The Road Home

Chap. 4 - WHAT ABOUT LOVE

Between classes, quidditch practices and Erin's private lessons, Harry didn't have time to do anything else. His friends seemed to understand this even though they missed him a lot. Ron actually looked rather busy himself, to Hermione's dismay. He got out almost every weekend, always with a different girl. Hermione, in the other hand, spent most of the days studying at the library or in the Gryffindor's Common Room.

And Draco... Well, Harry thought about him every single day, to his distress. Ever since the library incident Harry hadn't talked to Draco. The only thing they did quite often was glancing at each other between meals and classes. He still didn't know what to do with the 'thing' - as Erin had called it- he had for Draco. And given that, he wasn't ready to admit what he really felt because he was way too scared.

The major problem was the dreams he was having about Draco. Dreams that were making him wake up all sweaty and... aroused. To clear his mind, he flew up and down Hogwarts' sky beyond the distances and height allowed for students. And at night he studied with Erin.

Harry was enjoying Erin's lessons. She was fun to be with and she knew History of Magic pretty well. She told Harry the most amazing stories about The Dark Arts. On one occasion, Harry said that he never knew History of Magic could be so interesting and fun to learn.

'And you are just discovering this now?' Erin said curiously. 'History is the most important subject you'll ever learn, Harry.'

'Well, it's not my fault really. It's just that Professor Binns makes everything sound so... boring. I don't remember ever paying attention to one of his classes,' Harry confessed.

'Oh, I see. But that's because Binns is a fucking mummy.' Instantly, Erin covered her mouth with her hands. 'God, I'm so sorry, Harry. I shouldn't use this kind of language in front of a student Gee! I shouldn't even say something bad about a teacher.'

'I don't mind.' Actually, Harry rather enjoyed Erin's sudden burst of improper comments.

'Maybe you don't, but it isn't appropriate.' Then she blinked at him with a grin.

Harry's only disappointment was the fact that Erin was teaching him nothing but The Dark Art's theory.

'It's too soon for you learn how to cast dark magic, Harry. You're not ready. To be honest, I wouldn't like you to cast it.'

'Then why are you teaching me? It seems pointless that you only teach me the theory.'

'There are other enchantments you can use to protect yourself, even to attack your enemies. Dark Magic is too dangerous.'

'Why don't you teach these enchantments to everyone in class then?'

'Well, they are ramifications of dark magic. Not exactly dark, but Dumbledore wouldn't approve.'

'Did you ever cast one?'

'Yes, but I'm not proud of it. Do you remember when I told you about druids, Harry?'

'Yeah. You said they were one of the ancient magic people.'

'Exactly. And what was their peculiarity?'

'They didn't use wands.'

'That's correct. Ten points to Gryffindor.' Erin grinned. 'The truth, Harry, is that witches and wizards don't really need a wand. It was invented only because at some point magic got out of control. A wand not only chooses the witch or wizard but actually controls them. A wand, Harry, is a magical object to give our powers balance. Dark magic is difficult to control and when you cast it, the wand can become unbalanced. You have no idea how disastrous that is. Take Peter Pettigrew for example... he lost balance and an entire block blew up. I don't think he actually had the intention to kill so many people. Not that I'm defending him or anything, it's just that he wasn't really skilful with a wand. '

'You know the truth about Pettigrew?' said Harry astonished.

'Yes. I know a lot of things Harry. I also know about your godfather, and I know you two keep in touch as often as possible.'

Erin was full of surprises. Harry liked her a lot, even though he had the impression that she was hiding something. But then Lupin also hid the fact that he was a werewolf and when the truth came out, Harry didn't like him any less.

October came and the Quidditch season started. The first game was Gryffindor versus Ravenclaw. This meant that he would have to play against Cho Chang's team, who used to be Cedric's girlfriend and his secret - or not so secret - old crush. All of this came down on Harry like an avalanche. He was so nervous at the beginning of the game that he thought he would be sick.

Throughout the game he kept his eyes on Cho, who seemed totally distracted. Harry had to save her three times from being hit by a bludger. After the third minute, he decided to end the game as quickly as possible for his' and Cho's sake and caught the Snitch.

