Harry Potter and Something or Other

Harry Potter and Something or Other

Chapter One

Screams of Agony

The scarlet red Hogwart's Express sped across the landscape at a startling speed. The landscape whipped past in a blur of green and blue ... and the occasional bit of brown and gray - those were houses and buildings and such, but that's really off topic, so we'll get back to the matter at hand. Which I seem to have forgotten. Oh yes! The train! Speeding across the landscape. At a startling speed, no less. But I've already mentioned that, haven't I?

"HARRY'S NOT GOING TO DIE!" Hermione screamed over at Ron in exasperation and Harry turned scarlet, sure that everyone on the train could hear the argument by this point.

"YES HE IS! SOMETHING BAD ALWAYS HAPPENS! And this is our last year! Harry's doomed! And we're probably doomed too, just for being associated with Harry ... no offence Harry," Ron added quickly, flushing a little himself as he glanced over at Harry.

"Oh ...none taken," Harry said hesitantly and glanced longingly towards the door of the cabin.

"Ron, you're being a git," Hermione stated flatly, "as usual." She added quickly before Ron could get a word in edgewise.

"I think I'm going to go ... away ... from you two," Harry muttered and moved towards the door, wondering why they had to discuss his mortality in front of him.

"HARRY! BE CAREFUL!" Ron screamed, and was immediately on his feet, running after his friend.

"Are you sure you're 17 Ron, honestly, you're acting like a 5 year old," Hermione muttered irritably as she got up herself and followed the two out of the cabin.

"Er ... you know, the point of leaving the cabin was ... " Harry couldn't force himself to continue - Ron and Hermione were his best friends after all, even if they didn't act like it all the time.

"Harry, don't be stupid. We can't let you wander about on the train by yourself - " Hermione began but was swiftly cut off by Ron.

"Yah, Malfoy's probably skulking around, or something worse, I mean ... it always starts on the train ... first year we ran into Malfoy and his goons, second year they bothered us again and I don't need to remind you about the Dementors and your fainting spell third year," Ron chattered on, but Harry was barely listening to him.

"RON! You're horrible, you don't need to bring up things like that! We're in our seventh year, that's far behind us now," Hermione scolded and flicked a smudge of dust off of her "Head Girl" badge.

"Oh, not that piece of junk again," Ron muttered, glancing over to Harry, "watch, here she goes into another speech about hard work and perseverance."

"You'd do well to listen to me, RON," Hermione glanced sharply to him before shrieking as Ron ripped the "Head Girl" badge from her robes and ran off down the corridor with it.

"YOU BRING THAT BACK RIGHT NOW, RONALD WEASLEY, OR YOU'LL BE SORRY!" Hermione screeched and bolted after him.

Harry simply sighed and doubled back towards their cabin. This was NOT what he needed right now, with all the stress of their final year at Hogwarts, his friends were being complete idiots, just when he needed them the most.

"Watch were you're going, you idiot," the low hiss reached Harry's ears and he knew Ron and Hermione had run into someone unpleasant.

"S-sorry ... who're you?" Ron asked rather rudely as Harry joined them slowly. The scene was a mess, a girl Harry had never seen before - at least in her seventh year - was sitting on the ground, sopping with ice cold pumpkin juice. Ron had pushed himself to his feet a few meters away and Hermione had snatched her badge back and was glaring coldly at Ron.

"I," the girl began in a silky voice, sounding all too pleased with herself, "am Fausta Darcy. You'd do well to remember that name. I'm top girl from the prestigious Darcy Institute of Magic. That's right, Darcy Institute of Magic, my great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather started the exclusive school for North Americas finest witches and wizards. I'm as pure-blooded as they come. Doubt any of you can say that," she finished with a sneer, looking over the three as she pushed herself to her feet, and Harry decided at that moment that Fausta had to be the only person he had ever met who could look dignified while dripping with pumpkin juice.

"You talk a lot," Ron said with a sneer, deciding not to comment on the pure-blood remark, as he knew Harry and Hermione would have nothing to say in their defense.

"And you should not talk as much. You clearly have nothing intelligent to say," Fausta said as a light smirk twisted her lips.

Hermione, Ron and Harry were all about to burst out at this horrible girl when a peculiar sight distracted them all. Watching the whole scene was another girl none of them had seen before, about the same age, but the most peculiar thing about her ... was that she was watching them from her open door ... but her head was sticking out upside down from the top of the door.

