Swept From the Past

Chapter 14: Firewhisky and Potions

When Hagrid went to his hut at ten o'clock in the evening, he saw Professor Burns near the Forbidden Forest. Or rather, he heard her. She sang a pirate song and looked completely drunk. She didn't walk straight, laughed devilishly, and took big gulps of Firewhisky from a bottle. Hagrid immediately went to the Headmaster's office, but Dumbledore wasn't there. Then he proceeded to the staff room, where he hoped to find the other teachers.

"Excuse me, Professor McGonagall," Hagrid said to the old sorceress. She was busy knitting a sort of blue coat. "Hav' yeh seen Dumbledore?"

"The Headmaster is not at school," she replied without raising her head. "He had a meeting at the Ministry."

"Oh!" replied Hagrid, ill at ease.

He didn't know what to say. Then he saw that Professor Snape was seated at a table, busy reading.

Hagrid went close to the Potions master. "Hmmm... hmmm," he said.

Snape ignored him.

Hagrid moved closer.

"Hmmm..." he cleared his throat again, louder, hoping that Snape would notice his presence. "Professor Snape..." he finally said, trying not to attract attention.

Snape raised his head. He didn't look happy to be disturbed.

"Yes?" the Potions master replied with a grimace.

"Can I... talk to yeh?" Hagrid said. He made a movement with his head to show Snape that he didn't want to speak in front of the others.

"What is it about?" Snape replied coldly.

The Potions master didn't seem to want to move from his chair.

"It is... a private thin'..." said Hagrid. "Somethin' yeh wouldn't like ter share with other people," he whispered.

Snape raised an eyebrow. He stood up and followed Hagrid.

"What is it about?" Snape asked when they left the room.

"It's about her," Hagrid replied. "Katarina... I mean, Professor Burns."

He had caught Snape's attention.

"I thought I had ter tell yeh... considering... yeh know..." he added, without further explanation.

"To tell what?" Snape interrupted impatiently.

"She's goin' to the Forbidden Forest..."

"She does what she wants!" replied Snape. He looked exasperated, and turned on his heels.

"But she's drunk!" exclaimed Hagrid. He didn't want to have to use force to detain the Potions master. If Professor Snape knew what was going on, he would come with him.

As expected, Snape stopped.

"Drunk?" the Potions master repeated.

"She's right plastered," Hagrid responded, "and she's singing very loudly... With all the centaurs in the Forest, it's not safe!"

"Where is she?" asked Snape. He followed the half-giant to the Forest.

***

When Severus reached Hagrid's hut, he could hear Professor Burns singing. She was obviously tipsy, and was about to enter the Forest.

"Yo ho, Yo ho,
A pirate's life for me!
We pillage and plunder and rifle and loot
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho;
We kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot
Drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!

Yo ho, Yo ho,
A pirate's life for me!..."

Severus quickly detained Burns to prevent her from entering the woods.

"Professor Burns!" he said with anger.

What was she doing? Was she mad? He gripped her by her shoulder.

"You know no one is allowed to go into the Forbidden Forest!" he exclaimed. "The Headmaster said--"

"Oh... but it's little Sevvie!!!" interrupted Professor Burns. She laughed hard, losing the conceited attitude she usually had. She staggered.

Little Sevvie? Again, this awful nickname? She tested his patience.

"How are you, little Sevvie?" she asked. She didn't stop laughing.

"You are drunk!" Severus interrupted, with a reproachful tone. His eyes flashed. Why did she always make things so difficult?

"Yes!" Burns replied. She pointed a finger at him. "You're rrrrrrright!!!" she said.

"God, how much have you had to drink?" exclaimed Severus, furious.

He stared at her from head to foot. She hardly could stand on her feet.

"I've only had one Firewhisky..." she responded. She pointed her finger at him and moved it each time she said something to underscore what she was saying. "...A glass of wine," she continued, "a shot of rum, two of tequila and this bottle of Firewhisky." She raised up the bottle she held in her hand. "See, Sevvie..." she continued, "just one tiny glass of Firewhisky!" she laughed again. "Cheers!"

