Swept From the Past

Chapter 28: The Shadow of Black

Professor Burns was in her office, checking her memories. 'Do not fret,' Dumbledore had said to Katarina, 'This is not the first time such incidents have happened in the castle. It is not your doing. Just the castle. It could happen to anyone, but today, it was you.'

Had she really swallowed that? Yes. Katarina trusted Dumbledore. She couldn't have imagined he'd lie. She had felt a great admiration for the Headmaster. But she had believed so many false things...

Katarina's attitude disgusted Burns. The way she had declared her love to Snape made Professor Burns sick. Had Snape already used the Love Philtre on her? Probably. When had he made her drink the potion? Burns closed her eyes from the pain. After all, it didn't matter. The result was the same.

She turned back to her Pensieve and looked at the following memory...

***

Hogwarts, end of January, Katarina's seventh year.

Katarina entered her common room. She saw that Sirius and Remus had been waiting for her. They stood up immediately. Sirius made a grab for her.

"Kat!" he exclaimed. "Where have you been? We searched in the whole castle for you! What happened? Are you all right?" Sirius looked really worried.

"Let her breathe!" Remus interrupted. He looked worried too, but he was quieter than Sirius. "It's not easy to find someone without the Marauder's Map," he said.

"Damn Filch!" Sirius cursed. "I don't know where he hid it!"

"That's all right," Katarina replied. "Dumbledore found me. "I'm ok!"

"Filthy Slytherins!" Sirius barked. "I'm sure they were behind this trick!"

"They didn't," Katarina retorted. "Dumbledore says it happens sometimes. It could have happened to anyone. I... sort of landed outside the castle, that's all."

"You really gave us a scare!" Sirius exclaimed, in a tone of reproach.

She didn't want Sirius to know how scared she had been. Severus had said that Sirius had wanted to find her. She saw how anxious Sirius had been, and she felt ill at ease. He really cared for her. But she was in love with someone else. Probably the person he hated the most on earth. She imagined herself in Sirius' place, and she felt guilty. She didn't want to hurt him. But it would unfortunately happen one day. What could she say to him? She appreciated he cared for her, but not the way he thought.

"Thank you, guys," she said. "I'm glad I have friends like you."

Katarina perceived disappointment in Sirius' features. Remus smiled protectively.

"So maybe my friend would go to the Spring Ball with me?" Sirius asked.

The Spring Ball? Oh, God, she hadn't even thought of it!

"Don't you have already someone to go with?" Katarina questioned.

"Would I ask you if I had?" Sirius retorted.

"I... I'll think about it," Katarina responded. What else could she reply? "By the way, where are Peter, Lily, and James?" she asked.

"In bed," Remus responded. "Peter left ten minutes ago. He was too tired. Lily went directly to her dormitories from the Great Hall. She doesn't know what happened to you. As for James, he was too exhausted after calling for Lily the whole evening."

"Maybe we should get some sleep now?" Katarina suggested. "It's late, and I'm rather tired too!"

Remus nodded. Katarina, Remus, and Sirius went to their respective dormitories.

Katarina quickly put on her pyjamas. She was exhausted, but she didn't sleep right away. She was deep in thought. The Spring Ball. She had thought of it seriously once or twice in December, but it had seemed far, far away at the time. She had heard several girls speak about it since, but she didn't pay attention. Now, she realised it would be in just a few weeks. How complicated!

She dated Severus, and hid it from everyone. Sirius wanted to go to the Ball with her, but she wanted to go with Severus. And Severus hadn't even asked her. What was she supposed to do? She would have wanted to say 'no' to Sirius. But not tonight. And she couldn't do that before having a partner. Sirius wouldn't give up otherwise. She sighed, and finally fell into slumber.

***

Professor Burns felt her stomach ache. The Spring Ball...

Her breathing accelerated. She almost lost her balance. She leant on the Pensieve, her eyes shut. Firewhisky. She needed Firewhisky. The mere idea of the Spring Ball put her in such a state. The memory of that event was strong.