"What's all this then?" she asked in a very bad, very over-exaggerated Cockney accent that made Harry cringe a little.

"You're upside down," Ron pointed out stupidly, obviously this was not a normal sight, even for a wizard. Hermione and Harry elbowed him in the ribs in hopes of getting him to stop making stupid comments.

"So are you," the upside-down girl giggled a little as she looked to the girl sopping with pumpkin juice, "last minute bath, love? Don't forget behind the ears. Kiss kiss," the girl grinned and disappeared from sight.

"Is she allowed to be upside down?" Ron asked before anyone else could say anything.

"Ron ... " Hermione said in mild exasperation, but decided that there wouldn't be much point in continuing.

"I'll expect you to pay for this robe, you insolent twit," Fausta sputtered, obviously not used to being ignored.

"Good luck there, soggy," Ron snorted and folded his arms over his chest in annoyance as the upside down girl reappeared behind Hermione, now right-side up and grinning wildly.

"Oh, she's got a shiny! Look Fausta! A shiny! Corking good fun that is, can Astrid have a look-see? She'll be careful, won't she Fausta? Vouch for your good friend Astrid, eh?" the girl prattled on as she peered over Hermione's shoulder, clawing the air with anxious fingers as she licked her lips and looked towards Hermione's "Head Girl" badge.

"Astrid ... stop being a moron and get back inside the cabin," Fausta said with exasperation, obviously not in the mood for the girls odd behavior. Hermione simply squeaked with fear and backed up against Harry, watching Astrid with wide eyes. Astrid giggled, obviously pleased with this reaction and hobbled over towards Fausta and tugged at her robes.

"Astrid's been a good girl today, let her have a run around, eh Fausta? Had her shots, oh yes, won't bite the nice girl with her shiny ... " Astrid giggled, looking to Hermione with wild eyes, obviously enjoying herself.

"Is she all right?" Harry asked uncertainly, eyeing the odd girl.

"No one appreciates a good performance! I'll be in my trailer!" Astrid snorted and disappeared into the cabin.

"She's a bit off," Ron said, still a little shaken by that experience.

"She just wants attention," Fausta said with narrowed eyes, quite angry the subject had been changed from her, once again, "now then, someone had better apologize for ruining my robes, or I'll have Astrid make things very hard for you," Fausta smirked lightly and motioned back towards the cabin. There was a scream of terror, as if on cue, from inside the cabin, followed by maniacal laughter.

"ASTRID! BE QUIET!" Fausta screamed and the laughter died off abruptly, she turned back towards Harry, eyeing him carefully, as if considering him.

"Her? What, are you mad? She couldn't turn a match into a needle on her best day! She's off her rocker!" Ron piped up and laughed at the prospect of the clearly mad girl doing any damage.

"You of all people should look a little deeper than outward appearances," Fausta began with a smirk as she looked Ron over disapprovingly, "I have been informed that Astrid was to be Head Girl at her prior school."

"That nut? And who told you that, her?" Ron said between fits of laughter.

"I'd hold my tongue if I were you. We're here by very special order, Astrid and I," Fausta said, relishing these words, but not bothering to explain anymore, she enjoyed having information these people didn't, she felt it gave her power over them.

"Special order?" Harry finally piped up, suddenly keenly interested in what Fausta had to say. She was intolerable, but if he had to deal with her for the next year, he at least wanted to know why.

"Astrid and I were selected as the top students from our respective schools to represent our institutions at Hogwarts this year. The best of the best, Potter," Fausta smirked as she looked to Harry and it became clear to Harry that EVERYONE knew his name, no matter where they were from.

"She came from a school? More like a mental institution," Ron said, bursting into a fit of laughter again, even as Astrid appeared at the doorway.

She glanced to Fausta, who nodded curtly, and then returned her gaze to Ron, a small smile spreading across her thin lips. She steepled her fingers, peering at Ron with strangely warm brown eyes that hid behind thick, black rimmed glasses.

"Ron, was it?" she asked politely, the odd accent barely there anymore.

"W-what are you gonna do?" Ron asked, suddenly scared by the girl's sudden change in demeanor.

"Filled with accusations, this one ... you're not paranoid if they're really out to get you, dear Ronny," Astrid said in a sugary tone that made Ron's stomach lurch.

