Prelude to Destiny

Chapter 18

Oops.

On the way back to the common room after lunch on Wednesday, Lily, Sam, Tracy, and Christine found themselves making very amusing sickle bets as they walked down the hallway. After an amazing display of yodelling, Tracy was now in possession of the sickle. When Matt came into view, chatting with the head girl, Tracy's eyes took on a very mischievous look and Lily smirked.

"Lily, sickle if you kiss Matt," Tracy said, pulling the sickle out of her pocket. Lily's smirk instantly dissolved. That wasn't funny.

Why was Tracy asking that? Couldn't she see Remus (and James and Sirius and Peter) walking toward them? Didn't she see Christine look over at her in shock before looking straight ahead and pretending like she didn't care? Maybe Tracy still didn't know the two of them were dating. Actually, that could be funny.

The group stopped moving as Lily walked over to where Matt was chatting with Diana.

"Matt?" Lily asked, addressing him. He looked at her questioningly.

"Yes?"

"Lean down. I need to win a sickle," Lily said, motioning for Matt to come closer. As the head boy did, Lily went on her toes to peck him on the cheek.

"On the mouth!" Sam called out. Oh weren't those two having a grand old time with this? Lily quickly turned her head and pecked Matt on the mouth. He looked vaguely amused.

Lily sauntered back over to her friends, grabbed the sickle out of Tracy's hand, and missed the shocked and hurt looked on the faces of the approaching group of guys.

"Lileeeee, what was that?" Sirius asked, walking up to her.

Lily ignored him, turned to Christine and held out the sickle, saying, "Christine, sickle if you kiss Matt."

Christine grabbed the sickle and walked right over to Matt McGrath, who stood close enough to hear the conversation. He watched their interaction with barely-concealed amusement. Scratch that: he watched them with barefaced amusement.

"Matt? Why does he get to be kissed so much?" Sirius asked. "What about Sirius? I'll give Christine a sickle."

"To kiss you, I'd ask for a large bag of galleons. Maybe three or four large bags," Lily said, watching Christine reach a smirking Matt.

"You? No, no. I wouldn't want you to kiss me," Sirius said.

"You do wonders for my ego, Sirius," Lily commented, still watching Matt and Christine. The head boy was leaning against the wall as Christine approached, wrapped her arms around his neck, and pushed her lips against his. Lily smiled and looked over at the dropped jaws of Tracy, Sam, and the four guys.

"Well, you certainly didn't have to remind her to kiss him on the mouth, did you?" Peter asked.

"Where are his hands going?" Tracy asked the person next to her (James) in a slightly panicked and very confused voice. "Because I know they aren't holding her hips right now. And I certainly know that this is the first time they've done this, right? Right?"

"I think you're wrong," James said, placing a hand on her shoulder as he smiled at her expression. Lily didn't even realize she was staring at their exchange until Sirius's head popped into her line of sight and started mouthing the word 'Sputnik.' How she hated that boy. She turned to Remus.

"Enjoy class?" she asked. He nodded. "It was a difficult assignment."

"Yes." He really didn't like talking in front of people, did he? Well, she'd learned that ages ago -- both in class and at the Quidditch game -- and had determined to force him to do so anyway. But when Peter asked Remus a question, Lily found her attention returned (inevitably) to hear snatches of whispered conversation between Tracy and James even as she adamantly tried to convince herself she didn't care.

"Jealous were you?" Tracy asked. James mumbled something and Lily wondered what Tracy had done to cause him to be jealous. "Maybe you ought to do something about it."

"Don't want to right now," James replied.

"Freaking hell, James. I'm trying really hard to convince you to do something and you just sound like a child."

"I am doing something about it."

"What are you doing? Because you certainly seem to have given up on my plan."

But before Lily could even begin to wonder about the exchange, Christine was back, smirking as she twirled the sickle between her extended fingers.

"You!" Tracy addressed her. Christine didn't turn away from looking at Lily with a satisfied expression. They shared an inside joke as both began grinning.

"Tracy's talking to you, Christine," Lily hinted in a mock whisper.

"What?" Christine asked, turning to Tracy.

"What was that?" Tracy gestures wildly in the direction of her brother's retreating back.

"What was what?" Oh. Tracy didn't seem to like Christine's vagueness. Nope. Not at all. Lily decided to help out.

"She gave a good long kiss to her boyfriend," Lily stated, turning and walking toward Gryffindor tower. The others followed.

"He's not-" Christine began, but Lily cut her off.

"She gave a good long kiss to the guy she's been kissing for a few months now," Lily amended, remembering Christine's distaste for commitment words, and smirking. Oh yes she was smirking.

"True," Christine said. Lily wondered if the fact that Matt hadn't pushed her to accept those commitment words had been part of the reason why she was so comfortable with him. Well, that and seven years of solid friendship.

"What?" Tracy exclaimed.

"So if he's not your boyfriend, can I keep kissing him?" Lily asked innocently of Christine, hoping to goad her a little.

"That wasn't a kiss." Trust Christine to find a loophole.

"So I can?"

"I don't want to talk about this." Christine turned and walked away. Lily winked at Remus.

"That means no," she said.

"Glad to know, I was thinking about kissing him myself," James snapped. Caught off guard and prepared to dismiss anything and everything he said, Lily laughed.

~*~*~

In class that afternoon, Lily put her things next to Remus's as she sank into her seat.

"Tired?" he asked. It seemed to pain him to actually speak during the day, Lily had discovered. And so she had long since decided that if they were going to continue to grow as friends, she would have to make the effort outside of patrols.

"I just turned in my seventh year project proposal," Lily replied.

"Wasn't that due in March?" Remus asked.

"Yes, which is why I definitely had to have it in by today," Lily said, leaning her head against his shoulder briefly and exhaling. "I want to sleep for a week."

A noise that sounded like a mixture of pain and annoyance made Lily sit up and look at James Potter entering the room. He had been looking at her, but when she caught him, he quickly turned and walked to the back of the room. Sirius Black, as always, accompanied him. They were like a pair of Siamese twins, really; one who hated Lily and the other who took pleasure in torturing her.

But, really, what right did James have to be annoyed that Lily had taken his seat next to Remus? Why did he always look so frustrated when she sought out Remus's company? At first, Lily had thought he was upset because she had finally found another bloke whose company she enjoyed and that he didn't want anyone to stop obsessing over him. Never mind that he was still dating her best friend in secret. But now, Lily thought it was something else entirely. He seemed bothered by her presence in his life in general. And that made her feel just wonderful.

Lily turned away from him and back to Remus.

"How long is your essay?" Lily asked him, riffling through her bag to try and find hers.

"Two feet," Remus sighed. Good. Sighing meant he had finally resigned himself to talking to Lily outside of patrols. She couldn't really understand his aversion to speaking with her during the day, but she figured he was just an intensely private person. She understood that.

"Two feet? Nicely done," Lily said.

"Thank you. How's F.A.D. coming along?"

"Oh!" Lily said, clapping her hands together and abandoning her hunt for the essay. "It's going well. Students are turning in more parchment than we planned, so we had to run off a couple hundred more sheets. The boxes are filling up quickly and McGonagall said we could use the prefect meeting room for two nights if it was necessary to sort them all."

"It's happening on the fifteenth, though?"

"Yep," Lily said, smiling. "April fifteenth, all the prefects will have a load to carry to each class. I'm excused all day."

"And the deadline for dropping notes in the boxes is when?"

"This Saturday, the seventh of April. Only four days away," Lily said, amazed that all of her preparation would finally come to fruition in just one week and a day. It was wonderful.

