Swept From the Past

Chapter 33: Difficult Choices -- part three

Harry walked in the corridors with Ron, when he noticed a noisy crowd of girls waiting in front of the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"Dunno," Ron replied.

They drew near. Harry heard scraps of conversation all around.

"Do you think he'll leave the classroom soon?" Parvati asked.

"I hope so," Padma replied. She giggled.

"He melts my heart," another girl said.

"Mine first," her friend replied.

Harry and Ron stared at each other with puzzled looks. Who were those girls talking about?

"Have you seen his eyes?" Lavander said.

"His smile..." Padma continued

"His buttocks..." Parvati added dreamily.

Harry grimaced. That was one conversation he didn't want to hear.

"I'm going to throw up," Ron commented.

"Harry, Ron!" a girl exclaimed from the crowd. Harry looked around to find where the voice came from. Then he noticed that Ginny was trying to clear a way through the mass of girls.

"He's here!" she cried. "My mysterious Venetian blond-haired man is in the classroom!"

"What?" Ron exclaimed. "All these girls for that git? Who's he? The new Minister of Magic?"

Ginny didn't reply. She snorted and went back into the crowd.

"They're all mental," Ron said.

Harry nodded.

"What is going on here?" the voice of Snape hissed behind the boys.

Harry and Ron spun around. Snape stared at Harry. "So?" Snape queried. "Anything to tell, Potter?" He waited for Harry's explanation. Why did he always turn to Harry? Didn't Snape have other victims to bother?

"There's a man in the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom," Harry replied reluctantly. It was the truth. What else could he say?

"And?" Snape asked impatiently.

"That's all," Harry responded, a bit of aggression in his voice. "The girls are waiting for him."

Snape arched an eyebrow. He gave Harry a piercing look. "I warn you, Potter," he whispered under his breath, "tell me what is going on, or I'll give you detention!"

"That's the bloody truth!" Harry exclaimed angrily. He wasn't going to get detention for nothing, all the same! Greasy git!

"Language, Potter," Snape snapped.

Suddenly, Harry heard shrieks. He turned around. Some of the girls had started to fight. From where he was, he could not see much of the struggle. But he heard the other girls encouraging the fight and giving advice on how to do it well.

"Stop that immediately!" Snape shouted. He cleared a way through the crowd. Harry moved close to catch a glimpse of the disaster. Close to the door, two girls were struggling on the floor, pulling hair and scratching each other's faces. Their wands lay a few meters away.

"He's mine!" the first girl shrieked.

"No, he's mine!" the second girl screamed.

Harry was flabbergasted. How could the girls fight for a man they had just seen? A quick glance at Ron proved that he was as shocked as Harry. His mouth was agape.

"Miss Shirl, Miss Epton!" Snape shouted. "Stop that immediately or--"

The door of the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom opened for Professor Burns.

"What is--?" she asked. Harry didn't hear the rest. Professor Burns' voice was drowned out by a deafening roar of shrieking voices. The girls rushed through the door and jostled Burns violently, pushing her out of the classroom. The Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher lost her balance. Snape tried to catch her, but they both fell on the floor, Burns on top of Snape. Harry would have found it funny, if he had never known that Snape and Burns had been engaged. But he knew. It was more awkward than funny. And actually... disgusting. Harry grimaced.

Both teachers stayed in that position and looked at each other for several seconds. Then Burns got up quickly and backed away from Snape. She seemed to be taken by a moment of panic. Then she cleared her throat and looked away. Snape continued staring at her. Then he met Harry's eyes, frowned, and stood up too.

Harry wondered what Ron had thought about the scene. But his friend hadn't seen anything. He was by the door, busy peering at the girls fighting in the classroom.

Burns turned to Harry and gave him a quizzical look. "Have I just been attacked by an army of hysterical girls?" she asked.

Harry nodded. "Are they like that because of the man I heard them talk about?" he asked. "What's so special about him?"

"Veela ancestry," Burns replied.