"Ron, maybe we'd better get back to our cabin," Hermione said uneasily.

"Afraid of a nut? Why, I couldn't turn a match into a needle on my best day. Nothing to fear from good, old, Astrid, love," Astrid said in the same, smooth tone.

"Just stop it, all right?" Hermione hissed, taking a step towards Astrid.

"Boo," Astrid said, a grin creeping slowly onto her lips.

"It's not funny, just stop it," Hermione repeated, obviously not amused with Astrid's odd behavior.

"Leave them Astrid. Not worth our time," Fausta sneered and turned towards the cabin herself.

"But Ron and I are having fun. Aren't we Ronny?" Astrid grinned and took a step towards him, crossing her arms over her chest.

"You're a looney," Ron said with wide eyes as he took a quick step back.

"Appearances can be deceiving ... don't judge a book by it's cover, and all that nonsense, eh Fausta?" Astrid glanced towards Fausta who was now standing at the door of their cabin.

"No Astrid. You're a lunatic. Now leave them be, you've proved your point." Fausta sighed, sounding quite exhausted by her friend.

"And I didn't even turn any of them into slugs. That's a first for me," she grinned happily and turned towards her cabin before a silky voice caused her to jump a little.

"Fausta, met Potter already, have you?" Malfoy's grinning face appeared from a cabin a few doors down from them.

"HARRY POTTER!? BLIMEY! WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME!" Astrid called and turned quickly towards Harry who was trying to inconspicuously move behind Ron.

"Who's your friend, Fausta?" Malfoy asked, slightly amused by the girl's antics. Astrid had now positioned herself beside Harry and had her arm clamped around him with surprising strength, she was looking up and down the corridor before yelling at the top of her lungs,

"ANYONE GOT A CAMERA! I'VE GOT HARRY POTTER HERE! LORDY! MUM AND DAD WOULD NEVER BELIEVE! THE GREAT HARRY POTTER, CRIKEY!" Astrid screamed before stopping at Fausta's disapproving glare.

Harry was beet red by this point and couldn't help but remember Ron's words as he sank back against the wall, feeling he could die of embarrassment at any moment.

"Not going to introduce us, Fausta? She's charming, really," Malfoy smirked, turning his gaze once again on Astrid, who had released Harry and was moving towards him. She gave a flamboyant bow as she reached him and glanced up at him with a wink.

"Astrid Abigail Aura Attylehn Aidan Anne Aurora Allyson Abigail - wait, I said that one - Ackerley, pleased to make your acquaintance," she spouted on, then glanced to Fausta, wondering if anyone had noticed she was just making that up as she went along, "Fausta has told me so much about your great family lineage, and your wealth, yes, your great wealth, and your good looks, Fausta, you didn't tell me he was THIS handsome, I mean, you said blindingly gorgeous, but to downplay it so much, I mean honestly -" Astrids mouth kept moving but no sound came out anymore, though she didn't seem to notice.

"What did you do that for, Fausta? She was just getting to the good part," Malfoy smirked, looking over at a beet red Fausta.

"Unfortunately, Draco, she's a compulsive liar, so I wouldn't believe a word she says," Fausta said, though she was still a bright shade of scarlet. Astrid continued to speak, as if she couldn't hear anything either as she circled Draco, apparently commenting on his fine attire.

"You know Malfoy!? I should have guessed," Ron muttered and received another elbow to the stomach from Hermione for being an idiot.

"Of course she knows Malfoy, only associates with the best, isn't that right Fausta! And what a lovely shade of blue you're wearing, Mr. Malfoy, compliments your eyes in such a loverly manner, why it's simply BREATHTAKIN'!" Astrid began speaking again, and stopped making noise just as quickly.

"You're becoming quite adept at Silencing Charms," Malfoy couldn't help but allow himself a little grin.

"Have to with her around," Fausta said with a light frown, motioning towards Astrid.

"Right good friend you are! Why, I never! Lovely robes there, Malfoy! Fausta, I don't know WHY I put up with you! And that HAIR Malfoy! What do you use? Fausta, I swear, one of these days you'll find yourself a newt! You British boys, so well kept, such fine little gentlemen, well, not ALL of you, I suppose," Astrid began speaking again, and motioned to Ron as she finished, though she was grinning.

"I'll show YOU - " Ron began, but stopped as Astrid grabbed him by the front of his robes and began dragging him towards her cabin.

