Remember Your Heart

Ron and Hermione arrived that afternoon, after depositing the twins with Molly Weasley. Harry gestured for them to get comfortable and they sat together on the couch.

"What's up?" asked Ron. "You sounded worried through the Floo."

Harry sighed and settled into his armchair, Severus across from him. "I'm not sure where to start, so I'm just going to do this randomly." Severus remained silent. They had agreed earlier to let Harry do the majority of the explaining since he was the most accustomed to working with Ron and Hermione.

"It'sfine, mate, Hermione will organize everything anyway. Shall I get her a quill and parchment?" queried Ron. Hermione slapped him lightly and gestured for Harry to continue.

"We're trying to piece together what's been happening to Severus. Sev's incarceration these past years appears to be quite deliberate-" Harry began.

Severus interrupted. "Stop calling me Sev," he hissed.

"Sorry," Harry chuckled. "He remembers seeing a man's face from time to time, well he did until he went to Hogwarts, and then that memory seems to have disappeared."

"What?" gasped Ron and Hermione.

"Yeah, it seems someone at Hogwarts obliviated him," continued Harry. "But I'm getting ahead. Also Minister Bones called off the search, quite unusual. I found Severus, eventually, through pure luck. McGonagall refused to take him back at Hogwarts. It seems someone has been spreading rumors about him having inappropriate relations with a student."

Ron nodded. "I've heard that recently. A MLE investigator has been talking to Snape's former students."

"Bloody hell," muttered Harry. "Even without formal charges, it's getting around."

Severus sniffed. "I didn't have a brilliant reputation before, I'll survive this scandal."

"It's not true though!" argued Harry. Severus merely shrugged.

"Go on Harry," encouraged Hermione. "Let's hear the rest before we decide on any action."

"Wait," interrupted Ron, "is there any truth to this rumor?" Hermione shot him a nasty look. "Hey, we're getting really involved here 'Mione, and I think we should have an answer. Don't you? What if he was buggering little kids?" Ron turned to Severus, "Well?"

"Ron..." began Hermione. Harry rose to his feet, an angry expression on his face.

"Harry," said Severus softly. "Sit, they need to know." Harry sat and watched as Severus shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Ron and Hermione were completely focused on Severus. "There was an incident," he whispered; Ron and Hermione drew sharp breaths. "With Michael Mulciber. We believe that he was testing the beginnings of his potion on me. But I admit to being drunk that night and there's no evidence either way. I obliviated him after the incident." Severus let his head drop to stare at the floor.

"But he couldn't be the one starting the rumor, if he was obliviated, not to mention that he's been dead more than a year," stated Hermione.

"I recently found out that Susan Bones Longbottom is skilled at reversing memory charms," said Harry.

"Oh," whispered Hermione. "She could have worked with Mulciber. And with her aunt's position in the Ministry..." Hermione trailed off. "Oh! Oh! Susan's best friend in school was the former Hannah Abbott-"

"Who works at Dogmata Press," finished Harry. Everyone sat quiet for a long while.

"So," piped up Ron, "Did you ever bang Susan?"

Harry glared at Ron while Severus hissed, "No!"

"Ron, there was only that one time, drug induced, with Michael Mulciber," said Harry angrily.

"How do you know?" asked Ron.

"Because I asked and he told me," said Harry. Severus glanced up to look at Harry with a small smile on his face.

"And you believe him?" Ron questioned. Harry looked furious and Ron held up his hands in defense. "Harry, you admit to being enamored of Snape, even though he was a miserable git to you for so many years. That seems to be a big turn around for you. Also, if I remember correctly, you and Mulciber look very similar, so that's really weird. And you doubted Snape's loyalties while in school, so why are you such a believer now?" Ron looked nervous at pushing this, but remained resolute.

