Hogwarts' Original Pranksters' Fantastic First Year

Hogwarts Original Pranksters' Fantastic First Year

Chapter 5: Toilets and Tribulations

The Three Thousand, Two Hundreds and One Tricks of all Kinds provided them with a huge help in order to improve their 'style' of pranks. Mundungus Fletcher never asked it back -- he must have learnt it by heart by then. He just watched things from a distance, with a smile playing on the corner of his lips, without forgetting his own pranks however.

Sirius still couldn't stomach his sister being 'chatted up'. During meals, he would look at Mundungus, then at Vega, then back at Mundungus, almost afraid of catching a knowing wink, or an infatuated look -- but Vega didn't seem to pay any attention to her brother's hero. Sirius eventually asked Lily whether she did talk to Vega, as Fletcher asked her to.

"You know, Sirius," she'd answered with a chuckle, "Mundungus's fighting a losing battle and he knows that. Seems he's been hanging around her for three years now, and she's been ignoring him for three years. So quit worrying like that, will you? Now if you want fresh gossip, go around Lisa and the Scott twins. Get it?"

By dint of having his eyes linger about everywhere, Sirius noticed that Mundungus wasn't the only one mooning after Vega. A tall, blond, grey-eyed guy from Hufflepuff, whom the girls admired because of his swaggering, assured, and somewhat boastful air, had apparently set his heart on the black-haired girl. Amos Diggory was a seventh-year, and had ignored her superbly till then; but now she was in her fifth year, she'd suddenly became worthy of interest, and he made such a fuss around her that Hufflepuff seventh-year girls were jealous. Even if he would become downright annoying sometimes, Vega let him keep his delusions, just putting him in his place in a kind sort of way when he was really too annoying. Despite her stern exterior, she was way too softhearted to make anyone feel bad knowingly, even a pain in the neck like Amos.

Apart from these little 'family problems', Sirius didn't seem to have any trouble in life. James vaguely admired his watertight optimism always tinged with sarcasm. Sirius would remain stonily indifferent even at Walsh's -- whom he had nicknamed 'the Iron Lady' -- acid comments. In Transfiguration class, he made sheep's eyes at Minerva McGonagall from his four foot seven inch height. The young woman would frown sternly, but smile as soon as her back was turned at this eleven-year-old kid's fantastic cheek, pretending to ignore that he called her 'Lady Minerva', half in jest and half out of respect.

James himself had never been so happy in life. For the first time, he had genuine friends, who hadn't dropped him when he had needed them, even if their little nocturnal adventure didn't turn out to be so dangerous -- Curly the gigantic dog was no ferocious beast despite his formidable appearance.

As for his parents, he missed them much less than he had feared. On the first nights, his mum not kissing him goodnight felt weird, but nothing more. He didn't miss his father -- William Potter was so often absent from his home for his work that James found almost natural his not being there. He wasn't a wicked man, but his love of his job added to a coldness of manners, and a permanent, rigid self-control didn't encourage any sentimentality. Never had James called his father 'Dad', and Mr Potter seldom embraced his son. This state of things was sad, but had remained unchanged for so long that the whole house was used to it.

That's why James loved Hogwarts so much -- the atmosphere of constant weirdness and soft madness that reigned there was so different from what he'd known till then! Back at home, he felt locked up, especially the rare times his father was there; at Hogwarts, with his friends at his sides, he felt really free.

For even if the castle was and remained a closed-in place, the four boys sneaked into each nook and corner, everywhere they could. By the middle of October, they had spotted several secret passages which Adams and Mundungus Fletcher didn't seem to be aware of. Other Gryffindor first-years started to admire them, even envy them a little. Lily got her part of glory, since she was the only girl who was part of their little gang, even just sometimes. Nicknames such as 'the fantastic' or 'famous four' were already spreading among first-years; however, among the adults, the term 'fiendish foursome' was used more frequently, especially by Adams. He was the only one the four friends were sure to run into whenever they ventured anywhere that was dark, weird, or eerie. It seemed he was everywhere. James, Remus and Sirius were not afraid of him, but Peter was downright terrified.

Since the Three Thousand, Two Hundreds and One Tricks of all Kinds, the North Tower and Curly episode, James, Sirius and Remus had gained Peter's boundless admiration. Overcoming his fear, he would hang around them more and more, helping with every trick and every prank. The growing fame the gang was starting to gain gave him a little self-confidence, and he even started to take initiatives sometimes. Echoes of that must have gone round Slytherin as well, for Severus Snape didn't bully Peter as much as before.

Snape actually kept it down since our four pranksters had chosen him for a target. One day it was his robes suddenly changing colours, the next day, his hair stood on end by itself, another day again -- in Potions class -- the contents of his cauldron flew up to form the outline of a snake, a lizard or another cold-blooded beast ... Then there was his pointed hat, which would sometimes pulled over his eyes. Whatever Snape tried, the hat would not let itself be taken off for some reason. This was one of James's favourites.

Snape tried to put up a good show in front of his fellow Slytherins, but on the quiet he was fuming -- especially since he was starting to be laughed at openly. Only his little gang remained faithful, along with a Slytherin first-year, a girl with a square jaw and dog-like wet eyes named Penny Mordacian, who had a crush on him. However, by dint of chewing over his dark mood and his rancour, one day he came up with a little idea.

It was a fortnight before Hallowe'en, a while after the beginning of a Potions class. The preparation they were brewing that day was a Bearding Beverage -- a potion which was supposed to make a beard grow on the drinker's chin. Sirius and James had already finished theirs. Remus and Lily were still battling over the last ingredients. Peter, who had been paired with William Wilson, was scratching his head with a puzzled look on his face, while William wondered where the heck their piece of salamander skin which was still on the table one second before could've gone.

