Ember to Ember

Date: May 8
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Alec would like to invite Ben over this weekend.
By the way I sent in our report to the Ministry. They were impressed, and want to know if we'd like to volunteer next year too.

Date: May 8
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
This weekend sounds good. Saturday afternoon?
Do they want a firm answer re. volunteering? It's not until next year.

Date: May 9
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Saturday afternoon is good. No, they don't need a firm answer. I think they're just curious.

Date: May 14
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Ben left his Pokemon cards here on Saturday. Should I send them by Owl?
Did you get the Liaison Office survey?

Date: May 14
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
I'd rather not use Owl post; confuses the Muggles. Ben would probably prefer it if Alec brought the cards over himself. We've got a concert Saturday; would Sunday work?
I got the survey. Do they put Cheering Charms on the parchment?

Date: May 15
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Sunday's good. The survey was remarkably peppy, wasn't it?

Date: May 16
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
I can't be sure but I think it chirped at me.

Date: May 21
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Alec told me he invited Ben over next weekend, but unfortunately he'll be at the Burrow overnight Saturday for a birthday party. This is probably why four-year-olds are hardly ever hired as social conveners.

Date: May 23
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Birthday girl has dragonpox. Party postponed.

Date: May 23
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Dragonpox? That's rather dangerous if you don't catch it right away. Ben's in Limerick with Kara. Next weekend, Friday?

Date: June 3
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Next weekend is a bust, I'm buried in work.

Date: June 4
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
I've got three extra rehearsals then anyway. And Kara's away too.
Buried in work?

Date: June 5
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Security troll hexed with a nasal congestion curse. Don't ask. Next weekend, the 15th?

Date: June 10
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Sorry, playdate's off. Ben's with Kara this weekend.

Date: June 11
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Just as well; Alec's finally going to the sleepover.

Date: June 12
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Too bad. Maybe next weekend. Hope Alec enjoys himself.

oooOOOooo

June 15

Harry swore volubly in Gobbledegook as his quill blotted ink across yet another parchment. He bit his lip, then remembered there was no reason not to swear if he wanted to. No curious little ears would hear him; no curious little voice would ask, "What's that mean, Daddy?"

He rubbed his forehead distractedly, wondering for the fiftieth time this week why the hell he was still working with goblins. Most of the time the job was interesting and challenging, and he very much enjoyed doing work that used his brain after a childhood spent mostly relying on his guts and instinct. But some weeks, like this one...

It had been Minor Disaster Month at the London branch of Gringott's. The nasal-cursed troll had been the least of their worries, and Merlin the meetings they'd suffered through. Mostly held by a goblin pair who were like an unholy cross between Binns at his most pedantic and Snape at his most sarcastic. Sninns and Bape, he and Bill called them under their breaths. Harry had taken great comfort reminding himself time and again that he and Alec did not, strictly speaking, need the income he earned from Gringott's.

Happily, the fires seemed to have finally died down, and he was almost done catching up on the week's regular work. All he had to do was figure out a simple curse to set on this stupid goblet - always goblets, because of course why wouldn't one want to turn drinking implements into lethal objects - but he was having a bit of a time trying to concentrate.

And why would that be? He glanced at the clock. Almost time for Draco to show up. He looked back at the goblet, said the incantation under his breath to practice it, and promptly dropped the goblet as it started to shriek. Damn, it was supposed to glow, not scream. More Gobbledegook swearing, followed by Silencio.

He glanced back at the clock. All right. Best put the goblet away before he accidentally melted it. He was in no shape for rational thinking.

He was slowly going insane, was the problem, with the glacial pace he and Draco were taking in this odd relationship they'd embarked upon. It had been a wonderful but incredibly frustrating few weeks, because they couldn't go out anywhere, and their kids were always underfoot, frequently interrupting them with their curious questions and little-boy-crises and occasional spats. Including actual fights, which neither Harry nor Draco had much experience dealing with, what with both having been only children. Well... Harry had been raised with a pseudo-sibling, but all his sibling rivalry with Dudley had involved Dudley beating the shit out of him with his parents' enthusiastic support. Harry didn't particularly want to duplicate that kind of dynamic in his own son's life.

