Nicole Stevens: Roses and Mistrust

Chapter Seventeen: Come What May

Dear Diary,

It's been two weeks since our escape from--I'm not even going to write it. Let's just say it's been two weeks since we arrived back at Hogwarts. Harry is well, mostly. He was in the hospital wing for three days, but I'm STILL here. He visits me every day, being sure not to forget a bunch of roses. I still haven't told him about what happened after he was taken away. The only people I have told about the Dark Mark on my arm are Professor Dumbledore, and Snape. Dumbledore has made Snape teach me how to cope with the nearly constant burning of the Mark's call. He has said that though it is difficult, I will learn to ignore it, after a while.

I have grown to be fond of Snape, as unbelievable as that may seem. He's much nicer than he seems, actually. I think he is sympathetic for me, because I am so young, and was forced to join the Death Eaters. He, on the other hand, had CHOSEN to be a Death Eater. While I don't understand WHY he would want to do such a thing, Snape says I will understand when I am older. I think that Snape has taken a liking to me. He seems to be less cold and restricted now, at least towards me. He won't admit it, but I know he thinks that I'm a good kid. I class, of course, nothing has changed at all. I am still a Gryffindor, bound to be punished by the Potions Teacher.

Dumbledore has made Snape teach me some hexes and defense spells. Now I know how to stun someone, freeze a person, and block curses. I have to remember to thank Snape. He's been loads of help. I don't think I would have managed the constant burning of the mark without him. It has been difficult, as I no longer may wear short-sleeved shirts, and I cannot wear a bathing suit, without applying a lot of concealing magical make-up. Snape has explained to me how he has managed it for fourteen years, and I think I understand more about his past than the rest of the student body combined. Snape's really not so bad as he seems. I think I'll send him a gift over the summer, but I might not.

Hermione and Ron have not broken up yet. They both have thanked me for helping them out, and getting their relationship on track. Ron doesn't blush every time Hermione kisses him on the cheek, now. And Hermione doesn't blow up at him when he says the wrong thing. Neither of them have had too many problems with the other. Ron has told me about how he is going to invite Hermione to stay with him over the summer and I have supported his idea fully. Hermione knows nothing about it, but I have a feeling that Ron will ask her soon.

Draco has come back to school, with made-up excuses for his absence. No doubt the corny lies are some scheme of Lucius's. Dumbledore, of course, knows the truth, but he has allowed the lies to stand. He told me that it was alright for Draco to have some privacy. I guess that's true.

Draco and I have not spoken once since his return. I suppose the reason is because his father has forbid him to, but you never know. Maybe he hates me now. I honestly don't know.

The whole school has heard about what happened at the Dark Lord's castle. I am the center of attention, and I hate it with a passion. However, it doesn't make any difference, because they will all eventually forget about me, and go back to thinking about their own lives. And I'll wave thank you to them when they do. All in all, I much prefer the quiet of my normal life, though I doubt that I will ever get that luxury again.

I realized something during my captivity; I found out that you never truly know what a marvelous life you have, until it is snatched away from you. And when it's gone, you find out how good you had it. When your love of life dies, then your spirit leaves with it. I know now that I took everything for granted. Every breath, I should have been thankful for, but I wasn't. Every sunset, every kiss from the softly blowing wind, every wash of happiness I took for granted. Now I don't. I thank my guardian angel every time I take a breath. I thank the world when I see the sunrise or the sunset. I love the soft breeze on my face, now. I feel completely lucky. Lucky for life, lucky for friends, lucky for everything I have. And I know the two things that I took most for granted. Harry and Draco. They were always there for me, whether or not I realized it. The both of them would go to the ends of the earth for me, and I know that now. I think I knew it a long time ago, but now, I consciously know. It's the most life-impacting thing I could imagine. Without them, I would not be writing this now.

Harry came to see me today, like he always does. He brought me six white roses and six red roses. Harry said that the white ones represented his trust of me, and the red signified his love. Of course, a very nice kiss ensued once he had finished telling me. Eventually, Madam Pomfrey noticed us, and shooed him away. Both of us were very indignant about it, but she said that swapping saliva was not going to get me well any quicker. In fact, she went on, it would most likely make my "condition" worse. I told her I didn't have a stupid condition, and she ordered Harry out so she could tend to me. I swear adults are out there to spoil our fun.

So, that's two confessions of undying love right there. Ron and Hermione's, Harry's and mine. There's one thing that I haven't gotten cleared up, and that's what I am going to do about Draco. If he hates me, then I'll let him hate me. But, if he doesn't, then how does he feel? I suppose I'll have to wait for him to tell me.