Was it possible that a man had Veela characteristics? Hermione had said that it was very rare. And all that agitation... Fleur Delacour had never provoked such a thing. How was it possible?

The girls shrieked louder and louder. "Oh," Burns said exasperatingly, "Can't they shut up?" She massaged her temples.

"Harry!" Ron exclaimed with a fascinated voice, "Parvati hit Pansy Parkinson right on the nose! Whaw!"

"We have to stop that," Snape addressed Burns. He walked to the door. "Weasley!" he snapped, "Out of my way!"

"We?" Burns asked. "I'm not going in there!" Snape stopped in his tracks and turned to Burns, a disapproving expression on his face.

Although Harry was surprised that Burns didn't want to enter, he understood why. From where he stood, he had a glimpse of what was happening in the class. The Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom had become a real battlefield. The girls were tackling each other as if they were in a wrestling match. The tables and the chairs were knocked over. Uncontrolled spells flashed all around, bouncing on the walls.

"You're the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher," Snape hissed. "You must--"

"There are more than fifty frenzied teenager girls in the classroom," Burns replied, "who think they're in love with the same man," Burns said disdainfully. "Considering that the aforesaid man was in my classroom and is now locked in my office, I think that my presence is really not required. Fifty jealous girls furious with me? No, thank you. But please proceed, Professor Snape," Burns said mockingly, motioning Snape for entering the room. "They're all mad about Alphonso... or quite simply mad. Tell them they must stop fighting for him and return to their dormitories. I'm sure they'll be very afraid of the big mean Potions master." She pouted.

Snape scowled for a second. Then his upper lip curled. "Famous Captain Burns can kill all sorts of creatures," he said, "but she can't quiet a little group of girls? Amusing."

Burns had opened her mouth to reply, when Ron was suddenly hit by a spell. The boy flew into the air and hit a wall. He landed on the floor. Harry rushed over to him, worried. Ron was unconscious.

"Thanks for that argument, Master Weasley," Burns uttered, staring at insentient Ron. Then she turned to Snape. "A little group of girls, eh?"

Snape snorted.

"Don't worry," Burns said to Harry. "That was just a little hex. But next time, Master Weasley had better not stay so close to a room full of uncontrolled spells."

"What do you except from a Weasley?" Snape said mockingly.

Harry glared at him.

"Don't be so prompt to criticize, Professor Snape," Burns replied. "What are you waiting for? I'd give you less than twenty seconds before the girls hex you."

Harry repressed a sneer.

"Less than twenty seconds?" Snape hissed. He looked offended. "My fighting abilities are better than--"

"It's a magical group effect," Burns interrupted. "Alphonso is the object of the girls' obsessions. As a figure of authority, you represent an obstacle for them to reach this object. The second you enter the class, they'll stop fighting with each other, and they'll focus their attention on you. In short, they'll all hex you at the same time."

Snape arched an eyebrow.

Harry shivered. He imagined the blast coming from the combined girls' spells.

"Not so fun, eh?" Burns said.

"What are you suggesting then?" Snape asked.

"Oh, you won't like my suggestion," Burns replied.

"Which is?" Snape queried.

"To wait until they've all hexed each other," Burns responded. "When they're all unconscious, Madam Pomfrey will find a way to cure them."

Harry couldn't believe that Burns refused to do anything for the girls. Her reaction was so Slytherin! It was not surprising that she had fallen for Snape!

"I don't think that the Headmaster will agree with your methods," Snape replied softly. Suddenly, he stared at Harry. "Potter," he hissed. "Why are you still there? Bring Weasley to the Hospital Wing! He pointed his wand at Ron. "Ennervate!" he uttered.

Ron opened his eyes. "Where... what...?" he asked.

"Come on, mate," Harry replied simply.

***

Severus Snape stood in front of the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom with Burns. The girls were still fighting loudly in the room, and Potter and Weasley had just left.

"So," Burns said. "Any better suggestion?"