Burns took a gulp of Firewhisky and went away from the Pensieves. She used the last of her strength to Disapparate to her bedroom. She needed rest. Now. She walked with effort to her bed and collapsed on the covers.

***

Severus Snape tossed and turned in his bed. It was late at night, but Severus couldn't sleep. Burns hadn't come for dinner. As usual, he was worried about her. Why hadn't she come? Was she on mission? Was she ill? Or... even worse?

Severus gulped. No, she was not... dead. He was overreacting. She had probably preferred to eat in her chambers, and she was sleeping now. Yes. She was safe.

Each time he closed his eyes, he saw her. The way she had looked at him when they were younger. The way she was looking at him now... Her warm stare as opposed to her icy stare. She had never betrayed him. And he had kept hiding things from her. He had played a bad game with her. His mission. She had become his mission. In spite of his will...

***

Hogwarts, end of January, Severus' seventh year.

Professor Blazy asked Severus to come to his office. Severus felt tense. He had the awful feeling that Blazy would talk to him about Katarina. He gulped. Whatever Blazy would ask him, Severus had to pay attention to what he would say to the Potions master.

"Master Snape," Blazy said. "First, I want to congratulate you for the miracles you made with Burns. I wouldn't have thought it possible, but the stupid girl has made a lot of progress. Enough to prevent me from being dismissed by Dumbledore."

Severus remained stoic, although hearing Kat referred to as a 'stupid girl' angered him.

"Second," Blazy continued, "I also noticed that Burns has a sort of attachment to you."

Severus grimaced, as if it disgusted him. But he was afraid. Did Blazy know about his relationship with Katarina? The Potions master was not the kind of man who called students in his office to congratulate them. What would come next?

"I know that the idea will revolt you", Blazy added. "I would be sick, if I were you. But I think she has developed... feelings for you." Blazy paused. "I don't know what it is exactly. But she cares for you. I am sure she came to the Slytherin table for you yesterday. She probably knew what was in the jug, and didn't want you to drink it." Blazy paused again. "You saw what the little bitch did in the Great Hall?" he continued more heatedly. "She Disapparated right under my nose! Dumbledore is a fool. Does he really think I don't know who the girl is?"

Who Katarina was? What did it mean?

"Anyway," Blazy continued. "The Dark Lord has a mission for you. He wants you to seduce her and watch her."

Severus frowned. Seduce her? Why did the Dark Lord want him to seduce her?

"Make her fall in love with you," Blazy said, "Use a Love Philtre. The Dark Lord wants to find a way to control Burns. If she can Disapparate, that means she has the power of her ancestors. But her power is not mature enough. Not enough to be stolen."

"Her power?" Severus dared to ask.

"You don't need to know more," Blazy replied sharply. "You just have to obey."

"Yes, Sir," Severus replied.

"By the way," Blazy added, "Next year, I will need an assistant. You are my best student. I offer you the post. Think it over."

Blazy made sign to Severus to leave. Severus stood up, left, and closed the door behind him. He was confused. The Dark Lord had honoured him in giving him an important mission. His father would be so proud of Severus! At last, the Slytherin would measure up to the greatness of his ancestors. This is what he had wanted ever since he was a child. To be the pride of his family!

Soon, he would be able to wear the Dark Mark on his arm. He would be respected, like Malfoy. He would learn more about the Dark Arts. Spells that were only known by great wizards like the Dark Lord! And he would become assistant to the Potions master after graduation! Everything seemed to turn good for him.

But he was scared for Katarina. If the Dark Lord wanted to steal the powers she was meant to own, she was in danger. And Severus didn't want to control her. For the moment, his relationship with Kat was anything but calculated. But now... he had to be an actor, who would play a role he already possessed. He had to be acting, although he was sincere. He felt as if he betrayed Kat, although he never did. It spoiled his happiness.

Severus tried to see it from another angle. After all, he was instructed to seduce her, which he had already done. It was not that bad! Not that bad... Severus tried to convince himself that was good news. The Spring Ball approached. Now, he would be able to invite Katarina to go there with him.