"Everyone seems to be really happy about the notes," Remus offered. Lily smiled and nodded at him.

"They do, don't they? People keep coming up and asking me if they are allowed to do different thing, like if they can include pictures or things," Lily answered. "Next year, I think we ought to include a part that lets the students buy and send sweets and roses with the attached messages. The money could go to a charity."

"Next year?"

"Oh, right. I guess this may stop this year," Lily said, "but I'm hoping to convince McGonagall to let us do it again. That depends on how well this goes, though, doesn't it?"

"I suppose." Remus collected his parchment and straightened it. "Hasn't this been a lot of work for you?"

"Oh, tons," Lily said, sighing as she remembered organizing the boxes, writing up and giving Professor Dumbledore the proposal, listening to him announce the project in the Great Hall, answering questions from students, secretly assigning each prefect and head a group of students to write to, and making every prefect promise not to tell anyone the group they were assigned. She'd also had to make sure her project team knew what they were doing, knew when their boxes were full. Plus, she had to run a short, after-prefect-meetings meeting. But boy had she enjoyed it.

"So," Lily said, her eyes lighting up with mischief, "are you sending me a note? Saying, perhaps, 'Thank you, Lily, for being the greatest prefect partner in the world. Thanks for laughing at my silly jokes. For meandering with such grace. For generally making my entire life better just by saying hello to me.' Are you sending me something like that?"

"Would you want me to?" Remus looked uncomfortable.

"Well," Lily said, "I want to receive at least one note."

"I think that'll happen," he said, looking down at his desk.

"Oh, I know, the prefect in charge of the sixth year Gryffindors will send me a note, but I kind of want more than that," Lily said, turning back to her bag and resuming her hunt for her essay.

"Lily," Remus began, eying her bag mistrustfully, "I'm sure you'll receive more than one note."

"Is that because you're sending me one?" Lily asked, grabbing hold of a corner of her essay and yanking the thing through all of the rest of the mess in her bag.

"Not exactly."

"So you're not sending me a note?" Lily asked, actually feeling quite sad about that. She'd written one to him, thanking him for making patrols easier. She'd also written to Sam, Christine, and Tracy. She sure hoped (but didn't count on the fact that) they would write her back.

"We'll see," was Remus's response as the professor entered the room.

~*~*~

In the common room that afternoon, Lily was preparing to head out to the library when she realized she couldn't find her Astronomy book. She searched her bag. When she couldn't find it there she took out her Message Parchment and asked Sam. But before her raven-haired friend had the chance to respond, Lily started crawling on the ground searching under couches and whatnot, which was how she learned that a third year was now dating a fourth year (a girl was whispering about it on the couch Lily was checking under).

But she still couldn't find her book and so she kept crawling.

"I can't keep doing this, James." Hearing Remus's voice, Lily stopped and was about to stand and say hi, but his words made her pause. What was James making Remus do?

"What? Why not?" James asked.

"It's wrong. It's manipulative and mean." Well, if James was in control of it, Lily wasn't surprised at that information. Okay. Maybe she was a little surprised. James wasn't mean or manipulative. Just arrogant.

"It's not. I just want her to-"

"I know," Remus interrupted, sighing, "but I can't keep doing this, giving you notes on the days. That Quidditch match-- it just all feels really wrong. You need to stop."

"I know. I know." Oh, James sounded defeated. Lily wanted to give him a hug. No one deserved to sound that sad.

"Hey, mate, you never know, maybe it'll all work out." Oh. Sirius was there too. Then again, when wasn't he there with James? Unless, he was harassing Lily about James. Then he was normally alone.

"It won't. She-- you should hear the things she says about me," James said. Lily wondered who he was talking about, decided she didn't care, and reached a hand under the couch to see if her book was there. "She thinks I'm a conceited braggart."

"And?" Sirius asked. Lily smiled. Okay. Maybe Sirius was sort of funny.

"And she's still hung up on that other guy. Talks about him all the time," James answered. Lily's hand came in contact with a book-like object and stretched her fingers to try and grab it.

"It doesn't matter," Peter put in. Oh, it was the coven of them. Lily caught the top of the book with her right pointer finger and began dragging it over. "You need to tell her."

"And before Tracy finds out," Sirius put in. "She'll kill you if she finds out first."

So they were talking about Tracy, Lily realized, losing grip on the book and having to put her fingers on top of it once more.

"I like her so much," James said. Aw. That was sort of endearing. He really liked Tracy. Good. Good for them.

"Yeah, we didn't get that from the amount of effort you put into this project," Peter said sarcastically.

"Nor the obsessive way he talks about her." Lily finally brought the book out from under the couch and looked at the title. Crap, it wasn't her book at all. It was called Transfiguration Prodigy. She shoved it back under the couch and began crawling to the next one.

"But she's starting to like someone that isn't you," Remus said gently. What? That was news to Lily. Who did Tracy fancy, then?

"Yeah, I know."

"Don't be jealous, Prongs. It's you she likes. She just doesn't know it," Peter said. Prongs? What the hell? Who was he calling a kitchen utensil?

"Yeah, I thought you were going to rip that bloke apart in the hall when she kissed him," Sirius added. "Though that was probably all part of Tracy's convoluted plan."

Tracy kissed another guy in the hall? To make James jealous? Oh. That was probably what they had been talking about today.

"She wants me to do something," James said.

"If only she knew what you were doing," Sirius said.

"She'd beat me to death with her beater's bat. I know. I know." James replied, and Lily could almost hear him shaking his head. "Sirius, if you would just tell me-"

"Nope." Sirius was smirking. Lily couldn't see his face, but she could hear that annoying smirk in his voice. It was annoying even when she couldn't see it.

"Fine. That's all right. I think-- I think I know who it is."

"Trust me, you don't," Peter said. Lily didn't really have time for this. She needed to get to her book. She went to the next couch and looked under it. Not seeing anything, she stretched her arm underneath. Where was that blasted thing?

"Do you think I should ask her out?" came the young voice of a boy. Geez, Lily thought, didn't boys ever talk about anything other than girls?

"You should send her one of those friendship notes. Ask her out in one," his friend suggested. Lily smiled. She loved this note idea.

"But the prefects said they'll read through those."

"But it'll probably be Lily Evans that'll read through them all. She won't care. Won't say anything, either."

"Maybe you're right."

Huh. Younger students knew her name. How odd. Lily felt very uncomfortable having people discuss her, especially younger students she was sure she couldn't recognize. And that they trusted her made it even stranger.

So Lily continued crawling around the room, inadvertently eavesdropping as she went, searching for a book that was on her bed.

~*~*~

The next night, lying in her room reading through her Charms text, Lily was waiting for her patrol to start when Tracy came strolling in for a chat. Sure, a chat. At least, that was what Lily thought her friend had been doing. Until, that is, Tracy had shaken her hand and then fled the room, leaving Lily to read the note in her hand alone, in horror.

11:00 - 1:30

All Floors

"No," Lily exclaimed after reading the note. She raced out the door, down the stairs, and into the common room in search of Tracy in the crowds of milling students. This could not be happening. No. Lily refused. She had a patrol that night. She could not play the Game and patrol at the same time. Remus would think they were under attack or something. No.

Sure, they hadn't played the game in months -- not since before February -- but they couldn't play tonight. While Lily did want to play, wanted to play a great deal, she did not want to play at the expense of scaring the living daylights out of Remus.

But Tracy was nowhere in sight, and Lily had a feeling that her friend would remain missing until the beginning of the game. Lily looked at her watch and noted the time: 10:15. She needed to meet Remus downstairs in a little under fifteen minutes and Tracy wanted the play the Game -- the top secret Game that they all swore to keep secret from any outsiders -- that night? No. It would not be happening.

