Swept From the Past

Chapter 30: The Spring Ball -- part two

Professor Burns entered the Headmaster's office. Why had he wanted to see her, especially in the evening?

"Ah, Professor Burns," Dumbledore said, staring at her behind his half-moon spectacles.

"Why did you want to see me?" Burns asked.

"I wanted to inform you," Dumbledore replied, "that we will hold a Spring Ball at the end of March. Being the Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, your presence is required."

Burns frowned. "My presence?" she asked disdainfully. "Do you expect me to chaperon the students? Don't you have enough nannies on the staff to do the job?" She didn't want to spend her evening watching a crowd of snogging teenagers!

"I think that Minerva will be glad to chaperon them," Dumbledore replied. He looked amused. "But we need someone to protect them in case something happens."

"What about you?" Burns retorted.

"I am an old man," Dumbledore responded. "With all the commotion of a Ball, I think that extra security precautions are in order. For the maximum protection of the students, of course."

"Hmmm..." Burns replied.

What was that trick? The 'I am an old man' didn't fit for someone who would probably dance for the whole evening without a break. And where did that silly idea of a Spring Ball came from? Suddenly, Burns felt ill again. She couldn't focus on her discussion with Dumbledore anymore. Damn! What had happened at her bloody Spring Ball in seventh year to make her so sick? She felt that way each time she thought of that event!

"Are you all right?" Dumbledore asked. "You seem to be suffering. You look pale."

"No," Burns replied. "I'm ok. I... have to go." She snapped her fingers and Disapparated to her bedroom. She needed rest.

***

Severus Snape was walking in the corridors. It was late at night, but he couldn't sleep. He kept thinking of Dumbledore's idea. A Spring Ball... But this time was very different from the Spring Ball in his seventh year.

Suddenly, a blue light caught his attention. What was going on? Were students out of their dormitories at this hour? Severus walked quickly to check. He was in the mood for taking lots of house points. Except if it was against his own House.

Severus stopped walking and gasped. The blue light came from a woman, standing in the middle of the floor. A woman that he had known for a long time. Professor Burns danced slowly with an invisible partner, her eyes shut.

Severus hardly breathed. He swallowed. It was not the first time he had seen Burns acting that way. In the Hospital Wing, after Lupin had hurt her, she had danced too. Later, Madam Pomfrey had confessed she thought Burns was possessed. Severus didn't believe so. Burns was sometimes delirious. But her seemingly incoherent actions made sense to him. He knew what she was referring to. That song she was always humming... Something Stupid, by Frank and Nancy Sinatra. How could he forget?

Severus moved closer. He realised that Burns was crying. Icy tears.

"Katarina," he whispered.

She burst into satanic laughter. Severus gulped again. He slowly seized her left hand, covered by her gloves. Then he took the place of the invisible partner she was dancing with. If Burns woke up from her trance, she would be furious.

They danced for almost a minute. Then Burns moved closer. She put her left hand around his neck, pulling him close. Severus' heart pounded faster. He felt her icy tears as she placed her face along his left cheek. She brushed her lips to his ear. "Why did you make me drink the Love Philtre?" she murmured. Then she Disapparated.

Severus stayed motionless in the empty, dark corridor. He couldn't sort out his ideas. He still felt the contact of Burns' cheek on his. He still felt her presence around him, although she had gone. Then, the words "The Love Philtre..." came out of his mouth in a whisper. Severus closed his eyes and sighed. He had never felt such despair...

***

Hogwarts, end of March, The Spring Ball, Severus' seventh year.

Severus offered his arm to Narcissa reluctantly. The Spring Ball hadn't even started, and he was already bored. He wished he were back in the Slytherin common room with a good book, instead of walking to this ridiculous Ball. Severus was forced to go there with Narcissa Black, and see his ex-girlfriend dance with someone he hated!

Now he had no more hope concerning Kat... Katarina... No. Now, it was just Burns. 'Burns,' he repeated in his mind. Maybe she would be hurt to see him with Narcissa? Severus' heart sank. No, of course not. He felt despaired. He had spoiled everything. And moreover, the Dark Lord wanted him to seduce her. Would he really be forced to make her drink the Love Philtre? But if he did so, nothing would be real anymore! And he would have to get close to her to make her drink the potion. She would never let him close again.

Severus entered the Great Hall. It had been redecorated with lots of shiny flowers to give homage to spring. Blue and pink petals drifted from the magic ceiling of the Great Hall. Severus was irritated by that effervescence of colours. He despised the pathetic botanical art, and particularly the crowns of flowers that flew in the air. The only decent colour in the room was the black of his robes.

