Volunteers

Date: April 22
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
I think Ben may be at his mother's place this Wednesday, so we'll have to reschedule the playdate.

Date: April 23
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
That's too bad. I'll let Alec know.

Date: April 23
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Actually, never mind. He'll be here.

Date: April 23
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Good, we'll see you then.

April 23

Harry let Joshua roll over in his hand and watched as his tiny chest rose and fell inside the protective bubble and his forehead scrunched up. Hermione shifted in her sleep, murmuring something, and Alec glanced at Harry. Harry nodded reassuringly, amused at how seriously Alec was taking his duty to guard Joshua and Hermione during Ron's brief absence. Also amused at how seriously Alec was taking his self-imposed assignment to closely observe Joshua; apparently Ben had been fascinated by the idea of a baby in a bubble and had asked Alec a million questions about it the other day, which Alec hadn't been able to answer. He'd be ready the next time he saw Ben.

Which would be in two days. Harry berated himself silently over that for the hundredth time.

That had been so stupid. He'd gone to the concert determined to simply fulfill a social obligation and find some way of extricating himself from the mess he'd made, because Ron and Hermione were right. There was no future in getting Alec and Ben together, it was sheer idiocy to think there could be, and there was no point letting himself get further drawn into this ridiculous... thing he had towards Draco.

And then they got there, and Alec was so happy, and Ben was such an engaging little person, and Draco was so patient with Alec, so willing to listen to him and talk with him. So... attractive and interesting. Even hearing him talk about his family had been interesting, because Harry had grown up thinking of the Malfoy family as a group of cold, inhuman bigots. Not that they weren't, but apparently they'd also been a family like any other, with shared secrets and laughter and embarrassing moments.

There was so much that kept drawing him in, no matter how much he told himself that he didn't care and shouldn't be interested. Like the way Draco was also unsure about entering into relationships, as much as Harry was. Like the way it seemed they were both somehow apart from the people around him, Harry by reason of his curse, Draco by reason of his past.

Not to mention the fact that Draco seemed - mostly - comfortable with Muggles. Living as one of them, despite how difficult it must have been to take that step, raised as he had been to hate Muggles. A Malfoy gone Muggle. Talk about Student Least Likely To.

And... well, he'd been dressed in a semi-casual white shirt and black trousers, as were the other members of the choir, but on Draco they looked like an invitation to ogle. Elegant without being ostentatious, complementing his fair skin, leaving him looking so casual and relaxed and...

Oh, not going there, Harry thought in dismay. No, think of something else.

"Where's Jason?" Alec asked, breaking his train of thought.

"He's with Uncle Fred, because his mum and dad are busy with the baby."

"Why's he so little? Philippe wasn't so little."

"Philippe was born after he'd been in Auntie Fleur's tummy for nine months. But Auntie Hermione had a lot of nasty spells thrown at her during the war, so it's hard for her to keep a baby in her tummy long enough for it to be okay." Alec's eyebrows shot up. "Not that Joshua's not okay," Harry said hastily, "but it's going to take a while for him to be able to go home."

"Oh."

Harry gazed thoughtfully at Alec watching his tiny cousin, and felt a lump in his throat. Not that Alec was normally all that intrigued by babies, but... it was hard not to feel a sense of loss at the thought that he would never even come close to this. Never know the thrill of watching his own flesh and blood grow from babyhood, never see his child grow inside the woman he loved.

Never know the heartbreak of losing her in childbirth either, he reminded himself. And with any luck, if Harry figured out how to do it right, he would grow up knowing that procreation was barred to him, but that there was no reason he couldn't still be a father if he wanted to be.

Ron came back into the room, looking somewhat more rested than he had been when he'd left Alec and Harry an hour ago.

"Feeling better?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, much, thanks," Ron said. "Nice to be away from the hospital smell for a while. I don't know how Hermione can sleep through it. You all right, mate?" he asked Alec, who smiled and nodded. Ron ruffled his hair. "Thanks for helping with the baby," he said, taking Joshua back from Harry.

Alec nodded and leaned forward, carefully putting a finger inside the bubble and stroking Joshua's hand.

"Your daddy's here, so I'm going to go now," he whispered to the baby, and went to the corner of the room where he'd left his music books.

"How's Hermione doing?" Harry asked, keeping his voice low.

"She's better. It's taken a lot out of her. She knows he's all right, but she wasn't expecting to feel this bad about him being born so early."

"No, I can imagine."

Ron opened his mouth to speak, closed it again. He gazed at Joshua for a long moment. "Y'know, I don't think we can do this again," he confessed, his voice low. "I... I can't watch her suffer like this. Not again."

Harry cleared his throat, nodding. "Yeah, I know."

"She's just - she's really strong, but I couldn't take how much pain she was in. She nearly-" Ron closed his mouth, his face flushing as he looked away. There was a strained silence before Ron cleared his throat, looking mortified.

"What?" Harry asked.

Ron shook his head. "I... I'm a f-" He closed his mouth again, eyes darting towards Alec, humming to himself on the floor. "I'm an idiot," he said. "Bloody hell, that was a stupid thing to say."

Harry sighed, understanding. There had been few of these moments in the last few years; the Weasleys still spoke about Ginny, but only about her life, never her death. Not even indirectly. "It's not stupid. It's hard to watch something like that," he said awkwardly, and he wished the topic didn't have to be a taboo between him and Ron at least. He wished he could figure out how to tell Ron that it was okay for him to have, in the middle of dealing with Hermione's pain, temporarily forgotten that Harry had been through a similar experience himself, with far more devastating results.

Unfortunately, he didn't have a clue how to even begin to say any of that, and never had. Widower and brother to the same woman, they didn't know how to talk about her death and how they felt about it. Not that either necessarily wanted to talk about it, but their silence on the topic led to moments like this once in a while, and it would have been nice to see them gone.

Alec was softly humming to himself, a snippet of one of the songs he'd heard yesterday. It was hard to believe that once he'd been so small he'd been unable to speak or communicate in any way. Totally helpless and dependent on Harry and Dobby for everything.

He'd been so animated yesterday, at the concert. So joyful, and they'd stayed much longer than Harry had planned, though he'd finally had to leave in order to not make a lie of the flimsy "other commitments" excuse he'd given Draco. He hadn't been able to duck out of the playdate issue, but had at least managed to structure it so that there wouldn't be much contact between himself and Draco. Harry would drop off Alec at Draco's house, then pick him up a few hours later. He'd invented an excuse for not being able to stay himself.

An excuse he needed, badly, because he was losing all common sense around Draco. He'd gone to the concert determined to stay detached and had instead managed to not only stay later than he meant to and set up a playdate, but reveal his sexual orientation and the curse behind Ginny's death as well.

And he couldn't even really give himself a good explanation why. With the sexuality issue he could tell himself that it would have felt dishonest to simply agree with Draco's assumption that he was straight, because he wasn't and never had been, and it wasn't a secret, but telling him about Ginny and the curse was harder to explain.

It wasn't a state secret, and nobody had vowed to conceal it forever; only until Alec was old enough that he could be told, and until there wasn't much risk of it getting to the press. And Harry could tell himself that Alec would be old enough soon, that the press was no longer all that interested in him, and that Draco was unlikely to use the knowledge against him or tell anybody about it, but he doubted he could explain to anybody why he felt that way. He wasn't even sure he was right to do so. Draco had shown himself to be quite unprincipled and manipulative in the past; why did Harry feel he wouldn't tell anybody what he'd learned?

And even if he accepted that it was okay and safe to tell Draco, why had he done so? Just because there wasn't any reason to avoid doing something did not mean you had to do it.

He'd been surprised that Draco had asked him if anything was wrong, that was part of it. He was flattered that he'd noticed Harry was a bit off. And then he'd been just a bit angry at Draco for assuming that he was the only one with dark secrets, while at the same time wanting to let him know he wasn't alone. That he didn't have to be alone.

The timing could've been better, but then again, there hadn't been much to say after telling him about the curse. Draco had been a bit more reserved afterwards, but he'd probably just been tired after singing through the concert.

