Vidi, Vici, Veni

Chapter Seven

"Anger and Anguish"

Draco was dreading meeting Ginny that night. He spent his day brooding in the back of his classes. Even in Potions, Snape gave him a wide berth knowing that there was much the young man would have to face that night. He wanted to continue carrying on sending Ginny letters, but he had read her letter too late. He would have written his last letter differently so it wouldn't have to be so.

If only he could keep on making her smile and giggle. If only she could keep imagining him as some gallant man, sweeping her off her feet and riding a broomstick off into the sunset. No, he did not feel noble about his actions at all. If it weren't for the fact that his father raised him to behave and think in such an arrogant manner, he would have felt guilty.

Ginny wasn't fairing much better. An aura of anger emanated from her with a savage heat. Florence and Roxanne knew that something was bothering her, but Ginny's attitude told them it was better not to ask.

Draco was absent from lunch again that day as he didn't have much of an appetite. Instead, he spent his lunch hour down by the lake, charming stones to skip across the water. He deeply wished that his lame and malicious attempt at romance could go on though those emotions towards Ginny had left him. He knew that once his father married him off to some harpy, romance would never, ever be a fruit he could savour.

He wondered why he had never realized this until it was too late. Ginny had crept into his heart and he liked the feeling of it. During the ball, she had been a clever conversationalist and a sheer pleasure to be with. It had been a long time since he had had anyone that interesting to talk with, especially a girl.

At the end of Charms class, Draco asked Professor Flitwick if he could leave a few minutes early. He was allowed to go without question.

Draco wanted to get to his Potions class before Ginny would be out in the corridor and chance coming across him.

Ginny walked to her Transfiguration class, just waiting to glare at Draco in the corridor, but she never saw him. She just KNEW it was him. And tonight she was going to give him a piece of her mind, and possibly a right hook like Ron had taught her last summer. She didn't see him on her way to class and thought that maybe he got sick and was dying in the hospital wing. Serves him right if he is, she thought bitterly.

Draco sent a note to the kitchens ordering the house elves for Slytherin to bring his dinner to his room. He was in no mood to socialize with anyone. He just wanted to get a little food into his stomach so he would have the strength to climb to the tower and tell Ginny of his cruel joke.

~_~_~_~_~_~

Absentmindedly, Ginny was poking her chicken with her fork. She had no desire to eat, but forced herself. Figuring that if Draco pushed her too far, sneered at her and laughed too hard, she could always throw him off the Astronomy Tower. She could imagine Harry, Ron and Hermione cheering while the rest of the Gryffindors carried her on their shoulders, singing that the great prat was dead.

Hermione had cornered Ginny earlier in the day. She wanted to know if Ginny was all right and what the letter had said. Ginny showed her the crumpled piece of paper, her face emotionless. She assured Hermione that she fully intended to go and get this whole thing over with so Draco could get on to gloating to everyone how he wrapped her heart around his little finger and broke it.

"You know, Draco could lose face as much as you. After all, he learned to dance while nobody else in Slytherin would bother learning those muggle dances. He swept you off your feet; he tangoed with you when nobody else was on the floor." Hermione paused then backtracked, "Okay, nobody but you two and Snape and Mead.

"He has sent you love letters that could make him a laughing stock in his own house. He may have done all these things, but I don't get the feeling he'll be crowing about this in the morning." Hermione sighed and gave Ginny a reassuring hug that reminded her of the times her mother would tell her everything would be okay in the end.

~_~_~_~_~_~

Seven o'clock approached and two very unhappy figured made their way towards the Astronomy Tower. Draco got there five minutes before Ginny and stood watching the waning moon rise, waiting for the end of it all.

He could hear her approach. Draco started rubbing the ribbon from her hair between his thumb and forefinger, his hand in his robe pocket.

