Harry Potter and Something or Other

Chapter Three

By Hary

Authors Note: We have noticed, in between writing our masterpiece, that the small (and reeeeeally crappy) fics seem to get the most attention. Now why is that? Well, they're a quick read, and let's face it, everyone loves to belittle someone else anonymously. Wait, maybe that's just us. ^_^ (whoever's reading this is a git. Ha.) In any case, we've decided to take a turn with our writing, and so, we present to you (with much pride), the new format for Harry Potter and Something Or Other.

Hary was cool. He has blak heir. He also has a lihtning scare on his hed. Astrid sez Ron is sexy. Bad Astrid! (Bad Ron two! Heheh!) Fustu is a bich. (OH NO! That's not PG!) We ment Fustu is meen. We dun't lick her. (Astrid licks Ron. Wink wink, nuge, nuge. Heheh.) Won day Drako kiled Hary. By Hary. Fustu spit on his carkus. Ron cride. Astrid mad him feel beter. Heheh. The end.

Now, was that a work of genius, or what? I mean, honestly people, that should get us quite a lot of reviews. Such as:

Yes, Fustu is a bich.

Or:

U bastards! I wright fics lick that! They R so GUD! So scrue U!!!!

Or:

U R SO FUNNY! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOLOLOLOLOL! MORE!

Or, our personal favourite:

This story is crap. Go to Hell. And burn there.

I think we will. Thanks. Oh, and enjoy the ACTUAL chapter three. (It's not much better than the fake one. :P)

The REAL Chapter Three - Wrath of the Pickleweasel

(Yup, that REALLY is the title.)

Harry strode slowly down the hallway, keeping his eyes on the dull-grey stone floor beneath him, wondering what evil force had possessed Hogwarts as of late. Taking a moment longer to think about that, it really wasn't such a difficult question to answer. Fausta Darcy and Astrid Ackerley. He was going to a detention in Snape's dungeon because of them. He was going to a detention in Snape's dungeon ALONE because of them. Ron hadn't shown up ... after Potions class, he and Astrid had disappeared and he hadn't seen either one since. Just the thought of what they could be doing ... well, he tried not to think about that. What Ron saw in that nut ... well, he tried not to think about that either. He hadn't thought things could get much worse - after all the battles with Voldemort, dealing with Draco Malfoy daily and just managing to survive at the Dursley's, well, Harry couldn't have imagined anything odder than that. But with Ron always disappearing ... he had known how to deal with Voldemort - to some degree anyway - but Ron and Astrid? Harry was completely clueless.

He continued down the hallway, lost in his own thoughts. He was so absorbed, in fact, that he managed to step into one of the false steps on the way to the dungeon ... he hadn't done that since forth year when he was sneaking down to Professor Snape's office to see why Barty Crouch was sneaking around ... or Barty Crouch Jr., rather.

"Oh ... bother," Harry muttered, taking a moment to tone down his language in case a teacher might be listening in.

"Got yourself in a spot of trouble, have you, Potter?" the one voice Harry didn't want to hear at that moment rang out.

"I'm fine, Astrid," Harry said, trying not to sound absolutely dismal.

"All right then, I'll just be on my merry way!" Astrid grinned as she appeared in Harry's line of sight and continued down towards the dungeon, "you might want to remind Ron he has detention with you, when you see him."

"He's not with you?" Harry asked, sounding more surprised than he would have liked to.

"Well, I don't see him, do you?" Astrid snorted and continued on her way.

"You worried about him or something?" Harry asked with what could be interpreted as a grin.

"Where ever would you get such a preposterous idea!?" Astrid demanded, turning swiftly on her heel, to face Harry, and placing her hands angrily on her hips.

"You're very disagreeable," Harry stated flatly, quickly becoming bored with this, and also worried about being late for Snape's detention.

"Oh, you're such a charmer, Potter," Astrid rolled her eyes and trod up the stairs again to help Harry out of the trick step.

"What're you doing here, anyway? I thought Snape said you couldn't come for detention," Harry almost grinned again, at this idea, casting a weary glance at Astrid.

"Extra credit assignment," Astrid said vaguely, suddenly looking quite shifty.

