Take me Home

Chap. 21 - Love Reconstructed

Blaise slammed the door to the Slytherin boys' dorm and threw himself onto a bed in frustration. He was being pressured to talk by everyone around him, but he still refused to do so. He didn't feel ready yet. He wanted some time to organise his thoughts and priorities first. Not surprisingly, almost no one understood his need for space. The only one really supporting him was Dumbledore. Harry seemed to have cooled down too, and wasn't nagging him about Draco anymore. In fact, Harry's mind seemed to be somewhere else, which intrigued Blaise. The rest of the Order seemed to think Blaise had an obligation to them. But Blaise remained aloof from everyone's coercion and stares of mistrust.

His head was filled with thoughts of Seamus. After making sure that his mother really was ok, Seamus was the only thing occupying Blaise's mind. Blaise had vanished without a word, and he could only imagine the kind of impression he had left on Seamus. He should have asked Harry about his boyfriend, but it wasn't in his nature to do so. He would rather sulk and imagine the worst scenario possible than show weakness in front of others.

Blaise doubted that Harry had told Seamus about his real mission. Harry had probably been too hurt over Draco's supposed betrayal to care about clearing Blaise's name. Blaise had preferred it that way, but he wasn't so sure now if it was a good idea to have left Seamus in the dark about his whereabouts and errands. Seamus might never give him another chance. His boyfriend had never truly believed that Blaise didn't love Draco - not that Blaise had ever persuaded him otherwise. By leaving with Draco, Blaise had dug his own grave.

He sighed, then tossed and turned on his bed. He considered writing a letter to Seamus, but didn't know where to begin. He wasn't good at apologising. He was at a loss as to how he would win Seamus back.

Blaise jumped slightly and frowned as he heard a knock on his door. No one needed entrance to the Slytherin dorms since the students would only be back after New Year's Eve. Draco had been put under surveillance in another wing of the castle where Dumbledore himself could keep an eye on him. The only one who could be knocking was Professor Snape, Head of Slytherin. The thought of having Professor Snape in his chambers didn't please Blaise. The Professor had probably come to pressure him into more talking.

"Don't they ever learn? I want to be alone!" Blaise exclaimed, and his voice sounded strangely strangled in the empty room.

He stared at his own red eyes in the mirror. Perhaps he was more stressed out than he had thought. He hoped he wouldn't burst into tears all of a sudden, because that would be most humiliating for a cold lad like him.

The person knocked again, and then the soft voice of Seamus was heard. "Blaise, are you there?"

Blaise's heart stopped. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He swallowed a couple of times, and took a deep breath.

He knew Seamus would leave if he didn't show his face soon. He wondered, idly, how Seamus had managed to enter the Slytherin common room.

"Blaise?" he heard Seamus calling again and his heart constricted.

Blaise moved towards the door and twisted the knob determinedly.

They didn't dare to say a word to each other at first. They couldn't take their eyes away from each other. In Blaise's eyes, Seamus had never looked so handsome and refreshed, which, actually, made him a little upset. He was hoping to find Seamus devastated in his absence, but that didn't seem to be the case.

In Seamus' eyes, Blaise seemed to have lost all traces of his boyish looks and was now a full grown man. He was enchanted by this new image of Blaise. It was like seeing Blaise for the first time, falling in love for the first time. He looked harder, and by default sexier. Seamus' fingers twitched as he almost stretched his hands out to Blaise, but he controlled himself.

"You're frowning," was Seamus' only remark.

His words only made Blaise frown more. "Really?" After so many days apart, Seamus' opening sentence seemed very stupid. Blaise was expecting Seamus to yell and be like his usual passionate self. He was surprised to see Seamus holding back. "Why are you just standing there?" Blaise asked.

"I'm waiting for you to invite me in," Seamus said.

"That isn't like you," Blaise muttered. He gestured for Seamus to come in and then closed the door behind them.

Seamus quietly sat on the bed, linked his fingers together and then looked down. Blaise found his behaviour quite odd.

"You're scaring me," Blaise blurted suddenly.

"I can't tell at all," Seamus sneered back, which also was highly unusual of him.

Blaise grunted. "What are you doing here? How did you know I was here? Was it Potter?"

Seamus sneered again. "Yeah, it's so lovely to see you, too. I'm all right, in case you're wondering. And no, I didn't bloody miss you at all!" Now that his previous shock had passed, Seamus was letting his anger overtake him. He stood up with his fists clenched and his face red.

Blaise was rejoiced by the sudden transformation. Seamus was acting more like the person he had fallen in love with and not like some stranger he had just met.

"Who told you I was here?" Blaise asked, composed. He knew that his aloofness would set Seamus on fire even more. He wasn't mistaken.

"You... you're such a bastard!" Seamus shouted.

"Was it Potter?" asked Blaise again. He might not have been showing anything on his face about what he really felt, but deep down he was very happy to have Seamus in front of him.