Ginny opened the door that led to the Observation Platform that was located one ladder climb from where students usually set up their telescopes. She saw a lone figure standing, looking out across the grass towards the Forbidden Forest. His face was in profile, the moon behind him. She could see from the slope of his nose and his silver blond hair looking paler by moonlight that her hunch was correct.

Draco stood silently waiting for the tirade to begin.

As she approached with each step, she felt herself becoming calmer. Finally she stood side by side with Draco, looking out over the forbidden forest with him. They watched the trees sway lightly in the late autumn winds that told of winter's near approach.

He was getting more and more nervous, unsure of what Ginny was going to do. His face was set like stone. "Never let them see you sweat," was what his father always told him.

"So," she quietly began, her voice measured, "why did you do it?"

Draco could deal with a screaming Weasley, but one so composed in a situation like this, especially a woman, made him think there was much more to worry about. "Revenge," he simply stated.

She nodded her head ever so slightly. "I thought so," Ginny remarked in a way that one would use to reply to a simple statement of fact. "Are you done with this..." she paused searching for the right word, "charade?"

Draco closed his eyes. She didn't look at him and he couldn't bear to look at her. He thought it best to answer her quickly. "Yes, I'm done."

She turned to walk away when Draco's hand shot out and grabbed hers. She yanked her hand out of his and turned to face him. He looked at her. If this is what it was like to induce the wrath of a Weasley woman, he pitied poor Arthur Weasley.

"WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?!?" Ginny screamed at the top of her voice.

Draco winced. He knew he had hurt her now. She was building steam for a screaming match and knew that if he just stayed quiet, the storm would blow over.

"You hurt me, fine," Ginny yelled. "Are you happy now?"

Draco wanted to say no, but thought that would be thoroughly misunderstood, so he kept his mouth shut.

"You danced with me, you made me happy, you wrote me letters, made me dream of you, and now you've just come to break my heart and gloat about it to your Slytherin cronies! You're sick, Malfoy! Fine, have your little laugh; pick on the poor Weasley girl. So poor, her parents won't be able to buy her a new heart.

"I should have figured you'd be behind something like this. No one would want to dance with me, not when they don't have a motive behind it or get something out of it. Is that why you danced with me?" Ginny figured Draco's stoic expression answered that question.

Draco felt an urge to speak and did so while he still had the nerve. "Yes, but I really did enjoy dancing with you." Before he could continue, Ginny started up again.

"I'm sure you did. And that kiss, what was that all about. You could have not done that and spared me the pain of becoming infatuated with you," she spat. "Why did you kiss me?"

"Because you were beautiful that night, because you are beautiful and I want to kiss you again right now." Draco could feel his emotional strength return. He didn't mean to add the part about kissing her, but in his inner turmoil, it slipped.

He wanted to kiss her and see if he could make her stop hating him this moment. Remembering that he was several stories up and unsure if he could reach his wand before he hit the ground if she pushed him off, he thought better of it.

"This is twisted!!! The game is up and you are still going on as if you care for me. Fine play your twisted little game, cause I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!"

"I care!" he shouted. He was going to tell her how he felt now, all that was reserved inside of him came bursting through. "Yes, I wanted to get revenge, but after dancing with you, kissing you and seeing you smile reading what I had written, I discovered I really liked making you happy. You have a gorgeous smile that lights up a room and you don't even know it. That fool Potter doesn't even know what an amazing woman you are.

"You think that I wanted to fall for you? Talk about a plan backfiring!" Draco was the one now shouting at the top of his voice now. "I don't want to hurt you anymore. I don't want to gloat, even though that was my original plan. I just wish I never agreed to meet you so I could at least continue letting you think that there was someone who loved you, someone who wasn't me."

Ginny's face went calm again. Draco wasn't sure if this was a good or bad sign. She turned to look out over the Forbidden Forest one more time.

In a low hissing voice she said, "I never want you to speak to me again, nor write or even look at me. Don't ever come close to me again or I swear that they'll be locking me up in Azkaban for murder." Ginny turned on her heel and walked through the door, disappearing from his sight.