"Oh," Harry said simply as the two began down the steps.

"Oh, all right, if you're really going to press me ... you're such a bother, Potter," Astrid said, sounding just a little bit annoyed, but all the same quite pleased with herself, "I - "

"Actually, I didn't a- "

"I mean, if you REALLY want to know. I've come down to watch Professor Snape," Astrid said, smiling a little too pleasantly.

"To what?" Harry asked, quite confused.

"Deaf or dumb, Potter? Little bit of both? I understand. Toooooo waaaaatch hiiiiiiiiim," Astrid repeated, speaking very slowly so that Harry would be able to hear her.

"Watch him do what exactly?" Harry asked, not sure he really wanted to know.

"I don't know. Do Snapey things," Astrid shrugged, hugging herself, glancing innocently up at the ceiling.

It took a moment for the realization to hit Harry ... but when it did, he literally jumped back against the wall, pressing himself against the stone, a horrified look on his thin face.

"YOU LIKE SNAPE!? That's ... that's ... DISGUSTING!" Harry yelled, completely and utterly appalled. Astrid, for the first time since Harry had met her, went beet red and immediately began trying to silence him.

"He might HEAR you!" Astrid hissed.

"Oh yeah, that would be a shame! He might be even MORE frightened of you!" Harry sputtered, edging himself slowly away from Astrid, sticking close to the wall.

"Aw come on, Harry ... I've just shared something beautiful with you ... " Astrid grinned her trademark, insane grin.

"I wish you hadn't," Harry said flatly, before an odd feeling lurched his stomach ... he stood staring at her for a long moment before he finally asked yet another question he REALLY didn't want to know the answer to, "Does Ron know?"

"Well ... it really depends on your definition of ... Ron ... I mean, er, knowledge. Yes, that's what I meant ... I mean, you know, it's hard to ... complicated ... ER ... Potter, wait here while I get my wand," Astrid nodded and began searching her pockets for her wand.

"I'm going to be late for detention," Harry said quickly and jogged off towards Snape's office, ignoring Astrid's yells behind him.

"I have students coming to detention, Eichmann, get out of here," Harry heard Snape hiss as he neared the dungeon.

"I just wanted to visit my old friend, Severus. There aren't so many people who have as much in common as we do," a voice Harry hadn't heard before followed - he could only assume this was "Eichmann".

"Subtle. Very subtle," Snape muttered sarcastically before Harry heard the opening of a door.

"WEASLEY! WHAT WERE YOU DOING EAVESDROPPING?" Snape demanded after a moment and Harry shook his head, giving out an exasperated moan.

"That boy's a bad influence," Astrid said sounding mildly amused.

Harry just gave her a mildly annoyed look and continued towards the dungeon, pausing to watch as a rather thin man with orangey-red hair, freckles and large blue eyes walked past. Harry couldn't help but think the man could easily pass for a member of the Weasley household.

The man paused to regard Harry, his eyes inevitably landing on Harry's lightening-bolt scar and he gave out a small "Eep" before running off towards the staircase.

"That was ... interesting," Harry commented, not quite sure what to think of that.

"He's cute ... " Astrid commented with a grin as Harry gave her an absolutely appalled look.

"Who's cute?" Ron asked, appearing from around the corner Eichmann had come.

"You are, sweetheart!" Astrid blurted out quickly, causing Ron to turn a bright shade of scarlet.

"Sweetheart?" Harry questioned, looking quite amused.

"ER ... I mean ... YOU FRECKLED GIT!" Astrid called, shoving Ron back against the wall, pausing a moment to give him an over-exaggerated wink before jogging off towards Snape's office. A rather loud groan told Harry and Ron that Astrid had met up with Professor Snape.

"What do you want?" Snape asked in distaste.

"I just wanted to get a bit of extra work in ... also thought I might watch Weasley and Potter for you, you work so very hard, Severus, dear, you really do deserve a break," Astrid said as Ron and Harry appeared around the corner.

"Did you treat your teachers at your old school like this?" Ron asked in a mix of curiosity, disgust and anger.

"Oh, the teachers at my old school weren't nearly this ... " Astrid paused to glance at Professor Snape who glared at her coldly.

