Swept From the Past

Chapter 57: The Emerald's Heart -- part ten

Remus Lupin woke up. It was dark around him. Where was he? What had happened? It took him several seconds to remember. Katarina... she had attacked him. He'd felt his strength abandon him. Then he'd fainted.

Remus felt his wand in the pocket of his trousers and grabbed it. Then he stood up with effort. "Lumos," he said. The tip of his wand lit, allowing him to see the room around him. He gasped, recognizing a familiar living room. He was in Burns' Manor. How had he come here? Katarina had surely sent him here, although he didn't know how.

"Incendio!" he exclaimed, pointing at the fireplace. Flames lit in the hearth. He found a pinch of old Floo powder which remained in a jug and threw it in the fireplace. Then he stepped into the green flames and hesitated. Where must he go? Hogwarts? No, Dumbledore had disconnected Hogwarts from the Floo Network. And they surely still needed help in the school. Remus had to warn the Order that Hogwarts had been attacked.

"Number Twelve, Grimmauld Place!" he uttered.

He appeared in the living room of Grimmauld Place and gasped. Harry, Hermione and Ron were sitting on the couch. Hestia Jones was sitting on an armchair in front of them, probably entrusted with the mission of watching them. But what were Harry and his friends doing here? What had happened?

"Professor Lupin!" Harry exclaimed. He stood up, but fell back to the couch almost immediately.

"Harry!" Remus replied. He rushed over to Harry, whose face had turned abnormally pale.

"Didn't you listen to Dumbledore?" Hermione said reproachfully. "You mustn't get up. Do you want to faint again?"

"I'm okay," Harry grumbled.

"Hermione's right, Harry," Ron said. "It was bloody tiring for you to fight You-Know-Who."

"What happened?" Remus asked. "What are the three of you doing here?"

"Had to run away," Ron replied. "Bellatrix Lestrange tried to attack us, but Burns stopped her."

"Kat... er..." Remus corrected, "Professor Burns fought Bellatrix?"

Remus was confused and scared. Was Katarina still alive? Had Severus managed to help her? What had happened after Remus had fainted?

"Yeah," Ron responded. "Hope Burns kicked her arse..."

"Ron!" Hermione exclaimed. "This is serious!"

"Where is Dumbledore?" Remus asked. He had to talk to the Headmaster immediately.

"Upstairs," Harry replied.

"He wasn't feeling well," Hestia said. "We had to levitate him to one of the bedrooms. He was so tired that he couldn't walk anymore."

"He couldn't walk anymore?" Remus repeated with astonishment.

"I can't believe a man of his age survived the Somnus Ligatus Curse," Hestia continued. "Moody said that entering Harry's spirit needed a lot of energy. Anyone except Dumbledore would have been killed. I've never seen Minerva so worried."

"And where are they?" Remus asked. "I mean Moody... Professor McGonagall?"

"They returned to Hogwarts with the members of the Order three hours ago," Hestia replied. "Tonks flooed to the Ministry of Magic to warn the other Aurors that the school had been attacked. They must be fighting the Death Eaters now."

Remus felt both relieved and more anxious than ever. With all that help, perhaps Hogwarts could be saved. But had they taken into account Bellatrix and her new powers?

"I must talk to Dumbledore," Remus said. "Don't move from here."

Remus ran upstairs and opened a few doors until he found the room where Dumbledore was resting. The Headmaster looked exhausted. His features were so strained that he seemed older than before. Remus had never seen Dumbledore so tired.

"Professor Dumbledore," he whispered.

Dumbledore opened his eyes slowly. Even his stare appeared to be vacant.

"Remus," the Headmaster replied with a hoarse voice.

"Are you all right?" Remus asked, worried.

"I am afraid I am not twenty anymore," Dumbledore responded. He sighed. "Do not worry, Remus," he continued with a weak voice. "In a few days, I will feel better. It seems that my old legs have refused to carry me."

"I..." Remus replied, not knowing exactly what to say. Dumbledore had age for an excuse, but how could Remus explain his absence from the battle? "Er..." he said, fumbling for the words, "how... what has happened at Hogwarts since... er... for..."

"...Since you disappeared from the castle?" Dumbledore continued.

Remus felt he was blushing from head to foot. How did Dumbledore know he had left the castle?

"I... was with Severus and Katarina," Remus replied to justify himself, "then Katarina... well, I don't know exactly what she did, but I fainted. When I woke up, I was in Burns' Manor."

"Were you?" Dumbledore asked. He appeared to be thoughtful. "Yes..." he said, "that is not very surprising. The Barrier Keeper is linked to Hogwarts. Katarina had the power to make you leave the castle. No doubt she did that to protect you. Sending you to her parents' Manor... No one would have thought of that. Love... has always been the best protection given to anyone..."

Love... Remus remembered Katarina's last words.

"Love is energy," he whispered.

"Yes," Dumbledore replied. "It is Katarina's energy. The essence of her power. As it was the essence of Grindelwald's power."

"Love?" Remus asked. "But I thought..." He paused, confused. "So is there really still hope for her?" he asked. "Does it... mean that she still loves..."

"...Severus?" Dumbledore continued. "She certainly does. Although she refuses to admit it. As my old friend Grindelwald still loved his wife so many years after she had died. But his suffering could not be healed or even soothed. I understood later that all hope was gone for him the minute he'd lost his wife. But there was hope for Katarina, as long as Severus was alive."