"I have a potion called Fumus Somnificus," Severus said. "If we throw it in the room, the girls will immediately fall asleep. May I suggest that you make us Disapparate right away to my office?"

Burns frowned. "All right," she said icily. "Extend your arm in front of you." Severus screwed up his eyes and obeyed. Burns gripped his wrist. They Disapparated, then Apparated into his office.

Severus searched for the potion on his shelves. "May I ask you why you allow that Alphonso in the school," he said disdainfully, "when he provokes such reactions in school girls?" The real question he would have wanted to ask was 'are you sensitive to that bloody git's charm?' Severus was devoured by his jealousy. If that Alphonso bastard had such an effect on a girl, what about his power over Burns?

"For your information," Burns replied aggressively, "Alphonso takes potions to reduce the Veela charm. I certainly wouldn't have let him come here, if I had known what would happen! I don't understand why the girls are so hysterical. Teenagers are more sensitive to Veelas, but they never act that way. Especially not when the potion has been taken! I'm not responsible for what happened. Believe me, Alphonso better have a good explanation."

"And to whom will that Casanova give his explanations?" Severus asked, facing Burns. "Another woman?" he hissed.

Burns' eyes flashed. "Are you suggesting that my judgment will be altered because I'm a woman?" she replied sharply. "I'm a powerful Auror. And I'm more attracted to slugs than to men," she responded between clenched teeth, glaring at him.

Severus' upper lip curled. No attraction between Burns and that git. How pleasing!

"After all," Burns added, "I dated you."

Severus' smirk disappeared. His body stiffened. "I've found the potion," he whispered under his breath. He gripped the phial and extended his arm again. Burns gripped his wrist and they Disapparated.

***

Severus stepped into the Defence Against the Dark Arts class. His potion had worked. The fumes had dissipated, allowing the teachers to enter the room. Severus tried not to trample on the unconscious, wounded girls lying on the floor. Burns faced her office door and uttered a spell to unlock it.

"Alphonso," Burns said icily, "come here for a minute."

A cat entered the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. He stopped a few feet away from Burns and turned to face her. His pupils were round, a sign that he was scared.

"He's an Animagus too?" Severus asked, shocked. Bastard!

"Yes," Burns hissed. She screwed up her eyes. With a wave of her hand, she motioned for Alphonso to return to his normal form. A second later, the git stood in front of her. His clothes were torn and he looked very pale.

"So," she snapped. She waved her hand to show him the scope of the disaster. "Are you satisfied with the result?"

"Please, Capt'n B." Alphonso said, "let me explain."

Captain B.? Severus' eyes flew open. Were they intimate?

"It's Captain Burns," she said sharply.

Severus felt relieved. No intimacy between Burns and the prat. He repressed a sigh.

"Now," Burns continued, "you have two minutes to tell me what happened. And you'd better be convincing!"

"I was going to your office, as you had asked," Alphonso replied quickly, "when I realised I was followed by two girls. Soon there were not two girls, but a multitude of girls running after me. They tore my clothes. I managed to escape using my Animagus form and finally entered the classroom. But they saw me transform and followed me here. I locked the room, but I feared they would find the counter spell. Then I locked myself up in your office, hoping to find a solution."

"And what a solution!" Burns replied angrily. "I Apparated into the classroom and I opened the door to those hysterical girls! I! Not you! I, bloody cretin!"

Severus smirked. God, he loved that woman!

Alphonso lowered his head. "I apologise, Capt'n," he said.

"How did it happen?" Burns asked sharply. "And why did the girls stay under your charm after you transformed into a cat?"

"I don't know," Alphonso replied. "I drank my Eros Reductus, as always."

Hmmm... there was something strange in the git's attitude. He avoided Burns' stare. He fingered a button of his torn shirt.

"Alphonso," Burns whispered. "Do you really want me to get angry? Because I can be very unreasonable when I'm angry." She pulled her blade out of her cloak and toyed with it. "Must I be unreasonable today?" she asked.