He'd looked amazing up there, too. Focused, unselfconscious, part of a group - of Muggles, no less - and not the centre of attention in any way, yet seemingly quite comfortable with that. Pouring his heart and soul into the music. Harry had actually found himself a bit flustered at the end of the concert, when Draco had rejoined them and he'd suddenly become aware that he'd been staring rather closely at him throughout the concert and should stop that now that Draco was close enough to catch him at it.

He sighed, trying very hard to push out of his mind the erotic images that had assailed him once he was back home and trying to go to sleep. Trying to not think of how he'd finally given up and allowed himself to fantasize about Draco, and brought himself off with images of him that were really best left in his subconscious. Images of opening that crisp white shirt, touching the small gold loop earring Draco wore, holding his hand, bringing their lips together, running his hand down Draco's back and to his...

Oh God, this was not the time and place. He cleared his throat, pushing the images out and steadfastly attempting to ignore the heat rising through him and colouring his face, making himself focus on the baby instead and glancing over at Alec, remembering his son's first days.

He'd been so small. Not nearly as tiny as Joshua, of course, but he'd been so small, so soft. So innocent. It had seemed impossible to believe that such a perfect little creature had been touched by Dark Magic before he was even conceived. That Voldemort had reached cold dead hands out from beyond the grave and cursed him, to blight his life and Harry's, and probably make Harry hate him as well. Harry had decided through the miasma of fatigue, guilt and grief that at least he could beat Voldemort there and not let the curse turn him against his own son, who hadn't done anything to deserve their curse.

"D'you think I should bring my songs when I go play on Wednesday?" Alec asked softly, climbing into Harry's lap, and Harry smiled even as he tensed in anticipation of Ron's reaction, should he catch on to what they were talking about.

"That might be nice."

"D'you think he'd like it if we went on your broom?"

"Yeah, probably, but we can't do that. We'll travel by Floo."

"Why can't we fly?"

"They live in a Muggle part of the city," Harry said. "It would look very odd if we came to visit them on a broom."

"They don't use brooms at all?"

"No, not at all. Only for sweeping the floors."

Ron suddenly drew in a sharp breath and Harry tensed. "Please tell me he's not talking about what I think he's talking about," Ron said softly after a moment.

Alec looked at him curiously and Harry swallowed hard, but set his jaw. "All right, I won't tell you," he said evenly.

"Harry-"

"Later," Harry said firmly. "Not right now." He forced himself to maintain the same casual, relaxed pose.

"We are going to talk about this," Ron said, his voice strained, keeping his anger in check.

"Shh, Jason we don't know if your mum is sleeping or not," Fred's voice, uncharacteristically soft, startled both of them, and Harry and Ron locked eyes for a moment, wordlessly agreeing to pause the discussion as Jason and Fred quietly entered the room.

"Hi Jason," Ron said, releasing Joshua's bubble and taking Jason onto his lap. "How's he been?" he asked Fred.

"Good, good. How's-" Fred lowered his voice as he saw Hermione sleeping. "She all right?"

"Yeah, just tired," Ron said. "Don't worry, her bed's spelled silent, you can't wake her up. You didn't give your uncle trouble, did you Jason?" he asked, ruffling his hair.

Jason gave him an indignant look and Fred chuckled. "Ronnie, there's nothing your boy can do that Michelle can't do ten times worse. You showed her, though, right?"

"I'm having nightmares, I swear," Ron said to Harry. "By the time we get Jason back Michelle's going to have him trained to terrorize the whole house."

Fred chuckled and ruffled Alec's hair. "And how are you, little one?" he asked, and Harry was once more amused at how Fred, so quick to skewer so many other family members with his wit and sharp tongue, always had a soft spot for Alec. Ginny had been his and George's favorite sibling, and they both treated her son with gentle affection totally at odds with how they treated the rest of the family.

Totally at odds with how Fred treated the rest of the family. George had mellowed a great deal since the war.

Alec smiled at his uncle and held out his arms, and Fred picked him up from Harry's lap. "You're getting so big," Fred said. "Has Dobby been feeding you rocks again?"

Alec giggled and shook his head.

"What have you been doing? D'you have any new songs you've made up?"

"I have a friend," Alec said, and Harry and Ron looked at each other, startled.

"Erm, Alec-" Harry started to stand up, realizing with a sinking feeling that he didn't have the first clue how to derail the conversation.

"A friend? Who's your friend?" Fred asked.

"His name's Ben. His mummy's a Muggle, but his daddy's a wizard. He works with Daddy."

Fred glanced at Harry, smiling. "Coworker?" he asked Harry.

"No, he's only working with Daddy for a little bit and he's in Ireland and he does music! And Ben does music too!"

Fred's eyebrows shot up and he gaped at Harry in disbelief. Harry's heart sank.

"Please tell me he's not saying what I think he's saying," Fred said after a moment, and Harry winced as Alec frowned at Fred, puzzled.

Ron cleared his throat and shifted Jason on his lap, looking up at Fred. "Fred, don't-"

"He's talking about Malfoy, isn't he?" Fred asked dangerously, and Harry swallowed hard.

Bloody hell.

"His name's Draco," Alec said softly, and winced slightly as Fred's hands tightened involuntarily. "Uncle Fred!" he said, and Fred looked down and loosened his grip.

"You're not serious. Malfoy's son?? Is Alec's new friend?!" he said in disbelief, his voice rising.

Harry took a deep breath and tried to speak calmly. "Look, he was - it wasn't planned, we just had to go to the Hill and set out some wards and-"

"And you let that worthless piece of shite get near Alec?!" Fred shouted, and the others jumped in alarm.

"Fred!" Ron said, getting up with Jason still in his arms. Harry noted that Alec and Jason were gaping at Fred, Alec's green eyes wide, his lower lip trembling a bit.

"Stop it!" Harry took Alec from Fred, almost snatching him away. "Get a grip on yourself!"

"What the hell is the matter with you?!" Fred all but bellowed, fury radiating off of him.

Alec buried his head in Harry's shoulder and Harry stroked his hair soothingly while trying to control his own growing anger. "This is none of your business-"

"None of my - that's my nephew you're endangering-"

"I am not endangering my own son - he's found a friend, somebody he can talk to about music and who doesn't scare the hell out of him!" Harry shouted, and the thought flashed through his mind that this was absolutely not the right way to handle this and that as a mature adult and responsible parent his first priority should be to get Alec out of this frightening situation and not to defend his own parental choices, but it was as if he was fifteen years old again and unable to rein in his temper.

"What the hell are you talking about?? Since when do we scare him??"

Alec burrowed deeper into Harry's neck.

"Fred!" Ron said firmly. "Stop it!"

"You're - do you actually approve of-"

"NO, but bloody hell, you're scaring the kids!" Ron said, and Fred had the grace to look abashed.

"What's the matter with you?" he repeated, lowering his voice slightly. "Thought it was so nice playing with the defanged Death Eater that the next best thing was to have your son make friends with his? Putting everybody around you in danger during school wasn't enough, now you want to do the same to your own son?"

Harry sucked in his breath, feeling furious and defensive and he was going to kill Fred. "I am not putting him in danger! Malfoy's not the same person he was in school, and if you'd bother to think for-"

"What, do you have a bloody death wish? Addicted to stupid thrills?" Fred shot back. "Or is this about a different kind of thrill? Is this because Malfoy's a bloody shirt-lifter?"

Harry felt a blush rising even through his anger, and Fred's taunt had obviously been made a mere shot in the dark, but now he was staring at Harry in disbelief. "That's NOT what this is about, is it?"

"No!" Harry shouted back. "And even if it was-"

"After everyone we've pushed your way, are you really this hard up that you'd-"

"Bloody hell!" Ron said furiously. "You're both acting like complete arses!" He put Jason down and pulled Alec out of Harry's arms. "All right, come on, boys, let's go out and let Daddy and Uncle Fred sort this out, yeah?" he said as he ushered them both out of the room, giving Harry and Fred a disgusted glare.