A stage had been set at the front of the hall, replacing the teachers' table. A group Severus didn't know played music on that stage. Half of the house tables had been removed, leaving only two along the sides of the hall. Hundreds of chairs were placed all over the place. Everything had been transformed to look like a buffet. There was a great choice of food and drink Severus would have liked to taste, if he hadn't felt so bad. His stomach ached from anxiety.

Narcissa let go of his arm and went to her friends. Severus reasoned with himself. Now, he was not with Burns anymore. The Dark Lord wanted him to seduce her. So maybe it was time for him to get rid of what he felt for her. His mission was the most important thing. Tonight, he would make Burns drink the Love Philtre. He would find an occasion to use the Imperious Curse on her and make her drink the potion. Then everything would be false. Her words and her attitude towards him could not touch him. It would all be caused by the Philtre. Breaking up with Burns was the cleverest thing that he had done, after all.

Then he saw her enter. He hardly breathed. Oh, God, he had forgotten how gorgeous she was! His heart pounded faster. She was so elegant in her long, red dress. And Black was her partner. Black! Jealousy came over Severus. Black hung onto Katarina's arm and looked so proud, a large grin on his face. Severus hated him. Potter and Evans spoke to Katarina and Black. But Katarina seemed distant, even sad. It must be his imagination, Severus reasoned. Of course, she was happy to have a handsome escort like Black! Not like him, he thought with bitterness.

Severus felt a curious sensation of guilt. He was ill at ease. It reminded him what Kat had told him... that she loved him. That for her, he was handsome. That she didn't care about Black. Had she lied or was she sincere? Severus snorted. She probably lied. And anyway, he had lost her.

Several students started to dance. Severus wondered how long the Ball would last. He sat on a chair. He listened to the music. After a while, he looked at the dance floor. Narcissa had disappeared from view, but Severus didn't care. He served himself pumpkin juice. When would he make Kat drink the Love Philtre? And did he really want her to drink it? It was difficult for him to think with the music. He found it too loud. Suddenly, he felt someone's presence beside him. Lupin.

"Where's your partner?" Lupin asked.

"That's not your problem," Severus hissed. Why did that werewolf speak to him?

Lupin took a glass and served himself pumpkin juice.

"You are stupid, Severus," Lupin said.

Severus raised an eyebrow. How dare Lupin insult him? Lupin, who had almost killed him the previous year! Severus was about to retort, but Lupin continued speaking.

"A lucky idiot," Lupin said. "I know a certain Gryffindor who would pay to have what you have."

Severus was surprised. He didn't expect Lupin to tell him that. "Mind your own business, werewolf," he responded sharply.

"Mind yours," Lupin retorted. "Go and speak to her. Tell her you're sorry."

"I don't feel anything for her," Severus replied with aggression.

"Really?" Lupin responded, "You haven't taken your eyes off of her since she arrived."

Severus was speechless. Bloody werewolf!

"I don't know what she sees in you," Lupin continued. "I don't like you. But it's not my choice. Stop being blind, Severus. Look at her. Don't you see how sad she is? She's been like that for three weeks. Take your chance this evening or it'll be too late!" Lupin drank his glass and went back to the dance floor.

Severus couldn't sort out his feelings. He put his hand in his robes, and touched the little bottle that was hidden in it. It contained the Love Philtre infused with a lock of his hair. What must he do? If she drank it, she would be his forever. That was what the Dark Lord wanted. But her love would just be an illusion. And if he didn't... He risked losing her forever. He'd never have a better chance! His mission would fail! But what if Lupin was right? What if... she really loved him? Would he risk losing that? Losing the chance of his life?

Severus knew what he had to do, but it was as if he was petrified. A few songs passed. Some were fast dances and others were slow, but Severus didn't pay attention to them. His thoughts were far away. The flood of students moved from their chairs to the stage. Time went on, but Severus couldn't handle the bottle yet. He couldn't make the move to take it out of his robes. He watched the dance floor. Dumbledore danced there with Professor McGonagall. A few teachers imitated them. Narcissa Black flirted with Jeremy Smith. Sirius Black danced with his friends, but Katarina wasn't there. Severus looked around.

Then he saw her. Katarina sat motionless on her chair, staring straight ahead. It was as if the whole world had ceased to exist for her. She looked... sad. Then she stood up. Severus thought she would join her friends on the dance floor. However, she went to the door to leave. So Lupin had been telling the truth? Severus followed her.

Katarina walked up the stairs. Severus stopped at the foot of the staircase and stared up at her. What would he say to her? His words were stuck in his throat. He realised if he didn't move, Katarina would go away.