The victory tasted bitter. He didn't even celebrate. When the game was finished, he debated with himself whether he should talk to her or not. Even trembling all over, he decided to talk to her. "You were great out there. Congratulations."

"Thanks, Harry. You were too, as usual," she said with a sad smile.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I think. You don't need to worry about me, Harry. Everything that happened was awful but I'm moving on. I have to, you know. I just want you to know that I don't blame you. It wasn't your fault."

"Some people don't think that way."

"That's because they are stupid."

They smiled at each other.

"If you need someone to talk to, you can count on me," Harry said and Cho threw her arms around him.

"Thanks, Harry. I really appreciate your concern."

They hugged for a long time.

-------------------------

Draco Malfoy was looking for Harry after the Quidditch match when he saw the most frightful scene of his life. Harry Potter and Cho Chang entangled in each other's arms. He forgot to breathe for a second. Hot surge of jealousy wrapped around his whole being, consuming his soul.

He'd been watching over Harry for an entire month. He knew every movement Harry made and every person he talked to. He sabotaged all the stupid tricks Crabbe and Goyle had wanted to pull on him in Potion's classes, and this was the way Harry Potter thanked him, being wrapped around that bitch.

He was so full of rage that he only realized what he was doing a second before he got near Weasley and Granger. He knew it was a childish act, but he couldn't control himself.

"Hey, Weasel!" Draco took up a handful of mud from the ground and threw it at Ron.

The mud hit Hermione right on the face.

"You bastard, son of a bitch, Malfoy!" Ron threw back some mud in Draco's direction.

Instantly, a war of mud was detonated and almost all the students were throwing wet earth at each other. It took a while for Professor McGonagall to reestablish the order.

"ENOUGH!" she yelled. "WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS??"

"Malfoy started it Professor," Ron said furiously. Some students validated Ron's words.

"Mr. Malfoy, what do you have to say in your defense?"

"That Ron is ugly as a troll and he deserved it? After all, some say mud is quite a cosmetic." The Slyhterins laughed so hard that some of them almost choked. Ron became red as a ripe tomato.

"You will serve detention, mister!" Professor McGonagall said enraged. "TWO weeks of detention! And I hope you'll learn a lesson. Follow me, please."

At some distant, Harry watched everything with a disappointed look on his face.

------------------------

Professor McGonagall set up his first detention that same night with Professor Jones. Draco didn't really care. All he could think about was Harry Potter and Cho Chang as a couple. That hug scene would give him nightmares for a long time. He felt suddenly ill.

He knocked at Professor Jones office door and entered. She was sitting at her desk holding a guitar, strumming a soft and very sad tune. She stopped for a few moments, told him to sit down and started playing again.

The music instantly penetrated deeply into his soul. The words seemed so familiar that he felt like he was actually living the song. She had a delicate, smooth melodious voice and he soon felt himself drifting away.

"I don't remember when I got cold
it was when he would lay into me
Told that you were worthless from five years old
Is it part of your destiny
He's standing next to me
I cannot breath
When will I have the guts to leave?

Runaway
from all that is sacred
Escaping the shadows over me
Run away
You'll never make it
It's all that a child believes

I don't remember when I felt warm
I was never quite good enough
I only wanted the simple things
like being told you were loved
he's still supporting me but where's the faith
Looking in his eyes I sense his hate

Runaway
from all that is sacred
Escaping the shadows over me
Run away
You'll never make it
It's all that a child believes

I never cry for sadness
I cut off from the pain
I won't forget your madness
but I'll forgive you anyway
but I'll forgive you anyway
He's standing next to me
I cannot breath
When will I have the quts to leave"

Suddenly it hit him hard. The song fitted perfectly the relationship he had with his father.

The song ended and Erin remained silent for a few minutes. "Sad, isn't?" she asked Draco with a melancholy look.

"Yeah," he whispered, still lost in unpleasant memories. "Who is it from?"