And so, of course, the Game happened.

~*~*~

"Remus!" Lily called, running up to him as soon as she saw him standing in the main entrance.

"Lily!" he called back, imitating her frantic tone with a teasing grin.

"Hush. Listen. We need to talk," Lily began in a rush. She was late. It was already 10:40; she'd spent a lot of time trying to stop the game.

"Yes, we do," Remus agreed. But Lily certainly didn't have time for him to confess anything. So she cut him off.

"I was thinking that you could take this patrol off," Lily said.

"What? Why?" He looked hurt, and Lily felt horrible. Good grief. Why did Tracy have to do this to her tonight? Lily did not want to scare Remus away.

"No reason. Just thought you might want a night off," Lily said, lying blatantly and knowing it was obvious but being unable to think of a cover fast enough. "It's a Thursday anyway, so there shouldn't be any problems."

"There are problems every night," Remus countered, still looking confused.

"But don't you want a night off?"

"Not particularly."

"Of course you don't," Lily muttered, trying to think of a reason to keep him away from her. "Why don't we at least make this a split patrol? You know, I'll cover the southern half of the castle and you cover the northern."

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"What's going on?"

"What?" Lily asked, glancing back at her watch. "Nothing's going on. I just have a lot of work."

"I'm in all of your classes. I know that's not true."

"You aren't in all my classes," Lily protested, running through her schedule in her head. "I have a lot of Arithmancy work."

"That's odd."

"Why?"

"Because James didn't seem to have any." And there was Remus's telltale smirk. Argh! Who did he think he was?

"James probably does all his work on the night it's assigned. I'm a procrastinator," Lily extrapolated. Remus laughed and then reached out and grabbed Lily by the shoulder, turning her so that they were walking side by side. She almost screamed in frustration.

"You don't have any work," Remus said. Lily felt ill. No. She didn't have any work. But she did have three best friends that were about to attack her in front of an unsuspecting Remus.

"Are you sure you don't want to take the night off?" Lily pleaded one last time.

"I'm sure." Maybe Tracy wouldn't attack Lily in front of Remus since she valued secrecy so much, but Christine would definitely still be a threat, as would Sam.

"All right," Lily said, resigned. "Then you're going to have to help me out a little bit."

"Does this have anything to do with the reason why Tracy told us she couldn't hang out tonight?" Remus asked.

"What?" Lily asked.

"Tracy was supposed to hang out with us tonight at midnight, but today she suddenly begged off."

"You were supposed to 'hang out' at midnight?" Lily asked, incredulous. "What were you all planning on doing?"

"Something against the rules."

"Oh, good," Lily said. "That means you won't mind what we're about to do."

And honestly, that was a relief. She had gleaned from his stories about pranks and nights out that Remus didn't much mind bending rules, but James and Sirius always seemed to be the ones goading him and Peter into doing things.

"This is going to be fun, isn't it?" he asked, sounding both very excited and very much like Sirius Black. Lily laughed.

"I sure hope you think so."

"I'm sure I will-" The chiming of a clock cut off his words and Lily muttered the starting incantation. Names and numbers lit up on Lily's arm. She glanced down at the as-yet white lights on her arm and the counter that was counting down from two hours and thirty minutes.

"What the hell is that?" Remus whispered, pointing to her arm.

"That is the beginning." A spell flashed behind Lily. She grabbed Remus's hand and practically dragged him down the hall even as the names on her arm flashed blue, showing that Sam had taken the lead by stunning Tracy. Remus wrenched his hand out of hers and turned around as if to go back into the Main Hall.

"What are you doing?" hissed Lily, grabbing him again.

"Someone cast a spell back there," he said, struggling away from her grip. She ran in front of him and put her hands on his chest, halting his movements even as she glanced behind her.

"I can't explain right now, but that was Sam. She just stunned Tracy."

"Is Tracy okay?" The worry in his eyes endeared Remus to her all over again.

"She's fine. We're playing a game -- Christine, Tracy, Sam, and I. It's tag with spells, and you and I need to hide if we are going to keep me from losing horribly." She grabbed his hand and pulled him away again.

"What the hell is going on?" He still looked like he wanted to go back to the Main Hall and check on things.

"Shhh!" Lily said, pushing him into an empty classroom and locking the door behind her.

"We play this game a lot, but it's very secretive. We haven't told anyone, but either Tracy forgot I had a patrol or she thought this would make me lose," Lily whispered, worried that one of her friends may figure out where they were and break in.

"Do you normally win?" Out of all the questions he could have asked, he picked that one?

"Actually no. I haven't won in years," Lily replied. "You know, with shitty curse work it's a little difficult."

"So what are the rules?"

And so they stayed in the room and whispered the rules and explanations. Remus caught on quickly and was soon only asking minor clarifying questions, like why her arm lit up green. Lily explained the colour coordinated point system, the no-backs rule, and that the first person to get back to the common room within five minutes of the end of the Game got a bonus. But it was obvious that they had stayed in the room too long when the door flew up and revealed Tracy, brandishing a wand at the both of them.

A spell shot at the pair of them, and while Lily's first reaction was to cast the Shield Charm and block the spell (which she did), her second reaction was to feel overwhelmed by fear. Her shield held against the first spell, but as that fear grew into panic and she started shaking and almost crying; her shield weakened. Her body wanted to crouch into a ball and run from the beams of light that her muscle memory remembered as being painful. But her heart and will would not let her.

She had been through this already. The first Game after the New Year's, Lily had been a wreck. After seeing the first spell of that Game, Lily, overrun with flashbacks of the Ball.

But Lily had resolved herself after that night. If the Prewetts could die with their backs straight, Lily Evans was most certainly not going to cower before this minor threat. And yet, her instincts still desperately wanted her to drop the shield and run.

"Well, don't be dumb about it," Remus snapped. His voice brought Lily crashing out of her memories and back into the present. He took hold of her left hand and pulled her behind the teacher's desk, breaking her shield.

"What did you do that for?" Lily asked as a green spell flew overhead, briefly illuminating Remus.

"You cast a shield," Remus explained as Lily reached over her head and shot a useless burst of light at Tracy, just to distract her.

"And?" Lily asked, determined to forget that moment of panic that caused her heart to continue beating too fast.

"You're never going to be more powerful than Tracy. Her offensive curses are too strong; they'd rip through your shield if you fought one on one. Play to your strengths." Rip through your shield. Like the others had.

"And what are those?" Lily asked, sending a Tickling Jinx in Tracy direction. "If you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly the greatest curse caster."

"No, but you can use complex spells that Tracy and Christine and Samantha never could." Lily had flashbacks to Gertrude's words. She had called Lily a natural.

"What do you mean?"

"Like in Charms today, and with the Protective Transfiguration. You aren't more powerful than Tracy, but you can use spells she can't. You can manipulate magic better than probably anyone I have ever met. Use that." A red spell curved around the desk and Lily had to act quickly to banish it away from her.

"How?"

And Remus explained and Lily listened. When Tracy scared the crap out of Lily by crawling onto the teacher's desk and popping her head over the edge, Lily managed to banish her by pure instinct. That had been a terrifying moment: looking up and seeing Tracy's head.

After that, Remus and Lily found themselves running out the door and into the throes of the Game.

That night, while her first instinct was always to cast a shield (or at least a charm to deflect the spell), Lily also managed to Transfigure a wall between herself and Christine that the other girl could not blast through.

