Uric the Oddball and the Great Goblin Uprising

Chapter 3: Ah, Paris!

Mena ran for the toilet as soon as they entered the Leaky Cauldron, telling Uric and Louis to wait for her. She frowned at her reflection in the mirror, taking in the streaks of soot that covered her entire body.

"You're a mess, dear," said the mirror helpfully. Mena stuck her tongue out at it. Pulling out her wand, she cast some cleaning charms until there was no sign of dirt. She undid her hair and ran her hands through it until it was relatively straight, then stared at her reflection again. It was passable. A few years ago, she wouldn't have cared how she looked, and if anyone asked, she still didn't care. But, well, she liked the looks that the boys were giving her at the smithy and at school, and it really didn't take as much time as she thought to comb her hair in the mornings, or to put on a piece of jewellery.

She transfigured her dress into robes of the same colour, and hoped the spell would hold for as long as they were in the wizarding world. She wasn't as good at Transfiguration as Uric and Louis, but she didn't want to ask them for their help. With one last look at the mirror, she went back into the main room of the pub. They were waiting for her near the Diagon Alley side.

Uric was chatting happily with an old painting on the wall. The wizard inside the painting was slowly edging behind his frame in an attempt to get away. Louis was watching the scene with a faint smile on his face, but Mena could tell from the way his hand was impatiently tapping on his leg that he was annoyed. Why was this trip to Paris so important to him?

"You want to tell me what this is all about?" she demanded once she had reached them.

"Not in here," said Louis tersely. He gestured towards the door with his head, and headed for it, leaving Mena to grab Uric's robes and pull him out the door. Louis didn't speak as he tapped the proper pattern to enter Diagon Alley on the new bricks. It had been rebuilt after the Great Fire had nearly overwhelmed Diagon Alley's magical protections. Once the archway appeared, he dashed through. Mena frowned as she hurried to follow him. Louis was really upset about something. She continued to pull an unresisting Uric along since it was easier then letting him go and hoping he followed. Louis hurried down the alley, and finally ducked into a gap between two of the buildings. He was leaning against the wall when they entered, practicing his 'dark and silent' look as Mena had taken to calling her friend's brooding moods.

"We need to go to Paris," said Louis before she could ask. Mena made an impatient gesture. She already knew that. "And the reason why is because there's going to be a meeting."

"A meeting," repeated Mena. Her annoyance made her voice very flat. "And why do we have to be at this meeting?" Louis wasn't looking at them. Instead he was staring at the opposite wall. Uric was looking that way as well with a puzzled look on his face. Louis broke off his staring contest with the wall to look at her. He didn't seem worried about convincing Uric, but then Uric was more trusting than she was.

"I can't tell you how I know about this, Mena," he said, and there was a pleading element to his voice that she had never heard before. He was staring straight at her, his eyes serious. "But if we hear what I think we're going to hear, then I can bring this to Mr. Beaufolle's attention and maybe we can stop it before it begins."

"What are we going to hear?" asked Mena in a whisper. Louis' seriousness was transferring itself to her. She would have felt much better if Louis had just told her they were going to Paris on a school boy's lark. Louis shook his head.

"I can't tell you until we get there." Mena stared hard at him, then came to her decision.

"What's the plan?" she asked. Louis blinked.

"You're really not going to ask me what I know?" he asked incredulously. Mena wasn't sure whether to be annoyed or amused by his tone. She didn't make all her decisions out of an urge to be contrary.

"I-" she began, then frowned. That wasn't what she wanted to say. She pointed to Uric and herself. "We're Hufflepuffs, Louis. That means we're loyal to our friends, even when they're being secretive bastards." Louis smiled as if she had given him a compliment, and she found herself smiling back.

"The plan is simple," he said. "We go to Paris and play tourists for the day. The meeting will be late tonight near the Palais du Luxembourg. That's where we wait and use any appropriate spells to eavesdrop on the meeting."

"Will the meeting like that?" asked Uric, having finally abandoned staring at the opposite wall.

"The meeting won't mind," answered Louis. "But the wizards attending it might. We're going to have to be very careful. You'll need to be very quiet, Uric. You understand?" Uric nodded. Mena doubted he did understand, but they would have the whole day to impress the idea upon him. A thought occurred to her.

"How are we getting to Paris?" she asked.

"Portkeys are out," said Louis with a grimace. "They log them all and we can't afford to be remembered."

"Floo?" she suggested, pleased with the idea. She really enjoyed travelling by Floo powder. She had only used it a couple of times, but she liked the thrill it gave her. Louis shook his head.