"No, it wasn't Harry. Well, sort of. Hermione sent me a letter telling me that you were here and she told me that Harry wanted me to know. What does it matter anyway?"

"You came quickly," Blaise pointed out.

"You know my family's house is not that far away." Seamus held his chin high.

"But still... you came. You must have missed me," Blaise said with a smirk.

"No, I just came to personally kick your ass!" Seamus exclaimed furiously. "I hated you a lot when you were gone. I couldn't understand why you would have left me that way. I kept thinking that I'd done something wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Blaise said seriously this time.

"But the way you left... It was so sudden. You had promised me that you wouldn't join You-Know-Who, and that was exactly what you did. Do you have any idea how I feel? I feel betrayed. And it's even more horrible to know you left me to be with Draco!" Seamus accused. "You broke your promises to me. You made me feel miserable."

Blaise bit his lower lip and he tried to control the anger in his voice when he said, "I didn't have a choice. Draco needed someone to go with him, who wouldn't raise suspicion. I was that person. You know I'm perfect for that. I know how to hide my emotions very well."

"Oh, I'm very aware of that," Seamus said bitterly.

"I went because I thought I could make a difference. I thought I was protecting you!"

"Oh, don't give me this bullshit!" Seamus exclaimed, upset by Blaise's excuse. "You didn't do it for me! I wanted to you to stay! You went because of Draco!"

"I went because Draco needed me to look for his cure, and the Order needed me to spy for them. Draco only convinced me to go when he reminded me that one of your parents is a Muggle. You aren't a Pureblood. I thought that I was doing something good by spying for the Order. For the first time in my life, I felt needed. I felt like I had a place in the world. I... I also did it to help Draco. I won't lie to you," Blaise said, surprisingly honest. "But I don't love him that way. This whole experience showed there's only one person in my heart. And I came back because of him."

Seamus' expression softened, and he remembered Harry's words when they were comforting each other. Harry had told Seamus that Draco and Blaise had left to be heroes; to protect their loved ones. He could see for himself now that it was true. Blaise wasn't lying to him. He could see Blaise's sincerity in his eyes. His heart melted and his lips trembled. Without his anger to protect his heart, all that was left was that unbearable pain and the need to cry. He had missed Blaise a lot.

"Who is this person?" Seamus asked in a whisper.

Blaise made a face, but he answered softly, "Idiot! It's you."

Seamus finally allowed his passionate nature to take over. He threw his arms around Blaise and hugged him tightly. Seamus couldn't believe his lover was actually safe and standing in front of him. He was glad that nothing bad had happened to Blaise. He had been so afraid for him.

When Blaise felt Seamus' warmth again, he felt as if he could cry. He was in bliss, but being a Slytherin, he held himself in check. He breathed Seamus' scent deeply and was inebriated by it. It was thanks to his sweet memories of Seamus that Blaise had been able to keep his sanity in the Black Fortress. He cupped Seamus' face in his hands and wiped away the tears.

"Don't cry, stupid," Blaise said gently.

"Don't call me stupid," Seamus replied, pouting. "I'm still mad at you, but I love you too much not to forgive you. I'm glad you're ok. I'm so glad you came back to me."

Blaise thought his heart would burst with happiness. Seamus still loved him. It was the best news he had received in a long time. It was that love that made him say, "I'm sorry."

"Why didn't you write me right away and let me know you were here?" Seamus asked. "Were you planning to tell me at all?"

Blaise sighed. "I was, but... I didn't know what to say. I'm not good at this. I thought you were really angry, and I was afraid that you had moved on and left me behind."

"I tried to forget you. But no matter how furious I was with you, I just couldn't. You were always in my thoughts," Seamus confessed.

"I'm glad Granger sent you that letter telling you I was in Hogwarts. My letter would have taken a while to get to you."

"I know." Seamus stared deeply into Blaise's eyes and then kissed him. It was a sweet, gentle kiss to welcome him back. Blaise almost melted. "Are you planning to stay? Please, tell me you're staying. I don't want you to go back to that place."

"Well, I don't plan to go back soon. In fact, I don't want to go back at all. That place is hell." Blaise stroked Seamus' hands tenderly. "My feelings for you kept me sane. And in the end, I don't even know if I did the right thing by going with Draco. I thought I could make a difference. I thought I was being helpful. But in the end, I'm not sure if my efforts were enough. I couldn't find Draco's cure. I don't even know how to lead the Order to the Black Fortress."

"Don't think like that. For me, you're already a hero just for trying. Besides, I doubt your efforts were in vain. I'm sure you helped a lot. Dumbledore will surely tell you this. You were very brave," Seamus said. His comforting words made Blaise's heart feel lighter. "But the next time you try something that dangerous, please let me know."

"I thought I was protecting you by not saying anything," said Blaise.

"I know. Hermione told me."

Blaise frowned. "How did she know? And if she told you, why are you still angry?"

"I wanted to hear the words from your own mouth," Seamus stated. "I wanted you to apologise."