"Amanda Ghost. It's called 'A Child Believes'. I read somewhere that it's a song about her father. But it could easily be a song about my father as well."

'Or mine', Draco thought.

"It's a beautiful song though," Erin continued. "Did you ever notice that sometimes things are so sad that they are beautiful? It's such a contradiction. How is it possible that something sad is also beautiful?"

Draco didn't say anything. His voice was trapped inside his throat.

"Enough with this philosophical rubbish!" Erin said pulling herself together. "What the hell are you doing here, Mr. Malfoy?"

"I thought Professor McGonagall..."

"Yes, yes. I know you are here to serve detention," Erin interrupted him. "What I want to know is why did you attack Mr. Weasley from out of nowhere?"

"I don't know. I wasn't thinking."

"I see." Erin looked at him intensely. "It was quite a mud war you started. But I don't think you were just having some fun. Actually, I think you were relieving your feelings."

"What are you talking about?" he asked defensively.

"I think you know. Do you realize you might have screwed it all up?"

Draco looked startled. "What!?"

Erin sighed. "You might have screwed things up with Harry. He was really pissed off when I saw him. But I think you still have time to fix it."

"I don't know what you are talking about. I don't want anything to do with Harry Potter. Except perhaps hand over his head on a plate to Voldemort."

"I don't believe you. I saw the way you looked at him when you thought nobody was watching."

"I don't like Potter, ok?" he crossed his arms.

"Ok. It's a pity though. He seemed to like you."

"Really? Did he say anything?" The moment Draco said this he felt really stupid.

Erin laughed. "Relax, Draco. I don't want to upset you. Harry didn't say anything to me. I'm just an excellent observer that's all. If it's any consolation, I think you two are cute together."

"You are crazy, did you know that?"

"Yes. What can I say? It's a family curse." She blinked at him and he smiled.

"Don't you think it's wrong?" he asked carefully.

"What?"

"Potter and I. Together."

"I'm sure some people wouldn't approve. But I don't mind. I think everything is worthy when there is true love involved. You love him, don't you?"

"Maybe. But if you tell this to anyone..."

"I won't. That's a promise."

"Thanks, Professor."

"Oh, just call me Erin. I have a problem with family names..."

Draco nodded. "Just to let you know, I won't make it easier for you in your classes. I have a reputation to keep, you know. I'm still a Slytherin. With or without Potter."

Always in a good mood, Erin smiled. She knew she was supposed to be angry hearing him say that but she couldn't help admiring Draco's courage. He sure had the nerves talking to a Professor with such haughtiness.

"Ok, then. Let's get back to business, shall we? For your detention, let's see... well... just get down on the floor and give me two hundred push-ups."

"WHAT!?"

"Oh, and if you lose count, you'll have to start over," she said with a sadistic smile. Draco looked horrified. "Oh, cheer up, Draco. I'm only joking."

--------------------

Erin dismissed Draco a little before ten o'clock. All he did was starting an essay about griffins, creatures that had the body of a lion and the head of an eagle. Griffins... Gryffindor... Erin had the strangest sense of humor. But he liked her.

He was turning around a corner when he collided with someone.

"Hey, watch where you're going stupid, clumsy, son of a bitch!" he shouted before he knew who it was.

"Gee, Malfoy! And you should watch your language!"

"Potter!?"

"Yeah, that's my name."

They looked at each other for a long time without saying anything.

"If you'd excuse me, I'm late. Could you please get out of the way?" Harry asked with a fake politeness.

The indifferent tone of voice was the fuse that snapped Draco's fragile state of mind.

"Fuck you, Potter! Just because you are a fucking celebrity and you won another fucking quidditch match doesn't mean you own the school. "

"Ok, you lost me there. I officially declare you insane! I'm just passing. You, on the other hand, are the one acting like the school is your property. I'm not in the mood for you right now, Malfoy. Especially after what you did to Hermione today."

"That mud wasn't meant for her, all right?"

"God, you're unbelievable! You say it like you deserve a medal or something. For hitting Hermione instead of Ron!? That's so bloody noble of you, Malfoy."

"I'm sorry, all right?" Draco shouted, irritated.