"Strangely enough, there's no floo connections between Britain and France. It might have something to do with their conflicting governmental systems," he said sarcastically. She frowned. No floo then. What was left?

"We can fly there on dragons," said Uric excitedly. "Or we can transform into ducks and fly there ourselves. Or we could ask the merpeople to take us across the water. Or we-" Louis cut him off.

"Or we could use the magic carpet I have in my pocket," he said. Mena felt like punching him.

"You could have told us sooner," she said.

"We should get going," Louis said, ignoring her. "It'll take over an hour to get there at this carpet's speed."

"Where did you get it?" asked Mena curiously as they followed out of their little alleyway.

"It was in a cupboard in my house. My father hasn't used it in years," said Louis offhandedly.

*****

It was the ugliest carpet Mena had ever seen, and after sitting on it for nearly two hours she had seen way too much of it. They had taken off from a small clearing at the other end of Diagon alley that was cleared for wizards with brooms and carpets. The yellowish-coloured carpet had wobbled as it took off, but once they were in the air it gave them a relatively smooth flight, especially with Uric cheering it on. She would have preferred a broom, but most brooms didn't come equipped with invisibility charms like the carpet did.

"Are we there yet?" she asked. They had left the water of the channel behind and were now flying over the countryside, but she had no idea what Paris looked like.

"For the third time, does that cow down there look like Paris?" exclaimed Louis. She stared at him. Louis was sarcastic, but he never lost his composure. She bit down hard on her lip to keep from demanding why he was so nervous. With a muffled thump, she settled back down onto Uric's stomach, which she had been using as a pillow for the duration of the journey. Uric grunted a little at the force of her blow, but otherwise continued the task he had been preoccupied with since their flight began.

"And that one looks like a Graphorn wearing a dress. And that one could be a wagon following behind it filled with drunken owls. And that one looks a lot like the Grey Lady, and that one..." Uric continued to describe whatever he could see, despite the fact that there were exactly two small clouds in the sky that were white, fluffy and not at all shaped like anything in Mena's opinion. Uric's voice was soothing however, and the sun beating down was warm. Mena found herself dozing until she realized that Louis was calling her name.

"Mena," he said softly.

"What?" she asked groggily. He usually poked her with his wand when she fell asleep over her notes. Of course, she wasn't at Hogwarts...She opened her eyes and looked around. She was curled on her side, her head cradled against her hands. Louis was looking over the edge of the carpet, though she could have sworn he was right in front of her a second ago. She looked around. They were alone on the carpet.

"Uric's jumped off," said Louis over his shoulder. "He seems to have landed now." His voice sounded odd. Mena looked over the edge and was shocked at how high they were. There was a large city below them with a river meandering through it. It reminded her vaguely of London only there were a lot more grandiose buildings dotting the city.

"Where is he?" she asked. Louis pointed to a small little dot that she could just make out swimming for the shore of the river below them. "How did he survive?"

"It's going to give me nightmares for weeks thinking about it," said Louis in a shaky voice. He wasn't a coward. He wouldn't have been able to follow them on all their adventures if he was, but what Uric had done clearly bothered him. "He made the water catch him. It reached out, like a giant hand and caught him." Louis shuddered, and Mena understood. Louis was afraid of water. She didn't really understand why, but when they were outside he always stayed well away from the lake, not even looking at it if he had the choice. No wonder he had stayed in the middle of their carpet for most of the voyage. Mena looked over the edge again, and at the tiny dot that was Uric. It was a long way down.

"Perhaps we can go down the normal way," she said, proud that her voice was steady. Louis nodded and pulled away from the edge.

*****

Uric found his wand, curled up in his waterlogged pocket, and used it to dry himself off. The water had been very nice, but a bit too wet for his tastes. His attention was caught by a dirty looking Muggle sitting under the nearest bridge. The Muggle was gently banging his head against the bridge behind him, muttering to himself while he compulsively pet the little mongrel dog in his lap. The dog had a bald spot where the man had stroked him so often.

"Excusez-moi, Monsieur. Est-ce que vous savez pourquoi les bêtes n'ont pas la capabilité de parler?" Uric asked politely. He had learnt French when he was younger on the insistence of his father. Though his father had said he regretted it when he took Uric to visit his French relatives when he was nine. He was never allowed to mention his Great Aunt's beard again. The Muggle looked at Uric with bleary eyes.