My parent's have been notified about what happened, of course. My dad sent me a letter saying that he had had to restrain my mom from taking the car and driving all the way to Hogwarts to get to me. I sent a return owl, claiming that I was fine, and nothing was wrong. My mom sent a letter saying that if I needed her she'd come down and take care of me. I'm sure she told my father off for telling me about how anxious she was when she'd heard.

Let's see, I think I'm going to invite Harry over for the summer. He told me about his horrible aunt and uncle, and I think that it'd be better for him to stay with me, instead of them. I haven't asked Harry yet, but I know Harry will say yes. Dumbledore says that he will have a-What did he call it? A Fidelis Fidilius Fidelius Charm-put on my house, so that no one will be able to find me. He says I'll need a Secret Keeper, and Dumbledore has offered. I'm glad that he did, because I didn't want to choose Harry. After all, Voldemort's after Harry, too. So, when I arrive home, Dumbledore will come with me, to perform the spell. I'll be happy to be safe.

Oh, here's Ron. He's talking with Hermione about something, but I don't know what. It's probably about her going to stay the summer, but I don't know for sure. They're coming over to my hospital bed as I write this, looking happy. Hermione has a pink flush rising in her cheeks and I'm betting that Ron has asked her. Good for him. Ron starts talking to me about how Harry's going to come in a while, and they're here to start a diversion, so that Madam Pomfrey won't throw Harry out. He's obviously told them about earlier. Oh well, I don't care if they know or not. It's not a big deal. Hermione tells me that she's so thankful that I helped her and Ron sort things out. I shake my head and tell her that it wasn't a problem and that that's what friend's are for.

Five minutes later, after various ramblings on both Ron and Hermione's part, Harry sneaks quietly in. Ron and Hermione nod at each other and rise from their seats. As he was passing the storing cabinets, Ron knocks over a tray of potion bottles. Hermione begins to scold him loudly, but then Peeves the Poltergeist comes in, no doubt attracted by the loud crash. Peeves begins pelting around the room, throwing things and knocking over everything.

Harry sits down beside me and I toss this diary onto the chest beside my bed.

It's been half an hour since I wrote that last bit, and now Harry's gone. Well, not GONE per se, he's down at the foot of my bed with Ron and Hermione, cleaning up the mess Peeves made. I think they planned for Peeves to come. It was good of all of them, really. I must remember to thank them profusely for this. I had a very enjoyable time.

Now the Hospital wing is clean, and various bottles have been repaired. Harry left, with a mere kiss on the cheek. I'd have liked more, but that was impossible, as Madam Pomfrey was supervising his goodbye. I laughed when he said, 'Tomorrow? Same time, same place, same spit?' Madam Pomfrey looked like she wanted to laugh too, but the stern woman wouldn't let herself. Pity, it would have been even funnier if she had.

I still remember all the transportation spells and locking charms. They will come in handy, I think. They'll make for some interesting experiences, I'll wager. Maybe like after the Yule Ball this year, but I guess I'll have to wait and see. 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' as they say.

Oh my god, you wouldn't believe who just walked in. Draco. I don't want to talk to him. Not now, not so soon. Oh great, I have to talk to him now.

Draco talks about how he's sorry about his father and Voldemort, and how he never should have told them anything. To all of his inquiries I reply 'whatever'. It's meant to defer his questions and get him out quicker, but it doesn't seem to be working. I guess I'll have to start giving him real answers soon. His questions begin to get a bit closer to home. Like 'what are you going to do about the mark?' It worries me that he speaks so openly of it. I'm worried that his father sent him to find out about me. I'm not telling him anything, that is resolute in my mind. I will NOT give in to his questions. He can't badger me into telling him what he wants to know. Finally, I get fed up with him and tell him to go away. He shakes his head and will not leave. Eventually, I call for Madam Pomfrey, and make her tell him to leave. It's better without him here.

I have another visitor, Snape. He sits down in the chair next to my bed and asks if I felt the Mark burn today. I answer him, 'no', and that's the complete truth. The black skull tattoo hasn't burnt me at all today. Snape seems glad, but I don't know why. When I ask, he says that since his has not either, nothing is wrong yet. I accept his answer gratefully. I'm glad he will answer me now, at first, he wouldn't tell me anything. He asks what I am writing, and I tell him that it is my diary. He asks to read it, and I can't believe my ears. He made a joke. SNAPE MADE A JOKE!!! I laugh and tell him that he can't read it because it is filled with my PRIVATE thoughts.