"Is this seriously what's going on here?" Fred said as the door swung shut. "You're wanting a shag, so you're letting your son get to know his and you're going to... what? Bond over fatherhood? Reminisce about the war? Have a good-"

"No!" Harry said forcefully. "It's not like that. Malfoy and his son like music, that's all, and Malfoy's son doesn't know any other wizards, and we just thought that-"

"Oh I see, yes, it's all very twee and darling, I'm sure," Fred said, his voice dripping contempt. "How nice that they're getting along and Alec loves music and oh look, Malfoy likes it too. That's marvelous. At what point is reality going to set in for you? After you shag the bastard, or after Alec's decided he wants Malfoy to be his other dad?"

"It's not like that! I don't want to - I'm not trying to do anything-"

"D'you think Ginny would've wanted her son around that man?" Fred demanded.

"I don't know! Probably not." Harry took a deep breath. "But she's not here, is she?"

"So you're going to replace her with Draco Malfoy?!"

"No. I'm not." Harry sat down, feeling tired. He stared at his hands, a million different emotions welling up. "Look... I can't bring her back, can I? I'm not trying to replace her, I just-"

Fred shook his head and made an eloquent sound of disgust. "You want a roll, go ahead, mate. We'll watch Alec, you can shag as many blokes as you want, girls too, who cares. If that's what you-"

"That's not what I want!" Harry snapped.

"Then what the hell do you want?!"

"Just to not be so fucking alone any more!" he shouted, standing up, and realized to his dismay that his eyes had filled and he was shaking. He took a step back, covered his face with a trembling hand, and breathed in slowly. "I am not going to talk about this. Nobody can talk to you when you get like this." He turned on his heel and went out the door, almost crashing into Ron in the hallway where he knelt with the two little boys, talking to a portrait of a mediwitch holding a baby mermaid.

He swallowed and bent down to pick up Alec again, noting that he seemed calmer, though still a bit upset. Ron gave him a questioning glance before going back into the hospital room.

"What happened, Daddy?" Alec whispered, and Harry pressed his cheek against Alec's and tried to figure out how to explain the situation.

"Erm. Uncle Fred knew Draco a very very long time ago," he said carefully. "And they didn't like each other very much. Uncle Fred thinks Draco's still the same as he was back then." There. That was pathetically inadequate, but it would have to do.

"Was Draco really bad?"

Harry paused again, grateful that the mediwitch and merbaby in the portrait were keeping Jason thoroughly entertained. "He wasn't always a very nice person, but a lot of people aren't very nice when they're young and then they're fine when they grow up. My daddy wasn't very nice when he was at school either. People can change."

"Doesn't Uncle Fred believe that?"

"Not in Draco's case. I can't really explain that part, little man. Uncle Fred's got his own reasons for thinking what he thinks."

Alec nodded, somewhat reassured. Harry put him down. "I'm going to say good bye to Uncle Ron and Uncle Fred, all right? Then we're going home."

Alec trotted over to the portrait and stared up in rapt attention as the mediwitch spoke in what sounded like mermish to the baby. Harry pushed the open door a fraction, stopping as Ron's exasperated voice came out.

"-not telling him it's all right, you idiot! We both told him it was a bad idea!"

"And then you let him go right on doing what he was doing-"

"We're not his parents, Fred! He said they were only working - I didn't know Malfoy was going to invite Alec over and Harry would say yes! We thought he was going to say so sorry, it's not going to work out-"

"But he didn't!! And you're not bloody well-"

"I was going to talk to him later because I didn't want to get into a yelling match with him and scare the hell out of Alec!! Remember, that's who we're trying to protect here? Alec? The little kid who just looked at you like you were about to Crucio his dad?"

"And you don't think scaring Alec is worth it, if it keeps him away from Malfoy?!"

There was a silence. "No, I don't."

Fred made a disbelieving sound. "You're a gibbering idiot, then."

"Maybe you're the gibbering idiot," Ron shot back. "We're talking about Draco Malfoy, Fred. Not You-Know- not Voldemort. Hermione did some asking around, and he's made no trouble since before Azkaban. None. And he's had Aurors watching him night and day just itching for any excuse to toss him back in. If he'd even sneezed wrong they would've got him."

"Oh please-"

"Besides, Harry trusts him. Maybe you should think about that."

"You're not serious!"

"He works with Muggles and kids, Fred! The Malfoy we knew never would've done either. Maybe he's actually changed, you know?"

Fred made another sound of disgust.

"Look, he makes Alec and Harry happy," Ron said, sounding tired. "God knows the rest of us don't have much luck with either of them. Maybe you should trust Harry's judgment for once. Maybe Malfoy deserves a second chance. Maybe he's paid enough for what he did."

"You look Bill in the face and tell me Malfoy's paid for what he did!"

"Stop it," Ron snapped. "You look at Ginny's son and tell me he deserves to keep paying for what Voldemort did!"

"Voldemort didn't let in the Death Eaters that took half of Bill's face off!"

"He was sixteen years old! And that bastard was threatening his parents!"

"Now you're defending him?"

"I wouldn't, if it wasn't for Alec. And Harry."

"We can take care of Alec."

"Oh yeah? Are you going to leave your own kids at home so you can tuck him in every night? You're going to pick him up when he scrapes his knee? Give him his first flying lesson? We all say we're there for him, but it's not the same as him having two parents."

"You want that to be Alec's other parent?"

"No, of course not! I was in his year, I took more from him than anybody else in this family. The bastard almost killed me, remember? But I can see how hard it is for Harry, being on his own like this. Besides, who knows, maybe if he dates Malfoy, he'll finally get over Ginny and start dating other people. Maybe even find a mum for Alec, or another dad."

"I don't want him around my nephew."

"It's not up to you." There was a scrape of a chair. "You're not the only one who suffered, Fred."

"You're an idiot," Fred said, his voice growing closer. He opened the door, pushing past Harry and stalking away without another word.

Ron followed out the door, giving Hermione and the baby a glance as he joined Harry and the boys in the hallway.

"Did you mean that?" Harry asked after a moment.

"What, about trusting your judgment?"

"Yeah."

"No." Ron cleared his throat. "I can't believe I'm saying this because this is Hermione's line, but you're being bloody irresponsible. For one thing, Fred's not the only one who'll think the same way."

Harry sighed. "I know."

"We're behind you, though," Ron said grudgingly. "I think you're wrong and you're going to royally screw up, but I'm behind you. And Fred will come around. I hope."

Harry nodded, gazing at Alec. This was so stupid. He wasn't actually going to do anything. All this fuss over so little. This thing, whatever it was, between him and Draco really amounted to nothing more than a relationship between their kids. And some thoughts and dreams that were becoming more and more difficult to deny...

"This is all over nothing," he muttered. "Draco probably doesn't want to have anything to do with me anyway."

Ron rolled his eyes. "All right, I don't need Hermione to help me with this one. Come on, you're not that naïve. Malfoy's been shunned for years; d'you think he wouldn't jump at the chance to date you, whether he fancied you or not? The publicity alone-"

"Actually, I think that would repel him more than anything else. He's trying to lie low. For his son's sake."

Ron shook his head. "I'm not going to argue this one with you, but you're bloody daft if you believe that." He rubbed his forehead and sighed. "Look, I mean it, mate. We're behind you even if we think you're being an idiot. You're an honorary Weasley for life, whether you like it or not. You can't get rid of us that easily."

"That alone could be enough to discourage Malfoy even if he does want anything to do with me."

Ron smiled. "Good point." He sobered again. "Just... be careful."

Harry nodded. "Yeah. I'll try."

***

Date: April 24
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
How expensive is Obliviating Thread? I just got a call from a Muggle-born Hogwarts student who says that his mother keeps leaving his spell books and Hogwarts awards out where people can see them whenever he's home for holidays. He's getting embarrassed at how often the Obliviators have to come to his house, and he was wondering if I had any ideas on how to deal with this.

Date: April 24
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
It's not cheap, but it does a fairly good job. You do have to be careful to set the thread where it'll be able to Obliviate people who've seen the thing they weren't supposed to see. They don't guarantee success every time because they've found too many people don't set it right.
Why did he contact you?

Date: April 25
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
He said something about a friend of his who's going to be doing alchemy on the Hill on Beltane, and said she passed on my name, not sure why. Anyway, I guess the Thread's worth a shot. Are WWW still at Diagon Alley?