***

Professor Burns woke up in the middle of the night. What had happened to her? Ah, yes... She had suddenly felt very tired. Sometimes her memories provoked such fatigue. But it didn't matter. Now she felt better. She was strong enough to look at other memories. There wasn't time to spare.

Strong enough... Actually, she was hungry. Looking around, she realised that a house-elf had left a tray full of sandwiches on the table. She started eating them, thinking. What had brought her to such a state? Hmmm... Yes, the Spring Ball. She didn't remember anything about that event, but she felt ill at ease. Potter had said that she had been to the Spring Ball with Sirius. But why? Burns had the impression that Sirius had... bothered her. Then why had she gone to the Spring Ball with him?

Burns finished her sandwich. Then she went to her Pensieves to learn more...

***

Hogwarts, February, Katarina's seventh year.

Katarina was on the way to her Transfigurations class. She was thinking. Since the day Severus had searched for her in the park, he was distant with her. He looked tense each time he was with her. Katarina felt guilty. Maybe she shouldn't have told him she was in love with him? But at that moment, everything had looked clear. He had worried about her, and he had confessed he felt something for her. That was all she wanted. But since, he had probably thought about it and regretted it! He had probably been scared! Once again, she had been too impulsive!

And there was Sirius. He was always pestering her about the Spring Ball. Remus told him to let her alone, but Sirius never listened to him.

Katarina entered the classroom. She sat on her chair, and noticed a little envelope on her table.

"That's for you," Lily said.

"What?" Katarina asked. He inspected the envelope. Her name was written on it. There was a note in it:

"For Miss Katarina Burns,

Whose Beauty eclipses the flowers.

P.S.: Will you go to the Spring Ball with me?

Signed: Your secret admirer."

"My secret admirer?" Katarina repeated. Was it a joke?

Suddenly, a vase full of red roses appeared in front of her. Katarina stared at the flowers, dumbfounded. She knew it didn't come from Severus. He would have never offered her flowers in front of the whole class.

Katarina realised that everyone was looking at her. She blushed. Then Sirius came close. Before she could stop him, he took her note and read it loud.

"Sirius!" she exclaimed. She was ill at ease, especially since Severus stared at her.

"So you have a secret admirer?" Sirius asked.

"It seems so," Katarina replied, "or this is just a joke."

"Flowers have a language," Sirius continued. "Do you know what red roses are for?"

Katarina stared at Sirius. She knew he had sent the roses. He looked at her very gravely and tenderly. She looked away. Sirius was handsome. But she didn't love him. She held her wand and uttered a spell. The roses turned pink.

"Yes, I know what they are for," she retorted.

Sirius grimaced. "What will you reply?" he questioned.

"I won't reply anything," Katarina responded. "I won't accept an invitation from the first guy who asks me. Especially if I don't know who he is."

"He probably doesn't know who you are either," Narcissa said. She laughed. "Your Beauty eclipses the flowers? Did a Goblin send it to you?" The Slytherins laughed.

"I don't pretend that I'm pretty," Katarina replied. "But I don't think an admirer could write something like 'you are so ugly that you will make those flowers die.' But maybe you received a note like that? With your big head covered with pustules?" Katarina almost bit her tongue. But it was too tempting.

Everyone except the Slytherins burst into laughter. Narcissa Black stared at her meanly. "One day, you'll pay for that," she said.

"You'll pay first, if you approach her," Sirius snarled.

***

Professor Burns vaguely remembered that Sirius had carried her bag at the end of the class. He hadn't wanted to give it back to her. He had said something like 'that is what gentlemen do.' Katarina was so irritated that she had run away and left him with her bag. Sirius had continued to pester her for weeks. Captain Burns remembered the heavy sensation of being harassed.