"You're mean..."

"Oh, look who's talking!"

"I love you, though," confessed Blaise heartily, taking Seamus by surprise.

"Me too," Seamus said with tears in his eyes. "No more secrets, Blaise. And let's mean it this time!"

Blaise smiled. "Ok. I'll try to be as honest as possible," he teased, bringing Seamus closer for another kiss. "Seam..." he whispered. "I really missed you. I... never want to let go of you. Can you really forgive me?"

Seamus smiled. "Yes. How can I not forgive you when you tell me such sweet things?"

They held each other for a long time before finding their way to Blaise's bed. As they lay down together and snuggled, Blaise felt at peace with the world and himself. Seamus made him a better person. His love had saved his soul. He shut his eyes tightly so as not to cry, because it wouldn't look good if it did. Seamus was indeed a wonderful person for giving their love another chance.

----------------------

Four days later Remus was discharged from the Hospital Wing. His body was fully healed, but his spirit would never be the same. He blamed himself for failing with Alex. He could barely look into Erin's eyes when she received the news that her brother was dead and there wasn't a way to recover his body so they could hold a proper funeral. His heart had cried with her as he had watched her silent tears falling.

Remus had been avoiding everyone. He didn't feel like hearing news from the Order or talking to his friends. He spent most of his time alone, trying to look for some meaning in his life but finding none. He desperately prayed for some peace of mind, but his suffering wouldn't let him rest.

The only reason he hadn't abandoned everything yet was Harry. He was very attached to Harry and he wanted to be strong again to keep fighting for him. But at the moment, Remus didn't feel he was the best man for the job. And he was seriously thinking of quitting because, perhaps, Harry was better off without his help.

If he was being honest with himself he wasn't good with people. Alex and he had shared something special. Alex had truly understood Remus' feelings, because he had been a Werewolf, too, and therefore knew the pains and sufferings of being an outsider very well. But Alex wasn't there anymore.

The fact that Sirius wasn't angry with him should have made him feel at ease, but every time they met, Remus was reminded of his own clumsiness and unhappiness. Sirius had been acting strangely, and Remus suspected that his sudden attentions were caused by pity; they couldn't mean anything other than that.

Remus didn't want anyone's pity, so Sirius' constant care was getting on his nerves. If only Sirius loved him... But Remus had come to the conclusion that it would never happen, and it was better that way. Sirius belonged with Narcissa, not with a screwed up guy like him. Love just wasn't for him.

He sighed miserably, and was about to enter his room and hide underneath his covers when he felt a light touch on his shoulder. He flinched and then turned around to meet Erin. Remus felt a pang in his heart at the sight of her.

"Do you have a minute?" she asked.

He nodded, unable to say anything else, and led her in. After closing the door, they sat down on a couch near the fireplace and stared at each other. Remus was the first to look away. He still couldn't face her properly. Erin's sharp eyes were piercing through his heart.

Erin coughed a little, and then she began, "I've been looking for you everywhere. Sirius is really worried about you. He seems to have the impression that you're avoiding him. I told him to stop being silly because there was nothing personal in your attitude. You've been avoiding everyone. I know that you feel like being alone, and I think you'll be glad to know that I can't stay for too long - I left Theo with Severus and he always panics when I'm not around... But... I wanted you to know that if you want someone to talk to, you can come to me."

She smiled softly at him, which only made his guilt increase.

"You don't have to suffer alone, you know? You have good friends ready to lend their shoulders to you," she said.

"I'm really sorry, Erin," Remus said dejectedly without really listening to her. "I'm sorry about Alex."

"Well..." she smiled feebly. "I can't say that I knew him. Not anymore. We stayed apart for a long time. But I'm sad that I lost him once more. We didn't have much time to know each other again... And I also feel sorry for him because I know he loved you and he really blew it... You don't have to excuse him just because he's dead. He was wrong about trusting Voldemort. But his death redeemed him in a way. He saved you. He did a very noble thing in the end."

Erin left out the fact that she didn't feel that Alex was really dead. Something in her heart was telling her otherwise. But since she wasn't certain about it, it wouldn't be right to tell anyone. She didn't want to create false hope, because there was a sweet, broken man in front of her who needed to mend. The wrong words could make matters worse. She couldn't stand the deep sadness in Remus' eyes. She didn't want to make him feel gloomier.

"You don't blame yourself anymore, do you?" she asked. "Whatever Alex did with his life, it was up to him, not you. He made his own choices and-"

"It isn't that," Remus cut her off rudely and regretted it almost instantly. "I don't really feel like talking, Erin. I'm sorry. You're right. I just want to be alone."

It happened very quickly. She caught a glimpse of anger mixed with sorrow in his eyes, and then she understood what it was really about. He wasn't feeling guilty exactly. Perhaps he hadn't even noticed what was really bothering him and making him so sad. She shook her head and sighed deeply.