Date: April 25
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Don't worry about contacting them, I'll just bring one of my rolls of Thread when I drop off Alec tonight, and you can pass it on to the student.

***
April 25

Draco sipped his tea and prepared to re-read the e-mail before him. Janine, one of the choir directors he worked with, had requested his opinion on certain choir matters, and he'd learned the hard way that failing to show her proper deference led to her ignoring even his most sensible suggestions. The woman was almost as overly sensitive as Mother had been; dealing with her was the only thing that could make Draco really pity his father.

"This is brilliant! They all fit together!" Alec was saying, and Draco looked over his screen at the two boys in the living room and smiled. Harry had dropped off Alec and then gone off to Gringott's Dublin branch, saying he'd be back in a couple of hours. The boys had had some disagreement at first about whether to play with Lego or play a video game. Lego had won out, as Alec wasn't all that impressed with the computer, being accustomed to interactive portraits. Which suited Draco just fine; he had some e-mailing that needed doing, and if the boys played in the living room he could still keep an eye on them through the open French doors of the study.

"They're really easy to put together too, if you know what you're doing," Ben was saying in an authoritative, almost condescending tone, and Draco smirked. It was funny how as Ben got older, Draco could often hear himself coming out of Ben's mouth in words or tone.

So, first off, the Kara situation. He looked at what he'd written so far.

I know Kara's not the most responsible choir member, but she's got a hell of a powerful voice. Not letting her sing the solos when she actually shows up for performances is not evenhanded choir discipline, it's petty and bullheaded, and you're shooting yourself in the foot.

All right, how to make that palatable to Janine.

"Hey! It jumped!!" Ben cried out in delight, and Draco looked up again. Ben had a rapt expression on his face and Alec was grinning as they both gazed at a Chocolate Frog.

"Dad!" Ben said, picked up the frog and ran towards the study.

"No magic in the study, you'll short out the computer," Draco said automatically, and Ben stopped at the doorway, disappointed. "It's all right, I've seen Chocolate Frogs before."

"Besides it's only got one good jump. Then you eat it," Alec said.

Ben looked skeptical but bit into it. "Mmm!"

Draco smiled and went back to his e-mail. He could remind Janine of the spontaneous cheering that had broken out of the audience during the last performance before Kara had even finished her solo. Or maybe appeal to her vanity; Kara was starting to make a name for herself, and it might give the choir, and therefore Janine, some welcome publicity to include Kara's name in the concert listings. Not to mention the cachet of being able to say that she'd "discovered" Kara.

He glanced over at the boys as he considered how to word his thoughts, and couldn't suppress an amused smile at the scene. If anybody had told him at Hogwarts that some day his son and Harry Potter's would be playing together, he probably would've called St. Mungo's for the poor lunatic. He had a vision of Trelawney predicting this in her misty voice and snickered.

Father would probably have a heart attack if he ever heard of this. Draco's smile faded and he went back to his e-mail.

The new soprano is an excellent addition to the choir as far as adding volume is concerned. However, placing her in the front row makes as much sense as playing a lullaby with a bagpipe. Consigning her to the back row is an excellent plan, especially since she's also a bit of an eyesore. The soprano section will eventually learn to deal with her nails-on-a-blackboard voice. The same cannot be said of our audiences, should her screeching and visually damaging presence continue in the front row.

Of course, the screecher was one of Janine's friends, so again there was this delicacy thing...

"They come with a card, too!" Alec said, and there was a rustle. "That's Albus Dumbeldore!" he said, and Draco looked up again, jolted.

"Who's he?"

"He was a hero, he was really really powerful. He was the only one Voldymort ever feared." Draco swallowed hard. "And he was killed by Sevrus Snape a really long time ago. And my Daddy knew him!"

"He's moving!" Ben exclaimed.

"Yeah, they do that. Sometimes they even leave the card for a while. Here, I've got another one," Alec said, and opened another package.

Draco realized he'd been holding his breath and released it, noticing also that he was feeling a bit nauseated. He shook his head, picked up his tea and took a calming sip before trying to pick up his train of thought. Where was he... right, the shrill-voiced soprano. Next was the issue of having a couple of the baritones join the tenors during one of the men's solo sections in the Freedom Trilogy. And maybe-

"Are you going to marry my Daddy?"

Draco inhaled his tea and choked, barely stopping himself from spitting the tea back into the cup. "What?!" he coughed.

Alec's green eyes were serious. "Are you going to marry my Daddy?" he repeated. "Because I think he'd like that. He feels bad that I don't have a mum. But he said he won't marry another lady. But maybe he could marry you. And then I'd have two parents. And so would Ben."

"If you married Alec's dad would that make us brothers?" asked Ben, and Draco realized his mouth was hanging open and what tea was left in it was about to dribble out. He closed it.

"Yeah," Alec said. "I think so."

"I never had a brother. Mam says she's not having any more babies."

"I never have either. I wanted some, but Daddy says I can't have any. I have cousins though. And Grandmum and Grandad. But only on my Weasley side."

Draco blinked in relief, profoundly grateful - for once - for the annoying tendency of small children to skip from one topic to another with dizzying speed. Grateful also that the two boys didn't appear to need his participation in the conversation.

"I've only got family on me Mam's side too. But not on me Dad's. And we don't see Mam's family very much."

"Why not?"

"Her dad doesn't like mixed people."

"Mixed-up people?"

"No, mixed, you know, because their parents are different."

"You mean half-bloods?" Ben frowned, not sure what a half-blood was, but nodded. Alec's eyes widened. "That's terrible! My Daddy's a half-blood and he's really powerful!"

Ben's frown grew. "He doesn't look like a... half-blood," he said slowly, and Draco felt a hysterical giggle rising in his throat. He suppressed it ruthlessly.

Now Alec was frowning. "What's a half-blood supposed to look like?"

"Brown... er," Ben said. "Browner than him, like me."

"What?" Now Alec looked utterly lost.

"Because their mum is brown but their dad is white. Like mine."

"Why would that matter?"

"I don't know, but Mam's Da says it's really bad to mix like that. What's half-blood mean, then?"

"It's when your mum's a Muggle but your dad's a wizard."

"That's like me!"

"Yeah."

"Some wizards wouldn't like me?"

"Some. Not many. There was a really bad man who hated people who were mixed but Daddy helped to beat him. So did my Mummy. She was a hero."

"Did you help to beat him too, Dad?" Ben asked.

Oh damn, they'd remembered he was here. Draco tried to keep his voice as casual as possible. "Ben, this is all stuff we need to talk about, but not right now. Go play and we'll talk about it later."

"Why not right now?"

Draco swallowed hard but kept the casual tone. "There's a few things you should probably know about the wizarding world, and I imagine a lot of it would be rather boring to hear. Now, would you rather play with your friend, or listen to me tell you about a lot of boring stuff that happened a long time ago?"

Ben nodded dubiously and started to leave, but Alec stayed where he was.

"He fancies you, I think," he told Draco seriously.

"Who?" Ben asked.

"My Daddy. I think."

"Does he?" Ben asked, pleased.

"Oh yes. He smiles more than he used to, and he says nice things about you."

"I think Mam would like it if you fancied him too," Ben said. "I told her I thought you did. Do you?"

Draco opened his mouth, without a clue as to what was going to come out, and was profoundly grateful when Alec spoke instead.

"My Daddy doesn't like it when Uncle Fred says nasty things about you. He said that-"

"I don't have any uncles," Ben said, and Draco was too flustered to chastise him for interrupting. "Are they nice?"

"I've got loads and loads of uncles. I like most of them. Uncle Percy's a bit dull. He gave me stocks in British Cauldrons Inc. for Christmas."

"I got a bow and arrow! D'you want to see?"

"Sure!" Alec said, and the boys left the study.

Draco sat back, mind whirling, and wondered again if it had been such a bright idea to invite Alec over. Ben was having a wonderful time, and it looked like Alec was too, but in between the reference to Albus Dumbledore and the skirting of the Malfoy family issue and the talk about marriage and who fancied whom, Draco's own nerves were rather strained. He glanced at the clock. One hour until Harry came to pick up Alec. Too bloody long.