"Eu? Ne mange ma petite!" He held the tiny dog even closer to himself, not even noticing when the dog bit down on his hand for squeezing it to hard. Uric decided he might get a better answer from the dog. He was addressing the question to the dog when Louis and Mena ran up. Louis was purposely staying very close to the walls that lined the river.

"You could have come to meet us," said Mena in disgust. "What are you doing?"

"Talking to the doggy."

"Well, the he's certainly more likely to provide coherent conversation," said Louis from his place near the wall. "I can smell the alcohol on that Muggle from over here. Come on, Uric. Transfigure your clothing and let's leave." Uric looked regretfully at the dog, then did as he was told. Mena and Louis were already in their earlier Muggle clothing. They ignored the drunk's sputtering about 'étrangers'.

"Where are we going?" Uric asked curiously. They started walking along the banks, looking for the stairs to the upper levels.

"I thought we could see Notre Dame Cathedral," said Louis casually. Mena stopped walking.

"A cathedral? Will they let us in?" She sounded worried.

"We're wizards, Mena, not devils," said Louis dismissivelyIf I've understood correctly, everyone has a right to enter a church, so unless we start waving our wands about - Don't even think about it, Uric! - we should be fine." Mena nodded reluctantly.

"So where is it?" she asked. Louis glanced around them, then pointed at a jumble of mismatched buildings. Behind the buildings, they could just make out tall, marble spires and the edges of stain glass windows.

"It's supposed to be much prettier inside," said Louis doubtfully.

It was crowded in front of the cathedral. People were busy going in and out, with hundreds of little children running in between the people, laughing whenever they bumped into someone, especially when that someone started cursing at them. Uric wondered why Muggles bothered with curses when they didn't actually do anything. They had to push through the crowd to get inside, though Uric nearly fell over when two of the children crashed into him at once. They ran into Mena as well. When they finally got out of the way one of them was limping from where Mena had kicked him in the shin.

"Why is it so crowded?" Mena complained once they got inside. Louis knew that Mena spoke French, but she obviously hadn't bothered to listen. He tilted his head to listen to the people around them.

"I think it's a saint's day," he said. His French was a little rusty. His mother was from a French pure-blooded family, but she hadn't spoken her own language around him since he was little. They moved down one of the aisles where it was less crowded, and it wasn't just Uric who was being distracted by the decor.

The cathedral was beautiful. The soft light from the stained glass windows illuminated even the centuries of soot that stained the stones. The rose window especially had them staring. Mena was convinced they had used magic to create it. Uric was scolded by a priest when he got too close to the High Altar. Uric was only curious to see the beautiful carvings in the wood around it, but the priest wouldn't accept that.

"What's penance?" Uric asked his friends once the priest had gone. Mena shook her head. She had been trying not to giggle at the priest as he attempted to explain the sacredness of the altar to a clueless Uric. Her French was actually the best out of the three of them. She had a gift for languages, which explained why she took Magical Languages at Hogwarts instead of the Alchemy lessons that the boys attended. Louis had wandered over to a small side chapel during the scolding and was staring with interest at the marble face of one of the buried patrons of the cathedral. Uric and Mena followed, surprised that the side room was deserted.

"I'm amazed that there are no ghosts here," said Louis once they had joined him. The walls around them were embedded with small headstones and inscriptions. The inscription beside the stone sarcophagus said that its owner had been beheaded many years earlier. Both Mena and Louis jumped when the marble face came to life.

"There are, but the priests don't want to believe in us," it whispered in a deep voice. "Most of us sleep..." The marble face froze back into position.

"Poor, Mr. Ghost," said Uric.

"Or poor you," said an unfamiliar voice. They all turned to see a pretty woman in a scarlet dress that showed an awful lot of her. It was amazing they had let her in the church. Mena stepped forward to confront the woman, while Louis took a step back, leaning against the sarcophagus as he fumbled behind his back for his wand. He knew a dark witch when he saw one. They all had the same disturbing propensity to wear as little clothing as possible.

"Why poor us?" asked Mena, her tone angry.

"Because you had the misfortune of wandering in here. We had hoped to catch a few Muggle-borns who didn't know their heritage, but now we have a prize. Three almost-trained wizards, and from Britain at that. No one will miss you!" She sounded positively delighted at the prospect. Louis finally got his hand around his wand, but kept it where it was, waiting for his opportunity. Perhaps Mena would have the sense to go for her own wand, even if she did tend not to think properly when she was angry. Uric was watching the exchange with interest. He didn't seem to have realized they were in any danger.

