Prelude to Destiny

Chapter Eight

A Sixteen-Year-Old's Problems

Sometimes Hogwarts can be the most magical place on Earth. It can capture and keep the heart of a child. It invites even the most outcast child to find friends to love, laugh, and live with. Hogwarts is the manifestation of every child's daydreams, from ghosts in the hallways to magical ways to avoid and cause trouble, to flying on broom a hundred feet in the air.

Paradoxically, Hogwarts can be a thing of nightmares. Through a sorting process, it fosters competition and even animosity between people who otherwise would have been friends. It grows cold and windy in the winter seasons, with creeping shadows around every corner and pictures watching their every movement. It forces children to learn the gruesome history of creatures unlike themselves, making them prejudice against dwarfs and goblins. It renders to eleven year olds the ability to control their peers- keep them from moving, make them cheery or sad.

As Lily rested her head against the window of her train compartment on her way home for the winter holidays, she reflected upon the incongruity of Hogwarts. For a place dedicating to education, why was the school motto a threat, "Never tickle a sleeping dragon"? Why was one house cast as villains, another as heroes, one as bookworms, and the last normally overlooked?

Her words in the last prefect meeting had not exactly improved her relations with the other prefects. Now the girls saw her as competition for head girl (a position Lily held little-to-no respect for) and the boys now saw her as troublemaker. Only the Slytherins (for whom she had been advocating) did not change their behavior towards her as they remained distant and distrustful.

A sudden jerk of the train banged Lily's head against he window and she wondered why, exactly, a magical train could not provide a smoother ride.

When the compartment door opened a moment later- Lily's hand clutching her head- she did not bother to look up, expecting one of her friends or maybe the cart. Instead she heard a vaguely familiar yelp of surprise. Then the stranger's hands were on hers, pulling them away from the bruise to get a better look.

"What happened?" asked a voice that Lily could not help but recognize. She forced her head and eyes up to meet his and there was a familiar moment of apprehension as she met and kept his gaze. Why was James Potter in her compartment? Why were his hands on hers? Why couldn't she speak? Why were his eyes so disarming?

"Nothing. Nothing. I banged my head against the window," Lily said. He withdrew from her and stood. She took her own hands away from her head and stood in front of him, uncomfortable to sit as it made her feel beneath him.

"Oh. I thought-" his speech halted. Lily looked at him, looked at his too-ruffled hair and his too-brown eyes. She had told none of her friends about the way he sat in on her Wednesday evening study sessions. She had told none of her friends that he came every week, without missing a single time, but never said a word unless she initiated the conversation.

"Were you looking for Tracy?" Lily prompted, crossing her arms over her chest. She took a step backward and leaned against the window, hoping to look casual as her heart pounded.

"I don't suppose you'd know the name of her house?" James asked.

"Gryffindor?" she asked.

"No. Her home, for the floo network," replied James with an air of condescension that put Lily on guard.

"I don't know what talking about," Lily said in clipped tones.

"That's right," James said, as if talking to himself. "You're a Muggleborn. How do you visit her?"

"I walk."

"You walk? Why not fly?" asked James.

"I could, if I were an idiot. We live in a Muggle community." Her irritation with this conversation grew. She definitely preferred him as he was during her Wednesday night vigils: beautiful and silent.

"You could use a chameleon spell-"

"And break wizarding law while I'm at it, you idiot?" Lily practically spat at him. And yes, she did in fact say the insult aloud. The result was a mix of anger, confusion, and pride flashing across his features. It made her even angrier to realize that he thought he had any right to be angry with her.

"I do it all the time-"

"And you are a stuffed-up, ignorant boy who couldn't care less for the rules or laws of a society that protect the foundations of that society." Lily was rather proud of that little tirade. James' face melting into a delightful shade of purple helped as to her feelings.

"How would you know anything about this society? You aren't even really a part of it!" Lily's delight vanished and was replaced by her flashing hand coming towards his face. The slap was quick and resounded around the empty compartment. Before she realized it, James was gone and she was left with only her tears and feelings of waning self-worth.

~*~*~

Seeing her parents on the platform did much to clear her mind of such troubles. They stood chatting with some other parents that Lily did not recognize and laughter could be heard rippling out from the group. Lily was proud of her parents- of the way they accepted magic as a new and interesting journey for the family, of the way they made friends so easily, of their casual ability to make strangers laugh. She was glad that the depth of their knowledge of the magical world was happy, that they knew nothing of the prejudice stretching to the far corners of the magical community.

