Spine Factor

Voice Over: Welcome to Spine Factor! The only Wizarding show that tests your courage, and ability to face your own fears. Prove yourself to be the most fearless of all and you will win the grand prize ofÂ….1000 Galleons! Now, your hosts, Parvati Anne Patil and Lee Jordan!

Parvati Anne Patil and Lee Jordan walk onto stage, smiling and waving at the crowd.

Parvati Anne Patil: Hello and welcome to our first episode of Spine Factor!

Lee: I'm Lee Jordan, and this is my co-host Parvati Anne Patil.

Parvati Anne Patil: Now that the niceties have been observed, are you ready to meet our contestants?

The crowd cheers excitedly.

Lee: Alright. Our first contestant comes to us from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, where she is a fifth year student. She enjoys reading, learning, and painting. Please welcome Hermione Granger!

Hermione walks out onto stage, looking confident. Lee takes her hand and shakes it, holding on longer than necessary.

Lee: Well, hello Hermione. How are you feeling today?

Hermione: Pretty good, I have read up a lot and I think I'm ready to do this.

Lee: That's great, and what do you think your chances are for winning the grand prize?

Hermione: I think they are good. I got perfect marks in Defense against the Dark Arts and I know everything about dark creatures.

Lee: That is terrific. And if you win the 1000 galleons, what will you do with it?

Hermione: I'll put most of it in savings, but I'll buy myself some new books and put some of it towards S.P.E.W.

Lee: Alright Hermione, sounds like a good plan! And Parvati Anne Patil, the next contestant please.

Parvati Anne Patil: Our next contestant also comes from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He is a fifth year student there. He enjoys quidditch, sailing, and secret evil societies. Lets Welcome Draco Malfoy!

Draco walks out looking quite smug and instead of shaking Parvati Anne Patil's hand, he kisses it.

Parvati Anne Patil: Well, hello Draco! How are you today?

Draco: I'm just fine.

Parvati Anne Patil: That's great. And, what do you think your chances are to win this?

Draco: I think my chances are great. For not only am I clever, brave, and quick, I am also good with a wand.

Parvati Anne Patil: I would imagine you areÂ…..Anywho, what will you do with the 1000 galleons if you win it?

Draco: I will invest it in Wizardshare, and triple my money.

Parvati Anne Patil: Sounds like a plan! Our next contestant Lee.

Lee: Our next contestant comes to us from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where she is a sixth year student. She enjoys singing, quidditch, and gymnastics. Let's hear it for Cho Chang!

Cho walks onto stage and Lee kisses her hand.

Parvati Anne Patil: Lee, it's not going to look good on you.

Lee: Nevermind my CO-host Hello Cho! How are you feeling today?

Cho: I'm feeling great Lee!

Lee: That's great. And what do you think your chances are for winning the money?

Cho: I think they are good, and I believe in myself. When you believe in yourself you can do anything.

Lee: I am a strong believer in that. What will you do with the money if you win it?

Cho looks at her right hand.

Cho: World Peace.

Parvati Anne Patil: I think you mean that answer for Who Wants to marry a Galleonare. That's next week.

Cho: Oh, wrong hand.

Cho switches hands.

Cho: I will buy peace between all witches and wizards.

Lee: Okay then. Thank you Cho. Now, Parvati, the next contestant.

Parvati Anne Patil: Do not call me just Parvati! I am Parvati Anne Patil!

Lee: Sorry, Parvati Anne Patil, I forgot.

Parvati Anne Patil: Okay, our next contestant comes from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where he is a fifth year student. He enjoys quidditch, adventure, and chess. Please welcome Ronald Weasley!

Ron walks out and Parvati Anne Patil gives him a dazzling smile, causing him to blush.

Parvati Anne Patil: Hello Ron! How are you today?

Ron: Fine.

Parvati Anne Patil: WellÂ…that's great. And what do you think your chances are for winning the money?

Ron: I think they are good. I mean, I've gone through all kinds of danger with Harry the past five years. Hi Harry!

Ron waves at Harry who is sitting in the front row.

Parvati Anne Patil: My, you must be brave! Now, if you win the money Ron, what will you do with it?

Ron: I'll spend it and enjoy being rich. I will buy a new racing broom first thing though, and some new Gladrags robes.

Parvati Anne Patil: That sounds fabulous. Our next contestant Lee?

Lee: Yes, our next contestant comes from Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry where she is a seventh year student. She enjoys quidditch, writing poetry, and duels. And boy is she a looker, please welcome Alicia Spinnet!

Alicia walks on the stage.

Lee: Hello Alicia! How are you today?

Alicia: I'm good.

Lee: That's great. And what do you think your chances for winning are?

Alicia: I suppose they are as good as everyone else's.

Lee: I'm sure they are. And if you win the money Alicia, what will you do with it?

Alicia: I will buy the whole Gryffindor team new brooms. And spend the rest on whatever.

Lee: None of the teams stand a chance anyhow, that'll really throw them off course!

Parvati Anne Patil smacks his arm whispering something about the contract and biased.

Lee: Erm..yes. Alicia, by the way, if you don't win, I can tell you a surefire way to get that thousand galleons. That goes for all you ladies by the way.