As for Snape, he had finished his potion. Professor Walsh walked past him and Thomas Avery to test it on the latter; a three days' stubble grew on Avery's chin -- the boy was delighted. After giving him the antidote and awarding Slytherin one point, Wash turned to two other partners.

"Wait, Remus," Lily said with a frown. "Normally, if I remember well, we're supposed to put the camel hairs before the salamander skin. And then we add llama saliva."

"Are you sure that llama saliva isn't to be added before camel hair?"

"Yeah ... well, no, not quite."

"Look, we can ask James and Sirius since they've already finished -- seems it worked, doesn't it?"

"You're right. Oy, guys!"

James and Sirius turned round.

"Hm?" Sirius said.

"Oh God," Lily chuckled as she stared at him. "Sirius -- you do look like an escaped convict with that thing over your chin. It doesn't suit you at all."

"Gee, thanks", Sirius said in an offended tone. James started to laugh softly to himself.

"We're waiting for Walsh to give us the antidote," he said, while Remus hid his smile behind his hand. "How're you doing?"

"Er ... we've got a llama hairs and camel saliva problem. Or maybe I'm mixing up --"

"Uh? You're definitely mixing up, girl."

While Remus and Lily asked James and Sirius, Peter felt himself more and more at sea. Seeing that Walsh wasn't looking, William had dived under the table, in quest for the lost piece of salamander skin, and Peter himself had raised each book, each flask, each receptacle several times to see if the piece of skin wasn't there. Peter gave a sigh and thought with a shudder of Walsh who wouldn't be long spotting it, as usual. He feared that she would seize the occasion to bully a student in front of the whole class. That wouldn't be the first time.

Suddenly, without any apparent reason, there was a huge splash! -- as if someone had thrown an invisible stone in his cauldron. Peter found himself covered with brownish liquid, while everybody dived under the tables. William gave such a jump he bumped his head under his table.

When things came back to a relative calm, Walsh strode toward Peter, with her eyes glittering, "Pettigrew, I should have known that a disaster was about to happen with your cauldron. It will cost Gryffindor ten points. When did it happen last time? A week ago, wasn't it?"

James, Sirius, Remus and Lily slowly emerged from under their table. Peter, his head hanging low and his chin trembling, looked for a tissue in order to wipe the potion from his face.

"What have you done this time? What did you add to your Beverage to make it explode like that?"

"But ...' Peter moaned as he wiped his eyes from the brownish liquid that half blinded him, "b ... but I ... I ..."

"What, Pettigrew?" Walsh said in her icy voice. 'Do you have something to say? I'm listening, now speak!"

Peter, on the brick of tears, didn't manage to utter a word. James stood up and cut in, "Professor, he's covered with potion -- he should go and see Madam Pomfrey ..."

"Don't worry about him, Potter," Walsh said in her grating voice, turning her small, piercing eyes to the black-haired boy. "The Bearding Beverage, as its name says so, is a beverage -- it does not affect skin. Pettigrew only has to be taught this lesson, so he won't act thoughtlessly again."

Lily looked at Snape; his black eyes were glowing, and he'd never looked so glad, nor so despicable. She glared daggers at him, then glanced at Peter. His chubby chin was trembling more than ever.

"But Professor," Remus said, standing up in turn, "even if it's not dangerous, he should go and wash his face. The liquid's going to dry, and it's unpleasant enough, don't you think?"

"Not to mention it's cruel humiliating someone like that," Sirius added, his clear eyes sparkling. "And Peter didn't do anything. It's that slimy git" -- he pointed Snape -- "who's done I dunno what."

"I don't think I asked you your opinion, Lupin," Walsh said coldly. "As for you, Black, having three hairs on your chin doesn't allow you to speak to me that way. Your disrespectful attitude and unwarranted accusation will cost Gryffindor five other points. Now sit down, the three of you."

Without paying any attention to Sirius, whose clear eyes were now blazing, she turned to Peter. He was standing with his head hanging so low that they could only see his mousy hair dripping with brown liquid, and his shoulders shaking softly.

"Well, Pettigrew," said Walsh in her low, cold voice. "I think you've lost your house enough points, haven't you? Go to the nearest bathroom -- first corridor on the left -- and wash your face. I expect you back here before the end of class, is that clear?"

Peter walked across the room slowly, almost stumbling but with his head raised. Everybody could now see the tears forming in his eyes. Nobody let out a word for a moment -- not even the Slytherins. Then the classroom door was shut and Walsh cast her gleaming eyes on the students, "All right. Who's finished his or her Beverage?"

* * *

When he had shut the door, Peter ran to the bathroom. He pushed the heavy oak door open, shut himself up in a cubicle, and collapsed on the floor, shaking with sobs. Snape throwing something in his cauldron, that wasn't rare. Finding himself covered with a brownish liquid -- okay, he could survive. As for getting a ticking-off the Walsh way, he had grown more or less used to it. But the three put together, added, plus the injustice, the humiliation, and the loss of fifteen points from Gryffindor were enough to crush Peter.

When tears subsided, Peter got back on his feet and went to the nearest sink to wash his face. He wiped off the tracks of tears and the brownish marks, and spent a long moment staring down at the old cracked sink, wondering why he had to go back to class and face the sniggers and the Slytherins' sniggers and sneers. Then voices echoed in his mind --

"... he should go and see Madam Pomfrey ..."

"... it's unpleasant enough, don't you think?"

"... not to mention it's cruel humiliating someone like that. And Peter didn't do anything."

James, Remus and Sirius had defended him. They'd stood up and faced Walsh for him. They were strong and brave. They did not fear Walsh or Adams, or some ferocious yellow beast that dart out on them without warning. They were his friends -- they wouldn't drop him.