'Yes, please,' Severus replied in his mind. 'Make that conceited prat regret what he did... and said...'

Alphonso gulped. "No, Capt'n," he said. "I... I added... something in the potion. It was... an experiment... I've heard... that it would improve the brew..."

So... the bastard was not so confident now that he was in front of Burns. Good!

"Here we are," Burns said, in a tone of satisfaction. "So what did you add, except the proof that you're an imbecile?"

Severus was more than pleased... and more than frustrated. He wanted to kiss her. He loved her acerbic replies, when they were not turned against him.

"I added a solution of... something called Zingiber in the Potion," Alphonso responded.

"Zingiber?" Severus exclaimed, both puzzled and delighted. Damn, that git was really stupid!

Burns turned to Severus, a questioning look on her face.

"You included Zingiber in an Eros Reductus potion?" Severus spat. "Amateurish! Zingiber is another word for ginger! Oh, it did improve the brew," he said sneeringly. "Instead of diminishing the charm, the brew increased it ten times! Turning into a cat or simply disappearing in front of the girls would have made no difference. You've become the obsession of every female! You're lucky you didn't meet Professor McGonagall or..." Severus stopped, staring at Burns. Why hadn't she been afflicted by the Veela charm?

Burns seemed to have read his thoughts. "I'm a special case," she replied icily. Then she sighed, turning to Alphonso. "Alphonso," she continued coldly. "You're the best fighter on my ship, and a faithful servant. That's why I chose you to be my second-in-command. But today, you lost this privilege."

Disappointment and fear were painted all over Alphonso's face. Severus grinned inwardly.

"I didn't want to cause any harm," Alphonso replied.

"Seeing how torn your clothes are, I suppose that you didn't want to," Burns responded. "That's why you won't be locked up for a week with caged Dementors, although you deserve it."

Locked up with caged Dementors? Did Burns really punish people that way? Severus felt remorse again. Katarina would have found those methods barbaric. She had changed so much...

"From now on," Burns continued, "you won't be able to enter my office again. I want you to apologise to the Headmaster, and to make public apologises to the girls, when they're healed."

"All right, Capt'n," Alphonso replied timidly.

"Take your cat's form," Burns said, "and return to the ship now. I've seen enough of you for today."

Alphonso obeyed and left the room.

"I suppose that Madam Pomfrey will come soon," Burns said, turning her back to Severus.

Severus had the impression that Burns would leave him alone with the nurse. "Are you going somewhere?" he hissed.

Burns turned around to face him. "Actually," she replied, "yes. I'm going to my office, then I'll go to my quarters. I'm sickened by this pathetic spectacle."

"I'm sickened too!" Severus retorted. "And this is the Defence Against the Dark Arts classroom. Why must I stay alone to take care of your classroom?"

"That's a very good question, Professor Snape," Burns replied, bored. "And I promise that I'll think about it when I'm in my quarters." She entered her office and shut the door, before Severus could say anything more. He sighed from irritation. Why did she need to quit all the time?

***

Burns entered her office and locked the door behind her. She hated being in Snape's presence. She was furious with Alphonso, and it was not because of the potion he had taken. She knew it was an accident. He had 'heard that it would improve the brew.' Hmmm... Someone in her crew had probably wanted to play a joke on him... or something like that.

Burns was mad because this unexpected situation had made her fall into Snape's arms. It had been humiliating. And she had stared at him stupidly, instead of pushing him away. She had felt his disgusting gaze on her. The same stare he had probably used to dupe her before. A stare she couldn't bear.

Burns heard the alarmed voice of Madam Pomfrey from the Defence Against the Dark Arts class. And Snape's voice... She didn't want to hear that revolting voice anymore. It was too painful.

She had a drink of Firewhisky. Then she took her Pensieves with her and Apparated to her chambers. She would require quiet to look at her other memories...

***

London, twenty-eighth of December, second year of Katarina's Auror's training.