"Give the bottle to me!" he pleaded. He was distraught to see her in such a pathetic state. What on earth had she been thinking? Silly girl!

"No, little Sevvie..." Burns retorted. She hid her bottle behind her back and said no, with her finger still pointed to him. "This is my bottle..." she continued. "Go to Madam Rosmerta's and get your own."

Severus took hold her free hand, but she violently pushed him back.

"Don't touch me... Svinellus!" she exclaimed, slurring her words.

Severus frowned. "Give me that bloody bottle!" he exclaimed, angrily. He wanted to shake her. To bring her to reason.

"We're really bad eggs..." she sang again.

"Oh, stop this!" yelled Severus.

"Mister Svinellus doesn't like pirate's songs..." she whispered, as if she was hiding a terrible secret. "Mister Svinellus will never like The Emerald Star!" she chortled.

"What?" asked Severus. Those strange men, called 'Lost Pirates,' had uttered these words in The Three Broomsticks. The Potions master immediately thought of what Lucius Malfoy had said about that rebel group. But he had no idea what The Emerald Star was.

"The Emerald Star!" she replied, incapable of telling more. She lost her balance and let her bottle fall on the ground. It broke and splattered all its contents. "Shit!" she swore. Then she knelt in front of her broken bottle. She sobbed. "My bottle... my poor little bottle," she said, "...I killed you, my poor innocent bottle... It's so sad looking at you with your broken bits all around and all this good Firewhisky wasted on the ground." She removed her gloves and caressed the sharp bits of the bottle. She hurt herself but didn't seem to notice.

"Watch out!" warned Severus.

He took her hands away from the dangerous bits. When his hands touched hers, she jumped as if lightning had struck her body.

"Severus!" she suddenly whispered, as if someone else had spoken.

He stared at her, puzzled. Had she really said his name? His heart beat faster. Was there still hope?

Burns pushed his hands away and put her gloves back on. She trembled. She obviously had been moved by something.

Her hands. Something happened when he touched her hands. Or was it the skin contact? 'It is never too late, as long as you are alive,' the Headmaster had said. 'Never too late,' Severus repeated in his mind.

"Don't touch me, Svinellus!" Burns warned, as soon as she had put her gloves back on.

"Let me take you to your chambers," the Potions master replied. He looked at her reproachfully. "There's no need for people to see you this way."

He put her left arm around his neck.

"The famous Captain Burns," he murmured. "You lose all your credibility when you drink. You're just a poor, lost girl with a pathetic attitude."

"Shut up, Svinellus!" replied Burns. She staggered and rested on his shoulder.

***

The next day, Professor Burns had to teach the sixth years at nine o'clock. Professor Snape came in and sat at his place. The students progressively entered and chatted in low voices. Ten minutes passed. Professor Burns had not arrived yet. Then after fifteen minutes, the door opened and she appeared. She wore a big pair of black glasses. She closed the door silently, and went to her desk. She didn't look very well. She bumped into her desk, hurt her foot badly, lost her balance, and almost fell. She swore.

"Stupid, fucking, bloody desk!" she let escape. She grabbed the edge of the desk and stood up. "Don't repeat those words..." she added, turning to the class.

Severus grimaced. Burns really looked ill. However, the Potions master thought she deserved a little lesson. How would she be able to teach today? No matter! He would let her do as she pleases! After all, no one had forced her to drink so much!

She sat on her chair with a great difficulty. A ray of sunlight, which filtered through the window, reached her face.

"Oh, God..." she moaned in a painful way. She held her head and protected it from the light. She made a gesture with her hand. The shutters closed immediately.

"Good morning class," she said with a weak voice. Her head was still bent between her hands. "Today, we will study various methods for repelling enemy spells."