His bravery found again -- partly -- Peter raised his head, cast a steady look at his reflection in the dirty mirror, and walked to the door. He put his hand on the handle, pulled it ...

The door didn't open.

It took Peter few seconds to notice that the door wasn't locked up from inside, or even outside -- it just wouldn't open. Peter could even hear it humming in a low voice.

Feeling his calm and assurance running away, Peter pulled the handle as hard as he could. He pulled, pulled and pulled again, but without any result.

"Oh no," he whispered.

"No!"

He started to pound frantically on the door with his fist as he called out as loud as he could, "Help! Somebody, anybody! I'm locked in here, help!"

He kept shouting himself hoarse, but nobody answered him.

* * *

In the meantime, in the Potions classroom, Walsh seemed to have forgotten the incident. Sirius had lost his stubble and was now chatting with James in a low voice. Remus and Lily eventually their experiment, and were now copying off the board in silence. William Wilson was sitting alone at his table, his head a little bent and rather shamefaced.

Half an hour, then three quarters of an hour passed, and Peter wasn't back yet. Some Gryffindors were even starting to worry.

"Where's little Peter gone?" Fleur Delaney whispered to Lisa Dodger. "Walsh told him to come back at once."

"Maybe he's stayed in the bathroom to cry," said Lisa. "Did you see his face when he walked out? Poor thing."

At the end of the class, Walsh took another point from Gryffindor because of Peter's absence -- he hadn't come back at all. Most of the concerned students sulked -- it was many points lost in a short time -- but four of them were seriously worried.

James, Sirius, Remus and Lily ran to the bathroom door as soon as they could get out of the classroom, after gathering Peter's books and stuffing them into his bag.

"Peter!" Lily called as they reached the thick, heavy oak door. "Peter? Are you in there?"

No answer came from behind the door. Remus tried to open it, but failed.

"Peter, did you lock the door? Open up, it's us!"

Still nothing. James looked hard at the door; he finally stood up and said, "Maybe this sounds weird, but this door isn't locked from inside nor outside."

"So it's locked itself up, hasn't it?" Sirius said in jest. "It must be blocked, that's all. Peter must've found the door locked, went elsewhere, and got lost. We'll find him, he's got to be somewhere."

"And what about the Transfiguration class we've got now?" Remus asked, raising his eyebrows.

"We'll explain it all to McGonagall once we've found him," James retorted. "I'm in her good books because I listen in her classes. If you want I'll speak."

"Everybody knows that Jamsie here is dear Lady Minerva's pet," Sirius added with a friendly mocking smile. "C'mon, we're off."

The three boys turned on their heels; Lily stared at the door dubiously for a while, then followed them.

They walked up a few floors, calling for their pal; near the Charms classroom, they met Vega who was going to the Herbology greenhouses along with the other fifth-year Gryffindors.

"Oy sis," Sirius called out as soon as he saw her. "Seen Peter, by any chance?"

"Peter? Nope. Why, did he get lost?"

"Well, actually he went out to the bathroom, but the one in the dungeons has its door blocked, so we think he must've looked for another and got lost."

Vega stopped dead, and peered worriedly at the four friends, "You were in Potions, weren't you?"

"ER ... yes," said Lily.

"And Peter went to the bathroom in the basement, did he?"

"We think so," Remus cut in, "but he surely couldn't go in since the door's locked up ..."

Vega still looked as worried.

"Look, I know that toilet -- the boys' down in the dungeon. Dan wanted to go in there one day, back in our second year. The door let him in, but not out."

"D'you mean that --"

"That door's blocked only when someone's inside," she went on, her voice slightly higher. "It's, let's say -- it likes to play. It's always the same with that door, and it can go on a long time. That means someone's locked in there. Did you knock?"

"Yeah, we even called out, but no one answered."

Vega looked around, then turned on her heels with a resolute look on her face.

"Wait, Vega! Where're you going?"

"To see McGonagall and tell her the whole thing. She'll know what to do. Now go back down there, and call again."

While Vega ran to the Transfiguration classroom, James, Remus, Sirius, and Lily rushed down the stairs leading to the dungeons. When they reached the door, they stopped for a while to collect their breath again.

"D'you -- d'you think Peter's in there?" Lily asked, in a slightly breathless voice.

"We'll quickly know that, won't we?"

James came near the door and banged his fists on it as he called again, louder this time, "Oy! Is there anyone in there? Peter, 'that you?"

"Are you sure there is someone in there?" Sirius whispered to Lily. Remus, who'd been pricking up his ears, said "Shh!" and signed for them to approach.

Half of a second of a complete silence passed, then the foursome could clearly hear a small, weak voice whispering from behind the door, "Help ... p -- please, help ..."

"It's Peter!" Lily cried. She looked rather pale.

"Hold on, mate, we're going to get you out of here in no time," Remus said reassuringly. He really wanted to believe it.

But soon they heard footsteps down the stairs and the corridor, and McGonagall turned up, closely followed by Vega.

"What's happening here? Miss Black told me someone was locked in there --"

"It's Peter Pettigrew, Professor," James said, turning to her. "The door's been refusing to let him out for an hour."

"An hour?" said McGonagall, raising her eyebrows.

"His cauldron exploded at the beginning of Potions class, and W -- Professor Walsh sent him there for a cat-lick. He's still in there," Remus insisted in a urgent tone.

Professor McGonagall took her wand and walked to the door.

"Open yourself, please."

The door did not open.

"I said: open yourself, please," Professor McGonagall repeated quite calmly. She repeated it a few times, but with no result; then she rolled up the sleeves of her robes, raised her wand and said to the students over her shoulder, "Right then. There are times where the polite way doesn't work, and magic is necessary. Now stand aside, please."

