry smiled and squeezed his knee.

A young waitress in black pants and a white button-down walk over and handed them both menus. "Buonosera! Tonight's special is Veal Piccata. Can I start you off with any drinks?" She pulled a notepad from her pocket and waited.

"A bottle of the Ecco Domani Merlot." The waitress nodded at Severus' crisp instruction and left to get the wine.

"I spoke with Fred and George today and they don't have a prank that will cause someone to start spilling their secrets. We really need a way to get things started." The waitress returned with two wine glasses and the open bottle of wine. After pouring, she asked if they were ready to order.

"Another minute, please," replied Harry. She nodded and went to check on guests at other tables. Harry perused the menu quickly before deciding, while Severus seemingly studied each entrée in depth. Harry let his hand rest on Severus' knee and Severus looked to him.

"Does this make you uncomfortable?" Harry rubbed his leg in small circles.

"Yes," hissed Severus, "I am not an exhibitionist."

Harry removed his hand and set it on the table. "Sorry."

Severus sighed, entwined his fingers with Harry's and pressed for a moment before letting go. Harry smiled and relaxed. Both men sipped their wine and Severus gestured to the waitress.

"All set?" she asked.

"I'll have the meat lasagna and a garden salad," replied Harry.

"I will have the Veal Piccata as well as a Caesar's salad." The waitress jotted down both orders, scooped up the menus and headed for the kitchen.

Harry stood. "Excuse me; I need to use the loo." He saw a sign directing him to the toilet and walked off.

The waitress returned with their salads, which she placed on the table, also silverware wrapped in a red cloth napkin which she also set down. "Sorry Guv, I didn't ask your son what type of dressing he'd like on his salad. Do you know what he'd like?" Severus stared and murmured that Italian would be fine. The waitress nodded and departed.

Harry sat back at the table and noticed Severus' hard set expression.

"What?"

"The waitress wanted to know what type of dressing my son would prefer," Severus growled.

"Seeing as you don't have a son, what did you answer? Or is there something I should know?" Harry smiled, amused.

"Idiot, she thinks you're my son!"

"Shall I give you a big wet sloppy kiss when she comes back?"

"Then she shall accuse me of incest." Severus took a large swig of wine and poured himself another glass. "Harry, she clearly sees that I am too old--"

"Stop!" Harry slipped his hand across the table, resting his fingertips on Severus' pinky. "What does her opinion matter?"

Severus shrugged slightly and seemed to consider Harry's question. He jerked up and stared at Harry's next outburst.

"Love you, Daddy!" squealed Harry when the waitress came over to deliver the dressing. The waitress smiled at the apparent sweet declaration but her expression turned to one of disgust mixed with horror when she saw Harry lean over and give Severus an intimate open-mouthed kiss. She quickly set the dressing down and darted away.

Severus was furious but Harry merely laughed. "Potter," he growled.

"Yes, Severus?" Harry tried to affect an angelic expression.

"You are twisted."

Harry grinned.

"Alright, I rather like that," Severus smirked, "but aren't you concerned about what they are doing to our food now?"

Harry blanched, and said, "It seemed funny at the time."

Both men occupied themselves with eating their salad and sipping their wine. Classical piano music started to sound softly through the restaurant's audio system. Harry felt himself to be more relaxed now than he had been in a long time. Every objection that Severus had come up with over the last few months Harry had overcome. Even his early protestation of old age had been quickly quelled. Severus was going to stay and Harry was going to make sure that Severus knew that he was wanted.

When the waitress stopped at the table to clear away the salad dishes, Harry caught her eye. "Sorry for making you uncomfortable, but I'm not his son and I couldn't help but tease you."

She smiled slightly. "It's okay. I guess I shouldn't assume things." Harry smiled in return. "I'll get your entrees."

"So, tell me more about your meeting with Scriblen," prompted Harry.

Severus swirled the red wine around in his glass and looked up at Harry. "The American Department of Magical Education wants to use my text as the standard for their Defense Against the Dark Arts program. They've placed an advanced order of 500,000 copies, pending a final review of the finished manuscript."

Harry's mouth dropped open and he goggled. "Severus," he gasped, "that's incredible!" Harry shook his head. "No, that's beyond incredible. It's amazing, stupendous--"

"Do shut up, Harry," Severus said with a smile. "And close your mouth. Who knows what may creep into it, in this place." He looked around suspiciously.

Harry chuckled.

"Also the American Secretary has expressed interest in having me develop a DADA curriculum as well."

"Oh Severus," gushed Harry and went to continue but the waitress arrived with their food. "Thank you," murmured Harry. She nodded and smiled, apparently he was forgiven of his earlier dramatics.

Once she had left, Harry went on, "Severus, I really am so happy for you. Now, we just need to expose these people who have conspired against you and life will be..." He trailed off at Severus' sneer.

"Sunshine and happiness?" mocked Severus.

"I was going to say, 'As good as it gets'."

Severus barked a short laugh. He raised his wine glass to Harry, who raised his as well, "Here's to 'As good as it gets'."

"Here, here!" cheered Harry, tapping his glass lightly against Severus' and they sipped.

After a more than satisfactory meal, which even Severus grudgingly admitted to, and a large tip to the waitress, they apparated back to Harry's cottage. While relaxing before the fire, Harry noticed that the box from the twins was still there. Opening the box to look at the innocent chocolates, he picked one up and offered the box to Severus. Severus reached over, picked up a chocolate and absently popped it into his mouth and chewed. Harry set his chocolate back into the box and waited. Severus narrowed his eyes, noting that Harry didn't eat his chocolate. Pop! Where Severus had been sitting was now a European Pond Turtle with a nearly black carapace and dark skin both speckled yellow, small webbed limbs thrashing. Harry began laughing, nearly hysterical, but still managed to force his body out of the room, desperate to hide, as if that would save him from Severus' retribution.

***

"Oi! Hedwig just arrived with a note from Harry to us," said George as he walked into the backroom at Weasley's Wizard Wheezes.

Fred grabbed the note from George and read aloud:

Dearest Masters Gred and Forge,

While the Armadillo Almond Clusters were quite scrumptious, the Possum Pecan Pralines leave something to be desired. Also, the Chocolate Moose Mousse Candies and the Chinchilla Caramels have a funny aftertaste. And of course the Canary Creams are still the crème de la crème. I've been informed that the Turtle Truffles are satisfactory in taste.

Kindly send another box, as mine seems to be empty.

Harry

"Wicked! He ate them all!" said George.

"Yeah, but why?" asked Fred and then he shuddered. "Do we really want to know? I mean Snape, Harry and a box of Crafty Confections?"

"No, there are some things in life that are better left in the dark," replied George.