Severus raised an eyebrow. She was making a complete fool of herself. Anyway, he wouldn't intervene! All the students looked at each other. As usual, Granger raised her hand. But Burns didn't look up.

"Professor Burns?" Granger whispered after few minutes. "Professor Burns?" she raised her voice. "Professor Burns?" she said, much more loudly.

"Not... so... loud..." Burns responded slowly, as if she was dying. "Yes, Miss... Granger..."

"We've already done that last week," Granger softly said.

"What?" asked Burns, as if she hadn't heard.

"We've already studied that last week," repeated Granger.

"Oh... yes... that's right..." Burns said finally. "Where's... my... school... syllabus?"

She groped about to find her bag. Her eyes were shut. She made an abrupt movement, and her bag fell onto the floor with a great sound.

"Bloody, fucking bag of shit!" she let escape again. She held her head more firmly.

"What happened to her?" asked several students.

Severus stared at Burns. That was enough. She was too much ill.

"Class dismissed," he ordered. "Now!"

All the students put their school materials in their bags and left quickly. Severus was soon alone with Burns.

"So..." he said with a triumphant attitude. He leant on her desk. "Are you proud of yourself?"

"Oh, shut up..." she replied in a sleepy tone.

"You were so drunk yesterday," Severus said, "that you could have been attacked by the centaurs in the Forest without being able to defend yourself!"

"So what?" Burns said with disinterest. "Next time, let me go there... if I get killed, you'll have my post. Isn't that what you want?"

"I like my current post..." Severus hissed.

Why did she always respond like that? He didn't care about her post! He cared about her!

"Enough to apply..." Burns retorted with an effort, "...for the Defence Against the Dark Arts post fifteen times." She seemed to suffer a lot and her eyes remained shut.

"Do you feel that bad?" Snape asked. Even if he was angry, he was much more worried about her.

She didn't reply.

His jaws clenched. So she had decided to ignore him? He wouldn't allow her to do so! And he knew exactly how to make her pay attention to him.

"I have an anti-migraine potion on me," the Potions master continued, as calm as possible. "It's very effective on the symptoms you have. I can give it to you, if you tell me something."

"Go to hell!" Burns shouted.

She suddenly opened her eyes. Severus knew it would make the migraine intensify.

"Then, I think I'll have to keep this," he responded.

He took a little flask out of his robes and waved it in front of her.

"Come on..." he said after several seconds, "don't you want to know my question first?"

Burns didn't say anything.

Severus grimaced. Did the stubborn girl still want to ignore him? Not for long!

"I'll give you the potion if you tell me why you didn't speak to Potter," he said. "Why didn't you tell him you knew his parents? You can tell him now."

"That is none of your business," she replied furiously.

That was so much better. He hated being ignored.

"I guess it is," Severus retorted. He put the flask under her nose. "I remember how much you cared about him when he was just a baby."

"He's not a baby anymore," replied Burns. "And I don't care about him anymore," she corrected. "I don't care about anyone anymore."

"You certainly don't care about yourself anymore," replied Severus. "But you're a liar. I know you came back here to protect him." He paused. "I guess you didn't tell him anything because you don't want to dig up buried secrets. Maybe it would be too painful for you," he threw her a knowing stare.

"Don't speak to me about pain!" Burns replied with anger. Her eyes flashed. "And, by the way, Snivellus, maybe you should take care of yourself first. You look pretty neglected these days," she said.

Severus smirked. Ouch! He hadn't expected that one.

"Some day, you will have to talk about everything," he whispered under his breath. "Believe me, you weren't the only one who suffered."

"Shut up!" Professor Burns yelled. Then she held the left side of her head more tightly.

Severus stared at her. It was too early to speak about that. He stood up and left her alone. He left the potion on her desk.

***

When Professor Burns came to the staff room in the evening, she looked better. She didn't wear her black glasses anymore, and the pain seemed to have disappeared. Except Burns, Severus was the only person in the room. He was seated at a table. Burns sat at another table and opened a large, old book. That meant she wasn't about to leave. After a few minutes, the Potions master stood and took the seat next to hers.