Katarina was alone in her apartment. She was writing a letter to Remus:

"Dear Remus,

I wish you could have stayed after Christmas, but I'm happy to hear that you will come back for New Year's Eve. I didn't think I would ever say this, but I'm glad that Severus had unexpected familial obligations for the Christmas holidays. With all the sad events that happened to Lily, I wanted to spend Christmas with her and James, even though you were there with Peter and Sirius.

I can't believe that Lily's parents died in a car crash a month ago. I'm so sad for her..."

According to the doctors, Lily's father had had a heart attack while driving. He had apparently lost the control of the car, and Lily's parents had been killed outright. It had been a great shock for Lily.

Katarina heard a knock on the window. She stood up and opened to Lily's owl. The bird delivered a piece of parchment and left. Katarina read the message:

"Kat,

Could you come to the apartment right away? It's important.

Lily."

Katarina took her coat and left as quickly as she could. She ran into the corridors and reached Lily's floor. Then she knocked at the door. Lily opened it.

"What has happened?" Katarina asked, out of breath.

Lily stood in front of her. She was very pale.

"Lily?" Katarina repeated. What had happened to her? "Where's James?" she asked.

"Out," Lily replied. She looked away, in shock. "With Sirius," she continued. "I asked them to go and bring some food."

"Lily?" Katarina said again. "You look like a ghost. Sit down!" Katarina led Lily to a chair. Lily sat without a word. Katarina closed the door.

Lily stared at the floor. After several minutes, she stared at Katarina. Katarina was really worried. What was going on?

"I can't do it," Lily said. "I went to the bathroom, but I can't do it."

"Can't do what?" Katarina asked. What was she talking about?

"Look at the test," Lily responded.

"The test?" Katarina repeated. "What test?"

"The pregnancy test," Lily replied.

The pregnancy test? Katarina's eyes opened wide. She didn't expect such an answer.

"I... am... terrified," Lily continued.

Katarina understood how terrified Lily must be. If she had been in Lily's place, Katarina would have been scared too. 'Much too young!' Katarina heard Severus' voice say in her head. And he wasn't even referring to the pregnancy part, but to the previous step. The 'taboo step' they had never talked about openly. When Katarina had made a slight allusion to that step one day, she had believed that Severus would faint he had whitened so much. 'We are much too young...' he had grunted. A sentence that Sirius Black had probably never uttered in his whole life...

But Severus was a very special and introverted man. He had always acted differently from the other boys at school. When they were playing Quidditch and flirting with girls, he was busy reading Shakespeare and studying Potions. When the other boys returned home to see their parents, he preferred to stay at Hogwarts. He'd had an unhappy childhood. He was discreet on that subject, but Katarina felt it was still very painful. How could she blame him for needing time?

"What if the test is negative?" Lily said.

Katarina was surprised. So that was the reason why Lily was so scared? She feared she wouldn't be pregnant? Well, Lily and James didn't waste time. Katarina felt relieved. She preferred it would be that way. Trying to conceive a child was better than trying to get rid of him.

"I didn't know that you wanted to have a baby," Katarina said. She smiled.

"James and I have been trying for several months," Lily said, "but it didn't work."

"How long have you been trying?" Katarina asked. Several months? Ten months? Eleven months?

"Since August," Lily retorted. "I'm afraid I'll never get pregnant." Lily threw her a desperate glance.

"Lily," Katarina said, "you've only tried for four months? It's too early. Of course you'll be! And maybe you are already?"

"I took my last pregnancy test at the end of September," Lily replied. "I was so sad when I knew I wasn't pregnant... I didn't manage to buy another test until now. It was too difficult."

"God, Lily," Katarina replied, "Just because it didn't happen the first time doesn't mean that it won't. You can't expect to get pregnant on your first try. You're perfectly normal!" She paused. "First of all, when did you have your last period?"

"I don't remember," Lily responded. "With all these awful events, I lost track. Maybe since the beginning of October. Maybe later. Perhaps it was the shock. And I want a child so much... I'm afraid it might be false pregnancy."