"Come on Ron, let's leave stunning Mr. Malfoy and Fausta to their discussion, we'll have some fun, you and I - " Astrid chirped happily as she dragged him inside the cabin and shut the door quickly. Yells of protest could be heard for several moments before Ron had, apparently, been silenced himself.

Harry and Hermione exchanged scared glances before edging back towards their own cabin, deciding not to take their chances with Astrid. Who knew what she could be doing to Ron? ... who WANTED to know what she was doing to Ron?

"You have such charming friends," Malfoy smirked at Fausta, obviously feeling quite superior at that moment.

"And you as well, 'Crabbe' and 'Goyle' is it, Malfoy? I should think you know better, I choose my friends very carefully," Fausta smirked and turned towards the cabin before reconsidering, not really wanting to know what Astrid had in mind either, though she could hear a faint 'behave Ron! Come on Ronny!' coming from inside that quickly made her decide she'd rather stay and take her chances with Malfoy.

"So, blindingly gorgeous, Fausta?" Malfoy said as he strolled towards his cabin, trying to suppress a look of disgust, and Fausta decided he could hear Astrid as well. She followed after him thankfully, though still flushed a little, despite her best efforts and shrugged.

"It can never hurt to have connections, Malfoy, besides you never really can take Astrid seriously," Fausta said curtly and suddenly turned towards her cabin, a look of dread on her face.

"What is it Fausta? Suddenly gotten a little jealous? Have you got it for little Mr. Weasley too?" Malfoy said with a soft snigger and a light smirk, which instantly disappeared when Fausta fixed a cold glare on him.

"Mephistopheles is in there with those lunatics," Fausta hissed in one of the only moments of actual concern she had ever displayed.

"I'm sure he'll be fine. Honestly Fausta," Malfoy frowned deeply and turned towards his own cabin, wondering where Crabbe and Goyle were.

A high pitched "MRRRRROOOOOOWR!!!!" rang through the air, followed by a boy's voice yelling "GET THE BLOODY THING OUT OF HERE!" and Fausta immediately turned white as a sheet. Seconds later, a lithe black cat was flung out into the hallway and nearly hit the opposite wall.

"BLOODY MONSTER! WE'RE BUSY!" Astrid roared and slammed the door behind her. Fausta, if it was possible, turned even whiter at the thought of what Astrid and Ron might be doing, and decided not to try and figure out whether her friend was actually doing what she thought she might be, or if she was just trying to draw attention to herself.

Fausta turned to see Malfoy turning a bright shade of red and looking mildly shocked.

"Well. That's. Yes," Malfoy said and turned towards his cabin once again as Fausta stooped to pick up her cat, which look rather agitated.

"Stupid Astrid ... I don't even want to know what she's doing," Fausta paused and looked down at the cat for a brief moment, "did you see anything?"

The cat closed it's eyes quickly, as if saying it were too painful for words and Fausta quickly began stroking her beloved pet, feeling quite bad about the whole affair.

"Never liked Astrid much anyway, did you Meph?" she cringed a little, wondering what had brought about this odd behavior in Astrid, seeing as she had spent the entire trip - up until they were interrupted by Ron and Hermione - complaining about how the boys at her old school had all been complete morons and how she'd never let herself like any boys at Hogwarts, "stupid git."

"I wish your friend hadn't called me handsome ... in there with Ron ... what an insult," Malfoy sneered and leaned up against the door to his cabin.

"YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING!" Fausta screamed immediately and then composed herself, "and besides, the only reason she said you were attractive is because I said it first." She smirked lightly.

Crabbe took this incredibly opportune moment to fling the door to the cabin open - Malfoy, who wasn't expecting this, went sprawling to the ground and turned a nice shade of scarlet before leaping to his feet and brushing himself off.

"CRABBE, YOU ABSOLUTE GIT!! NEVER DO THAT WHEN I'M TRYING -" he dropped off abruptly and looked back towards Fausta, immediately chuckling.

"Well. I'll see you at Hogwarts, Fausta. I hope to see in you in the Slytherin common room tonight. Leave your cat on the train, please," Malfoy smirked and disappeared quickly into his cabin, where screaming could be heard ceaselessly until they arrived at Hogwarts.

* * * * *

Harry and Hermione sat gazing at each other worrisomely across the cabin as they waited for some word from Ron. It had been nearly an hour and Ron was still gone.