She pointed her wand and said, "Alohomora!" The door opened with a creaking, almost reluctantly; McGonagall stepped in. The five students could hear her give a muffled exclamation; when she came back out, she was carrying Peter who looked unconscious.

"Peter!" exclaimed James, astonished and concerned. "What happened to him?"

"It seems that he's been locked in there for an hour indeed," McGonagall retorted, glaring at the door. And that thing indeed refused to let him out. Please support him, will you?"

Remus took Peter's arm and laid it over his shoulders; Lily gingerly raised his chin and gently wiped the tracks of tears that furrowed his round cheeks.

"Poor thing," Sirius said. "What're you doing, Professor?"

"He must be taken to the hospital wing," answered McGonagall, taking her wand back, "but I can't carry him all the way to there."

A little wave of her wand, and a stretcher appeared, floating in midair a foot up from the floor. Remus set Peter down onto it and McGonagall, with a nod, climbed up the stairs, directing the stretcher with her wand.

Vega left them when they reached the ground floor, after an encouraging look at her brother and the others. When they arrived at the hospital wing, Professor McGonagall talked a bit with Madam Pomfrey, the matron, who took Peter along; then she turned to the four students, "We're going back to class," she said. "I'm afraid the lesson will be shortened drastically, but the students are waiting. And we're all going," she added in a tone that invited no response, seeing that James and Sirius were looking at the door of the hospital wing. "You'll return and see Pettigrew after class."

The four friends could have protested, but not with McGonagall. Even as a young person, a power and authority issued from her. At that that very moment with her cheeks flushed from climbing three flights of stairs, and her eyes glittering, they were even more hesitant to cross her.

When they came to the Transfiguration classroom behind McGonagall, the chatting inside stopped at once, and they heard a rumble, meaning that everybody was taking their seats again. McGonagall frowned and asked, "Miss Dodger, I thought I'd asked you to keep an eye on this class with McKinnon. What's happened here?"

James and Sirius took a step closer, so they could see Lisa, looking sheepish, extricate herself from a heap of crumbled pieces of parchment. Charlie was back on his seat, laughing to himself.

"Well --" she stammered, "they -- they wouldn't listen to me -- Charlie said scolding them was no use -- I insisted, but they said I wasn't funny -- so they wanted to play at throwing crumbled pieces of parchment --"

Professor McGonagall listened with her brows furrowed.

"I don't congratulate you," she told the class once Lisa had finished spluttering. "You had an occasion to earn a few points by keeping up a calm, reasonable attitude and you wasted it. Now I'm forced to take five points from Gryffindor. Take your books now, and let's make up for the lost time."

Even James, who was quite keen on Transfiguration, had trouble concentrating on his lesson. He fidgeted nervously with his quill, and looked at his watch every two minutes. Sitting at his left, Sirius had his jaw tightened, and he didn't open his mouth for the whole hour. Remus and Lily shared a few whispers, and many Gryffindors looked curiously at the four of them.

The bell rang at last and freed them. The four friends jumped out of their seats and ran towards the stairs -- Lily almost dropped her bag while stuffing it with books and Remus stumbled on the playful step between the third and the second floor.

Once arrived at the hospital wing, however, they were disappointed.

"Let him rest," Madam Pomfrey told them. "He'll be fine, it was only terror and exhaustion -- finding himself locked in an enclosed place that made him panic. He'll get out of here tomorrow around noon."

"He knew it," Sirius whispered when they were back in the corridor. It was the first word he uttered since McGonagall had taken Peter to the hospital wing. He was pale with anger. James turned to him, his eyebrows raised.

"What? Who knew what?"

"Snape. I don't know what he's done, but I'm sure he cooked up the whole thing. He chose Peter because he's the weakest of us. He chose Potions because Walsh doesn't like anyone and she loves bullying Peter -- I'm ready to bet he even chose this very lesson because the Bearding Beverage isn't dangerous to the skin, so that Peter just had to have a wash to that very toilet -- the one with the playful door."

"Don't you think you're going too far?" said Remus. "Snape wouldn't have planned all that! I agree with the first part though, he did want to cause someone problems, and since he hates us because we make fun of him all the time, he set about the most vulnerable of us."

"Remus's right," Lily added. "You're a paranoiac. Snape isn't clever enough to plan it all."

But Sirius shook his head, "I think you're underestimating him. Haven't you heard what's been said about him? He knows dark magic, and his father's rather close to Voldemort, for the ideas and all. He's a slimy git, but he's not stupid."

Lily shrugged; James thought about the snatch of conversation he'd heard between his mum and Nigel, the barman of the Leaky Cauldron, on the day he went to buy his school things.

"Snape? They're quite close to He-Must-Not-Be-Named, aren't they? I'm suspicious of those people, you can never know ..."

"You mustn't always take "what's said" at face value," remarked Remus with a frown. "Even if Snape is a slimy git -- and I totally agree with you here -- it doesn't necessarily mean that he's a Dark wizard, does it?"

"I won't let him off so easily anyway," Sirius said in a low voice. "Peter had himself humiliated by Walsh because of Snape. Nothing would've happened if he hadn't thrown that I dunno what in Peter's cauldron."

"Calm down, Sirius," James cut in. "What're you intending to do to him?"

"Nothing mean, only teach him a little lesson."

"And are we allowed to know how you're planning to do that?"

Sirius gave his wolf-like grin that unveiled his eyeteeth, "Seriously, Jamsie."

* * *

"There," Sirius said, pointing to a page of Three Thousand, Two Hundreds and One Tricks of all Kinds, "that's what we need."

"A Glass-Wall Charm?"

They had climbed up to the boys' dormitory and had taken the precious book out of its hiding place at the bottom of James' cupboard; Lily had followed them -- she sighed at the sight of the shambles of clothes and books reigning around Sirius's bed. Sirius followed her gaze and he went very pink. He quickly stuffed something he didn't want her to see under his blanket.