Harry sighed and slumped back in his chair. "I know you're asking these things because you care about me, not to hurt me." Ron nodded. "Ron, I've told you before, I've changed, grown up since school." Harry sighed again. "I went searching for Severus after Dumbledore's will was read. Dumbledore left me his Pensieve and told me to remember my heart. My heart told me this was the right thing to do. It's my heart that's been most affected since Severus has arrived, a man stripped of everything, reputation, possessions, pride. It's my heart that told me to hold him when he's broken down and my heart that offered the comfort of sleeping with me. While I could call up many memories of when he's been cruel to me in the past, I can show you in the Pensieve those memories where he's protected me, where he stood by Dumbledore, where he's fought for the Light. Over these months, Severus has revealed himself to me, told me his darkest secrets, shared his shame, and expressed his deepest pain. Albus Dumbledore believed in him. I believe in Severus Snape. My heart tells me this."

While speaking, Harry had sat up straight in his chair and looked at Ron determinedly. "He is a hero of the Order, a veteran in service to the Light, and I will find who has done this work against him and I will expose them and they will be punished." Harry glanced to Severus, who was staring with glistening eyes. "I swear this, Severus." Severus nodded and swallowed, but did not speak.

Hermione sniffled. "That was beautiful, Harry," she said in a tremulous voice.

Ron rolled his eyes. "Okay, Harry, I'll believe in you." Ron turned to Severus. "Sorry for my accusation."

Severus waved him off. "I believe I shall be reading far worse in the papers in the near future."

"Yeah, there is that," agreed Ron.

"Not if I have any say," muttered Harry.

"Let's not worry about the press," said Hermione in an effort to redirect the conversation. "Anything else suspicious? Everything seems to point to Susan Longbottom, but why?"

"I have no idea," said Severus. "I was not any harder on her than any other Hufflepuff, certainly not as hard as I was on the Gryffindors. There were never any confrontations between us, again, that seemed to be reserved for Gryffindors." Harry chuckled and Severus smiled in a way that seemed fond to Hermione.

"There's always Neville," suggested Ron. Severus snorted.

"Well, Neville didn't seem pleased that you were here," said Harry. "He shuddered and mentioned something about flashbacks." Ron and Hermione laughed lightly at that. "But Neville? He doesn't seem the type. Actually, Susan referred to Severus as a curmudgeon."

"Maybe, unrequited love?" said Ron.

Hermione snorted. "Really, dearest, do you lay awake at night thinking of those things? Unrequited love as a motive is only good for trashy romance novels." Ron harrumphed, crossed his arms over his chest and looked away, muttering about not being encouraged to participate. Harry chuckled then grinned at Severus.

"Anything else?" said Hermione pointedly.

"Yes, and rather important, Winston Chamberlain touched my mouth last night and I smelled vanilla," said Harry.

"Why was he touching your mouth?" Ron glanced at Severus before looking at Harry.

"What happened?" asked Hermione simultaneously.

"Winston's been flirting with me. He asked me to dance last night at the St. Mungo's Banquet. When I began refusing, he said "shush" and put a finger on my mouth. I thought that was a bit much and stepped back from him. Then I smelled vanilla. Remember, Ron, you said that Mulciber's potion had an aroma of vanilla. I left quickly and returned home." Turning to Hermione, he continued. "Nothing happened. I slept on the couch, in case I was under the influence of some potion. I didn't experience any unusual sensations, but I couldn't be sure."

"So, you can't be sure if you were poisoned?" asked Hermione. Harry nodded.

"You should have come upstairs," said Severus.

"I couldn't," replied Harry. "What if something happened? After everything you've gone through, I would have been devastated if some sort of lust potion had me force myself on you."

Severus took a deep breath. "I would have preferred that if only to be sure that you had not been poisoned in some other deleterious manner."

Harry shook his head and Hermione interrupted. "It's water under the bridge now. Anything else?"

"We need to know if there was a connection between Mulciber and Bones-Longbottom," said Severus. "We also need to investigate Chamberlain. Does he have access to Mulciber's work? Did he really attempt to poison Harry last night?"

"Yes, but we can't implicate Ron in that. He's the only reason we know so much about Mulciber and his death," responded Harry.

"Somehow I think I'll come out all right," said Ron, waving off Harry's concern. "I mean look who I told - Harry Potter- no one's going to raise that much of a fuss." Harry growled. "Come off it Harry, to the public, you can walk on water." Harry flushed.

"There is a spell for that," said Hermione, and Ron and Harry chuckled.

