A Midsummer Night's Fic

All was not well at Hogwarts.

Now that's how you start a fic! Anyway, as I was saying, er, writing, everything in the Gryffindor common room was in a bit of an uproar. Ron and Hermione were driving Harry mad! He'd walked into the common room to find them sitting by the fire kissing again. And Ginny was following him around again, trying to find an excuse to talk to him. Annoying little brat, couldn't she tell when she wasn't wanted?

"Ginny, why are you following me? Go snog your boyfriend or something!" Harry said.

"He and I are over. I'm to into...someone else," she replied, attempting to be mysterious. It wasn't working.

"Well duh! That 'someone else' is sick of you trailing him!" Hermione walked over.

"Hermione! I should have known you were the cause of all this. Why don't you and my dear brother go die already?" Ginny spat.

"I can't help it if they both like me. I'm really not surprised. But don't worry; Ronald and I are leaving tonight. We're meeting in Forest at midnight," Hermione told them smugly. Harry looked crestfallen (what a word!).

"Thou wouldst prefer to have him, not me?" Harry cried. Both girls looked at him, utterly confused.

"Sorry 'bout that," he muttered sheepishly.

*A/N: C'mon, a little Shakespeare never killed anyone. Well, except for Romeo and Juliet. And maybe a few others.*

"What?" Harry whined. The author gave him a severe look and told him to get his rear in gear and keep going with the scene. He sulked a bit, then continued.

"I think he's just a bit shocked that you like me more than you like him," said Ron, now joining them with a smirk on his face.

"What about me?" Ginny whined. The other three looked at her and she stalked off. The author rolled her eyes and dragged her back. Ginny let loose a string of words that had to be edited out. She left again and the author let her go this time, afraid of the Bat-Bogey Hex.

"I'll see you later, Ron, I have a ridiculous amount of homework to finish," Hermione told him.

"I'll help!" Harry offered brightly.

"God no!" said Hermione as she went off the library.

*A/N: Hermione spends so much time in the library, she's set up a nice little tent as a sort of home-away-from-home place when she gets too carried away with studying. It's really quite nice, what with the amazing view of the Charms section and all.*

Later that evening, Harry grabbed his Invisibility Cloak and headed off for the forest. When he was a few yards (wait, this takes place in Britain) meters in, he removed the cloak.

"Harry!" he heard behind him. Merlin's beard, he thought, she just doesn't quit.

"Leave me alone, Ginny," Harry said as he searched for Ron and Hermione. Well, mostly for Hermione.

"Fine, I'll go then!" she said and stormed off.

"Castle's that way," Harry told her, pointing in the opposite direction of where she was going.

* * * *

*A/N: Harry and Ginny are now hopelessly lost, wandering aimlessly through the Forest.*

"Ron, are you there?"

"Hermione?" They hugged (awwww).

"So why are we here?" Hermione asked.

"Umm...the author said so?" said Ron. The author smacked him upside the head. "I mean...we need to get away from a place that doesn't want us to be together. Too many people support the H/Hr ship."

"Ship? What ship?" Hermione asked, extremely confused.

(An edit later, after the author realized the characters don't know about ships. They would probably be traumatized...)

"People want you to be with Harry to much. It's better if we leave," explained Ron.

"Right then. Well, I'm completely exhausted. I think I'll just lay here and take a nap. We can leave in the morning."

"Fine then. I'll just go over here and wait," Ron sat down, his eyelids getting heavy. "I'll...wait...until..." He began to snore.

* * * *

While all this was going down, Hagrid was having a nice chat with Dobby in his cabin. Hagrid's cabin, that is. Not Dobby's. He's a house-elf. He can't own property. That'd be silly. (Hermione gave a scathing look and threw an S.P.E.W. badge at the author. Ow.) Anyhoo...

"Hagrid sir, something is going down in the Forest," said Dobby.

"Really?"

"Yes, sir. It looks like there are students in there having troubles sorting out their love lives," explained Dobby. Hagrid thought for a moment.

"Well here. Take this Tibetan Turnip an' put a few drops o' the juice on a person as they're sleepin'. When they wake up, they'll fall in love wif' the firs' person they see."

"Yes sir, Hagrid. I think only the boys are confused. I'll just get them," Dobby decided.

"Well, on whoever yeh wan'. Jus' don' mess it up!" said Hagrid indignantly. (Dunno what it means, J.K.R uses it a lot.)

