Lily Evans: A History

Chapter 42 - To say goodbye to a friend
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Christmas holidays flew past like they never had before. Lily found herself wishing that she didn't have to return to school so soon. She had never known a life without Petunia in the house; but it was all she had ever hoped it would be. Magic could be talked about freely; Lily's friends could come and go through the fireplace whenever they liked, and the owl post didn't cause mass hysteria. To sum it up, this had been the perfect holiday.

Only now it was time to return to school and Lily found she wasn’t really looking forward to it as she always had done before. Perhaps that had been Petunia's influence, but either way Lily now found herself looking forward to the end of the school year, and eagerly awaiting a time when she could be as excited about the summer holiday as the rest of her class mates were.

Lily was thinking about nearly all of this on her last morning at home. At eleven o'clock the Hogwarts Express would pull out of platform nine and three quarters and she would be heading back to school. For some reason June looked closer from this side of Christmas and Lily found herself becoming nervous for the first time over her upcoming O.W.L.s. After all, they were one of the most important tests she would ever take. Every Professor had said so a million or more times.

Idly Lily stirred her cereal around in her bowl. She wasn't really hungry, but her mother was the type that constantly nagged about how a good meal first thing in the morning made you more productive during the day. Noticing that her mother was eyeing her, Lily hastily put a spoonful of cereal in her mouth and chewed without really tasting the food. She wished she had some pumpkin juice to wash it down. "Is Dad going with us to the train station?"

"I'm afraid not," Christine replied, folding the tea towel and laying it near the sink. She offered no more explanation until she turned to see Lily watching her coaxingly. Her mother sighed. "He was up a good portion of the night with his legs. I'm afraid the phantom pains are getting worse. I'll have to call the doctor on Monday."

Lily finished up her breakfast and placed her bowl in the sink. "I'm just going to go finish packing," she told her mother unnecessarily and started up the stairs. She had no more got to the first floor landing when suddenly she heard a crash, following shortly by her mother screaming up the stairs for her. Lily dashed inside her room, grabbed her wand off her bed and ran back down the stairs, jumping the last three. "Mum! What's wrong?"

Standing in the living room was two men who were unmistakably wizards. They wore black ministry robes and wizards’ hats. Both men looked incredibly tired, but smiled at Lily none the less. "Who are you?" Lily demanded at once, holding her wand at her side in case she needed it. Ministry robes or not, in times like these she wanted to see evidence these weren't Death Eaters. She got that evidence soon enough.

The wizard closest to her took his hat off and smiled grimly. Lily gasped. "Frank?"

"Aye, Lily," Frank Longbottom replied, wiping his hand across his forehead. "I'm sorry to have startled you and your family, we got our coordinates a little wrong and seemed to have appeared in your house rather than at the door."

Lily felt her heartbeat finally slow, only to speed back up again when she realized that there had to be something unpleasant to be said for two Ministry officials, one definitely an Auror, she knew, to be standing in her living room. Slowly Lily fell into a chair, putting her wand down. "What's wrong?"

Frank looked at her with sad eyes that knew all too well that she wouldn't take his news well. He had done this three times already this morning, and even more over the past few weeks. Sighing, Frank took a seat across from Lily on the sofa, leaving his companion to stand. Lily stared at him for a moment, trying to see if she knew him, but she didn't. Her eyes darted back to Frank. "Lily, I hate to be the one to tell you this..."

Lily knew that nothing good ever began with those words. She found her hands were gripping the seat arm tightly. Then, without any more warning than she had when Frank had arrived, the fireplace burst to life and Olivia Potter came tumbling out of it. "Oh, Lily!" She was clutching a handkerchief in one hand and her eyes were blood shot. Instantly Lily's mind assumed something had happened to James, Sirius, Remus or Peter.

Her green eyes filled with tears, even though she had yet to know what was happening. Olivia crossed the room and wrapped her arms around Lily just as James and then Sirius came out of the fireplace. Lily's heart was pounding so hard she thought she might faint. "What is going on here?!" she demanded with only a short gush of relief that James and Sirius appeared unhurt. And Sirius looked upset, but not horribly so, so Lily could assume Kassie was not hurt.