Draco felt as if there was a lead weight upon his chest. It was over. He didn't feel any better, he felt worse. He exposed his feelings to her and he couldn't blame Ginny for not wanting damaged goods. He had hurt her. His plan went too well. The fisherman had been caught in his own net.

He began the long, slow walk back to the Slytherin dungeons. Now that it was all over, he hoped he would finally get a decent night's sleep and no longer dream of his nymph who had stormed away from him in anger tonight.

Professor Mead and Professor Snape stood watching out of a turret window in another part of the castle as the lone figure of Draco disappeared from the platform.

"It was for his own good, Severus," she reassured him. "Besides, without this cathartic event, there might not be a chance."

Snape looked at her then back out into the night. He brought her hand up to his mouth and kissed it tenderly. "I'm so glad I'm old enough to know what my heart wants without the misunderstanding of youth," he said.

"As am I, my dear."

~_~_~_~_~_~

The next morning, Draco had dark circles under his eyes and he barely touched his food. His eyes were glazed over as if he hadn't slept in years.

At the end of his Defence Against the Dark Arts class, Professor Mead called him to her desk. The rest of the class cleared the room and she moved to stand next to him. He was leaning against her desk, too tired to just stand.

Draco began by asking her questions that had been nagging him. "Why did you teach me to tango? Did you give her private tango lessons, too?"

Turning to him with a look of sorrow on her face, she put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "Sometimes when we find the right person, we need a kick in the pants to get us moving in the right direction."

His brow furrowed and the look that overtook him spoke pages of heartbreak. "I wish I never danced with her," he breathed.

"Yes, that may be the case, but would your heart be better off?" she asked, her face serious.

"Better off?" Draco thought that he might start yelling at a professor, there was a first time for everything. "You think that I feel better now? You've got to be out of your bloody mind."

Professor Mead went over to her bookcase and removed a small book and walked back to her desk. She picked up Draco's hand and placed the book on his palm. She went on, "There is an old saying, as much as you might think I'm crazy for saying it, your heart knows it's true. 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all.' "

Draco gave a snort of disbelief. He turned the book over and read the cover.

"Now, Mr. Malfoy. I have an extra credit project for you. Before the Christmas break, I want you to read this. Once you are done, we can talk some more about you and Miss Weasley." Professor Mead turned back to her desk to gather some papers together, then finished their conversation by adding, "And please do get something to eat Mr. Malfoy. You are positively wasting away before my very eyes. Good day."

Draco knew that this was her signal for him to leave. As he left the room, he reread the title of the book. He opened to the first page and read the first page.

Two households, both alike in dignity,

In fair Verona, where we lay our scene,

From ancient grudge break to new mutiny,

Where civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

~_~_~_~_~_~

Up until Christmas break, Draco would try to look at Ginny only when he was sure she would not see him staring at her. When he would hear her laugh, he would try to steal a look and savour the smile upon her face. Even though he couldn't bring her any more joy, he would sneak a look at her when she was smiling.

Draco took to avoiding the intrepid trio. It was just easier this way. He didn't have the strength to fight with Ron anymore. He felt like Romeo trying to avoid a fight with Tybalt.

On the last day before Christmas break began, Draco went to Professor Mead's desk at the end of class. He was waiting for her to come back to her desk before he began.

"I wanted to return this to you. I finished it." Draco placed the copy of "Romeo and Juliet" on her desk and continued to stand there. She paused and looked him over, judging his mood. She decided to wait and let him continue and he did as she guessed.

"So you think that Ginny and I are going to kill ourselves if we can't be together? That's a laugh, she won't even let me look at her." Draco closed his eyes and wished that the pain still lingering inside of him would fade away.

Professor Mead replied, "No, as I stated during a previous conversation, you are not star-crossed lovers. I'm merely pointing out that in this book if a girl of twelve or thirteen and a boy of fifteen or sixteen can look beyond the circumstances that surround them and still find love, than anything is possible."