So it had been a slow burn of frustrated decorum and embraces that never went far enough to satisfy Harry. The farthest they'd gone was some heavy petting and a couple of very quick hand jobs. And one memorable occasion when Ben was at Kara's and Alec was asleep, and Draco had gone down on Harry and had reduced him to a quivering wreck with his skill and enthusiasm and apparent absence of any gag reflex.

"That was..." Harry had panted as he finished shuddering, hanging on to the kitchen counter for dear life, Draco still on his knees, looking up at him with a very satisfied expression on his face. "Oh, God, that was... that was-"

"Daddy!"

Harry had almost literally jumped out of his skin at the wail from down the hall, and contemplated for the first time Stupefying his son. Instead he'd hastily buttoned up his trousers and hurried to Alec's bedroom to deal with a nightmare. By the time he'd come back to the kitchen, Draco was sitting at the table with a fresh pot of tea and a rueful smile on his face.

"Just be grateful he wasn't sleepwalking," he'd said, and snickered at Harry's shudder.

And it wasn't just the lack of opportunity to get physical; the constant need for discretion with the outside world was wearying as well. The near code-like nature of their e-mails, maintaining a façade of casual acquaintanceship for the sake of their children's friendship, was getting tiresome.

Harry put the goblet away and wiped his hands on his trousers. Alec was at the Burrow tonight, Ben was with Kara, and he and Draco were going to be here all alone, and then... who knew what would happen?

He glanced at a picture of Ginny on the wall, wondering what she would have thought of him moving on like this. She would've wanted him to find love and companionship, he knew, for himself and for their child, not stayed numb and alone for the rest of his life. That's what he would've wanted her to do, had he died instead. But would he have cared if she'd found that with someone he'd hated? Somebody like Draco?

All right, not Draco, who had almost no interest in the female gender. Someone else. Someone who couldn't even fill in the role of the parental gender Alec was supposedly missing.

Pansy Parkinson?

He shuddered. Ugh. Pug-nose Parkinson, near his child. Sleeping with his wife. Many men found the thought of their wife with another woman intriguing, but the image of Ginny snogging Parkinson was rather... augh. He sent a heartfelt apology to Ginny's memory for coming up with that mental image.

The clock had never moved so slowly, and Draco's penchant for lateness had never been so irritating. And the worst part was that he wasn't that late after all, it was only five past - and there was the doorbell.

He hurried to the door, and there was Draco, shaking soot from his hair and blowing ash from his glasses with a faint expression of distaste. Harry chuckled and took them from him, murmured "Verriclari" and handed them back to Draco sparkling clean, not a trace of ash.

"Haven't heard that one," Draco said, putting them back on and blinking at the sudden clarity of the front hall.

"Really? Dead useful spell. Hermione taught it to me."

"I'll have to remember it," Draco said, shaking the last bit of ash from his cloak.

"Weren't you given a list of glasses-spells when you got them?"

"I got them six years ago," Draco said, hanging up his cloak. "From a Muggle optometrist. Never learned any of the spells."

Harry nodded, glad he was slowly getting used to not blushing or feeling uncomfortable every time Draco's exile came up. "Can't you get your eyes fixed?" he asked, leading them into the living room.

"Nobody in the wizarding world I'd really trust pointing a wand at my eyes. Besides, I don't mind the glasses."

"I like the look on you," Harry said, smiling.

"Me too," Draco said wryly as they sat down, and Harry nodded. He could certainly see why - they changed his appearance quite markedly, made him look a bit less conspicuous among wizards, and his parole officer couldn't exactly object.

"So Alec's with the Weasleys then?" Draco asked.

"Yeah, for his cousin's birthday. Along with nine other cousins. The only one not attending is Ron and Hermione's youngest."

"He's still at the hospital?"

Harry smiled. "Joshua? No, actually. He was three months premature, but the hospital finally cleared him, so he's been back home for the last three days. Still needs a lot of care, though."

"All babies do."

"Yeah. If Joshua's anything like Alec at that age..." Harry shook his head. "I don't envy them the sleepless nights."

Draco grimaced. "Nor do I. That was a bit of a nasty shock, the first few times I had Ben overnight."