When they spotted their youngest daughter struggling to pull her heavy trunk off the train, they stopped their conversation immediately and came over to assist her.

Mr. Evans quickly loaded her trunk onto the cart they had brought and Mrs. Evans enveloped her in an embrace. Never in her life would Lily feel as safe as she did at that moment, with the smell of her mother's perfume consuming her and her father effortlessly carrying her heavy belongings.

~*~*~

"Where's your head, Lily?" called out a voice to Lily's left. She looked over to see Adriana Brewster with her hands over her head, motioning for Lily to hurry up. It surprised Lily to see how far her friend was. The redhead had paused to look at the football field that sat quietly unused on what seemed to be the coldest day of the year. Jogging over to her friend, Lily smiled apologetically.

"What were you looking at? Did you spot Wizzard?" Adriana asked, shoving her gloved hands further into the protective pockets in her parka as she turned to walk towards her home. Lily jumped at the accusation.

"What?" Her hands remained motionless outside her own pockets. She forgot even the cold as she scrambled to cover-up what Adriana knew.

"Because, if you did spot them, you'd let your oldest friend know. Right?" Adriana continued, turning around to drag Lily into motion again.

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked, now walking of her own volition.

"The group, Wizzard?" Seeing Lily's blank look, Adriana looked devastated as she spun around and waved her hands in front of Lily's face. "I know you live in some sort of a cult at your boarding school, but even there they must've heard of Wizzard."

"Really, I haven't the faintest."

"Angel Fingers? See My Baby Jive?" Lily shook her head. "They were huge for a while, back in September their song Angel Fingers went to number one, but they haven't had anything new in a while. I own their record."

"Neat," said Lily, trying not to let Adriana's tone bother her.

"Just because you and... well, your entire school seem to have bad judgment doesn't mean that you should miss out on this group." In her heart, Lily felt the same way. Lately it seemed Lily's separation from her Muggle roots was becoming more permanent. Lily was leaving behind the simple things she had known as a girl- things like the most popular musical group at the moment- in exchange for the racism of a society that wanted nothing to do with her.

"I like the classics," claimed Lily.

In a desperate attempt to remain somewhat attached to the world that was her home, Lily had agreed to spend more time with her childhood best mate. Adriana Brewster lived four houses down from Lily and had been a most adorable child. She had had large blue eyes and pig-tailed blond hair that had every mother cooing. Until she was eleven, Lily had fought with her for attention every day of her childhood. Then, of course, came the owl and the letter and... magic.

"Oh. Like the Beatles?" replied Adriana in a very understanding voice. Lily snorted.

"I wouldn't exactly call them classics."

"Aren't they good enough for you?"

"I like them, I was just saying they aren't old enough to be classics," Lily amended, trying to avoid fighting with this girl who she truly meant to like.

It had been a surprise to find Adriana on the other side of the front door this morning for a couple of reasons. The first was that Adriana was with five other people, and the second was that they had agreed to meet at the cinema. It is a common mistake of childhood friends to assume, upon reuniting with that friend, that they will not have changed in the distant years. And while Lily was sure she too had changed in four years, Adriana was barely recognizable. Her blond hair had been dyed black, unnecessary sunglasses covered her blue eyes, and she was ugly. Her adorable childhood features had turned into over-exaggerated and ugly adult features.

The only thing about Adriana that hadn't changed was her commanding personality. From the moment she opened the door until she would later arrive home, Lily was swept up in a flurry of conversations, strange antics, and uncomfortable questions about her own school.

"Your friends were nice," Lily said as the two turned onto their block.

"They would have been your friends too if you hadn't dropped off the face of the planet," quipped Adriana.

A shot of cold went through Lily's heart that had nothing to do with the temperature. Adriana was right. If it weren't for magic, this would have been her future, her normal holiday fun. She would have lived in a world where she was respected for her sharp mind and reasoning. She would live in a world where she would belong.

"I wonder if I would've been happier if I'd stayed," Lily said, surprising herself. Adriana looked over and gave her a half-smile.

"I doubt it. I'm sure your exotic school is better than the humdrum life I live." And Lily remembered flying for the first times, freezing a fellow student in the Game, receiving her prefect badge, looking up at the ceiling in the Great Hall, buying her wand.

"I'm happy at my school. Just having a momentary trouble."