By no means did Lily win the Game. Didn't even come in second, but she did manage to trick and confuse the hell out of Christine with that wall and one or two compounded charms. She made sure to go back afterward and, with the help of Remus, deconstruct the wall.

"It was dangerous to make a wall," Remus began as Lily walked up and began to unweave her wall. "If it had been someone stronger than Christine and your spell hadn't been as strong as it was, she could have blasted through and then bits of rock would have been hurtling at us."

"I hadn't thought of that."

"Neither had I, really, until just now," Remus said, shrugging.

But Lily listened and almost every day until the next Game, she thought up new ways to combine spells and charms that had no potential danger (or relatively little, at least).

~*~*~

But that night, when Lily crawled into bed, she did not find herself wanting to talk about the Game or discuss what had happened. She didn't even want to think about it. She felt unnaturally tired, and yet sleep would not come. She could not stop seeing Tracy coming into that room. Coming to attack her.

After hours of lying on her bed, pretending like she might be able to sleep as time ticked away, Lily finally sat up. She glanced around the room -- the peaceful curtains hanging on their hangings, three beds silent with curtains drawn -- and Lily wanted to yell, throw a book at the wall as hard as she could. She wanted to shatter the perfect window and rip her hangings from her bed and scream.

Instead, Lily stood up and considered the three beds around her briefly before going over to Christine's bed, shaking her awake and shushing her shocked outcry.

"Come on," Lily whispered once her friend was awake. And Christine, being Christine, asked no questions before she pulled on her robe and followed Lily out of the dorm and out of the portrait. In fact, she didn't say a thing until the pair was safely inside the secret passage that led to the back entrance of the kitchens.

"It's late," Christine said.

"I want a virgin strawberry daiquiri."

"Ohhhh!"

Lily didn't have to face her friend to know that she was grinning at the thought of her favourite drink.

"You lost the Game," Lily said, smirking.

"You cheated."

"Did not."

"You made a wall."

"Is there a rule against that?"

"Should be," Christine said, running the backs of her nails up and down the wooden wall. "And I won the last one."

"The February Game? You won that?"

"Yep."

"I haven't won since second year."

"True."

"I suck."

"True."

"Your sympathy is amazing," Lily said flippantly as she drew the smiley face on the wall at the end of the secret passage staircase.

"You came in third," Christine commented as the pair marched through the wall.

"Yes, I did."

"And Remus was helping you."

"I get it. I suck. I know," Lily said, turning away from Christine and ordering the drinks from the house-elf quickly.

As the tiny creatures popped away to collect the drinks, Lily took the time to look around the kitchens. She really did spend too much time there: dinners with Gertrude (and occasionally Sirius), snacks in the middle of the night, stolen missed meals. It was like a second home to her at this point.

"At least," Lily said, "I didn't have a horrible flashback and almost go crazy during this Game."

"You were fine last time too," Christine said. "Just shaken. It happens."

"Not to me."

"To everyone."

Walking alone in the halls, Lily tried to pretend like she wasn't terrified, like she didn't want to run back to the common room and the comfort of a warm, bright fire. Why was she so scared of these familiar, empty hallways?

But only too soon a spell came hurtling at Lily, stunning her though she had tried to raise her shield.

And watching the attacker walk up to her, unable to see the distinguishing features in her face, Lily began to truly panic as flashes of memory clouded her vision.

"I can't- I can't breathe," Lily whispered, trying so hard to push those memories away. Why was she seeing flashes of spells hurtling at her? Why was she suddenly remembering the feeling of landing on that table -- the horrific, overwhelming pain as something stabbed into her back and her wand cracked in her hand, breaking her fingers -- and shaking so hard that she was having trouble remembering where she was?

"Are you all right?" That was Christine's voice, wasn't it? Wasn't it? What was she doing there? She was not supposed to be there.

"Run," Lily muttered, ripping her arms through the stunning spell, but only being able to move a few inches. "Run, they're coming."

And they were. Those black, hooded figures were marching towards her. They were going to kill her, she knew, but she couldn't breathe. Breathing hurt her chest. Thinking hurt her chest. Oh God. She was going to die.

"You're not dying! Calm down!"

"They're coming. They're coming. They'll-" But someone grabbed her arm, her wrist, and then she was lifted off that table, throwing up in transit, screaming after the bile had come out. And the flashes of light bulbs -- cameras -- were in front of her and someone was holding her, asking if she could speak. She's in shock.

"Lily!" A hand slapped her face and the feeling of tangible pain brought her back, pulled her out of that memory. She saw Christine, looking determined, pulling her out of her memory. And suddenly Lily's arms were around her, clinging to the solid presence.

"It hurt, Christine," she whispered through her tears, as if realizing it for the first time. As if remembering it for the first time. "It hurt so much."

"It was just a stunner."

"The Ball," Lily whispered into her friend's shoulder, unwilling to let go lest she fall back into her uncovered memories.

"Oh. Yeah. I guess it would." And Lily nodded, but Christine said nothing more as she wrapped her arms around her friend and nodded. "It always will."

"That sucks," Lily muttered.

"True."

"Your daiquiri, Miss." The tiny house elf in front of her held the red drink in both hands above her head and Lily took it with a smile and a shaking left hand.

"Thanks," Lily said. Christine, she saw, also had a drink in her hands. "So, let's talk about something else."

"Okay," Christine said, putting her straw in her mouth.

"How's Matt?"

"Fine."

"Anniversary coming up?"

"I don't want to talk about this," Christine said. "How's Remus?"

"What do you mean?"

"You like him," Christine said in such a matter of fact way that Lily choked on her drink.

"How did you know?"

"Duh," was the only response. As if that ought to be enough of an explanation for Lily.

"No. Really. How?"

"Easy," she replied, still annoyingly vague, though Lily was sure her friend thought she was being way too vocal.

"You haven't told anyone?"

"Nope."

Lily considered this situation. Christine knew how she felt about Remus. That could be a disaster: her friends often referred to Christine as the Open Source. Case and point: Lily's birthday surprises. But Christine, out of all of Lily's friends, knew what it was to want no one to know a secret.

"I really like him, Christine," Lily admitted.

"Remus?"

"Yep."

"So what happened to James?"

"Excuse me?" Lily exclaimed. How had Christine known about that?

"You used to like James."

"How did you know that?"

"Tracy."

"Oh goodness," Lily said, staring down at her half-finished drink and wanting to drown in it. The embarrassment just kept growing and growing.

"Do you snog him on patrol?"

"Remus?"

"Yep."

"No."

"Not even once?"

"No," Lily repeated.

Christine looked disappointed.

"Do you know how long James and Tracy have been dating?" Lily ventured.

"They aren't dating," Christine said.

"Oh." So Tracy hadn't told Christine everything, had she?

"No. Really. Tracy likes some seventh year on the Quidditch team."

"What? Since when?" Maybe that had been what James and his friends were talking about. Tracy kissing some bloke in the hall.

"I don't know."

Well, that was certainly news. Had James and Tracy broken up? Lily resolved to ask Sirius about it. Of course, after she did that, he burst into laughter and hugged her again, which was no answer. Lily decided she needed new sources of information.

~*~*~

Friendship Appreciation Day started well and ended well. In between there was confusion, hyperactivity, sabotage attempts, and just generally a wonderful time. A fabulous time, really. Especially for Lily, who had spent the previous two nights overseeing the sorting of the thousands of notes.

"We're here for the second year Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff boxes."

Lily lifted herself out of her chair, where she'd been hurriedly eating a bagel (breakfast had started, but she was in charge of the distribution room all day and needed to be there before the first classes, when the prefects came to pick up the stacks they were to deliver).