"You haven't told her yet?" Olivia demanded. James put his hand on his mother's arm in a calming gesture.

Frank turned to Lily again. "Lily, I need to ask you some questions." He swallowed. "I hate this job," he muttered, taking a piece of parchment from his robe pocket and handing it to the other man with him. His companion took the parchment, got out a self inking quill and stood ready to write. Frank swallowed again. "Lily, you were in the same year as Alexis Wells?"

Lily felt herself stop breathing. The room spun unpleasantly and she gripped the first thing that her hands found; which happened to be James' arm. "What's wrong? Is she hurt? Tell me!"

Lily didn't feel James put his other arm around her shoulders as she was staring at Frank Longbottom, waiting for an answer. The former Gryffindor ran his hand through his hair. "The Wells family was attacked on Christmas Eve." James' hand tightened on Lily's shoulder. "There were no survivors."

There was a scream stuck in Lily's throat, but it wouldn't move one way or the other. For several seconds she gasped for air, but couldn't force it into her lungs. She coughed violently as the room became unfocused and then all went black.

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There were several moments of confusion as Lily regained consciousness. Her head pounded so hard that it felt like a brass band was parading through her skull. She groaned, opening her eyes to a fuzzy black shape that slowly came into focus. "What happened?" Lily asked in a horse whisper, licking her lips.

"You fainted," the person - Kassie? - replied. Lily squinted, blinked and finally decided that yes, it was Kassie sitting next to her. And she was in her own bed. And... and...

Frank Longbottom had come to her home and told her that Alexis was dead. The first thing Lily's mind screamed was NO! But even as she thought she had dreamed it, Kassie's face came into a sharp focus and there were tear stains on her face and her violet eyes were blood shot. Lily felt the scream building up in her throat again, but this time she managed to swallow it. Only when she did, tears burst forth in her eyes, burning like a scalding bath as they coursed down her cheeks. "Kassie, tell me I was dreaming...."

Kassie put one hand over her mouth, tears falling from her eyes again as she shook her head. "I can't," Kassie whispered, her voice muffled by the hand over her mouth. "It's true."

"Who?" Lily demanded. Anger replaced her first bought of sadness. "How?"

Kassie hiccupped, more tears falling down her face. "Death Eaters," she muttered and reached forward and hugged Lily.

Lily sat in Kassie's embrace, staring ahead. The anger, sadness and shock was mixing within her, causing her to want to scream, kick, bite -- to do something to let it out. She was crying so hard that it was difficult to breathe. "DAMN VOLDEMORT!" Lily suddenly screamed, burying her face in her hands while Kassie continued to try and console her. "DAMN HIM TO HELL!"

The door to the bedroom burst open and Christine came in. She looked like she had been crying, but wasn't now. She rushed over to the other side of Lily's bed and her youngest daughter buried her face in her mother's chest. "Why? Why Mum?" Lily cried. "Why did it happen to her? She didn't DO anything!"

Kassie backed up, one hand over her mouth and tears pouring down her face. The sight of Lily's grief tore her newly sealed emotions apart and Kassie felt a new wave of tears hit her. As fast as she could she backed out of the room and into the hall where she pressed up against the wall and buried her face in her hands. Then, suddenly, as if he sensed her feelings, Sirius came rushing down the hall, gathered Kassie in his arms and held her tightly. Kassie's entire body shook with her tears. "Who is going to be next?" she whispered, holding onto Sirius as if her life depended on it. "I'm so scared, Sirius."

"Shh, I know baby, I know," Sirius muttered, rocking her back and forth.

James stood at the end of the hall, not knowing what to do as he watched Sirius try to calm Kassie. He knew what he wanted to do; He wanted to go to Lily. But she had her mother in there with her. Slowly he went down the stairs and back into the living room. Daniel was talking quietly with Frank Longbottom and Maurice Pennington about the arrangements for them since the Hogwarts Express had left an hour earlier. James silently went to the fireplace, threw in a pinch of floo powder and stepped in. "Potter Manor!"

Several seconds later James found himself in his own home, one of the house elves peering at him from where he was cleaning the kitchen table. James stepped out of the fireplace and went straight to his living room. Remus was exactly where Olivia said he was; sitting on the sofa, staring straight ahead. He didn't blink, he didn't even look like he was breathing. James sat beside him and ran his hands over his face roughly. Remus didn't move to indicate that he knew he was no longer alone. James turned to look at him. "You all right?"