Draco wanted to laugh at her. "So, you think that love conquers all?"

"No, but it sure does make life much more interesting. Don't you remember how you felt when Miss Weasley was in your arms, she was smiling and for a moment I know you were happy too.

"Now, isn't that worth fighting for? The chance to feel that at least one more time? Besides, faint heart never won fair maid." She looked at the book on her desk. "You know Mr. Malfoy, I have a few more copies of this. Why don't you keep it for yourself. Perhaps, Miss Weasley would enjoy reading this herself."

Draco looked at the book and picked it up. He muttered a sullen, "Thanks."

He was unsure what his next step should be. He looked at her, his eyes pleading for help. Draco never felt so helpless and so grateful to have someone who was willing to help. "What do I do now?"

"Go win back your lady fair," she said softly. Before he could ask how, she added, "You're just going to have to figure this one out for yourself. I can't do everything for you. I'm sure with a moment to collect your thoughts, you'll think of something. Now you'd better get going before lunch is over. Good day, Mr. Malfoy."

When Draco had left the room, Professor Snape slipped into the classroom.

He watched Calliope straighten the last of her parchment rolls. "I swear, how can a boy who is so talented in Potions and most of this other subjects be so thick-headed."

"Now, Severus!" she reproached him. "He's a young boy, he's confused. He just needed a little shove. I just hope it's not too late for Miss Weasley."

"If she's anything like her brothers," Snape began but was interrupted.

"Miss Weasley's heart may be a bit bruised right now, but it was not broken. She'll be okay, then she'll know what to do," she said with conviction.

~_~_~_~_~_~

After dinner, Ginny packed her trunk. Tomorrow, Harry, Ron and she would be heading to the house they spent so many weekends at last summer. Since Christmas at The Burrow was not safe, the whole Weasley family plus Harry would be at the back up headquarters for the Order, Phoenix Beta house. Hermione would be staying with her parents as the previous year she went to spend it with Harry and Ron at the last minute.

After breakfast, most of the school headed back to their dormitories to collect their trunks before the train ride back to King's Cross. Walking down a deserted corridor, Ginny saw Malfoy come around a corner. She had seen him in the corridors between her afternoon classes, but he always respected her wishes and had not looked at her. Her dorm mates remarked that Draco was so sexy, that he recently looked vulnerable.

Ginny could see him walking towards her. She finally looked him in the eye for the first time since that night on the Observation Platform. He did look vulnerable. Draco walked up to her and hoped she would stop and listen to what he had to say. It wasn't much, but it was better than the other things that he had practiced running though his mind.

She looked up at him and stared into his eyes, hers flashing with anger and defiance. "Well?" she asked curtly.

"I wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas," he said plainly.

She couldn't stop looking into his eyes. They were the colour of stormy clouds, of an angry sea lashing against the white cliffs of Dover. Her eyes softened a bit and Draco could not bear to look at her any longer. He felt as if his heart would dissolve away into nothingness. Quickly, he walked past her and then broke into a run, hoping to get to his room before the tears could well up in his eyes.

Draco slammed his door shut. All the other Slytherins had gone home for the holidays; there was no one to run into in the common room. He went to his wardrobe and opened a secret compartment. Inside was a bottle of Ogden's Old Firewhisky that he had stolen from his father's study. Draco Malfoy was going to drown his sorrows over Christmas break. Before he took his first swig from the bottle, he pulled out the teal ribbon from his pocket. It was frayed and tattered from frequent rubbing. It had lost her scent of roses and jasmine long ago, but he would still bring it to his nose and try to remember her smell. As he swallowed his first sip, he choked as the spirits burned his throat. As long as he could have a few moments without the thought of Ginny haunting his mind, he figured choking down this stuff would be worth it, even if it was temporary.