"One moment," Lily said, picking up and moving around the shoebox-size boxes until she located the two labelled 'Hufflepuff Second Years.' "Here's half of them."

One of the two boys in the doorway, a Slytherin fifth year prefect, walked forward and took the boxes.

"The Ravenclaws should be over in that corner. I'll grab them," Lily muttered, stepping across the stacks of boxes until she reached the Ravenclaw corner and found those second years. There were two boxes for them too.

"And I just open these boxes?" the Slytherin asked as Lily gave the Gryffindor seventh year his boxes.

"Yes. I think you're both going to their Potions class, so just open the door at the beginning or end of the lesson, lift the lids of the box, and the parchment will float to their recipients."

"What if the floating and locating charms don't work?"

"Then hand them out yourself. The student's name ought to be on the top of each note."

"All right," he said dubiously, turning and leaving the room. At least they'd been punctual. Lily sat back down in her chair. She was in charge of this room, and it was the first time she had seen the sheer number of notes.

Sorting them had been fun. She'd split the prefects into two different rooms by house to ensure that they wouldn't accidentally look at one of their own notes. So the Ravenclaws and Gryffindors sorted the Hufflepuff and Slytherin notes and vice versa. Oh this was fun.

Lily had agreed to run the room until the last class of the day, which was History of Magic for her, because that was when her year's notes were delivered. The prefects had all agreed that the younger year's notes ought to be delivered whenever the assigned prefect had a break, but that the upper years ought to receive theirs in History of Magic, as that was the only class when an entire year was guaranteed to be together.

Lily would have actually preferred to receive her notes in private, but Matt had told her that wasn't an option. He was taking over the room and she was receiving her notes (or at least, one note since a prefect had to have written to her) in class.

"First year Gryffindors," Gertrude announced, walking into the room with a nod. Lily smiled back.

"You have the morning off?"

"Yes."

"Didn't you write to the Gryffindor first years?" Lily asked, crawling over the table to the Gryffindor corner. This would definitely be easier once more of these boxes were picked up.

"That's a secret," Gertrude replied.

"Come on, tell me who you wrote to!"

"You're the one that insisted that the prefects tell no one the group they were writing to."

"Yes, tell no one," Lily said, scanning the boxes. "But you can tell me."

"Wouldn't it be easier to summon the boxes?" Gertrude asked.

"Well," Lily said, feeling stupid, "I guess so."

"Do you want me to do it?"

"No," Lily said, summoning the boxes. "I want you to tell me who you wrote to."

Three boxes flew out of the stack and Lily had to scramble to banish them mid-air to the table near Gertrude. The blonde girl looked down at the boxes on the table.

"Thank you," she said, picking them up and walking out of the room.

~*~*~

Every couple of minutes a new prefect would come in to pick up a box and soon Lily had perfected the art of summoning multiple boxes. Well, summoning and quick addition as she counted the number of boxes each year received. The older years were doing respectably, but it was the fifth years that were pulling ahead. The Ravenclaw fifth years alone had received four boxes worth of notes. That seemed excessive, even if all three of their chasers were in that year.

"Hello, Lily."

Lily turned to smile at the familiar voice.

"Hey, Remus," she greeted. "What are you picking up? I'm running out of boxes. Lunch was a big rush."

"Professor McGonagall."

Lily nodded and summoned two boxes from the middle of the table before handing it to Remus and watching him turn and leave.

Probably one of the most surprising things that had happened in the sorting was finding that many students had written to the professors. Some of the notes to teachers were anonymous, but all of them were kind and encouraging. Many told teachers that they had been a positive influence in that student's life.

It had been a wonderful feeling, reading a teacher's note.

So the sorting had come to accommodate the professor notes with a pile all their own in the middle of the room. It was interesting to note that Professor McGonagall received the most and Professor Dumbledore the least. But then, Professor McGonagall was a large presence in everyone's life (plus, Lily suspected that Sirius had written her quite a few love notes), while Professor Dumbledore was brilliant and aloof.

It had never crossed Lily's mind to write any of her professors a note. She felt vaguely bad about that.

~*~*~

"Having fun?" Matt asked, walking into the distribution room. Lily lifted her wand and levelled it at him. "Obviously not."

"I have a bone to pick with you."

"That sounds unpleasant."

"Why," Lily asked, standing and walking toward him, "aren't the Gryffindor sixth year boxes here?"

"Because I didn't want you to be tempted," Matt replied.

"I searched high and low for them," Lily said. "I summoned and banished as well as I could and still they did not come. I was terrified that I'd lost them."

"I have them."

"Good to know!" snapped Lily.

"Lily?"

"Yes?" Lily asked, irritated as she lowered her wand to her side.

"Go to class."

"I don't want to."

"Go on. Stumpy's waiting for you in the hall."

"Do you walk each other to class now?" Lily asked. Matt laughed.

"She'd be horrified by that idea," he said. "It's your whole motley crew, waiting to be reunited."

"You have the boxes?"

"Yes."

"All right. There are only a few left," Lily said, pointing to each of the corners, and then to the middle of the table. "No one's come to collect Professor Dumbledore's yet."

"That's my responsibility," Matt said, opening the door and jerking his head as if to suggest that Lily really ought to get moving.

"I'm going. I'm going."

"Not fast enough!" chirped Christine from beyond the door.

"Seriously. Could you move any slower?" Tracy added.

"I just wanted to make sure Christine didn't want to kiss her boyfriend goodbye," Lily said sarcastically. Matt laughed behind her as Tracy made a disgusted face and Christine looked exasperated.

"He's not my boyfriend."

~*~*~

Walking through the corridors, it was easy to notice the increased noise level. Everywhere, students were running up to one another, holding out a handful of notes.

"Lily!" called a small voice just as she reached the History of Magic class. She turned to find Will McGrath running toward her.

"Hello, Will." Actually, it was Will McGrath covered in... glitter?

"Look at all the notes I got!" He was holding out a handful of notes. He looked like a Christmas ornament.

"Wow."

"But I didn't get one from you," he complained, pouting.

"I only sent four. I was really busy organizing."

"I sent you one," he said, but then his frown split into a grin and he started laughing.

"What?" Lily asked, watching the rest of her year and the Ravenclaws file into class.

"I got one from a secret admirer."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and look at the handwriting! It had to be an older student!" Lily was never gladder that she and all of the prefects had agreed not to tell anyone that they were writing secret notes. And it was adorable that one of the prefects had signed their note 'from your secret admirer.'

"Next year," Will said, taking his note back and stuffing it in his pocket, "you have to write me two notes!"

"It's a deal."

"I have to go tell Chad about this!"

"Bye, Will," Lily said, stepping into the class.

"Why do my brothers always look more excited to speak with you than me?" Tracy asked from the back of the room.

"It's not just your brothers," Sirius said. Lily smiled.

"It's because I flog him," Lily stage-whispered as she put her things down next to Christine at the front desk. She heard a snort of laughter in the back and turned smiling, expecting to see Remus. Instead, she saw that it was James Potter, sitting next to Remus, who was smiling. That was certainly--

"The eleventh century Druid wars began after a misunderstanding between the second prince of..." Professor Binns greeted, gliding through the front wall. Lily sat down and waited for the F.A.D. notes to come. Even Binns's monotone voice could not keep her from focusing on that door.

Actually the rest of the class seemed to be in a similar state of mind. Everyone was poised on the edge of their seats, watching the door even as Professor Binns began lecturing. And lecturing. And lecturing.

"Where're the notes?" Christine asked Lily.

"I don't know. Matt had them."

"Why?"