"I get it now," she stated. He glanced at her curiously, but soon looked away. "You're a bright man. Of course you know his death isn't your fault. That's not what's bothering you. Do you know why you still feel guilty?" Remus shook his head and Erin went on as delicately as possible, "You feel guilty because you're angry with him. If Alex was here, you'd be delighted to punch him."

Remus opened his eyes widely. He wanted to protest it, but he couldn't find the right words. He just listened to the rest of her speech, horrified but fascinated at the same time.

She smiled. "What? Isn't it true? What you're feeling is perfectly normal. I want to kick his ass, too. He betrayed me. I gave Dumbledore my word that he wasn't a bad person, but look what he did. I'm very angry with Alex, and this feeling won't disappear right away just because he's dead. On the contrary, it kind of gives you the feeling that things were left unfinished.

"But that isn't all, is it?" she kept going. "You're angry with the world because you want to be loved. You want someone who will not only die for you but also live for you. You feel that if Alex really loved you he wouldn't have joined Voldemort in the first place, and none of this tragedy would have happened. If only he would have stayed here instead of dragging you along with him to that horrible place."

She had hit a nerve. Remus felt her words hurting him deeply, making him rather uncomfortable. He stood up and began to pace around the room nervously. "Shouldn't you be with your baby? You said you wouldn't take long, right? I thought you were still recovering from your labour. I heard it was quite difficult. You should be resting." He wanted her out. He felt ashamed of his feelings, ashamed that after such horrible events he could only think about himself and his unhappy life.

She leaned her chin on her hand and her elbow on the arm of the couch, and looked at him thoughtfully. "Thank you for your concern, but I'm fine. It's you I'm worried about. You should punch a pillow or something. It would do you good."

"Erin..."

"What?" she blinked. "Am I wrong? Isn't that why you're so upset? Alex let you down, and so did Sirius. You have the right to be upset, and that's what I'm trying to make you realise. Be angry with me too. I don't care. You need to cry your heart out. But don't give up on love, Remus. Never give up on love. It took me a while to convince Severus that he could be loved, too. But here we are now. We even have a baby! Love doesn't always happen the way we want to or dream of, but... it's there somewhere. There is someone dying to comfort you, if you'd just let him. He's a bastard, but he's willing to redeem himself."

Remus frowned with his arms crossed in a defensive position. "Whom are you talking about?"

"Why, Remus, I'm talking about Sirius, that stupid dog!" she exclaimed with a grin. "He isn't exactly what you would call Prince Charming, but he does love you."

Remus shook his head in disbelief, and then sneered. "You don't know what you're talking about. Trust me; Sirius doesn't feel that way about me. He made that very clear. Besides, he's with Narcissa."

"I heard through the grapevine that he and Narcissa broke up," Erin said matter-of-factly.

Remus' heart almost stopped. She shouldn't play with him like that. It was too cruel. He hadn't heard anything about it. But then again, he had been too busy running away from everyone. He remembered vaguely when Sirius had tried to tell him something, but Remus had purposely avoided him.

"Are you serious?" he asked, trying to detain his anxiety.

Erin smiled and replied, "Yes. Why would I lie to you?"

"Just to try to cheer me up?" he suggested.

"I am trying to cheer you up, but I wouldn't tell a lie to do so. I don't know what happened between you two; all I know is that Sirius does look regretful. You know he's stubborn and block-headed by nature, but give him another chance. He's been walking around looking like a little lost puppy. It's really pitiful. I almost want to take him to my room," she said playfully. "Severus wouldn't like it, though..."

Remus smiled for the first time in days. He was feeling conflicted about the whole thing, but Erin's way of conducting things put him at ease. She was the kind of person who could totally disarm a man. Remus was torn between remaining miserable or going after Sirius and taking his chance on happiness. His heart was pumping hard in his chest. If Sirius really loved him, he couldn't understand why he still hadn't said anything to him. Then again, Remus hadn't been paying much attention to him. He did remember Sirius telling him that he loved him. It was just that, at the time, Remus thought it meant it as a friend. The thought of Sirius actually loving him made him feel dizzy and breathless.

"I have to go now," Erin said, seeing the light dawning in Remus' eyes and taking her leave. "I have to see how Severus is doing. He's been very cranky these days... All because I told him to go to Romania with Lucius and James... Honestly, how many wives are as nice as I am? A free trip with friends to such a cool place and no wife around... I am too nice..."

Remus frowned. "What are you talking about?"

She raised an eyebrow. "Oh, you didn't know? They're planning to go to Romania to search for the blue rose."

"The blue rose?" Remus was stunned. "But why? The blue rose is nothing but a legend."

"Maybe. But there are indications that the Vampires might have it. It doesn't hurt to go check it out. It might be a way to bring Draco's old personality back."

"Why wasn't I notified of this?" Remus asked.

Erin made a face. "My guess is that you were... You just weren't listening."

Remus sighed. She was probably right. James had tried to talk to him, but Remus had pushed him away. He suddenly realised that he didn't want to be left out of things concerning Harry and Draco. He had a glimpse of Harry's great love for the Malfoy boy and it had touched his heart. He wanted to help Harry in every way he could.