"Yeah, it's not easy. And I had house elves and all of the Weasleys helping me with Alec; I don't know how Muggles manage it."

"I do. For the first few months, I couldn't do magic at all. Had to walk up and down the hallway with him at all hours of the night, not stop my ears, not cast a muffling charm on him..."

Harry smiled a bit at the image. "They wouldn't let you do magic even for that?"

"No," Draco said shortly.

"Did you ask?"

"I wasn't going to, but after three weeks of colic, I did. They said no."

"Why?"

Draco shrugged. "I did the crime, I did the time."

Harry looked away. "Sorry," he said quietly, and changed the subject. "So, erm, Ben's with Kara tonight?"

"Yeah, all week. With Kara and her newest lifelong love. This one's a professional ventriloquist. Calls herself a Neo-Comminist and dabbles in particle physics, Scientolophy, and macramé."

"What?"

"Don't ask me, I've no idea what any of that means, except for the macramé. And somehow I don't think Muggles use knotted unicorn hair like my mother used to."

Harry chuckled, but his nervous anticipation was quickly becoming tinged with frustration. He had to confess he hadn't really thought of what to do with Draco when he got here - far too busy imagining them naked to plan out how they would get to that blissful cloth-free state - but this casual small talk, sitting close but not too close on the couch, was starting to get annoying. And he had no idea how they might get past it and go on to what he'd been thinking about non-stop for the last several days. It wasn't like they were women who needed time to get romantic...

Honestly, he'd expected Draco to be a tad more predatory.

All right, then. He'd have to take the lead. He shifted a bit closer and Draco's eyes widened slightly, and Harry could swear he could see Draco's pupils dilating. Oh yes. To hell with small talk.

"I've been." Harry swallowed and pushed on. "I was going to ask you if wanted tea. Or Firewhisky or a treacle tart, or something. But I don't particularly want to get you any of that, not right now." He marveled that somehow his voice didn't sound desperate and shaking from need, but low and almost seductive. Draco's pupils had dilated till his eyes looked almost black, and he licked his lips nervously, swallowing hard as Harry touched his arm and shifted closer.

"No? What would you rather do?"

Harry grinned in answer and got a mouthful of Draco as a reply.

Bloody hell, was that all it took? Harry's felt a moment's annoyance at himself but couldn't hold on to it as they moved with lightning speed from hesitation and nervousness to heated snogging. Fleetingly he considered that it might be nice if tonight featured slow, romantic seduction, but suspected it would be a bit of a crashing failure if they tried. He wanted this too much, had been thinking about it and wanting it for too long.

They were finally together, with no thought of their boys, or their families, or their pasts, or anything other than want and need that went so deep Harry sometimes thought he'd scream.

They pressed together on the couch, no time for anything soft or nervous. The time for that was long past. This was heated and frantic, and Harry gasped as Draco's lips worked their way up his neck. Draco pushed him onto his back so he ended up half-reclining against the corner of the couch, his legs slightly parted so that they could thrust against each other, the way he'd been longing to do for so bloody long it was pitiful. Thank God for the senior Weasleys.

Draco was opening Harry's trousers, reaching in, and he was doing the same to Draco, going from knife-edge desire and nerves to exhilaration in seconds. From arousal to near-climax in seconds. Draco was nibbling on his earlobe, and that felt so bloody amazing. He grasped Draco harder, felt him jolt and cry out, pushing into Harry's hand and resting his head on Harry's shoulder, lower lip between his teeth, eyes closed, brow furrowed in concentration. He pushed up into Harry's fist again, losing the rhythm, becoming nothing but urgent need and God, he was so fucking hot like this. Harry groaned as Draco pressed their bodies together, gripping him hard, melting him from the inside out.

Yes, yes, yes, his mind was chanting, and it was just sensory overload, the thrusting and the gasps and heat and Draco's low-key cologne and the clean smell of his hair and sweat and-

They cried out, reaching climax at almost the same time. He panted into Draco's neck, his heart racing, shaking in the aftermath. He had a vivid memory of the first time they'd done anything together, Beltane night almost two months ago, when he'd wanted nothing more than to thrust against Draco. And now he'd finally done it and it'd been a hell of a lot better than he'd imagined it could be. There was definitely something to be said for privacy with no fear of interruptions.