"A boy?"

"Yes."

"Why don't you come into my house, have my mum make us some hot chocolate and you tell me everything?" Adriana suggested. Lily considered for a moment. "Come on. I don't know any of your friends so you can tell me all the bad things about them and be assured that they won't hear about it. Where's the harm?"

Lily smiled and nodded before following her friend into her home.

~*~*~

"That was a long movie yesterday," said Mrs. Evans as Lily walked into the kitchen the morning after she had spent the day with Adriana and her friends.

"We stopped over at her house after for a talk," replied Lily as she walked over to where her mother was rolling out cookie dough and pinched a bit of it off to munch on.

"That's nice," said Mrs. Evans as Lily walked over to the counter and picked up a banana, peeling it as she made her way over to the kitchen table.

"Yeah," said Lily. "Do you want me to decorate those cookies?"

"If you'd like to, the sprinkles are on the table," said Mrs. Evans, motioning with her head to the area in front of where Lily now sat munching on her fruit.

"All right."

"So, did Adriana help you sort out the thing that's been bothering you?" Mrs. Evans asked as she cut shapes out of her cookie dough and putting them on a pan.

"Bothering me?" asked Lily as she took another bite of her banana. "Why do you think something's bothering me?"

"Well, you enthusiastically trimmed the tree, wrapped presents for your grandparents, shopped for friends, performed slight-of-hand tricks, listened somewhat-politely to stories of Petunia's boyfriend, baked cookies with me, and even tried to avoid picking a fight with your sister on Christmas day."

"And those were giveaways?" Lily asked, walking over to throw away her banana peel.

"Yes.

"What if I simply matured?"

"You didn't, did you?"

"Well, no," pouted Lily, "and to answer your question, no she did not help me with my problem."

"Did she try to?" Mrs. Evans inquired as smashed the extra dough together against before rolling it out one more time.

"Yes, but she couldn't understand."

"Understand what?"

"Anything about magic."

"Are your problems magical?"

"Not really. They're more boy-related than anything else, but the magical part is important because that's my life now, understand?"

"No. But then, I never understood you or Adriana when you were younger and in love with football games, so I don't know why I should pretend to understand you now that you're teenagers."

Lily smiled. When she was little, football had been her passion. After school ended, she would race home, switch clothes, and run to the park to play a scrimmage game with her friends. If there was anything Lily missed about living without magic, it was that sport.

Quidditch was fun, but it had none of the finesse of the land-based game and a lot more brutality. Football did not have two players whose job it was to throw large objects at everyone else. Football did not have three separate goals for each team and one keeper. Football did not have one player on whom, essentially, the entire game relied. Instead, it had teamwork and one central point of focus instead of ten at any given time. The rules were more refined and players did not randomly disappear in the middle of a game of football.

But Lily's animosity for the flying sport might have simply stemmed from her house's inability to play well for five years. Cheering for a losing team tends to hamper one's affection. But this year all of that had changed. Instead of a group of bumbling individuals pretending to be a team, Nancy Adams had made a team. Gryffindor was undefeated so far this term. Mind you, they had only played the Slytherins (who were a very sorry team indeed), but that was already an improvement over last year's embarrassment.

A knock on the Evans' door at the early hour shocked both Lily and her mother.

"Were you expecting anyone?" Mrs. Evans asked, wiping her hands on her apron.

"No. It's too early to have people over, but maybe it's Adriana."

"Well, go open the door and find out, silly girl."

When Lily opened the door it was an even bigger surprise. Outside her house stood Tracy, Sam, and Matt.

"Hi!" Lily said, trying not to look too shocked that her friends decided to pay her a visit a seven in the morning.

"We're going icing," announced Tracy without preamble. Matt snorted.

"She means ice skating," he supplied, holding up his skates.

"Do you even know how to skate, Tracy?" Lily asked, smiling and thinking about where her own skates might be found.

"Matt taught me last year," Tracy said. Lily looked at Sam.

"I'm an old pro," Sam replied, flipping her black hair over her shoulder.

"Where's Christine?"

"Stumpy's having dinner with her grandparents," Matt offered. Lily frowned. Christine would have loved to learn something so Muggle, or at least she would have made the experience a lot more entertaining.

"Are you coming?" Tracy asked. Lily nodded, ran back into the kitchen, asked her mother if she could go, and was searching through her old skates for a pair that fit before she could say scrumdidiliumpcious.