"What did you do that for? Give me a bloody damn good reason before you can say you're sorry."

"I don't know why I did it." 'You are such a liar, Draco', he thought. 'You know exactly why you did it. Because you wanted to hurt Harry by hurting his friends. Because he hurt you. Deeply. But I rather die than let him know this.'

"Brilliant. This just corroborates my theory that you were just being your usual self. And to think I actually thought that..." Harry stopped talking, abruptly.

Draco noticed the slip and took full advantage of it. "You thought... what?"

"Nothing," Harry muttered.

"Come on, Potter. What did you think?" Draco insisted.

"I thought that maybe, just maybe, you were a good person. And that maybe we could be..."

"What?" Draco whispered.

"Just forget it, ok? This is a waste of time. People don't change. You won't change."

"I said I'm sorry already. What else do you want from me?"

"I don't know. Maybe I want you to prove it to me that you have a soul."

"And why do you care if I have one or not?"

"I don't. Just let me pass," Harry said, tiredly.

Harry tried to go away but Draco blocked his passage. "I had to do that, ok? I had to prove to the Slytherins that I'm still one of them. It's been a while since I did something nasty to you and your friends. They were starting to get suspicious. I couldn't let that happen."

Although this wasn't exactly a lie, it wasn't the real reason for attacking Ron.

"Still... You said you would help me, but you did nothing till now." Harry accused.

"That's because I have nothing to report to you! Do you expect my father to write me down his schedule? 'Dear Draco, here is my 'to do list' for this week. On Monday I'll met one of the most prominent Death Eaters' family. On Tuesday I and my Death Eaters pals are going to murder a muggle family. I'm sending you the address in case you want to join us...'

"OK! ENOUGH! I got the picture," Harry yelled then asked curiously. "Does your father really have a schedule like that?"

"For Merlin's sake, Harry!" Draco ran his fingers through his hair.

He noticed that Harry was looking at him with a weird look on his face.

"What is it now?" Draco asked, exhausted.

"You called me Harry."

"Oh..." Draco called himself stupid. "Sorry, I promise it won't happen again."

Harry wanted to say that it was ok but what came out instead was: "Yeah, you make sure of that. I thought you didn't send anything to me because you would never talk to Dobby. After all he is..."

"Beneath me. I know," Draco interrupted, irritated with Harry and himself.

"...just a house-elf." Harry finished. "You know, Malfoy, Dobby is a good friend. He tried to help me once, in a weird sort of way but he did. And he's a good... creature. I trust him. That's why I think he is the best for the job. But if you don't want to talk to him, we can..."

"Just shut up, Potter!" Draco pulled a face. "I never said I didn't want to talk to him. You were the one who jumped at the wrong conclusions. I'll talk to the bloody house-elf, if that's what you want, when I have something important to say."

"All right, you don't have to be so edgy about it. Listen, I have to go. And one more thing, stay away from my friends. I'll see you around."

As Harry was passing by, Draco didn't miss the chance to grab him by his sleeve. Harry said something that resembled 'What are you doing?' and Draco pressed his body against him.

"You forgot to say goodbye properly," Draco said before touching Harry's lips with the tip of his tongue. Harry moaned softly.

Harry was shaking all over. Draco brushed his lips against Harry's and his fingertips started to explore Harry's face with what approached reverence.

"Malfoy?" Harry muttered.

"Yes?" Draco almost didn't recognize his own voice. He was absolutely dazzled.

"Stop teasing and just kiss me," Harry demanded urgently.

He felt Harry putting his arms around him and holding him close. 'God, this feels so good.'

Before they could kiss, Snape's voice resounded like a thunder. "Look, Jones, I don't care if you think Potter and Draco are probably fine, all I care is that you said he was late and Draco is also missing so..."

"But I also said that they are probably fine!" they heard Erin's irritated voice. "God, you're so stubborn."

Harry and Draco instantly backed away from each other, disappointed for being interrupted.

"Well, Potter, that was interesting."

Harry looked at him with a sly grin. "Don't think too much of yourself, Malfoy. Bye."