He'd known, damn it, known the day of the park concert that continuing contact with Alec and Harry was a bad idea. He hadn't been able to put off the kids clamoring for a playdate right after the concert, but he'd been determined to get out of it as soon as possible and had actually sent Harry an e-mail making an excuse.

But Ben had looked so heartbroken when he'd been told Alec wouldn't be coming over, and it was only one playdate, and...

God, what a pathetic sap he was. This probably served him right.

He left the study and entered the living room, where Ben was showing Alec his bow and arrow set. He pulled out a few papers and crayons and put them on the floor near the boys, picked up a book, and sat down to read near them so that he could try to deflect the conversation if it started to go near places it shouldn't go. And tried to think of how the hell he was going to look Harry in the eye when he came to pick up Alec.

How disconcerting. He'd been so busy trying to deal with his own reaction to the man and so convinced there could be no reciprocation because Harry was straight that he hadn't even thought to wonder how Harry felt about him. Which he should have. Because there had been a few moments... times when Harry had been unaccountably shy or serious. Times when he'd smiled in a way that hinted at more than simple collegiality. Now that he thought back, there had been many hints of interest here and there, which Draco had ascribed to simple curiosity, but which could very well have been more. He shook his head, annoyed at himself. His parents hadn't taught him to be this oblivious. He wasn't all that fond of most of what they'd taught him, but he shouldn't let go of all of it; some of their teachings had been useful.

He blinked at the page swimming before his eyes, flipped the book shut, and stared blankly at the front cover for a moment. Mr Gum and the Biscuit Billionaire? Bloody hell. He was more flustered than he thought. Because of Harry.

He glanced at the books near the sofa for more appropriate reading material. Guess How Much I Love You, Bonny and the Bowtruckles, and Wicked Wizard magazine. Oops. That last wasn't supposed to be out of the bedroom. While Ben was pretty blasé about the whole "Mum and Dad are gay" thing, he did not need to know the mechanics behind it. In moving wizarding pictures, no less.

Discreetly sending the magazine to his bedroom, he picked up Eragon. That wasn't too bad. He could pick through it for misconceptions about the magical world and probably keep himself from obsessing over Harry.

Glumly he wondered what his parents would have thought of this situation. Whether they would've thought it was marvelous and encouraged him to use Harry's interest in him and Ben's friendship with Alec to worm his way back to respectability in the wizarding world, or whether they would've been horrified at the whole situation.

Father probably would've counseled using Harry and Alec. He had always used friendships to their full potential, cultivating personal ties with powerful people no matter their political beliefs, and had cautioned Draco at Hogwarts that being an enemy of Harry Potter's wasn't wise. Mother probably would've been appalled. She wasn't as adept at hiding her feelings - her distaste for Minister Fudge, her disgust towards Muggle-borns, her hatred of Potter, any of it. The idea of Draco befriending Harry would've seemed repulsive and demeaning to her. Though Draco supposed that would've been a toss-up whether that was better or worse than Draco having a half-blood child, or better or worse than the Malfoy name coming to an end with Draco doing nothing to stop it.

Who knew, though. Draco had changed in the nine months he'd spent in Azkaban. Perhaps his parents had too.

For the hundredth time, he wondered how his parents were doing. Wondered why neither one of them had ever answered the letters he'd sent them during his first year of exile. Wondered if they would ever contact him again.

The doorbell rang and Draco started, surprised to realize that it was time for Harry to pick up Alec. Ben had already run to the door, and pulled it open, inviting Harry into their home.

"Hi, I'm sorry, I'm a bit early," Harry apologized, and Draco made a dismissive gesture, feeling unaccountably self-conscious.

Kids imagine all sorts of things, he told himself firmly. Don't think about it.

Not that easy when his libido was quite definitely perking up at the sight of Harry, regardless of whether Harry was at all interested in Draco or not. Harry was smiling at Alec and giving him a hug, listening to Ben's mile-a-minute chatter and nodding, and Draco wanted nothing more than to tell the boys there were biscuits in the kitchen so he could pull Harry close and run his fingers through his hair, capture his lips, ask him if what Alec had said was true.

God, what complete and utter tripe. This was embarrassing. It was as though he'd suddenly dropped into the middle of one of those awful romance novels Parvati Patil was writing these days.

He cleared his throat, looking away as Harry looked at the art work Ben and Alec had made and complimented them on it.

"And Daddy! Daddy! Ben taught me one of his songs!" Alec said, and drew himself up to sing.

"Alec, later, all right? Right now we really need to get going."

"All right, Daddy," Alec muttered, and went to get his toys. Well-trained little boy, Draco thought. Ben would've been arguing a lot longer, and looked like he very much wanted to, but was a bit too much in awe of Harry to actually do so.

"Were they all right?" Harry asked, and Draco nodded, willing himself not to blush just because Harry was speaking to him.

"Yeah, they were fine. He's very well-behaved."

"Yeah, he is. Bit stubborn sometimes, but overall he's good," Harry said, glancing around the flat. He frowned, looking closer at one of the pictures on the wall in the front hallway.

"That's... that's Ben? And you?"

Draco nodded, smiling at the picture, which showed him holding three-day old Ben at the Muggle hospital where he'd been born. "He was so huge. Kara had to have a Caesarean; would've been easy in the wizarding world, but the Muggle doctors had a hard time."

"Were you there?"

"No, she called me from the hospital after he was born."

Harry nodded, eyes still on the photograph. "Why the... erm..."

"The beard?" Draco guessed. "I was still prevented from doing magic, and I didn't want to explain my scar to Muggles," he said, his voice casual. "I use a glamour now, but that was the simplest thing at the time." And easy to get used to as well, since he hadn't been able to shave in Azkaban either. The prison wasn't run by Dementors any more, but it was still dirty, dreary, cold, and miserable, and he hadn't minded the beard much. It kept the filth one layer away from his skin, for one thing. He suppressed a shudder, banishing all thoughts of Azkaban and his exile.

"Was it... was it hard?" Harry asked quietly. "Not being able to use magic?"

"Yes," he said shortly, and Harry drew back slightly, obviously a bit surprised at his curt tone. "Er, very nice being allowed to do it again, though," he said quickly, not wanting to piss him off. After all, it wasn't Harry's fault that the topic still rubbed raw.

"I'm ready, Daddy," Alec said quietly, grasping Harry's hand. "How are we getting home?"

"There's a Floo two streets over," Harry said. "Now say thank you for inviting me," he prompted Alec.

"Thank you for inviting me," he said, and Ben nodded.

"It was nice, right Dad?" he looked up at Draco. "Can he come back soon?"

Draco carefully avoided looking at Harry and said, "We'll talk about it later, right Ben? It's time to get ready for dinner now. Say goodbye."

***

Date: April 26
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Thanks for the Obliviating Thread. I passed it on to the student's family today.

Date: April 26
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
You're welcome. Did you hear back from the Aurors about the Beltane events happening this week?

Date: April 26
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Yes, and they said they don't need us there. They don't anticipate any trouble. They just need us there for May first.

Date: April 27
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Good. I was starting to worry. This hasn't turned out to be quite the sinecure it was supposed to be.

Date: April 27
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
I've noticed. We were only supposed to have five meetings in all.

Date: April 27
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
We're still meeting the night before, to go over the last few items?

Date: April 28
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Yeah, as far as I know.

Date: April 28
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
By the way, Alec's been asking when we're going to invite Ben over. How about Beltane Eve? You could drop him off for a few hours to play, then we could do our meeting; kill two birds with one stone.

Date: April 28
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
LOL! Good idea, I'll tell Ben. Does five thirty sound all right, and then we'll meet at eight? I've got some things to do in London.

Date: April 29
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Sounds good. I'll let Alec know.

Date: April 29
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
By the way, what's LOL?

Date: April 29
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
LOL = Laughing Out Loud. Common internet acronym. I keep forgetting you aren't terribly familiar with the Muggle world any more.

Date: April 29
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
It's been a long time. What were you laughing at?

Date: April 29
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Your Muggle version of killing two vampires with one stake.