"Relax," Katarina said. "I'll look at the test for you, all right?"

"Ok," Lily replied. She still looked tense.

"Where did you put the test?" Katarina asked.

"In the bathroom," Lily responded. "On the sink"

Katarina went to the bathroom. "What colour is it supposed to turn if it's good news?" she asked. She was tensed too, but she didn't want Lily to perceive it. Lily had had enough sad news these days.

"Red," Lily replied. "And blue if it didn't work."

Katarina picked up the test and stared at it several seconds. She sighed. Then she went to the bathroom door and smiled. "Are you all right, Mum?" she asked.

"What?" Lily exclaimed, shocked painted all over her face.

Katarina held the test in front of her. "Red," she said.

"Red?" Lily repeated.

"Red," Katarina said again.

"Are you sure?" Lily asked.

"Lily," Katarina said, "you are looking at the test. Do you think that's blue?" Katarina mocked.

Suddenly, James and Sirius entered the room, their arms full of packages. They chatted animatedly.

"Oh, Kat's here," Sirius said. "Hi!"

"Hi!" James said too.

"Hi guys," Katarina replied.

"What are you holding in your hand?" James asked. He stared at the test. Then he turned back to Lily. There was hope in his eyes.

"I'm pregnant!" Lily exclaimed. Her cheeks flushed suddenly. She jumped into James' arms. James stared, his mouth agape.

"You're pregnant? You're... pregnant?" James repeated. "That's wonderful!" he exclaimed.

Sirius looked amazed. James embraced Lily and kissed her madly. Katarina put the test back in the bathroom and went to the door.

"I think we should leave them," she whispered to Sirius. She went to the door. Sirius followed her and shut it behind him.

"Or we could imitate them," he replied suggestively.

Katarina hated when he did that. She rolled her eyes. "No way," she said. "I've already a boyfriend to kiss. But maybe you could try with Peter, when he comes back for New Year's Eve!"

Sirius grimaced. "You could have said Moony, at least!" he exclaimed. "He's more handsome than Wormtail!"

"I could have," Katarina replied, "but Peter will be sleeping in your apartment. Remus will sleep in mine, just like on Christmas Eve!"

"Who decided that?" Sirius asked.

"Me," Katarina replied. "With Remus, I feel safe. He'll sleep on the couch, like he always does."

Sirius smirked. "He must be gay," he said.

Katarina burst into laughter. "No he's not," she replied. "But he's a gentleman! You should follow in his footsteps, Sirius!"

Katarina returned alone to her apartment. Five minutes later, she heard a knock on the door. There, by the door, stood someone she hadn't expected to see: Professor Dumbledore.

***

Burns snorted. Dumbledore... Yes, he had come to her apartment to reveal many things. His bloody speech... His 'you have been adopted' and all the rest... She had never put that memory in her Pensieves, since it proved that everyone had been lying to her since she was a baby. She had wanted to remember that her whole life had been a lie.

Burns was disgusted. Knowing that Snivellus hated Mudbloods, how could Katarina have believed him when he said that he loved her? How? Burns filled her head with the next memory enclosed in the Pensieve...

***

London, twenty-eighth of December, second year of Katarina's Auror's training.

It was dark outside. The night had suddenly fallen. On the town and on Katarina's hopes. She was speechless. She let Professor Dumbledore leave the apartment. She was so shocked that she didn't even close the door behind him. She sat on the floor with her back against the couch, and sobbed in the semi-darkness. Now, she knew the truth. The terrible truth. The Headmaster said Severus would come in the evening. But Katarina didn't know what to tell him. How would he react? He hated half-bloods. How could she tell him that she had been adopted? That her father was a Muggle? Severus would be disgusted by her! He would cease loving her at the very moment she would tell him!

Katarina had barely heard Dumbledore's speech about Grindelwald. So the Dark Mage was her grandfather? He was friends with Dumbledore when they were young? And her parents, her real parents, had been killed when she was just a baby? So those rumours about her were true? The... the Burnses had adopted her?