Draco's arms had gone around him and he was holding Harry close, breathing in the scent of his hair, mouth ghosting over his neck, then slowly drawing back, a suddenly shy expression on his face.

Harry dropped his own eyes. Those last kisses had felt so... intimate. He shook his head. How could a mere feathery touch of Draco's lips feel so much more intimate than what they'd just done?

Draco slowly sat up, and Harry murmured a cleaning spell on them both. Draco smiled as they buttoned up again. "Well. That was... direct," he said, and Harry grinned back at him.

"After how many weeks, finally having a flat to ourselves? Sorry, I'm not that patient."

"No, thank Merlin," Draco laughed, and stretched languidly, grinning at Harry.

Harry stretched as well, nerves singing with afterglow, and cleared his throat. "I'll, erm, get you that tea or Firewhisky or treacle tart now, if you want it," he said. Draco laughed again, running a hand over his hair and drawing Harry in for another, much slower, kiss, then stood up and pulled Harry up with him.

"Firewhisky sounds good," he said, and they headed for the kitchen.

"So Alec's with your parents-in-law for the whole night?" Draco asked.

"Yeah. Alec and nine cousins, including the birthday girl. They do this about once a month, for almost every single grandchild's birthday."

"That's generous of them."

"They love it," said Harry, pouring them each a glass and leading them back out to the living room. "They're very hands-on grandparents. Alec spends a lot of time with them."

"Must be nice."

"It is, yeah."

They sat down, close but not touching, and Harry felt the distance between them rather uncomfortably, not sure what to do about it. Wasn't it just minutes ago that they were groping each other on this same couch? He cleared his throat. "Does Ben spend any time with his grandparents?"

"I assume you mean Kara's parents," Draco said dryly. "No. Pretty much just Christmas and birthdays. Kara's got a sister too, though they're not terribly close. Her family - well, her father, really - doesn't approve of Ben. Or me."

"Why not?"

"He's got some issues with Kara's sexuality - and mine - and her religion, and whites in general. Not the friendliest bloke on the planet. He's all right with Ben, but not terribly affectionate. Kara doesn't bother visiting much."

"Have you met him?"

"Yeah, when Ben was born. I was at the hospital for a visit and in he came. Had a rod up his arse roughly the size of Cornwall. Really lovely chap."

"That's too bad." There was a pause as they both sipped their Firewhisky. Finally, Harry asked hesitantly, "What do your parents think of Ben?"

Draco's eyebrows went up. "My parents? They don't know about him."

Harry blinked. "What do you mean, they don't know about him? You are allowed to write to them, aren't you?"

"Yeah."

"Why wouldn't you tell them?"

Draco pressed his lips together. "Look, my parents are not a good topic," he said tersely, moving away from Harry slightly.

"I'm sorry," Harry said immediately, kicking himself for prying.

Draco sighed, lifted his glasses, and rubbed the bridge of his nose before taking a deep breath. "I... have no contact with my parents," he said quietly. "I've permission to write to them, and although they're not allowed anything in their cells most of the time, they are allowed to answer letters. I wrote them three letters after I was released; they never answered any of them, I don't know why, so I stopped writing. Ben came along a few years after the last letter I wrote."

Harry nodded. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," Draco said. "Besides, I very much doubt they'd approve of Ben. In the old days, my father might have seen him as an asset - you know, showing we Malfoys aren't prejudiced against half-bloods, passing around pictures of him, then bundling him off somewhere as soon as he'd rehabilitated the family enough that I could marry and get a proper pureblood heir." He paused. "As the Malfoy family is effectively dead now, I doubt he'd see Ben as anything more than another symbol of how far we fell. So my son doesn't really have grandparents. Which is good, because in all likelihood the one thing they'd all be able to agree on is that they're ashamed of him." Draco shrugged. "C'est la vie."

Harry nodded. "He's got you and Kara, though. You both love him. That's all a child really needs. The rest is nice, but not necessary."

"You think so?"

"That's all I would've wanted at that age," Harry said bitterly, and Draco cocked his head to the side curiously. "Never mind, grim story. I just know kids need at least one person who cares about them, whether they're parents or grandparents or even godparents. That's one thing I swore, after Ginny died. I couldn't give Alec a mum, but he's got me and he's got family, lots of it. Plenty of people who love him, so he won't grow up feeling he missed something important."