Date: April 29
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Oh. I didn't know there was a wizarding version. By the way, I got a call from the Aurors about one of the events today. I've attached their report of what happened, nothing to worry about, but I thought you'd like to know.
I'll see you tomorrow.

***
April 30

"Ben," Harry said. "I think your dad's going to be here soon. Can you pick up your things?"

Ben gave Harry an innocent pity-me look. "Already? But I haven't finished teaching Alec the song from my choir."

"Maybe you can finish teaching him while your dad and I finish up the plans for tomorrow. Or another time." Harry bit his lip. Damn, he and Draco were supposed to be done working together as of tomorrow; they didn't need to be in contact until next Beltane.

"How are you getting home?" Alec asked.

"We're going to Floo from the downstairs of your building! It's so brilliant! But Dad says he doesn't like it because you get ash in your hair." He frowned. "I wonder if I could get him to buy a broom."

Harry smiled. "I think he might like that. He was a very good flyer in school."

There was a knock on the door. "That's probably my Da!" Ben said, raced to the door and opened it to find a rather disgruntled Draco standing there, shaking ash from his clothing.

"Whoever invented Floo travel was an idiot," Draco said, carding fingers through his hair.

"It's brilliant, Dad!" Ben protested. "'Course it's not as brilliant as a broom," he admitted. "Dad! I got to fly on a broom today!"

Draco grinned at him. "Was it fun?"

"Yeah! You've got to buy a broom, Dad! What kind of wizard doesn't have a broom?"

"One who's been living among Muggles for a very long time," Draco said dryly. "It's one of those hard to explain things."

"And I was teaching Alec the song!" Ben said, and proceeded to chatter at high speed as Draco nodded seriously. He looked at Harry, and Harry felt himself blushing.

This was awkward. There was something a bit odd about Draco, as if he was looking at Harry trying to figure something out. Same as he had been the other day when Harry had picked up Alec, and Harry couldn't figure out why. It was rather disconcerting.

And of course his overactive libido was telling him hopefully that there was mutual interest there, even as his brain popped in to let him know that there wasn't, and that even if there were, it didn't mean anything. Anything good, that is.

"Did you go flying with your dad?" Ben asked Draco.

"Yeah. He bought me my first broom and taught me how to play Quidditch."

"OH!" Ben said suddenly. "I just remembered where I put that toy Snitch!" Both boys ran out of the room.

"What?" Draco asked, and Harry realized he'd been caught mid-ogle, admiring how well Draco wore wizarding clothes and debating whether he looked better in Muggle jeans that showed off his... attributes, or in robes, which gave him a more mature look.

"Oh. Nothing," he said, slightly panicked. "I - it's just hard to think of your father doing regular father things," he blurted, then blushed harder. God no, that wasn't any better at all. I wasn't mentally undressing you, I was just thinking nasty things about your father. Augh!

To his relief, Draco didn't take offense. "No, I suppose not. He did, though."

"Yeah?"

"Well, he wasn't always going on about Voldemort and pureblood issues. He did have other pastimes."

"Like what?" Harry asked, unable to stop the question.

"Well he loved music, and art. And needlepoint... square dancing..."

Harry frowned suspiciously. "Square dancing."

"Oh yes. He studied at Salem for a few years, became very intrigued by American customs. He was quite good at it. Became a decent caller, too - and of course he also loved auctions, he was a very skilled auctioneer..."

"All right, I get it," Harry said, catching a small twitch at the edge of Draco's smile and starting to laugh.

Draco laughed. "I had you going there, though, didn't I?"

"It's not that hard to believe, after the duck thing," Harry said, and Draco chuckled.

The duck thing. He smiled. Imagining Lucius Malfoy waddling and quacking had already got him through one boring meeting with the goblins, and he didn't think the amusement value would wear off any time soon.

There was a knock on the door and Harry went to get it, surprised to see Ron and Hermione at the door.

"Oh! You're out of the hospital!" he said, and Hermione grinned.

"Can't leave for too long, but the Healers say I can be out of bed for a few hours a day now. Molly's got the baby and Jason and she pushed us out." She and Ron suddenly spotted Draco and there was a small silence.

"Oh. Erm. Hello, Malfoy," Hermione said, and gave Ron a small poke.

"Yeah, hi," he said. "Erm. Good to see you."

"Likewise," Draco said stiffly.

Ben and Alec came running into the living room and Ben stopped short. Alec stopped behind him, looking up at Ron and Hermione warily, no doubt remembering that none of the Weasleys had been impressed with his friendship with Ben.

"And who is this?" Hermione said, smiling politely at Ben.

"My son Ben," Draco said, and Ben stepped up and held out his hand.

"Ben Greely, pleased to meet ye," he said, shaking her hand, and Hermione smiled again - genuinely this time.

"I'm Hermione, and this is my husband, Ron," she said, and Ben shook Ron's hand as well.

"Are you a witch too?" he asked, and Hermione nodded. Ben grinned. "Brilliant!"

Harry smiled, amused, as Hermione and Ron exchanged looks of surprise and started answering a bombardment of questions from Ben. He probably wasn't anything like what they could possibly have expected Draco Malfoy's son to be. It would take a lot of determination not to warm up to Ben, he thought, and Hermione and Ron didn't stand a chance against his enthusiastic charm.

"Er, so, are you ready for Beltane tomorrow?" Hermione asked a few minutes later, after Draco had finally succeeded in getting Ben to leave the grown-ups alone by reminding him that he had come to Alec's house to play with Alec.

"Yeah, mostly," said Harry. "There's a few wards to set tomorrow morning, but otherwise it's good. Should go without incident."

"Without further incident," Draco corrected.

"What do you mean?" asked Hermione.

"A few of the events take place before Beltane," Harry said. "Irish dancing festivals, things like that."

"Mostly nothing we have to worry about," said Draco. "The Muggle ones are mostly cultural, so they aren't using any of the magical places the wizards are. Though there was a bit of trouble at yesterday's event."

"What kind?"

"Oh, just a witch who got angry at one of the Irish dancers and used Tarantallegra on him. The man was Obliviated and she was given a warning. She shouldn't have been there at all, but she'd got mixed up with the dates and thought she was going to observe a Wiccan festival."

Ron shook his head. "That's so strange, Muggles claiming to be witches."

"How could anybody actually believe in that rubbish?" Hermione said scornfully. "It's absolute bosh."

Draco looked away, the corner of his mouth quirked in a small smile.

"So you weren't at the events this week?" Hermione asked.

"No," said Harry. "We offered, but the Aurors said they didn't need us. We'll be there tomorrow, though."

There was a small, uncomfortable silence.

"Erm, so... so how old is Ben?" Hermione asked.

"Five."

"And his mother's a Muggle?" Draco nodded. "Where did you meet her?"

"At a Wiccan gathering."

There was a frozen silence before Hermione laughed, and then Ron and Harry joined in.

"Very funny. Where was it really?"

Draco smiled. "Town Hall. We were singing in the same choir."

Hermione and Ron nodded, at a loss as to how to ask what they were obviously dying to know, which was how Ben had come about.

"So, erm," Ron began. "Harry, we were going to ask you if you wanted to come out with us, but you're working..."

"Yeah, last minute things," Harry said apologetically.

"Sorry, we forgot. We're off to Fred's, then. Nice seeing you, Malfoy," Hermione said, and Draco nodded politely.

"Harry, I'll say hello to Fred for you," Ron said, giving Harry a meaningful look as they left.

"All right, let's see to the last minute things," Harry said after the door closed behind them.

"The Celtic music group is moving to the north grove," Draco said, "So at least that's one worry gone."

"The bonfire's going to be difficult to keep wizards out of," said Harry. "There's two of them and it's quite tempting to run through them."

"I've heard it's also tempting to go in and see whether it's true that a bonfire just feels like tickling, the way the Inquisition and Witch Hunt folks said it was."

"Damn, I can imagine," Harry said, grimacing.

"However, I did get rid of one trouble spot. The MoonShadow Wiccans will be coming in at ten, not eleven, so we don't have to worry about them and the wizard jugglers competing for space any more."

"How did you do that?"

"Had an in with their leader," Draco said smugly. "Told her I couldn't take care of Ben at eleven."

