Attack of the Preppy Cheerleaders

Chapter Three: Planet Fluffloofa

A hand reached out and grabbed Amanda Potter, first year, out of the crowd, pulling her off to the side.

It belonged to a certain Lily, that was not at all happy.

"Okay," she began. "I want to know everything that has been going on between James and that cheerleader," she nodded towards Ashley, who was talking to James over in a corner of the common room.

"Alright, but it'll cost you," Amanda said slyly.

Lily was about to say 'You're crazy!' when she happened to glance over at her boyfriend and then enemy. Her boyfriend was looking very interested in the enemy's pom poms. Lily heard a distinct giggle. "How much?" she asked through gritted teeth.

Amanda seemed content. "Five galleons,"

"Alright," she snapped. "Evil little girl," she muttered under her breath, tossing the gold into Amanda's outstretched and waiting hand.

"Much obliged," Amanda replied happily, depositing the money in her pocket, and she began to fill Lily in on the details.

If Lily had been mad before, it was nothing compared to the expression on her face, now that Amanda had finished. She was livid.

"I am going to kill him," she said angrily. "I'll strangle him with the lanyard that Ros is going to strangle Sirius with and-"

"As for Sirius, that'll be another five galleons," Amanda said, obviously hoping to get more money out of the redhead.

"Talk to Ros about that one, tater tot," Lily replied, walking off, and pulling James away from Ashley by the scruff of his neck. "Come here," she snapped at him. "I have something to talk to you about,"

Haleigh and Roslyn followed, incase they were needed to prevent murder.

"What?" James asked innocently.

"I have to talk to you about a certain cheerleader you've casually been chatting with for the past half hour,"

"Uh oh..." James muttered under his breath. Aloud he said, "Alright... um... you weren't in the library, were you?" he sounded hopeful.

"No... what happened in the library? Amanda didn't tell me about that..."

"Amanda? What's my little sister got to do with this?" James asked incredulously.

"She knows things, James. She has connections," Lily said simply.

"Like what?" Roslyn asked casually.

"Go talk to her, Ros," Lily advised, and as Roslyn was departing, she added. "And bring five galleons!"

"She's charging now?" James moaned.

"That's beside the point. What happened in the library?"

"Nothing! I swear!" James said nervously, and obviously not innocent.

"James, what happened in the goddamned library?" Lily hissed at him, and James took a small step back.

"Well... it was all perfectly innocent... nothing involving library tables at least..."

It was the wrong thing to say.

"Run, James. Run for your life," Haleigh advised. He turned to do just that, but Lily grabbed him by the collar.

"Uh uh. You're not getting away this time. Go over there and tell her to lay off," she nodded towards Ashley.

"But... but..." It was remarkable how much James sounded like his best friend at that moment.

"James, look at Sirius," Lily snapped, and James looked.

"Okay, okay, I see your point. I'll go tell her to knock it off,"

"And I'll go with you, to make sure you do," Lily added, following him back to Ashley, who at first shockingly enough appeared to be doing homework. Lily was rather relived when she found out that the peppy blond was just writing out cheers.

"Uh... We need to talk," James stuttered, a rather pained expression on his face as he pulled out a chair at the table and sat down.

Ashley looked up, but her perky smile disappeared the second she noticed the girlfriend standing behind her latest target.

"You... you're breaking up with me?" she asked, trying to look hurt.

"We were never together in the first place," James hissed, jerking his head at Lily, who made an indistinct noise in her throat. James hoped she wasn't plotting ways to kill him with a pom pom.

"Oh..." Ashley frowned.

"And... It's not that I don't want to see you again," James began. "It's just that... well... I want to put you on a space ship and send you off to planet Fluffloofa... and I'm sure there's a guy out there that's right for you... like... maybe one that's had part of his brain removed... and thinks he's a bunny... and then the two of you can go off and be bunnies together..."

Ashley was gaping at him. Her peppiness insulted, she was at a loss for words.

"Happy, Lily?" James asked Lily over his shoulder. Lily smiled cheerfully.

"Good boy," she said, patting him on the head, the way one would a pet dog. James was about to say that Sirius would probably enjoy the gesture more than he, but stopped, reminding himself that Lily (as far as any of them knew) was blissfully unaware of their midnight rounds.