"So," he inquired, "do you feel better now?"

"Yes," she replied.

"Remember what I asked you this morning?" he said.

"Enough!" she snapped. She took her purse out of her robes. "How much do you want?"

"I beg your pardon?" Severus asked, puzzled. He wasn't expecting that. Did she just offer him money?!

"You did me a favour this morning," Burns replied. "So tell me the price!"

"Who do you think I am, Professor Burns?" Severus hissed.

"Come on," Burns said, "in all, two Potions... two or three Galleons, maybe? Don't be shy, Professor Snape."

The Potions master stared at her. That hurt. His heart tightened. Didn't she know why he had given her those potions?

"I don't care about your money!" he whispered under his breath like an angry snake. "I gave you the potion, hoping you would feel better! I wasn't expecting to be paid for it! Do you think my current post is insufficient, Burns? Do you think I'm not able to support myself?" he exclaimed, irate.

"I don't want to owe you anything!" she retorted with a snort. "So, what do you want?"

"I told you what I wanted!" Severus shouted. "Why didn't you tell the boy you knew his parents?"

"I won't tell you!" she responded furiously.

"But I can tell him!" he retorted. He was still angry about the money. Of course, he wouldn't tell the boy, but he was pleased to threaten Burns. She had wounded his pride with her mean words!

"I forbid you to do that!" Professor Burns yelled. "Now, leave me alone! If you don't want to be paid, that's not my problem!"

"Actually, I want something," Severus said, considering her proposal. After all, since she insisted on paying him, he would require something from her. And he knew his demand would anger her more than anything. His lip curled up a little.

"And what is it?" asked Burns. She didn't look up, as if absorbed in her book.

"A kiss," he responded.

"No!" Burns refused categorically. She snapped her book shut and looked at him straight in the eye. "This is out of the question!" she yelled with disdain.

Severus was about to reply. Unfortunately, Professor McGonagall and Professor Sprout came into the room at that moment, and installed themselves at a table.

"Well, I've changed my mind," Burns replied. She smiled ironically. "But the thing is that the proposition expires in three seconds. One, two, three... that's a shame Professor Snape. But maybe you should ask Filch to give you what you want?" she laughed. "Your chair is expecting you!" she said cordially. She showed him the place where he was seated before she came in. "Goodbye, now!" she added.

Severus grimaced and returned to his place, disappointed.

Suddenly, a white owl with black wings arrived and circled in the air. A shrill cry pierced the peace of the room. The owl flew directly to Professor Burns. It let fall a little envelope, inscribed with the word IMPORTANT in red letters. Burns quickly opened it. Then her face became livid.

"Remus!" she violently whispered, as if she was in shock. She let the letter drop. The room shook. The tables jumped and all the glass receptacles exploded.

"What's going on?" Professor McGonagall exclaimed.

"Go and bring the Headmaster back!" Severus ordered. "You both!" he commanded. "I'll stay with her."

Professor McGonagall and Professor Sprout exchanged a worried stare. Then they left the room.

Severus picked up Burns' letter and read it. There was only a sentence written:

"Remus Lupin kidnapped by Death Eaters."

Burns sat on the floor. She quickly took out the little bottle she carried with her and had a drink. Her hands shook and she breathed hard. She took another drink and finally drained the whole bottle. She bent her face, and held it between her hands. She seemed to attempt to sort out her ideas. She appeared to suffer a lot. Then she spoke to herself in a strange manner, as if she fought against herself.

Severus took the empty flask and smelled it. "Firewhisky," he said.

"What must I do? What must I do?" Burns repeated endlessly now. Her body moved back and forth as if she was in a sort of trance. "Sirius, tell me, what must I do?" She became weirder and weirder, and changed from tears to laughter. "Who am I?" she said. "I'm lost. Sirius, where am I?" She continued. "I've lost my way... Where are you? I miss you! You told me you wouldn't go away... I can't follow you beyond it..."