"Finish that sentence and I'll have you thrown out of Hogwarts," Snape said coldly, flinging open the door to his office, "however, I must speak to Miss Darcy. I'll be back in 10 minutes, I shouldn't think that would be enough time for you to make a mess of things, Miss Ackerley."

"You'd think that, wouldn't you?" Astrid grinned and shook her head, pushing her way into Snape's office.

"Nearly this what?" Ron demanded as he also found his way into Snape's office.

Snape shook his head, sighed and glanced to Harry, looking as if he would rather impale himself on his own wand than say what he was about to.

"Make sure they don't do anything. ANYTHING," Snape said and turned to walk away when a crash rang out through the air.

"IT WAS LIKE THAT WHEN I GOT HERE!" Astrid yelled and then ran out to Snape, looking rather embarrassed.

"I'll keep a closer eye on Ron," she nodded and disappeared again, leaving an exasperated Snape standing dumbfounded in the hallway.

"No problem, Professor Snape," Harry said ... this was an odd feeling, for once, he and Snape actually agreed on something ... that was the benefit of having a common enemy.

"She was the best her school had to offer? Lord, I wouldn't want to see the rest of those idiots," Snape muttered before starting down the hallway to the Slytherin common room.

"All right ... stop whatever you're doing ... I'm coming in, and I don't want to walk in on anything ... questionable," Harry said, feeling a distinct churning his stomach as he moved towards the door.

"All right! Give us a minute! No ... they're on backwards again, Ron ... honestly, didn't your mother teach you how to dress?" Astrid called out, all very loudly.

"I'm going to have nightmares about that for the rest of my life," Harry shook his head, leaning up against the wall next to the door, wishing Astrid hadn't shown up.

* * * * *

"I'm sure Meph didn't mean to claw at your face, Draco ... he thought you were an intruder, didn't you Meph? Didn't you, pretty kitty? You probably scared him half to death! You awful thing! I'm going to tell Professor Snape you abused my poor kitten!" Fausta spouted, trying to suppress a smirk as she scratched her fluffy, black cat behind the ears.

"How is this my fault!?" Draco demanded, wincing and tenderly fingering the many claw marks running down his pale face.

"I liked it best when he screamed 'MY FACE!! MY BEAUTIFUL FACE!' " a second year Slytherin girl chortled as she passed, giving the cat an approving glance.

Draco had only to glance at Crabbe and Goyle before horrified screams rang out through the Slytherin common room.

"No sense of humor, Draco. Mar your 'beautiful face' and suddenly you have a stick up your - " Fausta dropped off as she heard someone enter the common room. All eyes turned towards the entrance, english muffins at the ready, just in case it was Astrid. However, when Professor Snape came striding into view, they quickly hid their muffins and watched him expectantly.

"Fausta, I'd like to have a word with you," Snape said as he approached Fausta and Draco. He did a double take as he looked at Draco's red face and shook his head with an exasperated sigh before walking back towards the entrance of the common room, Fausta following close behind him.

"You'll keep Malfoy company, won't you, dear Meph?" Fausta said with an evil grin as she tossed Meph towards Malfoy, who screamed in horror and launched himself towards the 7th year boys Slytherin dorm.

"What did you need, Professor?" Fausta asked when she and Snape had made their way out of the common room and down the hallway a few feet.

"I trust you remember the proposal you met me with?" Snape asked.

Fausta smirked, she could almost see Astrid's face at Snape using the word "proposal", she quickly wiped the smirk away and nodded.

"Of course, Professor, how could I forget?" she replied politely.

"You're quite sure you can handle Ackerley?" Snape asked, arcing a brow.

"I've been handling her over the past few days, Professor," Fausta replied once again, as if the whole event had been scripted for her and she was already sure of the outcome.

"Yes. That's why she's in my office right now doing God-knows-what to that Weasley boy ... " Snape muttered, more to himself than Fausta, "Very well. Keep Ackerley away from the boy. We'll start tomorrow, strictly on a trial basis, is that clear?"

"Crystal," Fausta smirked and turned back towards the common room.

"Oh, and Fausta?" Snape called after her, Fausta turned back with an arced brow.