Harry blinked. "Their leader... you mean Kara?"

"Yeah, Kara. It's good to know people."

Harry stared at him. "She's Wiccan?"

"Yeah."

"You really did meet her at a Wiccan meeting, then."

"Yeah. At Town Hall."

"Really? She's into that?"

"She's into many things. She's a minority in every conceivable way; black, lesbian, pagan... she often jokes about wanting to move to London so she'll be foreign, too."

Harry smiled. "How did you end up at a Wiccan meeting?"

Draco shrugged. "It was during the first year I was here. I was mostly sightseeing in the Muggle world and I heard about this religion. It sounded bizarre enough that I went to see." He smiled slightly. "It was... interesting."

"I suppose it would be," Harry said.

"Harry," Ben said, racing into the room, "you'll be at Beltane tomorrow, right? You and Alec both?"

"Yeah."

"Are you staying for the bonfires?"

"Probably."

Ben grinned. "Me too. We go every year. Even before I was born, me Mam says."

"Really?"

"And I was born because of Beltane, too!" Ben said. He raced out the door, yelling, "Alec! You're going tomorrow too!"

Harry looked at Draco questioningly. Draco looked both disconcerted and amused.

"What did he mean?"

"Ah." Draco looked at Harry as though trying to figure out how to word what he was about to say. He cleared his throat. "It means that's how he was conceived."

"What?"

"The experiment with the unintended side effect. Kara was the May Queen, and the Horned King/Green Man got sick at the last minute. Kara asked me to substitute."

Harry's eyes widened. "And you did?" Draco nodded. "You mean... you had sex... in public?"

"Well, yes," Draco said, looking like he was trying not to laugh.

"Did you actually... were you a Wiccan?"

Draco looked away. "No, not really. It was interesting stuff, but not terribly logical. I did get to have sex though, that was nice."

"Erm. With a woman?"

"It's a bit harder to conceive with a man," Draco pointed out. "Sex is sex. I don't swing that far off that I can't do it with a woman at all."

"Erm." Harry became aware that he was blinking rather more than normal.

"You all right?" Draco asked, more amused by the second.

"Just a bit of a shock, that's all."

"You're telling me." He laughed, openly now. "You should see your face."

"Right. I just... it's, erm," Harry blinked, steadfastly refusing to allow any images of Wiccan ceremonies to form in his head. "Wasn't there anybody else?"

"To be honest, I never really quite understood that part. She said something about how since we were both gay it was symbolic of still respecting the gods of fertility or something, I really couldn't follow it at all. The original Green Man was also gay and it was a big deal, apparently." He shrugged. "Whatever."

"You weren't nervous?"

Draco sobered abruptly and looked away. "I was," he finally admitted. "But not that much. Getting up the courage to speak to Muggles at all took months. Having sex in public? Dead easy, once I'd done that."

"Was it really that difficult?"

Draco regarded him seriously, obviously trying not to snap at him. "Think about it for a moment. You're locked up for nine months, and when you're let out it's only on condition that you not perform any magic at all, because if you do you'll be locked up for the rest of your life. You can't risk being around anyone in the wizarding world because you know you'd probably perform some simple charm accidentally, but you've been raised thinking that Muggles are subhuman evil vermin." He scowled at Harry. "I know you're the Boy Who Lived, the great hero of the wizarding world. Everyone knows you're brave. But try to convince me that you wouldn't be terrified to make the first move."

Harry bit his lip. Yeah, not that difficult to believe after all. "I guess... I guess I hadn't really thought about that."

"It shows."

They was a strained silence.

"Right." Harry cleared his throat. "Erm. Let's go over our notes. I think we were going to talk about the Mummers again?"

***

"Daddy, d'you fancy Draco?" Alec asked later that night, after Draco and Ben had left.

Harry choked on his tea and started to cough. "What?!"

Alec frowned. "That's funny. Draco did the same thing when I asked him."

"Did what?" Harry coughed out.

"Choked on his tea."

"When you asked him what?"

"I said I thought you fancied him. Ben thinks he fancies you. Did you know he doesn't have any uncles?"

"You said what?" Alec blinked, startled. Harry closed his eyes and counted to ten. "You said what?" he repeated a little more calmly, once he could trust his voice again.

"I asked him if he was going to marry you. Because you're both not married. Do you like each other?"

Harry blinked.

"I think it would be nice if you got married. Grandmum said Mummy would've wanted you to get married again. And if you did then Ben could live here, or maybe we could live where they live, and there would be music all the time and-"

"Alec, wait!" Harry broke in. "It's not... look, it's complicated. It wouldn't work."

"Because of Uncle Fred?"

"It's not just Uncle Fred, little man. A lot of people think the way he does."

"But you said Draco's changed," Alec said, frowning.

Harry stared at his son. This was so ridiculously simple, yet so difficult, to express in words. He took a deep breath. "You're going to have to trust me on this. It's complicated, and it wouldn't work. I'm sorry."

He swallowed hard as Alec turned away, drawing in on himself, a look of profound disappointment on his small face. Damn, that always got to him. He reached out to pull Alec close. "I'm sorry, little man. It would... you're right, in a lot of ways it would be nice, but it really wouldn't work out. Trust me on this, okay?"

Alec stayed stiff in his arms. "D'you fancy him?" he asked.

Harry sighed. "Yeah."

"Ben said he fancies you too."

Harry closed his eyes. Yes, now that he was honest with himself, there had been signs of that from Draco, and Ben just might be right, and Harry was stupid to have convinced himself the signs weren't there. But it didn't mean anything. Even though what he wanted most to say was "What did Draco say when Ben said that?"

"Alec. We can't. It would be too risky, and we've both got responsibilities. Real responsibilities, to real people."

"You're being silly," Alec said, and sounded so much like Hermione that Harry had to stifle a smile. "You're really being silly."

"Silly or not, it's time for you to get ready for bed," Harry said, and ran a hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, little man."

***

"Dad."

"Yes?" Draco asked, absorbed in marking an assignment. No, idiot, that's a minor key, he wrote. And you're a hopelessly minor musician, so you should get along with it just fine.

"Why didn't you tell me about being a half-blood?"

Draco looked up. "What?"

"Alec said some wizards don't like half-bloods. Is that true?"

"Some wizards. Not many."

"Are you a pureblood?"

Draco nodded.

"Was your whole family purebloods?"

"Mostly, yeah."

"Did they hate half-bloods?"

Draco sighed. Oh, he was not ready for this conversation. Not now, and probably not ever. He considered lying, but couldn't quite gather up the guts to do so. "Ben... it's not... it's not quite the same as your grandfather not liking me for being white and you for being half-white. And it's nothing at all like being black in Dublin. Most wizards are half-bloods and Muggle-borns. It's not like you'd be the only one."

"Did your Mam or Da hate half-bloods?" Draco lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes. "Is that why you never talk about them?"

"There's a lot of reasons for that," Draco said, and met Ben's grey-hazel eyes, so much like his own. The only thing about his son that was. "That is one of the reasons, though," he admitted reluctantly.

"When did they die?"

Draco frowned. "I never told you they died."

"You never see them and you never talk about them. I thought they died."

"No."

"Then where are they?"

Draco swallowed. "Ben..."

"Why don't you ever see them?"

"My parents and I... it's complicated. They... they believed some things I didn't agree with."

Ben frowned. "Do they know you're gay?"

"Oh. Yes, I suppose they do. It never came up."

"Do they think that's bad too, like Granddad does?"

"No, probably not. That's different in the wizarding world. Most people don't care about that."

"Then how come you live here, when you're a wizard?"

Draco stood up. "Ben, we'll talk about my parents another time. There's a lot you're just too young to understand, and I'll try to explain when you're older. Right now we need to get you ready for bed." He put down his marking, setting a small spell on the last assignment to remind himself to go through and take out the many rude comments he'd made throughout.

"Will there really be other wizards at Beltane tomorrow?"

"Yeah. You won't be able to talk to them, though. Not this year."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm supposed to be keeping the wizards and Muggles apart."

"But why?"

"Same reason you're not allowed to talk to your mum about the wizarding world."