"Ben's just got me and Kara. And Kara's friends - a lot of them. As well as a never-ending string of Kara's 'serious' girlfriends. And she has the nerve to tell me to find someone to settle down with."

There was a brief silence as the words "settle down with" floated uncomfortably between them, and Harry could almost sense Draco's discomfort at having said them.

"Has Ben ever asked about your parents?" Harry asked, tactfully changing the subject.

"He thought they were dead, actually. I found out right before Beltane. He said he just figured they were dead, since I never talk about them." Draco shrugged. "That probably says a lot right there."

"What did you tell him?"

"I told him I'd have to talk to him about them when he was a little older," Draco said quietly, looking away.

Harry drew a bit closer, hesitantly putting a hand on Draco's shoulder. He meant it as mere comfort, and was startled at the thrill that ran through him at the touch, and at the answering gleam in Draco's eyes. Bit of a shock, that, so soon after coming, but he wasn't about to complain. Draco put down his drink and drew nearer. They leaned into a kiss, and Harry semi-blindly put his own drink down. As they quickly became engrossed in one another again Harry stood, pulling Draco with him to his bedroom, grinning at the surprised, pleased expression on Draco's face. Fired up by the way Draco kissed him passionately as they stumbled to the bedroom and almost fell onto the bed together.

Draco drew back a bit, slowed down his caresses, obviously trying to go slow and gentle, probably out of consideration for Harry's lack of experience or the fact that he hadn't been with anybody since his wife died...

Harry didn't want gentle. He didn't want tender and slow and sweet, not this time; this time he wanted force and power and fucking, wanted to forget he was a tragic too-young widower who needed compassion and tenderness, and just take this wherever it led them, quickly, before he burned up.

"I don't want slow," he said urgently, starting to unbutton Draco's shirt. "I want you now."

"But-"

"I don't care if you hurt me."

"I-I've not-"

"You have done this before, right?" Harry asked, impatiently. "Get on with it, then."

Draco was staring at him, somewhat nonplussed, and Harry decided he didn't much care for that look. He pulled him in for an embrace, kissing him hard, needing Draco to feel his desire, his urgency. He pushed Draco back against the bed, latching on to his mouth and covering him, and noted with satisfaction Draco's surprised hiss and the distinct hardness through his trousers.

"But-"

"D'you want to or not?" Harry asked.

Draco laughed. "Do you really have to ask?"

"I've been thinking about this all day," Harry said breathlessly, undoing his own shirt buttons. "I-I couldn't concentrate at work, the bloody goblins were making me mental..."

"Been a long day for me too," Draco admitted, getting into it, finally, reaching down to Harry's belt a split second after Harry reached Draco's, tugging it open, undoing their zips, and Harry gasped as they grasped each other firmly. Draco shrugged out of his shirt and Harry pulled him closer, reveling in the thrill of caressing so much bare skin, and finding that keeping his eyes away from Draco's Dark Mark wasn't nearly as difficult as he'd feared it would be.

"We've got all night, I know," Harry said. "But I don't want to wait all night. It's been so fucking long..."

Draco nodded hurriedly as they finished stripping and pressed against each other. Harry moaned as they finally touched fully naked, limbs entwining and mouths coming together hungrily.

This was something dreams couldn't do, simulate this intense heat between two people, and Harry groaned as they thrust against each other. He brought a hand between them, touching Draco and feeling him gasp.

"Wait, wait," Harry said breathlessly, drawing back. "No, it feels amazing, but it'll be over in a second if you keep doing that and I want-" he stopped for breath. No, no time for dignity. Draco knew he'd been deprived for a while. "I just want you inside me. Now."

"Are you sure?" Draco asked, his chest heaving. "I don't want to hurt you-"

"You won't, and even if you do I don't care," Harry said impatiently, handing Draco the lube.

Draco caught his breath, nodded, and pushed Harry back onto the bed. Harry gasped as Draco started slicking the lube onto him.