"Why didn't you tell Severus?" Remus asked.

"Sometimes, the easiest solution is not the best one," Dumbledore replied. "All is a question of choice. Do you think Severus would have made the same choices if I had told him about Katarina's feelings?" The Headmaster took a deep breath. "Do you think he would have reacted the same way?" he continued. "Fought for Katarina like he did, although he thought there was no hope? This is real proof of love. Such devotion cannot leave anyone indifferent. Katarina is no exception. You need more than words to reach someone's heart."

Dumbledore was probably right, but it was surely too late now.

"Bellatrix Lestrange--" Remus said.

"Have faith," Dumbledore interrupted.

"Faith?" Remus repeated.

"Sometimes," Dumbledore replied, "it is when you think everything is over that unexpected help comes."

"I don't understand," Remus responded.

"Have faith," Dumbledore repeated.

Remus didn't understand, but he knew Dumbledore wouldn't say more. As long as the fighting continued, Remus still wanted to help. He had to return to the castle immediately.

"I should return to Hogwarts," he said. "People are still fighting there."

"Do not worry, Remus," Dumbledore replied. "The news of the battle is good. I have received several encouraging messages from the members of the Order, and some of our old portraits have kept me abreast of the situation."

"So that's how you knew I had left Hogwarts?" Remus asked.

Dumbledore smiled.

"Actually," the Headmaster replied, "there are other ways to know what is happening at Hogwarts." He paused. "Your name disappeared from this map a few hours ago," he continued. He lowered his covers a little, and Remus saw that Dumbledore had hidden a folded map under the sheets. It was resting on the upper part of his chest.

"This is..." Remus said.

"The Marauder's Map," Dumbledore said. "Fortunately for us, Harry had the map with him tonight. Very useful during a battle."

Remus leaned forward to read the names on the parchment, hoping to know where to search for Katarina, but Dumbledore pulled the covers back over the map.

"You should not try to learn too much," Dumbledore said gently. "There are things that are beyond your power. Sometimes we must allow others to do what must be done." Dumbledore cast him a knowing stare. "In certain situations, it is better not to intervene."

Not to intervene? Remus didn't understand. What did Dumbledore mean? Was he suggesting that Remus shouldn't try to help Katarina if she was in danger?"

"Wh--" Remus asked.

"Do not forget what I said," Dumbledore replied. "Some things must be postponed until morning..."

Remus understood that it was Dumbledore's last word. Confused, he left the room and ran downstairs.

Harry, Hermione and Ron stared at him with worried looks.

"How is Dumbledore?" Harry asked.

"He's exhausted," Remus responded, "but he's fine. Don't worry. Now I must return to Hogwarts."

"You can use the Floo Network," Hestia said. "Dumbledore has reconnected it, although he has limited the access. We can only floo to the castle from Grimmauld Place and two other places."

Remus nodded, then he looked at Harry and his friends. "Take care, you three," he said. "And don't try to leave the house." He cast them a severe stare. This was no time for them to return to the castle and put themselves in danger.

"I'm watching them," Hestia said.

"Be careful," Remus replied. "Don't leave them alone, even for a few seconds." Then he stared at Harry. "Harry," Remus said, "promise that you won't try anything stupid. This is no time for foolish bravery."

"But, Professor Lupin," Harry replied, "the castle i--"

"No!" Remus cut him short. "You can hardly stay on your feet. Returning to Hogwarts would be suicide."

"See," Hermione said, "Professor Lupin agrees..."

Harry cast her a furious stare.

"Fine," Remus said. Then he threw a pinch of Floo Powder in the flames of the fireplace, yelled "Hogwarts," and appeared in the staff room of the castle. His wand at the ready, he ran in the corridors and reached the Entrance Hall. Then he gasped.

Many people stood there: members of the Order, pirates, Aurors. A few Death Eaters were lying on the floor, tied up. The fight appeared to have ended. How was it possible?

"Ah, Remus!" Minerva McGonagall exclaimed. "She stepped in his direction. "We worried about you. We wondered where you had gone."

"I was... er... busy," Remus replied, embarrassed. How could he tell that he'd fainted and found himself in Burns' Manor? It would sound as if he had run away. "It's a long story," he added. "What happened here?"

"A difficult fight," Minerva replied. "But we called for help. As soon as the reinforcements arrived, the battle turned to our favour. We've captured some of our enemies. They'll be sent to Azkaban. The others have escaped."

"What about the students?" Remus asked.

"All the students are safe and accounted for," Minerva responded. "But several of the older fighters were gravely wounded. Some are dead."

Remus sighed. He would have wanted to help more instead of falling unconscious.

"And what about Professor Burns?" Remus asked.

"I don't know," Minerva replied. "No one has seen her."

Remus felt the colour drain from his face. "And Severus?" he asked.

Minerva shook her head. "I haven't seen him either," she responded.

Remus was worried. Had Bellatrix done anything to... but, wait a minute!

"What about Bellatrix Lestrange?" he asked. Had anything happened to her? Remus doubted that Bellatrix had been defeated. She was too powerful. She wouldn't have surrendered. So where was she?