Remus continued to stare straight ahead, even though his lips moved; "I should have been there."

James shook his head, running his hand through his hair. "It wouldn't have helped."

"It might have," Remus said, his voice still monotone; detached. He didn't blink and the thought was making James' own eyes hurt. "I could have heard, given them time... She asked me to come. Over and over again."

James put a hand on Remus' shoulder. "It wasn't your fault, mate."

Suddenly Remus moved and it startled James so bad that he jumped. The werewolf spun around, his eyes wide and wild. He looked like he and the wolf had become one. The pain of both was spilling out of the stare that was directed at James. "I could have protected her, damn it! I could have done something; anything! If only I had listened when she asked me to come. She would still be here!"

Remus' eyes were wide and dry. James had prepared himself when Olivia told him Remus was at the house. He had imagined Remus to be crying; showing grief over his girlfriend's unexpected death. But Remus was doing neither. Instead the blind hatred and self loathing that Remus was dealing with was something James didn't know how to handle. He couldn't understand it.

Remus' outburst didn't last long. His heartbeat calming, he turned back around and stared at the wall again, lost in his own thoughts. After a few minutes James decided that he wasn't going to talk, so he got up. Walking through the empty halls of Potter Manor only gave James time to think. And his thoughts were not happy ones. He kept seeing Alexis sitting at Remus' bedside, laughing at the Three Broomsticks the day in Hogsmeade when Remus had finally gathered up the courage to ask her out, how she had made him promise to have Remus over for Christmas, so he wouldn't be alone.

James wandered into his dad's study and found his father sitting at his desk, pouring over a roll of parchment. He looked up when James entered and James started slightly. "Oh, sorry. I didn't realise you were home."

Harold Potter shook his head and allowed the parchment to spring back into a roll. "It's fine. Actually I was hoping to talk to you."

"Oh? About what?" James asked, coming further into the room and sitting in one of the leather armchairs in front of his father's desk.

Harold folded his hands together and surveyed his only son through square framed glasses. "I was just informed that the Knight Bus will be picking all of you up in a few hours to take you to Hogwarts."

"I thought we'd be going by Floo powder," James remarked, shrugging.

Harold took his glasses off, rubbed his eyes tiredly and put them back on. "No, the school's been disconnected from the system."

James knew there was more behind this. For the school to suddenly cut all ties to the outside world meant something had happened. James shifted his weight in his seat, sat further up and looked straight in his father's hazel eyes. "Why?"

"James, I--"

"No, Dad, I'm old enough. I know you and Mum both are in the Order of the Phoenix. I also know that Sebastian Wells was. What's happened?"

As James demanded this information from his father, he suddenly realised how old his father looked. Not that he was in years; but it seemed that the course of events in the wizarding world was affecting the Ministry more than they were letting on. Harold Potter looked scared about something. James could sense it. He didn't know how he could, but he could. He stared at his father, waiting. Harold rearranged some quills on his desk before finally answering: "The Wells family was killed as a warning to the Ministry. Sebastian led a group of Aurors and Hit Wizards on a raid the week before Christmas. Several Death Eaters were brought in and a few were killed. Minister Bagnold also received word that Voldemort plans to attack Hogwarts. Professor Dumbledore assured the Ministry that if Voldemort came to Hogwarts he would personally see himself responsible for every child on the grounds."

"We've been through this before," James said, shrugging. "Dumbledore can protect the school and Voldemort knows it. But to kill a family as a warning..."

Harold looked James straight in the eyes. "Things are about to get a lot worse, son. A lot worse."

James had heard this several times in the past few years. But something about the look in his father's eyes said that there was more to this story; something that Harold wasn't going to say. And whatever it was, it was making his father's eyes -- his father that usually had a positive out look on everything -- seem haunted, and that scared James more than anything else had in his life.

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Four Aurors accompanied James, Sirius, Remus, Peter, Lily and Kassie back to Hogwarts on the Knight Bus. There were no other passengers aboard and they arrived at Hogwarts shortly after leaving Little Whinging. Frank and Maurice wanted to have the children board from Lily's muggle home because it was less likely to be watched by Death Eaters than a magical home such as Potter Manor.

