Attack of the Preppy Cheerleaders

Prologue: Introduction By Roslyn Auerbach

During the whole thing, one thought kept hitting me, over and over again like a rabid bunny with the intelligence of a thermos and the energy of an ox: This is bad... this is really bad... this is really, really bad, this is really, really, totally and completely bad!!! I would've used a word other than 'bad' but I didn't happen to have my thesaurus on hand.

So I supposed it would've worked out... Maybe... More like never... I mean, It was worse than Voldermort! Worse than an alien invasion! It was cheerleaders!!! I still have nightmares about those days. Scary, I tell you.

Pom pom wavers from hell, those girls were.

The "system" had forgot one key detail, and its name?

Sirius Black.

Chapter One: The Cheerleaders Have Landed

"Since when does this school have pep rallies?" James moaned as the group of seven Gryffindor students headed down the marble staircase at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry and towards the Quidditch field for the first pep rally in the history of Hogwarts.

"Since when does this school have cheerleaders?" Roslyn Auerbach retorted, scowling.

"Any sport that combines pom poms and girls doing gymnastics in really short skirts is okay by me," her boyfriend, James's best friend, Sirius Black replied offhandedly.

Roslyn glared at him. "I didn't mean that..." Sirius said, shrinking away slightly. When Roslyn got mad, she was scary.

Roslyn was the temper of the group. The bad temper.

"Chill, Ros," Haleigh chimed in. "How bad can it be?"

By the time they got to the Quidditch field, she knew the answer.

Roslyn and Haleigh's best friend spoke. "Shoot me," Lily moaned. "On second thought, don't. I'm already in Hell,"

'Hell' seemed to describe the scene that met their eyes pretty well in Roslyn's opinion.

Pom poms, cheerleaders, and the sounds of hundreds of students in the bleachers being tortured by being forced to watch and listen.

Meanwhile, Sirius's attention was in other places. Places where it ought not to be, thought Roslyn.

"Sirius, No," she and James said in unison, grabbing his arms.

"But... but..." Sirius stumbled over the words.

"No!" they repeated.

"But... they've got pom poms!" Sirius protested.

Remus Lupin, Haleigh's boyfriend and James and Sirius's other best friend rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Double meanings, Sirius," he muttered.

Haleigh turned to glare at him. "And why are you thinking that way?" she snapped. "They're nothing but a bunch of blond-haired bimbos!" she added spitefully.

"But... you've got blond hair," Remus ventured cautiously.

Haleigh glowered at him. "Say that again, and I'll dye it green,"

"Please don't," Remus pleaded. "I like your hair,"

Roslyn went on to add, that if Haleigh dyed her hair green, she would kill her and never speak to her again.

"But if you kill me, you can't speak to me," Haleigh said reasonably, her logical side kicking in.

"Care to test that theory, Haleigh?" Roslyn, who's nerves were already stretched to a breaking point by the horrifying discovery of cheerleaders in their midst, asked fiercely.

"Uh, no. That's okay," Haleigh replied, stepping back, and crossing her fingers in an X as though warding off vampires.

"Please don't kill my girlfriend, Ros," Remus said sincerely. "I happen to rather like this one,"

"And what do you mean this one?" Haleigh asked, turning to frown at him.

"Nothing, dear," Remus muttered meekly, inching away from Haleigh.

At this point, Lily noticed that James and Sirius had both been silent during this whole episode. This struck her as odd, because it was very un-James and Sirius like behavior to stay quiet for long.

She looked by back, just in time to see James dragging Sirius back from the group of giggling, blond cheerleaders by the scruff of his neck. "Sirius, no! Get back here!" he yelled, as Sirius pulled free, and ran.

James proceeded to chase Sirius around the Quidditch field.

"I am going to kill my boyfriend," Roslyn said through gritted teeth. "I'll take one of those pom poms and beat him over the head with it... and do it again... and again... and again..." she was demonstrating all this very accurately, Lily thought.

"And then I'll strangle him with a lanyard," Roslyn added.

"Uh... oh... Haleigh, grab her!" Lily said, and both Remus and Haleigh seized Roslyn to keep her from turning any of her fantasies to realities.

By this time, James had successfully captured Sirius and proceeded to drag him to the bleachers where the rest of the group and his doom - aka Roslyn Auerbach - awaited, Sirius protesting all the way.

"James! Let go! She'll kill me! She's going to kill me!" Sirius objected, trying to pull free.

"She'll kill you even more if you go back to those cheerleaders, you know that, don't you?" James asked logically.

Roslyn watched the battle in amusement, sighed, and rolled her eyes, all the while plotting revenge.