"Katarina!" Severus called suddenly. He feared the music would drown out his voice, but the walls echoed the sounds. Katarina stopped on the first landing. Severus gulped. She turned back. She looked surprised to see him, yet sad.

"Severus?" she said after a few seconds. "What do you want?" It was as if she didn't have any kind of energy.

Severus worried. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"I'm tired," she responded. "I just want to go back to my dormitories and sleep. Goodnight."

"Wait!" he added. He didn't want to let her leave. However, he stayed motionless. He was scared.

"I told you I was tired," Katarina said simply.

"I need to talk to you!" Severus replied.

He climbed up the stairs quickly. Then he tried to take her left hand in his. She recoiled from his touch and turned her head away.

"What do you want, Severus?" she asked. Her voice was low and tired. "I thought you told me all that you wanted to say three weeks ago, no?" She bravely raised her head and looked him straight in the eye.

Severus was speechless. He was under her spell. He was intimidated by her stare, by the way she was dressed, by her defiant attitude. Suddenly, he realised the music had slowed down. "I... I want to dance with you," he said.

"I don't want to dance... with anyone..." Katarina replied.

Severus felt she was weak. Not only physically. She was about to cry. "Just one dance," he pleaded. "One dance and I promise I'll leave you alone."

"All right," Katarina responded. Severus felt she didn't have the force to resist.

He put his left arm around her waist and held her left hand in his. The music started:

"I know I stand in line until you think you have the time

To spend an evening with me

And if we go someplace to dance, I know that there's a chance

You won't be leaving with me"

Severus moved closer to her. He gulped again. He held her more firmly, more closely. She put her head on his chest. He could smell the wonderful perfume of her hair.

And afterwards we drop into a quiet little place

And have a drink or two

And then I go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid

Like "I love you"

"You are gorgeous tonight," he whispered into her ear.

"Liar," she responded softly. "It's just a disguise."

"I can see it in your eyes you still despise the same old lies

You heard the night before

And though it's just a line to you for me it's true

It never seemed so right before"

"You are gorgeous," he repeated. He realised how much he had missed her. How much he needed her. He squeezed her more tightly against his chest and gently kissed her left shoulder. He wanted her to forget about Black. She belonged to Severus. Only to him. The atmosphere set by the music helped him. He followed the line of her shoulder and kissed her neck.

Katarina sobbed. "Are you toying with me, Severus?" she murmured.

He put his right hand under her chin and raised her head slowly. He looked into her wet eyes. She threw him a quizzical stare. Severus could read her mixed feelings of fear and hope. What did she want from him? Something Severus wasn't sure he could say out loud, but also saw in her eyes.

He caressed her cheek. Now he had to tell her. To utter the words that were so hard to say. To take his chance. His last chance.

"I love you," he whispered. Then he kissed her deeply. He didn't want her to say anything. He just wanted her back.

They kissed again and again. Their lips parted when the song ended. Severus opened his eyes. Katarina looked very moved. She shivered a little, but she smiled back.

"YOU KISSED SNAPE?" Severus heard a voice shout. Black's voice. "YOU KISSED SNAPE?" Black barked again.

Black looked both puzzled and furious. Severus didn't expect the git to see them kissing. But after all, it wasn't that bad... Sweet taste of revenge!

"Yes!" Katarina retorted. "Yes, Sirius, I kissed him."

Severus' upper lip curled. Black took his wand out and pointed it at him.

"NO!!!" Katarina yelled. She placed herself in front of Severus.

Severus took out his own wand and stared at Black menacingly.

" KATARINA, MOVE OVER!" Black bellowed. "NOW!!!"

"I won't move!" she retorted. "I won't let you harm him!"

"BUT I WILL!" Black yelled. "I DON'T NEED YOUR PERMISSION!!! MOVE OVER!"

"Who do you think you are, Black?" Severus hissed. "I'll kiss my girlfriend whenever I want!" Severus knew it would anger Black. The occasion was too tempting.

"YOU'LL REGRET IT, SNIVELLUS!" Black snarled.

"You don't impress me!" Severus replied mockingly.

"I'M SURE YOU MADE HER DRINK ONE OF YOUR POTIONS!" Black barked. "HOW ELSE COULD YOU GET HER TO KISS YOU? JUST BECAUSE YOU STOLE A KISS, THAT DOESN'T MAKE HER YOUR GIRL!" Black stared at him with a conceited attitude.

Severus smirked. Close, but no... He hadn't used the potion.

"Do you really think that was our first kiss, Black?" Severus retorted coolly. "We kissed thousands of times before."

Black's mocking expression faded. "LIAR!" he shouted.

"Severus, please," Kat said. She looked at him pleadingly.