"I don't know," Minerva replied. "It seems that she has disappeared. Maybe you should ask one of Professor Burns' pirates."

Remus nodded. Yes, he would ask the pirates. But first, he would inquire about Katarina. Remus looked around. Among the pirates, he saw Joachim, the man who had shown him Apollo's Arch.

"Joachim," he exclaimed. "Have you seen Captain Burns?"

"No," Joachim replied. "But we were talking about that with the guys. Some of us saw something strange a few hours ago. Could be linked to the Capt'n." He turned around. "Hey, Johann!" he exclaimed, motioning for a young man in the group to come forward.

Johann approached.

"What's up?" the young man asked.

"Tell the protégé of the Capt'n what happened," Joachim said.

"What the heck are you talking about?" Johann asked. "I fought many creatures tonight. I don't remember exactly what or who I killed at each part of the battle."

"The part near the Quidditch Pitch a few hours ago," Joachim replied.

"Oh, that part," Johann responded. "Well, I heard a horrible cry. A woman's scream."

A woman's scream? Remus's heart tightened. Was it... Katarina?

"Then," Johann continued, "blue waves of power spread all around. They came from the same direction. The side of the castle, close to the Quittitch Pitch. Strong magic. I think it could have belonged to the Capt'n."

"Yeah," Joachim added. "It looks like her. Hope it's someone else who shrieked."

Remus swallowed the painful lump in his throat.

"We went there later to see what had happened," Johann said, "but there was nothing except three poles."

"Three poles?" Remus asked. "What were they for?"

"Dunno," Johann replied.

"And..." Remus said, "what about Bellatrix Lestrange?"

"The insane bitch?" Johann asked. "Dunno either. Hope she's dead."

"Yes, I really hope so," Remus murmured, more worried than ever.

***

Katarina Burns woke up. She was lying flat over Snape, her right cheek resting on his chest. He held her in an embrace. She felt so peaceful in his arms that she wanted this moment to last forever. What time was it? No light pierced through the closed shutters. It was still night. No cries came from the Hogwarts grounds. Had her crew managed to push the Death Eaters away? Slowly, she slipped her hand under Snape's pillow to grab his wand without waking him up. Then she pointed the wand at her left, and whispered the words "Victorem Belli Revelare," the spell Grindelwald used to know who had won fights. She had read this incantation in a book of dark magic Grindelwald had written and hidden on the Emerald Star. A small spiral of smoke, a thin volute, went out the tip of the wand and flew in the air, forming a little glittering greenish 'G'. Burns sighed. It was the sign of victory. The Death Eaters had been defeated.

Relieved by this good news, Burns put the wand back under the pillow. It was selfish and foolish, but she didn't want to leave this room now. She felt too tired to get up... or maybe she just didn't want to get up. She hadn't felt so well in a long time. Her first moment of happiness in more than fifteen years. How could she ruin that moment? She wanted to stay here as long as she could and forget about the whole world.

She stared at her lover. He appeared to be soundly asleep.

He had said that he loved her. Katarina had wanted to reply the same thing, but the words were stuck in her throat. Her emotions were so strong, but it'd been impossible to express them. Fear had paralysed her. And Snape... he'd been so adorable. He'd kept reassuring her although she'd been awful with him.

"I love you," she whispered. It was easier. He wouldn't hear her.

Snape opened his eyes. He sneered and looked at her with a satisfied stare.

Burns gasped. "You weren't asleep?"

How embarrassing! She felt mortified that he had heard her words.

"No, I wasn't," he said. "I didn't want you to leave me in the middle of the night."

Leave him in the middle of the night? Burns felt guilty. Yes, she could have done that. She had tried to run away from Snape so many times tonight, and so many times before. So yes, she could have decided to leave him like that, without any explanations, and say that this night was just a mistake. But it wasn't. Everything had changed now. She didn't want to leave him anymore.

"I... I couldn't have," she replied. "And... I won't."

"I hope this is a promise," Snape responded. "Because I couldn't take you running away again."

'I promise,' Katarina thought. But she didn't say it out loud. Again, she couldn't utter the words. The painful lump in her throat prevented her from talking. Moisture spread in her eyes. She closed them, not wanting Snape to see her stupid tears.

"Look at me," Snape said softly.

She shook her head. How could she tell him that she was ashamed to have rejected him like that? To have made him suffer. To have tried to strangle him.

"Did I say something wrong?" he asked.

Burns shook her head again. "No," she replied with a quavering voice. "You didn't say anything wrong. It's me... I..." She paused. "Bloody hell, I'm such a bitch!" The words burst out of her mouth, revealing her confused and mixed emotions.

"What?" Snape asked, with a voice which betrayed his confusion.

Katarina opened her eyes again. Through her blurred vision, she saw Snape's puzzled expression.

"I said awful things to you," she responded. "I was bloody horrible! I hurt you! I..." She sobbed. Tonight, she had almost killed him.

Snape sighed. He took her hand in his and caressed the hollow of her wrist with his thumb.

"You slit your wrists because of me," he whispered under his breath. "The way you discovered who I was... You should have never learnt it that way. It was cruel. If you had done the same to me, I'd have never forgiven you. If I had discovered that you had played with my heart and that you didn't love me, I don't know what I would have done. I don't know... if I'd have spared you."

"You'd have killed me?" Burns asked, surprised by his confession.

