At Any Moment

Hermione IV

Early hours of the morning...

I woke up calling for Mum again just now. I keep seeing her in my dreams. It's like she's trying to tell me something, only as soon as I seem close enough to understand what she's saying, it all just disintegrates into a green flash and a maniacal laugh.

I just need to know what she has to say and I know I won't get back to sleep now that I've woken up screaming. I'm scared of closing my eyes and seeing the images again. They never go away and if anything, they seem to be getting worse, and stronger too. I refuse to call them visions and that incense laden old fraud in her Seers' paradise is welcome to claim them as such, if they'd shift their focus to her and leave me alone. They won't budge, though, and no matter how many times I try to get close to her, Mum just disappears and the laughing starts.

I want to know and I don't want to know in almost equal measure. I'm scared and tired and wrung out and I just want a decent night's sleep. I can't even blame it on me being in a different bed, though being in a different wing of Hogwarts might have something to do with it all.

Professor Dumbledore moved all of us who'd lost their families to the West Tower the day after the murders. It's a strange sensation to not actually be in Gryffindor Tower any more, but we all seem to be trying to help each other, even the Slytherins, and it's like we have our own little house where no matter our allegiances, we all know we have each other.

Some of the others have had a truly harrowing time and I feel a bit guilty to think that insomnia and some bad dreams are the worst that has happened to me. Dean lost not only his parents, but also his older brother and younger sister, and Zachary Malvern lost his twin brother Simon. It's a toss up as to which of these two is the biggest mess, but they both glare and walk away if anyone tries to help them or ask them how they are. I'm worried that either Dean or Zachary is going to do something drastic and it would be the spark to the powder keg of emotions swirling through our reinforced prison.

I'm being selfish, but I don't think I could take any more grief, not until I've dealt with the weight hanging over me now. I can't even cry properly. I just tear up every so often when I think that Dad would be interested in something that has unwitting links to the Muggle world, or that Mum could help me work out why I have butterflies in my stomach and my heart flutters whenever a certain someone comes near me.

I just want to talk to Mum one last time, have Dad hug me and tell me I'm his girl and know that wherever they are, they're happy and together.

See, I am going mad and I'm shocked that I don't really care if I end up a dribbling mess in St Mungo's or not.

Mid afternoon...

I wonder what's going on with Slytherin politics and it makes me wonder if I'm the only one with a death wish?

Professor Snape took points from Slytherin, or more specifically, he took points from Malfoy and asked him to remain behind at the end of the class.

Malfoy was red in the face and looked ready to pull his wand and start firing hexes and it would have started with Imperius and worked its way up from there.

I don't know why Malfoy was so pissed off. I've put up with that sort of shit for seven years and it just makes me work harder to prove myself. But then I'm used to it, Malfoy isn't and I bet 'daddy dearest' will have an irate missive before the day is over.

After Malfoy had left the classroom, slamming the door on his way out, I came out of my hiding place along the corridor and knocked on the still vibrating door. I didn't hear a reply, so I just opened the door slowly. Professor Snape must have thought I was Malfoy, because he had his wand out and looked like he was going to use it. When he realised it was me, he just dropped his wand onto the desk in front of him and turned his back on me.

He looked really angry and I'm glad he didn't fire off a curse at me. I don't think I could have stood all the coddling in the Infirmary and the aftermath of Harry and Ron finding out just who had hexed me.

It seemed like the longest time before he turned around to face me. I have no idea why, but I really didn't want to see him angry with me as well. I asked Professor Snape if I could have some Dreamless Sleep Potion and he of course wanted to know why.

Why couldn't he just give it to me? It's not like I'd abuse it. I got all teary again, because I thought he was going to make me beg for the potion, but he just conjured up two chairs, sat quietly in a chair opposite mine, and ordered afternoon tea from the kitchen. Then he just watched me and didn't say a word for what seemed like the longest time.

What is it with him watching me? It's like he's trying to read my mind and I don't know which is worse, hexing me mistakenly or peering into my soul and upsetting me. I wish I had burst into tears and howled for the injustice of losing my parents to a madman who's never met me, doesn't know me and will never understand me. I cried, but not over that.

I'm stating the obvious, but at this point in time, I really don't care.

He asked me why I wanted the potion. I must have looked incredulous, because he backtracked pretty quickly and then told me the most amazing things; things that I'd never expected him to feel, nor voice to a mere student.

He told me that he wanted to tell his students about their losses, but that his tenuous position didn't allow for such sympathies to be voiced or generally known. He said he felt like he'd been grievously wounded and that all the intrigues were becoming more focused and malicious. He said he wanted to rage at the injustices that made a student seek solace and peace from a stone wall and that he couldn't understand how she could look so peaceful and accept his meagre offering of assistance.

He told me other more personal things and they touched me so much that my tears started again.

He made me cry, really cry and just sat there waiting until I'd settled down. Then he offered me a cup of tea and a slice of chocolate sponge, after I'd wiped my eyes.

I had to laugh. How absolutely absurd! I couldn't help myself and I still get the odd giggle when I think about it now. I cried in front of the one teacher I thought hated me. How wrong was I?

I never thought I'd say this, but I can't wait for my 'detention' this evening. He said I was quite capable of brewing my own Dreamless Sleep Potion and that he would expect me promptly at seven o'clock. He's even going to lend me one of his good cauldrons so that the potion isn't tainted.

About ten o'clock in the evening...

Well I had my 'detention' and Professor Snape allowed me to use his personal potions ingredients for the Dreamless Sleep. I kept looking at him every so often as he sat at his desk...marking I think. He is so methodical in his movements and he gets the most wicked grin before he slashes at some poor student's work. It's like a perverse form of entertainment for him; sort of like finding entendres in everyday conversation.

Despite countless opinions otherwise, I think he really enjoys teaching.

I was about halfway through the potion when Professor McGonagall showed up with a large bottle of Muggle Scotch. She closed the classroom door behind herself, stopped to talk to me briefly, then as she was about to talk to Professor Snape, Draco Malfoy just walked into the classroom without knocking and left the door wide open.

He leered at me like he always does, and then looked directly at Professor McGonagall with a sneer on his face. She was looking at him strangely and she looked really pale, almost as though she was going to faint. I saw her stiffen up and look really shocked and frightened when she saw Lucius Malfoy swagger into the classroom. I thought the wards would have kept him from entering the school.

She handed over the Scotch to Professor Snape with a nod and a smile, then turned again to face Malfoy Senior, crossed her arms and almost looked like she was daring him to try something.

Professor Snape dismissed me curtly, but kept the pretext of 'detention', by telling me I had to come back in an hour and finish the potions for the Infirmary. Professor McGonagall put her arm around me; looked strangely wistful as she stared at Professor Snape, and then skirted around both Malfoys with a steely look on her face. She didn't say anything, but I could feel how tense she was.

She didn't say anything to me until we were well away from the dungeons. She told me that if I ever found myself in trouble, Severus Snape was my best protection.

There goes another childish belief, as they obviously don't hate each or other. There's something else going on...

I wonder what it is?