"Sir?"

"Nothing ... it's nothing ... "

"Sir?"

"You don't think Ackerley would ... never mind," Snape said at last and turned quickly on his heel, running off down the hallway towards his office.

"Definitely Astrid's type," Fausta mused and turned back towards the Slytherin common room. This was definitely an interesting development. (If this were a really cheesy fic - and not just mildly cheesy, as it is - Fausta would burst into a fit of maniacal laughter right now ... can't you just see that? I can … then again, I picture Snape as being attractive. Yes. This is Astrid speaking ... bite me.) Fausta smirked, walking slowly down the hallway, feeling quite pleased with herself when she sensed someone walking up behind her. She sighed lightly, and without bothering to turn around, called out.

"Astrid, I'm not in the mood for this. Just get back to the common room, I was not hitting on Snape, for the last time, I would never even think of that, you can have him," Fausta said in an exasperated tone of voice before walking towards the common room once again.

"Well ... that's nice to know, but Severus isn't really my type. Too greasy," a voice Fausta didn't recognize rang out (yes, rang out again ... stuff really rings in Hogwarts ... it's a castle ... good acoustics ... I left my thesaurus at home, so sue me!)

Fausta immediately turned beet red and swung around to see the man that could have passed for a Weasley standing there in front of her ... of course, she hadn't been there the first time we introduced this character, but there's really no point in describing him all over again since you, the reader, already know what he looks like - that would just be a waste of space ... not that this isn't really a waste of space, but that's beside the point! You've made me lose my train of thought now ... where was I?

Fausta immediately turned beet red and swung around to see the red-haired, freckled man standing there looking rather amused. He gave Fausta a quick little bow, his periwinkle robes swirling around him as he returned to his full height. (Authors Note: PERIWINKLE! HA! That is like ... the best word ever! Who cares what color that is, its PERIWINKLE. ^_^ Oops, sorry, our conversations are leaking into the writing. Just wanted to add some other cool words. Weasel. Pickle. Pickleweasel ... oh man, I am so funny! Okay, back to Fausta and Eichmann. Damn ... pickleweasel ... )

"Oh, I'm so sorry, I thought you were Astrid ... " Fausta blushed, apologizing profusely as she tried to avert her eyes from the man, as it was hard to look at him since his robes and hair clashed so badly.

"I should hope so," the man mused and held out his hand to her, "Professor Eichmann, I've signed on as Hogwarts new dueling teaching and I'm looking for Fausta Darcy, perhaps you could help me?"

"Why are you looking for the incomparable, Miss Darcy?" Fausta asked, smirking a little and narrowing her eyes at the new Professor.

"It would appear I've found her," Professor Eichmann grinned, crossing his freckled arms over his thin chest.

"A keen observation," Fausta replied in a somewhat icy tone, though she was careful to watch herself around a teacher. She was still quite embarrassed by the fact she had assumed Professor Eichmann to be Astrid.

"Most definitely Fausta Darcy," Eichmann repeated, laughing a little to himself.

"My reputation precedes me?" Fausta asked, sounding almost amused herself.

"It most certainly does, and is precisely the reason I have sought you out, Miss Darcy," Eichmann responded, still sounding quite amused by the whole situation.

"No autographs, please," Fausta smirked for a moment, then looked utterly appalled as she realized that was something Astrid was quite likely to say.

"I need a partner with which to demonstrate the finer arts of dueling," Eichmann continued, completely ignoring Fausta's remark, "I couldn't have hoped for anyone more qualified - I understand you competed in national competitions in Canada."

"Won national competitions in Canada, Professor Eichmann. There is a distinct difference," Fausta replied icily -- apparently Eichmann's boost to her ego hadn't warmed her to him any.

"Well, I'll have to keep on my toes, won't I, Fausta?" Eichmann asked, unfazed by Fausta's blatant rudeness.

"I suppose so, Professor Eichmann," Fausta smirked and turned towards the Slytherin common room once again before calling over her shoulder, "do enjoy your stay at Hogwarts, Professor Eichmann, I understand new teachers don't tend to last very long. Look on the bright side though, you're not teaching Defense Against the Dark Arts ... "

* * * * *

"I'm not touching it ... you touch it," Ron said, looking wearily at a rather nasty looking jar of gooey-green-something-or-other. He glanced to Astrid who was currently sitting at Snape's desk, going through all the drawers.