"Maybe," Snape replied. "I'd have killed Blazy and Bellatrix." Katarina felt his rage when he uttered their names. "I don't know if I'd have found the strength to kill you," he continued. "But I would have done my best to make you suffer and regret what you had done to me. And I would have hated myself for loving you... as I have hated myself for hurting you." He paused. "Instead of protecting you, I made you suffer. If I had known..."

Katarina knew that he truly regretted his mistakes, as she regretted hers. She couldn't forget what she had felt when she had witnessed his memory. It was his sincerity that had made her decide to follow her heart. The realisation, that, for once, he hadn't lied to her and wanted more than anything that they get back together. A desire she shared with him...

"But now you've come back to me, stubborn girl," Snape continued. "We have a second chance together. And this time, it will work, Love."

"I hope so," Burns replied.

A second chance... It sounded like a dream...

"It will work," Snape repeated.

He kissed her forehead, then her lips. She kissed him back. She was still very confused about all their history and the harm they had caused each other, but she was sure she needed him in her life more than anything.

Snape rolled so that he was on top of her.

"Much better than tears," Snape said. He smirked. "So, you love me, insufferable woman? It took you ages to admit it."

Again, Burns felt embarrassed.

"It's not... easy for me to utter these words," she replied. "I hadn't thought I would say them again. It sounds... strange..." She gulped.

"I know," Snape responded. "But you'll get used to uttering them again. Maybe you could start by uttering my first name?" he said silkily.

"Your first name?" Katarina asked. Yes, it was right. She hadn't called him by his first name tonight. At least not willingly. She kept thinking of him as 'Snape', even now when they'd made love. She loved Severus, the young man she'd agreed to marry, the one she'd thought had been an illusion. And she loved Snape, the colleague she'd abused, the person she'd thought had betrayed her. Now which one was in front of her? It was so confusing.

"Call me Severus," he replied.

"I... I can't," Burns responded. She looked him straight in the eye. "I don't know... who you are..." she said. She didn't want to hurt him, but it was exactly what she felt. Would he understand?

Snape observed her eyes for a few seconds.

"I'm both of them," he replied. "Both are madly in love with you and are yours." His upper lip curled. "Does it help you to remember?" He paused. "You're the only one who really knows me."

'Maybe that he loves me is the most essential thing,' Burns thought. There were big holes in her past. Important parts of her life were missing. Events she could no longer remember. When was their first kiss? What was...

"In the library," Snape said.

"What?" Katarina asked.

"Our first kiss," Snape replied. "It was in the library."

Katarina felt relieved that Snape had been reading her mind. She wouldn't have to express her emotions. It was easier if he just read her thoughts.

"It sounds interesting," she replied, a little amused.

"It was," Snape responded. He paused. "Once you get all your memories back, everything will be all right."

All her memories... Yes, it would be nice to get them back. To remember everything from the beginning, from their first kiss to the last night they had spent together. The last night they had spent together? But... wait a minute...

"I don't understand why," Burns said, "but I actually remember a few memories."

"It's Grindelwald," Snape replied. "He came here when you were unconscious. So terrifying! I thought he'd have hurt you. But he conjured one of your Pensieves and gave you back the memories it contained. And he asked me to take care of you and protect you. He said you were freed and wished you to be happy. Then he disappeared."

"Did he?" Burns asked. It was strange that Grindelwald would make such decisions. But... Deep inside, Burns felt that it could be true. Was it possible? Was she really freed?

"In a certain way," Snape replied silkily, "he has transferred his authority to me and designated me as your guardian. It means he wants us to stay together. If you left me, he could come back..."

Burns repressed a laugh. Snape would use any pretext to keep her from leaving him again.

"So," she replied to play the same game. "Has he changed his mind about our relationship? How strange. He told me you were a real bastard."

"And do you share his previous opinion?" Snape asked.

"I did," Burns replied. "But I've changed my mind too..."

Snape appeared to be delighted.

"Oh," Burns said teasingly, "I still think that you're a real bastard, but not the same kind. A more... sexy and adorable kind... The kind who saved my life tonight."

"So," Snape said, an amused expression on his face, "could you try to call me by my first name now?"

Katarina could read hope in his eyes. It was important for him.

"Severus," she whispered. It sounded odd. Old and new at the same time. It sounded good. She wanted to think of him that way.

Burns teasingly brushed the upper part of his chest with her fingers. She could still smell the enticing fragrance of cologne on his skin.

"Why did you wear cologne tonight?" she asked, staring at his chest.

Severus didn't reply. Katarina looked up and saw he had raised an eyebrow. His expression registered a lack of self confidence. "You don't like?" he asked.

"Quite the opposite," Katarina responded. "It smells very good. I was just wondering."

Severus' expression relaxed.

"I wore it for you," he replied. "You said I looked neglected, so I wanted to be more attractive to you."

Burns' heart tightened.

"You're a proud man," she said. "I knew what to say to hurt you. I was furious. You had broken my heart. If I couldn't get to your heart, I could hurt your ego. It doesn't mean I believed what I said."

"Even when you said I was a bad kisser?" Severus asked.

"Especially when I said that," Burns replied. Tears came back in her eyes. Bloody exhaustion made her so emotional! She hated to be so weak.