"D'you think she's killed him?" Hermione asked timidly, glancing towards the door.

"Hermione ... are you sure you're 17?" Harry asked with a half grin.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hermione huffed, eyes glued to the door now.

"Never mind," Harry smiled pleasantly enough for the moment, before his smile became weighted with worry and he was looking towards the door with much the same expression as Hermione.

"Just about 10 minutes now!" a voice called from the corridor.

"D'you think she'll let him out when we get to Hogwarts?" Hermione asked in a very small voice once again.

"Hermione ... " Harry began again but stopped as the door began sliding open slowly. Harry and Hermione leapt to their feet and flung the door open to see Ron standing there, hair sticking up at odd angles, robe looking quite disheveled and a happy grin plastered on his scarlet face.

"Ron? Are you all right?" Hermione gasped, yanking Ron back into the cabin.

"Oh yeah," Ron breathed quietly, staring off in a daze.

"I don't even want to know," Harry said quietly, looking mildly disturbed as he peaked his head out the door to see a grinning Astrid leading Fausta back into their cabin, with some resistance.

"I DON'T WANT TO GO INTO THAT FOUL PLACE!" Fausta shrieked as Mephistopheles struggled frantically in her arms, trying to get at Astrid.

"It's really a very nice cabin ... very nice indeed," Astrid said, sounding oddly dazed as she pulled Fausta in, not seeming to notice as Meph clawed madly at her arm.

"If you tell me one detail, ONE DETAIL, I will make you suffer till the END OF TIME! DO YOU HEAR ME?" Fausta demanded, still struggling with Astrid.

"Oh silly Fausta! I just practiced some charms on him, finished with a memory charm and a giddiness charm and sent the little git on his way! Honestly, I didn't think I'd reel you in! Thought you were smarter than that!" Astrid said with a hearty laugh as Fausta eyed her suspiciously and followed her into the cabin.

"IT'S A BLOODY MESS! WHAT KIND OF CHARMS DID YOU PRACTICE ON THAT BOY - wait, don't tell me, I don't want to know," came the disgusted scream from the cabin, which was followed by embarrassed laughter.

"Forgot to clean up after that transfiguration backfired ..." Astrid said, still laughing a bit as she pulled out her wand.

"How stupid do you think I am?"

"You really don't want me to answer that,"

And then the door was closed, and they heard no more from the two girls.

* * * * *

They piled into their carriages to get to Hogwarts and though Ron thrashed madly to get to Astrid's carriage, Harry and Hermione held him back and forced him into their carriage.

"Do you figure she's worked some sort of mind control on him?" Hermione asked worrisomely, watching Ron as he sat sullenly in his seat before moving quickly towards the window, hoping to catch a glance of the other carriages.

"I hope so," Harry said blandly, watching Ron and shaking his head.

"I'm gonna get her ... no one gets away with that ... " Ron snarled and flung himself back into his seat, a sour frown on his face.

"What?" Harry asked quizzically, that was the last thing he had expected to hear from Ron.

"BLOODY WITCH CAST A SPELL ON ME!" Ron screamed and lunged as if he were going to rip the door off the carriage and run out after Astrid.

"What?" Harry repeated, eyeing Ron carefully, not sure whether he believed him or not.

"Couldn't say it before. She's nuts, she's bloody powerful, put some kind of nasty spell on me, sat there happily while I boiled inside! You should have heard the things she said Harry! Awful things!" Ron snarled, sounding almost convincing.

"Ron, watch your language," Hermione said finally, glancing at him irritably, "what kind of spell, Ron?"

"I dunno ... muttered it while I was trying to get away. Couldn't move, couldn't say a thing, just had to sit there happily. Should have seen her laughing," Ron glared bitterly at the memory.

"I've heard about that!" Hermione said instantly, "it's a sort of devotion spell! Oh Ron, that's simply awful! We'll have to keep you away from that dreadful girl!"

Ron opened his mouth as if to speak and instantly silenced himself, looking quickly towards the window. Hermione was looking at Ron with utter pity, but Harry wasn't so sure ...

* * * * *

"Ron Weasley, what a horrible name," Fausta said quickly, glancing to Astrid, hoping to catch her in some kind of lie.

"Ruddy little thing, ain't he? Wish you'd been there to see it, stupid little git couldn't say a word!" Astrid giggled evilly, glancing out the window for a long moment.