"Are you all right-"

"Don't stop," Harry said quickly. "Don't worry, I've done it to myself loads of times, it's just that-" I've never had anybody else do it, he thought, but didn't say, because just then Draco found that spot inside him, and it was a miracle he didn't come instantly. He groaned helplessly as Draco kept stroking, and lights went off behind his closed eyelids. He reached down hastily. "Stop, I'm too close."

Draco moved up next to him, taking him into his arms. "How d'you want to do this?"

Harry opened his eyes, having a bit of difficulty meeting Draco's heated gaze. "I don't know..." he admitted, feeling unaccountably shy, considering what Draco had just been doing to him.

"On your side is probably a good idea - I mean, since you haven't-"

"Right." Harry turned onto his side and took a deep breath as Draco moved into place behind him. Draco made a questioning sound and Harry nodded, wordlessly giving him permission to proceed and barely suppressing a yelp as Draco slowly started to push into him.

Fuck, that hurt. He bit his lip, nodding tightly as Draco made a questioning sound, breathing deeply and forcing himself to relax, pushing back onto Draco until they were spooned together.

Fuck that hurt. He breathed shallowly, trying to reach past the pain. Draco was going as slowly as Harry would allow him to go, but Harry wanted everything, and he wanted it now, and he couldn't wait for his body to catch up.

"Are you all right?" Draco asked, his voice trembling slightly.

"Yeah," Harry gasped.

"Hurt?"

"Burns a bit," he bit out. "Doesn't matter."

"Harry-"

"Doesn't matter," he repeated firmly, eyes still closed and not wanting to speak more than strictly necessary. "Move, please."

Draco moved. Harry caught his breath as the pain flared more strongly, his whole body on fire, and it didn't matter, because he wanted to not be able to feel anything but this. If it hurt, that was perfectly fine. He'd take pain over numbness any day.

Draco was breathing heavily and shaking, and Harry squeezed his hand. "Let go. Don't worry about me."

"I-I don't want it to be over too soon-"

"Shh," Harry said, amused that he was soothing Draco despite the fact that it was Draco who was making him feel like he was being split apart. "Let go. I want to feel you. I want you to come."

And then Draco was moving more quickly, and the burn was accompanied by sparks of pleasure as Draco hit that magical spot inside him again and Harry took himself in hand, hardening fully again. Moving with Draco as Draco sped up and gasped behind him. And it felt brilliant, but he quickly became irate at the awkwardness of the position.

"No, I can't control this if-" Draco started to say as Harry maneuvered them so that he was on his stomach with Draco on top of him.

"I don't want you to control it," Harry said shortly, smiling as Draco shivered and thrust again.

"Oh, Merlin, I'm going to-"

"I know - me too," Harry gasped, and amazingly enough it was true, despite the lingering pain. This felt bloody fantastic, and he was-

His muscles tightened as he came, crying out, his climax triggering Draco's.

They lay panting together, and Harry didn't realize how tightly he was clenching Draco's hand until his own began to hurt.

"Are you all right?" Draco asked, gently disengaging from Harry, his lips moving softly over the back of Harry's neck.

"Yeah. God, yeah," he said quietly.

"I hurt you," Draco said hesitantly.

"I don't care." Harry turned around in Draco's arms, kissed him fiercely. "I didn't want you to be gentle. I wanted what you gave me." He felt an unexpected lump in his throat and turned away.

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah, fine. You?"

"You took me by surprise, a bit," Draco admitted, sounding nervous.

"Yeah. Sorry." He kissed Draco deeply, trying to ride out the overwhelming emotions. The post-sex buzz, the sense of relief and gratitude, the way he felt like shouting for joy as Draco returned his kiss with equal fervor, and the feeling of...

What was it? It didn't go into words. Sorrow, maybe. Sorrow at having taken a final step away from Ginny. The only person he'd ever had sex with, the only person he'd thought he would ever have sex with... wasn't the only one any more.

He had no idea if Ginny would've approved of what they'd just done - rather suspected she wouldn't have - but it didn't matter. He pulled Draco close and blinked away the tears, hoping Draco hadn't seen them.

"That was perfect. Really." He kissed Draco again, glanced at the clock and smirked. "And look, it's only nine o'clock. Whatever shall we do with the rest of the night?"