Many of the other girls longed to be seduced by Sirius that way. But Sirius liked challenges. He was attracted by what he couldn't have. If Katarina had dated him, he would have probably dumped her in the next few weeks. But she didn't want to date him. He was not the one she loved or needed. He was nice, handsome, and brave. Mister famous. Mister perfection. But she just didn't love him.

Captain Burns sighed. She should have tried to... give him his chance. Not because she regretted a relationship with him. But because she would have been freed from her other feelings. At least she would have tried. It would have been a transition, before finding someone else. And it would have ended her relationship with Snape.

Burns rolled her eyes. How stupid she was. It wouldn't have changed anything. Snape had made her drink a Love Philtre. She couldn't have escaped his hold over her.

***

The Potions master stared at the ceiling. Asking Katarina to go to the Spring Ball with him... It had been so difficult, and he had waited until the last moment. But he remembered the pressure he had been under. His mission... his jealousy...

Severus remembered those awful little games that Black would play with Katarina. And Severus had been enraged. Black always offered 'anonymous' presents to her, signed 'your secret admirer.' Severus would have liked to hex him for that. But Katarina always pleaded Black's cause. Severus was convinced there was something between her and Black. Right, Katarina had changed Black's red roses into pink ones. But Severus would have preferred if she had turned them into thistle.

Severus had felt he and Katarina were less close than before. He was disturbed by his mission, and disturbed by the presence of Black between them. His conflicting feelings confused him. He became angry for no reason, and was always tense. Sometimes, he wanted to take Katarina in his arms. And sometimes, he wanted to push her away, to make her go away from him. He had the 'Death Eaters' duty to 'seduce her,' but his heart told him he had to protect her. First, from himself. And his heart also told him not to let her go. He felt sick each time Black came close to her. He was scared she would choose the bloody git.

Severus remembered that day in seventh year, when Katarina had broken up with him. Or was it he, who had stopped their relationship? He had become angry, and said nonsense to her. He had never wanted to break up with her. He had just been stupid...

***

Hogwarts, end of February, Severus' seventh year.

Severus and Katarina were in their Potions class. Severus decided to ask her to the Ball. Considering that most of the couples had been registered for the Ball since Christmas, he had waited until the last moment. But now, it was time. Damn! How would he do it? He had never talked about it with Kat before. And every couple who was dating was already registered.

"Kat," he said gravely, "I'd like to ask you something. Will you go to the Spring Ball with me? I know that it's in three weeks, and that I haven't asked you before, but--"

"Of course," Kat interrupted. She smiled. "I'll go with you." Severus saw a shadow pass over her face. "But, what will we do about my friends?"

"You mean 'what will you do about Black!'" Severus hissed. "Why? Did he ask you in person to go to the Ball with him?"

"Yes, he asked me in person, but--" Katarina responded.

"And what did you answer?" Severus accused. He knew the response already. He was sure she had accepted. He felt betrayed.

"I didn't answer anything!" Katarina replied. "I just told him I... would think about it..."

"I KNEW IT!!!" Severus barked. It was proof of her guilt!

"I didn't want to hurt him!" Katarina retorted. She looked offended. "And I didn't accept! You don't have the right to shout at me! You've waited until the last moment to ask me to go with you! You didn't even mention you wanted me as your partner!"

"Fine!" he yelled. "Forget it! We'd better not go together!"

"So, I won't go with anyone," Kat replied. She looked disappointed. "Why are you so jealous, Severus? There's really no reason to be!"

"I'm not jealous!" he interrupted, although it was a big lie.

"If you're not," Katarina retorted, "why do you act like that each time I mention my friends? Remember we're hiding from them!"

"Maybe it is because you are ashamed of me!" Severus snarled.

"You're so complicated," Katarina sighed. "I'm not ashamed of you at all... You know very well I'm not! In fact... there's... there's something I didn't tell you."

Severus raised an eyebrow.

"I've already told Lily... and Remus... about us..." Katarina confessed.

"And I guess you forgot to tell me, because...?" he said with anger.

"Because I feared your reaction, Honey," Katarina replied. "We agreed to keep the secret and I told them."