"That's it, a Glass-Wall,' he said when he came back to his friends. "Lily, you're the Charm specialist, could you think of a little spell that'd change the letters of something written -- let's say on a wooden sign?"

"ER ..."

Lily frowned at the ceiling whenever she was thinking hard. "Hand me your Standard Book of Spells, I'm sure I've already seen that somewhere."

She leafed through the book for a while, then her face lit up all of a sudden, "Ah, there's the Write-Over Spell -- it's used to put change wording on things. First we erase, then we trace the letters we want written on the surface with our wands. And then we say the formula written here to cancel the effect."

"Whoa, Lil', Jamsie was quite right," Sirius said solemnly. "You are a genius."

Lily couldn't help but smile. Then James asked impatiently, "Ok, now when are you planning to tell us what you're cooking up, Sirius?"

"Right, Jamsie. Here's what I suggest ..."

And Sirius put forward his plan. At the end, the three others were gaping. It seemed so crazy, so impossible, so many things could go wrong -- there was a little pause, then James gave a broad grin, "Sirius, I'm a hundred per cent with you, pal. You're a complete nutter -- it could all go completely wrong -- but I'm ready to give it a try. Remus?"

"Of course you can count me in," said Remus in a low voice, with that special grin of his dawning on his lips.

"What about you, Lil'?"

Lily kept silent for a second, then sighed, "Guys like you are a danger to the public welfare, but I accept."

James and Sirius high-fived.

"Beware, Severus Snape -- the Fiendish Foursome's after you now!"

* * *

Early the next morning, the three boys met Lily in the common room to settle a few practical details, then they went down to breakfast with their fellow Gryffindors.

"Got any news about Peter?" asked Fergus Finnigan to James who was sitting in front of him. "When does he get out?"

"Later in the morning," James answered.

"Poor thing," said Lisa Dodger. "Walsh was really mean to him yesterday. Besides he had nothing to do with it, for once --"

"Who told you that?" Fleur Delaney asked, brushing back her sleek brown hair.

"Martin told me he saw Snape stand up and do something weird with his wand. He couldn't tell what."

"I hate that Snape guy, with his imperious air, his crooked nose, and greasy hair," chirped little Zoey Zig. "Always looks as if nothing is good enough for him."

"So does Malfoy," said Tim Thomas. "According to him, if you're not pure-blooded you're not a true witch or wizard. Barking mad."

Lisa Dodger shivered very slightly, "He gives me the creeps. He's so cold, he looks like a vampire or a snake."

"Why d'you think the Hat sorted him into Slytherin?" Sirius grinned. "They've got quite some zoo in there anyway. Malfoy's as cold as a snake, Penny Mordacian's got a bull's neck and Snape looks like a toad, doesn't he? A slimy, slobbering big black toad --"

"Yuck! Cut it out, Sirius!"

A handful of students didn't especially like toads, which was somewhat odd for wizards, but then no one is perfect after all.

Their first class after breakfast was Charms, on the ground floor. To the students' great joy, it was time for them to start making objects fly -- they began with feathers. Lily had her feather fly up to the ceiling; James' and Sirius's rose from a foot or so, and Remus managed to have his fly by dint of concentration, but everybody wasn't so lucky: Tim Thomas kept cursing, but his feather didn't move at all. Lisa Dodger was driving him crazy with her advice and recommendations, "Come on, Tim, you know it's Win-gar-dium Levi-o-sa -- you should be used to it by now! Do me a favour, hold your wand properly. You look as if you were holding a club --"

"Lisa, do shut up!" he eventually cried. "Mind your own feather! If you give me another order, just one, I ask Flitwick to pair me with someone else!"

Lisa glared at him, but kept silent for the rest of the lesson. Tim pretended not to notice Fergus Finnigan and Martin Riley sitting a few seats from him, shaking with laughter.

When the bell rang, the four plotters exchanged a few words to make sure everything was ready as planned. They met the Slytherins on the way to the greenhouses. When the Slytherins reached a fixed point of the corridor, James met Sirius's, Remus' and Lily's gaze, as if to say "It's time!" and muttered a few words, discreetly pointing his wand toward Severus Snape. Rosier, Wilkes. and Avery, who were chatting with him, could see him change colour all of a sudden, and rush to push open a door nearby. At first sight, they thought the wooden sheet above it indicated 'Boys' Toilet', but as they came closer they could clearly read 'Girls' Toilet'.

"What the heck is he doing?" Wilkes whispered, baffled.

"He's off his rocker, what's going on with him?" Rosier muttered, puzzled.

Lily and James were already starting to laugh silently, but Remus put a hand on Lily's arm as he said, "Wait a minute -- you know it's not over, don't you?"

Indeed, from inside the toilet -- whose door Lily had locked up from inside, with a discreet wave of her wand -- they could hear a muffled though animated chatting, long, loud sobs and then a shriek which sounded almost desperate --

"GET ME OUTTA HERE!!"

It was Severus Snape. His usually low voice was much higher this time. Most of the students -- but some Slytherin first-years -- were already shaking with laughter. James, Lily, Sirius and Remus found very difficult suppressing their own fits of laughter.

Noticing Professor McGonagall, who happened to be striding down the corridor, Remus walked to her and said, "ER, Professor? It seems that Severus is having a little problem ..."

"Having a problem?" McGonagall frowned. She came closer and called out, "Snape! Is that you? Will you please tell me what you're doing in a girls' bathroom?"

"I'm locked in!" Snape's voice screamed through the door. "Let me out, don't leave me with her!"

"Who's he talking about?" Fergus Finnigan murmured in Lily's ear.