Severus leant over her and kissed her. Katarina swallowed her tears.

"It's okay, silly girl," he whispered. "I know why you said that. It was to push me away because you loved me still."

"But it didn't work..." Burns commented.

Severus smirked. "No, it didn't work," he said. "You can't get rid of me so easily." He paused and looked a bit embarrassed. "So... do I kiss better than Lucius Malfoy?"

Did he kiss better than whom? Burns couldn't repress a laugh. "Good Lord!" she replied. "Of course you do! And in fact, I didn't really kiss Malfoy."

Severus scowled. "From where I was," he said, "you were kissing him well enough."

Katarina rolled her eyes. Jealousy. That was one thing she remembered about Severus.

"To be honest," she replied, "I have never thought of that disgusting experience as a 'kiss'. It was just a way to keep Malfoy busy while I was stealing the talisman from him. And maybe... a good occasion to exact revenge from you too..." she admitted. "I think I liked it as much as he liked being kissed by Goyle..."

"So you didn't enjoy that kiss at all?" Severus asked.

"I almost threw up..." She grimaced. "This man takes pleasure in torturing innocent people. I had to brush my teeth three times in a row to make my nausea disappear."

Katarina saw the satisfied expression on Severus' face.

"So," he asked, "why did you save my life with the talisman?"

The talisman... Katarina had almost forgotten she'd used it to set him free from Voldemort's power.

"I had to find a way to use the talisman," Katarina replied. "One use only to drain it of its power. And I was indebted to you."

"Is that all?" Severus asked. He looked disappointed.

Katarina sighed. Part of her was still reluctant to tell the whole truth about her previous decisions. But maybe it was the moment to be honest with Severus, and with herself. She remembered that night, the terrible nightmare that had awoken her. She could not remember the details, just the fear. She had to use the talisman. And Severus. She knew where to find him. Of course, she could have let him die, but... it was too soon. Too soon? ...After fifteen years? She snorted at her own naivety.

"I suppose," she said, "that a little, tiny part of me didn't want you to die at all. Or maybe I didn't want you to be a Death Eater anymore. Or both..."

Severus' eyes sparkled.

"So you felt I was in danger and you found a pretext not to kill me?" he asked.

Katarina gulped. "I... I suppose it's what happened..." she replied. "Sort of..." Yes, it was the truth, but how embarrassing! The Captain Burns' part in her was furious to admit how weak she'd been...

"Proud little pirate girl," Severus replied. His upper lip curled. "All these signs which showed you were mad about me, and you didn't notice them?"

Damn Slytherin! He liked teasing her!

"You are enjoying your victory, aren't you?" Burns responded, playing his game. A part of her was amused to see his reaction.

"Every bit of it," Severus replied. He looked jubilant.

"Watch out," Burns replied, "or I'll tell the whole school that you wear feminine underwear."

Severus scowled. "I do not!" he replied, an offended expression on his face.

"Yes, I know," Burns replied. "But the others don't!" She smirked.

"You are a dangerous woman," Severus responded, amused.

"That's what I've always said," Burns replied.

"So tell me, dangerous woman," Severus responded, "why did you use the Pensieves? I'd like to know how you discovered them and why you decided to use them."

Katarina took a deep breath and gulped. It was a painful memory.

"Shortly after I had..." she stopped and closed her eyes. Thinking of the way she had slit her wrists was still painful. She opened her eyes again and stared at his chest. She couldn't look him straight in the eye. It was too difficult.

"Shorty... after Sirius saved my life," she corrected, "I don't remember well, but I think I heard a call. I may have Disapparated. When I woke up, I was lying on a bed on The Emerald Star. And I knew that the ship belonged to me. But it didn't matter, because I had lost all that I wanted." Her voice quavered. "You were... in my head... in my heart... so deeply that it was too painful. I had to get rid of you one way or another." She paused. "Then I found the Pensieves, and I... I got rid of all the good memories I had. Because I didn't want to remember how much I loved you. I didn't want to remember love at all. It hurt too much. I knew I couldn't do anything else or I would have died of sorrow."

She looked up and met his eyes. Severus appeared to be shocked. He had paled.

"If I had known," he said, "I would have searched for you. Everywhere. And I would have found you. But I thought that you had died. That I had killed you..." He paused. "For five years, I thought I had killed you." Sorrow came in his eyes. "Then I saw your name in the Daily Prophet, on the front page. It was a shock to discover you were still alive. I sent you lots of letters. But you never replied. Did you receive them?"

"Yes," Katarina responded. Her heart tightened. He had sent her hundreds, thousands of letters. "But... I didn't read them," she continued. "I... didn't want to hear from you anymore. I... put them... er... in a box."

"You didn't destroy them?" Severus asked. He looked surprised.

"In fact," Burns replied, embarrassed, "I had planned to set them all ablaze on Hallowe'en and practise a ritual of Dark Magic to hex you, but the box refused to open. Stupid magical artefact. I threw the box into the flames, but it didn't catch on fire. So I just put the box in a corner and forgot about its existence."

"A hex?" Severus asked. He raised an eyebrow. "What sort of hex?"

"I'm not sure you should be hearing this," Katarina said, embarrassed.

"Tell me," Severus insisted.

"Basically," Burns responded, "er... it was a hex which would prevent you from touching other women for the rest of your life." She blushed. "Needed something which belonged to you to cast it."

