Harry Potter and the Thunder of Thor

Why must Ron and Harry still be such bumbling teenagers? From Harry mistakenly assuming his dream girl is in a coma (in fact she is, but is occasionally out of it - confusing, to be sure, but who cares? Just read the damn thing!) and dating her lookalike, a Starbucks employee who had been mugged by a rampaging Norse god; to Ron making false assumptions about Hermione's true feelings for him, and asking her out (needless to say he was rejected), only to see her later dating a Slytherin (not what you'd expect from the girl who punched Malfoy in the face, but hey! Whose story is it, anyway?), the dynamic romantically-failed duo sets out to save the world and save their emotions.

Thor cannot find the right girl, Blaise is toying with the wrong girl, Harry tries to kill his best friend, Ron is depressed, and I can't think of a good rhyme here except for 'this is the end'.