Her two friends, and Matt who was still more of an acquaintance, had come inside and were now bothering various members of her family. Luckily, Petunia was out, but Sam quickly found and started talking to Mrs. Evans as Tracy pestered Mr. Evans, who was watering the tree.

"Do you want me to Accio them?" Matt asked, sitting on Lily's desk to observe her as she tried and failed to find anything in the mess that was her room. She threw aside her covers, as though her skates might have been hidden in them before she dove into her closet.

"No."

"You're never going to find them," Matt proclaimed as a shoe went whipping out of the closet and past his head. He took the opportunity to move closer to the closet and see what Lily was doing. Unfortunately, Lily took that same opportunity to throw another shoe out of the closet and hit him right in the nose. His shout of pain caught Lily's attention and her face fell as she realized what she had done.

"I'm so sorry!"

"It's all right," Matt offered, gingerly holding his nose. "I'm going to summon your skates now though, for my health." Her quickly used the spell and soon sharp blades flew out of the desk and towards him. Lily grabbed the skates by the ties before they could do him any harm.

"So now you know that my house is a danger zone," Lily said, half joking. Matt laughed and nodded as they both stood and moved towards the living room. There, Mr. And Mrs. Evans were chatting with Tracy and Sam.

"I found them," Lily announced, holding up her stakes.

"Great, let's go," Tracy said, moving towards the door. The others followed after saying goodbye to the Evanses.

The day outside looked wretched. Ice patches could be found on the sidewalk and touching the metal fence around Lily's home hurt her hand. It was too cold too properly move without feeling pain shoot through a person's body. Lily wondered at once about the decision of her friends to pick this, of all days, to go ice-skating. When a blast of cold air hit her face, she outright asked them.

"It was Christine's idea originally," explained Sam.

"But she's not here."

"Stumpy failed to realize that as a problem," put in Matt. He looked at Lily for a moment and she sensed that there was something in his look. Actually, she immediately jumped to the conclusion that Matt felt something for Christine. They had known each other since they were toddlers and were closer than Matt and any of Tracy's other friends. If he ever patrolled with Lily again, she would be sure to ask him.

"I'm sad she's not here," Lily said.

"Me, too," Tracy agreed. "And I'm sad that you won't be coming to my party."

"You won't? Why not?" asked Matt.

"She has a date with a boy she doesn't like," replied Sam. Lily glared at her but she pretended not to notice.

"Don't worry, Lily. I do that all the time- date people I'm not interested in," jested Matt.

"Doesn't everyone?" Lily retorted, but for the rest of the journey she remained quiet, only offering commentary every now and again.

In the meantime, the friends crossed three streets and came upon the house of a Muggle friend of Matt. Lily barely even registered the face of the stranger as she went to the rink and skated with her friends. Her mind was occupied with thoughts of Christian and the date that never should have been. She couldn't cancel at this point but she considered it strongly.

~*~*~

New Year's Eve came with a bout of good weather (well, not good, but bearable) and a plummeting of Lily's spirits. She loved the Christmas holidays, loved sitting with her family as they told stories of what happened since August, loved hot cocoa and marshmallows on a cold day, loved walking in the crisp night air with her father as he lit the candles that lined their walkway, loved the smell of snow and the warmth of home. What she did not love was attending exclusive, expensive Balls with boys she did not want to encourage and room full of strangers she did not want to meet. But she knew she could not back out of an accepted invitation and so she woke on New Year's Eve with a sense of responsibility and no little dread.

Lily went over to Tracy's near noon on that day, knowing that Christian would not meet her until six and hoping to spend a few good hours with her friends before they began working on her make-up and outfit. Christine had other plans.

As she neared Tracy's house, the tall blond shape of Christine bounded out of the house and toward Lily at a speed that made Lily wonder if the girl had ever played Seeker.

"We have so much to do. If you can't fit one of our dress robes, you'll have to alter it. Tracy's mum knows the spell and you have to learn it because it's your dress and you have to make the changes that you want to make because she might be more modest than her but not overly so because the Ball is famous for it's fashion, both conservative and not but always classically-" and so the day progressed, the hours of the day slipping away as Lily played dress up.

Sam, Christine, and Tracy helped her pick out a dress from their extensive collections (a red dress that feel gently to the ground and was strappy at the top), let her borrow their magical make-up ("it changes color depending on lighting!"), and agreed that the black shoes she'd brought over worked well with the dress. Mrs. McGrath, Tracy's mother, loaned Lily a shawl (with heating charm) and purse (magically enlarged inside) to match the outfit and when Lily stood in front of the floor-length mirror in Tracy's room, she could not help but feel immensely feminine.