Being vulnerable to Ginny was the last thing Draco ever expected to feel. Even when his father would discover his weaknesses, he would still be able to harden his heart and close off his mind. No matter if it was the time his father had killed his dog or the time he had banished his only true childhood friend, Carter Banksmith, from seeing him ever again, Draco could find solace in his hate. This time, he could not make his heart or his mind go cold. He liked this strange feeling of wanting to expose the soft underbelly of his soul to Ginny, even if she hated him. As the whiskey began to numb his senses, it felt like a warm blanket was placed over the rawest part of his being, comforting the pain that sliced through him still.

~_~_~_~_~_~

Ginny sat staring out the window at the countryside, not really watching the blur of trees and hillsides in the distance. She could hear Harry, Ron and Hermione talk about all the things they would do over the break. Her mind began to wander back to her reoccurring dream. Since the night at the Astronomy Tower, about once a week Ginny would wake up in the middle of the night shaking, her stomach in knots.

The dream began with a masked figure waltzing with her. Shostakovich's "Waltz 2 from Jazz Suite" was playing. She wasn't wearing a mask, but they both were wearing their robes.

As they danced, he would ask her, his voice dripping with sweetness, "Do you want to know who I am?" Ginny would nod. "Do you love me?" She would shake her head.

The music stopped and so did they. Ginny could see two red eyes glowing from behind the mask. "Thank you," was all he said.

When he removed his mask, Ginny's mouth opened in horror. Lucius Malfoy had her grasped in his arms. He moved his hands to grab her wrists then threw her to the ground. Around her she could sense robed figures encircling her, drawing closer. Only one person approached who was not wearing a robe. He stepped into the inner ring of light that shone on Ginny from above. Tom Riddle approached her, a bemused smile curling the corners of his mouth.

"You've been most helpful," he sincerely said to her.

All the Death Eaters surrounding her dropped their hoods, each face was the same. With their cold grey eyes, twelve Draco Malfoys laughed at her before charging towards her to rip her limb from limb.

Just before they reached her, she would wake with a start. Immediately, she would run to the bathroom sure she would heave, but the nausea would eventually subside. After drinking some water to wet her parched throat, she would go back to bed and try her best to get back to sleep. It was after the first occurrence of this dream that she made a point of not looking at Draco as much as he avoided her.

As the train rocked gently, Ron finally figured this was the time to broach the tender subject of Ginny and her secret admirer. Hermione convinced him that she would tell him when she was good and ready, but Ron was willing to risk her temper to satisfy his curiosity.

"So...who was it?" Ron asked off the cuff.

"What?" Ginny's awareness was brought back to the train compartment they were sharing.

"You're mystery man. Did you ever find out who he was," Ron asked delicately.

"No, he never showed up. Probably chickened out or it was just a cruel joke. Doesn't matter. I just want to put the whole thing behind me and concentrate on studying for my O.W.L.s." Ginny's face was blank, her voice monotonous as if she was hypnotized.

Hermione looked at her, her heart going out to the girl who had come back to the Gryffindor common room in tears from her rendezvous with Draco. They went to Hermione's room so Ginny could talk privately with her. She had recounted the whole conversation in great detail.

After Ginny had finished she just sat there, her body shuddering with racking sobs. Hermione put an arm around her, after a while she spoke.

"He did say that he didn't want to hurt you anymore. He said he enjoyed dancing with you. Hell, he even said that he fell for you," Hermione said.

Ginny started shaking her head violently from side to side. "No, NO, NO! He cares for no one but himself. He's a Malfoy and he'll always hate us Weasleys. This was just a game to him to fill his otherwise bored and pathetic life. I don't care anymore. I just want to forget."

Hermione knew that it was best to just let her sit and be alone with her thoughts. She offered Ginny the chance to sit in her room, so that she wouldn't have to face Ron and her dorm mates' questions as to why she was crying. Ginny whispered her thanks and continued sitting on Hermione's bed. After the door closed, Ginny could feel a fresh wave of tears filling her eyes.