Snape's really a funny person, he just never lets it show. I wonder if he's ever had friends in his life. He might have had some at one time, but I don't think he stays in touch with them anymore. They're probably all Death Eaters. I ask him if he has any friends, and he answers somberly, 'No. I choose not to, because you never know who your real friends are.' I raise my eyebrows and he elaborates, 'I knew a woman, whose best friend betrayed her to the Dark Lord. Since then, I choose not to consort with people who might betray me.' I understand his answer, amazingly. Now, I'm even more sure that I need to be careful about who I talk to. My life is now a precious jewel that must be held dearly.

Snape leaves, just as Dumbledore enters. Dumbledore shoots a questioning glance at Snape, who nods minutely. They do this every time I see them. It's as if they can read each other's minds. Dumbledore asks me how my day has been and I respond, 'great, I had a nice day, except Madam Pomfrey kicked Harry out.' Dumbledore asks WHY Harry was thrown out, and I can see the mysterious twinkle in his periwinkle blue eyes. He knows why Harry was tossed out, but it's a game. I tell him that I don't understand why Harry had to leave, and he nods appreciatively. 'I suppose that I shall tell Poppy that Mister Potter may stay for half an hour, no matter what'. I laugh and tell him that I would enjoy it if he did. He leaves, presumably to go and tell Madam Pomfrey that she can't throw Harry out.

A woman has just come into the room. She has tightly curled blond hair, long, vivid orange nails, and a matching miniskirt and blouse. She smiles widely and stalks haughtily over to my bedside. 'Hello, my name is Rita Skeeter, and I work at the Daily Prophet. I was wondering if I might have a few spare moments of your time.' I look mistrustfully at her and nod slowly. She sits in Ron's usual chair and asks, 'What happened at the Dark Lord's castle?' As she speaks, she unsnaps her orange purse and takes out a green quill and a sheaf of parchment. Rita sucks placidly on the tip of the quill, before setting it on the parchment. The quill balances, waiting for me to speak.

'Well, I had to look into a crystal ball,' I answered lamely.

The quill began dashing back and forth across the paper, writing, Miss Nicole Stevens, fifteen, with silky blonde hair, and dazzling blue eyes, answers thoughtfully; "I was terrified when I was kidnapped. It was so scary, being taken without warning from Hogwarts. I was succumbed to a thousand horrific tortures, including the Cruciatus Curse."

'I did NOT say that!' I yelled indignantly.

'Ignore the quill, dear. Now, were you angry when You-Know-Who used you for his purposes?'

'YES!' I screamed. 'I wasn't just having a wonderful time being locked up it his stupid castle!'

The quill began writing again. This time, it wrote: Miss Stevens becomes upset as we mention her imprisonment. She claims, 'I was mentally scarred. Those terrible memories will stay with me for the rest of my life.

'But--' I protested.

'Are you in love with your boyfriend, Harry Potter?'

'Well, yes. Why else would I be dating him?'

Miss Stevens claims to love her boyfriend, The Boy Who Lived, Harry Potter. She says that he is her one and only love.

'Has he asked you to marry him?'

'I'm FIFTEEN!!! Neither of us is OLD enough to marry!'

Miss Stevens's eyes tear as we move to the subject of her beloved boyfriend and marriage. She says that if he asked her to marry him, she would accept without a moment's hesitation. It is wonderful to...

At that moment, Dumbledore walked out of the nurse's office. Upon seeing Rita Skeeter and me, he comes over and asks her politely to leave. I notice that as he talks, the quill and paper disappear into her handbag. I smirk, quickly realizing that she was not authorized to be there.

I am set for an equally boring night. Nothing ever happens here at night. Madam Pomfrey goes into her office, which also serves doubly as a bedroom. I lay my head back onto the soft goose-down pillow and ponder the road ahead.

I know that my life will be difficult from now on. I understand that I will have to trust no one, with the obvious exception of Harry, Dumbledore, Ron, and Hermione. I can trust my parents, and teachers, but the one person in the world that I cannot trust, is the one who I want to believe in most...Draco. I want to believe everything he says, but I cannot give in. I do not know if what he says is true, or false, and I suspect I never will.

It is a shame, I admit, that I can't trust him. I worry about what the impact will be on my life. No midnight outings, constantly bumping into Draco. No soft kisses, no sweet words. It isn't that I desire him. I don't. I DON'T. I try to make myself believe it, and I succeed most of the time. I just liked the things--feeling--he gave me. It was an ecstasy, a mere delight. I only want to experience that feeling once more. After that last time, I would forget him. I promise that I would forget him. If only one more time...

I know that Harry will be there for me. I do know that. He is stable. He is unwavering, unlike Draco, who seems to switch sides from one moment to the next. I choose Harry. That's final, I think...

Nicole Stevens

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The End