A movement caught Louis' eye and he nearly groaned. There were two more wizards waiting to support the dark witch. Getting out of here wasn't going to be easy.

"What do you want us for?" demanded Mena. Her hand slid into her pocket for her wand, but Louis suffered a severe disappointment when it came away empty. The woman smiled wickedly at them.

"Looking for this?" she said, holding up both Mena and Uric's wands. Louis' eyes widened. The children who had bumped into them outside. Pickpockets, and good ones at that. But Louis never carried his wand in the usual places. He met the eyes of the woman and was startled to see they were a brilliant yellow, like an animals. She knew he still had his wand. This was hopeless. "Now, if you children would follow me." She gestured towards a dark, wooden door in the side of the alcove. Mena stood her ground.

"Never," she declared. "Help!" The scream echoed through the tiny room. The woman's smile never wavered.

"That would have worked if I hadn't warded this area. No one can hear or see us." Mena still didn't move. Louis was frozen by how foolish she was being, but then he saw her hands, which were usually clenched in fists when she was angry. They were pointing at him. What did she want him to do?

"You're just going to kill us anyway. You can do it here," said Mena, her hands still pointing. The dark witch started laughing. Uric stopped looking at her, and focused on Mena's hands. He was frowning.

"But we need your blood for our ceremony," said the dark witch seriously once she had calmed down. "You wouldn't want to disappoint me." There was a creepy smile on her face.

"Ghosts," bit out Mena, and for a second Louis was thinking that was the most disappointing oath he had ever heard, then he realized what she meant. He pointed his wand at the sarcophagus behind him and began a spell. He attempted to mutter it without moving his lips, though he was scared that he would mispronounce something. Spells to do with the dead were not to be taken lightly, or so his father had always told him.

"Mr. Ghost! Help us!" called out Uric. He seemed to have reached the same conclusion, but since he didn't have a wand he had chosen a different tact. The sarcophagus behind Louis began to shudder. He counted silently to three, then launched himself forward. The dark witch had her wand trained on Uric, reminding him that no one outside could hear them. Many things seemed to happen at once.

Louis slammed into Mena, who fell forward and decided to take the dark witch down with her. Mena and Uric's wands went scattering across the floor, and Mena scrambled after them. A great howling could be heard and a deep crack as the sarcophagus lid hit the marble floor. A rotting corpse dressed in faded finery and missing its head stepped across Louis to shuffle towards the dark witch. The howling grew worse and the woman was surrounded by spirits. They spiralled around her nearly obscuring the view.

"The spirits who are already in here can hear us though," explained Uric to the distracted woman. They could no longer see her through the spirits, though they could hear her curses. One of the spirits of a young woman detached itself from the group and headed towards Louis.

"We'll keep her busy, but the wards are still up. You must flee through the crypts." Already Louis could see that Mr. Ghost's corpse was failing. The swirling around the dark witch seemed to be slowing, and he remembered the two wizards who had been guarding the alcove. The crypts it was.

"Come on," he said, and went over to the small, wooden door. A dry smell of dust and decay wafted out of opening. Louis headed down the stone steps into the dimly lit vaults. Mena hesitated at the door, but was prevented from protesting when Uric slammed into her, and they both went tumbling down the steps.

"Thank you," called Uric as he fell. Louis saw one of the ghosts slam the door behind him. Mena untangled herself from Uric and angrily handed him his wand. Her hair and clothes were once again streaked with dirt, though Louis was sure that he and Uric looked just as bad.

"Where do we go?" she asked. Louis looked around, seeing why she had asked. There were dark openings all over, leading in all directions.

"Light your wand, Uric," Louis ordered. Uric did as he was told. Louis gestured at the various openings. Who knew how quickly they would break through the ghosts and the door? "Pick a path and let's go."

Historical and Translation Notes:

(1): Excuse me, Sir. Do you know why animals don't have the capability of speech?

(2): Eh? You're not eating my little one! (I purposely messed up the drunk's grammar and speech because I doubt he'd speak proper French so no French grammar flames:))

(3): The drunk was muttering about 'strangers' or 'foreigners'.

Most of London burnt down in 1666 in a fire that started on Pudding Lane, hence the nursery rhyme (See? Pudding Lane. Uric was right!). Everything in London was rebuilt in brick. The Palais de Luxembourg is currently where the French senate meets. In Uric's time, it was owned by one of the many French aristocrats. Louis XIV (or the Sun King) was ruling France at this time. Up until the 1960's, you still couldn't see Notre Dame Cathedral due to the buildings built up in front of it.