"How could she be interested in you?" Black laughed loudly. "She doesn't like slime balls!"

"Of course, she doesn't like slime balls," Severus replied. "She kissed me. Not you."

Black raised his wand furiously. Severus immediately prepared his own wand to be ready for a fight.

"IMPEDIM--" Black shouted.

"NO!!!" Kat shouted. She placed herself in front of Severus again. She clung to his chest. Black stopped his attack. Of course, the git wouldn't risk hurting her! Severus was touched by Katarina's attempts to protect him from Black. But it was not the first time after all. He had been right to abandon the Love Philtre.

"Just calm down, Sirius!" Kat pleaded.

"YOU GO TO THE SPRING BALL WITH ME AND YOU KISS HIM?" Black yelled. "AND YOU EXPECT ME TO STAY CALM?!"

Severus savoured the situation. Of course, that was hard for Kat! But he was pleased to see Black so upset and confused.

"Listen, Sirius," Katarina replied. "This is all my fault, not his! I went to this Ball with you and I kissed him. I should never have agreed to go with you--"

"WHY???" Black asked. "DID YOU WANT TO HURT ME?" he added. "YOU KISSED SNIVELLUS!!!"

"Yes, I kissed him," Katarina retorted. "I'm sorry. It wasn't fair to you. I wanted to go with Severus."

Severus stared at Black mockingly. That was really much better than hexing that bastard. Really much better! Would Black have grinned so much in The Hogwarts Gazette, if he had known that he was Katarina's second choice? What a blow, eh Black? An amusing image went into Severus' mind: famous Black, a broad smile on his face, being punched and losing all his teeth on the floor. Delightful!

"You betrayed me!" Black yelled.

"Betrayed?" Kat repeated. She looked dumbfounded. "You were just a friend to me, a kind of brother! I often told you! I NEVER MADE YOU BELIEVE I COULD LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVE HIM!!!"

Black looked bewildered. So was Severus. Although Katarina had already told him once what she felt for him, the fact she claimed it in front of Black changed everything. She had claimed she loved him in front of his most dangerous rival. Severus understood she was really in love with him. He had definitely beat Black. He had definitely won Kat's heart.

"You... you love him?" Black asked, the shock painted on his face.

"Yes, I do!" Katarina exclaimed. "If we hadn't quarrelled three weeks ago, I would have come to the Ball with him!"

"So... That's why you looked sad?" Black asked, amazed.

Katarina nodded.

"B... but... it's Snivellus!!!" Black stuttered.

"No, his name is Severus!" Katarina said sharply.

Severus liked to see her fighting for him. Defending him. Giving him proof of her feelings.

"He's using you!" Black snarled. "He'll take what he wants and then he'll dump you!"

"How dare you!" Severus hissed. Arrogant, little bastard!

"What's happening here?" a voice asked. It was Potter, with his friends. What would Katarina say?

"You won't believe it, Prongs!" Black shouted, infuriated. "Kat and Snivellus are dating!"

"WHAT?!" Potter bellowed. He looked shocked. So was Pettigrew. As for Lupin and Evans, they appeared to be worried.

Katarina took Severus' right hand in hers. Her hand trembled. The moment that she had been dreading had finally come. Now her friends knew about their relationship. Severus feared that she would deny everything, but she didn't. Seeing the faces of Black, Potter, and Pettigrew was delectable.

"You're dating Snivellus?" Potter exclaimed. He seemed to notice they were hand in hand.

"Yes, I'm dating him!" Katarina shouted. "And it's not Snivellus, it's Severus! And I'm not ashamed of dating him. I love him!"

Severus grinned inwardly. First, Black. Second, Potter and Pettigrew. There would be a lot of teeth on the floor tonight!

"You disgust me!" Potter shouted.

"Why?" Katarina exclaimed. "Because you don't like him? James, how many stupid people say they are disgusted because you date Lily? Just because she's a Muggle born! And yet, you love her!"

Severus raised an eyebrow. Hey, he found Evans disgusting too!

"Lily is not Snivellus!" Potter yelled. "And your boyfriend is one of those people!" Potter spat.

Next time Potter would call him 'Snivellus,' Severus would hex him.

"And yet I love him," Katarina replied. "And I won't justify myself for that."

All right, maybe Severus would wait a little before hexing Potter. He couldn't do it in front of Kat.

"Make your choice, Katarina," Black said with a disgusted expression. "Either you break up with him or you lose us as your friends."

Katarina gasped. Severus shivered. Who would she choose? He knew her friends were the most important people in her life, especially since her parents' death. Did she love him enough to renounce them? Severus hardly breathed.

Katarina remained deep in thought for several seconds. She looked sad. Then she stared at Black. "I choose him," she replied, a determined expression on her face.