"I'm not here for detention. Isn't that a laugh," Astrid grinned before continuing, "Just make Harry do it, Ron, dear," Astrid said offhandedly and continued to open drawer after drawer, flinging out all the contents.

"I think he's going to notice someone ransacked his office," Harry said quietly as he moved towards the jar Ron seemed so afraid of.

"What are you looking for anyway?" Ron asked sourly, wandering over to stand behind Astrid, peaking over her shoulder.

"Evidence," Astrid said vaguely, ignoring Harry all together as Ron placed his hands lightly on Astrid's shoulders, leaning forward to get a better look at what she was up to.

"WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING!?" Snape demanded, choosing the most inopportune moment to arrive back in his office.

"Looking through your desk, Severus, I should think that would be obvious enough," Astrid said, evidently deciding there was no way to get herself out of this one.

"First of all, you will refrain from calling me 'Severus', Miss Ackerley, it is a show of disrespect. And secondly, what are you doing looking through my desk!?" Snape demanded, eyes ablaze with anger as he took a warning step towards his desk.

"Looking for the asarabacca root, Professor Snape, dear," Astrid said, pleasantly enough as she opened another drawer and began sifting through it.

"Why, may I ask, were you looking for the asarabacca root, Miss Ackerley? That was Potter's assignment, I distinctly remember telling you not to help these two out," Snape frowned deeply and moved towards his desk, pulling out his wand.

"I need it for an Evomo Potion I'm working on," Astrid replied smoothly, continuing her search as Ron gripped her shoulders a little tighter, looking at Snape with wide eyes, wondering if Astrid had pushed him too far this time.

"An Evomo Potion? That raises several questions. Don't you think that's a little advanced for you, Miss Ackerley? And what did you intend to do with such a potent potion?" Snape asked, eyeing her carefully.

"I've been making Evomo Potions since 3rd year. It's kids stuff. And what I intend to do with it, well, I don't think you would approve, so I think I shan't answer on the ground that it might incriminate myself and others," Astrid grinned a little, sounding bored with the conversation as she pulled open another drawer.

"I think perhaps you should leave, Miss Ackerley," Snape said, trying to keep his tone calm and even, as he replaced his wand in his robes.

"But I wasn't finished yet ... " Astrid complained, glancing quickly up at Ron.

"I think you've done quite enough," Snape said with a frown.

"How did you know? Ron's robes aren't on backwards this time!" Astrid said with a grin, glancing to Ron once again, who turned a bright shade of red and ducked out of sight behind Harry.

"No, yours are. But that's beside the point - " Snape hissed, but stopped as he watched Astrid turn beet red and shuffle out of the room, looking almost as embarrassed as Ron ...

* * * * *

"I'll assume by your demeanor that you haven't heard yet," Fausta smirked as she watched Astrid appear in the Slytherin common room. This was perfect, she had hoped Professor Snape wouldn't get around to telling Astrid about Ron cleaning up the Slytherin common room. Perhaps he had wanted to keep it quiet - one couldn't be sure what kind of reaction you'd get from this news. The Slytherin students would most likely be furious. As for the other houses and the administration ... that wasn't much of a pleasant thought either.

"I'll indulge you, Fausta. Heard what?" Astrid sighed as she plopped herself down in an empty chair next to Fausta, nearly sitting on Meph before he jumped into Fausta's lap and hissed angrily at Astrid.

"Professor Snape has agreed to let Ron clean the common room ... no doubt you know what this means," Fausta smirked, stroking Meph like an evil genius.

"Oh Lord ... not in the mood for this, Fausta, really, I'm not," Astrid frowned and picked herself up out of the seat, moving towards the 7th year girls dorm.

"Oh Astrid ... whatever is the matter?" Fausta asked, feigning concern.

"Nothing you'd understand," Astrid said flatly, knowing this would get on Fausta's nerves more than anything else, seeing as Fausta knew EVERYTHING.