"Erin?" he called when she was at the door. She looked at him expectantly and then, with a smile he said, "Thank you. I might punch a pillow later."

She chuckled softly. "Good for you. But in addition to hitting a pillow, you should also talk to a certain love-sick dog..."

Remus nodded his head and his expression softened. "I will."

------------------------

Draco felt like he was under house arrest. While he wasn't free to go wherever he felt like alone, at least he hadn't been put in some dirty cell with enormous rats. He also had wonderful meals, which made him think that Dumbledore and the Order weren't very familiar with the concept of imprisonment. Or perhaps that was their strategy: to kill a person with their excessive kindness.

Professor Snape had been chosen to ward him, so Draco spent most of the time in the company of Severus and Theo. Draco was still shocked to find out that the grumpy Potions Master was not only married but also had a child. Professor Snape didn't look like the fatherly type at all, but he seemed to be pulling that off all right. Sometimes Draco felt a little jealous of that father-son interaction. Even though Snape was clumsy and moody, Draco could see in his eyes his love for little Theo.

Draco watched quietly as Snape rocked Theo in his arms until the kid fell asleep. He was stunned to see Snape's expression soften. He was even amazed that Severus didn't mind showing his softer side in front of Draco.

"What?" Severus snarled as he felt Draco's eyes upon him.

Draco shrugged. "Do you have any idea how odd it is to watch you taking care of a child?"

Severus made a face. "I know." He carefully put Theo in his cradle and almost let out an exclamation of delight as Theo began to suck his thumb. Instead of melting into a puddle, he crossed his arms and frowned to avoid grinning like an idiot. Severus needed to watch himself. He needed not become too soft. Just yesterday he had almost joined Erin in her excitement as she showed around pictures of Theo making faces. It would be mortifying for a man like him to go parading his son around proudly; as if Theo was some sort of prize. The kid was excessively cute, though, and Severus wasn't the only one who thought that.

"Do you trust me with him?" Draco asked. "I'm a Death Eater so I might harm him when you aren't looking."

Severus shot him a sharp look. "I wouldn't be so stupid as to leave anyone alone with my child, least of all you. But I trust you. Even though you don't remember a lot of things, in essence you're still you. You're a miniature version of what your father was like when he first joined Voldemort. Maybe you're a little braver than Lucius ever was, but Lucius was only interested in power and fortune, not in slaughtering people. You wouldn't harm my son. But try anything, and you're dead," Severus warned Draco quite seriously.

Draco made a face. "You lot really are getting on my nerves. I am vicious. In spite of this fairytale you told me about losing my memories and feelings for a certain air-head, I'm still in control of my life and I do as I please!"

"Well, of course," Severus smirked. "You're a Slytherin. You are a lot sassier, Draco, but I don't believe that your heart has turned evil. Well, not completely. I bet Voldemort expected to control you easily, and I'm sure you gave him that impression, but you still have your own consciousness. You're nobody's puppet."

"I'm certainly not!" Draco stated snottily.

Severus hid a smile. "Exactly. Now I know why Potter has been calmer these days. He already talked to you, didn't he?"

"WHAT? Why do you think that?" asked a disturbed Draco. "What does Potter have to do with anything?"

Theo made a sound at the raised voice and Severus scowled at Draco and dragged him to his office.

They stared at each other for a long time until Severus sighed, annoyance showing in his eyes. He hated to be the one to watch Draco. Severus had to admit that Voldemort had done a good job at turning the boy into an obnoxious brat. Draco's new personality was quite annoying. He was very demanding and bossy, and he seemed to think that the world revolved around him. Draco was a typical Malfoy now: one that Lucius would have been very proud off if his love for James hadn't changed him.

The kid was quite stubborn, too. Draco refused to believe that he had lost his memories and that he was being controlled by Voldemort's potion. Severus couldn't blame him. Draco didn't look sick anymore, and he certainly didn't look like he was being controlled. Severus could only imagine that the potion had turned out the wrong way and he wondered if Voldemort was aware of that fact. Draco still had a mind of his own. It made it even harder to try to find a healing potion for him. Severus had already made Draco drink three different healing potions, but none had worked out. It was quite exasperating because Severus would be forced to join Lucius and James - the sickening couple - to their trip to Romania.

"Sir?" called Draco. Severus grunted something and Draco said, "You know, sir, I do think of you as a traitor," Draco began. "And I can't understand why you joined Dumbledore instead of Lord Voldemort, but..."

"Can't you?" Severus interrupted with a sneer.

"But," Draco went on as if he hadn't heard anything. "I still admire and respect you. So it's very difficult for me to hear you sometimes talk about Potter in such a fond way."

Severus raised his eyebrows. "When do I talk about the brat fondly?"

Draco crossed his legs and tapped his right foot on the floor. "Please... It's pretty obvious that you have developed... feelings... for Potter..." Draco said with apparent disgust.