She turned round, grinning, "Moaning Myrtle haunts this toilet. She's a ghost girl who seriously needs a shrink. She's crying all the time, she even managed to bore me to death."

"What -- exactly what is going on in there?" McGonagall whispered, the expression on her face apparently balancing between anger and puzzlement. "The door's locked up from inside ..."

"May I, Professor?" James said as he stepped closer, suppressing a broad grin. "There's something we can do to know what's happening inside."

He took his wand, and, before his professor's slightly astonished eyes, looked at his friends; the four of them raised their wands and said all together, "Invisibilis Muris!"

The wall of the toilet seemed to tremble slightly, like the wind blowing on a sheet of parchment; then, slowly, the partition in front of them began to erase itself, as if a giant rubber were wiping it away. Everybody could now see Snape clearly, with his back against the door, staring with a horrified look on his face at the ghost who was floating before him, sobbing -- a girl, with a very old-fashioned hairstyle, and an extremely dull face, half hidden by her long hair and thick glasses. She was crying loudly, repeating, "Why then have you come in my toilet if not to bully me? Everybody comes here to bully me! You're just as mean as the others! I'm going to tell everybody you hang about on the quiet in the girls' toilets!"

This time, the little crowd of students was roaring with laughter. There weren't only Gryffindors laughing: Lily could see Rachel Riley-Smith, a Ravenclaw student, next to Dave Gudgeon and Helena Alcott, two Hufflepuff first-years who shared Herbology classes with the Gryffindors. Everyone was laughing their head off -- Fergus was banging on the wall with his fists. Sirius was leaning on James in order not to purely and simply fall, and James was leaning on Sirius for the same reason. Even Remus had dropped his ironic and serious mask; he was splitting his sides, and he even had what looked like tears of laughter in his eyes.

"ER -- could someone explain to me what's going on?" asked a shy-sounding little voice behind Lily. It was Peter, who looked much better than the day before. He'd just turned up and stood there with a puzzled expression on his round face.

"Hey there, good timing, Peter," Sirius said in a cheerful voice, friendly clapping him on the shoulder. "Seems that Slimy Sevie made a lil' mistake and locked himself in there with Moaning Myrtle."

"Have you -- have you locked Snape in the toilet?" Peter breathed, flabbergasted.

"Who, us? No ... we only -- let's say, erm -- encouraged him to go in there!"

"To run in there, to speak more truthfully," James corrected with a sardonic smile.

"And then we, ER -- saw to it that he couldn't get out," Remus finished in the same tone.

"But how did you manage that?"

"'With a little help from my friends'," Sirius crooned. "We've done the whole thing together. And you know what, guys?"

"Nope, what?"

Sirius glanced at McGonagall who'd had the wall back and opened the door, then at Snape running out as fast as he could, "It was huge."

And the four friends started to laugh on, and on, and on, as though they would never stop, while McGonagall took Snape by the ear as she growled, "I've never seen such a thing. You go lock yourself in the bathroom -- the girls' bathroom! -- you bolt the door from inside, you make Moaning Myrtle cry, and you beg everybody to help you out? We're going to explain ourselves with the Headmaster, Mister Snape! Never, I never ..."

When they walked away, the crowd of students started to scattering gradually; most of them were still laughing, some were telling what had happened to others who hadn't been lucky enough to see the scene. Wilkes, Avery and Rosier, mortified and red with shame, were hugging the walls.

"You're right, Sirius," Lily hiccuped, trying to catch her breath again. "It was huge."

Remus was already serious again, "There's still something that bothers me."

"What, Rem'?" James asked as he wiped his eyes, trying to become serious again, too.

"The way we did that. We used the same tactics as Snape -- we acted just as sly and cunning as he would have acted. And now he's the victim of an injustice because of us, just like Peter was because of him."

"C'mon, Remus," Sirius said on a light tone, "we beat him, didn't we? Now he'll think twice before setting about one of us! Only that counts, doesn't it?"

Remus frowned slightly, "Yeah, it counts, but it's not like we attacked him head-on, cleanly ... What we did wasn't really fair. Remember the Sorting Hat's song? 'Then now if you're sly and cunning / Crafty and craving for success / Well you'll dwell in Slytherin / Where ambitious are welcome best' ... We did not play fair."

James frowned too, while Lily stared at Remus and Sirius gave an annoyed sigh, "You and your blasted sense of fairness -- honestly. When you're at war," he added seriously, looking at Remus straight in the eye, "you're a goner if you don't use the same arms as your enemy."

"Sirius, I think you're taking all this to heart too much," Remus said softly. "We are not at war, after all."

There was a little silence, a bit tense, which was cut by James's voice, "I'm not that sure."

Sirius and Remus glanced at him curiously, and so did Lily and Peter. James nodded discreetly to the left; they followed his gaze, and Peter shivered slightly.

Flanked by his two bodyguards Crabbe and Goyle, Lucius Malfoy was staring at him, his icy eyes shining with pure hatred.

* * *

Malfoy's appearance and the expression on his face gave the little group of friends much to think about. They all knew that Malfoy, although not despising Snape as much as the Muggle-born, considered him as small fry. Even if Severus Snape -- according to what was said about him, for the gossips and corridor whispers were probably ways of information of prime importance, whatever Remus said -- knew Dark Magic indeed, Malfoy was head and shoulders above him in that matter; moreover, Malfoy had a tendency to scorn deeply his pairs, and Snape and his little gang of Slytherins were no exception.

However, what Malfoy mostly cared for could be limited to three things: the reputation of what he called 'true wizards', Slytherin's reputation, and his own. Even if Snape was, according to him, his inferior, he did belong in Slytherin, and they had to stick together against the others. When a Slytherin was disgraced, the whole house was concerned. That was why he looked so furious about what had happened to his first-year schoolmate.