"Try me," Fausta replied, sounding none-to-pleased.

"Bite me," Astrid replied, mocking Fausta's tone of voice.

"Isn't that dear Ron's job?" Fausta asked coolly, smirking ever-so-slightly.

"I can make a special exception in your case," Astrid said with an obnoxious smile before turning back to the dorms and disappearing out of sight.

"Oh no, Astrid. This won't do. This won't do at all," Fausta shook her head, a determined look on her face as she stood up and moved towards the dorm herself, when several Slytherin girls appeared from the dorms, eyes fixed on Fausta. Before any of them could speak, a yell came from the dorms behind them.

"HEY! THOSE ENGLISH MUFFINS ARE GETTING A LITTLE STALE NOW! CAN'T YOU GET SOMETHING FRESHER! OW!! STOP IT! OW!!!! WHO THREW THAT!? YOU'RE MINE MALFOY!"

Evil, maniacal laughter followed this statement, and Fausta had to cringe a little as she continued towards the dorms, seemingly unfazed by the other girls icy glares.

"Stay away from Malfoy," Pansy Parkinson hissed, pounding her fist menacingly into her hand.

"Come again? I must be hearing things, I could have sworn you just told me to stay away from Malfoy," Fausta laughed, obviously amused by the very idea.

"You heard me! Stay away from Malfoy!" Pansy repeated, narrowing her eyes at Fausta.

"Oh, it's not that simple, Pansy," Fausta hissed right back at her, hand moving for her wand.

"Well, maybe we can help you simplify it," Pansy retorted.

"Think of that one yourself, did you Pansy?" Fausta asked, glancing around at the other girls, "I had no idea Draco had such a large fan club."

"DRACO'S MINE!" Pansy yelled, whipping her wand out, aiming it at Fausta and ... flying back against the wall. She lay there in a heap with several of the other Slytherin girls before getting up to see who had done the damage. In the doorway to the boys dorm stood Draco Malfoy, wand out in front of him.

"No one messes with your girlfriend, eh Malfoy?" Astrid said with an evil grin as she appeared from the girls dorm, apparently, she had been watching the whole thing.

"I have been waiting so long to do this," Malfoy said, turning his wand on Astrid.

"You'll have to wait a little longer, Mr. Malfoy," Snape said, appearing in the common room. All eyes turned on him and Astrid let out an over-exaggerated, frightened wail.

"Oh thank the Lord you got here in time, Severus! He was going to do awful things to me!" Astrid cried as she ran towards Snape and latched her arms around his waist, burying her face in his chest.

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" Snape practically screamed, flinging himself around the room in an attempt to dislodge Astrid, Malfoy didn't think he'd ever seen Snape look so frightened.

"Oh, yes, not in front of the others, I understand," Astrid said, giving Snape an over-exaggerated wink before moving back towards the girls dorms.

"What are you doing here, Professor?" Pansy finally piped up, hoping she wouldn't be getting into any trouble.

"I heard this commotion all the way from my office! What is the meaning of this?" Snape demanded, glaring at all in attendance.

"Well, you see sir - " Astrid began, but Snape quickly cut her off.

"I don't want to hear your twisted version of events, Ackerley. Someone with a little sense - what happened!?" Snape demanded again and Astrid looked a little crushed.

"Fausta and Draco attacked me!" Pansy shrieked.

"I said someone with a little sense, Miss Parkinson," Snape said dryly, looking now at Fausta, "Would you care to explain, Miss Darcy."

"Well, Pansy and her friends seemed to have claimed possession of a certain Mr. Malfoy," Fausta smirked, glancing back at them, pausing before she continued, but Snape cut her off.

"I think that's all I need to hear. All of you, get back to your dorms. Weasley will clean this up tomorrow night. No one will hear of this, understood?" Snape said through gritted teeth, obviously not wanting to have to take points from his own house.

"Well, with that scream you let out, I don't see how anyone could have missed it, Severus," Astrid shrugged a little, glancing down at the heap of Slytherin girls.

"I thought we had a discussion about that, Miss Ackerley," Snape reminded her.

"Discussion about what, Severus?" Astrid asked innocently.