Severus was terrified. Had she gone mad? And why did she speak about Black? Why Black? Why Black again?

"Why... am I not dead?" she sobbed. "I'm in a living hell... It's insupportable! Remus... What must I do to save him?" She suddenly chuckled very satanically, always sobbing, as if she was possessed by evil. "Why were you right, Sirius?" she continued. "Oh, God, why were you right? Oh, God... why did he leave me? Why did he lie?"

Severus had become whiter than ever. He knew he didn't have the right, but he would do without her permission. He had to know. Now was the time. He put his left hand under her chin and raised her head slowly. Her skin was frozen. He took his wand in his right hand.

"Now look at me!" he said, his voice shivering. He gazed into her now icy, expressionless, green eyes. "Legilimens!" he uttered.

When he looked into her deepest thoughts, he saw something he didn't expect to find. Mixed feelings of rage, despair, and pain. The impression that the whole world was empty, that every memory was an iced knife plunged into her heart, that nothing counted anymore in the world. Just the strong desire to disappear. It was just like being in the presence of a Dementor, every feeling of joy destroyed from her soul itself. It was unbearable.

Then he saw many images of massacres: the death of many people she tried to help; the battles she had against vampires and other dangerous creatures. These visions flashed by quickly in his head, from one bad memory to the next. As if she had never had even one good memory.

"Finite Incantatem!" he exclaimed finally. The vision ended. "Oh God!" he said. His voice trembled more than ever. "How can you bear all this pain, Kat? How can you?"

He took her in a warm embrace, incapable of speaking more. He had wanted to know. But he didn't know how to help her. Maybe that bastard, Black, had found something. But he was dead now! Black! How ironic! The Potions master had been happy, when he had heard Black was dead. And now, he regretted it. Severus felt furious when he thought of that. If Black hadn't been there many years ago, things would have turned out differently! Very differently!

Severus brushed a lock from Burns' face. He found her so beautiful, even with her scar. He caressed her left cheek gently and closed his eyes painfully. Bloody Black!

Several minutes passed. Burns moaned. She slowly opened her eyes.

"Where... am I?" she asked. She seemed to have recovered her spirits. "Why are you holding me like this, Professor Snape?" Her eyes flashed.

"You... sort of fainted," Severus replied awkwardly. "I tried to help, but you were delirious."

"Hmmm..." She snorted. "I will let it go this time, but don't touch me again. I warn you!"

"What are you doing?" Severus exclaimed when she stood up. "You must stay calm! You're not well!"

"I'm perfectly well, Professor Snape," she mocked.

The Potions master raised an eyebrow. "You can't--" he said.

"I've got something to do," she interrupted. "An important mission. So if you excuse me, Mister Snape, I really have to go!" She smirked.

"You can't go and rescue Lupin in your condition!" Severus snapped.

"Well, I don't see you volunteering to help," Burns leered. "You also put your nose in my business and read something you were not supposed to. Some things never change!"

"You're right, Burns," replied Severus. " Some things never change. Many things that were there many years ago are still there."

"I don't know what you mean," she retorted.

Severus frowned. Oh, she did not know? All right, he would deal with it! "By the way..." he replied. He gripped her body suddenly, and planted a passionate kiss on her lips. "Three," he said, his lip curled up for the second time that day, "I count very slowly..."

Severus knew Burns had been surprised. She looked lost and took several seconds to recover. Then she looked at him very crossly.

"Bastard!" she cursed. She pushed him back violently, and made him fall on the floor. Her hands trembled. "You've been paid now," she menaced. "Never try this again, or I swear I'll torture you to death!" Then she Disapparated.

Severus stayed on the floor. He smiled slightly. Of course, she had pushed him away, but he had stolen a kiss. That was not much, but enough to give him hope. After all, she hadn't killed him, as she had threatened to do so many times. Maybe it was not too late?

***

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