Lily had unconsciously found herself watching Remus the entire trip. He hadn't said a word to anyone, and barely even looked when someone did talk to him. She knew that beneath the silent shell, Remus was probably screaming. Her heart hurt more for him than anything else. James had told her what Remus was going through; that he blamed himself. James couldn't understand it, but Lily could. She could see how Remus would automatically bring the fault to rest with him. It was something he unknowingly did about a lot of things.

The feast was well under way when they arrived; but with a silent agreement the six Gryffindors by-passed the Great Hall doors and headed towards their common room where they were met by Professor McGonagall.

Lily was surprised to see their Head of House in their common room; she almost never came in. But what shocked her more was the Professor's blood shot eyes. As soon as they arrived she stood up and approached them all. "I'm very sorry," she said quietly, her voice strangely thick. "I've already spoken with Gabrielle and Kathleen. The funeral will be held on Tuesday. Any of you who want to attend will be excused from classes and allowed to go. I--" McGonagall wiped at her nose with a handkerchief she held tightly in her right hand. "Professor Dumbledore has informed the school. Please," she added, looking at Kassie and Sirius a little longer than the others, "no matter what you hear, please don't get in any fights."

Lily felt her chest contract; she hadn't thought about what certain Slytherins would have to say about what had happened. McGonagall looked at each of them in turn, the silence making her meaning clear. "I'm looking to the Prefects to keep as much peace as possible." With those parting words Professor McGonagall headed out of the Gryffindor common room, sniffling a little as she went.

Lily sighed and headed up the stairs, dragging her trunk behind her. James pointed his wand at her trunk and muttered an incantation that made the trunk feather light. Lily smiled gratefully at him, bade them all goodnight and headed up to her room. Only when she got to the door, she found she couldn't open it. Beyond that wooden door would be six beds; only one would forever be empty. Minutes later, after Kassie had said goodnight to Sirius, she came up behind Lily and stared at the door.

"I don't think I can do this," Lily whispered, feeling tears prickling behind her eyes. "All of her stuff is still there. It's like I expect to open this door and see her sitting in the middle of her bed, looking at a magazine."

Kassie sighed, knawing on her bottom lip. "Lily, we have to. Come on." Slowly the black haired witch reached in front of Lily and turned the knob. The door creaked open.

Gabrielle and Kathleen was sitting on Kathleen's bed talking softly. Both looked up with blood shot eyes when the door opened. Gabrielle shot up, ran over and hugged Lily and Kassie. "Oh, I just can't believe this," she cried, wiping at her face. "Do you need help? Here, let me get your trunk," she offered, taking the handle from Lily.

Lily walked in slowly, trying hard not to seem like she was staring at Alexis' bed. She dragged her gaze across the room and it landed on Kathleen. "Where's Madison?"

Gabrielle dropped Lily's trunk at the foot of her bed. "Her parents won't let her come back."

"What?!" Kassie gasped, dropping her trunk and putting down Morgana's cage that she had been carrying. She let Bast out, still staring at Gabrielle and Kathleen, who were nodding sadly.

"Her parents are muggles," Kathleen said, as if that explained it all. "When they found out that.... well," she sniffled, "they said she couldn't come back. She wrote to us and said to tell you two that she's very sorry. She hopes to talk to her parents and make them see reason. I think Professor McGonagall or Professor Dumbledore may be planning to speak with her parents. But right now they are very scared."

"My Mum was upset, but nothing so serious as saying I couldn't return to school," Lily said, sitting down roughly on her bed.

"Well, your parents probably understand the wizarding world a little more than most because of the Potters," Kassie pointed out logically. "I bet if it wasn't for your family being friends with James' that your Mum and Dad might have taken it a little differently. And Madison said her father wasn't keen on the idea of her being a witch anyway. This was probably the perfect reason for him to make her stay at home."

The four girls lapsed into silence. Lily tried her best not to look at the four poster bed across the room. Some of Alexis' belongings were still sitting on the bedside table. Sighing, Lily got up and dressed for bed. Right now she just wanted to sleep and forget everything.