"He didn't want me peeking."

"You cheated!"

"I didn't. Matt stole the boxes."

"You would have cheated."

"Duh," Lily replied.

"True," Christine agreed, nodding, though Lily wasn't exactly sure what they were agreeing about. Except where the hell were their notes? It couldn't really have taken that long to bring them over. After all, they were on the same floor--

Then the door swung open and a fifth year Hufflepuff stepped forward, looking uncertain.

"Excuse me, Professor? I have a delivery," he said.

"Yes. Mr. Cra- Cropple."

"I'm sorry to interrupt, sir. I'm delivering--"

"Open the box!" called a voice from the back. There was scattered laughter and a whole lot of nodding. The boy smiled shakily and did so.

Whatever Lily had been expecting when she'd asked Professor Dumbledore to charm the boxes and notes, it wasn't fireworks and rainbow confetti to shoot out along with the notes. That seemed much too extravagant. Nor was she expecting the students to be charmed into jumping onto their desks and synchronously singing and dancing. Luckily, the latter didn't happen. Unluckily, for students like Lily who were sitting in the front of the room, the former did.

For the rest of the day, she would be wiping glitter off her robes.

"After the misunderstanding was resolved in paper..." muttered Professor Binns.

But Lily didn't care what the professor was saying. She was too busy staring down at her empty desk.

She had only received one note. A note from her 'secret admirer,' and while it was a very nice note in and of itself -- it mentioned specific things she'd done like organized this day and liked Muggle ice creams -- it was still disappointing that none of her friends had sent her even a single note.

The fifth year deliverer slipped out the door and Professor Binns continued lecturing as the students riffled through their notes.

Lily was not disappointed. Lily was not disappointed. Oh, who was she kidding? Lily was very disappointed. One note? One note from someone she had forced to write her!

Christine, sitting next to Lily, was looking chirpy.

"Happy much?"

"Matt sent me three notes." Oh how cute. How adorable. How vaguely annoying. Sam was sitting in the back corner of the room, looking like the loner Lily knew she wanted to become. She wasn't even reading her notes.

Tracy, Lily saw, had a virtual mountain of notes on her desk that James Potter kept trying to steal from and read. Lily smiled as she saw James tap Tracy on the right shoulder and then reach out and steal one while she was looking at Sirius. The fool, even Lily knew that was the oldest trick in the book.

But when James lowered the note, a playful smile on his lips, he caught Lily's eye and for a moment they smiled together, sharing a private joke. Then they both realized what they were doing and turned away, but not immediately. No. They nodded at each other and then James cast his eyes down to the note in his hand and Lily turned back to her single note.

A small ding caught Lily's attention and she pulled out her Message Parchment and read:

Lily. Making eyes at Sputnik? Sirius.

Sirius. How did you get this parchment? Lily.

Easy. Stole Tracy's.

Oh. Good to know that you have no qualms about stealing.

You were STARING at Sputnik.

I strongly dislike you.

You won't after dinner tonight.

Why?

Did you like my note?

What note? What about dinner?

What note? The one I sent you. I notice I'm lacking a note from you, by the way.

I didn't get a note from you.

Sure. Lie to cover up.

I didn't!

Remus got a note from you! He's reading it right now. Remus. He, may I mention, is NOT your best friend.

Well. You're my SECRET best friend. Secret. Couldn't have me writing you a note and blowing our cover, could I?

"Professor?" The door had opened while Lily sat messaging Sirius, revealing that same fifth year, now carrying two more boxes. "Sorry, but I hadn't realized there was more than one box for this group."

"All right, Mr. Crowly."

And so it happened again. The opening. The glitter. Lily was really going to have to clean her robes.

But that hardly mattered. At all. Because piling up in front of her were notes. Notes! Yay. Lily had friends. Friends. Joy.

Okay. So she was feeling a little to giddy about three-- four-- six notes flying toward her desk.

The messenger opened the second box and Lily's mouth dropped open as the pile in front of her grew. Well. All right. Lily wasn't exactly swimming in notes like Tracy, but she had a couple handfuls. And that had to count for something. People liked her. Really liked her.

"Toward the end of the disagreement..."

Oh dear. Professor Binns was talking. That meant she ought to take notes. Lily always took notes. She took her F.A.D. notes and shoved them in her pockets, picked up her quill and began scribbling. Only to reach into her pocket with her left hand a moment later, pull one note out, and read it anyway. She really didn't have any self-control, did she?

To: Lily Evans

Hey Lily!

Thanks for creating Friendship Day! This is so much fun! I've written over fifty notes to all of my best friends!

Celia Arnold

Who the hell was Celia Arnold? Lily slowly thought of all the prefects that she knew, but none of the girls were named Celia. Not even a nickname that could have even vaguely resembled a Celia. The note was placed in Lily's right pocket as she picked out another note to read. This time she scanned the name and smiled to see that it was from Will.

To: Lily Evans

Thanks for the flogs and whipping. Even if I lose too many points. See you! Not at night or anything. Just soon. Ok. Bye.

Will McGrath

~*~*~

All in all, that had been Lily's least productive History of Magic class ever. Well, at least in terms of doing actual schoolwork. If she considered smiling productive, Lily would have excelled. Sixteen people had sent her notes: Sam, Tracy, Christine, Will, Matt, Sirius, Kevin, Celia, Tom (the drunk fifth year that Lily and Remus had saved), her prefect "secret admirer," Ruth (the seventh year Gryffindor prefect), a Ravenclaw from her Astronomy class, two anonymous ones, and Remus.

Walking to the kitchens that night, while Lily was hard-pressed to name a favourite, she acknowledged that it was impossible to doubt that Sirius's was the strangest:

To: Lily Evans (shhhhh)

SBFF (you know what it stands for, but I can't write it out for fear of interception),

I've decided to write a list to each of my friends, of which you are definitely not one (Ha! That'll trick them). Now, onto the list of things that I appreciate about you:

Okay. I'm done. See you at dinner!

Sirius

Oh yes. That boy was crazy. Not that Lily cared. She kind of found it reassuring, in its own way. Even if he told anyone about how Lily used to feel about James (and she was firm in her belief that she no longer felt that way about James as she was now thoroughly obsessing over Remus) no one would believe him, the stupid bugger.

But still, she was going to this dinner and she didn't know quite what to expect. She and Gertrude were supposed to meet in the kitchens and Lily wouldn't be at all surprised to find Sirius Black popping in. But why he would be so excited about that idea was beyond Lily. He had popped in on their dinners before. What would make this one so special?

"Lileeee."

"There's the voice of my dreams," Lily replied, not bothering to turn and address Sirius. Actually, not even bothering to slow her pace.

"Secret best friend?" Sirius called out. Lily could hear Sirius's feet racing to catch up with her.

"Forever," Lily finished. Actually, as she felt Sirius arm wrap around her shoulder, she thought she heard another set of footsteps and tried to turn, but Sirius's hold prevented it.

"Where's my note?" he asked as they stopped in front of the sliding panel and Lily pushed it in and to the side. Yes, there were definitely steps behind them.

"Still on about that, are you?" Lily asked.

"He'll never let it go."

That voice. Lily froze halfway into the secret passage. Sirius wouldn't have. He couldn't have. Right? Right?

"I don't suppose he will," Lily returned, though she was sure her voice sounded thin and tight.

"He still hasn't forgiven me for that time in first year--" Oh dear. He had. Of course he had.

"You stole my parchment!"

"We were eleven. Move on."

"I was twelve."

"Oh. Well that's different. Go ahead. Continue with the bitterness."

"I will, thanks."