Her mother was Grindelwald's daughter... Amanda Grindelwald. Dumbledore said Katarina could Disapparate within Hogwarts because she was a direct descendant of Grindelwald. Had he said something more? Katarina didn't know. She didn't know anything. She felt completely lost.

Her only family had been destroyed... and she discovered now that she had been adopted? That she was the last member of her genetic family? She felt like an orphan a second time. It was as if her adopted parents and her genetic parents -- those she had never known -- had both died again. And now, because of those secrets, she would lose the man she loved. She felt abandoned from all sides, and couldn't stop crying.

Suddenly, she felt arms around her. She raised her head and met Severus' stare in the darkness. A warm stare that was cold with everyone but her. She felt his lips on her face, on her forehead, on her lips. She had missed this sensation. She took him in her arms and kept kissing him. Then she stopped abruptly.

"No," she said. Severus stared at her questioningly.

"If you knew who I am," Katarina whispered with effort, "you wouldn't kiss me. You would never kiss me." She couldn't retain her tears. "I'm a half-bl--" she said.

"No," he interrupted softly, tightening his embrace. He lifted her in his arms and sat on the couch. He held her in his lap, but he didn't release her from his grasp. Katarina kept crying, her head on his chest. Severus let her cry for several minutes, his hand stroking her back. Katarina finally calmed down.

"I know who you are," Severus said slowly. "I don't care about your ancestors. You are Katarina. My Katarina. Never forget that."

"You... already know?" Katarina asked. She hardly breathed. She couldn't believe Severus accepted it so well.

"Dumbledore told me," he said. "He thought it would be easier for you if I knew. If I was there to comfort you after you found out the truth."

"But how could he be sure--" Katarina stopped in mid-sentence. Maybe it would hurt Severus, if she said the last part of her sentence.

"That I'd still love you?" Severus continued. Strangely, he didn't seem to be upset. He brushed her hair gently. There was a maturity that Katarina had never seen in him.

"Because he's an old Peeping Tom, who saw us kissing in the park one night," Severus replied. His mouth twitched.

Katarina repressed a laugh.

"And because I'll never stop loving you," Severus continued more seriously. "And no insignificant Muggle or Gryffindor detail will change that."

"Promise?" Katarina asked expectantly.

"Promise," Severus replied.

Katarina squeezed him hard in her arms. She felt deeply relieved. They exchanged several kisses, but Severus stopped suddenly. "I have to go," he said.

"Already?" Katarina asked, disappointed. "But you've just arrived!" They hadn't seen each other for a month, and he had to leave so early?

"I have many things to deal with," Severus said. "I must return home as soon as possible. But I can take ten minutes more, if you insist."

"God, I do insist," Katarina replied.

"You know you're a heavy, insufferable girl?" Severus said teasingly. "If I have to stay ten minutes more, I won't have any blood in my legs!"

"That wouldn't be kind of me," Katarina retorted with a slight smile.

"Not very kind, you're right," Severus said. He slowly made her slide onto the couch. Then he lay beside her and took her in his arms. "I want to stay this way until it's time for me to leave," he whispered in her ear.

"I'm glad you came," Katarina said. "What Dumbledore said... that was a shock. But I feel better now you're here." She paused. "It's difficult to be away from you," she murmured.

"I know," Severus responded. "Very difficult."

They didn't say anything for the rest of the time. It was not an awkward silence. Just a moment of serenity; a moment of happiness.

"Now, I must leave," Severus said finally. He straightened up.

"If you have to," Katarina replied. They both stood up and went to the door. Katarina sighed. "It's been an emotional day," she said. "Lily's pregnancy... Dumbledore's revelations... your visit..." She smiled at that last thought.

"What's the first thing you mentioned?" Severus asked. He raised an eyebrow.

"Oh," Katarina responded, "I forgot to tell you! Lily's pregnant!" She smiled.