Severus was torn between laughing like a maniac and hexing Draco into oblivion. "I do not have feelings for Potter, for crying out loud! I might have become a little soft on him... But let there be no mistake, Draco. I still bug him every chance I get. That much hasn't changed. Potter still gets on my nerves on daily basis."

"I don't understand anything anymore," Draco said, frustrated. His eyes stared into space thoughtfully. "It's hard to believe I'm just a toy in Lord Voldemort's hands. I have a brilliant future with him. They told me Potter was responsible for making me lose my memory. I do hate Potter so much that it has become an obsession. There's this voice in my head telling me constantly to destroy him. But at the same time..." Draco stopped abruptly, embarrassed that he had let his tongue slip so much. No matter how much he esteemed Severus, he had to remember that Severus was his enemy, not his friend.

Severus picked up some papers off his desk and without looking up he said, "It's the potion talking, not you. Although I never approved of your relationship with the brat... And I still don't see what made you fall for him..."

"Yes! It's absurd! I would never let myself be involved with a dull person like Potter!" Draco exclaimed.

"Even so," Severus went on, settling his papers in order and then looking at Draco. "I got used to both of you being... together. I know it's hard on you, because now you're completely taken by the things Voldemort promised you - and I know how great those things can be, believe me. But forget everything for a moment. Try shutting down your brain for a few seconds and listen to your heart's desire. What does your heart tells you?"

Draco moved around uncomfortably and then he sneered. "You mean... Right now? My heart tells me this is all bullshit. How can I take any of this seriously?"

"And yet you're here, acting the perfect gentleman, even though you could hex me without your wand. You can escape any time you want, because quite frankly we aren't treating you like a real prisoner. But you're still here. Now, why is that?" Severus asked, his eyes piercing through Draco like they were able to read his soul.

Draco stood up to pace around and calm his pounding heart. He didn't have an answer, and he didn't feel like he needed to have one. But if he didn't say anything, Severus would think he had hit the right spot, which wasn't the case. Draco had only stayed because he wanted to observe them. He wanted to study the enemy from the inside so he would have something to tell Voldemort when he got back.

Draco leaned his back on the wall and crossed his arms. He tapped his foot on the floor unconsciously, indicating clearly that he was upset. Severus had hit a nerve. No matter what Draco told himself, it was because of Potter that he had stayed without putting up a fight. Because that thing between them was driving him crazy and keeping him awake at night.

But Draco had to reply, otherwise Severus would be left with the wrong impression about his true feelings. He opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Erin's arrival.

Draco was always disturbed around her. He couldn't remember her at all, but there was something about the way she looked at him that made him quite uncomfortable. Every time they met Draco felt that she wanted to say something to him, but instead she only stared at him. She was pretty and young, and he couldn't understand why a girl like her had married a grumpy person like Severus. Everything about her was a mystery. The most unsettling thing was that, even though Draco didn't know her, deep down it seemed like he did. And she knew.

"Hello, there," Erin said with a shining grin. "How's Theo?"

"Sleeping soundly, thanks to me," Severus said proudly, making her chuckle softly.

"That's good to know. Well, I'll go check on him just in case..." Severus was about to grunt, but she cut him off by adding, "Not that it's necessary, but I can't stay away from my baby for too long. And I'll make myself some tea. Want some?" she asked them.

"No, thank you," Draco and Severus answered in unison.

"Ok. I'll see you later," she said, winking at them and leaving the office.

Draco almost breathed out in relief as she made her exit. Once more he had escaped her disturbingly silent scrutiny. He looked at Severus, who seemed busy with some papers again. Draco bit his lower lip, and wondered if he should say anything. It seemed as if the moment for him to defend himself had passed, so whatever he said would sound out of place and suspicious. If he said something about Potter or what laid in his heart, Severus would know for sure that Draco was indeed questioning his heart about what felt real and what didn't.

"Something wrong, Draco?" Severus asked with a frown.

Draco started. He hadn't noticed Severus' eyes on him. He was about to answer when another person entered Severus' office quite hastily. Draco's heart beat quickly as he laid eyes on Harry Potter.

"Sir, Dumbledore is calling you. He says it's very urgent," Harry said, looking straight at Severus.

Harry didn't notice Draco's presence in the room, and the blonde didn't know why that fact bothered him. He cleared his throat before he could stop himself, and was happy to see that Harry's eyebrow went up in surprise as their eyes met.

"Draco..." Harry blurted, staring at him with his mouth slightly open. It didn't take long for Harry to recover from his shock and find his voice again. "I didn't know you were here."

Severus looked at both boys in front of him and frowned. He didn't think it was a good idea to leave them alone, but since Dumbledore had said it was urgent, he couldn't be delayed.

The boys couldn't take their eyes off each other. It was as if Severus had suddenly become invisible. Severus quickly exited from his office to search for Erin and ask her to keep an eye on them until he got back.