He headed for Erin's class just a moment before Snape and Erin appeared at the end of the corridor.

"Mr. Malfoy, I hope you have a good explanation for being out of the Slytherin dorms until now since your detention ended long ago," Snape said taking him away.

He couldn't care less though. Not after what happened between him and Potter.

--------------------------------

Midnight.

Hundreds of little creatures stopped everything they were doing when they saw Draco Malfoy entering the enormous Hogwarts' kitchen. One of them opened his eyes wide and cried out: 'Master Malfoy!'

Draco saw himself surrounded by a few dozen serviceable house-elves ready to please and serve. They brought him all kinds of candies and a big milk-shake.

"Hey, watch out!" He said when one of the house-elves almost dropped something on him. "Who is Dobby?" Draco asked impatiently. He would kill Potter for making him do this.

A creature with bulging green eyes stepped in front of him. "I am sir."

Draco frowned, trying desperately to remember him. In Malfoy Manor, ever since he was just a little kid, he'd learned that a pure blood wizard only spoke to a servant when it was strictly necessary. Therefore, he barely knew the house-elves' names. For him they were all the same. Creatures that existed only to serve his caprices. That idea never bothered him before, but thanks to Harry Potter and his goody-goody personality he was now inside the Hogwarts' kitchen, being observed closely like he was some sort of a four headed monster, trying to be friends with a house-elf named Dobby. 'Damn you, Potter!'

"Potter seems to trust you. Why?" he asked curiously.

"Master Potter is Dobby's friend, sir. He gave Dobby these socks for Christmas." With a grin, Dobby showed him his feet covered with a pair of orange socks.

Draco made a face. "I always knew Potter had a terrible taste for clothes. Did he talk to you about me?"

"Yes, sir. He said you will help him. He said you probably would not come, but you did."

"Good. That's the Potter I learn to l..." Draco closed his mouth quickly before he could say something stupid. He pulled out a note of his robe. "Can you give him this?"

Dobby took the piece of parchment carefully. "I do not trust you sir. I told Master Potter this. Master Lucius Malfoy is evil."

Draco looked stunned. Never a house-elf had been so bold and defiant in front of him. "I'm not my father."

"Your father tried to kill Harry Potter by opening The Chamber of Secrets. Harry Potter almost died sir. But he is strong and brave. He fought against Tom Riddle, and won."

"WHAT!? My father was the one that opened The Chamber of Secrets?"

"You did not know this, sir?"

"No! I can't believe this! The bastard didn't tell me anything! How did it happen? Tell me the whole true story and not the fairy tale that runs around Hogwarts."

"Master Lucius Malfoy slipped Tom Riddle's diary among a student's books and made her open The Chamber of Secrets, releasing the Basilisk that was inside it. Harry Potter defeated the Basilisk and Tom Riddle. And Harry Potter helped Dobby to be free. For that Dobby will be in debt of Master Potter forever. And Dobby will protect Harry Potter no matter what."

"I'm touched by your loyalty. Only Potter can inspire that kind of thing in people... or creatures. God, I can't believe my father didn't even mention this. Who was Tom Riddle?"

"He was the Dark Lord. Only younger."

"How was that possible? Wait! Of course! He preserved his memory in the diary. And my father never told me any of this..."

"Dobby thought you knew sir."

"My father doesn't tell me this kind of stuff. He doesn't trust me." The revelation hit Draco fully. "He doesn't trust me. Not Lord Voldemort. He doesn't trust me. Why am I surprised by this? He never loved me. I was always a bloody toy."

"Is Master Draco all right?"

"No, I am not. Listen carefully, Dobby. I like Potter. And I will do anything to protect him as well. That's why I'm going to help him. You can trust me, and so can Potter. But don't let him know how much I care for him, ok?"

Dobby saw the sincerity in Draco's blue eyes and nodded. "If you like Harry Potter, then you are friend of Dobby too. You can count on me sir."

Draco smiled. "Thanks. Just make sure he receives this letter, all right? It's important. For me, at least..."