"Excepting, of course, when he demanded that my poor cat be flung out of the room," Fausta said smoothly, smirking at Astrid, sure she had caught her. Astrid looked immediately sour and glared at Fausta.

"Bloody monster, blocked my eye contact and started scratching at the twit. Had to throw him out or I wouldn't be able to get the information," Astrid smirked, deciding to leave it there, glancing towards the window AGAIN.

"Information?" Fausta asked, bored, obviously only asking because there was nothing else to talk about.

"I just set up a little charm in case we need anything from little Ronald Weasley ... like ... for instance ... the password to the Gryffindor Tower," Astrid smirked triumphantly.

"Enlighten me, Astrid. Why would we want to go to the Gryffindor common room?" Fausta said, quite frustrated with Astrid's vagueness.

"Oh, the possibilities are ENDLESS, dear Fausta! So many things can be done in Gryffindor Tower to prevent those twits from winning the House Cup this year. We both know we'll be Slytherins. Let's take back the glory, Fausta! Be house heroes!" Astrid said, eyes sparkling with an odd, insane anticipation.

"I'm sure that Slytherin can manage to win the house cup, DEAR ASTRID, without resorting to cowardly ways," Fausta said shortly, setting her cold, gray gaze on Astrid for a long moment, watching her flounder.

"You seem to be mistaking cowardice with stealth and cunning, Fausta ... besides, I'm sure there's something that would interest you in Gryffindor Tower ... the young Potter, perhaps?" Astrid gave Fausta a side-long glance, a slow smirk curling the corners of her lips, sure she had Fausta where she wanted her.

"I'm sure I'll be able to find someone quite suitable in house Slytherin," Fausta said shortly, scratching Meph behind the ears, concentrating on his soft purring, trying to ignore Astrid.

"Find someone for what purpose, my dear friend Fausta?" Astrid smirked, lacing her fingers together on her lap, feeling quite superior at that moment.

"I'm sure I needn't explain it to someone of your experience," Fausta replied coolly and the two spent the rest of their trip in silence.

* * * * *

"So, we'll then launch the cat over the wall, and be done with it," Malfoy said, rubbing his hands together eagerly as Crabbe and Goyle looked on in confusion.

"Why?" Crabbe said simply after a long moment.

"YOU INCREDIBLE DOLT! That cat is ... a monstrosity!" Malfoy said simply, falling back against the seat of the carriage as they hit a large bump. He let out a soft "oof", frowning sourly at Crabbe and Goyle who had made no attempt to help him.

"What's so bad about the cat?" Goyle asked, looking more confused than usual.

"I don't know why I bother," Malfoy muttered as he placed his hands over his face and closed his eyes, wishing for nothing more than the solitude of the Slytherin common room.

"You like Fausta?" Crabbe asked after a very long silence.

"What?" Malfoy squeaked, removing his hands from his face for a moment to look at Crabbe with utter disgust, "DRACO MALFOY LIKES NO ONE!"

Crabbe and Goyle exchanged quick glances and grins before nodding quickly to Malfoy.

"No one. Gotcha," they both said and they too, continued on in silence.

* * * * *

The first years stood in a line in front of the Hogwarts staff and students, looking horribly uncomfortable. The Sorting was always a stressful time, as no one ever knew what to expect the first time they came to Hogwarts. Harry Potter remembered thinking they might have to pull a rabbit out of the sorting hat, and Ron Weasley remembered thinking that they'd have to wrestle a troll - of course, that was just was his older brothers, Fred and George had told him.

Fausta stood against the door to the main hall and Astrid sat on the floor, staring up at her with a wide grin. Fausta had firmly refused to stand with the first years to be sorted, and so Astrid had immediately taken a stand as well, and both were now waiting to be called in.

"We have some very special circumstances tonight. Two new students will be joining us, all the way from Canada -"

"Canada? What's with the Cockney accent?" Hermione muttered across to Ron, who just shot her a dirty look and tried to listen closer to Dumbledore as he continued.

"They have been chosen to represent their schools at Hogwarts, which, as you all know, has garnered a reputation for being the foremost in wizard education," Dumbledore paused to look at a piece of parchment in front of him.

"So, first we will welcome Astrid Ackerley to be sorted. She joins us from the Potter Academy for the Wizarding Arts," Dumbledore said and motioned towards the door for Astrid to come in, but all eyes were on Harry, who was beet red.