He found Erin in their son's bedroom, quietly sitting on the armchair, sipping her tea. She raised her eyebrows in suspicion as he approached her uneasily.

"I have to see Dumbledore right away, so I need you to watch Draco for me. Potter is with him," Severus said. "You know what a disaster that could be, so don't leave them alone for too long."

Erin's sweet smile sent shivers down his spine.

"Erin, this isn't a joke. It anything happens to those boys..."

She waved her hand. "Oh, don't worry, Sev. Just go. I'll cover for you." He hesitated for a moment and she made a face. "I promise I won't let them kill each other. I don't really think they'll hurt each other, though... But I promise to keep my ears alert, and if I hear an explosion, I'll be sure to interfere."

"Erin..."

She rolled her eyes and stood up. "All right. I'll stay with them until you get back. Now go!"

Severus looked one last time at her and then left. When she was sure he was gone, she sat back in the armchair and sipped her tea again. "I'll just give them a few minutes alone..." she whispered to herself with a smile.

------------------------------

Draco and Harry barely noticed Severus leaving.

Harry felt conflicted.

It was nice having Draco alone to himself, but being with Draco somehow bothered him. He knew the Draco who loved him was still there. He had felt it in their kiss. But as he stared at Draco now, all he could see was a stranger, and that unsettled him.

A few days ago Harry was sure of himself and of their love for each other. He didn't know why he felt so insecure now. He was trying his best to help Draco. He wouldn't back out just because all of a sudden he felt unsure of himself.

The silence annoyed Harry, forcing him to find his voice again and ask, "How are you?"

Draco wrinkled his forehead and then sneered, "How nice of you to ask. You haven't looked for me these past couple of days and yet you claim to be 'so in love with me'." Draco felt like bashing his head on the wall the moment the words left his mouth. He couldn't believe he had said something like that. It sounded like he cared, like he had missed Potter. He hadn't, of course.

A wide smile appeared on Harry's face, dazzling Draco for a moment. "Are you complaining? Am I hearing it right?" Harry asked playfully. Draco's words had the power to bring his confidence back. "Don't tell me that you missed me."

"Of course I didn't! Are you crazy?" Draco snorted. "I was being sarcastic, in case you didn't notice. Why would I miss you?"

"Because you can't forget our kiss," Harry suggested seductively.

Although Draco was shaken by the memory of their kiss, he just rolled his eyes and pretended not to care. "Yeah, right. Like that would ever happen. Perhaps you haven't looked for me anymore because you got scared."

Harry licked his lips and smiled. "And again you berate me for not looking for you. You seem really worried about my reasons for ignoring you these couple of days, Draco. Now, why is that?"

Draco grunted. "You sure think highly of yourself, Potter! I'm most certainly not berating you. I'm really glad you decided to ignore me. And stop calling me by my first name!" Harry's chuckle made Draco grumble even more. Draco didn't know the reasons why he always lost his cold demeanour when Harry was around. He also couldn't understand why his heartbeat quickened so much or why he felt his lips tingle as if they were waiting to be kissed. He did not want to be kissed by Harry ever again.

"You haven't tried to escape," Harry pointed out. "Why?"

"That's none of your business," Draco mumbled, annoyed.

Harry hesitated a little, but then he walked towards Draco and stopped only inches away. Draco flinched almost imperceptibly, but didn't back down. It was a battle of wills. They just stared at each other for a long time. Every once in a while Harry's eyes would switch to Draco's lips, making the blond feel as if he would surrender first. If Draco leaned forward just a bit, their lips would seal in the sweetest way. But he couldn't do that or else he would be forever doomed.

Harry, on the other hand, wasn't feeling so conflicted. To learn forward was just the natural next step for him. Before their lips could meet, though, Draco asked, "What are you doing?"

Harry just shrugged. "I dunno." His unsteady breath made Draco shiver slightly.

"Well, whatever it is, don't," Draco said, but Harry could tell by the sparkle in his eyes that he was asking otherwise. He wanted Harry to be bold and defy him. Draco's body language was clearly inviting.

So, Harry took the next step without thinking anymore. He decided to take what was his and kiss that delightful rosy mouth that had been tempting him from the start. Draco struggled at first, but didn't put much effort into it. The blond opened his mouth enough to let Harry's tongue slip inside and melt him away.

Draco couldn't help thinking that whatever spell had been cast on him to make him destroy Potter wasn't enough to fight against Harry's powerful kiss. Harry's kiss proved itself to be a very interesting counter-spell; one that left Draco defenceless.

As Harry kissed down his jaw line, Draco thought he saw his silver ring glitter softly. He closed his eyes and tried to break free from Harry's spell, but it only made things worse. He willingly let his mouth be possessed again and again until they were both out of breath. When Harry's hands slid down to caress him more intimately, something snapped in Draco's head. He pushed the other boy away and slapped him hard on the face. Panting, they stared at each other.