"Ideally, we need to have them reveal themselves in a public forum, without undue coercion," said Severus, looking thoughtful.

"Well, I can think of a when," said Harry, "just not a how."

"When?" asked Hermione.

"I'm planning on throwing a party," said Harry sweetly, "details coming soon." Severus narrowed his eyes and Harry smiled at him.

"Assuming we could get everyone to attend this 'party', how are we going to trick them into telling us what we want to know? And who are we inviting to this little tattletale party?" Hermione quizzed.

"The Longbottoms," Harry began counting off fingers as he named people, "Professor Chamberlain, the Boots, the Minister of Magic, Professor McGonagall, Rita Skeeter, the MLE investigator who's checking up on Severus, some trusted Aurors...I think you get the picture."

"Rita Skeeter?" shivered Ron. "How are you going to get these people to talk? Lace the punch bowl with Veritaserum?" Ron looked from Harry to Severus curiously.

"Too many Ministry regulations concerning the use of Veritaserum," said Severus. "Any confessions would be inadmissible in court."

"With Skeeter there, wouldn't public knowledge be enough?" said Hermione. "We used her before to effect change through public opinion."

"Veritaserum is also dangerous in high quantities. We couldn't safely administer it by 'spiking' the punch bowl," Severus said.

"Perhaps we should consult with Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes," said Harry. "We only need enough said to bring in authorities for a closer look. This is why we'll have the authorities already there."

Severus groaned at consulting Fred and George but didn't complain. It wasn't an easy thing to dose an entire room of people with a truth serum.

"We'll need protection against memory charms," said Harry.

"I'll look into it," said Hermione.

"No need, I know several," replied Ron and grinned. "My Auror training has some use."

"I think I need to know more about your training," stated Hermione.

Ron wrapped an arm around her, pulled her close, and whispered in her ear, "I'll tell you everything and anything, if I can whisper it into your ear tonight."

Hermione giggled and nodded. Severus sneered while Harry rolled his eyes.

"Can I whisper in your ear, Sev?" said Harry in a sing-song voice. "I'll tell you all my secrets." Ron threw one of the decorative couch pillows at him and Harry couldn't help but laugh.

Severus drew his wand. "Don't call me Sev." Harry held up his hands in surrender and Severus gave him an evil glare before putting the wand away.

***

"So, I noticed that you never said no to me whispering my secrets in you ear," chuckled Harry as he and Severus climbed into bed later that evening. Ron and Hermione had left with the vague beginnings of a plan buzzing in their brains and Ron's pledge to talk to his twin brothers. Hermione thought she might make a lunch date with Hannah Abbott Boot to feel her out, as the two ladies had been friendly in school, and were still friendly when they ran across each other.

"Potter," Severus growled.

"Yes?" Harry inquired innocently has he snuggled closer to Severus. He sighed as he felt Severus' arms wrap about him.

"No teasing," muttered Severus.

Harry leaned close to his ear and whispered, "I wouldn't tease you."

"Oh, you wouldn't, would you?"

"Never," Harry murmured, letting warm breaths of air caress Severus' earlobe. Severus remained very still and Harry was unsure how his attentions were being received. Yet, that lobe looked so delectable that Harry took it into his mouth and gently sucked on it. Backing up a bit, he softly blew on the wet lobe before studying Severus. Severus' eyes were closed, his mouth open slightly and his breath coming with an almost imperceptible hitch. Encouraged, Harry drew the earlobe back into his mouth to nibble and suck on. When Severus continued to lay so unmoving, Harry backed off again.

"Okay?" he asked.

Severus blinked and turned on his side facing Harry. Bringing one hand up, he ran it up Harry's neck into his hair to cup the back of his head. Pulling Harry closer, he murmured, "More than okay," and pressed their mouths together.

Harry felt a rising heat begin to burn within his body as their mouths slid together in wet, open-mouthed kisses. Harry pulled Severus' lower lip into his mouth, catching it on his teeth, and ran his tongue along it. Rewarded with a moan for that action, he let go of Severus' lip and slid his tongue into Severus' mouth to taste, touch and explore. Severus' hand held Harry's head, not allowing retreat, thumb caressing his ear and jaw. The hand on Harry's back was twisting his t-shirt, tightening as Harry coaxed Severus' tongue into his mouth to suck on it. Severus moaned again and set about devouring Harry's mouth.