Somehow, Lily felt herself descend the stairs. Somehow, though she couldn't remember the in-betweens or the conversation that covered the span of time, she found herself facing the wall at the bottom of the stairs.

"Well, are you going to open it?" Sirius asked. Lily looked at him, pulled out of her state of numbness.

"You're an idiot," Lily said, stepping forward and drawing the happy face on the wall.

"Did you see what she did?" Sirius asked his friend. "What was that hand motion?"

"It wasn't a hand motion. She was drawing--"

"Don't tell him," Lily interrupted, turning for the first time to face Sirius's friend, turning to face James Potter. "Let him figure this one out himself. It'll do his ego good."

"I'll figure it out someday, and then I'll be even prouder of myself, Lileee." Sirius Black deserved a good thwack over the head. Maybe two or three, actually.

Waiting inside the kitchens, as the small wooden table, was Gertrude Wrightman. Her posture, as always, was perfect. Lily felt herself straightening her shoulders as she approached, leaving James and Sirius behind.

She quickly reached the Slytherin and whispered, "James Potter's here. If you don't want him to think we know each other, I suggest you leave."

"I knew he was coming."

"You knew?" Lily asked. "What, are you omniscient?"

"Sirius asked if he could bring him."

"Sirius asked permission? Are you joking?"

"Sirius has always asked permission."

"Not to meddle in my life."

"That's because he thinks he's helping you," Gertrude replied, standing to face Sirius and James as they came closer.

"Helping me?"

"I don't know if he's doing more harm or good, but I agree with his intentions."

"Again with the vague clues. Do you and Sirius get together and practice how to make me feel left out?" Lily asked, annoyed.

"Actually, yes. We practice Tuesdays at noon," Sirius supplied, walking up and kissing Gertrude on the cheek before taking his place at the table on the opposite side of the blonde girl.

"I'm happy to know you think my life's a joke," Lily muttered, moving to sit beside him as James nodded at Gertrude and joined her at the table.

"At least he doesn't think you're a joke," James added helpfully.

"Thank God for small favours," Lily muttered. Then, in a louder voice, "What are we having for dinner?"

"Today's James's birthday. I thought we should celebrate," Sirius said.

"It's your birthday?" Lily asked, too surprised to remember to avoid talking to him. He smiled and nodded.

"Happy birthday," Gertrude said, smiling at him. Lily was caught off guard by the softness of her face as she smiled, and almost stared at her.

"Happy birthday," Lily offered, wondering why he wasn't spending it with Tracy. Maybe they were having a harder time than they let on. Or-- wait-- maybe Christine was right and they'd broken up. Maybe Tracy was interested in someone else. Maybe Lily should quit thinking about that and just focus on eating.

~*~*~

"What do you mean you take April Fool's day off?" Lily asked James, munching on her chip.

"It builds tension," James said. Lily leaned back and laughed. Gertrude smiled and Sirius grinned, as though finding the entire exchange perfectly amusing.

"So you don't pull any pranks?"

"No. But the professors are on edge all day thinking that one year we'll pull the biggest prank of the year that day, just because."

"Don't you think that pranking is childish?" Gertrude asked. Lily looked over at her and couldn't keep a smile off her face. She doubted she would ever see anything as interesting as Gertrude Wrightman eating fish and chips. The two definitely did not go together.

"Childish?" James repeated, horrified.

"Childish?" Sirius repeated a moment later. They looked at each other and shook their heads.

"We are bringing a new art form back to Hogwarts," James said, turning to Gertrude.

"We are bringing laughter back to Hogwarts," Sirius explained condescendingly.

"Besides--"

"They all deserve it."

"I feel seasick watching them speak," Lily mock-whispered to Gertrude.

"It is distracting," Gertrude agreed.

"Distracting? It's like they're sharing one brain between them-- hey!" Sirius had flicked her. Flicked her!

"One brain between the two of us?" Sirius repeated. "I will have you know that we are two of the best student in our year, aren't we James?"

Lily cast her eyes over to Gertrude and rolled her eyes as she waited for James's egotistical response.

"Actually, I think Lily's a better student than both of us. Combined," James quipped.

"There's very little doubt about that," Gertrude added. Wait. What? Had James just said that? Gertrude was slowly chewing her food, staring at Lily, then turning to consider James. Watching, Lily found it curious that Gertrude nodded at Sirius.

"Seriously, your silent communication thing is starting to unnerve me," Lily complained to Gertrude.

"They've done it since they were eleven. Irritates the hell out of me." And that was another thing that was unnerving Lily: James talking so freely to her. He spoke so quickly to her that she had a feeling almost like -- almost like he'd forgotten who he was and who she was.

"Anyway," Lily said, taking her napkin out of her lap and placing it on her plate, "I'm not a very good student at all."

"I knew you were going to say that," James said, locking eyes with Lily. The way this dinner dialogue had been going, it almost felt as though he thought they were friends, and the way he was talking, making her laugh, understanding her muttered comments, Lily might have been inclined to believe they were. Except that he was James Potter. Yes, that always seemed to get in the way.

"Sirius," Gertrude said, he eyes locked on James, "we need to speak."

"Privately?" It struck Lily what a strange group they would seem to anyone else, and what a perfect group they made to themselves, munching on a hidden birthday dinner in the kitchens.

"Privately," Gertrude asserted, turning to finally meet his gaze. Sirius looked at her, grey eyes meeting blue eyes, nodded once and stood. Gertrude stood a moment later and the pair moved toward the far side of the kitchen and out the door.

With Sirius and Gertrude gone, suddenly everything changed. Frick. Suddenly James and Lily sat at a table for four and just avoided each other's eye.

"You spend a lot of time with Sirius, don't you?" James ventured, looking up.

"I suppose so." Lily shrugged, meeting his gaze. "So do you, I notice."

"McGonagall has begun putting us in detention at the same time in different part of the castle," James said, smiling. "She says we need some alone time."

Lily smiled at that thought.

"He's kind of like a leech," Lily said. "Once he's with you, he never lets go."

"Quite loyal, that one is."

"Oh yes," Lily said, smiling some more. "And he's just genuinely fun. Much as he annoys me, he is fun to be with."

"Yes," James agreed, a smile growing on his lips. "I can't imagine all of the trouble I would have missed out on if he hadn't been here. At the very least, I wouldn't have been arrested."

"Arrested?"

"Just once. It was a long time ago." James laughed. "Sirius is very different."

"Different," Lily repeated, testing out the word. "Yes, Sirius is definitely different. He's just--" She stopped herself.

"What?" prompted James.

"Never mind."

"No, tell me," James pressed. And Lily twisted her napkin in her hands, but kept her eyes on James's sincere gaze.

"You remember talking about him before with me?" Lily asked, knowing she was treading on dangerous grounds. They had talked about Sirius before, but it was the night of the Great Meltdown.

"Yes," James said, showing no emotion.

"Well, it's like I said that night. He's sad."

"Sad?"

"Well, not sad exactly, just-" jaded, maybe.

"Just what?"

"He's- Sirius isn't as naïve as he'd like to pretend. He really-" Lily gave James a half smile and a shrug. "He understands a lot of darkness."

"Darkness?"

"Well, yes. Ish. I don't know. Maybe I'm completely off."

"No. You aren't. You never are."

"What?" Lily asked, confused.

"How did you know all that?" James inquired, ignoring Lily's question.

"I don't know."

"Tell me." And again with that damnable sincere look. Argh. Couldn't there be a counter to that?