Harry stroked his face softly. It hurt a little, but it was worth it. His smile made Draco grunt.

"What's so funny?" Draco asked, crossing his arms and leaning on the wall in a defensive posture. "Are you a masochist or something?"

"Aren't you going to ask me to leave?" Harry asked back.

Draco sighed, irritated. "Well, will you? I mean Snape isn't back yet. I suppose he left you to guard me."

Harry chuckled. "That's precious. You're quite an obedient prisoner. You're the only one who accepts being guarded so well."

"Shut up. I..." Draco was at a loss of words and it terrified him. The truth was that he liked having Harry around. "I don't think it's funny to be played with."

Harry frowned. "I'm not playing with you. I'm trying to help you remember."

"What if I don't want to remember?"

Harry shook his head and stated, "I don't believe you. Look into your heart, Draco. You know there's something between us and it scares you. It scares me, too, now more than ever because I have to win you over. The fact that you haven't kicked me out of here is proof enough for me. You may not remember our love, but you want me. You wanted me to kiss you."

"I did not!" Draco exclaimed, outraged. "I slapped you."

"Exactly! Do you think a simple slap can scare me away? If you had really wanted to repel me, you'd have cast a spell to knock me out."

Draco paced, too nervous to stand still. He turned his back to Harry and groaned. His heart was a mess. He wanted to push Harry away. There was a voice inside of him demanding him to do so. But there was another part of him that wanted the opposite. He had never felt this kind of passion with anyone and wanted to taste more of it. Without Voldemort, it wouldn't be so wrong to surrender, if only for a little while. Draco told himself it would be an interesting way to pass the time, to learn more about Harry. He could even use that experience to familiarise himself with his enemy's weaknesses and report them to Voldemort when he returned to the Black Fortress. Yes. That was the perfect excuse. It would prevent him from committing his heart. He would take what Harry had to offer and then throw it away when he became bored.

Draco turned around and smirked viciously. Harry frowned in suspicion. "What?" the brunette asked.

Draco shrugged and cocked his head charmingly. "Nothing."

Harry bit his lower lip at the sudden change of attitude. Draco didn't look defensive anymore. The silver-blue eyes looked darker and dangerous. Harry knew that look very well. Draco had just turned the game around and was now trying to play the seducer.

"Don't tell me..." Harry began, slightly amused.

Draco raised an eyebrow curiously. "What?"

"You're obviously tempted by me, so now your pretty twisted head has come up with a way to enjoy yourself free of guilt. You'll sleep with me and tell yourself that you're only doing it to figure out a way to destroy me later. Am I right?"

Silently, Draco cursed Harry for seeing right through him.

"I don't mind," Harry stated, surprising Draco. "Make whatever excuses you like, but I'd like you to be with me. I'm a big boy. I know how to take care of myself."

Draco sat down on a chair and then looked at Harry thoughtfully. "Let me get this straight. You don't mind that I'm out to get you." Harry shook his head and Draco sneered. "Well, I can't blame you. I am that good in bed."

"It isn't just sex, Draco. It's a lot more than that."

Draco snorted. "Would you stop calling me Draco? It's really annoying."

"Whatever! We promised each other that we would never give up on our feelings. I don't plan to give up on you, no matter how hopeless it seems sometimes. And if the only way to get close to you is to let you use me, so be it. I don't care. I'll use all the time we have together to try to make you fall in love with me again. I'll beat this stupid curse without the use of a healing potion. You will be mine again."

Harry's words were strong and Draco feared them. It seemed to him that Harry might not be so far off. But Lucius had taught him well. Draco knew how to protect his heart. He wouldn't fall in love with Harry simply because Malfoys didn't fall in love.

Draco sighed. "You're crazy, Potter. You're willing to risk your ass, literally, just for me."

"That's how much I love you."

Draco snorted again. "Don't say stupid things like that! Let's make a deal. You don't call me Draco. You don't sweet-talk me either. I don't want you telling me sappy things, either. Our deal will be skin-deep. It's only sex and nothing else."

Harry was taken aback for a moment. Draco also couldn't believe he was saying those things and risking so much for a few moments of pleasure.

"Admit that my kiss sets you on fire and then we have a deal," Harry said, making Draco gasp.

"I won't...!"

"Then there's nothing left to say."

Draco felt like strangling Harry. "Fuck you! I just made it clear that I only want to sleep with you! If I hadn't liked your kiss, would I do something as stupid as to sleep with the enemy?"

Harry smiled. He hadn't really considered not accepting the deal. He just wanted to piss Draco off and make him admit that he desired Harry as much as Harry desired him. Draco seemed to realise Harry's game a little too late, and he cursed Harry aloud.

Their deal was a gamble, and they both knew it. There was no way to predict the results of their actions. But one thing Harry knew for sure. He would play to win. "See you in your room tonight?"

Draco snorted, but nodded his assent. However, his heart skipped a beat as he raised his eyes to Harry's to seal the deal. Tonight would prove to be very interesting.