But sleep wouldn't come as easy as she had hoped. And even worse were the nightmares that haunted her when she finally did sleep. She dreamt that she was in dark woods, running from something. She didn't know what it was, but if he grew close enough there were red, snake like eyes visible through the trees. She ran harder. The air was bitterly cold against her cheeks and the forest grew thicker and harder to run through the further she went. Then, just when she could feel whatever it was gaining on her again, a huge white and tan stag erupted from the darkness. With its head down it charged past Lily and into the dark abyss beyond. There were several loud crashes, a squeal and then nothing. Lily watched the darkness fearfully until finally the stag emerged and approached her.

Its large amber eyes stared at her with an emotion she couldn't put her finger on. Gently it lowered its head until Lily could reach out and touch it's silky mane. Lily stared into its eyes, her heart calming as he nudged her cheek gently.

"Lily!"

Lily's eyes snapped open, or, she thought they did. But when she looked around, she was still in the forest. Only the stag was gone. She spun around, looking for it. Behind her was a clearing she hadn't noticed before. Slowly she walked away from the trees and towards the field. Sitting in the middle of it was a two story cottage. As Lily approached it she heard her named called again, only this time it was followed by a grunt of pain. "Hurry Lily! Go! Run!"

Lily didn't know weather to keep approaching, or do as the voice instructed and run. She fumbled for her wand, but it wasn't anywhere on her person. The fact that she was unarmed scared her, but she headed forward anyway. Just then the backdoor to the cottage opened and a woman with a black cloak came running out, holding a bundle in her arms. She ran straight at Lily, stopped and offered her the bundle. Lily felt her heart beat pick up to a furious rate. There was a small baby; barely newborn from the looks of it. Green eyes; her eyes, was staring out of him. "I--"

"Here, take him, I've got to go help--"

"No Lily," another voice, a male voice, said. Lily spun around to see a man standing behind her, his face hidden in the shadows. "You can't go back in there. I'll go; get out of here."

"But-!!"

"GO!"

Lily watched in a horrified trance as the woman in front of her cradled the baby in her arms, covered him with her cloak and took off at a dead run straight into the forest. The man who had been talking to her pulled a wand and headed into the house. Lily went to follow; to find out who he was, if she knew him, and who else was in the house. It might be the black haired man. She had to know; to find out who he was. If there was any truth in these visions she had to know who it was happening to. Who she had a child with....

"Lily, wake up," Kassie demanded, nudging Lily. "Lily?"

Lily opened her eyes and this time she could see the top of her four poster bed. She looked over at her best friend. "Did you have to do that?"

"Yes," Kassie replied, looking a little upset. "You looked like you were having a bad dream. I thought I was doing you a favour."

Lily sat up, rubbing her eyes and looked at the clock. Three am. She sighed. "I was at first, but then..." Lily rubbed her eyes. "I'll tell you about it later, I doubt I'll forget it anytime soon."

Kassie watched her for a minute as if to argue, shrugged and crawled back in her own bed. "Goodnight," she muttered and within several seconds her soft, steady breathing filled the air. Lily tossed and turned for nearly an hour or more, but unlike Kassie, who went straight back to sleep, she couldn't. Her thoughts kept running back between her dream, Alexis and her dream again. Sighing, she got up and quietly put her slippers and dressing gown on. Kassie, Gabrielle and Kathleen slept on, oblivious, as Lily slipped out the door and downstairs.

Since the clock had just chimed the four o'clock hour, Lily hardly expected to find someone else in the common room. However when she came around to the fireplace she found Remus sitting and staring at the empty hearth. Lily pointed her wand at the fireplace and a fire jumped to life obediently. On the sofa Remus flinched and looked up at Lily as if he had no idea who she was. "Sorry," she muttered. "I didn't mean to startle you."

Remus didn't reply. He turned his head and looked at the flames in the fireplace. Lily sat beside him. "Could you not sleep?"

No reply. Remus didn't even move to acknowledge that Lily had spoke. After a few minutes Lily tried again. "Remus, are you going to be all right?"