Lee gives them a suggestive smile and Parvati Anne Patil kicks him.

Lee:: Anywho, on to Parvati Anne Patil with our final contestant.

Parvati Anne Patil: Our sixth and final contestant is a graduate of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and he currently is employed as a reserve keeper for England. He enjoys quidditch, quidditch, and more quidditch. Please welcome Oliver Wood!

Oliver comes on stage and Parvati Anne Patil gives him her dazzling stage smile

Parvati Anne Patil: Hello Oliver! How are you today?

Oliver: I'm fine.

Parvati Anne Patil: Great! And what do you think your chances are for winning the grand prize?

Oliver: I think they are good.

Parvati Anne Patil: Me too! And, if you win the money what will you do with it?

Oliver: I will start a quidditch league for witches and wizards under twelve, we'll have separate teams and matches and everything. It will give them a chance to play before we need them on the school teams.

Parvati Anne Patil: What a great idea Oliver! I wish we'd had something like that when I was that age.

Lee: Well that's all of our contestants. Now, before we start the first task, let's meet some of our audience members. Parvati Anne Patil if you would?

Parvati Anne Patil and Lee go out into the crowd and choose people to talk.

Parvati Anne Patil: Hello, what is your name?

A gorgeous girl with a head full of sun streaked brown hair stands up.

Destiny: Hi, I'm Destiny.

Parvati Anne Patil: And are you excited to be on the show?

Destiny: Oh, yeah, I'm thrilled.

Parvati Anne Patil: And who are you rooting for?

Destiny: Ron! He is the cutest thing, I know he is going to win.

Parvati Anne Patil: Well, look at that Ron, you have a fan.

Lee picks on a group of girls and boys.

Lee: Hello, please state your names.

Fred: I'm Fred, this is George, Harry, Angelina, and Katie, we're the Gryffindor Quidditch team.

Lee: Great, and who are you rooting for?

Harry: Ron and Hermione.

Fred: Alicia and Oliver

George: Ron and Hermione, we divided them up because four each was too many to root for.

Angelina and Katie: We're both rooting for Alicia! You can do it!

Lee: Well, that's great. I think we have time for a few more.

Parvati Anne Patil picks two large boys who don't look very bright.

Parvati Anne Patil: Hello! Please introduce yourselves.

Goyle: I'm Goyle

Crabbe: I'm Crabbe

Parvati Anne Patil: And who are you two here for?

Goyle: Draco

Parvati Anne Patil waits a minute but they don't seem like they are going to say anything else.

Parvati Anne Patil: Well, back to you Lee.

Lee is standing with an elderly wizard wearing bright blue robes.

Lee: Well, I have here with me none other than Professor Dumbledore! What do you think of the show Professor?

Dumbledore: I think it's a jolly idea. And I'm sure it's bound to get interesting. I would like to wish all of the contestants luck.

Lee: Wicked, you are the greatest wizard of all time and you are at our show. Anywho, back to you Parvati Anne Patil.

Parvati Anne Patil is standing up with the contestants again. Lee joins them.

Lee: Now, you are about to embark on your first task, which will eliminate two of you.

Parvati Anne Patil: This is to test your daring, speed, and of course spine factor.

Lee leads them over to an obstacle course, which is viewable to all the audience as it is all glassed in.

Lee: This is full of all kinds of dark creatures, you will not be allowed a wand. You have to strategize and make your way through. The first four to reach the end win.

Parvati Anne Patil: I will collect your wands now.

The contestants hand their wands over to Parvati Anne Patil.

Lee: I am going to go to the end of the course, over there, Parvati Anne Patil will tell you when to begin.

Parvati Anne Patil: Are you all ready? On your marksÂ…..get setÂ…..go!

The contestants take off into the obstacle course, Oliver and Hermione in the lead. Everyone makes it pretty well past a Chimaera, a fleet of Doxys, and the Dugbog, Alicia being bitten on the ankle by the Dugbog. Then they lose their first contestant, as Cho is lured away and leaves with the Erkling.

Parvati Anne Patil: We need a trainee to fetch Cho before the Erkling eats her!

A trainee runs off into the obstacle course. The other contestants are near the end when they come upon an Acromantula. The others manage to dodge it but Ron becomes petrified with fear and can't move. Oliver, Alicia, Hermione, and Draco reach the end and Lee brings them back to the front of the audience.

Lee: Congratulations you four! You are moving on, one step closer to the 1000 galleons.

Another trainee retrieves Ron and the other comes back with Cho.

Parvati Anne Patil: You two didn't finish in time, but you aren't going away empty handed! What do we have for these two?

Lavender Brown steps out, dressed and dolled up carrying two certificates.

Lavender: You each are receiving a twenty-galleon gift certificate to Zonko's Joke Shop, the makers of the best pranks since 1932!

Ron and Cho take their certificates and leave the stage. Lavender exits also.

Lee: Now, you four will move onto your next task, but first, a word from our sponsors.