"Didn't know you ran a school, Potter," Malfoy's voice could be heard from the Slytherin table and sniggers followed as Astrid crept slowly into the hall, glancing around in paranoia. She stopped dead in her tracks when she spotted Malfoy, and a grin instantly blossomed on her lips.

"DRACO! LOVELY TO SEE YOU AGAIN, LOVE! THE LIGHTS SHIMMER IN YOUR GORGEOUS GREEN EYES AND REFLECT BACK LIKE MUGGLE TRAFFIC LIGHTS!" Astrid yelled and then looked back out of the main hall, "WAS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED ME TO SAY, FAUST - " again Astrid's lips kept moving but no sound came out as laughter roared through the hall and Malfoy turned beet red.

"HIS EYES ARE BLUE!" Pansy Parkinson called out, barely audible over the laughter, which caused the sound to double as Astrid moved towards the Sorting Hat.

"That's quite enough," Dumbledore said firmly, casting a warning glance in Astrid's direction, causing her to smile angelically and give a deep bow.

She then moved towards the Sorting Hat and picked it off the stool, seating herself graciously and setting the hat atop her head, which instantly feel over her eyes, nearly knocking her glasses off.

"Gryffindor? You? You've got to be kidding me!" a small voice peeped in her ear. Astrid looked quite sour as she gave the hat a poke, thinking 'I'd make excellent Gryffindor material!'

"Best laugh I've had in ages!" the voice replied and people started whispering as they saw the hat shaking on Astrid's head.

'Oh, stop that, all right. It was a silly notion anyway,' Astrid thought with a soft sigh as the hat continued to laugh in her ear.

"IT WASN'T THAT FUNNY, YOU STUPID HAT!" Astrid found herself yelling, and people began whispering again, wondering what could be going on.

"Rudest hat I've ever met," Astrid said quickly and pulled the hat down a little lower, frowning sourly.

"You've got the brains to get into Ravenclaw, what do you think of that?" the voice whispered, surprisingly Astrid with it's sudden politeness.

'To be perfectly honest, I was thinking something along the lines of Slytherin,' Astrid thought, trying to sound glib in her mind.

"Slytherin, eh? Nasty lot, them," the hat said with mild amusement and then added, "you should fit in nicely. SLYTHERIN!" the hat called out and for a moment, everyone looked around unsure, before the Slytherin table started applauding madly, deciding it might be nice to have the likes of Astrid in their house.

Astrid leapt up, slammed the hat back on the stool and sprinted towards the Slytherin table, waving her hands in the air as if she had just won a marathon. She forcefully pushed Goyle aside and slammed herself down next to Malfoy, giving him an infuriating grin.

"You and me, Malfoy! You and me! Have I commented on your lovely robes, by the way?" Astrid began before Dumbledore motioned for silence once again.

"And from the Darcy Institute of Magic, Miss Fausta Darcy," Dumbledore said and most of the room went quiet to get a look at the girl who had apparently said those things about Malfoy.

Fausta glided gracefully into the room, glaring at anyone who would look at her, trying to retain some of her dignity, but, it was at that horrible moment that she realized she still had pumpkin juice stains all over her robes and her hair was a complete mess.

"They've sent us a sea-hag!" Pansy piped up, but was, a moment later, sneezing up spiders. She screamed at the top of her lungs and ran from the room as spiders poured from her nostrils, and even Fausta looked surprised. Only Astrid looked guiltily pleased with herself, as she clapped a hand on Malfoy's back.

"Nostramus arachnidae, was it Draco? I'll have to remember that one!" Astrid said in a hushed voice that wasn't hushed at all before Professor McGonagall was at the table, picking Malfoy up.

"That was NOT funny, Mr. Malfoy," she said curtly as she began dragging him out of the hall, Professor Snape following at her heels, looking horribly outraged, and like he was ready to kill Fausta, whom he was sure had charmed Pansy.

"Please, settle down, we still have more sorting," Dumbledore said with a deep frown, his eyes fixed on Astrid, though he didn't get his usual reaction, she simply grinned back at him before turning her eyes on Fausta to give her the thumbs up.

Fausta graciously took her seat and had barely placed the hat on her head when it screamed as loudly as anyone had ever heard "SLYTHERIN!!" Fausta smirked and placed the hat back on the stool, moving to sit next to Astrid so the feast could begin ...