That was what the four friends had deduced from the little 'bathroom incident' and Malfoy's expression. Until then, they had always chosen Snape as their favourite target, but without forgetting to remember themselves to the other Slytherin first-years. They did leave the older Slytherins alone. Vega, as well as Arnold Weasley and Frank Longbottom, two Gryffindor third-years who liked the 'fiendish foursome', had warned them -- some of the Slytherins were no angels, and could reveal themselves to be very dangerous if you asked for it. Lucius Malfoy was among them, although he was only in his second year. But then he must be the most ambitious second-year of all Hogwarts students.

Malfoy, however, didn't make himself known than usual during the following week. The five friends kept watching him carefully and even following him from a distance, he remained as normal as possible. Sirius even suggested spying on the owls, in case their enemy was receiving instructions to dispose of them from his father -- "or directly from Voldemort, who knows?". He said that first in Transfiguration class, and they had to whisper in order not to be heard by McGonagall.

"You watch TV way too much, Sirius," Lily sighed, rolling her eyes. Remus chuckled softly. Sirius shrugged with a smile of his.

"Watch what?" James asked, interested.

"Something more interesting to add to what I've just said, Potter?" said McGonagall, walking past him. James granted her his most innocent smile, "Nothing more interesting than turning a pen into a feather, Professor."

McGonagall stared at him with her piercing eyes; James didn't flinch, and she finally went on with the lesson.

"You're wrong, Jamsie," Sirius whispered when she was far enough. "TV's much more interesting than turning a pen into a feather."

James shrugged. A few seconds later, between two incredible theories, Remus managed to tell them he'd be absent on the next Tuesday evening and Wednesday morning.

"Again?" Peter whispered. "Weren't you gone last month too? What's happening?"

"It's my mum, she relapsed. She owled me this morning."

"It's not too serious, is it?" James asked in a low voice, vaguely worried.

"It doesn't seem so, but it could become more serious."

"Why doesn't your dad take care of her?" said Peter. Remus didn't answer that at once, and Peter regretted immediately his question, although his friend's face didn't betray any particular emotion.

"My dad doesn't live with us," Remus said after one or two seconds. Sirius nodded, with in his clear eyes a sort of soft expression a bit unusual with him, and Peter dived again into his Transfiguration book, aware somehow that he had made a mistake but not knowing how to excuse himself. The conversation ended there.

However Remus couldn't avoid some questions when he came back from home Wednesday around midday -- he looked worse than ever. His eyes were underlined with darker circles than usual, and he seemed somewhat weaker.

"Explain that one to me, Rem', will you?" James said on a concerned tone. "How come each time your mum's sick, you come back looking as if you'd caught something worse?"

"D'you know where I live?" Remus replied without losing countenance. "Few miles from here, near the Scottish frontier. It's already awfully cold around here, in case you didn't notice."

"That's true," said Lily. "I bet it'll be snowing soon."

"Thanks, Lily. I caught a bad cold back there. So I went to see Madam Pomfrey earlier today, but what she gave me stunned me a bit. That's why I look a bit off-colour."

"You don't look off-colour, you are off colour," Sirius remarked as he peered at his friend. "I wonder what she gave you that put you in such a state?"

"I'd rather not to catch a cold," Peter added in his small voice, "I don't want to look like a zombie just digging out from his grave."

"Why, thanks Peter," said Remus in a would-be sarcastic sort of voice, sounding much lower than usual. "I'd never heard that one yet."

"You can have a break in History of Magic," said Lily. "I'll take notes alone if you want."

History of Magic was so boring that Lily and Remus had suggested that they'd listen to the lesson carefully and copy it down, in order to help their friends to make up for the time they lost gazing at the window or scribbling in their History of Magic. But Remus shook his head, "No, two are better than one, so we can compare our notes."

"History of Magic could kill anyone healthy, and you're not," Sirius said on a grave tone. 'I wouldn't take the risk if I were you --"

"Shut up, Sirius."

That day's lesson was about regulation of the length of the magic wands in the Twelfth Century -- maybe the dullest subject of all, but who knows with Binns? Most of the students were already half asleep, and Remus was much quieter than usual during the lesson. Lily couldn't help but steal a few worried glances at him; then, seeing that he was copying down at the same rate as she was, she put her mind at ease and concentrated on her own piece of parchment.

"Thus in 1146, the Silver Wand Camp was set up, so the Chief of the Wizards' Council of Great Britain could meet his Spanish and French counterparts, that is the Prince Sorcier Bracon and the Gran Hidalgo de Magìa Paco El Del Molino, to discuss the length of the European magic wands. They eventually came to the conclusion that the length of a witch's or a wizard's magic wand should be proportional to the height of the said witch or wizard ..."

"I've got an evil idea for a prank to Snape," Sirius yawned while scribbling on his piece of parchment. "We could lock him in History of Magic classroom with Binns. That guy's worse than all the pranks we could ever pull on Slimy Sevie."

"I agree," James said in a drawling sort of voice. "I wonder how one can live through it for seven years if only one hour's enough to stun anyone -- hangman?"

"Yep. You begin. Go, pick a word."

"OK ER ... Ah!"

James took up the piece of parchment he used as a blotter and traced eleven little lines. Sirius frowned, 'Gee, wait, your word's long. ER ... 'o'."

"Right. That makes _ _ o _ _ _ _ _ o _ _ ."

"Weird thing again, is it? It's not fair, Jamsie. There's loads of incredible magical creepy crawlies you know and I don't."

"You should read your Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them a bit more often. Besides, how many times did you put some impossible word? Speaking of that, your last one was weird ... I'm sure that 'pentahedron' doesn't even exist. You made it up."

"I didn't. If you think I make up, you're lucky not to play Scrabble with my sister -- she's got such some weird words you'd think she's got her own dictionary in her head. 'e'."