Severus seemed desperate, pausing only for short breaths before delving into passionate kisses once again. Harry stroked Severus' back and arm in a calming manner in the face of Severus' frenzy. Harry's t-shirt was pulled taut across his chest by Severus' twisting and Harry shifted closer to him. In doing so, Harry pressed his obvious arousal against Severus' hip. There was no answering erection.

Jerking away from Harry, Severus disentangled himself and scooted to the edge of the bed. Panting, he covered his face with his hands. Harry, quite bewildered, was calming his own frantic breathing, trying not to whine at the sudden disappearance of such passion.

"Severus, I'm sorry, I pushed too hard, please," Harry pleaded.

"You have nothing to be sorry for Harry," Severus said sadly, face still covered. "I'm the broken old man in your bed."

Harry slumped back to look at the ceiling, he thought, Yelling and screaming probably won't help. Pushing himself up to his side again, he propped up his head and spoke as calmly as he could manage. "Severus, look at me." After a moment of deliberation, Severus slowly dropped the hands from his face and turned his head toward Harry. "Yes, you are a man and you're in my bed. While you are older than me, you are not old. If you are broken, we will fix you." Harry dropped his voice to a rough low tone. "And you make me burn. Just the sound of your velvet voice, the touch of a fingertip on my cheek, a simple look, they all set me on fire."

Severus swallowed several times before speaking. "But I can't satisfy you," he said in a hoarse whisper. "I don't want... I can't...I'm not even hard."

"Did you enjoy kissing me?" asked Harry softly.

"Yes."

"But it unnerves you that I am aroused?"

"No...yes," said Severus, almost too quietly to be heard.

"Nothing will ever happen between us that you don't want as much as I do. But I know saying that, and you believing that in your heart of hearts, is another thing. So, I see only one solution." Harry paused and locked his eyes on Severus'. "You shall have to make me a potion that keeps me from becoming aroused, so that we can relax and kiss each other without worry."

Severus stared and then grew angry. "Don't mock me!" he hissed.

"I'm deadly serious. Make the potion, I'll take it. I've already explained this: there's more to a loving relationship than sex and more to sex than a penis. Given how stimulating I find you, I don't want you afraid of me, worried or tense. I'll stop taking the potion when and if you ever are comfortable with that aspect of our relationship." Harry looked Severus squarely in the eye, challenging him to call him a liar.

"Fool, those potions are possibly permanent," he said harshly, gesturing to himself. "You're a young man, why would you risk such a thing for some fling?"

"I don't consider this a fling, Severus. If you do, well, that does change things." Harry lay back down to gazed at the ceiling again. I'm going to have to put a mural or a maze on the ceiling if I keep spending so much time staring at it, he thought.

Severus continued to stare at Harry, chewing on his bottom lip. Finally he spoke. "Why would you even think of taking that potion?" he asked.

Harry rolled his eyes. "I'm starting to think that you are the fool." That earned Harry a death glare.

Sitting up, he leaned toward Severus. "I love you, Severus. That's why. That's what my heart tells me. You're paranoid, an emotional wreck, skinny, scarred and your nose is too big. I love you. You're brilliant, truthful and beautiful. You frighten me with your darkness and fill me with hope with your goodness. You drive me crazy and you make me laugh. I so desperately want to see the man you'll become when you're confident, happy and accepting of love that is freely given to you. I will do nothing or everything, as you wish. I love you." Harry lay down again, and waited. He was terribly afraid of the rejection he felt that must be coming and yet he did not regret a single word, for it was the truth.

He felt the shifting of the bed, and watched as Severus rose from the bed, picked up his dressing gown, wrapped it around himself and walked out of the room. Harry watched the door close and heard him cross the hall and close the door to the study. Harry stared at the closed door, a mounting pressure compressing his chest. Taking deep breaths, he tried to ward off the tears pricking at the corners of his eyes, tried to ease the pain gripping his heart. But like a wave reaching its crest, it crashed down on him and he wrapped his arms around his pillow and cried out his ocean of tears.