* * * * *

The Sorting of the first years had gone much more smoothly than Astrid and Fausta's sorting, and the houses now sat eating and talking with their new students.

"What's your mother's name?" Astrid asked, grinning maniacally at a trembling little first year.

"W-why?" he asked quickly, looking around the table, but all eyes were on Astrid, wondering what she was going to say.

"I want to know who to mail the remains to," Astrid said, ever grinning as the little first year screamed at the top of his lungs and tore out of the hall. The entire table burst into laughter ... except for Fausta and Professor Snape.

"Honestly, Astrid, I'm quite ashamed. No challenge there what-so-ever," Fausta smirked and poked at her mashed potatoes disdainfully.

"Gotta get warmed up, don't I, love?" Astrid grinned and crammed a wad of Fausta's mashed potatoes into her mouth. Fausta gave her a disgusted look and pushed her plate away.

"What? You didn't look too keen on them - " Astrid began, but was cut off by Professor Snape.

"In the future, perhaps you'd like to 'warm up' on members of other houses," Snape said, his black eyes boring into her.

"Oh, but I've already warmed up on them!" Astrid said cheerfully, then stopped, mid-chew, mouth still full of mashed potatoes, "say ... you aren't ... the Professor Severus Snape, are you?"

"Don't try to butter me up, girl," Snape growled and looked back to his meal, looking infinitely annoyed that Astrid had been placed into his house.

"Oh, no, sir, wouldn't dream of it, I just have someone who's right keen to meet you, sir," Astrid grinned, hoping she would catch Snape's interest. But he seemed to be ignoring her, so she dug around in her pocket, and when Snape turned back from talking to another Slytherin girl, he found a rather large, black rat sitting on his plate, helping itself to a bit of his cheese.

"Astrid, get this vermin off my plate," Snape snarled, he didn't look nearly as surprised or disgusted as Astrid had hoped he would, and she looked at him with a hurt expression on her face.

"You shouldn't speak like that about your namesake," Astrid said softly, holding a hand out towards the rat, which happily ran to it and sat in it, taking the rest of Snape's cheese with it.

"My WHAT?" Snape demanded, clearly not amused.

"I present to you, Professor Severus Snape, his high ratiness, LORD SEVERUS ACKERLEY! Lord of the Fleas," she giggled ever so slightly and held up the rat to Snape who looked almost horrified.

"I am not amused, Miss Ackerley, I suggest you change it's name this instant," Snape snarled, finger quivering as he pointed it at her.

"Right sorry, he's taken to the name, and look, he's got your eyes!" Astrid squealed and hugged the little rat to her chest.

"THAT'S IT! DETENTION! OUT OF THE HALL, NOW! YOU'LL BE CLEANING THE TROPHIES TILL YOU'VE RUBBED THE FIRST LAYER OF METAL OFF!" Snape screamed and everyone stopped eating to turn and watch what was going on.

"Magic or no magic?" Astrid grinned, seeming unphased by this.

"NO MAGIC!" Snape screamed even more loudly this time, obviously as disappointed with her reaction as Astrid had been when he hadn't been disgusted by little Severus.

"Can I take an assistant?" Astrid continued to grin, and everyone began whispering at this, wondering if Astrid was nuts to be talking to Snape like this.

"An assistant!?" Snape hissed, "please tell me I heard you wrong, Ackerley,"

"Well, Ron Weasley has been shooting you glares all night sir, I just thought perhaps he deserved a bit 'o punishment 'imself," Astrid grinned evilly, casting her glance at Ron, who instantly let out a startled squeak and made like he was going to hide under the table, but Harry and Hermione held him up.

Snape looked to Astrid, suddenly looking much less angry, looking almost pleased, in fact as he shifted his gaze to Ron, trying to suppress an evil smile.

"Good work, Miss Ackerley. Very well, you shall supervise Mr. Weasley as he cleans the trophies," Snape said with a brief nod in Astrid's direction, as if he didn't know what to make of her.

"Right then! LET'S GO YOU FRECKLED GIT!" Astrid yelled and marched across the hall, making as much noise as she could, trying to grab everyone's attention.

"But - but - but!" was all Ron could manage as Astrid walked up to the table, grabbed the back of his robes and began dragging him out of the hall, and Harry couldn't help but get the faint impression he saw a wide grin forming on Ron's lips as they disappeared from view.