"I think she'd like it if I could. 'Specially with her being Wiccan and all."

"Yeah, probably, but we really can't. It's for everyone's protection."

"Why?"

"Muggles are afraid of us."

"So... Muggles are afraid of wizards," Ben said slowly, "and wizards don't want half-bloods."

Draco pressed his lips together, annoyed at himself for basically telling his five-year-old that he was likely to be simultaneously rejected by two different groups of people. How comforting. "I've told you, not all wizards think that way. Not even most of them."

"Alec doesn't. He's brilliant, isn't he?"

"Yeah. Come on, brush your teeth."

"Can you do it? I really like that spell."

Draco smiled. "All right," he said, and waved his wand. Ben squealed.

"Can you tell me the story about the nasty hippogriff and the really dumb giant?"

Draco blinked. Ah, yet another reason he and Harry could never go anywhere. He winced as he pictured Harry's face if he overheard Ben telling Alec about Hagrid and his vicious giant chicken.

"No, I'll read to you instead," he said, selecting one of the magical children's books on Ben's shelf and settling down to read to him. One of his first purchases after regaining permission to use magic, when Ben was a year old. He still remembered the terrifying thrill of going into Diagon Alley for the first time since the war, as well as the humiliation of having to ask for permission to do so. Having to explain about his son to a condescending witch at Magical Law Enforcement's Parole department, and being turned down on his request to use a glamour to hide who he was.

He finished reading Nonny and the Norwegian Ridgeback, kissed his son's forehead and left the room, going back out to finish his marking.

Your interpretation of this sonnet is brilliant. Unfortunately, you appear to have confused your musical theory class with English literature.

It is inspiring to see how much you have managed to write without actually saying a single thing.

They were all right, he and Ben, he found himself thinking, unable to concentrate on his work. Ben was happy enough without contact with the wizarding world. Tomorrow he'd see some wizards and witches and hopefully he'd be happy with that, and then over the next year maybe Draco could start dropping by the wizarding areas in Dublin, get to know some of the people there one-on-one, then bring Ben to see them.

If only the Ministry had allowed him to emigrate off the Isles. The Continent was too close, but he could have introduced Ben to the wizarding world in North America or Australia without fear that his son would be judged by association with a former Azkaban inmate. As it was, the best he could hope for was that Ireland's wizarding community would be more forgiving than England's, and that when - if - it came time for Ben to go to Hogwarts, there would be less chance of one of his classmates knowing who his father was.

I despair of the future of Muggle Irish music.

What your paper lacks in originality, it makes up for in ignorance.

He stood, giving up on marking for the night, and looked in on Ben, who was sleeping peacefully. Draco sat on the bed beside him, thinking.

He wanted, so badly, to go back. To be back among his own kind, no matter the consequences. He'd probably be shunned, he'd be a pariah, but he would at least be home.

And he wanted, so badly, to pursue whatever this was between himself and Harry. To touch him, feel the magic humming under his skin instead of the blankness he felt with Muggles. Wanted to run hands through his hair, touch their lips together, pull him close, bring him off, hear him moan... and damn it, he was getting hard again. It seemed like he spent half his life hard and frustrated these days. He considered going to his room to deal with it the way he had been doing more and more often lately, but knew it wouldn't really help. He'd just end up tired and feeling let down again.

Instead, he stayed where he was, gazing at Ben, the reason he couldn't let this follow its course.

It was too risky. If it weren't for Ben, he'd go for it, on the assumption that even if things didn't work out romantically in the end, the status boost of being seen with the Boy Who Lived would be a definite plus. But he had Ben to think of. And Ben didn't need to have his father getting publicity again, being talked about in the papers.

He sighed, taking Ben's hand in his own, pushing his hair off his forehead. When had he become someone who would avoid what he wanted and not take risks he wanted very much to take, because of another person? Especially a half-blood? His ancestors on both the Malfoy and Black sides were probably spinning so fast in their graves you could measure the vibrations.

"Why don't you ever see them?" Ben had asked. "How come you live here, when you're a wizard?"

How could he come close to explaining any of that to his son? He pictured Ben's face if he told him about the war, about Azkaban, pictured his hazel eyes going round with shock, his respect for his father diminished.

And where could he begin? What could he tell Ben about that part of his past?

There'd been no Dementors in Azkaban, no torture, no starvation. But Azkaban was cold, dark, dank and dirty, everything in it harsh and ugly. The food was barely edible, sparse, and always tepid and tasteless. His cell was bare and empty of everything but himself. No wands, no books, no paper; nothing.

Nothing to do except sit, day after day after day, alone in a tiny cell for all but one hour, his only diversion the voices of the other inmates housed in his block. The only time he saw human faces was during the noon meal when they were allowed to congregate in the courtyard. Nothing to do but wait for each long day to end and cycle through every emotion from resentment to hunger to anger to regret to hatred to fear to exhaustion to despair to boredom. Always, always boredom.

He'd only ever talked to Mother and Father at lunch, because the prisoners under life sentence were not housed in his block. Father had been thin, unshaven and vacant-eyed when he and Mother got there, having already served more than three years. Mother's fine robes had been exchanged for inmate's garb that was old and threadbare before she'd ever put it on. He'd watched Mother's luxurious hair go stringy and dull and lifeless, her eyes become empty as she aged before his eyes, and he'd been glad there was no mirror to show him what he looked like. He wasn't sure it was a good thing that he'd only seen himself, dirty, bearded, thin and broken, at the end of his sentence, when he was too tired and defeated to care about his appearance any more.

Maybe he'd deserved Azkaban, though at the time he'd been full of contempt for the people who'd put him away for the crime of having been on the losing side of the war. Full of hatred at the hypocrites who put his mother away, because Mother hadn't done anything to deserve her sentence, other than be wife and mother to two Death Eaters and refuse to renounce her beliefs. And maybe he'd deserved exile as well, though at the time he'd seen it as just another way for the ones who'd won the war to step on those who'd lost. But he didn't know how he felt about any of it any more.

How could he explain any of that to Ben? How could he explain why Mother and Father were still in there, and why they had never written back to him, when he couldn't explain it himself? How could he explain it so that Ben wouldn't lose all respect for him, but would understand why it wasn't a good idea to be too open with the identity of his father in the wizarding world? And should he tell Ben, or hide from him, the fact that the reason he wasn't going to pursue anything with Harry was that he couldn't, for Ben's sake?

If only he could go to somebody for advice. A friend or a relative. Somebody who would understand, someone he could trust.

His eyes fell on a small goddess figurine on Ben's bookshelf, that Kara had given to Ben, and he thought for a while, debating within himself. It had been a long time, but...

He picked it up almost reluctantly, weighing it in his hand, running fingers over its smooth surface.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing here, he told her, feeling hesitant and somewhat foolish as always when he dabbled in this, and he almost started to put the figurine back on her shelf. He didn't normally do this much any more. He didn't need it, not like he had when he'd first come here. Religion is for the weak, Father had always said, but it was the only thing that had kept him relatively sane in those first months after leaving Azkaban, when he'd been so alone and confused that he was willing to talk to anything that might listen, willing to give gods and spirits the benefit of the doubt and get what comfort he could from them.

He touched the figurine again, stilled his thoughts. I'm doing the right thing here, right? he asked tentatively. Taking Ben to the Hill tomorrow, without telling him about my past? I suppose it's kind of too late to back out of that one.

He gazed at Ben, who mumbled and rolled over in his sleep, and his thoughts refused to lie still. Dimly he remembered Kara saying that a proper attitude during prayer was restful meditation, and that one reached not for some outward deity but towards one's own divinity or something incomprehensible like that, but restful meditation seemed about as far away as the moon right now.

Help me. I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

I don't even know if I'm doing the right thing by not pursuing Harry. I know we're supposed to honour love and physical attraction, and treat our body's wishes with respect. But I have a child to think of. I'm not trying to reject a gift of the goddess, I'm just trying to do what's right. Am I?

I wish I believed you could send me a sign.

Oh why am I even talking to you? I don't even know if I believe in you. He sighed and gently put Ben's figurine back on the shelf before leaning down to give him a kiss and heading for his own bed.