"Silly girl," Severus said silkily. He didn't appear to be angry. "In your place, I would have done the same. Worse maybe. You really should have been sorted in Slytherin."

"Maybe," Katarina admitted, surprised that Severus was so honest. "I wanted to make you pay for having broken my heart." She paused. "I'm glad the box didn't open."

"It wouldn't have changed anything," Severus replied. "Do you think I could have touched another woman, knowing that I had lost you?"

Burns had trouble believing him. She couldn't help it, but she didn't trust him entirely. She bit her lip and looked away. Severus raised her chin with his hand and forced her to look him in the eye. He frowned.

"I'm not lying, stubborn girl," he said.

"I'm... trying to trust you," Katarina replied, "but I can't. You're... a man. And..."

"If I remember well," Severus responded, "you wanted to make love sixteen years ago. I said we had to wait. That's proof I can control myself."

Burns scowled. "What happened to your argument 'I had the Dark Mark on my arm?' I thought it was the reason why you'd pushed me away. That it was difficult to resist me. That you were very frustrated."

Severus didn't reply. He appeared to be thinking.

"It's about you and me," he said finally. "We both made sacrifices for each other. We were about to be married. Then everything failed because of me. You're not the only one who gave up your life after we separated. How could I even think of another woman? I desired only you. You were my obsession."

Katarina read in his eyes that he was sincere.

"And what about you?" Severus continued. "I know there was no other man. Why didn't you start another life? Wasn't it because you couldn't imagine life with anyone else? Can't you understand that I missed you as much as you missed me?"

Burns felt remorse for not trusting him. She knew he had missed her. She'd felt his sorrow.

"I didn't want to call you a liar," she replied. "I'm just... still very confused. For more than fifteen years, I had been convinced that you had toyed with me. That you had been unfaithful to me. Give me time... I need time, Severus...

Severus' expression softened. His upper lip curled.

"We have a lifetime," he said.

He kissed her tenderly. Katarina felt the tears come back in her eyes. Bloody Hell! How had she misjudged him like that?

"I love you, stubborn man," she whispered in his ear.

"Not as much as I do," he replied.

Katarina smiled. Severus brushed her tears away.

"No tears anymore," he said.

"I'm too emotional," Burns replied. "So many things have happened tonight. It has been an... intense night." She blushed, thinking of how things had ended for Severus and her.

"May I assume that the experience was... satisfying?" Severus asked. Katarina detected anguish in his eyes.

She nodded.

'Very,' she thought, allowing him to read her mind. 'It was... unexpected and wonderful.'

Severus looked relieved by her silent answer. He sneered and stared at her mischievously.

Suddenly, Katarina realised that this unexpected experience could have unexpected consequences. She hadn't thought of that. She hadn't thought of anything. How irresponsible!

"I..." Burns said. She gulped. "Er... I didn't take any... Anti-Pregnancy potion. Maybe you could... prepare some. I... don't want to ask Madam Pomfrey. It's bloody embarrassing..."

Severus looked at her with a determined stare and smirked.

"I have no intention of giving you such a potion," he responded.

Katarina was puzzled. No Anti-Pregnancy potion? But... did it mean...? No, it couldn't be.

"I don't understand," she said.

"Really?" Severus whispered under his breath. "Yet, I think my intentions are rather clear..." He placed his hand on her belly.

"A child?" Katarina whispered. She didn't dare to hope.

"Our child," Severus corrected. "A little Sebastian or a little Severina."

"Are you... sure?" Katarina asked.

"I couldn't be more sure," Severus responded.

"But," Katarina responded, "if we have a child, he or she will inherit my power. Grindelwald's power. Grindelwald's bloodline will continue." She felt anguish. "I don't want our child to suffer. I don't want him or her to become evil."

"There's no evil in your power," Severus responded. "And no evil in you. Just love. You turned to the Dark Arts because your love for me was destroying you. Because without wanting it, I had broken your heart."

Although Burns wasn't convinced at all by Severus' theories, she didn't say anything. She had always wanted to have children with him. Was there really a chance for them to have a family now? Katarina felt she was living again. Feeling again. She wanted to stay in Severus' arms forever. Maybe there was a way for her to get rid of Grindelwald's powers? A ritual... a potion... anything to prevent their future children from becoming evil?

"I would be more worried about my bloodline than yours," Severus said. Katarina realised he had been observing her, and she saw shame in his eyes. She understood he was thinking of his parents.

"I didn't know what my father had done to your mother," he continued. "We were already engaged when I learnt the truth. I didn't know how to tell you. I was so afraid of losing you. And I had lied on so many things. I acted like a coward."

Burns gulped. Her mother... Claudius Snape was responsible. He'd killed her. He was a monster. But not Severus... he hadn't done anything to her mother. He hadn't even known what had happened... How could she blame him?

"This is not your fault," Katarina said. "You're not responsible for what happened. I'll never forgive your father for what he did. But you're not your father. You're you. Just you. Our relationship is about you and me. It would be unfair and stupid to charge you for things you didn't know anything about."

Severus stared at her adoringly. Katarina smiled lightly.

"So now," she continued, "I hope that you won't hide things from me."

"I wouldn't risk it," Severus responded.

"No more lies?" Katarina asked.