"He's just nothing like he wants everyone to think he is," Lily said. "He's not carefree. Sometimes, I can almost see guilt overwhelming him. It almost incapacitates him. Then he goes and pranks some poor student because he needs to focus on something, anything light-hearted. But I can't believe I just said all that. I feel like such an idiot. I don't know what I'm talking about. Just ignore me."

"Never," James said. "I understand exactly what you mean about Sirius."

"You do?"

"Yes. He's-- let's say complex. My mother adores him. Probably more than she adores me, actually."

"Well, he is very polite."

"Sirius?"

"Oh yes. Though he tries his best to cover it up, he has the accent and innate manners of a person raised properly, in high society. You can't fake that, and he even tries to override it, but it's hard to suppress the lessons you learned as a child."

"He'd be so disappointed to know that you caught him."

"And I suppose you'll tell him?" Lily asked.

"No, no. Where the fun in that? I'll just harass him about it unknowingly."

"Good times." Lily commented, smiling. And though neither knew it, Sirius would be the beginning. He would be the bridge Lily and James used to cross and reach each other, until they drew close enough to stand alone. He was a conversation topic, a common friend, someone to laugh with, and someone to drag them both into a dinner they never would have attended.

"Did you receive any notes?" Lily asked, changing the subject.

"A few."

"Were some of them from secret admirers?" At James's shocked face, Lily laughed with delight. "I heard some fifth years talking about sending you love notes anonymously."

"Oh." He shrugged and looked briefly angry. Or maybe it was frustrated.

"Aren't you happy about them?" Lily asked. If he wasn't, that was surely very odd.

"It's nice," James commented, looking at Lily through his lashes, "but the one note I really wanted never arrived."

"Didn't Tracy send you a note?" Lily asked. They were obviously having serious problems.

"Tracy?" James repeated.

"Did you leave us any desert?" Sirius's voice interrupted, walking back into the kitchen with Gertrude by his side.

"No, Sirius," Lily said sarcastically, looking over at him and dismissing her conversation with James. "James and I finished off all of the desert in the entire kitchen."

Where had Sirius and Gertrude gone, anyway? I bet they were snogging, Lily thought, smiling at the absurdity of that idea.

"So where were you then? Hanging out in a broom closet?" James asked and Lily laughed. Gertrude did not. She met James's eye until he turned back to the table and muttered, "Right. Stupid comment."

"I thought it was kind of brilliant," Lily commented. Everyone turned to look at her, but she met Gertrude's eyes and went on, "What? You two disappear for a random, extended amount of time and we're supposed to think, what? That you're having a chat?"

"So I suppose you and James were going at it?" Sirius asked, smirking.

"Oh yes," Lily replied, flipping her hair over her shoulder and smiling at Sirius.

"Of course," James added, "right against that wall, actually."

"That was before we decided to come back to the table and just roll around on the food," Lily added.

"For health reasons, I'll assume you're joking," Gertrude said, sitting. Sirius's eyes were dancing.

"I thought Snape was your lover," Sirius said.

"That's on Tuesdays," Lily explained condescendingly, then looked at James. "Sirius always gets the days mixed up."

"I think he's kind of slow," James confided.

"Terrible. Dropped on his head as a child, I hear," Lily said with a straight face.

"Twice," Gertrude added, taking a sip of her water. Lily couldn't stop herself then. She just started laughing. Until, of course, Sirius flicked her.

"I don't like this new funny you," Sirius complained.

"I do," Gertrude mentioned, putting her glass down.

"You would," muttered Sirius, picking up a fork and twirling it in his fingers.

"You're not going to tell us what you talked about, are you?" Lily accused.

"Nope," Sirius said, "but I will let you know that it wasn't-"

"About a Russian satellite," Lily finished. "I know. I know. Let it go."

"Never." Sirius's smirk still irritated her. A lot.

~*~*~

Dinner ended shortly after desert and Sirius quickly ran off. Gertrude disappeared a moment later. Lily decided that Gertrude was always like that. She never 'left' anywhere. She faded or disappeared.

"Think they're trying to give us some hints?" James asked, standing and walking toward the back entrance.

"I think Sirius is," Lily said, standing and catching up with him. "Gertrude always leaves before me."

"You have these dinners with her a lot?" James asked. Lily looked at him out of the corner of her eye, considered him, and wondered if he would tell anyone, if he could be told the truth.

"I don't know if it could be considered 'a lot,'" Lily replied, "but we do have dinner twice a week or so."

"I've never spoken to her before," James said, pushing the wall. "She seems okay."

"She's great," Lily replied. "But I thought you said she and Sirius have been talking since they were eleven."

"Probably before that, really. They grew up together, but I only met Sirius here at school."

"Oh. And they've-"

"They've been strange acquaintances since then," James offered by way of explanation. "Never friends, exactly, but they seem to understand one another."

"Yes," Lily murmured, stepping onto the stairs. "I see that."

"I suppose this is Sirius's way of letting us know that he wants us to be friends," James commented, following her up the stairs.

"Stupid bugger." Why was he pushing Lily onto James when it was-- or at least it had been, before tonight-- so obvious that James wanted nothing to do with Lily.

"Excuse me?" James asked.

"What?"

"Did you just say 'stupid bugger'?" James inquired. "Implying that you think Sirius is stupid for thinking that we ought to be friends."

"Oh frick," Lily muttered, stopping walking and turning to face James. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry. That must have sounded so horrible, and I didn't mean it like that. Sirius is just getting way too involved in my life."

"So you aren't a fan of the friends idea?" James asked. Lily turned and started climbing the stairs again.

"No. I am," Lily only sort of lied. She just wasn't sure if she could just be James's friend.

"But?"

"But-- Do you really think we could do it?" Lily finally asked, not daring to turn around.

"Do what? Be friends?"

"Yes. Do you think we could?"

"Yes. I do." They had reached the top of the stairs.

"I don't want to be hurt," Lily said before she thought the words through. And oh how she hated hearing them aloud.

"Hurt by what? Friendship?" James clarified. "How could you be hurt by friendship?"

"How could I not be?" Lily muttered. A hand reached out and grabbed her wrist, both halting her movements and effectively turning her around.

"I know you're still uncomfortable because of the--"

"This has nothing to do with that," Lily interrupted, trying to ignore the feeling that this conversation was somehow familiar.

"This has everything to do with that."

"No. I think we've both moved on." Or at least, she was still trying to believe that she had moved on. She knew he had. He'd moved on with Tracy. And tonight was sort of proving that he could even forget her embarrassing crush for a nice dinner.

"Moved on?"

"Well, I know you have, and I have too. I've decided to forget that it ever happened. That way I can avoid the waves of overwhelming embarrassment," Lily said.

"Embarrassment?" James repeated, letting go of her wrist and running his hand through his hair.

"Oh. Wait. No," Lily said quickly, touching his forearms until he opened his eyes and looked at her. "I didn't mean that you-- you're not embarrassing. It's just me. I feel like a fool for not seeing what was right in front of me. It just-- well, it was never you."

"It had nothing to do with-- you know-- the feelings?"

"Let's not call them feelings, let's say potatoes, lessen the embarrassment," Lily suggested. James looked confused.

"All right. The potatoes. That didn't--"

"No," Lily said.

"Then you're all right with," James motioned between them, "this?"

Lily took a step back and nodded. "Yes," she said. "I want to be friends." Well, that was certainly the hardest thing that she had ever said in her life. Ever.

"Friends," James repeated. "Good. That's good."

And it was good, wasn't it? Shouldn't it have been exactly what they both wanted, a friendship? But both went back into their common room that night feeling unsatisfied, trying desperately to convince themselves that they were fine. And they were, weren't they? They had to be. Friends.