"Evans' pregnant?" Severus replied. He made a grimace. "Merlin! They're rabbits!"

Katarina couldn't prevent herself from bursting into laughter. It was good to laugh after all that tension.

"By the way," Severus said. He took a little package from his robes. "This is for you." Katarina felt surprised. Severus had already sent her a few wonderful Christmas presents.

"What--" Katarina asked. Severus put a finger on her mouth to stop her speaking. He smiled slightly.

"Open it when I'm away," he said gently.

Then he embraced and kissed her one last time, before he left and disappeared into the darkness of the night.

***

The Potions master helped Madam Pomfrey to levitate a few girls to the Hospital Wing. Then the other teachers came to help her, and Severus returned to his office. He thought of Burns' reaction when she had fallen on him in front of the classroom.

He had felt her shiver. Her breathing had become chaotic. Severus had seen surprise in her eyes... and fear... Then she had suddenly moved away from him as if she had burnt herself on a flame. She had quickly looked away and acted as if nothing had happened. But something had happened. Yet Severus didn't know what it was.

He remembered the day Katarina had learnt the truth about her origins. He had seen surprise and fear in her eyes too... at least it had been fear first and then surprise. Now Severus would do anything to embrace her on her couch like he had done. To feel that she wanted his presence so much and refused to let him go.

When he had left her apartment, he had feared -- or known -- that their relationship would fail. Because he had made wrong decisions. Because he knew that one day he would have to pay for his mistakes...

***

London, twenty-eighth of December, Severus' second year as a Potions assistant.

Severus left the University and Disapparated. He Apparated to a room he had taken in the Leaky Cauldron. Dumbledore was seated on a chair.

"So Severus," Dumbledore said. "How is she doing?"

"She's fine, Headmaster," Severus replied. "When I arrived, she was crying. But she felt better before I left. I managed to reassure her."

"She needed your presence at her side," Dumbledore said softly.

"She thought I would reject her," Severus retorted. He lowered his head.

She was right. He would have never approached her, if he had known she had a Muggle-born father. He was glad he didn't know when he was in Hogwarts; glad he didn't miss her, because of his stupidity. Not that Severus loved half-bloods, Mudbloods, or Muggles now. But he loved her. And imagining what his life would have been without her was unbearable.

"I regret I became one of the Dark Lord servants," he said with bitterness. "I regret I have the Dark Mark on my arm. I regret having thought it was an honour. It's just a malediction. A terrible malediction."

"Great love is often followed by terrible maledictions," Dumbledore replied. "You know that the next months or years will be very difficult, Severus," he said gravely. "Turning from Voldemort is something no one ever dared to do. That is very brave of you. You will have to be careful. One false move and you could be killed."

"I know," Severus responded. "But it's the right thing to do. I'll do it for her."

"Katarina will probably find your attitude strange sometimes," Dumbledore said. "Are you sure you do not want to tell her?"

"It's too early," Severus replied. Anyway, Katarina probably found his attitude strange already, even if she didn't say it.

"This is your decision," the Headmaster retorted. "But do not wait too long before telling her."

"That man," Severus said with effort. "Maxwell Dayton... I'm responsible for his death. I helped Blazy make the Potion. How many people were killed because of me? How many wives received their husband's hands in a box? Husbands that I killed? I never realised they were human. Not until..." He stopped talking. Not until he understood that the woman he loved was in danger. Will Katarina still love him, once she finds out that he was a murderer? Severus knew that one day he'd have to pay. She would leave him. Or worst... she would be killed. His punishment for the awful things he had done. Severus had a lump in his throat.

Had he really thought that Katarina would join the Dark Lord? He had just convinced himself that Katarina would follow him. Because she loved him... Because he would have forced her to become a spy... He hated himself for having been so stupid.

"You will help a lot of people now," the Headmaster replied. "Do not forget that the path of regret leads to the path of forgiveness. You did what your father expected from you. Now, you have a choice. You can make amends."

***

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