*A/N: This is about to get very interesting. And weird.*

Dobby left and wandered around the woods for a bit. Here we go...(The author took a deep breath.)

* * * *

Ron was having a fantastic dream. He'd just stabbed Harry through the heart with a broomstick and won the Quidditch Cup at the same time. He awoke to find Harry standing over him, wand pointed at his head. (The exhaled. That was an awfully long time to hold her breath.)

"Get up, let's go!" Harry ordered. Ron had actually been a sleep for quite a while as Harry stood over him. Harry would have woken him up, but he was always such a butt munch in the mornings if someone woke him up.

"Wazgoinon?" Ron saw the wand and yelped. Harry shushed him.

"Don't shush me, I'll shush back!" Ron said. Harry dragged him to his feet and pulled him off into the woods to duel over Hermione. Somehow (mostly to make the story work) both boys passed out. Dobby scampered (sweet word) along, not recognizing either boy in the dark. He squeezed the turnip juice into their eyes, which stung a lot and they both woke up. Dobby snuck away and...Ginny walked into the clearing. Both boys saw her. The turnip kicked in. Yeah.

"Ginny!" both boys said at once, each looking at her rather oddly.

"Ron? Harry? What's going on? You both look...a bit odd," said Ginny.

"Ginny, I love you," said Harry.

"What? Since when?" Ginny asked.

"He doesn't love you the way that I do, Ginny," said Ron. Ginny began to back away slowly, looking confused and revolted at the same time.

"Umm...are you two sane?" she asked.

"I am. But the thought of you makes me crazy," said Harry dreamily.

*A/N: I apologize for the sappiness, but really, neither boy can be held accountable for his actions at the moment.*

"Okay, lemme get this straight. You," she pointed at Harry, "hated me not to long ago and now you 'love' me. And you," she pointed at Ron, "You... you're my flipping brother!"

"You want me to flip for you? Okay!" Ron did a series of fairly impressive back flips and ended only when he hit a tree. Harry giggled madly. Ginny tried to storm off dramatically and ran into (quite literally) Hermione. Both boys followed.

"Ron, where have you been? I've looked everywhere!" Hermione cried as she went to hug him. He shoved her away.

"Ugh, don't touch me. I'm sorry (well, not really) but I just can't stand you anymore. I'm in love with Ginny!" declared Ron. Hermione almost fell over.

"Eww, she's your sister!" Hermione cried.

"And?" Ron asked. Suddenly, a boy who looked very much like Malfoy, except that he had the head of a donkey, came running through the woods. He was being pursued by Professor McGonagoll, whose middle name, funnily enough, is Titania.

"How do you put up with all this, Hermione? They're both bugging the crap out of me!" Ginny complained.

"Geez, Ginny, make up your mind! An hour ago, you would have killed for this attention! You're just so...so..."

"Stupid? Annoying?" suggested the author helpfully.

"Don't put words in my mouth!" snapped Hermione.

"Um...it's kinda what I do," said the author. "Now keep going!" Everyone began arguing (rather loudly). Then Dobby came into the clearing.

"Lord, what fools these mortals be!" he cried.

"Hold the phone. You're mortal too," Harry said.

"Dobby knows that, sir. Dobby was just saying that for effect." Dobby replied. More arguing ensued. Then, once again to make the story work, everyone except Dobby passed out and Professor Dumbledore entered, stage right. He waved his wand, mumbled some Latin, and everything was right again. Yay Dumbledore!

Just as everyone was waking up and snogging the right person, Malfoy Donkey-Boy wandered back into the clearing.

"Right...forgot about him," said Dumbledore. He thought for a moment. "Okay there's two ways we can end this. We can finish it up nicely and leave it at that or...we can set up for another chapter! What do you think?"

"Sequel!" exclaimed Harry.

"Fix it now!" brayed Donkey-Boy.

"Both!" said Hermione. Everyone stared at her, utterly befuddled. "Set up for another chapter, but make it so if the author doesn't write another chapter, it won't leave anyone hanging!" The author thought for a minute, then agreed.

"Right-o. Malfoy..." began Dumbledore slowly. "You will be stuck like this forever."

"How does that set up for a new chapter?" Malfoy cried.

"Let me finish! The only way to fix it is if the readers decide to send the Golden Trio and Ginny on a quest. They will have to brave the strange places at world's end to restore you with the help of..." Captain Barbossa walked into the clearing, munching an apple.