" 'e', it makes ... _ _ o _ _ e _ _ o _ _ . So what does "pentahedron" mean, according to you?"

"Dunno, Vega said this once in a Scrabble game. I haven't the faintest idea of what it means. But it's hard to find, is it?"

"I bet it is."

"What're you playing at?" said Peter's voice near Sirius.

"Hangman. It's Sirius's turn to guess."

"ER ... 'a'," ventured the latter.

"Missed!" James began to draw the gallows with an ironic smile on his lips.

"Have you tried the 'i'?" asked Fergus Finnigan in a low voice.

"Nope. Jamsie?"

"Missed again! I love this game."

"You're a sadistic, James,' said Lily with a grin, looking up from her notes. "Try the 'h', Sirius."

"Why 'h'?"

"Dunno." Lily shrugged.

"Oh well, 'h'."

"You're gonna get hanged, Sirius!" said James, sounding delighted.

"Blimey, again?"

Along with James, Sirius, Peter and occasionally Lily, Fergus Finnigan and Martin Riley had thrown themselves in the fight too. History of Magic would have become interesting only for that hangman games.

"So then," Sirius eventually said, looking at the piece of parchment over James's shoulder, "we've got _ l o _ _ e r _ o r m. Any idea, someone?"

There was a short silence, each one thinking hard. Then --

"Flobberworm," Peter said in a small voice. Sirius raised an eyebrow, "What?"

"Yeah, 'flobberworm': f. l. o. b. b. e. r. w. o. r. m. Is that correct, James?"

"You've won, Peter," James said cheerfully. "You're correct. One point to Gryffindor, Pettigrew," he added, imitating McGonagall's voice.

"If only I was as good in Transfiguration or in Potions," Peter muttered with a little melancholic pout that made Sirius laugh softly.

"C'mon, Peter," he said reassuringly, breaking up with his sarcastic self for once, "one of these days we'll organise a hangman's competition. And you'll win that one hands down."

"You'll have some good ones to compete with," remarked James. "Remus's rather good at hangman too. Next time you pick a word, right Rem'?"

James got no answer. Puzzled, he turned to his friend, "Remus? What --"

Far from his usually keen attitude in class, Remus was sound asleep, with his head buried in his arms. His light-brown hair was falling in his eyes more than ever, and he was even snoring very slightly. James chuckled softly, and Lily turned round to him, "Is he really sleeping?"

"I think so," James whispered. "Funny thing, isn't it? He must be the latest I thought I'd see sleep in class for good ... should we wake him up?"

After a few seconds' thinking, Lily slightly shook her head, smiling, "No, let him rest. He looks exhausted, and he's so cute when he's sleeping ..."

Sirius watched the scene with a chuckle. Peter looked concerned, "What if Binns sees he's sleeping?"

"We've been playing hangman in his class for two months," James retorted reasonably, "and Mundungus told me that he had a kip one hour out of three in History of Magic. So for once ..."

Peter didn't insist. James, Sirius and him went on playing hangman. The hour passed slowly. About ten minutes before the end of class, Lily was still copying down and yawning; she would glance briefly, almost enviously at Remus who was still sound asleep. He was starting to stir though; Lily thought he was probably about to wake up, but instead of opening his eyes and sitting up, he gave a jump, slipped suddenly off his seat and collapsed on the ground. Lily dropped her quill and leaned over him, while James jumped and Peter stared wide-eyed. Binns turned around rather nimbly for a ghost, and most of the students half stood up from their seats in order to have a better look.

"What's happening? Remus, what's wrong?"

But Remus was already getting up, grasping the edge of the table with a slightly shaking hand. For a moment, Lily, who was sitting next to him, thought she'd noticed a sort of completely lost expression in the wide-open blue grey eyes; but the feeling was fleeting, and disappeared quickly.

"What's wrong with you, Lucky?" Binns stammered, baffled by a bustle he wasn't used to. James noticed that Binns didn't even remember the correct name of one of his best students.

"I -- I'm sorry, Professor, I must've slipped off somehow," Remus breathed as he regained his seat with some difficulty, embarrassed at so many eyes staring at him, as well as of the chuckles running through the rows. Binns peered at him, frowning, then turned to the blackboard again. James and Sirius didn't turn their eyes away from their friend.

"Remus, are you all right?" Lily asked gently, almost cautiously.

"Don't worry, Lily, I'm fine," he answered mildly, taking his quill again. "I must've had a nightmare, that's all."

James whispered in turn, "Hey, it's quite normal falling asleep in History of Magic. You've nothing to reproach yourself about."

Remus just shrugged. Sirius looked concerned.

"Are you sure that --"

"Look, I'm fine, OK?" Remus said in a loud, rather curt voice. Then, seeing Sirius' almost hurt expression, he corrected on a softer tone, "I'm sorry, Sirius, I didn't mean to snap at you. That's just -- I mustn't fall asleep. I know, it's not a matter of life and death, but I hate letting down my guards like that. Now please, I'd like to catch Lily up, or she'll think I'm just a lazy thing."

Sirius nodded, and seemed to have forgotten it. But when he met James's gaze, the latter could see that, like himself, Sirius had some doubts about their friend's latest remark -- both knew that it was a lie, Lily would have never thought Remus was a "lazy thing". James only little paid little attention to the rest of the lesson; something bothered him in the story Remus had told them, which almost sounded like an excuse anyway. He told them he lived near the Scottish frontier, so near Hogwarts since the college was situated in Scotland; and it held together with his very slight North-England accent. But in this case, how could he have been sick in the train back to Hogwarts the previous month? Even with many bends, the trip couldn't have been that long ...

The next day, after a good night's sleep, Remus was almost back to his normal self, but it didn't stop James from wondering.