"All that needs to be done is my hair," proclaimed Lily.

"You don't need to do a thing with it," replied Mrs. McGrath. She picked up a strand of Lily's hair and let it fall back onto her shoulder. "Your hair's stunning on its own, the way it fall straight and curls just at the bottom, gorgeous. Besides, having your hair down will remind the stuffy politicians that you're still young. It'll make them jealous."

"Thank you," Lily said, smiling. "You've been such a great help. All of you-" A ring in the room interrupted her thanks. She spent enough time in Tracy's house to know the sound of a magical doorbell.

"Who do you suppose that is?" Christine asked Tracy.

"I asked some people to help with decorations. It must be the streamers," Tracy replied casually. Too casually. Lily tensed.

"What've you done?"

"Nothing," Tracy replied, heading out of her room. Lily chanced one more look in the mirror and still felt satisfied with the results. She felt good. It almost made going to the ball worth it, being able to dress up like this.

"It's almost five-thirty. You ought to be walking home," Mrs. McGrath said.

"Eeeee! I still just can't believe that you're going to the Crystal Ball tonight. I'm jealous," Christine said.

"No you aren't. You'll have a great time here," Lily replied.

"I know, but you might meet Tim Duncan!"

"Who's-"

"It really is time you got home. I'll walk with you," Sam interrupted. Lily turned and nodded as her friend, agreeing. Then the redhead carefully picked up her purse, draped her shawl around her shoulders, and headed for the exit. She left the clothes in which she had come in Tracy's room. She would pick them up in the morning.

"Tracy, where did you want these? I thought people weren't allowed upstairs-" called someone carrying a box blocking their face. But Lily did not need the face to know the person: James. She swallowed hard as he lowered the boxes to the ground, shouting, "I'm leaving these here. You figure out where they go."

Then his eyes swiveled around the hallway and Lily caught her breath when they landed on her and looked her up and down. He looked- he looked fabulous. Utterly perfect with his windswept hair and even the dorky glasses, but when his eyes met hers Lily could only hear the echo of his accusation in the back of her mind: You aren't even a part of this society.

"Hello," said Sam. For a moment, Lily felt betrayed that her friend would speak to him. Then she remembered that she hadn't told Sam about his horrible, horrible words.

"I thought you weren't coming," he said to Lily, ignoring Sam and irritating Lily in the processes. He ruffled his hair to make it stand on end. Then he realized what he was doing and stopped.

"I'm not. I'm leaving."

"Oh. Well. You look..." his voice trailed off and Lily looked around to see if any of his friends were around, about to ambush her. This must be a set up.

"She looks what?" asked Christine stepping out into the hallway beside Lily and Sam. Lily would have hit her friend if she hadn't been so embarrassed.

"She looks like she belongs on my arm," he finished, looking Lily with a sly twinkle in his eye.

"You wouldn't be ashamed to have a Muggle on your arm?" snapped Lily. His shocked and embarrassed look did little to curb her anger as she marched past him, down the stairs, out Tracy's door and towards her home with Sam jogging to keep up.

~*~*~

The walk to her house, at least, made up for the misery that was talking to James Potter. Lily and Sam laughed and caught up with one another. They spoke about little things that neither would remember in a day. All they would remember about this conversation was a feeling of happiness and joy. It's easy, when with a best friend, to let the problems you face slip away. It is easy to forget the drama of dating and the hassle of school. As snow fell that day and Lily charmed her hair dry and Sam slipped on a patch of ice, the two girls' cares were whisked away by the wind. All that remained was wonderfully mindless gossip.

"Did I mention that James invited Ian to Tracy's?" Sam asked.

"No. Is he coming?"

"Of course. Actually, I came with you hoping to run into him."

"So you're using me?" Lily teased, pretending to be offended.

"Basically." They smiled as they reached the door to Lily's home. Then the two girls embraced and Sam turned to Lily and pulled her into a tight hug.

"Be careful tonight," murmured Sam into Lily's hair. "They'll be watching you."

"Who?" asked Lily, holding her friend.

"Everyone. You're a Muggle-born girl on the arm of the eldest son of one of England's most prominent families."

"Oh."

"Just be careful."