"So you betrayed our secret!" he shouted. She told her friends, and she didn't even tell him she did?

"No, I... I just told them we are together," Katarina said. "It was not easy to do..."

"Yes," Severus replied, "Not easy to tell them you're dating Severus Snape!" She was just ashamed to date him!

"Because I feared James' and Sirius' reactions!" Katarina retorted.

"Of course you feared the REACTIONS OF BLACK, YOUR BOYFRIEND!" Severus snarled.

"YOU ARE MY BOYFRIEND!!!" she shouted. "I DON'T CARE ABOUT SIRIUS!"

"AND I DON'T CARE ABOUT YOU!!!" Severus yelled. "AND NEVER CALL ME HONEY AGAIN! THIS STUPID THING BETWEEN US LASTED TOO LONG! JUST GO TO YOUR STUPID BALL WITH BLACK AND YOUR SILLY FRIENDS! YOU DON'T INTEREST ME ANY MORE!!! YOU ARE NOT USEFUL ANYMORE!!!"

Clap! She slapped him. He didn't say a word, puzzled. Katarina's eyes were full of tears.

"FINE!" she replied sharply. "If that's what you want, I'll go with Black!"

She took her bag and ran out of the Potions class, without saying anything more. She slammed the door behind her.

Severus' heart tightened. He knew he had gone too far.

***

Professor Burns was seeing the same memory in her Pensieves. She grimaced. She had just realised that Snape had confessed several things in that conversation. He had said that he didn't care about her. He had said she was not useful anymore. Not useful? It meant everything. It meant more than what poor Katarina had understood.

The stupid girl had just run away because her stupid feelings were hurt. But there was nothing about feelings in Snape's reasoning. It was just about power. How to control Katarina. How to use her.

So... Katarina had left Snape alone in the Potions class. But what had happened next? Burns wanted to know...

***

Hogwarts, end of February, Katarina's seventh year.

Katarina entered the girl's dormitories. She collapsed on her bed, her eyes full of tears. She buried her face in her pillow and cried without being able to stop. Severus had just broken up with her. He had just played with her. The fact that she loved him had never mattered to him. She had just been... a kind of entertainment.

Katarina heard the door open. Oh no! She wanted to be alone. To cry again and again. But now, everyone would know she had a broken heart.

"Katarina!" someone exclaimed. Katarina recognised Lily's voice.

"What's going on?" Lily asked. She went close and tried to comfort Katarina.

"I..." Katarina sniffed, "quarrelled... with... Severus." Katarina trembled.

"I'm sorry," Lily said. "But it's not a big deal. I keep quarrelling with James too. We even argued this morning, but we've made up."

"It's not the same," Katarina replied. She couldn't stop crying. It was not a simple quarrel. It was a breaking off.

"I sure that it's nothing," Lily said gently. "What happened?"

"Severus asked me to go to the Ball with him," Katarina responded. She sniffed again. "When I asked him what we would do about... you... my friends, he became angry. He accused me of having an affair with Sirius!"

"Are you having an affair with Sirius?" Lily asked.

Katarina raised her head from the pillow, shocked. So... even when she was crying because of Severus, Lily thought it was about Sirius? It was too much. "Of course not!" she exclaimed. "Severus thought I didn't tell you I date him because I was ashamed of him!"

"Well," Lily replied. "Er... are you?"

Katarina couldn't reply. Lily's comment hurt. Katarina threw a desperate look at Lily, buried her face in the pillow, and burst into tears again.

"No, I mean..." Lily corrected, "If you're not ashamed of him, why didn't you tell everyone you're dating him?"

"I told you!" Katarina replied. "You and Remus!"

"What about James, Sirius, and Peter?" Lily asked. "I know that you worry about their reaction, but will you tell them one day?"

"It's difficult to tell them!" Katarina replied. "I'm not ready to face them! If I do, I will lose their friendship! You don't understand what it means for me! I lose all the people that I love!"