What? Severus didn't know what to think. Did she choose to break up with him, or to stay with him? Katarina didn't move. Then Severus saw the shock painted on Black's face. He suddenly realised what she had said. Severus was puzzled. Her decision was real proof of what she felt for him. It was strange to imagine she could love him like that, so deeply, although he had treated her so badly. But she loved him; that was the most essential thing.

"So," Black replied furiously. He looked like an angry dog about to bite, "you're not a Gryffindor to me anymore! You're... YOU'RE A FILTHY SLYTHERIN!!!" he yelled.

So what? A filthy Slytherin was still better than a wonderful Gryffindor! Severus wished to make them pay for their insults.

"Then I will be..." Kat responded sadly.

Black and Potter left, outraged expressions on their faces. Pettigrew followed them without saying a word.

'Yes,' Severus thought. 'That's sad. Sniff. Goodbye Black. Have a nice evening alone with Potter and Pettigrew. And think of me while I'm kissing my girlfriend. Sweet dreams, seducer.'

Evans and Lupin moved close to Katarina. They didn't say anything for several long and awkward seconds.

"Kat," Lupin said. "I'm... I'm sorry."

"I know," Kat replied. "I didn't want to hurt Sirius. James and Peter are hurt too, but Sirius... I'm sorry I hurt him so badly."

Severus grimaced. He didn't want Kat to be too sorry for Black. Black was gone. Out. Garbage. Forever.

"I'm sorry I spoiled your evening," Kat continued. "Go after them, both of you," she added. She looked back at Evans. "You don't need to anger them more this evening. They're only mad at me, not at you."

"I'll wait for you in the girls' dormitories," replied Evans. "But, you'd better--"

"I won't come back right away," Katarina interrupted. "It's better if they don't see me again this evening."

"I'm on your side Kat," Lupin said. Severus noticed how much Lupin cared for her. That didn't please him too much. But after all, Lupin had sort of 'helped him' this evening. So it probably meant that Lupin didn't want to steal her from him. Hmmm... Severus had to keep an eye on him.

Evans and Lupin left.

"Do you regret it?" Severus asked. He felt embarrassed by her sadness. He immediately regretted his question. What if she replied yes?

"I've made my choice," she responded. "And I chose you."

Severus sighed inwardly. He held her in his arms and squeezed her against his chest. She sobbed. "I knew it wouldn't be easy..." she said. She breathed hard. "And it really hurts..." she continued with effort, "but I can't give you up... it would be too painful... I couldn't bear it!" she hiccupped.

"I know," he replied. "I couldn't bear it either." Then he kissed her passionately, and even if the world had suddenly collapsed, he wouldn't have stopped. She had chosen him.

***

The Potions master snapped out of his thoughts. Burns was convinced that he had used the Love Philtre on her. No matter what he would say, she would never believe that he had not used it. Burns had never mentioned the Love Philtre before, so Severus had thought... What had he thought? That she had forgotten about that detail? He had just convinced himself that she had forgotten. Because he had wanted to hope...

"Severus," the Potions master heard Dumbledore's voice say. He jumped. Severus turned around, surprised to see the Headmaster in the dark corridor, his wand lit in his hand.

"Did you see Professor Burns?" Dumbledore asked.

"Yes," Severus hissed. He had the impression that the Headmaster was making fun of him again. What was Dumbledore doing in the corridors so late?

"She sometimes dances alone in the corridors at night," Dumbledore said quietly. "I think she is a sleepwalker."

Severus didn't reply. 'Because Burns is dancing in the corridors when she's asleep, she's a sleepwalker?' he thought ironically. 'You're joking!'

"A friend of mine did that too," Dumbledore continued. "He lost his wand once. He spent his nights searching for the object while he was sleeping. Of course, he did not remember anything when he woke up the following day." Dumbledore smiled.

"His wand?" Severus asked with an unconvinced tone.

"Oh," Dumbledore replied. "I think that he was more afflicted by the loss of his wand than he admitted to himself."

What? Was it double language?

"Hmmm," Dumbledore continued in a dreamy tone. "I wonder what Professor Burns lost to dance alone in the corridors of Hogwarts at night. Goodnight, Severus." Dumbledore turned back and left.

What? The words uttered by the Headmaster echoed in Severus' mind. No. Dumbledore was just a foolish old man. It wasn't... she couldn't... And yet, the dance... The... No. She had stopped loving him long ago. Now, there was only disdain in her eyes. She wasn't searching for him. She was searching for explanations. She wanted to know why he had made her suffer so much. How she could have loved him once.

But what if Dumbledore was right?

***

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