Remus slowly moved his head so that he was facing Lily. His hazel eyes were blood shot, but dry. Lily felt her heart break. He looked like he was in more pain that she had ever seen a person show. Slowly she moved her hand over and placed it on his. "Remus, I can understand how you could easily blame yourself. But it's not your fault. It's Voldemort's. Hate him. It's his fault."

Remus blinked slowly several times. For days everyone had been telling him no one could have stopped this. But, the blame had to belong somewhere, and yet only one person had put a name to it. Only one person could make it all make sense in Remus' overwrought mind. Without him realising it Lily had moved closer and wrapped one arm around his shoulder. And for the first time since Frank Longbottom had shown up at his door, Remus felt the burning of tears behind his eyes. For the first time he allowed himself to feel hurt rather than self loathing. And in doing so his face crumbled and tears burned down his face. Lily bit her lip, holding Remus while he cried. "Why?" he mumbled into his hands. "Why does everyone I care about die?"

"It's not because of you," Lily said sternly before Remus could even suggest it. "None of this is your fault. You have to know that." Her eyes turned cold as she instinctually rocked him back and forth like a mother would a child. "It's Voldemort. And he will pay. Somehow, someway, he will."

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Lily pulled the cloak hood over her head and ran out from under the cover of the roof overhang at the Three Broomsticks and onto the Knight Bus. Once she had taken her seat she shook off some of the rain and pushed the hood off. It was perfect weather for the occasion. The dark bruised and angry clouds poured heavy rainfall over the Earth; and each drop mirrored Lily's feelings perfectly. She stared out the window, lost in her own thoughts as the bus surged forward. They made no additional stops, so it was within several minutes that the elderly attendant announced that they had arrived at the church. Silently Lily replaced the hood on her head and followed Professor McGonagall and several other students off the bus and into the service hall. At the end of a long aisle sat three caskets. Lily felt a shiver run up her spine. In front of her Kassie reached for Sirius' hand and the comfort she could draw from it.

But Lily felt no comfort; there was no one to hold her hand, to fight off the demons that seemed to encircle her. Lily had never known how badly she wanted and needed someone to be with her until this moment. In the crowded room full of mourners, Lily had never felt more alone. Another shiver ran up her spine, making the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. She hugged herself tightly and took a seat between Kassie and James.

The service was nice. Several people spoke about the Wells family; of Alexis. But Lily couldn't properly focus her attention on anything but the open casket of Alexis. The brunette looked like an angel; an angel that was merely asleep. Any second Lily expected her to open her eyes and ask what this was all about. But she never did. Lily closed her eyes, but the image stayed before her. Only it wasn't Alexis in it; it was James, or Kassie, Sirius, Remus, and then herself. The room temperature seemed to drop even lower. The monotonous voice of the man speaking drilled into Lily's mind; but not as words. Instead it was one long sound, a mournful sound. Lily blinked and realised for the first time she was crying. She blinked again and more and more of the room came into sharp focus. Remus was sitting on the other side of James, staring straight ahead, tears falling from his eyes that he either didn't realise were there, or didn't care. Sirius had his arm around Kassie, who was dabbing at her eyes every now and then to stop the onset of tears. Lily hadn't known how much she expected Alexis to be in her every day life at Hogwarts until she was no longer there. And that's when the pain hit the worst. When she got up and looked at an empty bed. When she sat in class and noticed for the first time that Alexis wasn't there. It was a reality check that Lily had never wanted to face.

The burial was taking place the same day. As they left the church, everyone pulled their cloaks up around them to ward off the bitter cold wind of January. The rain was turning thicker around them until a mix of snow and rain was hitting their faces and hands. Lily kept in line with the other Gryffindors as they stood by the caskets that were being prayed over.

"...I walk through the valley of the shadow of death..."

Lily blocked out the words, her heart hammering as the casket bearing Alexis' body was lowered into the ground. This is the first, a cold voice said to her, the first of many funerals you will attend. All of your friends will lie in the cold Earth like Alexis. Soon all will be gone...