"No more lies," Severus replied softly. "Lying to you is too dangerous."

"So, what about the Love Philtre?" Burns asked.

"I told you the truth," Severus responded. "I didn't give it to you. I lied to Blazy and the Dark Lord. Later, the Dark Lord said that he would kill you because you were a half-blood. I betrayed him and told Dumbledore everything."

"What if Voldemort had discovered that you had lied?" Katarina asked.

"He would have tortured and killed me," Severus responded. "But it was a risk. I had to protect you."

Burns sighed. "You should have told me," she said. "We would have endured this together."

"I was scared to lose you," Severus replied. "I was stupid."

"Yes, you were," Katarina replied gently. She caressed his cheek. "We were both bloody stupid," she said, thinking of her own attitude. She should have given him the chance to explain himself earlier. But she had sworn he would never manipulate her again. She had wanted to humiliate him as much as he had hurt her. To prove that he had no power over her anymore. But she had obviously lied to herself...

"Maybe... we could forgive each other?" Severus asked. He looked uncertain of Katarina's reaction.

Katarina had a lump in her throat. Forgiving... A strange word. Severus had made her suffer so much. Yes, she wanted to give him a second chance, but she couldn't forget the pain he had inflicted on her, even if he regretted what he had done. Was deciding to forgive the same thing as really forgiving? Certainly not. But... maybe it was the first step?

"We could try," Katarina replied. "As we could try... to have children together..." She felt she was blushing.

Severus smirked. A naughty expression sparkled in his eyes. "A very good idea," he said. "But first..."

He grabbed his wand under the pillow and pointed it at a chest of drawers.

"Accio Ring!" he uttered.

One drawer opened. An object flew from inside to Severus' hand. It was a ring. The same ring that...

"Is this...?" Burns whispered.

"Yes," Severus replied. "Your engagement ring."

"You kept it for all those years?" Katarina said. She was surprised.

"Of course I kept it," Severus responded. "It is yours."

He took her hand and placed the ring on her finger. Katarina felt panic.

"Wait..." she said. "It's... it's a serious commitment. It's too fast for..."

"Too fast?" Severus asked. "Fifteen years is not really too fast."

"We've just reconciled," Burns replied. "It's really too quick."

She felt scared. It was too much at once. A marriage proposal... it was too fast. Too dangerous...

Severus raised an eyebrow. "You want children with me, but you don't want to marry me?" he asked. His features hardened. Did he feel rejected?

"I want us to be together," Burns said. "But..." She sighed.

"But?" Severus asked.

"My response will hurt you," Katarina replied.

"Tell me," Severus responded.

"I don't trust you enough to marry you," Burns replied.

"Oh," Severus snapped. "So you don't trust me enough to marry me, but you trust me enough to have children with me?"

"This is different," Katarina responded.

"And how?" Severus asked sarcastically.

"First," Burns replied, "I'm not twenty anymore. There's little time if we want children together." She paused. "And I want a new life with you. Something real and solid. Children... Well, it's... a different sort of trust. They would be a part of me and a part of you. There would be a strong link between us. And..."

Katarina hid a part of her emotions from Severus. What could she say? That she didn't trust him enough because of his previous lies and attitude? That she feared he would break her heart again? That only the love of their child would give her the strength to live if Severus betrayed her again? No. There was no need to pour oil on the flames. But she could share one of her other fears with him.

"Maybe you and I are not meant to be married," she said. "Our first attempt was a complete disaster. I... don't want to live that again. I don't dream of white wedding gowns anymore. I've had enough of dreams. Now I want something real. I don't want to be separated from you again. What is the need of getting married if we can be happy without it?"

Severus' expression softened.

"Silly girl," he said silkily. He stared at her tenderly. "Do you fear that something will happen before we get married?"

"I'm scared of that too," she admitted.

"But what if we were already married?" Severus asked. His mouth twitched.

"What?" Katarina asked. "But it's... it's impossible..." Her heart was beating very fast, but it was from fear. She wasn't ready at all for that dangerous step.

"Oh, it's really possible," Severus replied. "I thought that the Defence against the Dark Arts teacher would recognise ancient magic when she saw it."

Burns was shocked. She gasped.

"That green energy," she said, "when we..." She stopped.

Severus nodded. "Usually," he said, "lovers who stay virgins until they are married are linked to each other by an ancient magic. But it seems that having waited for each other so long changed the process. Having consummated our relationship created a bond between us. Although you're not officially or legally my wife, we're magically married."

"We're married?" Katarina whispered. She couldn't believe it. It was so unexpected! So terrifying! She tried to control the feeling of panic that threatened to overwhelm her.

"Yes," Severus responded. "We're married. Now, a wedding ceremony would only be a formality. Black may have given you his name, but I'm your real husband."

He looked proud of himself.

Burns raised an eyebrow. Sirius again? But, wait a minute... Had Severus planned everything? Was it a way to win a long lost fight against Sirius? Had Severus trapped her?

"Did you know it before we made love?" she asked, feeling both terrified and upset. Was it another manipulation? Had Severus betrayed her again?

"No," he replied. "For the last few hours, my main preoccupation has been to save your life. I had never thought I would end the night with you in my bed. I was as surprised as you when the magic appeared. A very good surprise." He sneered. "So I won't complain."