"Never mind ... why do I even bother?" Snape muttered before disappearing from the room, leaving the group to sort things out themselves ...

* * * * *

"Did you hear? Astrid Ackerley went nuts last night and went on a rampage in the Slytherin common room! Took out Pansy Parkinson and almost got Snape! Did you hear him scream last night?" rumors were flying once again around Hogwarts and it was all Fausta could do to sit there and not go on a rampage herself.

Astrid hadn't shown up to breakfast yet, but Fausta couldn't blame her - these rumors were even worse than the ones going around after they had apparently found Astrid in the Gryffindor common room.

A hushed murmur fell over the room as the girl of the hour made her triumphant entrance into the room. She sauntered towards the Slytherin table, bowing and curtseying here and there, blowing out kisses to anyone who'd give her a second glance before she hopped on top of the Slytherin table to take a flamboyant bow, before she was beat down by a barrage of English muffins.

"Ever the showman," Fausta mused as Astrid feel into a seat next to her, batting away the English muffins that still flew at her. She paused for a moment to stand up once again, looking around with an angry glare.

"HEY! THAT WAS A SAUSAGE!" she yelled and plopped herself down again, glancing to Fausta with a shrug.

"You got off easy, Ackerley," Malfoy glared at her across the table and it became painfully obvious that he was quite angry about not being able to put Astrid in her place last night.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you didn't like me, Malfoy," Astrid grinned a little and helped herself to some scrambled eggs.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you had a brain in that empty head of yours," Malfoy retorted, still glaring at Astrid.

"Oh, the burn," Astrid rolled her eyes, picked up her plate and began moving towards the Gryffindor table.

"What is she doing?" Malfoy asked, eyes widening in absolute disgust as Astrid seated herself next to Ron at the Gryffindor table, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING, ACKERLEY! SLYTHERIN ONCE HAD HONOR!! GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!"

"That will be quite enough, Draco," Fausta sighed and yanked him down into his seat.

"But she's making us look bad! She's making you look bad! She's making me look bad!" Draco sputtered, his face going red.

"You're doing a fine job of that yourself, Draco," Fausta shook her head, glancing over at the Gryffindor table - everyone but Ron had moved down several seats to get away from Astrid, she didn't seem to notice.

"I'm glad I always have you here to lower my self-esteem," Malfoy snorted, glancing over at the Gryffindor table himself, "she's even making them look bad!"

"Attention! Attention!" Albus Dumbledore called over the hall, and almost immediately everyone went silent, except, of course, for Astrid.

"No, I'm serious, Fausta told me she wants to have like, a million of Malfoy's babies! Oh, sorry, are we all being quiet now? Don't mind me!" Astrid chirped, glancing around.

"Thank you, Miss Ackerley," Dumbledore said, his eyes sparkling with amusement as he glanced towards Fausta and Malfoy, seeing they were both turning six shades of red, "I have an announcement that should interest you all," Dumbledore began, glancing out over the hall to make sure he had everyone's attention.

"It is time, once again, for Hogwarts' annual Iuvenesco Ball. Normally, this ball is restricted to graduating students only, as it is a celebration of the knowledge they have acquired at Hogwarts. But this year, we will be opening the Ball to students of younger years, if they are invited by graduating students.

"As I'm sure you know, this Ball is an opportunity for you to display your skills and talents for your fellow students, and your parents. I'm sure this will be a very exciting time for all of you, and more information will be given to you by your House leader." Dumbledore finished and seated himself once again at the teacher's tables.

"I've never heard of this Iuvensco Ball ... " Malfoy muttered, wondering what he had missed.

"Oh, well then, if the great Draco Malfoy hasn't heard of it, there must be something wrong," Fausta snorted, picking up her bag and starting out of the hall.

"Get back here so I can retort!" Malfoy yelled, running out of the hall after Fausta.

"DON'T LOOK SO DESPERATE, DRACO," Astrid yelled after him, "IT'S ALL RIGHT, SHE ALREADY WANTS YOU ANYWAY!"

"YOU'RE DEAD ACKERLEY!" Malfoy yelled, but continued out of the hall anyway.

"My work here is done," Astrid grinned and picked up her books, starting off after her housemates ...