Lily felt her knees buckle. She fully expected to hit the ground when suddenly a strong pair of arms caught her. She blinked, confused as she looked up into a set of worried brown eyes. The chill, despite the sleet hitting her face and stinging, seem to leave her, if only for a moment. Discreetly, so not to draw attention away from the service, James lifted Lily up and held her close to his side. Both his arms wrapped around her; his scent filled her nostrils and it was intoxicating. She felt high; high on life, or high on the wave of emotions that the simple feel of his arms around her caused. The ceremony concluded, the caskets were lowered and the people started to drift away from the site.

"Are you all right?" James asked Lily, his mouth very close to her face. His warm breath felt like a flame near her face. She wanted to turn her face up to his; kiss his lips. But she restrained herself.

"I think so," she replied. "I think the cold got to me."

"You're pale, can you walk?"

"I-- Yes."

"What's wrong?" another voice asked: Sirius. Kassie offered to help escort Lily away, but James shook his head.

Suddenly Lily felt very foolish. She was stronger than whatever was trying to take hold of her. She was Lily Evans; daughter of Daniel and Christine Evans. She had faced worse than this by facing her sister. Feeling silly she forced her weight onto her legs, paused for only half a second to regain her balance and took a step forward. "I'm fine, really," she insisted, trying to push away from James.

Only he wouldn't let her go. He kept one arm around her as the four of them made their way back towards the building. Professor McGonagall was talking quietly with Remus and when they approached she stopped talking. "Evans, are you well? You're very pale."

"Just cold," Lily replied automatically. James rubbed his hand up and down her arm.

Professor McGonagall pursed her lips together as she studied Lily and finally turned away. "I'll signal for the Knight Bus. We'll be back at Hogwarts shortly."

Kathleen and Gabrielle stood not far from them, talking to a shorter girl that Lily couldn't recognise because of the cloak she was wearing. Kassie noticed where she was looking and squinted in the same direction. "I don't believe it..." she whispered and walked away. Sirius followed her and James, Lily and Remus decided to go as well.

When they approached the girl looked up and Lily felt her breath catch. "Madison!"

"Lily!" The blonde rushed up to Lily and Kassie, hugged them both and then, to the surprise of everyone, hugged Remus, as well. "Oh, how are you all? I thought I wouldn't get to come today. Or back to school, for that matter. But Professor Dumbledore came and talked to my parents."

"So you're coming back?" Sirius asked.

Madison nodded. "That's wonderful," Lily said, smiling for the first time in days. She couldn't help but notice that James still had his arm around her, but she didn't say anything. It felt nice; protective.

They talked about the service for a few minutes until Professor McGonagall told them the bus was ready. When they finally got settled, James put his arm back around Lily. She smiled at him and turned to say something to Kassie. The black haired witch smiled knowingly and winked. Lily rolled her eyes, but she couldn't help the warmth that seemed to explode in the pit of her stomach.

They arrived back at the school just as dinner was being served in the Great Hall. But Lily didn't feel like eating. Everyone else went upstairs, changed out of their dress robes and went back down, but Lily stayed in her room. Kassie tried to convince her to join them, but she refused. Finally Kassie shrugged. "Suit yourself. Want me to bring you anything?"

"I'm fine," Lily assured her. As soon as Kassie was gone, Lily pulled out a clean roll of parchment, a quill and ink. For several minutes she stared at the parchment, thinking. Finally she dipped her quill in the ink and put it to paper.

Dear James,

I wanted to thank you for today. I really appreciate you being there for me and helping me through the service. It was nice to know you were beside me, nice to have you hold me.
I know this sounds mad, but for a minute I thought that maybe you were being more than a friend. But I could understand if I was just imaging it.
In case I'm right, though, it would be ok. Actually, this is very weird for me, because I'm not sure about the feelings I have for you. I know they are stronger than a friend should have. If you ever wanted to be more than friends, I think I'd like it a lot.

Lily looked at the letter, felt herself blush and crumbled the parchment up in her hand. "You, Lily, are mental," she told herself firmly. No matter what she thought about it, though, Lily couldn't bring herself to throw away the letter. It was the first time she had put her feelings into words; even though the words made little sense. Finally she settled on putting it in her bedside cabinet. For a long time Lily stared at the drawer as if she half expected the letter to come out and find James. When it didn't, Lily dressed for bed, said a small prayer for Alexis and drifted off to sleep, remembering what it felt like to be held by James. She had no visions that night.

--End Chapter 42.