Voice-Overs: Spine Factor is brought to you in part by contributions from the following:

Gladrags Wizardwear, Bertie Botts Every Flavor Beans – a risk with every mouthful!, Droobles Best Blowing Gum, The Firebolt – the broom of the future, Charmed – makers of fine wizard jewelry since 1794, Zonko's Joke Shop – est. 1932, and Flourish and Blotts Book store!

Parvati Anne Patil: Now, back to the show.

Lee: Now, our next task will test your squeam factor.

Parvati Anne Patil and Lee lead the remaining contestants over to a seven-foot, orange and black, three-headed serpent.

Parvati Anne Patil: This, if you don't know is a Runespoor.

Lee: Your task, should you choose to do it is to kiss the Runespoor on each head.

The contestants all look quite grossed out.

Parvati Anne Patil: Alright, Hermione you're up first.

Hermione looks quite disgusted, but quickly kisses the snake.

Lee: Now your turn Oliver

Oliver makes a face and then bends over and kisses the hissing snake on each head to the audience's cheers and laughs.

Parvati Anne Patil: Alicia

Alicia: Why not, it can't be any worse than kissing George.

The crowd laughs and Alicia kisses the snake's heads.

Lee: Now you Draco.

Draco looks as if he will be sick.

Draco: I can not kiss that thing, it's gauche.

Lee: If you don't do it your out of here. Audience count it down for me.

Audience: 5

Audience: 4

Audience: 3

Audience: 2

Audience: 1

Audience: 0!

Draco: I don't care. I was not about to kiss that thing.

Parvati Anne Patil: Don't worry Draco, you aren't going away empty handed.

Lavender walks out carrying a certificate.

Lavender: You have a 150 galleon gift certificate to Gladrags Wizardwear, located in Paris, London, and Hogsmeade!

Draco: Well, I have been meaning to get some silk pajamas.

Parvati Anne Patil: Maybe I could help you pick them outÂ….if you want you can wait backstage in my dressing room and I could console you after the show and we could-

She is interrupted by a tall redhead wearing fashionable blue robes, striding forward.

Shirley: No way Parvati Anne Patil. It is against the rules for you to have any other contact with the contestants when not on the show.

Parvati Anne Patil pulls out her contract and sticks on a pair of reading glasses.

Parvati Anne Patil: Ha! Just because you're the director Shirley, you think you know everything, it says nothing like that in my contract.

Shirley: Because I'm the director I get to make up the rules! And it is a rule now. Besides, Draco is coming backstage with me so I can console him over his loss.

Draco: OkayÂ…who are you?

Shirley: I am Shirley Riddle, the director of this whole show and I am filthy rich.

Draco: Okay, lets go. Sorry Parvati Anne Patil, rules are rules you know.

Shirley the director and Draco leave the stage.

Parvati Anne Patil: That's it! I quit!

Parvati Anne Patil storms off stage.

Lee: I'm co-hostless!

Lee runs offstage too.

The contestants stand around for a few minutes, looking blank until Lee comes back out, dragging Parvati Anne Patil with him.

Lee: Sorry about that. Anywho, now you three are on to the final task, the one that will determine who receives the 1000 galleons.

Parvati Anne Patil: You three will each go into these soundproof booths and face a boggart. You will not be allowed a wand, the person who stays in there the longest, facing their fear will win.

Lee: Are you all ready?

The contestants nod grimly and go into the booths.

After about five minutes, a door slams open and Hermione runs out, her face streaked with tears.

Hermione: It's Professor Dumbledore! He snapped my wand! I'm not even a real witch!

Hermione takes off.

Lee: Maybe I should go console herÂ….

Shirley pokes her head from backstage.

Shirley: Don't even think about it Jordan.

Parvati Anne Patil: Well, Hermione isn't here right now, but she won't be going away empty handed. What do we have for her Lavender?

Lavender: A 200-galleon gift certificate to Flourish and Blotts! All the books you could ask for!

Lee: Alright, the next person to come out will choose who our winner is.

After a few minutes another door opens and Alicia comes out, looking terrified, a tiny tendril of her hair completely white. Lee opens Oliver's door and leads him out.

Parvati Anne Patil: Congratulations Oliver, you are the winner!

Oliver: It doesn't matter, I'll never fly again..

Oliver passes out and the mediteam run out and revive him.

Lee: Alicia, you didn't win but second place is very good too! Tell her what she's going home with Lavender!

Lavender: Alicia will take home a brand new Firebolt! And a 100-galleon gift certificate to Quality Quidditch Supplies!

Parvati Anne Patil: And Oliver, you are our first place winner! You have won the 1000 galleons!

Colin and Dennis Creevey struggle over carrying a huge safe. Lee opens it and shows the piles of gold to the audience.

Lee: Well, everyone, that's the end of the show. But please join us next week and we'll have new contestants, new prizes, and all kinds of stuff.

Lee and Parvati Anne Patil wave at the crowd.

Parvati Anne Patil: If you are going to be in the Hogsmeade area and would like free tickets to the show, use your orb and owl me at [email protected] and I'll get tickets to you. You never know, you might even get to talk to us on the telly!

Lee: Until next time then!

Lee, Parvati Anne Patil, and the audience wave whilst Oliver counts his money.

End creditsÂ….