Katarina's sobs doubled. She missed her parents. She only had her friends to count on. And she had just lost her boyfriend.

"I'm sorry," Lily said after several seconds. "I hadn't realised." She paused. "I know you are not ashamed of Snape."

Katarina's features softened. "I told Severus you and Remus knew about us," Katarina continued, trying to calm down. "But he felt betrayed."

"Because you told us?" Lily asked.

"Because I didn't tell him you knew," Katarina responded. "He said awful things to me. He broke up with me." Katarina sobbed harder.

"He broke up with you?" Lily's mouth fell agape. "I can't believe my ears! What an awful prat! You're probably the only person who likes him in Hogwarts... and in the entire world! You even... love him! And he breaks up with you?"

"I slapped him," Katarina said.

"Good!" Lily replied. "He deserved it!"

"I regret it," Katarina replied. "I wasn't thinking, when I slapped him. I was too impulsive. But he was so mean with me! And now... I just would like to cry in his arms."

"What are you going to do?" Lily asked.

Katarina took a deep breath. She sponged her tears with a handkerchief, although she wanted to cry again. But she collected herself. "Severus doesn't love me," she said with effort. Her voice quavered. "His message was clear enough. I'll stop our extra lessons and I'll accept Sirius' offer. I don't want to go to the Ball with him. But he wouldn't understand if I didn't go. He's a nice guy. And it's just about dancing." She shrugged her shoulders. "Anyway... it doesn't matter. I just... don't want him to pester me again about the Ball. I just want to be left alone."

"You made the right decision," Lily replied.

Katarina didn't respond. She knew that Lily was happy she'd go to the Ball with Sirius. Lily was not a great actor. How could Lily understand that Katarina didn't have a simple crush on Severus? That she would not date Sirius at the Spring Ball? She was madly in love with someone else.

***

"Lily Evans," Professor Burns commented, "a very, very clever girl. You should have listened to her, you idiot." Captain Burns closed her eyes and moaned. She felt sick again. She took a gulp of Firewhisky. Remembering all those... things... It was too much for the night. She had to take rest. She put the memory back in the Pensieve and returned to bed.

***

Harry, Hermione, Ron, and Neville were about to leave the Transfiguration's class, when Professor McGonagall called for them. Harry sighed. Professor McGonagall's features were more severe than usual. It was not a good sign.

"What does she want?" Ron asked.

"I think it's about our punishment," Harry responded. McGonagall had promised them an exemplary punishment. But she had said that she wanted to consult Snape and Dumbledore first.

"I hope we won't have to do a detention with Filch," Neville said. He looked ill.

"I'm mad at Madam Pomfrey," Ron said. "She made Malfoy's hair grow back!"

"Be glad she managed to repair the damage, Ronald," Hermione snapped. She raised her eyes.

Harry sighed. He didn't understand why Ron and Hermione were so mad at each other. Either they didn't talk to each other at all, or they used short sentences uttered with an acerbic tone. Harry was annoyed, but he had given up. He preferred focusing his attention on Burns and Lupin.

Harry entered McGonagall's office with his friends. He wondered why Malfoy and his gang weren't in the office with them. But he realised that Professor McGonagall was the Head of Gryffindor. Malfoy would probably be called into Snape's office. Harry frowned. McGonagall never played favourites. She would give them a hard punishment. But Snape always favoured his house. Malfoy and his gang would be privileged.

"You four," Professor McGonagall said. "Professor Dumbledore, Professor Snape, and I have had a discussion. We came to the conclusion that a simple detention with Mr. Filch would not be enough. That is why you are all going to do your detention with Professor Burns."

Hermione, Ron, and Neville gasped at the same time. Harry was a little surprised, but he was not afraid of Burns. She had protected him, and she had shown many times she would never harm him.

"Pro--" Ron said.

"You heard well," McGonagall replied coldly. "In three weeks. You will receive an owl to notify you the day and the hour. You may leave now."

"But--" Ron continued.

McGonagall threw him a cold stare. Ron didn't insist.

***

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