Although Katarina felt relieved, she arched an eyebrow again. All right, maybe he hadn't planned this, but why had he mentioned Sirius with such an expression of victory?

"And being magically married is more important to you than being legally married, is it not?" Katarina responded. "It has nothing to do with your rivality with Sirius?"

Severus looked her in the eye. "I'm a possessive man," he replied. "And I'm crazy about you. I'm happy that you're my wife and not Black's. You're mine and I'm yours. So will you wear your engagement ring, insufferable woman, and kiss your insufferable husband?" His stare was insistent and devouring...

Burns sighed. Yes, a part of her wanted to be officially his wife and not Sirius' anymore. Marrying Severus was what she had always wanted. The Katarina part in her wanted to say yes. But Severus had made her suffer so much... Marriage... she wasn't ready for that sort of commitment.

"No," she replied. "I'm sorry..."

Severus' expression changed. He looked shocked and in pain. His jaw clenched.

"You're asking too much in one go," Burns said. "You said you wanted a second chance, and I'm giving you a second chance. But this is too early for legal marriage. I need more than promises to marry you. I need proof that you won't hurt me again like you did."

"Haven't I proved that I love you?" Severus hissed.

Burns frowned. She had tried not to make things even more complicated and not to hurt him, but he wouldn't give up this idea of legal marriage. She had to be truly honest with him.

"This is not the problem," she replied. "Fifteen years ago, you loved me too, and it didn't prevent you from breaking my heart! This is not a problem of love! This is a problem of trust!"

"So, you don't trust me at all?" Severus spat.

"Damn, Severus, you were a Death Eater!" Burns exclaimed.

An awkward silence followed. Severus looked hurt.

Burns gulped. "As I said," she continued more calmly, "I don't trust you enough to marry you. Not yet. You lied. You hurt me too much. And you were and are still jealous of every man who approaches me."

"I became a Death Eater because I was young and stupid," Severus whispered under his breath. "I lied to you because I was young and stupid. I hurt you because I was young and stupid. And I was jealous because I was not stupid enough to let another young, stupid, and handsome man approach you and try to take you from me." He scowled. "And don't tell me that you didn't like that I was so jealous. You knew perfectly well I wouldn't have been jealous if I hadn't cared for you."

Burns bit her lip. "Maybe," she replied, "but there's a difference between jealousy and paranoia. And from the memories I have, you became jealous for no reason, although you were lying to me all the time!" She screwed up her eyes. "I don't think our relationship was a model of perfection," she continued. "You were almost never there for me when I needed you. You often deceived me."

Severus appeared to be taken aback.

"Was our relationship such a failure?" he asked sharply. "Will you never forgive me for my mistakes?"

"I remember... happy moments with you," Katarina replied. "I think it was shortly before the day... well, that day... Bellatrix's day." She gulped. "Forgiving you for your mistakes... this is too early. Don't ask too much of me, Severus. Don't spoil our second chance together. You're too demanding with me."

"So is that all?" Severus hissed. "You're giving me a second chance, but what proof do I have that you won't change your mind and leave me tomorrow?"

Katarina realised that what he said was true. She had no intention of leaving him, but how could he be sure she wouldn't change her mind? As she couldn't be sure he wouldn't hurt her again.

"Why don't we make a deal?" Burns asked. "If I agree to wear your engagement ring, will you agree to wait for marriage?"

Severus seemed to consider her idea. Was his anger fading?

"So..." he said, "we would be engaged?"

"Yes," Katarina replied. She looked him straight in the eye. "Wearing this ring... this is my way to prove that I really want this second chance to work. Now, are you ready to give me the time I need to heal and trust you again? The same way I gave you time when we were younger? Are you ready to prove that you won't lie to me anymore? To show me you're the man who'll make me so happy that I'll agree to marry him?"

Severus didn't reply immediately. He appeared to be thinking.

"I don't want to lose you anymore," he responded finally. "So if you need time, I'll give you time. I'll prove that I can be there for you and make you happy." He paused. "But will you agree to marry me officially one day?"

"If our relationship works, I promise I will," Burns said. "Sworn on my honour as Captain. And believe me, I don't swear on my honour very often. I hate all sorts of magical commitments. Except, of course, those I can turn to my advantage."

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Burns replied. "I'm a pirate!"

Did she detect a glint of amusement in his eyes?

"Er... anyway," Burns continued. She cleared her throat. "Now, I just want us to take our time... We must find ourselves again. Do you understand?"

Severus sighed. "I suppose I do," he replied softly. "You spent the whole year convincing yourself that you hated me," he said seductively. "So I suppose you need time to understand how desperately you want to marry me."

"Conceited man," Burns replied teasingly.

"Conceited or realistic?" Severus responded with a voice of silk which almost gave Katarina gooseflesh.

"Maybe both," she replied.

Then she put her arms around his neck again and they kissed. Katarina was glad that they had talked so honestly to each other. It was a good way to start their new life together. Was it a good sign for the future? She really hoped so. She wanted her deepest desire to come true.

"Severus..." Katarina said, breaking off the kiss.

Severus growled. "What?" he asked.

"By the way, what did you see in the Mirror of Erised?" she inquired. "What is your deepest desire?"

"To make love to my wife," he replied and kissed her again, preventing her from talking.

***

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