It was past midnight when Ginny emerged from Hermione's room and dragged herself up the stairs to her dorm. Florence and Roxanne were already asleep. She curled into her bed and fell asleep exhausted from crying. That night was the first time her dream of a dozen Death Eater Dracos woke her up.

~_~_~_~_~_~

Draco woke the next morning sprawled out on top of his bed, still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. He thought that someone was shining a blinding light in his eyes before he realized that it was just the light from the small windows along the top of one wall. He tried to move, but then regretted that decision. His head exploded into a million pieces. The sound of his own breath made him wish that he was deaf.

After taking over an hour to get showered, shaved and dressed into some fresh clothes that didn't stink like the back room of the Hog's Head, he headed off to breakfast. He saw Mrs. Norris prowling the halls and wished she would stop stomping about, the noise was hurting his head. He slipped into the Great Hall just in time for breakfast. Draco didn't want to look at the staff table, fearing that someone might have a clue as to why he skipped lunch and dinner yesterday.

Food was the last thing on his mind, but after watching his father the morning after draining a bottle or two, he knew he'd have to force something down. Eggs and bacon, which contained plenty of B complex vitamins and lots of water to flush out the toxins accumulated in his body.

He could have gone straight down to the Potions classroom to brew a batch of hangover recovery solution, but he didn't want to risk coming across Snape and having to explain why he was there.

After breakfast, he figured that he had wallowed in his own pity long enough. He would just have to think, as painful as that was this morning, of a way to make Ginny to realize that he truly cared for her. That he wanted to hold her in his arms and kiss away all the pain he had caused her.

He thought about putting on his cloak and heading off to Hogsmeade to buy her something for Christmas, but couldn't think of anything that would be good enough. Chocolates were cliché and jewellery was a nice thought, but then he imagined the look on her face when she might think he was throwing her family's financial situation in her face. He looked around his room in hope of inspiration.

His eyes fell upon the book Professor Mead had given him. He examined it closely in his hands. It was old, but in excellent condition. The binding was that of a high quality book he might have found in his father's study. Draco sat there and studied the book.

He walked over to his desk and pulled out his quill and ink. Inside the cover on the title page he wrote two words, "Forgive me."

====================

Chapter Eight

"Blue Christmas"

Christmas morning came. Ginny could see that it had snowed overnight and she wondered if had snowed at Hogwarts, too. She thought of Malfoy standing in the snow, his hair just a few shades from matching the white snow that dusted the school grounds. Ginny cursed at herself for letting a stray thought about Malfoy slip into her mind on what was supposed to be a happy day.

At the foot of her bed was a small pile of presents. She brought them up onto the bed so she could open them while under the warmth of her blankets.

A large lumpy package told her that her mum had knitted another lumpy sweater to keep her warm. She hoped her mother had got the hint and used dark blue wool this time. There was the usual tin of treacle fudge and Ron's present of chocolate frogs. Bill had given her a box to keep her most precious keepsakes. The box was inlaid with several different coloured woods and was charmed to keep anyone but her from opening it. Charlie had sent her a collection of dragon scales, each pinned and labelled carefully. It was similar to a display case of butterflies she had seen Dennis Creevey showing around the common room one day. Percy, who was back on speaking terms with the family, sent her a study guide so she would do well on her O.W.L.s.

There was a pair of lapis lazuli earring studs and a pair in malachite from Hermione. Harry has given her a set of dark blue knit gloves and a scarf made of vicuña. It was very soft, so soft that cashmere felt like steel wool in comparison. She would have to give Harry an extra special Christmas kiss for his present.

She remembered the kisses they had shared in this house last summer, but then thought of the electricity that ripped through her body when Draco had kissed her at the ball. She ignored her thoughts and went back to unwrapping presents.

There where only three presents left on her bed. Roxanne and Florence sent her some sugar quills and a box of Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans. Now there were two presents left. One of them she recognized was from Fred and George. The box slightly jiggled as she went to reach for it, then she thought she'd better wait and open it where she could have her mother defuse whatever was inside of it.