----------------------

"Hey, mate, are you still awake?" Ron asked near Harry's bed.

Harry opened his eyes and nodded. "Yes. I was waiting for you actually. Where were you?"

Ron grinned at him. "I was at the Astronomy Tower with Joanne Highs."

"Joanne Highs? She is in seventh year!"

"Well, yeah."

"And she is a Slytherin," Harry said. 'Look who is talking, Harry. You are interested in a certain blond Slytherin as well.'

"I know that, Harry. But she is bloody gorgeous."

"What are you doing, Ron?"

"What do you mean?" Ron put his pajamas on and lay down on his bed.

"Going out almost every night with different girls. It's awful. Someone told me Parvati was in love with you and you broke her heart."

"I never lied to any of them. I said I didn't want to go steady."

"That's not how the heart works. You can't tell it how to feel."

"Come on, Harry. Are you lecturing me? Please, tell me you aren't. We are bloody young. We should be making good use of this while we still can. You don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Not with Voldemort on the loose."

"Are you afraid of dying? Is that it?"

"No! Maybe. I don't know. I don't want to talk about it, ok?"

"If you are afraid, don't you think you should spend your time with someone you love? I mean, what about love, Ron? All these girls... don't you feel empty?" Harry insisted.

"Gee, Harry. Are you on something? You are too sentimental for my taste. I'm only enjoying life, ok? Love... is a weakness."

Then Harry understood what that was all about. It wasn't that Ron was scared of dying. He was scared of losing someone he loved. Like Hermione. Harry knew his friends were very much in love with each other. He noticed the sadness in Hermione's eyes every time Ron kissed another girl. And he noticed the way Ron seemed to be protective around her. He just couldn't understand why they didn't admit it. But now he did.

"What about you, Harry? Are you in love with someone?"

Harry's face went white. "Sort of. I'm not sure."

"Really? Why didn't you tell me? Who is it?"

"No one."

"I thought you trusted me," Ron said looking hurt.

"I do! It's not... I just want to make sure of what I'm feeling before I can say it aloud."

"Ok." But he still sounded upset. "Goodnight."

Ron pulled the curtains around his bed and Harry sighed. He thought about Draco Malfoy and how he always seemed to lose his mind when he was around him.

Through the darkness he spotted something moving. "Dobby!"

"Dobby has a message for Harry Potter, sir." With his long hands he gave Harry the piece of parchment. "He said it was important."

Draco, Harry thought with his heart beating fast. "Thanks, Dobby."

When Dobby went away, Harry opened the parchment with his hands trembling a little.

"I'm only writing to say that you did it, Potter. If you are reading this, that means I went to the damn kitchen to meet Dobby. I don't really have anything important to report you though. The only one sending me stuff from home is my mother and I have the feeling that my father trusts her as much as he trusts me, which means not at all.

I realize you won't believe this but I'll say it anyway. I'm sorry. For everything. I wasn't thinking when I started that mud fight (although it was funny, you have to admit it.) All I can say in my defense is that I was too upset at the time.

You can trust me, Potter. Maybe there are some aspects of my charming personality that won't change. Ever. But I'm not like my father. Even if it doesn't show, I have a heart. And it beats like it's hallucinating when... Well, you don't have to know this. I have the feeling that you wouldn't appreciate it.

Things between you and I are all or nothing, right? I hope it's all.

I want to explore this 'thing' between us, Potter, whatever it is. I don't know how you feel about this. But you must feel something, otherwise you wouldn't... you know. Sometimes you look at me with such intensity... Do you mean what your eyes seem to say to me?

You are making me soft. I feel so stupid. And it's your entire bloody fault, Potter! I hope you're happy. Harry Potter, not only known as The-Boy-Who-Lived but also the boy who tamed Draco Malfoy. Yeah, right! You wish!

I'll prove that you can trust me, Potter, whatever it takes. I need your trust. I...need you."

Harry's heart was almost coming out of his mouth. He was totally speechless and amazed. He couldn't hide the fact that he was completely and madly in love with Draco Malfoy. Not anymore.

It was a long time before he fell asleep that night.